I will be completely honest, I never played football at a high level. However, I understand the game pretty well. There is this one thing I will never understand though... Why do players throw punches at other players, when they still have their helmets on?
If this helmet is suppose to protect the brain from human rocket ships flying around the field, why would it not protect from a punch? It just doesn't make any sense. I will forever be on Myles Garrett side. Sure, he may have been deranged and crazy at the time - but to me he was the most sane one of the bunch. He ain't punching a helmet... he is ripping that biotch off and beating you with it.
Now, that makes sense. Props to Myles Garrett.
This week we wrap up Week 9... which leaves us with 5 weeks of the regular season left. Lets do a little breakdown of the standings and get a better look at what we are working with in the final 3rd of the regular season.
Most Likely In
Ankle Holster
Ertz when Eifert
Connor's Stalions
Cocaine Cowboys
Middle of the Pack
The J-Bones 2.0
The J-Bones
Cleveland Streamers
Love Hurts
Fighting to Get IN
Heat Hicks
ARBL
MAYEDay
Bootay Pirates
Pendulous TD's
PEN15 Wrinkle
Some quick notes...
A) Of the top 4... one team has lost 3 of the last 4 weeks and is barely averaging over 100 points in that span (Connor's Stalions). One team has had the fewest points scored against them and only sits 6th in points scored for (Ertz when Eifert). One team started off 0-3 and is now the hottest team in the league (Cocaine Cowboys). The other team is going to end up paying for my buy-in for the league when my top RB outscores his top RB (Ankle Holster).
B) In the middle.... one team has scores the most points in the league thus far (The J-Bones 2.0). One team hated their best player when they were drafted (The J-Bones). One team has been outscored by over 60 points by opponents this season (Cleveland Streamers). One team is second to last in points scored for (Love Hurts).
C) In the bottom... one team is on back-to-back weeks of not breaking 90 points (ARBL). One team will get to play Bootay Pirates in back-to-back weeks at the end of the season (MAYEday). One team has scored the fewest points in the league and also only broken 120 points once this season (PEN15). One team finishes the season playing with 3 weeks against 2 of the bottom feeder teams (Bootay Pirates). One team might be welcoming back a Mr. CMC for the remainder of the season... maybe... hopefully (Pendulous). One team is on the verge of breaking into the next level and has scored over 130 points in back-to-back weeks (Heat Hicks).
Week 9 Results
Matchup of the Week
Cocaine Cowboys (6-3) v The J-Bones 2.0 (5-4)
Ummm... this isn't fantasy football related, but Saquon Barkley is insane. If you didn't see...
Predicktion: The J-Bones 2.0.... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys... RIGHT!!
PEN15 Wrinkle (3-6) v Heat Hicks (3-6)
Like I said at the top, why throw a punch at a guy with a helmet on? Most likely you will end up hurting yourself even more - it just doesn't make sense. Somebody tell that crazy Hawaiian to start thinking and either rip that helmet off or punch the other guy is peepee.
Prediction: Heat Hicks... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Heat Hicks... RIGHT!!
Cleveland Streamers (5-4) v Bootay Pirates (3-6)
It is genuinely crazy how close this matchup was... if I am the Bootay Pirates I am putting this lose on Taylor's shoulders. Don't get me wrong, the Indy offense is terrible and the team in general is just plain not good - but Taylor is supposed to be the bright spot. This was the fewest fantasy points Taylor has scored all season, and it comes at a really bad time. Unfortunate - this may be a loss that will completely crush the chances of getting any Bootay.
Predicktion: Bootay Pirates... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers... RIGHT!!
Pendulous TD's (3-6) v Connor's Stalions (6-3)
Who saw this coming??? Not only did Pendulous pull off the upset, they also happen to snag themselves a shiny new belt along the way. It does help when you have three people score over a 100 points combined (Burrow/Achane/JSN). The worse part? Pendulous gets CMC back for the remainder of the season. Now, who knows how good he will be - but even if he is a 10-15 points on average... this team just gets better. This could be a team that could make a late run for the playoffs. On the flip side, the Stalions really need to get things going or we could be looking at one of the biggest collapses.
Predicktion: Connor's Stalions... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Connor's Stalions... WRONG!!
Ankle Holster (7-2) v Love Hurts (4-5)
Not exactly the stellar week that Ankle Holster had planned - but a win is a win. And it is even sweeter when you are beating the younger brother. It is nice when you get to play the person that scores the least amount of points in the league - although Ankle probably wasn't rooting for the Love debacle to take place. Did the Packers even play on Sunday? Take it from a Colts fan, just learn to laugh - it makes the tears burn less.
Predicktion: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!
