Let's Get Ready to Rumble....

If Draft Day is one the most important days of the fantasy season, week one is one of the most exciting times of the fantasy season. This is the time when the arguing and convincing, the research and mock drafts, and the trash talking all come to fruition. There is no persuading your way out of game results and stats. It is exciting to see what your hard work has produced.

Not to mention the fact that every team now starts on an even playing field (this is a redraft league). Who cares if you won it all last year? I know I sure as hell don't. Once the first kick-off has taken place we are all 0-0 and anticipating our first win. Which brings me to our Team of the Week...

Team of the Week: Pretty Boy is my B*tch

The returning champ is back and ready to lay claim to his crown once more. A team that has focused on locking up top tier wide receivers is going to be hoping that a couple of back-up running backs can find a way to get their touches. Let's look at the roster....

QB - Cam Newton, Sam Darnold
Newton is going to routinely be the starter, but Darnold is a sneaky pick-up and I applaud the defending champ for it. Darnold is not a small human being and some would say that he resemble the same stature as Big Ben. With the addition of Le'veon Bell in the backfield and a speedster on the outside (Robby Anderson) this offense could shape up to look like the Pittsburgh offense. The bigger question: will the Jets offense line be able to give enough time? That shouldn't matter, unless Newton gets hurt - which never happens does it? Actually, 3 of the past 5 seasons Newton has only managed to start in 14 games. Not to mention Newton is coming into the final week of the pre-season with a mild sprain. Newton is going to need to stay healthy this season if this team wants to have a solid starter at QB, would you really want to put your fantasy hopes in the hands of Sam Darnold?

RB - James White, Tarik Cohen, Jaylen Samuels, Tony Pollard
The running back department is by far the weakest area in the line-up for PIMB. White and Cohen are the projected starters for most of the season (fantasy), but are both looking up the depth chart. Both the backs are the preferred receiving backs - which does favor them in a PPR league. I predict that Cohen will be lined up in the slot quite often, and White will have his typical big games throughout the season. Looks like PIMB better be studying the offense reports each week to see if he needs to make a few adjustments.

WR - Julio Jones, Tyreek Hill, TY Hilton, Courtland Sutton, Adam Humphries, N'Keal Harry
There was a very distinctive focus when it came to drafting and it was clear PIMB was going to take advantage of the PPR scoring format. This group would look much more amazing if Luck didn't retire, Sutton didn't have a new QB, and Humphries didn't switch teams in the offseason. Unfortunately, those things did happen and there will a big reliance on Jones and Hill to carry the squad. Not a bad two to rely on, and frankly there could be some decent numbers coming from this department if a 3rd receiver can step-up and fill the FLEX role.

TE - Evan Engram, Noah Fant
Engram is going to be the consistent starter, and he deserves to be. The only risk that Engram carries is the fact that either Eli Manning or Daniel Jones will be throwing him the ball. Without Tate available for the first quarter of the week, teams will be focusing on shutting down Barkley in the backfield and Engram in the middle. Honestly, Fant could end up taking the starting slot from Engram. Reports out of Denver are stating that Fant has great hands and he wasn't drafted to block. He is a legit downfield threat and with the addition of Flacco (someone who loves to throw the ball downfield), look for Fant to put up low end TE2 stats.

DEF/K - Vikings/Mike Badgley
Typically these positions would be streamed throughout the season; however, when you draft a defense like Minnesota you are hoping that they can be a mainstay in the line-up. Vikings will perform higher than the average defense on any given week and frankly, that is all you can ask for. I will say this many time throughout the season - I don't give a shit about who your kicker is and if he "Tier 1."


Naturally, since Pretty Boy is my B*tch is the Team of the Week - they find themselves in the matchup of the week. Last season, I threw the matchup of the week at the bottom of the post - this season we are highlighting it in the top of the card...

Matchup of the Week

Pretty Boy is my B*tch (0-0) v The J-Bones (0-0)

This matchup features our returning champ and the first selection overall - what is not to like?

