Playoff Week 1 Wrap-up

Can you imagine if fantasy football was like a horse race?  One thing is for sure, the names are crazy enough...

"...And they are off and running, they make the turn at the first quarter mile with Sagging TD's leading the way - The J-Bones closing in, about a length behind. At the half mile, TPIAD is making a surge and here comes BringBack Harbs from the inside lane. Mizuno Blue and Hoosier Daddy are trailing, but only by half a length - this is going to be a tight race! My oh my, this is looking interesting - Juan Fatt Bidge is limping, something is wrong. Somebody is going to have to shoot that Fatt Bidge - shoot her right in the face!"

It would have to be the Belmont stakes - the longest race of the triple crown. Fantasy Football is clearly not a sprint, but much more of a long haul and then turn on the jets at the end. Nothing is better than just barely making it to the playoffs and then dominating in the first round.

Which brings me to what you came here for....

Hoosier Daddy 102.9
Mizuno Blue 88.2

Just barely making it into the playoffs - but very clearly one of the teams to beat, Hoosier Daddy advances into the second round. Interestingly enough, Kamara (Steal of the Draft) was knocked out of the game early on and was never able to return. Have no fear, Hopkins is here! Seriously though, Hoosier Daddy has so many different players that can score points - this has to be the team to beat in the playoffs.

On the flip side, the magic has died. Once the trade deadline passed what was Mizuno supposed to do? It was as if, he was lost - looking for a way to change his lineup but just couldn't piece together the winning combination without the ability to take other team's scraps and turn them into gold. It was a good run, and we are all proud of you buddy! You may have single handedly change the way fantasy football is played - probably not - but hey, at least we know someone who is willing to make trades for next year!

Result: Hoosier Daddy wins

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy wins

Waco Kids 135.3

Sagging TDs 98

Can I just say, it feels good to have our head football coach in the playoffs! It feels right! Not only that, he decided he would go ahead and dominate in the first round and hang around another week. 

Gurley did what he does best, score fantasy points. Landry had himself a game - thanks Jay Cut-eh-ler! It is just too bad, Kelce fell at the one yard line - otherwise, he would be in the 20s as well. Not that it mattered though....

Antonio Brown is not a human being. He is so good, it is ridiculous. However, he was the only player to actually show up this week for Sagging TDs. Sagging TDs was always a "boom or bust" team, this week happen to be a bust week and he have to just watch his team score 140 in the consolation bracket. I will say, bold move on Stephen Anderson  - I mean, everybody had their eye on this guy!

Result: Waco Kids wins

Prediction: Waco Kids win

On a side note, the top score this week came from two teams not in the playoffs. JFB (no surprise there) scored 141.6 and Dak's Lavatory scored 159.2. I am just hoping that JFB can be the top score by the end of the season - in fact we all know it is going to happen!

Mwah

Playoffs? I just hope we can win a game

That my friends is the only thing should come to any football fan when they hear the word "playoffs." Jim Mora has placed himself in history and etched his image into every fan's mind. In my opinion, the man is a genius! Here's to you, Jim Mora!

There is only two meaningful games happening this week....

Hoosier Daddy v Mizuno Blue

Waco Kids v Sagging TD's

With that being said, all the teams do have a matchup this week. Juan Fatt Bidge is personally taking any side bets for this week. I mean, they are the best team - have been ever since day 1!

Let's take a look at the meaningful games....

Hoosier Daddy v Mizuno Blue

This is a good matchup... "The Swindler" v "Mr. Unsocial" 

Every player that is starting for Mizuno Blue has played a game for a different team (except the current defense). Which goes to show that some how Mizuno has found the winning combination with players that somebody else did not want. Where there some unbelievably unfair trades? Of course. However, as stated in the bylaws, we are grown men trying to win and if they agree to the trade then both sides think they are getting the better deal. I am proud of Mizuno Blue for taking everyone's scrap players and beating us with them. Three cheers for "The Swindler!"

On the flip side, Hoosier Daddy has either drafted or picked up his players from free agency. Does this man know that there are other people in the fantasy league? Does he know that he is allowed to talk to and converse with other managers? You know what - I will stop there - he does come to the draft, he is at least better than some other unmentionable managers!

In terms of the match-up, we have one team who was trying get a bye week and one team who was just hoping to make it into the playoffs. Luckily, none of that actually matters now. Hoosier Daddy has the hottest player in fantasy football, Kamara and 2nd best receiver (Hopkins). If Hunt can return back to his early season form - Hoosier Daddy will be the man to beat in the playoffs. It doesn't matter if he just barely made it; or if he cruised to the playoffs - Hoosier Daddy is in the playoffs and now a force to be reckoned with!

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy wins

Waco Kids v Sagging TD's

Waco Kids almost had the dream scenario take place in the last week of the season to win the 2nd seed and a bye week - but TPIAD got the win and the bye. For his troubles - he now has to face a team that holds 3 of the top 7 scores in the league this season, Sagging TD's. Sagging TD's has the ability to put points and a lot of them, but they also have the ability to completely disappoint. In the 13 week regular season Sagging has failed to break 100 points 6 times, not including 2 that he broke 100 points by less than 3 points. 

