Midseason Awards

It is officially the halfway point in the season... typically in many different activities the halfway point is considered the best point.... and I find myself in concordance with that statement. If you really think about it - you get to reminisce on all the good times had in the beginning and then look forward to more good times to be had in the backhalf - and I love myself a good backhalf.

Speaking of backhalf, my wife and I got into a discussion about whether or not da gays get into an argument or have a competition for who is pitching later that night. Why did we discuss this? We watching a show that a gay actor plays a straight guy and we commenting that he could kiss actress and it would be nothing for him. Then we were discussing how "catching" would be the worst part about being gay. Thus, the discussion of how they settle on when it is your turn came about. 

Anyways, before we start to look towards our backhalf.... let's look at our fronthalf.... whooo-ha!!

Fantasy MVP: Jaxon Smith-Njigba, Penias and Ferb

We are looking at a wild run from a top tier WR. Now, don't get me wrong - this is not really that big of a surprise - but it is still something that is crazy when it happens from WR that was taken as the 3rd WR and 6th overall. He is currently leading all positions and and 2nd at WR is over 60 points behind him and 6 points per game behind him. JSN is lapping the WR field in the first half of the season.

Steal of the Draft: Isaiah Likely, Shough my Jeanty

Likely was drafted in the 9th round and now he is the 2nd TE overall. To put that in perspective, the 2nd TE was drafted 24th overall in the 2nd round and Isaiah Likely was drafted 123rd overall.... now who is laughing? It should also be noted that Likely is averaging 16.1 and that would put him inside the the top 15 WR's... which would put his ADP right at 37... remember he was drafted 123rd overall - as it stands... this is an amazing find (too bad he was traded).

Trade of the Year: Check My Chubb and Penias and Ferb

Check My Chubb traded: Drake Maye and Puka Nacua

Penias and Ferb traded: Patrick Mahomes/Emanuel Wilson/Tre Tucker

Obviously, looking at this trade on paper and going into week 8 - one side won the trade. However, at the time of the trade.... Puka had yet to return from his injury and Drake Maye had gone 2 straight games with under 10 points. There was some definite risk involved with the trade - Mahomes looked really good in the first 3 weeks, Wilson was poised to take over the backfield for the foreseeable future and Tre Tucker is the clear top WR in Oakland. In fact, since the trade Check my Chubb went 3-1 and has fought their way back into playoff contention. 

On the flip side, Penias has kept Maye - who has figured how to play football since the trade and is averaging 26.5 points ppg from week 4 and on. That would put him as the 2nd QB in terms of ppg. Puka then exploded for Penias and then was traded in route to acquiring JSN - who is currently the Fantasy MVP. The ironic part about Puka... has be apart of 3 trades and been on 4 different teams. Which is wild to consider that means that another top 5 WR has been moved in every trade except this trade... which is what makes this the Trade of the Year.

Waiver Wire Pick-up (Diamond in the Rough): Ollie Gordon, AR's Broken Finger

If you haven't paid attention to the league (I've killed for less), RB's are a premium. They are hard to come by and they are hard to find. AR's Finger just happen to be in the right place and low enough in the standings at the time. The crazy part is that this team wouldn't even have had the top waiver selection - they would have been 3/4 in the order. Which means there were teams that passed up on Gordon. To put it in perspective - in a league with FAAB (Free Agency Acquisition Budget) I spent $30 (roughly 1/3 of my season budget). 

Gordon is a top level position and he is a guaranteed starters. Now, Miami is terrible - but everyone knew that when Achane was getting drafted inside the 1st round. Why not take his bell cow starter off the waiver? Since the Achane injury, Gordon has scored every week and is averaging 16 ppg. If I told you that was guaranteed from a waiver wire RB - you would take that in a heartbeat!

Team to Beat: Penias and Ferb

We don't need to beat a dead horse, buuuuuuttttt they haven't lost yet. They have won the belt an unprecedented 4 out of 7 weeks. They are currently on pace to set the season record - barring any freakish injuries or really dumb trades (always in the cards with the owner)... they are the team to beat. However, there is always the Commissioner's Curse.

The year was 2015 and a former football coach was apart of the league. I was a fantasy team that was part away from making a run... and I needed the right patsy to give it to me. In comes ole' head shakin' Handy Rubbins' - not a clue in the world about fantasy football. We make a trade - I traded away Kirk Cousins (a waiver wire QB pick-up that week)... he traded me Doug Martin a top 3 RB during that year. 

Yes, that would be the equality of getting a top 3 RB off the waiver wire to finish out the season. There were words had by many disgruntled team owners - the next year Handy didn't come back to the league and the Commissioner's Curse was put in place. How do you know I am cursed?

The following year (2016) I won the regular season, led the league in scoring by over 100 points and lost in the championship to a team whose owner would later end up in jail.

It was a mere two years later where I finished 11-2.... round 1, I scored the 2nd highest in the league only to lose to a team that squeaked in at 6-7. To matters worse, I then proceeded to lose int he Consolation bracket with the 2nd highest in league during that week as well.

In 2019 (one year later), I lead the league in scoring - finishing first in the regular season by 2 games only to lose in the playoffs to a team that started the stack of Eli Manning (QB40) and Kaden Smith (TE 35) - a tight end that scored a combined 22 points in the regular season.

And then there was last year, (2025) Nips and Salsa outscores the league by 100 points - finishes 1st in the regular season. All for nought, the starting QB (Lamar) gets hurt during a first quarter drive (during round 2) and Nips and Salsa loses by 2 points. 

Maybe, I am not closer - Maybe, I have been blessed in other areas of life - OOORRRRR Maybe I AM CURSED!!

I say all this to say.... is Penias and Ferb really the team to beat?

There will be no Power Rankings this week - due to the lack of hustle....

Matchup of the Week

GOTI (4-3) v Ertz/Eifert** (5-2)

This is the only matchup with 2 teams with winning records and one of the teams fall inside the playoff line. GOTI has been a more active manager on the trading block and Ertz/Eifert has been one of the less active managers. This is a conflicting styles battling for a big middle of the season win.

How GOTI wins: Help, I need somebody... Not just anybody (Beetles)... They are going to need somebody to have a big week. Ertz/Eifert is a top team and in order to take them down - they are going to need a big week provided by a big time player. The other big decision is whether or not Jadarian Price is going to be ready after he comes off IR. He is going to be needed throughout the rest of the season other wise they are relying on Skatt (who sucks) and Allen (backup to Breece).

How Ertz/Eifert wins: Stacks on Deck, Patron on Ice (T.I.)... This is the week that we will see just how good the Vikings defense is - generational or just lucky with the schedule? On the flip side, we are going to see how good Goff and ARSB is - both are ranked 4th in their respective position. It is interesting that Ertz/Eifert has Minnesota's defense in the lineup and Goff/ARSB in the lineup - hedging their bets? Either way, this should be their matchup to lose.

Prediction: Ertz/Eifert

Mystery Guest: Ertz/Eifert

Penias and Ferb**** (7-0) v Cleveland Streamers (3-4)

How Penias wins: I wake up in the morning, I got murder on my mind (YNW Melly)... if ESPN projections meant anything... this should be a beat down. The only positional player that is not in the top 10 is TE - but they are "projected" for 139 points. Do we trust ESPN? Probably not. But this might be the best team that has been assembled in this league in a few years. Eventually they will lose, but it probably won't be this week. Too many players that have opportunities to have a big games.

How Cleveland Streamers wins: The rule of thirds dictate my life, something suffers (Death by June).... If Cleveland wants to pull off the upset - they will need to rely on the big 1/3's. Obviously, Kenneth was a great find and nobody really saw it coming - especially Seattle. James Cook is a stud and is in a solid offense. Burden is the top WR in an offense that looks to move the ball and put up points. At some point, you just want to have players in big time offenses and this team has players that will have opportunities because of their offenses.

Prediction: Penias and Ferb

Mystery Guest: Penias and Ferb

Ankle Holster (2-5) v AR's Broken Finger (3-4)

How Holster wins: Welcome back, Betha's back - I know you like that (Mase).... It was a long wait - but having Josh Jacobs back is a huge help. Can you imagine the RB room if Bijan was still around, Bijan and Jacobs would make a pretty nasty duo, but now Kyren is going to have to suffice. Either way, Jacobs is in the RB1 tier from here on out. With Wilson and Watson holding it down for WR's.... this team looks poised to make a run in the post-season - if they get there. This would be a a big win for that cause.

