The time has come for all of us to completely forget the outside world. Forget about jobs. Forget about hobbies. Forget about families. It is time to focus solely on the one thing that matters from now until December.... FANTASY FOOTBALL!!! Some of you may think, "I got a lot of other sh*t going one during that time. I can't just focus on this league."
THEN. GET. THE. F*CK. OUT.
This is your main chick - all other leagues, jobs, etc. they are your side chicks. If your main chick ain't happy, nothing in life is going right. You better keep your line-ups up to date. You better check the bye weeks. You better do some research. I can promise you one thing.... this is the year the trophy finally comes home.
I liken my situation to Lebron James....
I have clearly been the best owner in the league since the inception. In fact let me break it down for you....
Exhibit A:
Above you will notice this is a spreadsheet that includes all of the owners in the past 5 years (ESPN only has stats back until then). I rank, along with a few other owners, at the top in playoff appearances. However - fear not, this is not the only piece of evidence.
Exhibit B:
This is a chart of the number of wins from each owner for each year. You will also notice my name is at the top. In fact, I have won the regular season in 2 out of the past 5 seasons and I am the only owner to have double digit wins in more than one season. And the last piece of resistance....
Exhibit C:
Above is the owners and the total number of points scored. You will also notice my name at the top. In fact, there is only 1 season where I did not finish in the top 2 teams of scoring in the past 5 years.
Some of you are probably saying to yourself, "Who gives a shit?" You all better give a shit, that is why you are in the f*cking league!!
Yes, there is one chart that is missing - the previous champions. For all my wins and all my points, I have yet to win the league. Well guess what, it took Lebron 9 years to win a championship. Guess what year this is for the league? You bet your nutsack it is year 9 - TIME FOR THE KING TO REIGN!!!
Anyways, now that I have annoyed you - here is what you really came for... the DDA and the matchup predictions.
THE DDA
2. The Fortune Cockies - Destined for greatness
3. The J-Bones - Hoping CMC can stay healthy for the squad
4. Country Roads, Take Mahomes - Ironically, there were four guys truly debating - guess who the top 4 are?
5. Backup Backups - A good duo at RB and a solid QB helps this squad
6. Hernandez Hitmen - Need a big year out of Herbert to stay relevant
7. Something Titties - In all honesty, this team could easily finish in the top trio when the season finishes
8. Ankle Holster - The 5th guy who stayed for the DDA, should say something about his team if he dropped this low
9. ARBL - Homer pick of Montgomery dropped him, but then Mahomes brings him right back into the conversation
10. Hoosier Daddy - Track record speaks for itself, but why 3 QB's?
11. Penis Wrinkle - The 49ers will suck, but they will suck less than this squad
12. Church Vans - Not sure, waiting until the 4th round to take your first RB was the play
13. Dixie Normous - Lezbehonest, it doesn't matter who is on your team.... somehow your shitty squad will find a way to win
14. DK Country - Not only does your team suck - you done gone messed up the sticker board!
Draft Tidbits
2. Ribich took three quarterbacks and even contemplated taking four. Are we serious? Arguably one of the smartest/most experienced fantasy players in the league and he almost took a 4th quarterback? Is this world going absolutely bonkers? Yes. This is the straw that broke the camels back. I get it when we elected a corpse to president. I get it when half the country hates the other half. I get when we all decided to walk around looking Bane from Batman. But, Ribich taking 3 quarterbacks in a draft? WE HAVE TO DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!!!!
3. The trade that never happened. Very few knew, but there was almost a "during the draft trade." It has never been done in our league. Two owners had discussed the possibility of a trade if a certain player had fallen - nothing was finalized, but there was discussions. It would have been the first of its kind - obviously, the player did not drop and the trade fell through. I can only imagine the bursting of heads if the player would have dropped and the trade was made - heart palpitations, strokes (not the bating kind), H-aches, and maybe sudden death would taken place.
4. This is the first time in league history we have had every owner return for the next season. Will we make it the whole season without losing someone? It would take a miracle. I have hope though, we can achieve greatness.