This matchup is all about Antonio Brown. Brown has the ability to win an entire week by himself. He has multiple games with 29 or more points (4 games). He is playing a division rival and will not want to get "punched" on national television. This could get interesting!!

However, when looking at the supporting cast of Brown, there are some definite question marks. Outside of McCaffrey, who has started to play great, there are a lot of questions marks. With Waco Kids, the question marks come hand in hand with his receivers. As I have stated many times, will they be able to carry Waco throughout the playoffs? Maybe through this week.....

Prediction: Waco Kids wins

It was a glorious regular season, and I can not wait to see who gets to hold up the crown!

Mwah

P.S. If you are interested in a side bet with Juan Fatt Bidge, let's talk!

Regular Season Results

What a week, what a finish! It has been a fantastic regular season for fantasy football. Plenty of ups and downs, breakout seasons and injuries. Let's take a little trip down memory lane and dish out some end of the year awards....

Best team to not make the playoffs: Juan Fatt Bidge
Was there even a question as to who the best team not to make the playoffs was? JFB has the most weeks over 120, has the 2nd most points in the season, has the 2nd best running back (as well as the 7th), and a top 5 quarterback. No other team outside of the playoffs (or even in the playoffs) can make those statements. I don't know if it is karma or what, but 6 times the opponent playing JFB scored either their highest or second highest point total for their entire season.

You fill in the blank, bull _____

Steal of the Draft: Alvin Kamara (164th)
Only one other player really made a run at this - and it might not be who you thought it was. Carson Wentz was drafted 183rd overall. Yes, this is a lower draft selection - but based upon necessity and points disparity - this has to go to Kamara. Kamara is currently the 3rd ranked running back and he could possibly finish higher when the playoffs are done. So, who drafted this hidden gem?

As if it was ever a question: Hoosier Daddy


Most active manager: Mizuno Blue
This is not even close. Mizuno Blue made 12 trades throughout the season - almost an average of a trade a week. The next closest manager made 4 trades - there is a reason that Mizuno adopted the nickname "The Swindler." Mizuno also had over 116 different players that spent some time on the roster. The next closest? 62 different players - nearly double.

Waiver-wire pickup of the year: Josh McCown
Josh McCown finished the 7th best quarterback in the fantasy league. Honestly, I can't even believe it - the JETS quarterback! Just imagine how many more points he might have had is that "one tight end" would not have had so many touchdowns called back. Many would argue that Case Keenum could have been the pickup of the year - however, McCown outscored Keenum by nearly 30 points.

Proud owner who made the pickup? Originally Mizuno Blue, who dropped him and then Certified "G" picked him up

Prediction of the year: Week 11's Matchup between Sergio Dippsh*ts and TPIAD
Who would have thought that Sergio would actually pull off the upset? Obviously, itscha booooiii!!
I may have talked myself into - but nonetheless it happened. At the time, Sergio was 3-7 and TPIAD was 7-3 - the biggest difference that week. I picked Sergio to win and pull off the upset, which he did.

Man, it feels good to reminisce on all the things I predicted correctly!

Play of the year: If you don't know, you are a fool!!

Nuff said...

Fantasy Football MVP: Russell Wilson
Honestly, this was a tough call. Kamara definitely made a case for his name being thrown out there - but there are just too many factors that lean Wilson's way....

Wilson is the #1 ranked player in fantasy football and Kamara is not even the #1 running back.
Wilson plays for the #1 ranked team, Kamara plays for #5 ranked team.
Wilson has 8 games with 20 or more points, Kamara has 6 games with 20 or more points.

Now, don't get me wrong - this is a close race. Kamara is arguably the hottest fantasy player right now and he could make a strong run through the playoffs. However, we are judging the entirety of the season for the MVP - Wilson was just too good!

Owner of the MVP - BringBack Harbs!

Now to what you care about.....

Juan Fatt Bidge (4-9) 128.4
Sagging TD's (8-5) 95.8

Hey, at least for Sagging TD's your season continues! You lose, but you are still in. Unfortunately for Juan Fatt Bidge this is where he hops off the bus. Who cares that he has scored the 2nd most points in the league. Who cares that the past four weeks he has scored over 124 points! Who cares that JFB is the only team to have scored over 120 points in 7 weeks - the next closest? Two teams achieved that feat 5 times. All I know, if you are in the playoffs congratulations, good luck - and be happy you will not have to face JFB!!

Result: Juan Fatt Bidge wins

Prediction: Juan Fatt Bidge wins....RIGHT!!

Team Price is a Dick (8-5) 125.4
Mizuno Blue (8-5) 112.3

Both of these made the playoffs - one earned himself a bye! Congrats to TPIAD, you can take a week off and enjoy a "r and r" time! Maybe think about who you are going to replace Peterson with? Maybe ponder which of your 17 thousand wide receivers you are going to pick to use throughout the playoffs? 

On the flip side, Mizuno will now have to play this upcoming week! Mizuno will now have to face Hoosier Daddy in the first round of the playoffs - my suggestion? Get ASJ out of there!! Since the bye week ASJ has been almost non-existent, which also happens to be the time that the Jets have really turned it on offensively. But hey, what do I know? I only the one that will dominating the consolation bracket! 

Result: Team Price is a Dick wins

Prediction: Team Price is a Dick wins.... RIGHT!!!