How Broken wins: Catch me outside, How 'bout dat? (Bhad Bhabie)... If this team is going to win, it is not only going to take the WR's catching the ball on the outside... it is going to take the RB's getting some catches as well. Don't read into Gainwell's last game, the script was heavy in favor of run... this is the first game Gainwell went without a reception. On top of that, Coleston Loveland is waking up from his coma and is finally looking like the projected top tier TE that everyone was expecting. Look for Broken to win with lots of receptions and racking in those ppr's.

Prediction: AR's Broken Finger

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Shough Me, Jeanty* (4-3) v Factory of Sadness (3-4)

How Shough Me wins: Get comfortable, hop up in the car (Cartier God)... This is a good week in terms of comfy matchups for Shough Me. P. Washington comes off a bye week and gets the gift of Indianapolis defense (a team that is currently trading away anybody worth value). Tet gets Green Bay - a team with little pressure on the QB without Parsons and this could be a good week for Tet. AJ Brown get Miami and we all know what is happening down there. Buck Buck gets Atlanta - who has been good against the run... but RB's have performed well catching out of the backfield - giving up 10 receptions to backs last week. Buck Buck has been heavily involved in the air attack and this could be a 5+ reception week.

How Sadness wins: N**gas in London (Jay-Z and Kanye)... First off, let me state that yes I know the darker fellas aren't from London - they are from Paris. However, London might be the key to this week for Factory. He can do a couple things this week - big catch and big plays.... keep Buck Irving off the field. The other location in London that is pretty key to this fantasy team is the Hampton Court Palace - bout time for him to get going, if you are trackin'!

Prediction: Factory of Sadness

Mystery Guest: Factory of Sadness

My Team Sucks (3-4) v Tuten My Horn (4-3)

How Sucks wins: Ohhhh, the Island of misfit toys (Mr. Kite and Rudolph)... When you look at this lineup - it doesn't have the pizazz as some other lineups. But in reality, these misfits are getting the job done - don't let the record fool you... My Team Sucks has the 4th most scored points in the league. Tuten and Warren are both inside the top 15 RBs.... both players were drafted outside the top 50. Typically, Purdy is the starting QB - but for his bye... they still have C. Williams. Then they rock Zay Flowers and Pickens at WR, and Hunter Henry at TE. Outside of Flowers (and maybe including him), this is an island of players that other managers necessarily want to trade for - but it works. Time to start getting those points to turn into wins.

How Tuten wins: Im makin' big play, boss moves (Patrick Paige II)... With the newly acqured Bijan Robinson and Puka on the squad - it is time for the boys to make some big plays. Bijan has Tampa Bay - who ranked 2nd against the run... so it is going to take a big play or two to be successful. Puka has a floundering Chargers team... which is needed. There also could be some big plays for the Pats defense in line for this week with a matchup against Miami's offense. Who knows maybe they turn back to the clock to when the defense was a top 20 player in fantasy.

Prediction: My Team Sucks

Mystery Guest: Tuten My Horn

The J-Bones (4-3) v Check My Chubb (3-4)

How JBones wins: As long I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive (Gloria Gaynor)... At this point, you are just trying to survive - you already don't have CMC or Nabers for this week. The goal is to not lose anyone to injury and it will have been a successful week. Obviously, you would like to win - but with CMC and Nabers out, Woody Marks would have been your next man up (also on a bye).... you really just want to get out of this week with a certain TE not getting injured.

How Chubb wins: Baby come back, any kind of fool could see (Player)... It is clear that Bowers and Pollard didn't have their best stuff last week. That is now 2 weeks like that Bowers... it is time for him to go back to what he was doing when he came back from injury. Pollard is another key player that had his worst game last week. There is a lot that falls on his shoulders to hold it down for the RB's on this team.... can he handle the pressure? Mahomes also had his worst outing last week, and now he has a tough Denver secondary. Come back and be the Mahomes that Chubb needs!

Prediction: Check My Chubb

Mystery Guest: Check My Chubb

Mounsey Zombies (3-4) v Nailor? I hardly know her (1-6)

How Mounsey wins: How I realized they were the best year of my life (Johnny Hates Jazz).... This lineup would be a dominate lineup 3-5 years ago, can we channel those years? King Henry, Saquon, Godwin, Lamar, Pacheco.... all were just studs in the yesteryear. If they can "Turn Back the Clock" - this team has more than a chance of winning this week... they could win long term and make a deep playoff run.

How Nailor? wins: It ain't no lie baby, bye bye bye (N'SYNC).... this is a tough week, especially when you really need a win. It already is not looking good for Nailor? but now having 4 players on the bye week is not going to help. Especially, when one of those players is a top 5 WR and the other one is a key RB for the squad (should be back from IR after this week because of the bye). Gonna be a tough week and tough scene for the Nailor? boyz.

Prediction: Mounsey Zombies

Mystery Guest: Mounsey Zombies

As always, good luck to everyone - except you, Cleveland Streamers - may your entire roster declare to be drafted in the WNBA and forever be stuck in the cycle of women's basketball hell.

With Love 

Commish

Week 7 Results

Fantasy Guru: 4-3

Mystery Guest: 5-2

Season Totals

Fantasy Guru: 33-16

Mystery Guru: 23-26

Fall Break Week

Well... I am not going to lie to you... I just got out of the pool, I played golf today, I ate at a K-Pot place (could have done without that - but it made my daughter happy) and now I am trying to refocus on writing this blog. There is just one problem - I am in Florida and my charger is in Indiana. That is a problem because I have 16% left on my blog writing machine. Soooo... here we go...

Power Rankings

1. Penias and Ferb - Duhhhh.... 3-time belt winner... nobody wants to trade with him anymore... doesn't matter the team is cursed and will not win when it matters.

2. Shough Me - You win, you move up. Shough proved that two weeks ago was a fluke and is proving to be a very nice find at QB.

3. Ertz/Eifert - A down week, but still sitting at 4-2 and nicely inside the playoff line

4. Tuten - A newfound home for Bijan and he was still able to keep J. Chase is CRAZY - which make this team even more dangerous

5. The J-Bones - They are fighting back and proving to be one of the hottest teams in the league

6. My Team Sucks - They are now .500 and have a legitimate chance to make the playoffs... which was not something that was though of at the beginning of the season

7. Mounsey Zombies - They are shopping Lamar and they are still 3-3... either get a bounty for him or throw him in there and get yourself into the playoffs

8. Check My Chubb - They are 3-3 and somehow have yet to decide which Raiders TE is the right one to play

9. AR Finger - Never thought they would make the single digits in the Power Rankings... but here we are

10. Cleveland Streamers - They won this week... they also still hold a decent RB room... which something that can't be said for many teams

11. Factory of Sadness - If the Chargers wake up and decide to play football this team could make a legitimate run and getting in the playoffs... but that is a big IF

12. GOTI - They have made trades that have helped... but it hasn't been enough

13. Nailor? - If Ankle Holster didn't just trade Bijan - you might be sitting in last on the Power Rankings

14. Ankle Holster - Call it jealousy that I didn't win the Bijan sweepstakes, Call it jealousy that I don't get all the morphine you get, but one thing I know - Matthew Golden will never see a day in your lineup

Let's just jump to the Matchups...

Matchup of the Week
Ertz/Eifert** (4-2) v Check my Chubb (3-3)

Prediction: Ertz/Eifert

Mystery Guest: Ertz/Eifert

Penias and Ferb*** (6-0) v My Team Sucks (3-3)

Prediction: Penias and Ferb

Mystery Guest: Penias and Ferb

AR Finger (3-3) v The J-Bones (3-3)

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Mounsey Zombies (3-3) v GOTI (3-3)

Prediction: Mounsey Zombies

Mystery Guest: GOTI

Cleveland Streamers (2-4) v Nailor? (1-5)

Prediction: Cleveland Streamers

Mystery Guest: Nailor? 

Ankle Holster (1-5) v Shough My Jeanty* (4-2)

Prediction: Shough My Jeanty

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Factory of Sadness (2-4) v Tuten My Horn (4-2)

Prediction: Tuten My Horn

Mystery Guest: Tuten My Horn

Blah Blah Blah... WNBA SUCKS... hope your entire team sucks - My Team Sucks

Bless 

Commish

Last Week Predictions

Fantasy Guru: 6-1

Mystery Guest: 3-4

Season Totals

Fantasy Guru: 29-13

Mystery Guest: 18-24

Fall Break Festivities

By this time next week, I will be on the beach - attempting get sun poisoning to add to to my poison ivy fiasco. Some of you have heard, some of you may have seen... but apparently when you are rolling around in poison ivy and your body seems to be highly allergic to it, this is the end result...