5. There is no real 5th thing......... I just think that five points look better than four points.
Week 1 Matchups
Matchup of the Week
The Fortune Cockies vs The J-Bones
Prediction: The Fortune Cockies
Mystery Guest: The Fortune Cockies
If you want to talk about a close matchup to start the season off - these two rosters are almost identical. Each roster has a top-tier QB (Mahomes/Murray), a top-tier WR (Hill/Metcalf), a fringe upper level RB (Montgomery/Harris), and both kickers are projected for the same amount of points. It is wild to say this, but it could come down to the defensive matchups in this one. Both defenses have friendly matchups with offenses that struggle last season - pretty much a coin flip there as well. It might just come down to the weak spot for each roster - Higbee for ARBL and Moss for DK. Personally, I like Higbee's chances of more volume and opportunity over Moss.... the edge goes to ARBL.
Teardrop TD's vs Church Vans
This is a tough matchup between two teams with stud QB's (Jackson vs Brady). Church Vans took "PPR" to heart and went after some top level pass-catchers by snagging Kelce, Hopkins, and Julio in the first three rounds. Vans is going to consistently need big weeks out of those three players in order to stay competitive in the league. The drop-off in running backs is drastic and Edmonds and Williams are not going to cut it - especially against Chubb and CEH. Teardrops just need average weeks across the board in order to seal the deal in this matchup.
Prediction: Teardrop TD's
Mystery Guest: Teardrop TD's
Dixie Normous vs Country Roads
Don't let the lineup fool you, Dixie Normous has won this league twice.... back-to-back for that matter. He has a strong tandem at RB and quarterback that has plenty of weapons on offense. Unfortunately, drafting Dobbins would have looked much better had it not been after he was pronounced dead. It does help that there are solid options to throw in the flex to replace that gaping hole in the lineup. As much as I love the Country Roads' lineup with Kamara, Jefferson, and McLaurin - I got to think the two-time champion knows what he is doing and is looking to make a statement in week 1.
Prediction: Dixie Normous
Mystery Guest: Country Roads, Take Mahomes
Fresh Start vs Hernandez Hit Men
This was the second option for the MotW.... defending champion looking to start his campaign on the right foot. There is a definite target on his back: defending champion, DDA ranking: 1, Big Ben's swan song season. Are the stars aligning for a deep run throughout the season? HHM would like to keep a question mark at the end of that statement - and ride the wingspan of rookie TE Pitts. With a very steady starting lineup there is plenty of opportunity to score points. The consistency gives the edge to HHM as they look to knock the crown off the king in week one.
Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men
Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men
Bluffton Backup Backups vs Ankle Holster
Triple B had better have a banger of a squad if we are going to pop our "pause cherry" for him to get to the draft on time. The man did not disappoint - not only did he save the league by filling in for he who shall not be named, but he also has drafted a very good team. This team will rely on Prescott return to the form he was in last season before his gruesome injury, if that is the case - this team could make a deep run. On the flip side, Holsters will be relying on homer picks Rodgers and Adams to team-up and light the world on fire. If they have a bad week, this team has almost no chance of competing week-in and week-out. Look for the p-card stealing, tech guru to take week one with a good showing from the starting quarterback.
Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster
Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams vs DK Country
Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas
Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas
Hoosier Daddy? vs PEN15 Wrinkle
Oddly enough, a team that drafted 3 quarterbacks (and entertained the idea of taking a fourth) has a decent starting line to fill the roster. Their weak spot happens to be a cancer-beating, former starting, man with two first names, running back. Sooooooo, is that really a weak spot? On the flip side, is Barkley is able to play and return to level he once was at - Wrinkle could be a team on a mission. With only two starting positions being occupied by his homer squad, both his real fandom team and his fantasy team can't be wrecked by injuries at the same time this year. These two teams could be competing for a playoff spot down the road, but for now with the Barkley question mark - the advantage has to go to Daddy.
Prediction: Hoosier Daddy?
Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy?
Gentleman, let the most wonderful time of the year begin! And as always.... good luck to all teams except The J-Bones, may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!
With Love,
Commish
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