Week 12 Results/Week 13 Predicktions

Let's just skip the pleasantries... it is Thanksgiving week - which means we have two days of school and less time for me to write the blog. So what will happen is this...

This Week's Predicktions: 4-3

Mystery Guest: 3-4

Which puts the season standings at...

Fantasy Sensei: 39-38

Mystery Guest: 40-37

The real reason why we are skipping past some of the opening vagina monologues is because we have business to attend. 

Bootay Pirates has been eliminated from the playoff running. Which now means his team is off limits for trading - not that he was going to make any trades anyways. Rumor on the street was he wasn't even the one running the team. If this does happen to be the final run for the Bootay Pirates manager - it has been a good career. He has hoisted the Ron Jeremy trophy twice (back-to-back years) and forever be remembered as the Jim Plunkett of the league. For those that don't know... Plunkett won the NFL Super Bowl twice, but he has more interceptions than touchdowns and never threw for more than 3,000 yards in season. Yet, somehow Mr. Plunkett has two Super Bowls.... suck it Dan Marino.

The next issue to attend, PEN15 Wrinkle and ARBL are still technically alive. They have 1 percent chance to make the playoffs - which means one more loss and they are done and even if they win out they need a lot of help!

ARBL should also be reminded that we now have two teams to secure their playoff spot. Ertz when Eifert (who once again scored in the bottom 3 but still won) and Ankle Holster. I think there might be some long-standing bet between ARBL and Ankle Holster - but don't shoot the messenger.

Let's jump down to the penultimate weekly matchup's...

Matchup of the Week

Connor's Stallions (7-5) v Ertz when Eifert (10-2)

This matchup between two teams at the top of the division will have a massive impact on the race for the 1 and 2 seed. For those keeping track, Ertz just has his opponent's points against cross the 1,000 point barrier for the season 2 weeks ago. Yes, it took his opponents 11 weeks to get there and then this week he wins with the 3rd fewest total again. Truthfully, this team is either destined to win it all or they will crumble in the first round of the playoffs. On the flip side, Stallions have been up and down and up and down. They started the season winning 6 out of 7 weeks and now have lost 4 out of 5 weeks. This is a big week for them and they have the firepower to make something happen. I like Stallions to come out with a big win and make the race for the top of the Rock Hard division their's to lose.

Predicktion: Connor's Stallions

Mystery Guest: Connor's Stallions

Heat Hicks (5-7) v The J-Bones 2.0 (6-6)

This is a very interesting matchup between two teams that are in the middle of the pack record wise, but at in vastly different positions playoff race wise. The J-Bones 2.0 have scored the most points in the league - so they will win any tie-breaker with records. Which means, even if Heat Hicks wins - they will still be behind JB 2.0. It will take a big week from Heat Hicks to keep up in the race. On the flip side, JB 2.0 has arguably the Offensive Player of the Year (Barkley) and Kamara comes off the bye - look for fireworks in this matchup. Call it a homer pick, it is what it is....

Predicktion: Heat Hicks

Mystery Guest: JB 2.0

MAYEday (5-7) v Bootay Pirates (3-9)

It is really as simple as this: Ja'marr Chase is coming off the bye and has had a full week of rest and preparation? Give me MAYEday for the win.

Predicktion: MAYEday

Mystery Guest: MAYEday

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-8) v Ankle Holster (8-4)

Each team has their own individual race they are competing in. Wrinkle is trying to just stay alive.... although he might as well just bite the curb - it happening big guy! Ankle Holster is still clinging to hopes of getting the top seed in the their division. If this matchup goes his way and Ertz when Eifert loses... they have a chance. This matchup is a landslide... it is like David and Goliath - except this time David is rockless.

Predicktion: Ankle Holster

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Love Hurts (6-6) v Pendulous TD's (5-7)

This is another middle of the pack matchup that will have ripple effects across the league. Why such an effect? Love Hurts is 6-6 and in the playoffs record-wise, but they are sitting at 11th for points scored - which means they would lose virtually every tie-breaker. They only way they still in the race is to keep winning or put up a bunch of points in a hurry. On the flip side, Pendulous is sitting at 8th for points scored and they have a legit chance to really shift things in their favor. Should they win, they will jump Love Hurts and move inside the playoff cut. Look for CMC and Achane to carry the load and then Burrow to cash-in on restful bye week.

Predicktion: Pendulous TD's

Mystery Guest: Love Hurts

ARBL (4-8) v Cocaine Cowboys (7-5)

This is a "crucial" matchup... I say that - but it really only important for one team. ARBL is on the brink of elimination and even if they win, they are probably still not making it. However, Cocaine needs one more win to lock up a spot. They have two good chances in the final two weeks - this week against ARBL and next week against Pendulous TD's. The odd part for Cocaine - they can't really win their division and they shouldn't just completely fall apart to get knocked out of the playoffs... it like they are just waiting 2 weeks for it to really matter. Either way, I like the Cocaine Cowboys to put the final nail in the coffin for ARBL's run.