I feel like these pictures are a look at a "before" and "after" of someone getting placed into prison and going through withdrawals of Meth. But nonetheless, a quick shot in the butt and a week's worth a prednisone and hopefully I will be back to normal - in time for some Mai Thai's on the beach!

Let's just straight into the Power Rankings...

Power Rankings

1. Penias and Ferb (5-0) No movement - It is almost unfair how good Gibbs is at football... but they might have flown too close to the sun and losing Warren at the TE spot might be the downfall for the squad in the playoffs. Everyone knows they are cursed and will not win the 'Ship... so who is going to take it down this year?

2. Ertz/Eifert (4-1) Up 3 spots - Sneakily made their way to the top... seldom thought of as a powerhouse throughout the season, yet her they are. They have made their way to 2nd in points scored and are looking to stay atop their division.

3. My Team Sucks (3-2) No movement - Yes, I know there is still a team (Tuten) that is 4-1.... but these guys are ballin' right now. They are averaging 128 points in the last three weeks, which is more than Ertz/Eifert. This is a team on the rise... as Drake said, "Started from the bottom, now we here!"

4. Tuten my Horn (4-1) No movement - A fair argument for the top 3... but as long as you are in the mix and truthfully, you just keep finding ways to win - who cares. They have a decent schedule remaining and this week they face the 1-4 Streamers... should be a good outlook for the Tutes.

5. Mounsey Zombies (3-2) Up 1 spot- A big win this past week - going with a new deadly tandem (Love/Watson). However, it is now time to look to the new week... a big matchup between Zombies and Jeanty - this will definitely be a launching point for someone.

6. Shough Me Jeanty (3-2) Down 4 spots - Call them 6th or call them 5th... Zombies and Jeanty are facing off this week and I am here for it. Let's see what happens when the dust settles and lets see who going tumbling down the rankings and who solidifies their top spot.

7. The J-Bones (2-3) Up 1 spot - Has there been a more adventurous season for a team? The J-Bones started in the 2 spot, tumbled all the way down to 12th and now find themselves back up to 7th. Does the climb keep happening? Is Spencer Schrader a top player in fantasy.... as a kicker?!?!?

8. Factory of Sadness (2-3) Up 2 spots - It is hard to fault a team for taking a loss while scoring 134 points and finishing 3rd in the week. So far on the season, they have won a week scoring 78 points and lost a week scoring 134... no clue what to predict for this team and what will happen next?

9. Check my Chubb (2-3) Up 3 spots - You know for all the running around and all the trading this GM did a couple weeks ago... They find themselves scoring in the 120's the past two weeks and picking up 2 big wins. Three big hoo-rahs for you Mr. Chubb!

10. GOTI (2-3) Up 4 spots - Ummmm did he just fleece Mr. Fleecer? Is Puka the best WR in the league? This team made a big deal and it turned directly into a big upset win against a top team. This past week 4 guys scored in double digits - 3 of them were directly from a trade... don't say I didn't ever do anything for you Mr. Brent Watson!

11. Cleveland Streamers (1-4) Down 2 spots - It was always going to be tough when your best RB was out on bye... but then you throw in losing a top WR and a serviceable WR and it is never a good recipe for success. Is there a midseason run for the Streamers? 

12. Ankle Holster (1-4) Down 1 spot - They are still wanting to hold onto that Lambo outside the double wide. Is there a last ditch effort to make a move and make a run at the playoffs? If not, call it quits - this season is a wrap.

13. ARs Finger (2-3) Down 6 spots - This can be a scary team if they can some how make a run... they have scored 155 in one week and failed to score 80 points in another week. They have a deadly combo with Ceedee and Jefferson and I for one do not want to see them in the playoffs or anytime soon if those wideouts get healthy.

14. Nailor? Hardly (1-4) Down 1 spot - This is another team that is reminiscent of Ankle Holster - or maybe JT's actual football club (Colts). It is literally JT or bust.... the issue becomes, if they decide to make a move - who benefits from the last ditch effort.... or do they go down with the ship?

Things to note in the Power Rankings:

- Penias stays unbeaten, but makes a trade that shipped away 75+ points only to net 25 points back... not a recipe for success.

-Shough has lost 2 out of 3 matchups... but their schedule becomes very favorable in the future.

- The J-Bones are back and rising, but no one is rising faster than My Team Sucks

- That team that gained 75 points from Penias? GOTI - they pick a big a win and big time player

- Teams that need to make a move or kiss it goodbye... Cleveland Streamers/Ankle Holster/Nailor?

Now let's get to the good stuff...

Week 6 Matchups
Matchup of the Week
Shough me Jeanty* (3-2) v Mounsey Zombies (3-2)

Battle to Watch: Christian Watson v Parker Washington.... these two are not the most common names to see in the top 10 of fantasy wideouts. Yet, here they are - having great seasons for each respective to team. The battle between to the two sleeper picks could be the difference in the matchup. Although, I do like Watson's matchup much better (Dallas is terrible when it comes to defense). 

How Shough wins: Shough has a bounce back week... What happened last week? Hopefully, a one-off fluke week and everything will be back to normal. Shough does get the Giants and should have a good chance to go back and forth with gunslinger Jameis. Going from averaging 20+ points to scoring in the negatives has to be anomaly, right? RIGHT?

How Zombies wins: Love/Watson take it to Dallas... I am not sure if you have watched NFL football and "America's Team" lately... but the Cowboys are terrible at defense and this Packers offense has been pretty content with just chucking the ball. The Lamar injury comes at a decent time... Packers get to play Dallas and Detroit in the upcoming week... comfy, comfy matchups.

Prediction: Shough me Jeanty

Mystery Guest: Mounsey Zombies

Ankle Holster (1-4) v Penias and Ferb** (5-0)

How Penias wins: Find a replacement for Gibbs... Gibbs is on a bye week and I am not sure Love is the player that Penias wanted him to be when he traded away Puka and a slew of other players to acquire JSN and Love. Hopefully, the other players can help pick up the slack and can make up for the massive hole that needs to be filled this bye week.

How Holster wins: A broken record of Bijan/Allen... either one of these two need to be traded or they need to carry the boats. As of right now, they have not carried the boats far enough... Josh Allen is the player in football and he might be the most fun to watch. Bijan is a top 5 RB in fantasy... but everyone else on this roster is left to be desired for. It seems like the captain is fine going down with the ship... admirable.

Prediction: Penias and Ferb

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Nailor? Hardly (1-4) v GOTI (2-3)

How Nailor? wins: Find a new home for Taylor... Taylor is worth a ship full of players. Think about what GOTI did with JSN... he was able to acquire Puka/Warren/Allen (75+ points in the first week having them on the squad). Taylor could bring a new roster that helps give Nailor? a better chance at scoring points throughout the roster than relying on one player to score.

How GOTI wins: They did what they needed to do... They went out and they made a trade with Penias and they acquired some big time players who are starting to really boom. This roster now has the potential to make a few runs in the middle of the season and possibly get them at a point where they could possibly battle for a playoff spot.

Prediction: GOTI

Mystery Guest: GOTI

My Team Sucks (3-2) v The J-Bones (2-3)

How Sucks wins: Tuten and Wilson keep surprising... If these two can keep scoring in the mid-teens then that presents some good quality depth with this lineup. Truthfully, it is not a scary lineup on paper... but they have found ways to get the job done. Find a way to get the job done this week and you keep inside the playoff wall.

How J-Bones wins: The Great White Wonders... CMC and McBride are holding down for the white guys. They are some dawgs too; I mean Trey McBride... Dawg... CMC, didn't even know he plays football? DAWG.

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Ertz/Eifert** (4-1) v AR's Broken (2-3)

How Ertz wins: Pass Catching, Pass Catching, Pass Catching... this lineup is not going to blow you away in the RB department - they are going to get the work done with pass catching. Evans/Kittle/Adams have been doing most of the heavy lifting (with help from ARSB and Goff). Now without, the Lions duo... they need to do even more lifting.

