Week 7 Predicktions

There is not much worse than being the worst team in your Fantasy Football League.... trust me I know. It seems like every week there is something that happens and that equates to a loss for your team. Maybe it is a hail mary, maybe it is an injury, maybe it is trading away a player and they have a big week. Either way, you got to show up the next day and hear it from everyone - as you should. If you suck at Fantasy Football, it is everyone's job to let you know how many blahhhhs you should be giving. Don't get me wrong, it sucks - but maybe not as bad as....

1. Being told to shut-up by two guys in sweatsuits while you try to play Connect 4 against anyone in the bar. Were you yelling? Suuurrrreeee. Did people love it? You bet. Did you beat everyone that you played? Obviously. But those two f*ggots really ruined the night by yelling at everyone. Way to ruin the fun, ya dick sucker!

2. The inability to close a solid night of work on someone of the female persuasion... if you know what I mean. Maybe, you bought her drinks... maybe a bunch of people went back to her place... maybe you started playing a game involving more libations and the removal of clothes... and maybe, you decide that you can't hold your alcohol the moment she removes her top. Yup, that would totally suck.

3. Needing to rock the porcelain throne and all the men's rooms are full. You got two options... ladies room? Been there done that. Or you find a nice dark area out back and pray this thing comes out solid. Yeahhhh, that would suck.

All three of these things suck, but nothing matches...

4. TBRI Training.... f*ck that sh*t.

Matchup of the Week

Heat Hicks (1-5) v Love Hurts (3-3)

Yeahhhh, homer pick for MotW

Matchup to Watch: Nabers v MHJ... that is, if this matchup happens. These are 2 of the top 3 rookie WRs and when they play, they have the ability to make any catch. Nabers is obviously having the better year - but once acquired by Heat Hicks he has been out with concussion protocol (naturally). MHJ is now dealing with an injury, but it will be fun to see this take place on the fantasy field, should both play.

Heat Hick Favor: Close to full strength... they are getting close to full strength, but the question is whether it is too late. Had they won last week (lost to a half-time hail mary), they might have had a much better chance at the playoffs - now they need to run the table. They are my pick for the belt this week though.

Love Favor: Matchups... you look across the board and there are not many (if any) top-tier defenses these players are going against. Don't buy into the projections hype, this matchup could be close. The matchups are really nice for Love Favor with games of high over/under lines and teams that typically give up 20-30 points a game.

Predicktion: Heat Hicks

Mystery Guest: Heat Hicks

PEN15 Wrinkle (3-3) v The J-Bones (3-3)

Battle of the .500 teams

Matchup to Watch: Hill v Henry... let's be honest, this shouldn't be much of a battle. King Henry has taken sole possession of the backfield. Hill will come in and try and work some passing downs - but Henry should win this matchup handily, if not - there are issues. There a few other players that share teams and games among these two teams, which is what creates a fun matchup between these two teams.

Wrinkle Favor: Andrews... I look at this matchup and it looks like it could get out of hand. Wilson matches up with a tough defense (Pitt) and Mason is banged up. However, Marc Andrews is finally starting to get going and if he can get keep things rolling - it will help this squad tremendously.

J-Bones Favor: Henry/Bucky... these two teams play each other and there one thing to take away from this NFL matchup. Baltimore has given up almost a rushing touchdown a game, and they are the more stout rushing defenses. Bucky has pretty much taken over the starting role for Tampa - but things get even better when you look at the other side of things. Tampa has given up just over 115 rushing yards and more than 1 rushing touchdown per game. Guess who is going to eat that up? King Henry.

Predicktion: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

The J-Bones 2.0 (5-1) v ARBL (2-4)

Does the onslaught continue?

Matchup to Watch: Uhhhhhh.... pick a player, I guess? At the time of writing, ARBL currently has 4 players on bye and 4 players that are questionable/doubtful/out. Truthfully, I am writing this during a certain Tuesday conference night. I know it is early, but man this does not look good on paper. Things may change throughout the week - but it is tough to find a way to throw something out there when you have 4 players on bye and some injuries.

2.0 Favor: Everything... literally just everything.

ARBL Favor: Changes... hopefully there are changes to be made to the starting lineup. McLaurin was a player that was just picked up and he performed very well. This manager is struggling to get wins, but part of that is due to injuries and timing.