Predicktion: Cocaine Cowboys

Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys

The J-Bones (7-5) v Cleveland Streamers (7-5)

As it stands right now, The J-Bones would get the number 2 seed, by way of winning their division. Also, as it stands, Cleveland Streamers needs one more win to lock up a playoff spot. This matchup is projected for the most points combined points and could be what many would consider the MotW 2.0. Honestly, this is going to be a close one - Lamb and Tracy Jr. play against each other (with neither opposing defenses looking great). King Henry is doing 23 year old King Henry things and Herbert looks more efficient every week. I think that The J-Bones take this one with a big performance from none other than.......................... "Lucky" Bucky Irving.

Predicktion: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, The J-Bones 2.0 - may your entire lineup be forced to watch an entire WNBA game filled with layups, dribbling, passing and more layups.

With Love

Commish

Week 12 Predicktions

Dear Diary,

This is a big week in my life... we are pretty much in the push for the playoffs in my Fantasy Football league and I don't want to be on the outside looking in. There is nothing that I can really do about it - my best player is on the bye - just start who I can and hope it is enough. I might even skip the weekly rosterbate session to see if that will be bring me good luck. I will check back with after this week.

Love

Me

P.S. - That cute girl looked at me when we were eating dinner, I think I might try and bed her tonight.

If we were diary writing men - maybe you are? - we might be seeing this entry a lot this week. It is an important week for a few teams....

Bootay Pirates and ARBL - need to win to stay alive in the race, probably need help as well

Heat Hicks - need to win at the bare minimum 2 of the last 3 weeks... that is with help from other teams.

J-Bones 2.0/Pendulous TD's - both are sitting at 5-6 and square-off this week, this is a big matchup for the middle of the pack.

Ertz when Eifert - they now hold a 2 game lead with a matchup against Bootay Pirates this week - a win here would do wonders for their bid for the top spot

Reminder, the trade deadline is November 29th - which means that if you want to make a trade for the push at the end of the season.... probably need to happen sooner rather than later!

Matchup of the Week

Connor's Stalions (7-4) v Ankle Holster (7-4)

This matchup is between these two teams is pretty important for both teams and their fight for positioning. Connor's Stalions is current the top team of their division... which means they are in line for either the 1 seed or the 2 seed. They need to keep winning and they will fill in one of those spots - if they lose, it will come down to help from other teams. Ankle Holster is looking to try and fight for getting a top spot in their division - currently they are 4th.... but 3 teams are tied at 7-4 and they are within 20 points of each other. Stalions have a good matchup with Daniels and Robinson Jr. getting Dallas' defense and ARSB plays against a sorry Indianapolis team. On the flip side, Ankle Holster is losing out on Breece Hall this week.... you know what that means!

Predicktion: Connor's Stalions

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Heat Hicks (4-7) v MAYEday (5-6)

What happens when you take two teams fighting for a playoff spot and you have each team's best player go on the bye? Complete chaos on who to start and how to try and get points. At the time of this writing, Heat Hicks is starting Jaleel McLaughlin and Calvin Ridley at the Flex... will that remain? On the flip side, MAYE needs to find replacements for Chase/Engram/Koo... which should be able to be done with the bench. The bigger question is, will there be a trade as these teams try to find ways to get much needed wins down the stretch.

Predicktion: Heat Hicks

Mystery Guest: MAYEday

ARBL (3-8) v Cleveland Streamers (7-4)

This is a big week, although it might not matter, for ARBL. They must win out and they must have specific teams lose to even stay alive. If that does not happen, they will be eliminated and their team will be locked for trading. On one hand, Cleveland Streamers will not have to think about who to start - 6 players on the bench, including Drake London/Chase Brown/Brian Thomas Jr. It will be tough on them, but also will it matter? ARBL has failed to break 90 points in the last 4 straight weeks... the bar is set low for Cleveland Streamers.

Predicktion: Cleveland Streamers

Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers

Bootay Pirates (3-8) v Ertz when Eifert (9-2)

Is this the matchup between the "best" team and the "worst" team? Possibly. Ertz has the belt and Bootay is tied for the worst record. Bootay is going to be missing a ton of their starters and (shocker) Ertz will not be. It seems like the season has just really worked out well for Ertz... and they are taking advantage of it. Bootay - if you are out there, if you are listening.... you need to do something to switch it up... make a trade, pick someone up, do something - because this is pretty much your last week.

Predicktion: Ertz when Eifert

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates

The J-Bones (6-5) v Cocaine Cowboys (7-4)

I don't know about you, but I look forward to being at basement where it all started and watching the games with both these owners in the room. If I am being completely honest, I will be pulling for Cocaine (it is easier for my team to reach The J-Bones) - but I don't see this going that way. If the Cleveland Streamers have a team that makes you say, "How are they winning?" then The J-Bones have a team that makes you go, "How do they lose?"