How Broken Finger wins: Find a suitable replacement for JJ on the bye... this is going to inevitably happen to every team. Their top dawg is going on the bye and you gotta be ready if you want to make a run to the top of the league... this is AR's battle. Who will replace Jefferson? Truthfully, Coker moves up from the FLEX and you can put anyone in that spot - but the options are low with Ollie Gordon on the bye as well... get to scheming young buck!

Prediction: Ertz/Eifert

Mystery Guest: Ertz/Eifert

Tuten my Horn (4-1) v Cleveland Streamers (1-4)

How Tuten wins: Find a way to be at least average... their average output is just fine when it comes to this matchup. Kyren has been steadily holding on to his job and Corum has not really done much to take away from from Kyren's role. Other than that... look for decent average output across the roster and that should be just fine for this team.

How Cleveland wins: I smell it... it is upset time. Walker and Cook are going have big weeks! Devonta is coming back - this is time to get on your horse and do something crazy. If not, there may need to be a move in the works - but that is not typically this GM's mode of operation. I like their chances this week if Devonta comes back and you are getting Walker back off the bye.

Prediction: Cleveland Streamers

Mystery Guest: Tuten my Horn

Factory of Sadness (2-3) v Check my Chubb (2-3)

How Factory wins: Do what you did last week.... Warren could be a solid find, maybe argument for the diamond in the rough award. Likely is wildly entertaining and there is some kind of connection between him and Jameis - but you that ship is always on the verge of imploding. It is like a nice train wreck that you just cant stop watching... man I love Famous Jameis.

How Chubb wins: You go to the well of one of the GOATS... Patrick Mahomes. You ride that froggy voice box all the way past his RBF wife and you slap him on the A** and you give a Yee-Haw. Mahomes is coming off a bye, playing the 0-5 division rival Chargers and is going to look to put a stamp on this week. He also gets a week of practice to really get connected with speed demon Worthy and old time pal Kelce.

Prediction: Check my Chubb

Mystery Guest: Check my Chubb

As always, good luck to everyone - except you, Ankle Holster - may your entire roster declare to be drafted in the WNBA and forever be stuck in the cycle of women's basketball hell.

With love

Commish

Week 5 Results

Fantasy Guru: 4-3

Mystery Guest: 2-5

Season Results

Fantasy Guru: 23-12

Mystery Guest: 15-20

What do you say kid?

Let's skip through the, "He said, she said... Bullsh*t." Anybody Fred Durst fans out there? Anybody having a nice Limp Bizkit day... maybe your are ready to just Break Stuff. Maybe your team is really just setting you off.... or maybe you are looking good, feeling good, doing good. If you are aren't I know a team that you can trade with and most likely - he will have a big week. 

A certain team (Check my Chubb) made a few moves and even more offers - I wish I could see the number of offers and counter offers made with Check my Chubb. What I do know is that, there were some triggers pulled on trade offers and if you didn't see - here is what went down this week (specifically with Check my Chubb)...

Trade 1 with Penias and Ferb

Check my Chubb traded: Drake Maye/Puka Nacua

Penias and Ferb traded: Patrick Mahomes/Tre Tucker/Emanuel Wilson

A) Check my Chubb wanted 2 things from this trade... a better QB and a starting RB. He also picked up a number 1 (on his team) wideout to replace Puka - who was a big question mark. There were even talks about Puka possibly going to IR or the injury being more sever than the Rams let on. All in all, Check my Chubb got what he wanted... although it did come at a price.

B) Penias was in the position to take the risk on two high quality players that were either having a really, really bad start to the season or were still injured. When you are in that position, it is hard to down the risk and after 1 week it looks promising - but you never know in the long run.

Trade 2 with My Team Sucks 

Check my Chubb traded Emanuel Wilson

My Team Sucks traded Kirk Cousins

A) To this day, I was not super sure what was happening here. The only thing that can make sense to me is the fact that maybe there was no trust in Daniel Jones. However, they wanted to keep Jones over Maye (who was struggling).

B) This is a no brainer deal for My Team Sucks - in this league RB's a liquid gold. Even if they are backups - but backups who are now starting?!? Boom baby. For the record, this team does not suck!

If you paid attention this week, Maye/Puka/Wilson all scored more than 25 point each - all players that Check my Chubb had traded. However, the hardest working GM in the league did secure a win this week!

Let's take a look at the update Power Rankings...

1st Quarter Power Rankings

1. Penias and Ferb (4-0) No Movement... 2-time and current belt winner, massively favored in many of the matchups. The only thing that is really working against this team is the fact that they may be cursed. This team is the Dan Marino of this league... most wins without ever winning the league championship.

2. Shough My Jeanty (3-1) Up 1 spot... It didn't take long for Shough to fire back up the engine and prove that it belongs near the top of the league (to be fair, he only dropped 1 spot). It is unique... this team is not necessarily built of big-time names (Penias is filled with those type of names) - instead this team is filled with sneaky good players that quietly score points and rack up wins.

3. My Team Sucks (3-1) Up 2 spots...This team has shot up the rankings in recent weeks and they are doing behind different players each week. The past 3 weeks they have not scored outside the top 5 points for each week, including finishing in the top 3 each of the past two weeks. It is not just getting wins against teams that aren't scoring points - it is also scoring points themselves.

4. Tuten My Horn (3-1) Down 2 spots... The top portion of the league involves a thin margin of error - first loss of the season and Tuten gets dropped 2 spots. They are still very clearly in the playoff hunt and they should remain there for the rest of the season. It is just crazy that we still have 5 teams with 1 loss or less and it means that each week could be a bit of a shake up with the rankings. 

5. Ertz/Eifert (3-1) Up 1 spot... If there was a team that has been given bulletin board material, it is Ertz/Eifert. This team is currently 3-1 and is sitting 3rd in the league for points scored. A survey of 100 people slated Ertz actually higher than this... but they have their chance coming up this week to prove that they should be the higher.

6. Mounsey Zombies (2-2) Down 1 spot... This is more from the injuries that were sustained than the loss this past week. Lamar was seen in a boot after the game and Saquon was hit with a hamstring injury and these two being out will hit this team hard. The bigger issue is the replacement for Lamar - is Jordan Love really the answer?

7. AR's Broken Finger (2-2) Up 6 spots... This is the issue when your league starts off with 5 teams that have one loss or less. You have a team that is .500 and they are nearly out of the playoffs. They do find themselves moving up and that is more thanks to getting a win and a slew of teams picking up their 3rd loss - keep getting wins when you can and anything can happen in the playoffs. 

8. The J-Bones (1-3) Up 4 spots... Is this the turn around for The J-Bones? Oddly enough, it took Schrader to score 16 points as a kicker and Famous Jameis throwing the ball to Malik Nabers. Maybe the Dart injury is going to be a good thing for Nabers - gunslingers always help out WR fantasy rankings. They find themselves in a big matchup this week - a much needed win would really help solidify their spot.

9. Cleveland Streamers (1-3) Down 2 spots... This is what happens when you only score 85 points and take the loss. Hey, at least you get to play Check my Chubb and they have their starting QB and RB out on bye. If a loss happens this week - that may spell disaster for the Streamers.

10. Factory of Sadness (2-2) Down 1 spot... For the past week the Chase injury benefitted Higgins - but now he is also dealing with an injury. On top of the Higgins, there is also an injury to Long Neck Ladd... which really puts Factory in a tough spot - thus to drop in the Power Rankings. The real downer of the situation is that they are now facing off against the top team in the league this week - which is going to put them in a rough spot 

11. Ankle Holster (1-3) No movement... We all know the story with this team - Allen and Bijan or bust. Obviously, the meta is not working since they are sitting at 1-3 and on the outside of the playoffs.  Maybe a move is in the works? Maybe we are just cashing it in and rooting for the Packers? Maybe we are just waiting for Josh Jacobs to get back and see if he can turn things around.

12. Check my Chubb (1-3). Up 2 spots... Holy BIG WIN!! All that work, running around, curated a win for the team. Now, it might look bad that they are probably taking a loss this week - but they are facing bye week issues... we will not get a good look at the roster for another week and see if the trades worked out in their favor.

13. Nailor? Hardly Know Her (1-3) Down 3 spots... Rashee Rice and Travis Etienne are both facing big injuries and this hurts this teams chance - Etienne is on the IR and Rice just looks banged up. The one positive thing for Rice is that Thornton just had a nasty injury and the Chiefs could end up force feeding him (assuming the don't sign Tyreek back).