Dakster's Lavatory (6-6-1) 91.7
BringBack Harbs (8-4-1) 91.7

This is amazing! Even with fractional points these two have found a way to tie - I really did not think about this when doing my predictions!

I really do feel bad for Dakster - he needed to win to have a chance at getting in the playoffs. How do you only score 8.1 points from your starting quarterback and 1st round pick combined?!? This was your matchup to win!!

On the flip side, what happened to Jones and Cooks and Ertz? This is the thing about fantasy football, one week you score 180 points and the next you barely break 90 points. Me, personally, I would prefer the nice average of 135 each week. This tie took the destiny for the number top seed out of the hands of BBH and placed it in the other two 8-4 teams. It is almost as if the fantasy gods have said, "This guy doesn't go to the draft party - let's really screw with his brain!!"

Result: Tie

Prediction: BringBack Harbs wins.... WRONG!!

Aaron Rodgers is GAY (4-9) 83.6
Sergio Dippsh*ts (5-8) 119.8

I believe I stated this earlier: This matchup didn't mean shit!!

Result: Sergio Dippsh*ts wins

Prediction: Sergio Dippsh*ts wins..... RIGHT!!

Waco Kids (7-6) 121.9
Certified "G" (5-8) 107.6

This is a huuuuuuge win for Waco Kids. Waco did his part with the win and got the help that was needed (a loss by The J-Bones). Waco now finds themselves in a matchup with Sagging TD's in the first round of the playoffs - should be fun! 

What is even more amazing is that Waco scored 121.9 points with -8 from their defense. Who would have thought the Chiefs score -8 points against the J-E-T-S, Jets Jets Jets!!

Overall, not a bad performance for Certified "G."  Even if they had won they were out, but breaking 100 points is a big deal for this team. They are just trying to avoid generational poverty and they only way to do that is to try and build for the future! To bad, this is fantasy football and you can't really do that (this is not a keeper league) - but hey at least you gotta take pride in something!

Result: Waco Kids wins

Prediction: Certified "G" wins.... WRONG!!!

Prible is my B*tch (6-7) 128.1
John Robles (7-6) 93.3

Hey lookey here - we have our first team OUT of the playoffs. If John Robles would have won he would have been in the playoffs and would have knocked out Waco Kids. Unfortunately, he gets knocked out by none other than the one team he picked to make fun of - irony at its best!

PIMB scored the second highest points and continues to prove me wrong with the outstanding play of Keenan Allen. I really can not imagine how good this team could have been if Elliott was not screwed over by the antichrist (too far?). Unfortunately, due to the outcome of this matchup - both these teams will be participating in a consolation game!

Results: PIMB wins

Prediction: John Robles wins.... WRONG!!

Matchup of the Week
The J-Bones (7-6) 86.9
Hoosier Daddy (7-6) 100.4

This was a crushing blow to The J-Bones. He had destiny in his hands and decided to throw up a bottom 3 score this week - not getting the job done!

On the flip side, Hoosier Daddy will find themselves in the playoffs and feeling good about not getting screwed over. If Hoosier Daddy would have lost this week - they would have been eliminated from the playoffs, but still be the team that scored the most points all season. Nonetheless, Kamara ruined all the fun and once again had another big performance. Kamara is making a case for himself as the MVP of Fantasy Football - the dude has scored over 24 points the past 5 weeks. Hoosier Daddy will be looking to ride him all playoff long, figuratively and literally!

Result: Hoosier Daddy wins

Prediction: J-Bones wins.... WRONG!!!

This Week: 3-4

Season: 48-43

Competitor Week: 3-4

Competitor Season: 43-48

My oh my, it feels good to win at something! I may get screwed over in the actual fantasy football - but we all know who is the best pick 'em player! 

Mwah

Week 13 Predictions

It is that time of the year....

The week that will determine it all....

The final week of the regular season playoffs...

Who doesn't love a nice jumbled mess in the standings of any league? Personally, I love thinking of all the crazy scenarios of how a team might be able to make the playoffs. This fantasy league is no different.

It is going to take 7 wins to make it to the playoffs - and 9 teams have a chance to make it there.

The teams that are locked in the playoffs.....

BringBack Harbs
Sagging TD's
Mizuno Blues

These three teams are fighting for the top spot in the league - they are guaranteed to make the playoffs. However, nothing is safe for the following teams....

Waco Kids
Dakster's Lavatory
Prible is my B*tch
John Robles
Hoosier Daddy

I love it! There are five teams fighting for three spots! Let's just skip all this fake bulls*t that half you guys don't read at the beginning of the blog and get to what you really came here for....

Juan Fatt Bidge v Sagging TD's

This matchup is way more about pride than it is anything else. Yes, Sagging TD's could win their entry fee back if they win - but BringBack Harbs would have to lose or Sagging TD's would have to outscore BringBack Harbs by 60 points. Neither is extremely likely.

This matchup is really all about one team who was ranked at the extreme low-end of the DDA (see earliest blog posts) and now sitting on top of the standings and the other team who manager happens to be a very confident, some would say arrogant, person and predicted his team to be the best in the league.