QB - Rodgers v Newton
This is a tough decision - tougher than it looks on paper. Rodgers is only projected to score 15.7 points and Newton at 18. This is mainly because of the defense that Rodgers is facing (the Bears). However, it is a rivalry game and it is the first game of the season.

Big players step-up in big moments on big stages!

Look for Rodgers to shine in the season opener and win this matchup by at least 5 points, which is a big margin considering he is projected to lose by 2.3 points.

RB - Kamara/Coleman v White/Cohen
There will always be a slight debate between Kamara and Barkley for the top overall pick, but one thing is clear those two (and Run CMC) find themselves in a clear tier by themselves. Kamara will be the sole breadwinner in the backfield of an offense that loves to score points. Not only that, last year when Ingram was suspended for the first four games - Kamara broke the 30 point threshold 3 times and averaged 34 points each week. Kamara wins this matchup singlehandedly, and it shouldn't be close!

WR - Thielen/Cooks v Jones/Hill
For a team that locked up Kamara with the number one pick, having Thielen and Cook as your wide receivers are no slouch. Those will win their fair share of match-ups with opposing wide receivers, just not this week. Jones and Hill are both top guys on their teams - which both love to throw the ball! Last year's top two quarterbacks? Patrick Mahomes and Matt Ryan. You know that Jones and Hill are going to be monsters this season and they will be looking start week one with a bang!

TE - McDonald v Engram
This is a toss-up, anybody that tries to convince of anything different is crazy. The Steelers will be looking for McDonald to fill a bigger role - especially considering 168 targets just walked out the door. Engram is an athletic big tight-end that plays for a team that also just had 124 targets leave (and that was only through week 13). Both are expected to fill bigger roles and both tight-ends are not touchdown dependent - flip a coin and take your pick!

FLEX - Gordon v Hilton
I will be the first guy to tell you that I am not high on Hilton after Andrew "Well F*ck" retired. He is a great deep threat and we can not just disregard that fact that Luck and his brain is not available to direct the Hilton into streaking downfield bombs. Brissett is serviceable, but there is a definite hit to Hilton's stock. With that being said, there is still a week and half left before the Gordon's first game - and we all know how much that man loves to smoke the reefer! Can he last that long?

DEF/K - Chargers/Zuerlein v Vikings/Badgley

Remember when I said I will say it many times this season.... I don't give a shit about your kicker and if he is Tier One. However, I do like the fact that the Chargers are facing the Colts and will be looking to put some pressure on Brissett. Brissett is one of the top backup QB's in the NFL - but he is still a back-up and look for the LAC defense to jump all over him.

Prediction: The J-Bones win

Competitor's Prediction: Pretty Boy is my B*tch win

....And Your Johnson (0-0) v Wings of Dickarus (0-0)

This is a big matchup that features the top tandem in Kansas City against the top team in the DDA. Mahomes was the top player in fantasy football last season and Kelce was the top tight end - one might say this tandem is slight step-up from Cutler/Marshall. However, you can't just look at Johnson's lineup and suggest it is a two man show - Brown and Anderson are both speedsters on the outside and will be looking to finish in the top 20 in that department. Will that be enough to take down the top dog of the DDA?  The law firm of Johnson and Johnson will be the driving force followed up by a solid FLEX slot with the most efficient college running back in 2018. Jacobs is going to need to be this year's breakout rookie for Wings to have a chance in the long run. Will the running backs of the Wings be enough to stop the top tandem in the NFL? I think so.

Prediction: Wings of Dickarus win 

Competitor's Prediction: Wings of Dickarus win

Ossian Sleepers (0-0) v Florida State SeminalVesicles (0-0)

We can call this matchup Auto Draft versus Run CMC, because well one team was auto drafted and one team is basically Christian McCaffrey. Ossian Sleepers needs to do two things...