14. Greatest Offense (1-3) Down 5 spots... It is not just that they took a loss... it is also that they scored the lowest point total while doing it. If JSN doesn't go for 40 on a given night - this team is going to struggle. The rookies did not pan out as they had hoped and now they are forced with the decision to trade and get more depth or just keep hoping JSN can massive weeks.

Week 5 Matchups
Matchup of the Week
Ertz/Eifert (3-1) v My Team Sucks (3-1)

Battle to Watch: Goff v Prescott.... these two QB's are playing for teams that have made the decision to just not playing any defense. This means that they now have to try and continue to score points and both have decent matchups against teams that have shown an inability to stop offenses as well. The winner of this face-off may very well be the winner of the matchup.

How Ertz wins: They beat up the NFC West... Goff and ARSB get to play the Cardinals, Kittle and Evans play the Seahawks, Bills DEF go against the Rams. The Seahawks is not the best matchup for Kittle and Evans.... but 2 weeks ago Marcus Mariota threw for 3 touchdowns - Kittle and Evans may be the beneficiary of something like that. Famous Jameis just threw for 3 touchdowns against the Cardinals and now Goff and ARSB get a chance - might be a big day for the Lions.

How My Team wins: Running Backs... who would have thought I would be saying that about Tuten and Emmanuel Wilson? Not this guy... but the Jags look nasty this year and Tuten is the lead back in that offense. Plus, Sunshine Lawrence is always willing to slide at the goal line to help a brotha out.

Prediction: Ertz/Eifert

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Tennis (Ertz/Eifert)

Penias and Ferb (4-0) v Factory of Sadness (2-2)

How Penias wins: Uhhhhh just do you honeyboo. Yeah, there have been a few times in this leagues history when trades and drastically altered the league Power Rankings. This is not one of them.... but it did make the gap between the "Have" and "Have Nots" that much larger for Penias. I don't see a world where this team is not predicted to win until there happens to be a massive bye week... which would be week 11. Until then... you know who is winning this matchup.

How Factory wins: Touchdowns. In order beat this team it is going to take an absolute dud from them or a lot of touchdowns from Factory. They have players with big play abilities that will have chances to score - but it is going to take multiple big plays from different players.

Prediction: Penias and Ferb

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Tennis (Factory of Sadness)

Greatest Offense (1-3) v Shough My Jeanty (3-1)

How GOTI wins: JSN scores 50 points. I am going to be honest - I don't have a lot faith in running backs. Love should be doing much better than he is - but somehow Arizona has found an offense with Brissett. I also don't trust Tate going against Houston - but also Houston has not played well in the secondary. Theoretically, Tate should be facing against Singletary and that is an unfriendly matchup when you have an "iffy" QB.

How My Jeanty wins: Players need to take advantage of their matchups. Buck Buck needs to take care of his matchup against Dallas - who has just decided to not stop anyone and just try to outscore them. Michael Wilson is facing against Detroit - who is also in the same boat as Dallas. These two players could have a huge week and it could turn into a runaway win for My Jeanty.

Prediction: Shough my Jeanty

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Tennis (Shough my Jeanty)

Nailor? (1-3) v Tuten My Horn (3-1)

How Nailor? wins: It is going to take a big time showing from Philly. They have to face-off against one the top teams in the NFL (Jacksonville Jaguars) - sometimes this fires up a team and their players to have a big game - reference Drake Maye against the Buffalo Bills. 

How Tuten wins: Chase plays. If Chase plays - it helps Burrow... but Chase has the potential to score more. If Chase doesn't play, Burrow gets to face-off against a horrid Miami defense and garner all those points using a different WR and Tuten gains nothing from that. On top of the that, if Chase doesn't play, the backup option would be? Most likely, Denzel Boston - there is a stark difference between the two.

Prediction: Tuten My Horn

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Tennis (Tuten My Horn)

The J-Bones (1-3) v Ankle Holster (1-3)

How J-Bones wins: CMC matches Bijan... this is more purely because of who they are facing against. If CMC matches Bijan then most of the position battles are in favor of The J-Bones. Ankle Holster relies heavily on Bijan and Allen, if you match Bijan that leaves only one advantage in the matchup.

How Ankle Holster wins: Typically, this is where I write that Bijan and Allen are key - but I am going to focus on another player. Tucker Kraft - who they are starting to deploy at a variety of positions and plays. He can be the focal point of the offense - but more importantly, last season (prior to the injury) he averaged 60 yards and close to a 1 touchdown a game... this would equate to at least 12 points... plus any points for receptions.

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Tennis (Ankle Holster)

Mounsey Zombies (2-2) v AR's Broken Finger (2-2)

How Mounsey wins: Lamar and Saquon need to play... I am not sure this is going to happen. If it does, it really helps Mounsey Zombies with their chances to win. I don't see them playing, so I see this as a throw away week and just try to get those guys ready. Just make the call Mounsey Zombies - tell the teams to rest their studs - bigger battles to fight.

How Broken wins: Consistency... this matchup can be won with depth and consistency. Also, it wouldn't hurt if Ceedee goes for another night of 15+ catches. This matchup is not going to be won with one guy though - it is simply going to take a consistent performance throughout for this week. Have everyone have a decent week and most likely you are breaking through the .500 mark.

Prediction: AR's Broken Finger

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Tennis (AR's Broken Finger)

Cleveland Streamers (1-3) v Check my Chubb (1-3)

How Streamers win: Just don't have a bummer week... at this point in the season these are must win weeks for Cleveland Streamers. If you don't win a week facing off against another lower ranked team - especially one dealing with bye week issues - then we have a serious problem this season. Win this week or cash it in.

How Check my Chubb win: Sean Falco and The Replacements need to show up. If you haven't seen the film, I highly recommend it. Before I go off on a tangent... the replacements for Mahomes/Hubbard/DEF need to show up in a big way...

Prediction: Cleveland Streamers

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Tennis (Cleveland Streamers)

As always, good luck to everyone - except you, Factory of Sadness - may your entire roster declare to be drafted in the WNBA and forever be stuck in the cycle of women's basketball hell.

With love

Commish

Week 4 Results

Fantasy Guru: 6-1

Mystery Guest: 4-3

Season Results

Fantasy Guru: 19-9

Mystery Guest: 13-15

Week 4

***Editor's Note*** The following was written post to the big trade that was made ***Editor's Note***

Well, well, well... here are the top 5 times in my life when I think, "This can't be happening - oh yes, this is really happening":

1. First Time Making Love - Listen, I don't need to go into details for you youngsters - but just know that 30 seconds is still a really long time.

2. Poop bridge over the Toilet Tunnel - If you have never done such a feat... you need to start increasing your food intake and maybe gets some carbs in that diet to help keep everything strengthened. If you don't know what I am talking about, let's break it down. A Poop Bridge is when you have such a strong turd and it is so massive, that it stretches across the drain and when you flush it survives the waves. A feat only a few men can pull off.

3. Hitting 100 mph on the dash - Every guy has a few things they want to accomplish - hitting triple digits is on the checklist. There is no better feeling that flying down a road and you see that third digit appear. It is the benchmark of manhood - you have made it, you are in.

4. Running from the cops - Yup, if you haven't done it - do it. I am being serious... you should do it. Now, maybe some of us older fellas might need to sit this one out. But I can recall some of the times we would evade the cops. The pranks we pulled (are harmless of course), and how we got away.

5. Pulling a big trade - I love it... I can't help myself either. I will have a team and then inevitably I will decide to make a trade. What do you do? I just love the risk of what could happen. Also, why I might have a gambling problem.

The issue becomes when the aftermath hits... it is great if it pans out.... but also another consequence is....

1. Wind up with a couple kids just stealing all of your time and money

2. Backsplash all-over dem cheeks booooiiii!!

3. Don't play Helen Keller while flying down the high way

4. Yeeeeaaaahhhhh... could just not be fast enough - get pulled out of your bed and yelled at for 2 hours with flashlights in your face

5. What if he stays hurt?

***Editor's Note*** The following was written prior to the big trade that was made ***Editor's Note***

The best part about this time of the year is when we start to see how much GM's really want it. You start to see trade talks taking place in the halls and through text messages. You start to wonder - who is talking to who? Am I missing out on something that is going to make 2 teams better and I am losing ground?

