Well, we made it! The gay ass pandemic tried take everything from us... but we made it. Speaking of gay ass - how do you think that term applied? Was it a gay guy saying how he would like to get all up in another gay man's ass? Or maybe it was a black person referring to a person as a whole - because every black person refers to another black person as "ass." Something like....
Black Mother: You stank, go wash your ass.
Now, does this beautiful black woman literally mean to wash your ass? Maybe. But my extensive research has shown that black people refer to the entire body as a whole as "ass." So how did the term "gay ass" start? Was it a literal gay? Or was it a black person? Or maybe it was both?
Let's just get to why you came here....
Playoff Bound
Remember the Redskins - They are in no matter what.
Win - They lock up the number 1 seed.
Lose - They need to outscore any 7-5 teams to win the tiebreaker.
Asymmetric TDs - They are in no matter what (I think).
Win - They are in and if RtR loses - it gives TDs a chance to take the number 1 seed.
Lose - They are still in, but they will drop to the 6th or 7th seed.
The J-Bones - There is still one extremely unlikely way for them to not make the playoffs - but pretty much in no matter what.
Win - They are in, do your job and you make the playoffs.
Lose - PFT, HHM, SDA, 3rd and 41, and Holster all win and you are outscored by points by SDA and 2G1C.
2 Gurleys 1 Cupp - They need to win or lose and have a few other teams lose in order to make the playoffs
Win - Get your job done and you are in the playoffs
Lose - SDA, 3rd and 41, and Ankle Holster need to win and Ankle Holster need to outscore you by 30 points.
Hernandez Hit Men - Win and you are in, lose and you need some help
Win - Get the 8th win and you are locked up
Lose - Need either Ankle Holster, SDA, PFT (and beat them in a tiebreaker), 3rd and 41 to lose.
Penis Fly Trap - Win and in, lose and you lose pretty much any tiebreakers.
Win - Wrap up a decent seed with the 8th win
Lose - Need 2 of the following teams to lose: iTouchdown, 3rd and 41, SDA, and Ankle Holster.
iTouchdown There - Win and you should be in, lose and you still have a good shot - but it will be more difficult.
Win - Would win pretty much every tiebreaker and should get-in with a win
Lose - Need 2 of the following teams to lose: 3rd and 41, Ankle Holster, and Solo Driving Asians.
3rd and 41 - Pretty much the exact same predicament as iTouchdown There.
Win - A win would pretty much get you in the playoffs.
Lose - Need 2 of the following teams to lose: Ankle Holster, SDA, and iTouchdown (need to outscore this team by 20 points this week)
Solo Driving Asians - Need to win, lose and you can go gnaw on a pickle in the corner
Win - Win and need one of the following teams to lose: iTouchdown, 3rd and 41, PFT, 2G1C, HHM. If Ankle Holster wins - you can still get in by not letting them outscore you by 85 points.
Lose - Currently sitting 9th and a lose means nothing good for SDA.
Ankle Holster - Need to win and need some help
Win - Need 2 of the following to lose: 3rd and 41, iTouchdown, and SDA. Also, if PFT loses and doesn't outscore you by 50 points - they will drop below you.
Lose - See "Solo Driving Asians" but replace 9th with 10th
Bluffton Backup Backups - With them slimmest of hope - there is still a chance.
Win - Need to win, get the belt, outscore everyone by about 120 points and have 3rd and 41 and iTouchdown lose - but hey.... technically speaking, you are still in the race!
Lose - Out
After this the remaining 3 teams (ARBL, PEN15, and Dixie) have all been sent to their helicopters and are heading towards the mountains.
Now, let's get to the predictions....
Matchup of the Week
Penis Fly Trap (7-5) v 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (7-5)
Let's just say, there is a lot riding on this matchup - and not just for these two teams. If PFT can win, they would pull off the improbable and make the playoffs while still finishing in the bottom two in points scored. The winner of this matchup, goes to the playoffs - the loser faces a slew of teams behind them waiting to try and take their spot. 2G1C is in a much better spot if they lose, but that doesn't mean that is best option for them - both teams desperately need a win to avoid the mess that waiting beneath them.
Prediction: Penis Fly Trap wins
Mystery Guest: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins
Remember the Redskins* (8-4) v Bluffton Backup Backups (5-7)
BBB needs a lot to happen for them to make the playoffs - but the first part is going to be the toughest. They are facing a team that is fighting to lock up the number one seed, earn their money back and play with house money in the playoffs. RtR has a stellar team and they have not had the number one pick for 90% of the season. They have been riding Wilson and Metcalf all season long - which also means they are vulnerable for a down week. Everyone is hoping it comes next week and not this week - everyone except BBB....
Prediction: Remember the Redskins wins
Mystery Guest: Remember the Redskins wins
Solo Driving Asians (6-6) v Asymmetric TDs** (7-5)
This is another crucial matchup that could have found itself as the MotW. There is a lot riding on this matchup - not just for these two teams, but also for everyone else. If TDs can stop (arguably) the hottest team in fantasy football, it can knock SDA out of the playoff push and give them a chance to win the number one seed. Not only that, but is TDs does win - they at least have secured the 2nd seed (winner of the division). SDA needs to win and they are finally starting to score points, can Adams and Watson put together one more big week?
Prediction: Asymmetric TDs wins
Mystery Guest: Asymmetric TDs wins
Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (4-8) v Ankle Holster* (6-6)
Let's be honest, these two have a history. Last year they made a bet about somebody making the playoffs - didn't happen. Halfway through the season, the same bet was placed. It just so happens that Holster needs to win and have a little bit of help and they have a chance to get in the playoffs. Can ARBL stop them in their tracks right now? Will we ever see the deadliest WR trio (Hopkins/Thomas/Jones) live up to their potential? A few teams are hoping so...
Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins and takes down the belt
The J-Bones** (7-5) v PEN15 Wrinkle (4-8)
The J-Bones must be thanking their lucky stars, they don't have to worry about a loss on the final week of the season. PEN15 has snuck up and tripped a few people up - but let's be honest, is the manager even checking the team at this point? Even with a loss this week The J-Bones get into the playoffs, but it would be nice to move on with a little momentum...
Prediction: The J-Bones win
Mystery Guest: The J-Bones win
Dixie Normous* (4-8) v 3rd and 41** (6-6)
This is also a pretty important matchup - especially if Dixie Normous can end the dynasty on a huge upset win this week. Dixie is eliminated from the playoffs - an area they have done very well in - but it doesn't mean they can't ride out on a white stallion rather than a dirty mule. Taking down 3rd and 41 on the last week and eliminating them from the playoffs would be the equivalent to Kobe Bryant scoring 60 points in his last game. Go get your white stallion....
Prediction: 3rd and 41 wins
Mystery Guest: 3rd and 41 wins
iTouchdown There* (6-6) v Hernandez Hit Men (7-5)
If there were two matchups that hold the keystone to entire archway it is this matchup and the MotW. One of these teams will lockup their spot in the playoffs - they other will be throw near the bottom of the pile. Talk about pressure.... iTouchdown loses and they are knocked out of the race with a possibility of scoring the most points in the season. HHM loses and they face the possibility of being the number 1 ranked DDA team and possibly not making the playoffs. My oh my, this is gonna be fun....
Prediction: iTouchdown There wins and takes down the belt!
Mystery Guest: iTouchdown There wins
Mwah
I wish you all good luck, except for you 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp, may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!
No comments:
Post a Comment