Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Week 1 - Results

Boy the NFL is a bitter pill to swallow. On one side you have those teams that up and coming and looking to make a splash in the big boy pool - yet they can never seem to take off their floaties. On another side, you have a consistently dominate team that somehow finds a way to reload year after year after year. On even another side, you have those teams that always seem to fight to very end - only just to let you down.

Browns/Bears.
Patriots.
Colts.

No matter who your team is; how bad they are; how good they are; they are still your team. Which why NFL fans love week one - they get a chance to finally watch their team, at least love it for a little while. And then it hits you, "shit, my team sucks." Hey, don't you worry little fella - is winning really worth having this GIF floating around the internet?


Or this one...


Or even worse....


Man, I HATE TOM BRADY!

Well, enough about my hate - let's get to why you really came here.... the results! In this Matchup of the Week....

Matchup of the Week
The J-Bones (0-1) v Pretty Boy is my B*tch (1-0)


Every few weeks a fantasy football player gets to experience the feeling of having someone from your team be on your opposing fantasy team. "What do I do? Do I cheer? Do I get angry? What do I do with my hands?" This week was a tough pill for The J-Bones as Hilton played his little heart out and scored 28.7 points this week, but still couldn't get the job done in real life - double whammy! With nobody really showing up this week for The J-Bones it was a tough first week and things need to change in a hurry, because having four positions score less than 10 points isn't going to work. Only three players outperformed their projections for The J-Bones. This is a good week one win for PBIMB and a great way to prove that there is no hangover from last years championship run!

Result: PBIMB wins
Prediction: The J-Bones wins... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: PBIMB wins... RIGHT!!

...And Your Johnson (0-1) v Wings of Dickarus (1-0)


It was a rough week for Your Johnson - got beat on Friday, beat on Sunday, and I know I beat mine on Saturday. One good thing about the matchup is the fact that long tooth Fitz still has something left in the tank. Mahomes played well and we can certainly expect Kelce to follow suit in future weeks - he can't possibly keep throwing the ball to Sammy "So Sad" Watkins, can he? It is just hard to keep pace when your defense, wide receiver, and number one running back all don't score more than six points. On the flip side, Wings really put together a solid performance this week - even his bench had some big players. D-Jax had his typical revenge game performance (he is up for trade). His performance and his fellow benchwarmers combined to break 95 points - something a few team's starters failed to do, here's looking at you Biggus Dickus and Hoosier Daddy. Jacobs and D. Johnson both had solid games and there were five touchdowns scored between the six position players - not a bad start to the season!

Result: Wings of Dickarus wins
Prediction: Wings of Dickarus wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Wings of Dickarus wins... RIGHT!!


Bluffton Backup Backups (0-1) v Florida State SeminalVesicles * (1-0)


First, can we all just give a round of applause for The Bluffton Backup Backups (yes, the name still needs a little work - is this a computer joke?). Stepping up to the plate and ponying up some cash for a team he didn't even draft - although that is probably a good thing. Seriously though, let's really get to it - WHO THE F*CK STARTS SAMMY WATKINS?!?!? Not only did he have the game of his life, he also scribes his name into the Bluffton Bombshells record books - good thing he was starting. His performance combined with Run CMC - another player to break the 40-point barrier really help take down a solid performing squad. The highest team total of the week will earn him a chance to don the belt (there will be a belt coming soon), and an asterisk next to the name!  BBB had four positions score more than 20 points (and another on the bench - see Tennessee/Browns) and all of this with M. Gordon still holding out. This team could be scary good in the 2nd half of the season!

Result: FSSV wins
Prediction: FSSV wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: FSSV wins... RIGHT!!

Massive TD's (1-0) v The Backhatch (0-1)


It seems that this year might be year for the owner of Massive TD's. This team was picked as one of the lower teams (11th ranked) and then in the first week the team throws down a monster score. In 2017, the team scored the top score in two of the first three weeks. Can this team continue to score big points? Prescott and Hopkins will continue to carry the load, but if Williams, Lockett, Landry and Njoku can all continue to break double digits - lookout league, there are some titties on the run! On the flip side, the Backhatch has nothing to be ashamed about. Bell performed very well and Fournette (the question mark) looks to be primed for a nice season - as long as he can avoid the injury bug. With only two positions failing to hit the double digit mark, and one being the kicker, there is plenty of consistency to go around.

Result: Massive TD's wins
Prediction: Massive TD's wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Massive TD's wins... RIGHT!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas (1-0) v Biggus Dickus (0-1)


Welcome to the league.... BIIIIITCH!! Biggues Dickus has some serious soul searching to do after this performance. Although to be fair, who would have expected the floundering performance by Baker and the Browns. It is just not a good look when you step-up to the big boy table and fail to eat even sides - yes that is the equivalent of failing to break 90 in your first week. In fact, it is like your first day of teaching and getting given the year-long algebra kids, "Boy, this is going to be a looooong year!" Llamas, not a bad performance - still finished in the bottom half of the scoring for the week, but hey you can only beat who they put in front of you! Not only did Watson have a great game in real life, but he also scored quite well in the fantasy world - look for that to continue all season long!

Result: Llamas wins
Prediction: Llamas wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Biggus Dickus wins... WRONG!!

Ankle Holster (0-1) v Hernandez Hit Men (1-0)


How do you lose when you have two players combine for over 65 points? You have the other seven positions score less than 55 points. Obviously the injury to Mixon hurt this week, but if he can't shake the injury bug - if will hurt Ankle Holster in more than one way (see side bet in "Ready to Rumble" post). Hernandez Hit Men had one of the most dominate teams last season - and mostly because of then rookie quarterback Patrick Mahomes. This year there will be a heavy reliance on rookie quarterback Kyler Murray - can the rookie make it work again this year? If game one is any indication, I wouldn't hold my breath. The rookie struggled for 3/4's of the game against the Lions - I would continually bank on the fact that he will have multiple huge fourth quarters.

Result: Hernandez Hit Men wins
Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins... WRONG!!

Pen15 Wrinkle (1-0) v Hoosier Daddy (0-1)


When one team looks extremely good and even finds himself in the top 3 of the DDA - you would think they would have a little more dominating performance. Barkley is going to be force-fed for the Army Ants, to think that he was able to score nearly 18 points without scoring a touchdown and he averaged 10.2 yards per carry. The early injury didn't help Williams, but what is Breida's excuse? Breida better show-up now that Coleman is out of the picture! On the flip side, Hoosier Daddy had a huge week from Jackson - and boy did he look good - albeit against the Dolphins. However, when half of your starting positions fail to score more than 10 points, you can pretty much bet you aren't coming out on top!

Result: Pen15 Wrinkle wins
Prediction: Pen15 Wrinkle wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Pen15 Wrinkle wins... RIGHT!!


Prediction Record: 6-1
Mystery Guest: 5-2

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