Then you start to panic... you start to feel the pressure to make a move, just because everyone else is. When that happens, you have to handle a lot - because this league is full of tuna that has constructed breathing apparatuses with kelp that are going to hunt down your pride, your family and once they have the taste of lion - they think, "This taste good, they want more."

Now what do you do? How do you handle it? Do you try to make a move? Do you try to sit back and let everyone surpass you with moves? What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!

Nonetheless, I feel like fantasy football becomes the man's Big Brother - nobody knows who is working deals with who - but everybody thinks something is happening. Although, to be honest... as I type this out I think that I might be a little over paranoid and maybe I am the only one thinking this way. What I do know is that there is one manager who is working the hardest... Mr. Check My Chubb.

Ironically, he still lost this week - but not for trying.

Check My Chubb has sent out 56 trades or counters in a span of 5 days (excluding the weekend)... 3 of them have been accepted. That would be equivalent of going to the bar, getting absolutely hammered - asking for every girl's (probably a couple dudes) number and walking out with 3 of them. Honestly, it is a hard night's work... but you might call a night like that successful. Until, you wake up sandwiched between a camel and Target Worker named Karl.

Anyways, from what I have seen there have been good trade offers and bad trade offers. I like to try and stay out of offering advice in a public setting... unless truly confronted - I will stand up for myself. But the real fun is what happens in the dark... what happens when you hear things and you get to sleuth your way around to try and see what is real and what is fake news. The walls are speaking.... there is going to be a big splash this week - when it happens, you are one of the 3 people...

A) "Cannonballer" - The person making the splash. The person that is working the trade, spitting the game, dealing the cards. They are the ones who like to throw a wrench in the system and see what the chaos does.

B) "Pool Dweller" - They are in the pool and playing games and splashing around. They are not causing in harm, but they like to be close the action. Maybe they venture out and splash a little - maybe they stick to their lane. They are close enough to the action that they are able to brace themselves for the splash and prepare of the aftermath.

C) "Bathing Beauty" - They are out of the pool, on the deck, completely unaware of what is about to happen. They love where they are at - but they don't know the real degeneracy that is taking place. That is until and tidal wave overtakes their peace. There is nothing they can do - a splash is going to make waves no matter what.

Sometimes, you are forced into a group (by your draft) - sometimes you chose a group. I would say more times than not "Pool Dwellers" win the league, "Cannonballers" are fighting to be a "Pool Dweller," "Bathing Beautys" are teams that used by the "Cannonballer" to make the splash.

Sometimes, you are a fool and just like making splashes.... Hi, my name is Penias - I like making splashes.

Anyways... let's get to the Power Rankings and this week's matchups...

Week 3 Power Rankings

1. Penias and Ferb* (3-0) - Are we surprised? The crown (belt) is heavy and the burden of the being the top dog is hard... but if I must I will hold it down. PPPSSSSYYYCCCCHHHEEEE... I LOVE THIS SH*T! You want my spot? Come and get it... but be careful, I am....

2. Tuten My Horn (3-0) - Up 2 Spots... They remain undefeated, although it was a close one with Check My Chubb. The biggest question for Tuten is whether or not his RB's can hold up the deal for the long-term.

3. Shough Me Jeanty* (2-1) - Down 1 Spot... This is tough, not only a loss - but a pretty bad showing last week. I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt and trust that this week will be a bounce week based upon what we saw in the first 2 weeks.

4. My Team Sucks (2-1) - Up 8 Spots... The biggest movement and the biggest surprise of the first 3 weeks. Honestly, I don't see them staying here - especially with the massive loss of Achane. However, as long as Price continues to suck - newly acquired E. Wilson should suffice.

5. Mounsey Zombies (2-1) - Down 2 Spots... This is a solid team led by a solid tandem - I don't ever see them dropping outside the playoff the line - barring injury - even if they lose this week agains the oddest spiraling team in the history of the league.

6. Ertz/Eifert* (2-1) - No Movement... Still inside the cut-off, no one can take the belt win away... and now you find yourself in the MotW - big week to dictate if you are a pretender or a contender. Essentially, this ranking is based on whether or not you believe in the Detroit Duo (and I do).

7. Cleveland Streamers (1-2) - Down 2 Spots... This is how razor thin the line of comfortable and uncomfortable is.... Streamers lose last week by .12 and they drop 2 spots. Ole' Herbo is finally getting the bench this week - for none other than Marcus Mariota.... what a wild world we live in.

8. Greatest Offense (1-2) - Up 5 Spots... I am not going to lie... I did not see this coming. JSN is the real deal... but that is it - don't get used to this spot... rough matchup this week (especially is Puka comes back).

9. Factory of Sadness (2-1) - Down 1 Spot... What the record doesn't show.... Factory only scored 78 points last week (still got the win), but they have issues at the QB spot and not enough firepower to overcome a bad week. They are in the MotW this week and they need a big win to prove the haters wrong.

10. Nailor? Hardly Know Her (1-2) - Down 1 Spot... It is crazy to think that Nailor? get their first win and they still move down a spot. The issue hasn't changed... there is not enough firepower surrounding JT when he has a bad day. The point totals are dropping each week and they didn't start off outlandishly high either. 

11. Ankle Holster (1-2) - No Movement... If you were curious the best baseball team out of Chicago has a game this upcoming Saturday - I can get tickets if you want to go.

12. The J-Bones (0-3) - Down 5 Spots... At this point it is shocking. I still think that The J-Bones might be the best 0-3 team that this league has ever seen. To make matters worse, they play Mounsey Zombies this week and that means dealing with Lamar and King Henry getting to face Tennessee.

13. A.R's Broken (1-2) - Down 3 Spots.... It honestly just comes down to the fact that Jefferson was forced out of the game and Loveland decided to pull the ball back "1 nipple hair" short of the goal line. The difference between rank 13 and probably somewhere inside the playoff cut-off.

14. Check My Chubb (0-3) - No Movement... It is not for lack of effort and it not for lack of scoring points - they would have beaten half the league and 2 people who scored less still got a win. I like the trajectory this team is headed and I predict that one of the 0-3 teams make a run at trying to make the playoffs.

Week 4 Matchups
Matchup of the Week
Factory of Sadness (2-1) v Ertz/Eifert* (2-1)

This MotW will dictate who belongs in the race for the top and falls back to the middle of the pack and back to fighting for the playoff spot. Essentially, which one of these is a contender and which one is a pretender.

Battle to Watch: Likely v Kittle

Honestly, I never thought that I would be putting Isaiah Likely in a Battle to Watch... but here we are, in the big '26 where women can be dudes, dudes can be bobcats, and Isaiah Likely can be a top 10 TE. He has 2 things to note... he struggled to put up numbers with Famous Jameis at QB... he is also playing the Arizona Cardinals who have been suspect at best against TE's (averaging 5 catches, 62 yards, 1 TD). Oh and by the way... GIVE ME KITTLE by a 10 spot in this battle.

How Factory wins: Find the answer at QB. Last week, was not it - but they played AR's Broken and squeaked out a win with 78 points. This week it looks like Penix is getting the call to go against New Orleans. New Orleans is giving up 230 and 2 touchdowns on average and Penix just had a 72% completion rating - could be a big week for the Factory squad if he can throw up a decent number.

How Ertz/Eifert wins: Goff/ARSB... I know it sounds like a broken record. However, think about this - Gibbs had 3 touchdowns last week and exploded for 40+ points... ARSB still scored over 10 points. That means that his off games still equate to double digits - what about his "ON" games? He averages over 100 yards and 2 touchdowns. Goff is averaging over 20 points... and the Lions are starting to find their identity - score a lot of points.

Prediction: Ertz/Eifert

Mystery Guest: Ertz/Eifert

Penias and Ferb* (3-0) v GOTI (1-2)

How Penias wins: Uhhhhhhh... the better question is - how do they lose? Outside of the flex position, they are currently starting everyone inside the top 15 PRK. This is going to be a dominant run, something this league has never seen - until, and it will inevitable happen, he decides to "Cannonball" into the water. They win this matchup by a million.

How GOTI wins: JSN needs to score 90 points by himself. Seattle will surely try their best - everything runs through JSN - but he will fall just short of the needed mark in order for GOTI to win. Sucks, and I apologize - but life is going to be hard for you when you are 1-3 and on the outside looking in.