Predicktion: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

The J-Bones 2.0 (5-6) v Pendulous TD's (5-6)

You want to talk about a key matchup.... we got it right here. Both teams are missing some key starters for the bye, but make no excuse - this is a must win for both teams. Dropping to 5-7 makes it a near impossible task to comeback - nearly. The advantage goes to Pendulous with Burrow going on the bye, but they have Goff stashed on their bench and he gets to play a porous Indy defense. On the flip side, JB 2.0 has Kamara going on the bye - but they welcome back Pacheco. This could be a season saver! I still like Pendulous in this one, but who knows? Maybe a move or two could switch things up.

Predicktion: Pendulous TD's

Mystery Guest: Pendulous TD's

Love Hurts (5-6) v PEN15 Wrinkle (4-7)

You know what really kills a team? When you are relying on Jordan Mason and you just know that eventually CMC is going to take his job completely.... it seems like that has definitely happened. It was a good run while it lasted for Wrinkle. Love Hurts gets Marvin Harrison Jr back in the lineup and Ekeler gets to play against Dallas. I think this could be a good week for Love Hurts and Wrinkle is really going to need Pickens and Andrews to step-up. You know what also hurts a teams chances to make the palyoffs? Not coming to the draft party and sucking on the toes of a dead turtle instead.

Predicktion: Love Hurts

Mystery Guest: Love Hurts

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, MAYEday - may your entire lineup be forced to watch an entire WNBA game filled with layups, dribbling, passing, and more layups.

With Love

Commish

Week 11 Results

A calf cavern

A massage for the lowers

A blanket for the piggies

A foot vagina

All these are what I like to refer to a brand new pair of socks. When you slide that puppy over the foot and you feel the fresh cotton on your skin.... ohhhhhhhhhhh baby - I am gonna need a minute. I might just start a softcore Feet Finder and have it be feet putting on new pairs of socks. It would be like normal porn playing backwards... a real psyche job for the brain.

Everyone has them... weird things that they do to help soothe their brains. Mine is socks and jerking my rocks... a certain manager in the league really loves to fluff his clothing. What a straight-up Hallmark card gayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Some managers in here turn to libations to ease the pain... either way, when you face a terrible defeat - you gotta soothe away the pain.

Matchup of the Week

Ertz when Eifert (9-2) v Heat Hicks (4-7)

It is not surprising to see Ertz have a big week... but a belt win?!?!? It always rings true... I will talk trash about a team and then when I play them, they have their best week. Ertz remains solely in 1st place and will look to hold onto it as they face the Bootay Pirates next week. On the flip side, this was not a good week for Heat Hicks, they take a loss and now drop outside of the playoff push - but there is a hodge podge at the bottom. It will be a good finish to the season if they win these next two weeks and make the last week worthwhile.

Prediction: Heat Hicks.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Heat Hicks... WRONG!!

Cleveland Streamers (7-4) v Love Hurts (5-6)

I mean this with all due respect... Cleveland Streamers is a team that you look at and you wonder, "How is this team winning?" But it seems like they come out on top more often than not, they are still technically in the chase for the 1 seed. Multiple players are returning from their bye week and they looked primed and ready to go for the final push. On the flip side, Love Hurts is left wondering what to do. It is never a good sign when your kicker is your leading scorer - even if they score 24 points.

Prediction: Love Hurts... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Love Hurts... WRONG!!

MAYEday (5-6) v The J-Bones 2.0 (5-6)

It is amazing to see a lineup consisting of Barkley and Kamara and they still lose. However, Chase and Jennings more than made up that difference. This week was just a good overall performance and one that should put fear into some of the top seeds. MAYEday is poised to get into the playoffs and as it stands, the past two weeks they are averaging over 130 points - not good for their next opponent (you guessed it, me). On the flip side, JB 2.0 needs to find help outside of Barkley and Kamara. Maybe make a swing for a Wide Receiver - the time to win is now.

Prediction: The J-Bones 2.0.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: MAYEday... RIGHT!!

Cocaine Cowboys (7-4) v Bootay Pirates (3-8)

There are no words other than - you can only beat who you face and it doesn't matter by how much.

Prediction: Bootay Pirates.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys... RIGHT!!

Pendulous TD's (5-6) v ARBL (3-8)

It comes to the point now, where you just kick the can and call it a season. They are still technically alive and they could make it to the playoffs by winning out and then getting some help from a few other teams. On the flip side, Pendulous looks like they are beginning to figure it out. Achane and CMC make for a terrific duo at the RB position and Burrow is getting going with the Bengals. Truthfully, there is not a lot missing from the team... look out league!

Prediction: Pendulous TD's... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Pendulous TD's... RIGHT!!

