Well, well, well... we are one draft party into the season and there are already tons of issues. Wouldn't have it any other way, right??
Let's just jump right into the hell hole that we call a fantasy league. For those that pay attention, we had a draft on Sunday and naturally things went south shortly after. Per usual, we did our annual D.D.A. - which would entail those that are present to argue over who has the best team. We also put up some random sharpie marks to signify what we believe were sleepers/question marks/and whatever the f*ck the dots mean.
Here are the highlights....
A) PEN15 Wrinkle finished first in the ESPN rankings, but last in the D.D.A. On top of that, drafting 3 kickers and 2 defenses was probably not the play. Not to mention, one of his kickers was a write-in. But hey, eff the D.D.A. the computer has your ranked first and when you auto-draft that is to be expected.
B) This might be the first time that I have ever heard Hoosier Daddy outwardly upset about how much he dislikes his team. It may be the lack of the running backs or might be the fact that most of his roster are so unrecognizable that I am not sure if he just didn't find some guys at the local YMCA and throw them on his team.
C) Outside of the 4 people that were present for the D.D.A. the 5th ranked team was No Time for Love. Starting off with Kelce and Allen is not a bad tandem, as long A. Jones and A. Kamara look like the 2021 versions of themselves.
D) No shocker here... the top 4 teams were all represented by the 4 league members that stayed the longest. Let's look at the overall rankings....
Drunk Draft Analysis
14. PEN15 Wrinkle
Question Mark: Calvin Ridley, 3rd round
Sleeper: The whole team... not sure what to do when we think the team is bad, but ESPN thinks they are good
Player to Watch: Mike Evans, 5th round
Side note: For someone that is so upset about their team, they are project number 1 overall by the site that they let auto-draft it!
13. Hoosier Daddy
Question Mark: Chris Olave, 2nd round
Sleeper: Cam Akers, 5th round
Player to Watch: Elijah Moore, 9th round
Side note: If there was ever one team/manager to never count out - it would be Hoosier Daddy - one a handful of managers that has actually won the entire league!
12. Njigbas in Paris
Question Mark: Keenan Allen, 3rd round
Sleeper: Tua Tagovailoa, 8th round
Player to Watch: Rachaad White, 4th round
Side note: Best name in the league, but trusting Tua to last the whole season without a backup QB drafted is a bold strategy!
11. Ertz when Ifert
Question Mark: Dameon Pierce, 4th round
Sleeper: Zeke Elliott, 8th round
Player to Watch: Antonio Gibson, 7th round
Side note: Let's be honest, there was no way you were finding yourself inside the top 10 your first year in the league... no matter how good you team could have been!
10. East/West TD's
Question Mark: Tee Higgins, 2nd Round
Sleeper: Marquis Brown, 7th Round
Player to Watch: Damien Harris, 12th round
Side note: Love a good titty name, but having no true WR1 is going to be hard to build around... Hollywood Brown is your only saving grace and none other than Colt McCoy will throwing him the ball.
9. Zappe Fever
Question Mark: Deebo Samuel, 3rd round
Sleeper: Chase Claypool, 15th round
Player to Watch: Pacheco/Jeudy/Cooks, 5th-7th round
Side note: It is fair to say that during the writing of this post, a trade was made and Zappe digs even deeper into questions marks by acquiring a player that didn't even play a snap last year!
8. I hate Chad
Question Mark: Deandre Hopkins, 3rd Round
Sleeper: Gus Edwards, 12th round
Player to Watch: Kyle Pitts, 5th round
Side note: This team is a conundrum, could be good and could be bad... either way - this is looking like the swan song for "I hate Chad," unless of course... you decide to hang around for one more year - and I am not talking about the league!!!
7. Aaron Rodgers blows Llams
Question Mark: Johnathan Taylor, 2nd round
Sleeper: Zack Moss, 12th round
Player to Watch: Javonte Williams, 5th round
Side note: If Johnathan Taylor finds a landing spot, this team leaps up near the top... if not, trouble is abrewing in Llama Land.
6. Handy Rudgins
Question Mark: Jahmyr Gibbs, 3rd round
Sleeper: Michael Thomas, 7th round
Player to Watch: DJ Chark, 10th round
Side note: Just be better than the namesake and we can call it a success! Also, Burrow needs to stay healthy... no backup QB drafted for a QB that is already injured is a risky play.
5. No Time for Love
Question Mark: Alvin Kamara, 4th round
Sleeper: J.K. Dobbins, 6th round
Player to Watch: Kyler Murray, 16th round
Side note: Strong team after week 4 (Kamara suspension), but if things don't start off well - it could be a nervous race to playoffs!
4. Ankle Holster
Question Mark: Christian Watson, 3rd round
Sleeper: Dalvin Cook, 6th round
Player to Watch: Jordan Love, 13th round
Side note: Who would have thought Holster is confident and thinks that Cook/Hall are going to shine the same way that Jones/Williams did a year ago... I wouldn't bet on it - in fact, I bet directly against it!
3. Insert Team Name Here
Question Mark: Devonta Smith, 3rd round
Sleeper: Dalton Kincaid, 9th round
Player to Watch: D'andre Swift, 7th round
Side note: Arguably, the strongest team in the league - but, there will need to be some decisions made between his multiple sh*tty WRs.
2. The J-Bones
Question Mark: Mike Williams, 3rd round
Sleeper: Kadarius Toney, 8th round
Player to Watch: Terry McLaurin, 5th round
Side note: Any Colts fan who says, "Trevor Lawrence is Peyton Manning in the making" will never be ranked 1 in any league of mine!
And that leaves only one left at the top...
1. Gluten Douches
Question Mark: Bijan Robinson, 1st round
Sleeper: Tyler Boyd, 10th round
Player to Watch: Evan Engram, 7th round
Side note: Best running back department, WR1's on their respective team, a sleeper at TE and two QB primed for big seasons - what doesn't this team have?!?!?
This was a tight debate and lots of disagreements, but.... WELCOME TO THE F*CKIN' SHOW!!! The Gluten Douches are the top team in my heart, in my soul, in my plums, hell - even in your plums - we all know it.
It should go without being said, this a league of degenerates. So it wouldn't be a draft day without bets already flying around...
A) Ankle Holster will or will not make the playoffs: $10... Holster has "yes" and Llams has "no"
This is an intriguing bet, initially I would fare on the "no" side - but then you think, there are a lot of bad teams in this league and all it takes is a few injuries and Ankle Holster is right in the thick of things. If I had to predict, I would say they make it in.... but not by much!
B) Gluten Douches' top RB is better than Ankle Holster's top RB: $20... GD obviously is backing their RB's with Holster doing the same. This bet is formulated from last year and the Javonte Williams v Akers debacle. Obviously, I am thinking that the Douches have this one - but that is only one biased man's opinion.
C) The J-Bones top 4 picks vs Insert Team Name's top 4 pick: This was never finalized, but it was put on the table. Hindsight, this would be extremely tough for J-Bones to win considering Insert has a QB in their top 4 picks. Just an interesting thought for the bet.
And there you have it, the Draft Day is in the books and there was b*tching, arguing, laughs, and probably couple rosterbate sessions later that night! Look for the week 1 predictions to be released closer to kickoff time!
With Love
Commish