Prediction: Penias and Ferb

Mystery Guest: Penias and Ferb

Tuten My Horn (3-0) v Shough me Jeanty* (2-1)

How Tuten wins: Pass Catchers, Pass Catchers, Pass Catchers. Chase/Nico/G-Wilson/Kelce all have the capabilities to go out and have a big day. It is going to take one of those this week. Specifically, if Nico has a big week - it would mean that Stroud would also have a big week. That would be a nice connection for Tuten. Somebody from the pass catchers need to have a big week... not just anybody... you know they need somebody.

How Shough wins: Take advantage of matchups. Tet gets a matchup against the Detroit Lions and they have decided to not stop anyone. This could be a big week for Tet - but that would mean that Coker needs to leave some space for him (I don't think that anyone saw the Coker vibrance coming). Buck Buck needs to have a big week against the Packers... who just gave up 200+ yards to Bijan. If these two take advantage of their matchups... this week is over and we lose another undefeated team.

Prediction: Shough me Jeanty

Mystery Guest: Tuten My Horn

Ankle Holster (1-2) v My Team Sucks (2-1)

How Holster wins: Decide what you want to be... either make some trades and attempt to win in the Fantasy realm or make some trades and acquire as many Packers players as possible. Either way works... just make the decision. If you are going for the Packers, you have pieces to move... it just depends what pieces you want to move. If you are going for the Fantasy realm (recommended, Packers suck) - then you still have pieces to move. Make a move homeboy!

How Sucks wins: Continue the irony of the team name. The past two weeks the team has averaged 123 points and is looking stronger and stronger. Drake London looks like his tirade on the sideline two weeks ago and is now getting more targets - what do you know? Hotlanta gives the ball to Bijan and London and they get a win (or they just have Penix start). Purdy is on track to make a run at the MVP and Zay Flowers is taking advantage of matchups and his speed.

Prediction: My Team Sucks

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Check my Chubb (0-3) v Nailor? Hardly Know Her (1-2)

How Chubb wins: Become a full blown b*ner. Truth be told, this guy is working. I will have people come and show me a trade that he offered him - when I know full well, he also sent me the same deal for someone (and most likely sent the same deal to 3 other managers). I almost get the feeling that this teams likes to dangle what they have and just live the chubb zone. If they really want to get a win (close last week.. would have finished middle of the pack), they need to make a trade and turn that Chubb into a B*ner.

How Nailor? wins: Ride the stallion or flip him into a few colts. Right now, JT is the stallion in the stable. You either have decide to ride or die with him and know that they only way you win is if he has monster weeks. The other option is to take JT and trade for multiple players that are on the cusp of becoming stallions. It is not a fun decision... especially when you may have to trade your best player - which is why some players live out their careers with the team that made them big and others have a tearful goodbye before their trade value is worth nothing.

Prediction: Check my Chubb

Mystery Guest: Check my Chubb

*Could this be the week ole' tight pants gets their first win????

Mounsey Zombies (1-2) v The J-Bones (0-3)

How Zombies wins: Run the d*mn ball. Honestly, I feel like every week I look at Zombies' matchup - they have a good one... how easy is their schedule? It is also crazy that King Henry is only the 4th best RB in fantasy - every time I watch football the guy is scoring touchdowns. He is averaging 2 touchdowns a week up to this point - wild. He and Lamar are not the issue... the issue is if Barkley can be anything of what he was in 2024. So far... the answer is no. Which is wild, the Eagles have not looked great - maybe try giving him the ball.

How J-Bones win: IDK, My BFF Rose. At this point, I have no clue. The downward spiral in the rankings, in the performance (that's what she said), in life in general - needs to be studied. On paper, this team does not look 0-3... 2 top 10 RB's, the number 1 TE, a near top 10 QB - how has this team not gotten at least 1 win? Because they are the first team to cross the 400 point benchmark in "Points Against." That means teams are averaging 133.3 (repeating of course) against them... hard to win when that is happening.

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

*Could this be the week ole' Bone Zone gets their first win???

Cleveland Streamers (1-2) v A.R's Broken Finger (1-2)

How Streamers wins: Slide into Madison Beers DM's and steal her from Justin Herbo. That boy needs to wake up and in a hurry. When Harbaugh doesn't believe in you... and he was all but putting you in his mouth last year - you might be in trouble. If he wakes up and starts playing some football... this team could be dangerous. So far.... that is a big if.

How A.R's wins: Jefferson needs to play. A lot of things happened last week to equate to a very unfortunate loss. Loveland is short of a TD, 49ers defense score 0 points against the Cardinals, annnndddd Jefferson gets hurt. It was a big blow to the team... he needs to play this week and he probably needs to look more like week 1 Jefferson. Wild take... bring back Wentz?

Prediction: Cleveland Streamers

Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers

As always, good luck to everyone - except you, GOTI - may your entire roster declare to be drafted in the WNBA and forever be stuck in the cycle of women's basketball hell.

With Love

Commish

Week 3 Results

Fantasy Guru: 3-4

Mystery Guest: 2-5

Season Results

Fantasy Guru: 13-8

Mystery Guest: 9-12

Week 3

I have a list of pictures to view...

And now the aftermath of the injury...

Which one does not fit?

A) Jaxson Dart has knee flex inward - some thought done for season, reports are now saying a MCL sprain with a time frame of 4-6 weeks.... could see him come back around week 9 after the bye week. There is some thought that he returns within the 1-3 week range.

B) Jayden Daniels dislocated his elbow - just when he was cooking up the Cowboys - and is now at best looking at 3-6 weeks. There is no fracture, but he is visiting specialists this week (I gotta guy on the inside). Look for Daniels to return week 8.

C) Caleb Williams had a mosquito land on his hamstring and he went down in agony. He was in tears as he was carted off the field and was even said to have called his mother and discussed retirement. Reports now have him as day-to-day and he is questionable for week 3. F*ck this guy - I feel like I am watching a bad version of Desperate Housewives.

Either way... a few fantasy teams are now scrambling to figure out what to do at QB. Not to mention, Jayden Reed got to the pearly gates of heaven before deciding to try and stay alive during his week 2 injury. Alec Pierce is back where he is feels comfortable - he had 3 injuries last season and now he is well on his way to missing more time than playing. DJ Moore scored owners negative points after leaving early/Saquon is undergoing an MRI today/Jadarian Price is banged up/Rico Dowdle left early/Demarcus Robinson also left early.

New Rankings

1. Penias and Ferb (2-0) NO MOVEMENT: Until further notice - the King will remain at the top. The Daniels injury hurts... but does it? Mahomes (who happens to be the 3rd ranked QB) is smoothly inserted into the starting lineup. You want the top spot? Someone better beat them.

2. Shough Me Jeanty (2-0) UP 2 SPOTS: Is this the best team in the league? They have scored the most points, they are undefeated, they have the largest point differential. 

3. Mounsey Zombies (2-0) UP 2 SPOTS: Christian Watson is joining up with the Baltimore Brothers and giving this team a nasty trio of front runners. Not too mention the surprise rebirth of Laporta at the TE spot.

4. Tuten My Horn (2-0) UP 2 SPOTS: The big question for this team is whether CJ Stroud is going to be the answer for a Dart replacement. Honestly, not a bad backup - but he is going to ride and die on whether or not Nico plays - and so will this team.

5. Cleveland Streamers (1-1) UP 3 SPOTS: For some reason, Herbert and LAC offense can't figure it out - if they do? This is a top 3 lineup in the league.

6. Ertz/Eifert (1-1) UP 3 SPOTS: Big belt winner this week! Thank-you Lions tandem, Goff/ARSB - to think that they scored combine 65 points (47% of the teams total points) in a losing effort. You don't need winners in the NFL - you just need point getters.

7. The J-Bones (0-2) DOWN 4 SPOTS: This tumble needs to be studied - to be fair, they had a brutal first 2 weeks... Penias and Shough Me. The lineup looks eye-popping and CMC is staying healthy... give it time?

8. Factory of Sadness (1-1) DOWN 6 SPOTS: This is what happens when there are only 2 games for the sample factor... also, another team that takes a big hit at the QB position

9. Nailor? I Hardly Know Her (1-1) UP 1 SPOT: A team that is close to having a deep lineup... but right now they have 1 stallion. The question is: Rather have 1 stallion or stable full of breeders?