Ankle Holster (7-4) v The J-Bones (6-5)

What a matchup we have here.... a difference of exactly 1 point. Insane. Both teams had players in the Sunday Night Football game... but Herbert came away with the better performance and was able to lock up a key win for The J-Bones. On the flip side, Breece Hall had a huge week and narrowed the gap between him and Bijan. The J-Bones is now one win away from reaching that crucial 7-win mark, which is usually a good sign for making the palyoffs.

Prediction: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-7) v Connor's Stalions (7-4)

Welllllllllll if Brock Bowers isn't just a good little TE. It helps that he plays for an awful team and they will always need to throw the ball - but my goodness, that boy can make plays happen. Now, you want to talk about making plays happen... ARSB is another one of those dawgs. Which means Stalions had the highest scoring player of the week (ARSB) and the 4th highest (Bowers)... probably not a good sign for Wrinkle. A worse sign? They only scored 81 points... this is the playoff push - you gotta bring your "A" game!

Prediction: Connor's Stalions... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Connor's Stalions... RIGHT!!

With Love,

Commish

Season Predictions: 35-35

Mystery Guest: 37-33

Week 11 Predicktions

We officially are in the back third of the season, which means we are slowly going to start picking off teams. A few reminders for the league... 

A) Official Trade Deadline is November 29, 2024

B) Once a team is mathematically eliminated from the playoffs - their team is locked and they can no longer make a trade.

If you have complaints about the 2nd rule you can call my secretary and she will schedule a meeting with me - most likely on April 31st.

Teams that are in danger of being eliminated from the playoffs: ARBL and Bootay Pirates. 

Both of these teams are sitting at 3-6, which is not eliminated but it does make this week a very important week. If they were to lose, pending on the results of the other matchups there is a scenario where they could be completely eliminated. If they lose both of the next two weeks - they are on lockdown. The best way to avoid that is to win this week and stay alive in the hunt. 

ARBL Remaining Schedule: Pendulous TD's/Streamers/Cowboys/Ertz... the only team with a losing record is Pendulous and they happen to score the most points out of the four the past week. I do not envy this position... odds of making the playoffs: .2%

Bootay Pirates Remaining Schedule: Cowboys/Ertz/MAYE twiced.... a quick explanation is that each team plays every team in the first 13 weeks and the 14th week is a "rivalry" week. All in good fun, but it does make Bootay's schedule much easier and definitely a hill that could be climbed. If they can manage to get 3 of the next four, they have a chance - odds are still not in the favor: 4%.

If you want one of their players, better try to make the move now!

Week 11 Matchups

Matchup of the Week

Heat Hicks (4-6) v Ertz when Eifert (8-2)

To be honest, there are no real good matchups this week... but not pick the 1 overall seed and one of the hottest team in the league to battle it out. It doesn't help that Ertz gets Jefferson back and Heat Hicks loses Malik Nabers. The only thing I want this week is for Heat Hicks to not score in the bottom 3 teams. Truthfully, the matchups don't look great - but there is no way I am not picking Heat Hicks... gimme Bijan Robinson continuing his streak of 20+ points to 6 weeks in a row.

Predicktion: Heat Hicks

Mystery Guest: Heat Hicks

Cleveland Streamers (6-4) v Love Hurts (5-5)

Not the best week for Trey McBride to be going on the bye... it was his chance to shine against George Kittle. On top of that, they lose Tracy - who has been a sneaky good play. This is a matchup that could go either way and I like to think that the matchups and depth on Love Hurts is going to be a difference maker. If MHJ was not on bye, it would help - but both teams are struggling with this. Flipped a coin and it landed on...

Predicktion: Love Hurts

Mystery Guest: Love Hurts

MAYEday (4-6) v The J-Bones 2.0 (5-5)

This is a pretty crucial matchup for two teams right in the middle of the pack. But the record paints a very different picture than what has been happening. The J-Bones 2.0 have scored 1206 points and MAYEday has scored 1086 points. That is equates to over 13 points a week. That doesn't sound like much, but MAYEday's record would 8-2 if you added that to his total each week - it is a good amount of points. Not to mention that JB 2.0 also has the number 2 and number 4 ranked RB, they just have no WR's to go with them. No matter... JB 2.0 is putting a halt to this MAYEday playoff surge.

Predicktion: The J-Bones 2.0

Mystery Guest: MAYEday

Cocaine Cowboys (6-4) v Bootay Pirates (3-7)

This is the QB matchup I have been waiting for... Jackson v Hurts. All this talk about how good Jayden Daniels has been and that he is now entering the MVP race... give me Hurts all day. Hurts is responsible for 22 touchdowns and 12 turnovers. Jackson is responsible for 26 touchdown and 6 turnovers. Jayden Daniels is responsible for 13 touchdowns and 2 turnovers. This is the matchup to watch between scrambling QBs... and Hurts has his receivers back and they are going. It also helps that Jackson plays against Pittsburgh's defense... who happens to be the best defense in the league. Call me crazy, I like Hurts in this matchup and I like Bootay Pirates to pull off the upset.

