Let's Get Ready to Rumble....

If Draft Day is one the most important days of the fantasy season, week one is one of the most exciting times of the fantasy season. This is the time when the arguing and convincing, the research and mock drafts, and the trash talking all come to fruition. There is no persuading your way out of game results and stats. It is exciting to see what your hard work has produced.

Not to mention the fact that every team now starts on an even playing field (this is a redraft league). Who cares if you won it all last year? I know I sure as hell don't. Once the first kick-off has taken place we are all 0-0 and anticipating our first win. Which brings me to our Team of the Week...

Team of the Week: Pretty Boy is my B*tch

The returning champ is back and ready to lay claim to his crown once more. A team that has focused on locking up top tier wide receivers is going to be hoping that a couple of back-up running backs can find a way to get their touches. Let's look at the roster....

QB - Cam Newton, Sam Darnold
Newton is going to routinely be the starter, but Darnold is a sneaky pick-up and I applaud the defending champ for it. Darnold is not a small human being and some would say that he resemble the same stature as Big Ben. With the addition of Le'veon Bell in the backfield and a speedster on the outside (Robby Anderson) this offense could shape up to look like the Pittsburgh offense. The bigger question: will the Jets offense line be able to give enough time? That shouldn't matter, unless Newton gets hurt - which never happens does it? Actually, 3 of the past 5 seasons Newton has only managed to start in 14 games. Not to mention Newton is coming into the final week of the pre-season with a mild sprain. Newton is going to need to stay healthy this season if this team wants to have a solid starter at QB, would you really want to put your fantasy hopes in the hands of Sam Darnold?

RB - James White, Tarik Cohen, Jaylen Samuels, Tony Pollard
The running back department is by far the weakest area in the line-up for PIMB. White and Cohen are the projected starters for most of the season (fantasy), but are both looking up the depth chart. Both the backs are the preferred receiving backs - which does favor them in a PPR league. I predict that Cohen will be lined up in the slot quite often, and White will have his typical big games throughout the season. Looks like PIMB better be studying the offense reports each week to see if he needs to make a few adjustments.

WR - Julio Jones, Tyreek Hill, TY Hilton, Courtland Sutton, Adam Humphries, N'Keal Harry
There was a very distinctive focus when it came to drafting and it was clear PIMB was going to take advantage of the PPR scoring format. This group would look much more amazing if Luck didn't retire, Sutton didn't have a new QB, and Humphries didn't switch teams in the offseason. Unfortunately, those things did happen and there will a big reliance on Jones and Hill to carry the squad. Not a bad two to rely on, and frankly there could be some decent numbers coming from this department if a 3rd receiver can step-up and fill the FLEX role.

TE - Evan Engram, Noah Fant
Engram is going to be the consistent starter, and he deserves to be. The only risk that Engram carries is the fact that either Eli Manning or Daniel Jones will be throwing him the ball. Without Tate available for the first quarter of the week, teams will be focusing on shutting down Barkley in the backfield and Engram in the middle. Honestly, Fant could end up taking the starting slot from Engram. Reports out of Denver are stating that Fant has great hands and he wasn't drafted to block. He is a legit downfield threat and with the addition of Flacco (someone who loves to throw the ball downfield), look for Fant to put up low end TE2 stats.

DEF/K - Vikings/Mike Badgley
Typically these positions would be streamed throughout the season; however, when you draft a defense like Minnesota you are hoping that they can be a mainstay in the line-up. Vikings will perform higher than the average defense on any given week and frankly, that is all you can ask for. I will say this many time throughout the season - I don't give a shit about who your kicker is and if he "Tier 1."


Naturally, since Pretty Boy is my B*tch is the Team of the Week - they find themselves in the matchup of the week. Last season, I threw the matchup of the week at the bottom of the post - this season we are highlighting it in the top of the card...

Matchup of the Week

Pretty Boy is my B*tch (0-0) v The J-Bones (0-0)

This matchup features our returning champ and the first selection overall - what is not to like?

QB - Rodgers v Newton
This is a tough decision - tougher than it looks on paper. Rodgers is only projected to score 15.7 points and Newton at 18. This is mainly because of the defense that Rodgers is facing (the Bears). However, it is a rivalry game and it is the first game of the season.

Big players step-up in big moments on big stages!