Juan Fatt Bidge is here to prove to all the haters that his team belongs in the playoffs and he will do that by demolishing Sagging TD's. In fact, I will personally take any side bets that Juan Fatt Bidge wins this matchup - all bets must be finalized before the opening kickoff on Thursday Nights Game, let's do this chumps!!

Prediction: Juan Fatt Bidge wins

Team Price is a Dick v Mizuno Blue

Here is what is at stake:

Mizuno Blue wins and Sagging TD's and BringBack Harbs loses - "The Swindler" earns the top seed
Mizuno Blue wins and both Sagging and BringBack win - Mizuno must outscore Sagging by 50 points and BringBack by 100

Either way, Mizuno Blue is in the playoffs

Team Price is a Dick wins and Mizuno Blue, Sagging TD's, BringBack Harbs all lose - Team Price is a Dick must outscore BringBack Harbs by 40 and not be outscored by the other two teams and they win first place

Team Price is a Dick loses and The J-Bones wins - The J-Bones wins the 2nd seed by placing first in their division

TPIAD loses and The J-Bones and Waco Kids win - TPIAD must then outscore John Robles (should John Robles lose as well) in order to stay in the playoffs

TPIAD loses and The J-Bones, Waco Kids, Hoosier Daddy win - TPIAD is out of the playoffs

Sadly, there are still plenty of other scenarios - but damnit, I am only a human and my brain hurts!!

Prediction: TPIAD wins

Dakster's Lavatory v BringBack Harbs

Thanks to last week's outburst of points BringBack Harbs in the drivers seat for the top spot in the league.

BBH wins and doesn't get outscored by 40 points by TPIAD and they are the top spot.

BBH loses - still in the playoffs

However, Dakster finds himself in a very peculiar spot...

Dakster must win to make the playoffs, lose and he is out. If he does win....

The J-Bones, TPIAD, and John Robles must all lose and Dakster needs to outscore each of them by 120 points or so (not each, but the top team). Also, Dakster will need to outscore Hoosier Daddy by more than 200 points. All of this is extremely unlikely - but there is one other way....

If Dakster wins and TPIAD and The J-Bones lose, he just needs to outscore Waco Kids and the other two teams by 120 points and he will earn the 2nd seed by winning his division.

Highly unlikely - but there is a chance!!!

Prediction: BringBack Harbs wins and ruins all the fun!

Aaron Rodgers is GAY v Sergio Dippsh*t

Hey look, this matchup doesn't shit!

Prediction: Sergio Dippsh*t wins

Waco Kids v Certified "G"

Certified "G" is fighting for pride - especially after almost scoring 150 points last week. Not bad for team that had trouble scoring in the 90's earlier in the season. If Certified "G" does pull-off the upset it will end the season for Waco Kids.

On the flip side, Waco Kids needs to win to make the playoffs - if they do and....

The J-Bones and TPIAD lose - if Waco Kids doesn't get outscored by 40 points by either team, they will get the 2nd seed.

Hoosier Daddy loses, along with one of the previously mentioned teams as well as John Robles lose - Waco Kids must outscore Hoosier Daddy by 70 points, or get outscored by the other three teams and they are in.

My head hurts - let's just end this madness right here....

Prediction: Certified "G" wins and Waco Kids ends the season with 4 straight loses and falls out of the playoff - just as I had predicted!

Prible is my B*tch v John Robles

PIMB is out of it - sorry, the loss of Elliott proved to be too much in the end! However, it is ironic that the final matchup for PIMB happens to be against a team that has committed "libel" against him the entire season. PIMB - this is your chance for revenge!

John Robles win and you are in, even more so - win and have Mizuno, Sagging, and BBH lose and you are contending for the top spot. You will need to outscore BBH by 70 points - but hey there is still a chance!

John Robles can still lose and make the playoffs. If he loses....

Waco, Dakster, Hoosier all lose - he is in

Waco wins - Robles must outscore Waco by 70 points 

Dakster wins - Robles must not be outscored by 100 points

Hoosier wins - Robles must outscore Hoosier by 140 points

Here is hoping Dakster loses!!

Prediction: John Robles wins - but does not get the top seed!

Matchup of the Week
The J-Bones v Hoosier Daddy

Seriously, this one has so many possible outcomes - I am positive that I will miss one. Here we go...

The J-Bones win - they make the playoffs

JB wins and Mizuno, BBH, Sagging all lose - JB must outscore BBH by 110 points and he wins the top spot

JB wins and TPIAD loses - JB wins the 2nd seed

JB wins and TPIAD wins - JB must outscore TPIAD by 65 points to get the 2nd seed

JB loses and Waco wins - JB must outscore Waco by 110 points (or John Robles loses and JB outscores him by 45 points) or he is out

There are a few more scenarios with JB losing and other teams winning and outscoring each other and the nonsense. Let's just move on to the flip side...

Hoosier loses - they are out of the playoffs (which would be extremely crazy)

Hoosier wins - they have a chance to make it....

I am just going to say this if Hoosier wins, they have enough points to essentially beat any other team in tie breaker. The following teams would need to lose...

The J-Bones, TPIAD, John Robles - however, The J-Bones and TPIAD is in a different division and therefore one of them could still make it.

Prediction: The J-Bones win, not super confident - but it would be crazy, so why not!

I hope your head hurts as much as mine does!