Predicktion: Bootay Pirates

Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys

Pendulous TD's (4-6) v ARBL (3-7)

You know, when your team is already week and then it is dealing with bye-week issues.... not a good sign. ARBL is going to need to replace the number 2 QB... Baker Mayfield (who would have guessed?). They also need to replace Rachaad White... but they have open bench spots to pick-up people.... who has open bench spots in this league?!?!?!? On the flip side, Pendulous is looking stronger with CMC returning to the lineup. With CMC in the lineup, this team is a serious contender for scoring points in bunches. I really feel like this is a year when anyone could beat anyone in the playoffs... if they get this win, look out!

Predicktion: Pendulous TD's

Mystery Guest: Pendulous TD's

Ankle Holster (7-3) v The J-Bones (5-5)

One team is fighting for winning their division and a possible 1 seed by the end of the season and one team finds themselves in the middle of the pack with a stud RB and a few WR's that are coming back from injuries. If those receivers can have a big week, they could offset the advantage that AH has at RB. JB has Henry - who is the 1 running back - and he could also help with the offset. If that happens, it comes down to the rest of the lineup.... I like any defense against Las Vegas.

Predicktion: The J-Bones

Mystery Guet: Ankle Holster

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-6) v Connor's Stalions (6-4)

This is a matchup of two teams that are currently struggling, combined 2 wins in the last 11 matchups. Who will be able to correct the ship? If Collins can actually play, Stalions has a good chance of getting this win. The TNF game should be a big sign of what is to come for the week, with Stalions having Daniels and Robinson, Jr in that game. On the flip side, Wrinkle looks decent until Pacheco comes back - and that is if the Chiefs decide to not use Hunt... but why would you stop?

Predicktion: Connor's Stalions

Mystery Guest: Connor's Stalions

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, Ertz when Eifert - may your entire lineup be forced to watch an entire WNBA game filled with layups, dribbling, passing, and more layups.

With Love

Commish

Week 10 Results

When I was younger, I did a lot of dumb things. Sometimes they turned out great and it was an awesome adventure. Sometimes they failed miserably and I ended up hurt or questioning my life decisions. Sometimes they were suppose to fail... but somehow - no one got hurt. Welcome to Adam's childhood...

A) We had this exchange student, Igor Berozin (no clue how to spell his last name). He was from Ukraine and he was a very weird dude. We are talking - no peeling any fruit before he eats weird. He stayed in a room in the basement, which had drop ceilings. One night, my brother and I go to the basement and climb in the ceiling and slowly make our way to Igor's room. We move towards where we thought he would be and we were going give him a little,  "Welcome to America B*tch" greeting. Nope, this creeper was awake and waiting and to this day I will never forget him yelling at my brother in a mix of Russian (possibly) and English, "Ben - if you come down here I will break both your legs." Things should have gone terribly wrong from there... but we crawled away as little American b*tchboys do and no one go hurt and all parties moved on.

I call this the Ertz when Eifert/Cleveland Streamers/Love Hurts/PEN15 Wrinkle. Each of these teams either squeak out wins or hate their team or deal with injuries... yet somehow they still find ways to get wins and stay in the hunt.

B) This one time I was in college and I was enjoying some night time activities. If you didn't know, Huntington University is a dry campus - but that doesn't stop anyone. A past time favorite of mine was to get with some bros and head to the baseball field - jump the fence and play a midnight wiffle ball. Drinks were flowing and everyone was having a jolly good time. Especially me, because I suck at wiffle ball - but I was very good at drinking. As the night winded down we started to make our way back to the apartments - to this day, I have no clue how I got lost... but I somehow separated from the group. I walk into what I thought was my apartment.... wrong. A lovely misses walks out - I scare her half to death, then her roommates come out. I invite my friends over and we have a little nightcap with the ladies. I ended the night with another kind of a nightcap... hey oh

I call this The J-Bones/MAYEday/Cocaine Cowboys.... it wasn't suppose to work - but somehow it is. Now I know that two of these teams lost this week, but they are all in the hunt for the playoffs and there were issues/questions about their lineups from the beginning. Yet, somehow they have manage stuff the esophagus of lovely, innocent blondie.

C) When I was a sophomore in high school my brother and I had this genius idea to build a zipline across  our pond. So we started by climbing about 25 feet up in our tree and we built a platform - using a bowling pin as our hammer. Then we take five or so different ropes and tie them together... we didn't have rope long enough to go across our pond. We tie one end in the tree and one end to a Gatorade bottle that we slam shut in the back of a car and we drive the car to the other side of the pond. I then climb up to the platform take some bicycle hand bars that I found in the garage and flip them over the rope and jump. In hindsight, you would think there would be some sort of testing prior to a human subject - NOPE! The rope snaps, I plummet 25 feet through a tree and somehow manage to land feet first. Not to worry - I still paid dearly for this... broke my thumb/fractured my hand/high ankle sprain (don't know how it didn't break) and my brother thought he just watched my die. 

