Week 12 Predictions

We are down to 3 weeks left and somehow, someway things have gotten tighter in the middle. There are teams that are obviously in (Gruden/HHM/Hoosier/Country) and a team that should get in (BBB). After that, there are six teams that sit at 5-6.... SIX TEAMS!! There is nearly half of our league sitting at 5-6... which means that pretty much every matchup from here on basically has someone's playoff hopes hanging in the balance. It also means that gigantic cluster f*ck that is the playoff race will not be solved until the final week. Good thing? It certainly makes it more fun.

Dear 8 Teams not at 5-6,

We are all sorry for our inability to sort things out and figure out who deserves to get in the playoffs and who doesn't. We understand this puts a strain in the next 3 weeks - we will do our best to get it figured out as quickly as possible. Our inability is not due to lack of effort; rather, some injuries, bye-weeks, terrible trades, unfortunate drafting, and overall ineptness in the fantasy world. We thank you for your patience.

Sincerely,

One of the 5-6 Teams

Matchup of the Week

Gruden's Emails* (9-2) v Country Roads** (7-4)

Now this is a matchup! We have the two division leaders battling it out. In one corner, wearing the blue trunks is Chlamydia. She stands microscopically tiny and is a dastardly demon to the primary desire of most males and the only tool women can operate correctly. In the other corner, wearing the red trunks is Gonorrhea. She has a slight reach advantage and is looking to take over the belt as the new champion of contraception. This only ends one way (it ain't pleasant for anyone).

In all actuality, I just trust Country Roads lineup far more than I do Emails. Newton showcased he score points, but that was only one game. On top of that Arnold and Jacobs are big areas of concern in a high level matchup.

Prediction: Country Roads

Mystery Guest: Country Roads

The Fortune Cockies (5-6) v Teardrop TDs (5-6)

This might help clear up some of the confusion at 5-6 and this pivotal matchup will really help either team's case. TFC is now officially the coldest team in the league having lost 5 straight matchups (started 5-1). However, Teardrop has to deal with the possibility of no Lamb (concussion), Jackson is coming off of a sickness, and Collins is the RB2. The odds are stacked against TDs - but if there is a team that can find a way to lose it would be TFC. The matchup is slanted towards TFC.

Prediction: The Fortune Cockies

Mystery Guest: Teardrop TDs

Church Vans (5-6) v Bluffton Backup Backups** (6-5)

There are a few teams that I would not to play right now... Bluffton Backup Backups is the team at the top of that list. BBB was a decent game from their top 5 QB away from being the first ever 3-peat belt winner. Instead, they had to settle for a loss as they faced the team that won the belt. This week there are plenty of good matchups for BBB - they will look take the belt back. If Vans wants to win this week, it is going to take a huuuuge performance. As it stands, Davey Johnson and J. Williams just aren't going to get the job done. Look for BBB to win this week and really depress the Vans' chances of the playoffs.

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups

Dixie Normous (4-7) v Hoosier Daddy* (8-3)

Dixie's playoff chances are slim to none and after this week they will slammed shut. Hoosier has a lot of comfy matchups that favor their players: Allen/Diggs against New Orleans, Ekeler against Denver, and Gibson against Seattle. On the flip side, Taylor has to face the Tampa Bay defense that is known to greatly ruin a running back's day. Dixie is pretty much a one-horse show and ain't nobody betting on that pony this week.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy

The J-Bones (5-6) v PEN15 Wrinkle (5-6)

This has the top of the 5-6 cluster against the bottom of the 5-6 cluster. Wouldn't it be just fascinating if PEN15 was able to pull this out? Unfortunately, things are not looking good for Wrinkle. Their starting lineup is littered with opposing defenses that are known for shutting down players. Philly has a top-5 run defense, Pittsburgh is going to welcome back Fitzpatrick and Watt, and Indianapolis just shut down Josh Allen and the boys. This is going to be a much needed win for The J-Bones and they will be looking to really force some other team's hands when it comes to trying to get a win.

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas*** (5-6) v Ankle Holster* (2-9)

If there ever was a week for Holster to get a win (not that it matters now), it would be this week. ARBL have Mahomes and Hill on the bye and they were really hoping to have more than 5 wins by the time this week rolled around. This matchup is going to be a slugfest and I think the winner is going to have less 100 points. Soooooo, if you have Rodgers and Adams in a matchup that could stay less than 100 points - I am taking your side.

Prediction: Ankle Holster

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Belt Fairy* (3-8) v Hernandez Hit Men* (8-3)

Is there any chance that something crazy happens and we see a major upset? Not likely. But someone wise once told me, "Legends are made, not born." Belt Fairy is about to make his own legend. THE UPSET IS GOING TO HAPPEN!! Why? No f*cking clue. Maybe, Taylor goes off against the Jets? Maybe, Harris has a big game. Maybe, Metcalf actually plays up to the level he should have been. Somehow, someway - this is going to happen!

Prediction: Belt Fairy

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men

As always, good luck to everyone - except for you Teardrop TDs, may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

Bless

Commish