Look for Rodgers to shine in the season opener and win this matchup by at least 5 points, which is a big margin considering he is projected to lose by 2.3 points.

RB - Kamara/Coleman v White/Cohen
There will always be a slight debate between Kamara and Barkley for the top overall pick, but one thing is clear those two (and Run CMC) find themselves in a clear tier by themselves. Kamara will be the sole breadwinner in the backfield of an offense that loves to score points. Not only that, last year when Ingram was suspended for the first four games - Kamara broke the 30 point threshold 3 times and averaged 34 points each week. Kamara wins this matchup singlehandedly, and it shouldn't be close!

WR - Thielen/Cooks v Jones/Hill
For a team that locked up Kamara with the number one pick, having Thielen and Cook as your wide receivers are no slouch. Those will win their fair share of match-ups with opposing wide receivers, just not this week. Jones and Hill are both top guys on their teams - which both love to throw the ball! Last year's top two quarterbacks? Patrick Mahomes and Matt Ryan. You know that Jones and Hill are going to be monsters this season and they will be looking start week one with a bang!

TE - McDonald v Engram
This is a toss-up, anybody that tries to convince of anything different is crazy. The Steelers will be looking for McDonald to fill a bigger role - especially considering 168 targets just walked out the door. Engram is an athletic big tight-end that plays for a team that also just had 124 targets leave (and that was only through week 13). Both are expected to fill bigger roles and both tight-ends are not touchdown dependent - flip a coin and take your pick!

FLEX - Gordon v Hilton
I will be the first guy to tell you that I am not high on Hilton after Andrew "Well F*ck" retired. He is a great deep threat and we can not just disregard that fact that Luck and his brain is not available to direct the Hilton into streaking downfield bombs. Brissett is serviceable, but there is a definite hit to Hilton's stock. With that being said, there is still a week and half left before the Gordon's first game - and we all know how much that man loves to smoke the reefer! Can he last that long?

DEF/K - Chargers/Zuerlein v Vikings/Badgley

Remember when I said I will say it many times this season.... I don't give a shit about your kicker and if he is Tier One. However, I do like the fact that the Chargers are facing the Colts and will be looking to put some pressure on Brissett. Brissett is one of the top backup QB's in the NFL - but he is still a back-up and look for the LAC defense to jump all over him.

Prediction: The J-Bones win

Competitor's Prediction: Pretty Boy is my B*tch win

....And Your Johnson (0-0) v Wings of Dickarus (0-0)

This is a big matchup that features the top tandem in Kansas City against the top team in the DDA. Mahomes was the top player in fantasy football last season and Kelce was the top tight end - one might say this tandem is slight step-up from Cutler/Marshall. However, you can't just look at Johnson's lineup and suggest it is a two man show - Brown and Anderson are both speedsters on the outside and will be looking to finish in the top 20 in that department. Will that be enough to take down the top dog of the DDA?  The law firm of Johnson and Johnson will be the driving force followed up by a solid FLEX slot with the most efficient college running back in 2018. Jacobs is going to need to be this year's breakout rookie for Wings to have a chance in the long run. Will the running backs of the Wings be enough to stop the top tandem in the NFL? I think so.

Prediction: Wings of Dickarus win 

Competitor's Prediction: Wings of Dickarus win

Ossian Sleepers (0-0) v Florida State SeminalVesicles (0-0)

We can call this matchup Auto Draft versus Run CMC, because well one team was auto drafted and one team is basically Christian McCaffrey. Ossian Sleepers needs to do two things...

1) Pray and hope that Elliott is signed and Gordon reports - because without those two, it is going to be a loooooonnnngggg season
2) Change that damn name!

Run CMC is a stud and he is one of the top three players to be had this season. He is going to carry this squad to a few wins, especially if his support cast with Ertz and Brees can help out. These three should be just enough to take down Ossian Sleepers - especially with Gordon and Elliott out for the time being.

Prediction: FSSV win
Competitor's Prediction: FSSV win

Massive TD's (0-0) v The Back Hatch (0-0)

As stated in the previous post, Massive TD's found themselves in the bottom of the DDA last season and came out and smashed their opponent in week one. Does that spell disaster for The Backhatch? These two teams are so close in matchups it is hard to find an edge on either side. Hopkins and Lockett have a distinct advantage over Diggs and Jones Jr. Bell and Fournette have a distinct advantage over Jones and Williams. Prescott has an advantage over Allen. Lindsay has an advantage over Landry. Back and forth, forth and back - both teams have solid studs (Bell and Hopkins respectively) and both teams have weak spots, but which weak spot has a better chance of stepping and filling the needed role? I am putting my money on Aaron Jones.