I call this Connor's Stalions/The J-Bones 2.0/Bootay Pirates/ARBL/Ankle Holster.... started off hot, but now what? Stalions team is in a downward spiral and quick. The J-Bones 2.0 are not far behind in that spiral. I am not sure there was ever an up for Bootay... but the down has been enjoyable to watch! ARBL has had injury issues, but nonetheless the spiral has hit hard. Ankle Holster already has a bum ankle, so I thought they would fit perfectly - plus they are going to have to pay Heat Hicks entry fee!

D) So I am dating this girl in college - she is wayyyyy out of my league. Her name is Amy and somehow I need to hatch a plan to trap her, because ain't no way I am ever going to pull someone like this and manage to get her to enjoy suppertime pleasantries in my firetruck bed. Yes, in college I found this toddler firetruck bedframe that put in my apartment and slept in it on the floor of my room. So what do I do? I come up with a plan.... I am going to get this girl pregnant and she will never me. Bang, bang two kids later and now I don't have to make dinner for the rest of my life. 

Clearly joking... or am I? But it is nice when a plan comes together, right Heat Hicks/Pendulous TD's... when you hold out on a player and then they come back and you get a nice win. Nothing feels better... especially when you are in the playoff hunt and you needed that player at just the right time. 

Week 10 Results

Matchup of the Week

Ertz when Eifert (8-2) v The J-Bones 2.0 (5-5)

Truthfully, I had to go back and look at the blog from last week - I could not believe my eyes. I had to double check the text from the Mystery Guest... it truly doesn't make sense. I actually picked Ertz to win... but I have been dogging on them for the past couple weeks. In fact, if you reread the write-up - you would think I picked J-Bones 2.0.... nope I picked Ertz. And what do you know? They play a team that scores the 2nd fewest points and they score the 4th fewest... a win is a win - but come on man! I bet next week, they come out and score 150 points!

Predicktion: Ertz when Eifert.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones 2.0... WRONG!!

Heat Hicks (4-6) v Ankle Holster (7-3)

Was there ever a doubt? Honestly, I am shocked that the Mystery Guest picked Ankle Holster... we are talking about the highest point total against the lowest point total, just an all around beatdown. Not to mention that Bijan went for nearly 30 and moved into the top 3 RB's in the league - which we know what that means! The next couple weeks will be a big tell for how the cookie is going to crumble with Puka and Bijan dealing with their bye-weeks.

Predicktions: Heat Hicks... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

Connor's Stalions (6-4) v Cleveland Streamers (6-4)

When you have Bowers/Collins/Robinson Jr. all on the bench (did not play) - it is going to be a rough week. On the flip side, it is crazy to look at Streamers lineup and see Tracy and Brown at running back. There is no way that at the beginning of the season you would have ever projected this duo to be in a starting lineup and finishing 3rd and 13th. Stalions needs to get something fixed... they need to realistically get two more wins to really feel good about making the playoffs. Streamers is a sneaky hot team... winning the second most in a row.

Predicktion: Connor's Stalions... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers... RIGHT!!

The J-Bones (5-5) v MAYEday (4-6)

You know what is crazy? MAYE won by 10 points and had Chase that scored 55 points. That ratio is not great for elongated success. It worked this week, and you can take it one week at a time - but you definitely can not count on that every week. On the flip side, this a tough loss for The J-Bones - to go against one the best individual performances in the history of the league and still have a chance to win is crazy. You would almost rather get blown out! 

Predicktion: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Bootay Pirates (3-6) v Pendulous TD's (4-6)

It has to be nice to welcome back CMC - who had a mediocre game, but still managed to score 16 points - and that is what he does for you! Everybody thought that Burrow had an amazing game on TNF (which he did) but Hurts only lost to him by 4 points... in my opinion if I could have any QB for fantasy football it would Jalen Hurts - in fact, if Bootay Pirates does happen to actually participate in the league... send me a trade with him... let's make something work!

Predicktion: Pendulous TD's... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates... WRONG!!

Love Hurts (5-5) v Cocaine Cowboys (6-4)

The run wasn't going to last forever, was it? Just didn't see it ending this week, after Lamar had that game on TNF. Even crazier is that Bills defense was Love Hurts 2nd highest scorer... next to Austin Ekeler?!?!? Also, those two combined narrowly beat Lamar... by himself. Yet, somehow the rest of Cocaine's team could not put anything together. The QB debacle continues is Love can not stay healthy after this bye-week... then you are stuck gambling between Tua and Wilson. On the flip side, Cocaine is trying to figure out which combination of pass-catchers to go with.

Predicktion: Cocaine Cowboys... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys... WRONG!!

ARBL (3-7) v PEN15 Wrinkle (4-6)

Shame on me for thinking ARBL would have something going... shame on me. On the plus side, the fantasy team ABRL could probably beat the Cowboys in a backyard flag football battle... maybe? PEN15 is probably not super pleased that CMC is back (or is he), at least in the terms of fantasy. CMC being back realistically destroys Mason's value. Still got the win this week and still keep the playoff hopes alive!