MAYEday (3-6) v ARBL (3-6)
It has to be nice to be able to get a win and still score less than 100 points. These are the weeks when you begin to wonder about the strategy you have used to assemble your team. On one hand, you have consistent players that should get you anywhere between 10-15 points a week. On the other hand, you may not have that legitimate stud that will get 20+ points week-in and week-out. Both these teams will consistently score in the 90-110 range... which might help them get some close wins, but will it help in the playoffs (should they make it)??
Predicktion: MAYEday.... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: MAYEday.... RIGHT!!
Ertz when Eifert (7-2) v The J-Bones (5-3)
It has to feel good to score some big boy points right after you are called out on the blog for only winning down weeks for opponents. It does not take away from the fact that this happens to be J-Bones 2nd lowest point output, but it was a good week for Ertz. Life is nice when you know you aren't getting the best shots from people in the league... a win is a win, and we are all jealous we can't face teams that decide to have their worst weeks. At the end of the day, Ertz is 7-2 and will most likely be making the playoffs - something we are all trying to achieve.
Predicktion: The J-Bones... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Ertz when Eifert.... RIGHT!!
Season Predicktions: 29-27
Mystery Guest: 31-25
Now time for the Predicktions....
Matchup of the Week
Ertz when Eifert (7-2) v The J-Bones 2.0 (5-4)
The real question of the matchup... can Ertz take down both J-Bones in the same season? A feat that has never been accomplished before... something that those before him will look-on in awe. It is essentially a battle of the running backs versus receivers. If you haven't been able to tell, I lean towards the running backs - call me old fashioned. I like the JB 2.0 in this matchup and it has a lot to do with Barkley and Kamara leading the way.
Predicktion: Ertz when Eifert
Mystery Guest: The J-Bones
Heat Hicks (3-6) v Ankle Holster (7-2)
Let's be honest... neither one of us is picking the other person. Heat Hicks needs a win and it needs to come on the shoulders of Bijan against Breece. If that happens, that helps for their playoff push and it helps for the RB's bet between the two owners. This week Ankle Holster is struggling with bye's... his entire bench is everyone on the bye and Adam Thielen - who is coming off the IR. At least Ankle Holster can say that they put their best team forward.
Predicktion: Heat Hicks
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster
Connor's Stalions (6-3) v Cleveland Streamers (5-4)
Which would be worse.... starting off 5-0 and spiraling to 6-4 after this week or never being able to string together 3 wins in a row? Stalions was the hottest team in the league and then everything dropped off once Nico Collins went down. However, Collins is coming back and if he can return to his normal output - this team could return back to being the team to beat... if not, you have to ask yourself - is this team that dependent on one player? On the flip side, what does Cleveland Streamers do if London or Ceedee end up being more banged up that needed? And what does Ceedee do without Dak?
Predicktion: Connor's Stalions
Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers
The J-Bones (5-4) v MAYEday (3-6)
As much as I would like for MAYEday to win this matchup - and they actually could win this week... I still see The J-Bones on top this week. Matchups are in favor in The J-Bones players and if Najee can get 10-15 points then this team is looking good this week. On the flip side, how can a team that does not have a player outside of the PRK 40 have a 3-6 record?? It might be that outside of Chase, there is just no big banger players on the roster. This is going to be a close matchup, but The J-Bones have more favorable matchups throughout the lineup.
Predicktion: The J-Bones
Mystery Guest: The J-Bones
Bootay Pirates (3-6) v Pendulous TD's (3-6)
In this battle of the bottom, whoever ends up losing is probably looking on the outside of the playoff push. This matchup really comes down to what CMC is when he comes back. If he comes back and is anything close to his old self, Pendulous would have CMC and Achane - which would be a formidable duo at RB. I can definitely see Pendulous getting a big win this week, CMC returns and give this team a final big push at the end of the season.
Predicktion: Pendulous TD's
Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates
Love Hurts (4-5) v Cocaine Cowboys (6-3)
No write-up needed here... Cocaine Cowboys is the hottest team in the league. They have won 6 straight weeks and their lowest ranked player is Deandre Hopkins - who happens to be coming off his best week of the season. Look for Cocaine to keep the train rolling and leaving Love Hurts scrambling for answers as they drop even lower down the ranks.
Predicktion: Cocaine Cowboys
Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys
ARBL (3-6) v PEN15 Wrinkle (3-6)
This is another matchup between some bottom feeders and the loser is probably on the outside looking in on the playoff push. ARBL has made some interesting moves throughout the season and yet, they still have a chance to make the playoffs. McLaurin has been a huge pickup for them and will hopefully help when it comes to this week to keep their playoff hopes alive. The intriguing part with this matchup is that it will most likely feature 5 players in the same game - looks like it is going to be Tampa v San Fran in this one. San Fran wins the game and "Tampa" wins the fantasy matchup.
Predicktion: ARBL
Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle
As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, Ankle Holster - may your entire lineup be forced to watch an entire WNBA game filled with layups, dribbling, passing, and more layups.
Commish
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