Prediction: Massive TD's win
Competitor's Prediction: Massive TD's win

Aaron Rodgers blows Llamas (0-0) v Biggus Dickus (0-0)

Let me be the first to welcome you to the league, Llamas will be the second and he will welcome you the correct way. Watson, Conner, Evans, and the only defense that is worth mentioning - Bears D/ST will handle their business and easily take care of the newbie. Don't get me wrong, Mayfield and JuJu will perform this season - they are not the issue. The issue lies within the fact that Carson and Michel are both running backs that are known to have their issues catching, or even holding, the ball. Cooper Kupp is coming off of a major injury and Julian Edelman will no longer have the comfort blanket of Gronk to take on double and triple teams. Llamas has a strong team, and will have a strong year - I would hate to be the team that has to take them on in week one!

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas win
Competitor's Prediction: Biggus Dickus win

Ankle Holster (0-0) v Hernandez Hit Men (0-0)

Let me first start this out by reminding everyone that Mixon, Cook, and Mack need to beat James Conner in order for Ankle Holster to win a bet - what a silly goose. Not is that bet not going to go well for Ankle Holster, but this matchup is not looking promising either. Gurley and Thomas are two studs that could carry a team all on their own - but they won't have to. Murray is going to finish in the top ten for a few weeks, until defense finally figure out the offense - which they will, this is the NFL. Henry will be fed the rock on a consistent basis until Tennessee's offense begins to stutter - like it usually does. Robinson will play for two weeks, before going down with an injury and living his best life on the sideline. With all of that being said, this week will the be the perfect storm of what could happen if every player plays up to their potential.

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men
Competitor's Prediction: Ankle Holster win

Pen15 Wrinkle (0-0) v Hoosier Daddy (0-0)

What do you do when you trade your middle round draft picks in order to have three picks in the top 15? You grab three studs and lock up the best wide receiver tandem in the fantasy league, then you grab a hometown player that could finish as a top ten running back. However, what you may have in top end talent - you will most definitely lack in depth. Not to mention the fact that you are facing off against: Saquon Barkley - last year's top RB, Matt Ryan - last year's 2nd QB, George Kittle - a top tier TE, Amari Cooper - projected to finish within the top 15 at WR (nobody gives a shit about your tier 1 kicker). Wrinkle's lineup is littered with studs and it is nice to know that he actually drafted his team for once. Wrinkle has their eye on the future prize and Daddy will be the first victim.

Prediction: Pen15 Wrinkle
Competitor's Prediction: Pen15 Wrinkle win


As you finish reading this post, raise a glass (or whatever is currently in your hand, actually don't do that John - nobody wants to see what is in your hand) and pour one out for Chadler Prible and Dr. Brad Yates. Our former league mates have moved on and we should honor them.

Nah, just kidding - f*ck 'em!


Bless

Where is Kevin Costner when you need him!

Draft Day.

Not just a good movie.

Christmas Morning for most men.

Draft day is one of the most important days of the Fantasy Football season. Your entire season relies on your ability to solidify your team with a couple bangers and finding those hidden gems in the late rounds. If you want win, you need both.

There can be a lot of thought going into drafting a fantasy team - and there can be no thought. Hell, you could even have your son the computer draft for you... cough John Price cough. Either way, draft day is coming for you and whether you like it or not - there is a lot riding on how everything plays out.

Matthew Berry always talks about you need to understand your league and everyone in it if you want to be successful. Should you take a QB early? Should employ the RB/RB strategy? Should make sure to lock as many tier-one guys (even if it means taking a kicker early)? However you decide to draft, stick to your guns and be ready to defend your position.... especially in a DDA. Which brings me my next topic.....

This season's DDA standings are:
1. Wings of Dickarus
2. The J-Bones
3. Pen15 Wrinkle
4. Backhatch
5. Blows Llamas
6. Hernandez Hitmen
7. Ankle Holster
8. The Trashmen
9. Hoosier Daddy
10. And Your Johnson
11. Massive TD's
12. Pretty Boy
13. Biggus Dickus
14. Ossian Sleepers

Now, let's get to the fun stuff and really breakdown each team! Let me start at the bottom...

