1. Lottery Winners - This should be self-explanatory. In fact, most educated people understand that when they buy a lottery ticket, they are not going to win. Which begs the question: Why even buy the ticket in the first place?
2. Taking a good shit - Some might argue that it is an artful. Some might even argue that it is a skill, one that should be practiced. However, I would argue - no matter what your body is going to digest what you eat. No matter what you are going to have to dispose of the waste. No matter what - that shit is coming out of you.
3. Candyland - This is the worst board game in allllllll of the world. There is no skill involved - there is no strategy involved. There isn't even dice in this game!!! This is literally just picking a color and moving a piece across a board. Any time my kids ask to play this game I just tell them to go to their room and think about their life choices.
Apparently, Fantasy Football belongs on this list - if someone can start Dalvin Cook when he is out and still get a win. You know what though, good for him. Good for Bluffton Backup Backups. As I have stated hundreds of times, I will never root against someone who willingly paid league dues and took over a team that he did not get to draft. Who saved this league from the purgatory of "he who shall not be named" dropping out. You deserve this.
Matchup of the Week
Bluffton Backup Backups (3-0) v PEN15 Wrinkle (2-1)
Triple B has earned their way into the MotW. The big question remains: Will Dalvin Cook play? Will Dalvin Cook remain in the starting lineup? At this point, I am not sure it really matters - I have never seen a lineup with such awful matchups in terms of defenses they are facing. Prescott v Carolina - the current top ranked defense in the NFL. Cook v Cleveland - just look at last week and what Cleveland's defense did. Swift v Chicago - Chicago will be able to focus on the running backs (there is nothing else in Detroit). Allen v Las Vegas - Vegas has shut down nearly every offense it has faced up to this point. Godwin v New England - this is going to be battle no matter what with the storylines surrounding this game. I am picking the upset solely based upon matchups and the difficulty they will present. Now is your time to shine PEN15, NOW IS THE TIME!!!
Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle
Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups
The Fortune Cockies (2-1) v Dixie Normous (0-3)
We all know what is coming here.... I am going to pick The Fortune Cockies to win in a landslide. After last week and saying how Dixie Normous might be the worst team in the league.... history - then my team has to face them. This is exactly the bulletin board material that Dixie needs to spark some energy into the squad and pull off an huuuuuge upset. Would we be surprised if it happened? No. Should it happen? HELL NO.
Prediction: The Fortune Cockies
Mystery Guest: The Fortune Cockies
Hoosier Daddy? (2-1) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas* (2-1)
Well, well, well.... it looks like we have a battle of two of the top three QB/WR stacks. In one corner we have the Bills Mafia's very own Allen and Diggs. Last year they burst onto the scene and have become a dangerous tandem that has looked to torch opposing defensive secondaries. In the other corner we have Chiefs - more politically correct "Leaders of the Native Homosapiens that once occupied the land that we now call America" - Patty Mahomes and Tyreek Hill. These two have showcased the ability to go absolutely nuts in a matter of one quarter. Unfortunately, the "Leaders of the Native Homosapiens that once occupied the land that we now call America" have not looked like themselves and the Bills Mafia have been on a mission since losing week 1. Give me Allen/Diggs for the win.
Prediction: Hoosier Daddy?
Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy?
The J-Bones (1-2) v DK Country* (1-2)
What does a team do when they lose not only their first round pick, but also the number one overall pick in fantasy football? Throw in a backup and pray that they are able to pick up the slack somewhere else. Unfortunately, The J-Bones face-off against DK Country and welcome the 4th highest scoring team - who somehow has a losing record. Interestingly enough, Stafford's Rams go against Murray's Cardinals in a battle for the division. The Rams might win the battle - but Murray provides an opportunity to scramble and score a lot of points with his legs. Look for Murray to win the fantasy battle and give his team the edge.
Prediction: DK Country
Mystery Guest: The J-Bones
Fresh Start* (2-1) v Ankle Holster (0-3)
Ankle Holster might not be the worst team - but it isn't far off. It is going to take a heroic performance from Rodgers and Adams to even keep this match close. There is a lot of firepower from Fresh Start - whose only weak position is the TE. I am not confident in 2-Glvoes Teddy going against Baltimore this week, but once again there is just too much firepower coming from the entire lineup for Fresh Start. Unless, Rodgers and Adams have a night where they connect for 10+ receptions and 2+ touchdowns - look for this to be an absolute demolition.
Prediction: Fresh Start
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster
Church Vans (2-1) v Country Roads (2-1)
I will be completely honest; at this point, it is just more fun to try and justify a reason to not pick Church Vans. Luckily, in this matchup it is easy to justify - Country Roads just has too many comfy matchups. Outside of Jefferson facing off against Cleveland's defense - nearly every other matchup is filled with weak defenses. Look for Country Roads to bounce back from last week and continue the downward spiral that Church Vans is on. Hey, at least that means the Tigers should win!
Prediction: Country Roads
Mystery Guest: Church Vans
Teardrop TD's (0-3) v Hernandez Hit Men (2-1)
This will be a battle of "Studs and Duds" vs "Depth." Teardrop has an elite level QB (Jackson), elite level running back (Chubb), elite level wide receiver (Lamb) - but everyone else? Honestly, there are a few of those players that would get overlooked on the waiver wire. On the flip side, HHM has good depth throughout his entire lineup. Will one of his starters pop-off and then the rest just pull their weight and have a normal week? If so, this will be an easy win for HHM. It is going to take huuuuge weeks from Lamb/Jackson/Chubb in order to be competitive.
Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men
Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men
As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for Dixie Normous, may his entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!
With Love
Commish
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