Mwah 

Week 12 Results

Wow, what an explosion of points we had this week. I am not sure we have ever seen this many points scored throughout the entire league - ever. This week's top 5 scores add up to 195.3; the next highest week - 178.3, and that week didn't have anybody score more than 40 points. Not only that, the average for the other 11 week's top 5 point getters is 163.3 - that is 30 point less than this week!!

BringBack Harbs also happen to score the highest point total for any team in any week - in the entirety of our league, and he did it in a 14 team league. Unreal. Couldn't be happier for a guy who never comes to our draft party!

This is the reason why someone drafts Julio Jones - for explosions like this - the man could literally win a week all by himself. Which he would have if he was playing against Aaron Rodgers is GAY. I really do feel bad for ARIG - not even managing to break 50! It would help if he didn't draft thugs that start fights on the sideline!

Now to the results...

Juan Fatt Bidge (3-9) 133.2
Hoosier Daddy (6-6) 105.7

Juan Fatt Bidge finally had the week it envisioned when it made the trade for Bell. It is too bad it came at the expense of Hoosier Daddy and his playoff run. 

From my predictions post I claimed a few things would happen in this matchup....

A) Highest scoring team - Clearly this was not correct. Not only that, this matchup only produced the 4th highest scoring team. Too many points were scored this week!!

B) Highest scoring running back - This matchup had the highest scoring running back and the 3rd highest scoring running back

C) Highest scoring defense - This is much more of a crapshoot than anything else, but no that did not happen this week. Although, it did produce the 5th highest scoring defense this week (that started)

D) Break 150 - I don't know why I always say this, it rarely happens. But no, this did not happen.

So, clearly 1 for 4 is really bad - like really bad! However, there is one prediction that can heal all wounds....

Result: Juan Fatt Bidge wins

Prediction: Juan Fatt Bidge wins.... RIGHT!!

Prible is my B*tch (5-7) 104.6
Mizuno Blue (8-4) 106.6

What a great matchup! I will say this, Keenan Allen is really picking up the slack for this team - can you imagine how good PIMB would be if Elliott didn't get screwed over by Goodell? PIMB scored 9.6 from both his running backs combined - Elliott averaged almost double that in a given week. 

Does everybody remember a couple weeks back when Certified "G" traded Joe Mixon for Frank Gore straight up? Now, yes Gore scored 15 points - but I think everyone knew the upside and potential of Mixon far outweighed Gore. Not to mention, this was a straight up trade that I have heard from sources was actually a counter offer. Which means, someone thought this trade was more fair than a previous trade - wwwhhhhaaaa? Nonetheless, The Swindler is back at it and Mixon lead the way!

Oh and by the way, after all the complaining Mizuno has done about Defense scores - he should thank the Steelers def. for somehow scoring 3 points after giving up 28 points!

Result: Mizuno Blue wins

Prediction: Mizuno Blue wins...RIGHT!!

The J-Bones (7-5) 125.2
Sergio Dippsh*ts (4-8) 109.5

Phillip Rivers and J. Williams came to play!! Boy, did they carry The J-Bones to victory - a much needed victory. The J-Bones is going to be looking for improvements, if they make the playoffs, at the running back position. They can not rely on Darkwa - my favorite drink to order - and Abdullah - make sure you face Mecca when you say his name - to get the job done. Thielen and Evans are good solid receivers.  They could continue this run for The J-Bones, a man who hated his team!

Sergio's streak comes to an end. Whatever outside chance, if any, they had at the playoffs are dashed with this loss. Sergio scored 109.5, which is good most weeks - this week this would be the 7th best score. Ouch

Result: The J-Bones win

Prediction: Sergio Dippsh*ts win....WRONG!!!

Dakster's Lavatory (6-6) 81.9
Certified "G" (5-7) 149.5

For Dakster, things really turned for the worse once Elliott got suspended. Dan Prescott has played horrible and everyone else on Dak Lav has followed suit. Chris Thompson went down with an injury and there was no real replacement for him. Somehow, Davis has managed to scored zero points - while not being injured.

Certified "G' is playing for pride - and he can hold his head up high. Even though he was more than 30 points away from the top score, he still scored the 2nd highest total this week. Certified had three starting positions score more than 25 points this week - that would have beaten at least one team by itself. Nobody would have predicted this kind of performance, but hey even poverish kids can be athletic!

Result: Certified "G" wins

Prediction: Dakster's Lavatory wins...WRONG!!

Aaron Rodgers is GAY (4-8) 54.7
John Robles (7-5) 78.6

Woah, stand back everyone - we got a real shootout here!! Let's just say it is a good thing John Robles was playing ARIG this week, as they both scored the two lowest point totals. What is there nice to say? 

Crabtree threw some solid punches; he had good form. I just don't get why you punch someone who has a helmet on. I think I would go straight for the ribs or maybe the balls. I mean I am not going to get into a fight and break my hand because I punched someone in the helmet. Nobody said these guys where the brightest crayons in the box!

Interesting little fact, if you combine both these scores - 133.3 - they just barely edge out Juan Fatt Bidge for the 4th highest team total. Yes, that is correct - three other teams beat both these teams together!

Result: John Robles wins

Prediction: John Robles wins...RIGHT!!