14. Ossian Sleepers
There are multiple questions marks when it comes to this team and a lot would need to go right for everything to work-out. Considering their first picks (Elliott and M. Gordon) have not even reported to their respective teams. With K. Allen and A. Jeffery as two of their top three wide receivers - they are just inviting the injury bug to come and stay for more than just a weekend. Not to mention that having your draft completed by the computer also means that L. Miller (torn ACL) and A. Luck (retirement) are also on the squad, but not on the field. Let's just call it what it is, thanks for the donation this year!

13. Biggus Dickus
It is ironic that the bottom two teams in the DDA are also the two new members in the fantasy league, or is it? Biggus started this "draft season" off with a bang, by making the only trade prior to draft - one that sent his 1st round pick to another team for a return for a bevy of picks in the 3-5 round. Did it pay off? Not so much. Smith-Schuster is going to be great and frankly was a fantastic pick-up in the middle of the 2nd round, but after that there multiple issues that will need to be dealt with. Carson and Michel are the starting RB's and I know Biggus is new to the league, but this is a PPR league and neither of those guys have ever played catch... with anyone... ever. Then Biggus decided to go after the locker room guys - just grabbing a bunch of gym rats. In other words, 4 out of his next 5 guys lack the athletic gene that might be required to be successful in the NFL. Once again, thanks for the donation!

12. Pretty Boy is my B*tch
Ladies and Gentlemen, our returning champ has returned and let me tell you - there will be no back-to-back. After grabbing T. Hill and J. Jones in the early rounds (which is great), there is quite a few risky plays that will be filling out the lineup. J. White and T. Cohen are looking up from behind on the depth chart - yet PIMB is going to be needing them to get more touches to keep up. Evan Engram could have a big year, but how big of year is he going to have with Danielle Jones throwing him the ball? Newton is going to need to have a huge year, and I mean huge year for this team to compete. If you need help hiring some movers to help get that trophy out of your room, let me know - I got a guy.

11. Massive TD's
Honestly, the last time TD's was this low in the DDA they came out and exploded in the first week. After that? Absolute shit. Things aren't looking much better this year. Hopkins is going to need to score 60 points each week for this team to have a chance at sniffing a victory. A. Jones and D. Williams both play on great offensive teams... that love to throw the ball as much as possible. Prescott plays quarterback for a team that will forever be run-first. I am actually amazed that you were able to snag players on great offensive teams - too bad they were just not right players.

10. And Your Johnson
There are multiple strategies to employ when drafting, but one strategy you shouldn't employ is reaching. Kelce in the first round, Mahomes in the third round, and a kicker in the eleventh round. I am just not sure your arm is long enough for all the reaching taking place. Kelce is great, but in the first round? Mahomes is great, but in the third round? And... HOLY EFF, WHY DID A RUN OF KICKERS TAKE PLACE IN THE ELEVENTH ROUND?!? I don't want to say you are bad at drafting (clearly not the worst), but you are definitely a better coach than you are manager.

9. Hoosier Daddy
"That is crazy"
"What is crazy?"
"That Hoosier Daddy went from being a nomination for the worst team and made it to single digits."

That my friend, is an exact conversation that took place forty minutes after the draft. D. Adams, OBJ, and Chubb should all be great. After that? Relying on a rookie running back, a 2nd option WR in a run-first offense, and a QB that required a different QB to be drafted right after. After that, Hoosier Daddy is really hoping someone gets hurt. The back-up running backs: L. Murray, D. Singletary, A. Mattison, I. Smith. Is it going to be weird watching NFL games with all of your players on the bench?

8. The Trashmen
You had better thank your lucky stars that you were able to nab Run CMC. Without him, this team is utter trash, see what I did there? Ertz has the potential to be great, but if I was a betting man (and I am) I would say he sees the field less 70 percent of the time. Let's not even get started on the wide receivers, DJ Moore, S. Watkins, Valdes-Scantling, D. Moncrief, M. Sanu. Your best receiver might be Sanu - and you picked him last! I don't envy your job, each week you have to look at your shitty team and try and decide which trash player to go with!