Predicktion: ARBL... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle... RIGHT!!

With Love

Commish

Season Predicktions: 32-31

Mystery Guest: 33-30

Week 9 Results/Week 10 Predicktions

I will be completely honest, I never played football at a high level. However, I understand the game pretty well. There is this one thing I will never understand though... Why do players throw punches at other players, when they still have their helmets on?

If this helmet is suppose to protect the brain from human rocket ships flying around the field, why would it not protect from a punch? It just doesn't make any sense. I will forever be on Myles Garrett side. Sure, he may have been deranged and crazy at the time - but to me he was the most sane one of the bunch. He ain't punching a helmet... he is ripping that biotch off and beating you with it.

Now, that makes sense. Props to Myles Garrett.

This week we wrap up Week 9... which leaves us with 5 weeks of the regular season left. Lets do a little breakdown of the standings and get a better look at what we are working with in the final 3rd of the regular season.

Most Likely In

Ankle Holster

Ertz when Eifert

Connor's Stalions

Cocaine Cowboys

Middle of the Pack

The J-Bones 2.0

The J-Bones

Cleveland Streamers

Love Hurts

Fighting to Get IN

Heat Hicks

ARBL

MAYEDay

Bootay Pirates

Pendulous TD's

PEN15 Wrinkle

Some quick notes...

A) Of the top 4... one team has lost 3 of the last 4 weeks and is barely averaging over 100 points in that span (Connor's Stalions). One team has had the fewest points scored against them and only sits 6th in points scored for (Ertz when Eifert). One team started off 0-3 and is now the hottest team in the league (Cocaine Cowboys). The other team is going to end up paying for my buy-in for the league when my top RB outscores his top RB (Ankle Holster).

B) In the middle.... one team has scores the most points in the league thus far (The J-Bones 2.0). One team hated their best player when they were drafted (The J-Bones). One team has been outscored by over 60 points by opponents this season (Cleveland Streamers). One team is second to last in points scored for (Love Hurts).

C) In the bottom... one team is on back-to-back weeks of not breaking 90 points (ARBL). One team will get to play Bootay Pirates in back-to-back weeks at the end of the season (MAYEday). One team has scored the fewest points in the league and also only broken 120 points once this season (PEN15). One team finishes the season playing with 3 weeks against 2 of the bottom feeder teams (Bootay Pirates). One team might be welcoming back a Mr. CMC for the remainder of the season... maybe... hopefully (Pendulous). One team is on the verge of breaking into the next level and has scored over 130 points in back-to-back weeks (Heat Hicks).

Week 9 Results

Matchup of the Week

Cocaine Cowboys (6-3) v The J-Bones 2.0 (5-4)

Ummm... this isn't fantasy football related, but Saquon Barkley is insane. If you didn't see...

Predicktion: The J-Bones 2.0.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys... RIGHT!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (3-6) v Heat Hicks (3-6)

Like I said at the top, why throw a punch at a guy with a helmet on? Most likely you will end up hurting yourself even more - it just doesn't make sense. Somebody tell that crazy Hawaiian to start thinking and either rip that helmet off or punch the other guy is peepee.

Prediction: Heat Hicks... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Heat Hicks... RIGHT!!

Cleveland Streamers (5-4) v Bootay Pirates (3-6)

It is genuinely crazy how close this matchup was... if I am the Bootay Pirates I am putting this lose on Taylor's shoulders. Don't get me wrong, the Indy offense is terrible and the team in general is just plain not good - but Taylor is supposed to be the bright spot. This was the fewest fantasy points Taylor has scored all season, and it comes at a really bad time. Unfortunate - this may be a loss that will completely crush the chances of getting any Bootay.

Predicktion: Bootay Pirates... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers... RIGHT!!

Pendulous TD's (3-6) v Connor's Stalions (6-3)

Who saw this coming??? Not only did Pendulous pull off the upset, they also happen to snag themselves a shiny new belt along the way. It does help when you have three people score over a 100 points combined (Burrow/Achane/JSN). The worse part? Pendulous gets CMC back for the remainder of the season. Now, who knows how good he will be - but even if he is a 10-15 points on average... this team just gets better. This could be a team that could make a late run for the playoffs. On the flip side, the Stalions really need to get things going or we could be looking at one of the biggest collapses.

Predicktion: Connor's Stalions... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Connor's Stalions... WRONG!!

Ankle Holster (7-2) v Love Hurts (4-5)

Not exactly the stellar week that Ankle Holster had planned - but a win is a win. And it is even sweeter when you are beating the younger brother. It is nice when you get to play the person that scores the least amount of points in the league - although Ankle probably wasn't rooting for the Love debacle to take place. Did the Packers even play on Sunday? Take it from a Colts fan, just learn to laugh - it makes the tears burn less.