Predicktion: The J-Bones 2.0

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones 2.0

Cleveland Streamers (3-3) v Ankle Holster (4-2)

Can Holster keep it going?

Matchup to Watch: Evans v Diggs... these two guys each face tough secondaries and defenses that focus on stopping the air attack. It will be fun to see which guy has a big game. For Evans, it has seemed to be feast or famine (especially with Godwin playing so well). Diggs has also been the same way with so many different weapons on the Houston offense. One of these guys could step-up and have big games, or both could be strangled by the tough defenses.

Streamers Favor: Healthy Richardson?... A healthy Richardson could help out this squad a lot - especially with an enticing matchup against Miami. Now, if he is not healthy - there is Danny Dimes going against a Philly defense. Richardson is a near must for this team to have a good shot at winning. The other issue, do the Colts even play Richardson if he is healthy or do they ride out Smokin' Joe into the sunset?

Holster Favor: RB's... this a complete troll, since this dickhead bet me $20 that his top RB would score more than my top RB by the end of the season. Bijan and Breece are within .3 of each other... Breece is ahead - only for now!

Predicktion: Ankle Holster

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Pendulous TD's (2-4) v Ertz when Eifert (4-2)

Has there been a more injured team than Pendulous?

Matchup to Watch: Wan'Dale v Mims... who the f*ck are these guys? Mainly, why I wanted them to be the Matchup to Watch. Wan'Dale has been a pleasant surprise for Pendulous and for Giants fans. He is averaging over 10 targets a game - and that includes when Nabers was healthy. On the flip side.... yeahhhhh not gonna lie - I have seen the error of my ways. It is very early to write this, and Mims is definitely getting replaced with Jefferson - but I am just too lazy to delete and rewrite.

TD's Favor: Heart... there is not many teams that have taken the injury hits like Pendulous TD's, three of his top 4 picks were injured and the 4th guy was none other than Sam LaPorta - a player who has struggled to come anywhere close to his potential for the season. On top of that, TD's made a trade and acquired Travis Etienne - now hurt. If anything comes of this... the boys have heart.

Ertz Favor: Just good?.... I know it is a cop-out, but when you can get a win and you have Justin Jefferson on the bye (last week), then you have a good lineup. Literally the only thing this lineup is missing is a good TE - after that, they are good to go. This should be a run away win for the Ertz boys.

Predicktion: Ertz when Eifert

Mystery Guest: Ertz when Eifert

Bootay Pirates (2-4) v Connor's Stalions (5-1)

Effin' Hail Mary

Matchup to Watch: Effin' Hail Mary

Bootay Pirates: Effin' Hail Mary

Connor's Stallions: Just don't lose to an Effin' Hail Mary

Predicktion: Connor's Stalions

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates

Cocaine Cowboys (3-3) v MAYEday (2-4)

Must win?

Matchup to Watch: Devonta v Chase... this may seem like an uneven matchup, but hear me out. Chase is averaging 20.1 points... but half of his performances have yielded less than 13 points. Devonta has never scored below 15 points in his outings. Chase faces a tough Cleveland defense and a Devonta goes against a weak NYG defense. Things look uneven on paper... but are they?

Cocaine Favor: Big Plays... Cocaine has players that have the potential to make big plays. You look at a player like Jameson Williams and his stat line last week: 3 catches, 75 yards, 1 touchdown. Devonta Smith had 3 catches, 64 yards, 1 touchdown. Pittman Jr. had 3 catches, 34 yards, 1 touchdown. Tony Pollard had 93 yards and a touchdown. Yes, you want to see more opportunities - but as long as they can cust a few plays open - they have the potential to score.

MAYE Favor: Across the Pond... I know that MAYEday is not going to like hearing this, but the last time Jacksonville stayed in England for a back-to-back... they won. This could represent a fantastic opportunity for Engram and Kirk - especially considering they are welcoming the Patriots, who are giving up nearly 3 touchdowns a game. With Etienne out, this production has to come from somewhere.

Predicktion: Cocaine Cowboys

Mystery Guest: MAYEday

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, Bootay Pirates - may your entire line-up be forced to watch an entire WNBA game filled with layups, dribbling, passing, and more layups.

With Love

Commish