Waco Kids (6-6) 112.4
Sagging TD's (8-4) 140.2

This is a killer blow to Waco Kids and their playoff chances. There is a slew of teams that are sitting at 6-6 and fighting for a playoff spot. On the flip side, Sagging TD's find themselves securely in the playoffs and fighting for the top seed.

I don't want to say I called it, but I did call it. With all eyes on Antonio Brown - he had another big week. Brown has topped 40 points the past two weeks - and both have been when he is playing in the night time game and there is no other games going on. The dude loves the spotlight! 

I also would like to point out - that while scoring 112.4 is normally and good to great score - this week you would have to score more than 120 to crack the top 5!

Result: Sagging TD's wins

Prediction: Sagging TD's wins....RIGHT!!!

Matchup of the Week
Team Price is D*ck (7-5) 94
BringBack Harbs (8-5) 186.9

Well, it is amazing that TPIAD almost got doubled and score 94 points. Jones and Coleman both had decent weeks - not like I called it or anything. Delanie Walker lead the way for TPIAD, not like I called it or anything.

What I didn't call? Jones scoring 50 points and 6 positions on BringBack Harbs scoring more than 20 points. That means that if you ranked the top scoring positions in this matchup TPIAD's first guy would be ranked 7th - and only by .3 points. This was an extremely lopsided affair and it could not have come at a more perfect time for BringBack Harbs.

BringBack Harbs is now in the running for the top spot in the league with one week left. They will face-off against Dakster's Lavoratory, either way they are in the playoffs - but can they continue the hot streak and win the number #1 seed?

Result: BringBack Harbs wins

Prediction: Team Price is a Dick wins... WRONG!!!

This Week: 4-3

This Season: 45-39

Competitor Week: 3-4

Competitor Season: 39-45

I can almost taste that "Race Track Pack"

Mwah

Week 12 Predictions

With just two weeks left in the regular season there are a few matches that will greatly determine the playoff race. It is bittersweet not being in the race - sweet, because I no longer have to worry about who to pick up and all the different match-ups my team has; bitter, because I clearly have the best team. I mean if there was one characteristic that describes every "best team" it has to be a 2-9 record.

Although, I went through every week and looked back at the scoreboard. I decided to find out if I really did belong in the playoffs...

Each week the top 6 team scores earn a win. It doesn't matter who you play, if you won, if you lost - top 6 scores get a win, everyone else loses. The results?

Hoosier Daddy - 9 wins
Juan Fatt Bidge - 6  wins
BringBack Harbs - 6 wins
Everyone else had 5 wins or less (the janitor must have thrown my paper away and thus I have no clue who had what after these three)

Nonetheless, it is very apparent that Juan Fatt Bidge deserves to be in the playoffs!! It is ashamed that fantasy football is not played that way - a damn shame. It is too bad that is played just like actual football - who'da thunk it?!? Just remember all you playoff bound teams - the next time you see Juan Fatt Bidge, give her a little lovin' too (they usually make up their looks with other abilities, just saying).

Now to why you are here....

Juan Fatt Bidge (2-9) v Hoosier Daddy (6-5)

Hey look, it is the one team that actually can stake a claim to being the best team in the league - other than the team with the best record! Hoosier Daddy has scored nearly 100 points more than the 2nd highest scoring team - yet somehow find themselves at 6-5 and just barely in the playoffs. Juan Fatt Bidge has scored the 3rd highest points - and find themselves at 2-9. Either way, there could be some serious points coming out of this matchup...

I am just going to say this:

A) The highest scoring team in the league is going to come from this matchup

B) The highest scoring running back in the league is going to come from this matchup

C) The highest scoring defense in the league is going to come from this matchup

D) One team is going to break 150 points in this matchup

All of these bold (but soon to be true) predictions lead me to believe....

Prediction: Juan Fatt Bidge wins.....and makes Hoosier Daddy's road to the playoffs that much tougher!!

Prible is my B*tch (5-6) v Mizuno Blue (7-4)

Mizuno Blue finds themselves in a very peculiar place in the standings. At 7-4, and tied for the top spot in the league, they still could very possibly see themselves just outside the playoffs when the dust has settled. Mizuno Blue is the lowest seeded team at 7-4 and there are 3 teams at 6-5 that have scored more points than Mizuno Blue. However, destiny is their hands and if you had to bet for any team to make it, why not pick the team owned by "The Swindler."

On the flip side, PIMB is struggling to stay above water. They are just outside the playoff cutline and without their workhorse (Elliott) they will find it very difficult to find any type of floating device. Keenan Allen had a huge week last week - one that I don't see happening again - and without that it would have been a blowout. Losing a player like Elliott is just too much - ask the Dallas Cowboys!

Prediction: Mizuno Blue wins....one step closer to the promise land!

The J-Bones (6-5) v Sergio Dippsh*ts (4-7)

This is a matchup that is far more important for one team than the other - The J-Bones really need this win. They find themselves just outside the playoffs - and destiny is not in their hands. They need a few teams to lose, luckily next week they play one of those teams - Hoosier Daddy. There is still possibility for The J-Bones to make the playoffs, but they have to win the next two weeks.