1) Pray and hope that Elliott is signed and Gordon reports - because without those two, it is going to be a loooooonnnngggg season
2) Change that damn name!

Run CMC is a stud and he is one of the top three players to be had this season. He is going to carry this squad to a few wins, especially if his support cast with Ertz and Brees can help out. These three should be just enough to take down Ossian Sleepers - especially with Gordon and Elliott out for the time being.

Prediction: FSSV win
Competitor's Prediction: FSSV win

Massive TD's (0-0) v The Back Hatch (0-0)

As stated in the previous post, Massive TD's found themselves in the bottom of the DDA last season and came out and smashed their opponent in week one. Does that spell disaster for The Backhatch? These two teams are so close in matchups it is hard to find an edge on either side. Hopkins and Lockett have a distinct advantage over Diggs and Jones Jr. Bell and Fournette have a distinct advantage over Jones and Williams. Prescott has an advantage over Allen. Lindsay has an advantage over Landry. Back and forth, forth and back - both teams have solid studs (Bell and Hopkins respectively) and both teams have weak spots, but which weak spot has a better chance of stepping and filling the needed role? I am putting my money on Aaron Jones.

Prediction: Massive TD's win
Competitor's Prediction: Massive TD's win

Aaron Rodgers blows Llamas (0-0) v Biggus Dickus (0-0)

Let me be the first to welcome you to the league, Llamas will be the second and he will welcome you the correct way. Watson, Conner, Evans, and the only defense that is worth mentioning - Bears D/ST will handle their business and easily take care of the newbie. Don't get me wrong, Mayfield and JuJu will perform this season - they are not the issue. The issue lies within the fact that Carson and Michel are both running backs that are known to have their issues catching, or even holding, the ball. Cooper Kupp is coming off of a major injury and Julian Edelman will no longer have the comfort blanket of Gronk to take on double and triple teams. Llamas has a strong team, and will have a strong year - I would hate to be the team that has to take them on in week one!

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas win
Competitor's Prediction: Biggus Dickus win

Ankle Holster (0-0) v Hernandez Hit Men (0-0)

Let me first start this out by reminding everyone that Mixon, Cook, and Mack need to beat James Conner in order for Ankle Holster to win a bet - what a silly goose. Not is that bet not going to go well for Ankle Holster, but this matchup is not looking promising either. Gurley and Thomas are two studs that could carry a team all on their own - but they won't have to. Murray is going to finish in the top ten for a few weeks, until defense finally figure out the offense - which they will, this is the NFL. Henry will be fed the rock on a consistent basis until Tennessee's offense begins to stutter - like it usually does. Robinson will play for two weeks, before going down with an injury and living his best life on the sideline. With all of that being said, this week will the be the perfect storm of what could happen if every player plays up to their potential.

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men
Competitor's Prediction: Ankle Holster win

Pen15 Wrinkle (0-0) v Hoosier Daddy (0-0)

What do you do when you trade your middle round draft picks in order to have three picks in the top 15? You grab three studs and lock up the best wide receiver tandem in the fantasy league, then you grab a hometown player that could finish as a top ten running back. However, what you may have in top end talent - you will most definitely lack in depth. Not to mention the fact that you are facing off against: Saquon Barkley - last year's top RB, Matt Ryan - last year's 2nd QB, George Kittle - a top tier TE, Amari Cooper - projected to finish within the top 15 at WR (nobody gives a shit about your tier 1 kicker). Wrinkle's lineup is littered with studs and it is nice to know that he actually drafted his team for once. Wrinkle has their eye on the future prize and Daddy will be the first victim.

Prediction: Pen15 Wrinkle
Competitor's Prediction: Pen15 Wrinkle win


As you finish reading this post, raise a glass (or whatever is currently in your hand, actually don't do that John - nobody wants to see what is in your hand) and pour one out for Chadler Prible and Dr. Brad Yates. Our former league mates have moved on and we should honor them.

Nah, just kidding - f*ck 'em!


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