Predicktion: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!

MAYEday (3-6) v ARBL (3-6)

It has to be nice to be able to get a win and still score less than 100 points. These are the weeks when you begin to wonder about the strategy you have used to assemble your team. On one hand, you have consistent players that should get you anywhere between 10-15 points a week. On the other hand, you may not have that legitimate stud that will get 20+ points week-in and week-out. Both these teams will consistently score in the 90-110 range... which might help them get some close wins, but will it help in the playoffs (should they make it)??

Predicktion: MAYEday.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: MAYEday.... RIGHT!!

Ertz when Eifert (7-2) v The J-Bones (5-3)

It has to feel good to score some big boy points right after you are called out on the blog for only winning down weeks for opponents. It does not take away from the fact that this happens to be J-Bones 2nd lowest point output, but it was a good week for Ertz. Life is nice when you know you aren't getting the best shots from people in the league... a win is a win, and we are all jealous we can't face teams that decide to have their worst weeks. At the end of the day, Ertz is 7-2 and will most likely be making the playoffs - something we are all trying to achieve.

Predicktion: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Ertz when Eifert.... RIGHT!!

Season Predicktions: 29-27

Mystery Guest: 31-25

Now time for the Predicktions....

Matchup of the Week

Ertz when Eifert (7-2) v The J-Bones 2.0 (5-4)

The real question of the matchup... can Ertz take down both J-Bones in the same season? A feat that has never been accomplished before... something that those before him will look-on in awe. It is essentially a battle of the running backs versus receivers. If you haven't been able to tell, I lean towards the running backs - call me old fashioned. I like the JB 2.0 in this matchup and it has a lot to do with Barkley and Kamara leading the way.

Predicktion: Ertz when Eifert

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Heat Hicks (3-6) v Ankle Holster (7-2)

Let's be honest... neither one of us is picking the other person. Heat Hicks needs a win and it needs to come on the shoulders of Bijan against Breece. If that happens, that helps for their playoff push and it helps for the RB's bet between the two owners. This week Ankle Holster is struggling with bye's... his entire bench is everyone on the bye and Adam Thielen - who is coming off the IR. At least Ankle Holster can say that they put their best team forward.

Predicktion: Heat Hicks

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Connor's Stalions (6-3) v Cleveland Streamers (5-4)

Which would be worse.... starting off 5-0 and spiraling to 6-4 after this week or never being able to string together 3 wins in a row? Stalions was the hottest team in the league and then everything dropped off once Nico Collins went down. However, Collins is coming back and if he can return to his normal output - this team could return back to being the team to beat... if not, you have to ask yourself - is this team that dependent on one player? On the flip side, what does Cleveland Streamers do if London or Ceedee end up being more banged up that needed? And what does Ceedee do without Dak?

Predicktion: Connor's Stalions 

Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers

The J-Bones (5-4) v MAYEday (3-6)

As much as I would like for MAYEday to win this matchup - and they actually could win this week... I still see The J-Bones on top this week. Matchups are in favor in The J-Bones players and if Najee can get 10-15 points then this team is looking good this week. On the flip side, how can a team that does not have a player outside of the PRK 40 have a 3-6 record?? It might be that outside of Chase, there is just no big banger players on the roster. This is going to be a close matchup, but The J-Bones have more favorable matchups throughout the lineup.

Predicktion: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Bootay Pirates (3-6) v Pendulous TD's (3-6)

In this battle of the bottom, whoever ends up losing is probably looking on the outside of the playoff push. This matchup really comes down to what CMC is when he comes back. If he comes back and is anything close to his old self, Pendulous would have CMC and Achane - which would be a formidable duo at RB. I can definitely see Pendulous getting a big win this week, CMC returns and give this team a final big push at the end of the season.

Predicktion: Pendulous TD's

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates

Love Hurts (4-5) v Cocaine Cowboys (6-3)

No write-up needed here... Cocaine Cowboys is the hottest team in the league. They have won 6 straight weeks and their lowest ranked player is Deandre Hopkins - who happens to be coming off his best week of the season. Look for Cocaine to keep the train rolling and leaving Love Hurts scrambling for answers as they drop even lower down the ranks.

Predicktion: Cocaine Cowboys

Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys

ARBL (3-6) v PEN15 Wrinkle (3-6)

This is another matchup between some bottom feeders and the loser is probably on the outside looking in on the playoff push. ARBL has made some interesting moves throughout the season and yet, they still have a chance to make the playoffs. McLaurin has been a huge pickup for them and will hopefully help when it comes to this week to keep their playoff hopes alive. The intriguing part with this matchup is that it will most likely feature 5 players in the same game - looks like it is going to be Tampa v San Fran in this one. San Fran wins the game and "Tampa" wins the fantasy matchup.

Predicktion: ARBL

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, Ankle Holster - may your entire lineup be forced to watch an entire WNBA game filled with layups, dribbling, passing, and more layups.

With Love,

Commish