Sergio would love to play the spoiler this week. With both running backs going Thursday, we will get a good chance to see what his team is capable of. Not to mention, J-Bones have 5 positions playing on Thursday - who doesn't love a good Thanksgiving football game. Which does make me wonder, why does everyone complain about every other Thursday Night game - when some teams play mid-day on Thanksgiving? Food for thought.

I think we will by the end of Thursday who has a good grip on this matchup....

Prediction: Sergio Dippsh*ts wins... crushing blow for The J-Bones

Dakster's Lavatory (6-5) v Certified "G" (4-7)

What a matchup we have here - both teams are on the outside looking in. In order to figure out the chances of Dak making it in, it would involve a lot of  math and calculations and frankly I am not an actuary. But the chances of Dak making it are very slim, however there is still a chance!

Luckily, Dak finds themselves in a pretty good matchup this week. Certified "G" has failed to break 100 six times this season. Not only that, they have posted the lowest score this season and failed to break 90 five times. The question is: which Certified "G" will show up this week?

On the flip side, Dakster has failed to break 100 six times and has posted the 2nd lowest score this season. The big difference: Dakster is scoring in the 90's and Certified is scoring in the 80's. With that being said....

Prediction: Dakster's Lavatory wins... keeping the chances alive

Aaron Rodgers is GAY (4-7) v John Robles (6-5)

ARIG was just eliminated from the running last week - their chances of making were not very high before that week, but now they are mathematically eliminated. John Robles, on the other hand, finds themselves as the first person out.

Last week I stated that I believed that 2 teams that were not in the playoffs would make it in. Hoosier Daddy was the first team - John Robles is the 2nd team. J Robes needs to win this week and next week and I believe they should have enough points scored to win any type of tiebreaker (unless it is with Hoosier Daddy). The interesting thing about this matchup - each team only has one player partaking in the great tradition that is Thanksgiving Football. At least that gives these owners a reason to continue to watch football on Sunday!

Prediction: John Robles wins.... gotta keep those playoff hopes alive!

Waco Kids (6-5) v Sagging TD's (7-4)

Don't let the lineups fool you - this is a big, big matchup! One team is playing to stay alive in the playoff race and the other is fighting for the top spot in the league.

Sagging TD's will actually have 5 positions play on Thursday (Ebron is on the bench). This is going to make this matchup look lopsided from the beginning - and maybe it will stay that way? If Gurley does not have a big game - it could spell trouble for Waco Kids. Sagging TD's has a wide receiver going on Sunday night - as I predicted last week - that loves to play in the spotlight. Who else is playing Sunday night? All eyes will be on you Antonio Brown - don't disappoint.

Prediction: Sagging TD's wins.... crushing blow to Waco Kids

Matchup of the Week
Team Price is a Dick (7-4) v BringBack Harbs (7-4)

This is a marquee matchup and one that will have a tremendous impact on who wins the regular season! Both these teams are tied for the top spot - and not only does this really help their chances of winning the regular season, the winner also clinches a playoff spot!

Wilson has been playing out of his mind and is now facing an awful defense this week, 49ers. If Freeman is still out - Coleman is the head guy in the ATL. It is a good thing that the Falcons are playing the Buccs and there could plenty of offense to go around - look for Jones and Coleman to both have good weeks.

On the flip side, Baldwin needs to be the main recipient of Wilson's onslaught. That could very easily counter balance - the big time performance from the quarterback. If there ever was a week to have Delanie Walker - this is the week. Walker is currently ranked the 6th overall tight-end, look for him to have a multiple touchdown game this week and vault himself into the top 5.

Prediction: Price is a Dick wins.... it is a close call - but hey, I gotta go with my former players!!

Mwah

Week 11 Results

Many people call this time of year, the most wonderful time of the year. They are of course referring to the holiday season. With Thanksgiving only a few days away and Christmas roughly one month away, and don't forget about New Years only a week after Christmas.

Side note - New Years is consistently overlooked and under appreciated.

Everybody loves the holiday season, especially sports fans. It is that time of year when it is too cold out to get any actual yard work done - so that can no longer be held over your head. You have no other option to stay inside and work or just stay inside. It is not like men are just going to start doing the dishes and cleaning the house - that is woman's work!!

But seriously, the one thing I like about this time of year is the fact that I can volunteer to do the laundry. Laundry is the easiest household chore - trust me. To all men out there in the world - do the laundry for your wives/girlfriend/bang buddy/sidechick. They will greatly appreciate - and when they appreciate it, they will appreciate you, if you know what I mean!!

Sex. Sex is what I meant.

Seriously, laundry is super easy. You throw a pile of clothes in the washer and wait. Then in about an hour you take them out and throw them in the dryer. Then in about an hour you take out those clothes and fold them while watching your favorite show on tv. Seriously, a cake walk! You earn brownie points and get to lounge around and watch whatever you want on tv. You get to have your cake and she can eat it too!

Cake is your penis.

Enough about how to earn brownie points the easy way, let's get to why you really came here....

Juan Fatt Bidge (2-9) 128.4
BringBack Harbs (7-4) 128.5

It has become comical. Once again, I find myself in a position to win and yet somehow I snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. I was ahead by 35 going into the Monday Night Game - and I still had my kicker to go. Yet somehow, some way - Harbs finds a way to win. That way was by virtue of Wilson and his feet. Wilson had 80+ rushing yards and touchdown - that alone earned him 14 points, plus anything he did through the air.