7. Ankle Holster
It is endearing when one team tries to emulate another - but it just looks sad when they don't do it as well. J. Mixon, D. Cook, M. Mack are all decent options but to try and convince a room that all three are going to outplay J. Conner - that is asinine. Honestly, every time I look at your team that is all I can see - what a silly bet! Anyways, if M. Gordon really does sit-out the entire year Ekeler becomes a hell of a steal in round six. Mack is going to struggle without Luck to keep defenses honest and D. Cook has a history of being injured. Let's just hope between the four of them you can find a couple players, because they are going to need to drag the sad sack of Goff/Woods combo all season long!

6. Hernandez Hitmen
If you were to go back downstairs and look at the draft board, a few picks might stick out to you. The one that sticks out to me? Kyler Murray drafted as the 7th QB. Last year, the same owner took Mahomes (a rookie QB) and it paid off in a big way. However, you can't convince me that Fitzgerald and company match-up in anyway to Kelce/Hill/Hunt. The next pick that might stand out? Derrick Henry in the 3rd round of a PPR league. Henry is running back notorious for having bricks for hands. Tennessee lost one of the best offensive lineman in the league for the first part of the season. This could be a huge blow to the run game. Thomas and Gurley are going to need to score some major points this season - and they could, top 6 ain't bad?

5. Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas
Remember, that crazy bet about three running backs outscoring J. Conner? Llamas is really banking on Conner doing what he needs to do to outperform those three. He should outperform them and with M. Evans holding down the fort on the wide receiver front - this team has two studs with a top tier quarterback in D. Watson. What would keep them out the top four? Mark Ingram, Kenny G. (the sax player), and Derrius Guice. There is going to be some depending on these players - and these are not necessarily the players I want to be leaning on.

4. Backhatch
Will Le'veon Bell be the same? Hell no. Would Matthew Berry draft him in the top five? Hell no. Does that make this a bad team? Hell no. With Bell, Fournette, and P. Lindsay as the three running backs on the squad - there is plenty of options. Stefon Diggs is going to have another top 20 WR year and should be a consistent play. However, Backhatch will be hoping that G. Tate, AJ Green, and M. Jones can step up and fill the role of WR 2. More than likely, one of them will be serviceable on any given week - but will Backhatch be smart enough to make the right decision? The Backhatch is always the right decision.

3. Pen15 Wrinkle
First, thank you.
Take a moment and give yourself a pat on your back for being social and actually coming out to the draft party. Now, if you could spread the word that it is actually fun - maybe, just maybe, we could get 100% attendance next year. Unfortunately, just because you show up to the draft doesn't mean you make all great decisions. Barkley is great - and an obvious no brainer. There some definite hope that A. Cooper can continue the onslaught he put on teams after being traded last season. Kittle is great tight end and definitely not a miss. M. Williams is a definite question mark, but you drafted a defense and kicker in rounds 10 and 11. You are aware that most successful teams stream those positions based on matchups correct? But hey, if we have to knock the defense and kicker - you must be doing something right, welcome to the top three!

2. The J-Bones
Kamara as the number one pick is fantastic. Adam Thielen as your number one receiver is fantastic. Brandin Cooks as your number two receiver is decent. Josh Gordon in the fourth round.... wait what? Josh Goron in the 4th round? WTF?!?! Littering and... littering and.... littering and... Rodgers is a great quarterback. SERIOUSLY, WHO STARTS A RUN ON KICKERS IN THE ELEVENTH ROUND?? I get it, you are a tier guy and you had to get that top tier kicker - but wow. Hey, I am not judging (actually I am) - after all you did make it to the top two.

Smoking the reefer.

1. Wings of Dickarus
Is this a surprise? Obviously not. Will you all hate it and disagree? Obviously. How can you argue against the law firm of Johnson and Johnson at running back? Both rb's are number one guys who love catching the football - this is a PPR league, right? Josh Jacobs was the most efficient running back in college and now is with an offense that brought a key piece to keeping defense honest and he should see plenty of touches. Last year, I stole JuJu and he turned out to be fantastic. This year it is going to be C. Godwin. If Winston loves doing one thing, it is f*cking her right in the p*ssy. When he is done doing that, he will slang that rock all over the field and Godwin will be a recipient of many throws. Not to mention the fact, that the rumor mill has Drake on the move and creating space for K. Ballage in the Miami backfield. This roster is so good, I actually just finished rosterbating... twice.

Well gents, feel free to voice your comments - I will listen and hear out every single one of them. Oh wait, no I won't.


Bless