10. A.R's Broken Finger (1-1) UP 1 SPOT: Call it what you want, this team has stud WR's and absolutely big misses everywhere else. Will they wake up and get this team back inside the Playoff Line?

11. Ankle Holster (1-1) DOWN 4 SPOTS: Josh Allen can only do so much - but man is he fun to watch and have on your team. The man is the best player in football - but he is also 1 of 2 players on Holster - when the other doesn't show up, there is not enough depth to survive.

12. My Team Sucks (1-1) UP 1 SPOT: Gotta a big win this past week, thank you Purdy and Aubrey (Tier 1 Kicker). Do you really want to rely on Aubrey to score 16 points each week? Time to make a move.

13. Greatest Offense There Is (0-2) DOWN 1 SPOT: If Ankle Holster is the definition of a 2-man squad... what does that make this team? Stafford and JSN.... and the rest are gearing up to race Johnny Knoxville in The Ringger

14. Slender TD's (0-2) NO MOVEMENT: Yeeaaaahhhhh.... no more passes... you suck at this Fantasy Football thing. Time to make a move or start sucking your own d-piece... the choice is yours.

Things to Note:

- Penias and Shough Me will play in Week 3 for the top spot in the rankings.

- The bottom 3 teams remain the same 3 teams as last week.

- There are 3 teams that faced big-time injuries... Penias/Tuten/Factory - maybe some trade rumors are flying around?

- The biggest mover since the DDA - Mounsey Zombies - thank-you emergence of Christian Watson!!

Week 3 Predictions
Matchup of the Week
Shough Me Jeanty* (2-0) v Penias and Ferb (2-0)

You hate to have the same teams rotate in the MotW.... but what do you do? Not highlight the 1 and 2 in the power rankings? Yeah... everybody in the league knows this is a possible championship preview.

Battle to Watch: Tyler Shough v Patrick Mahomes...

This sounds like a matchup that would be extremely lopsided, and it may - just not the way that you think. Shough, not Mahomes, leads the NFL in passing yards. Shough, not Mahomes, has a disadvantageous backfield and will be forced to the throw the ball often. Shough, not Mahomes, plays for a team that will find themselves in passing scripts more often than not. 

Buuuuuutttt.... Mahomes is The Magician.

How Shough wins: Consistency and Break-outs. Fantasy Football is simple when you play for consistency and every so often a breakout happens. Shough Me has the depth to stay consistent, with the exception of a really bad week, they should never drop below 105/110 range. The big breakouts are what pushes the scores up to the 130's and beyond. This is the recipe for success and the depth for this line-up is there. 

How Penias wins: Big time players take advantage of comfy matchups. Mahomes gets to go against Miami Dolphins. Jahmyr Gibbs gets to go against New York Jets. Chris Olave gets to go against the Las Vegas Raiders. Matthew Golden gets to go against the Atlanta Falcons. This is a slew of bad defenses... this needs to be a big week for Penias if they want to hold on to the top spot.

Prediction: Penias and Ferb 

Mystery Guest: Shough Me Jeanty

Nailor? Hardly (0-2) v Ankle Holster (1-1)

How Nailor? wins: Middle Man never wins. I don't see them winning, but if they did win - it would be with Ankle Holster losing. At this point, Nailor? is stuck in a middle land - they have only a few decent players, but nothing good enough to sustain a good run to the playoffs. Which means they stay stuck and win a few and lose most or they make a trade to gain more depth - but that will cost a top player. Time to get active on the trading block.

How Holster wins: Josh Allen. Is there a better player in the NFL through these 2 weeks? Nope. Is there a better player in fantasy through 2 weeks? Nope. Does somebody need to help him out? Probably. Does Holster need to entertain the idea of a making a move with the other pieces? Probably. Will he? Probably not. Should win this week, thank-you cellar dwellers fighting bottom feeders.

Prediction: Ankle Holster

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Tuten My Horn (2-0) v Slender TD's (0-2)

How Tuten wins: Don't hold your breath for longer than the allotted time that your body can go without oxygen. You could also just not jump off a bridge of 200+ foot valley. Maybe not jump in front of traffic on a eight lane highway? Just put it this way, Slender has yet to break 90 points - they have a combined 159 points through 2 weeks. Just show up, don't shoot yourself in the foot and move on.

How Slender wins: Have you ever heard of the term fire sale? You let the league know that no one is untouchable on your roster. You flood the inbox with a bunch of trade offers. You sift through the offers - you find the best offers you like and piece together a team that is much better than this one. These years are tough (when your team is awful), but they can be the most fun. You have to actually work at trying to make the playoffs - the grind is real.

Prediction: Tuten My Horn

Mystery Guest: Tuten My Horn

My Team Sucks (1-1) v Mounsey Zombies (2-0)

First off, if the top 2 teams in the power rankings weren't playing each other - this would have some discussion to being the MotW.

How Sucks wins: London and Fannin wake up. We are talking about pass catchers who finished 7th in ppg in WR's and 8th in ppg in TE's. Currently, each are averaging 7 - news flash that is a combined 15 points off of what they were doing last year. It is not like they are old enough to regress... wake up and help this squad out!

How Zombies wins: Watson and Laporta have nice matchups.... Watson gets Atlanta on Thursday and Laporta gets NYJ - hello comfy matchups. Not to mention that Lamar and Henry get Dallas - who have given up a total of 347 rushing yards through 2 weeks. I just don't see this matchup going any other way than the Zombies moving to 3-0.

Prediction: Mounsey Zombies

Mystery Guest: Mounsey Zombies

Ertz/Eifert* (1-1) v Cleveland Streamers (1-1)

How Ertz/Eifert wins: Hello BELT WINNER!!! The easy answer is to do what you did last week - which is entirely possible. The more complex answer is to take advantage of matchups that pair well with your big name players. Breece Hall gets Detroit - who has not looked super stellar stopping the opponents rushing attack (giving up nearly 300 yards in 2 weeks). Goff and ARSB then turn around and get the NYJ defense... which is surprisingly good so far? But they have only faced off against the Titans and a battered Packers air attack... nothing compared to Goff and ARSB.

How Streamers wins: Feed the Thirds... Walker has found a system that gives him opportunity and there is little behind him on the depth chart. Cook had a big game last week and is now looking to keep this vaulted Buffalo attack going. The interesting part about feeding the Thirds and is that Burden finds himself on the bench... but that is more because his QB is a puss puss and having Case Keenum be your guy that rely on to get you the ball is never a good thing.

Prediction: Ertz/Eifert

Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers

GOTI (0-2) v The J-Bones (0-2)

How GOTI wins: Fire Sale. The Google definition of fire sale is the urgent sale of goods or assets because the owner faces severe financial loss. At some point, you need to make moves and attempt to work this diarrhea into a turd - that or flush this season down the drain with all the sh*t (talking) that follows. But hey, you might just get lucky - you are facing the fastest tumbling team in the Power Rankings.

How JBones wins: Thank the fantasy gods for a matchup that doesn't consist of the top two team in the Power Rankings. Now would be a good time to have the squad show up like the are supposed to and get a much needed win in a big way. Teams that start off 0-3 are 2-22 at making the playoffs in our tightly held manuscripts of the Bluffton Bombshells. A WR needs to help out the lineup... or it might be time to go shopping.

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Factory of Sadness (1-1) v A.R's Broken Finger (1-1)

How Factory wins: Hope it doesn't come down to the QB. Obviously, there is nothing that can be done about an injury - but if it were me, I would call that puss puss up and tell him it is time to play. Everywhere else looks like it should be pretty solid - but the big question mark is at QB. There may need to be a long term solution for this problem if Williams does not come back.

How ARs wins: Ceedee Jefferson... See what I did there? See what I did there? These two are two of the top 3 WR's and they need to keep performing like they are in order to keep this teams chances alive. It also wouldn't be a bad thing if Coleston Loveland remembered how to play football again. Loveland was a top 12 TE last season, and a top 10 in the beginning stages of the season. Right now, he is 77th and has score a total of 1.3 points through 2 weeks.

Prediction: ARs Broken Finger

Mystery Guest: Factory of Sadness

As always, good luck to everyone - except you, Shough Me Jeanty - may your entire roster declare to be drafted in the WNBA and forever be stuck in the cycle of women's basketball hell.

With Love

Commish

Week 2 Results

Fantasy Guru: 5-2

Mystery Guest: 3-4

Season Total

Fantasy Guru: 10-4

Mystery Guest: 7-7