In looking at JFB and the starting lineup - I honestly can not think of anyone that I would want to replace. It is just the luck of the fantasy draw, JFB would have beaten every team in the league this week except for 2 - one of them being BringBack Harbs. Congrats douchebag!

Result: BringBack Harbs wins

Prediction: Juan Fatt Bidge wins.... WRONG!!

Mizuno Blue (7-4) 125.7
Waco Kids (6-5) 107.1

As I said earlier, this game will determine who makes the playoffs and who doesn't. Sorry Waco - it might be a sad playoff season when you find yourself as the 7th seed and just outside the playoffs. Now yes, nothing is set in stone - but this was a big matchup and not winning it really hurt the chances. 

On the flip side, Mizuno Blue has to love the Ingram and Brees combination. Sometimes I like to look at lineups and think what a good player to have, I wonder how they got him - draft, waiver wire, or trade? However, there is not a starting position on that Mizuno drafted. Plus, only three other players were waiver wire pickups - kicker, defense, and tight end. Which means that all the other points and good games that were had by this team - they were all intended for someone else!! The Swindler has done his work - who will he swindle next?

Result: Mizuno Blues wins

Prediction: Waco Kids wins.... WRONG!!

Hoosier Daddy (6-5) 115.4
Prible is my B*tch (5-6) 111.9

As I stated earlier, there are just too many scoring options for Hoosier Daddy. When you have three starting positions score in the 20's - you have a good chance of grabbing the win. Hunt has returned back to earth - earlier in the season he was superman. Have no fear, Kamara is here! Seriously, I can't remember the last time fantasy owners wanted, actually wanted, to own a Saint running back. Currently, I wouldn't mind having both!

PIMB found themselves in a tough situation and it just makes them want to hit a woman! But don't do that, don't even think about it, don't even go near a woman - they might lie and say something happened and then you would have to serve 6 games for the all mighty Goodell. Instead, you should thank Allen for having the game of his life. He is the only reason this thing was close! It also helped that somehow the Bills were turning the ball over every 2 minutes and the Chargers had plenty of scoring options.

Result: Hoosier Daddy wins

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy wins.... RIGHT!!

Sergio Dippsh*ts (4-7) 121.9
Price is a Dick (7-4) 110.3

Once again, if you have three starting positions score in the 20's - you have a good chance of winning! Roethlisberger had a great game to start off the week early for Sergio. Murray was the big workhorse in Minnesota this week and if that continues Sergio will win a few more - too bad he won't be in the playoffs! 

TPIAD had some struggles scoring points. Who would have thought that Smith would not score in double digits against the Giants. The Chiefs looked downright awful on Sunday. Not to mention the fact Sergio won the kicker matchup, and his kicker scored 1 point. If it wasn't for long-tooth Fitzy this would have been a hhhhhuuuuggggeee blow-out.

Result: Sergio Dippsh*ts wins

Prediction: Sergio Dippsh*ts wins..... RIGHT!!

Certified "G" (4-7) 82.2
The J-Bones (6-5) 129.8

Remember when Thielen was a drafted? He was the 35th picked wide receiver - right now? He is the 3rd best receiver in fantasy. This is all in the midst of a quarterback controversy and while being white! Hooked on a Thielen is the answer!

I am just going to say this about Certified "G" - how the f*ck did I lose to this team? This is the same team that is now starting both Dolphins running backs. Nelson and Gronk need to stand back and witness the true Great White Hope and pass the torch the Thielen. 

Result: The J-Bones win

Prediction: The J-Bones win.... RIGHT!!

Sagging TD's (7-4) 102.3
Aaron Rodgers is GAY (4-7) 89.5

What a tremendous win from Sagging! This goes a long way to helping their playoff hopes. They managed to pull out the win and had a combined .3 points from three positions - ouch! The big culprit would be the Rams defense who scored -5 points. But, like I stated in the predictions, Brown likes playing when all eyes are on him! Brown scored nearly half ARIG's entire week total!

My momma always taught me, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." Sorry, ARIG - guess I am keeping my mouth shut! Hey, wait a second - your kicker had a stellar game!!!!!

Result: Sagging TD's wins

Prediction: Sagging TD's wins..... RIGHT!!

Matchup of the Week
John Robles (6-5) 99.8
Dakster's Lavatory (6-5) 91.3

What a brotherly matchup! I just want to know what the youngster has to do now - we all know there was some kind of bet. Unless, marriage has change someone? Nahhhhhh

Seriously, do you even feel good about winning with a point total that low? You would have only beat 3 teams this week - but hey then again the Giants won this week and they only scored 12 points! Bobby Woods still managed to have a decent game - who would have thought? 

Dakster had too many bad situations happen all in the same week. Thompson - who was making an argument for "steal of the draft" will now undergo surgery. Dak had far and away his worst game.... ever. It is extremely rare for a quarterback to score negative points - especially by a quarterback as consistently good as Prescott. That folks, that is why DL lost this matchup. Ride by him (Dak), die by him!!

Result: John Robles wins

Prediction: John Robles wins.... RIGHT!!

Predictions: 5-2

Season: 41-36

Competitor Predictions: 2-5

Competitor Season: 36-41

Mwah