Week 4 Results

Larry Bird

Muhammed Ali

Colin McGregor

Rasheed Wallace

Robert Vanderkolk

The top 5 all-time when it comes to sh*t talking. What makes some one so good at it? For some, it is the sheer confidence that they are going to take care of business. For others, it is delusional confidence. Either way, when you truly believe the nonsense that is about to come out of your mouth - you can say anything you want. 

Yes, this is getting written during the SNF game and my phone is blowing up from two fans running their mouth back and forth - annoying? Yes. Respectable? Sure. However, it is much easier to talk trash from the top of the mountain.

Those teams that can talk trash in our league? Cocaine Cowboys. Yes, they have never won the belt - but they just put a beatdown in the Match of the Week. Don't worry, I am not going to sit here and "glaze" this team - there just happens to be another team on top of the mountain. One team, that many doubted - many questioned... "How is this the top team on the D.D.A?" 

Welcome to the f*cking show. You want to run your mouth? Come and get us. Yes, I have never won this league (and most likely won't win this year)... but for now I sit atop the mountain with Cocaine Cowboys and I await the next challenger. Why bring this up now? Why bring this up when Nips barely broke 100 points?

Because the team that everyone argued with my about who should be number 1, happen to be the team that now sits 1-3 and failed to do what no one has done yet. Truthfully, if you want to get into the top of the D.D.A. - you gotta do 2 things...

A) Come to draft

B) Stay for the rankings

You don't like it? You can leave.

For now, this is a mountain top made for 2... everyone else can eat a bag of d*cks.

Matchup of the Week

Cocaine Cowboys (4-0) v Ertz/Eifert (3-1)

It doesn't hurt when you have the best RB on your team... Bijan Mustard. It also doesn't hurt when your defense scores 20, sure it was against the Browns - but Detroit looks like a true Super Bowl contender with that defense and that is a good thing for Cocaine Cowboys. CC is a team that looks primed for the long run... think about this, they just scored 133 points and that is with a double TE set. On the flip side, Ertz/Eifert was labeled as a team that was a "Pretender" - looks like they lived up to that label. They have pieces to make moves... but the question remains - Do they feel the need to make a move?

Prediction: Cocaine Cowboys... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys... RIGHT!!

Nips and Salsa (4-0) v ARBL (1-3)

You hate to see it, you really hate to see it. ARBL not only loses this week, but Tyreek has a nasty knee injury (on top of Lamar Jackson leaving his game early this week with a hamstring issue). If you missed it...

Obviously, this sucks for Tyreek and the Dolphins - but now there are some big holes in the ARBL lineup. Do they make a trade to stay relevant in the league or do they dissipate into oblivion?

Prediction: Nips and Salsa... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: ARBL... WRONG!!

Indiana Jones (1-3) v Downs Syndrome (3-1)

Some teams just have all the luck.... Downs Syndrome has Daniels and Evans not play this week and Drake Maye comes in and scores the 2nd highest point total in the entire matchup. I mean, sureeeeeee the bottom half of the lineup looks a little shaky - but hey when you can get nearly 75 points from just 3 guys.... you are sitting pretty. On the flip side, Indiana Jones needs to do something... they need wins and they need them in a hurry. They have pieces to move and bring in more depth and consistency... but is that something they are looking to do?

Prediction: 1st Downs Syndrome... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: 1st Downs Syndrome... RIGHT!!

Bootay Pirates (1-3) v Project Tush Push (2-2)

Hey, look who finally showed up to the NFL - it's Ashton Jeanty! Jeanty finally had his breakout game of the season... albeit still a lose for the Raiders - but Tush Push doesn't care! If the Packers defense doesn't give up 40 points and score -5 points, Tush Push would have broken 130 points this week! On the flip side, Bootay is going to struggle without CeeDee in the lineup - creating a domino effect of having to move players around and constantly filling holes that are never appropriately filled. One team looks good for the future.... one team looks lost... I will let you decide which one is which!

Prediction: Project Tush Push... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Project Tush Push... RIGHT!!

Slender TD's** (2-2) v BEKH (1-3)

You hate to say it, but we gave seen this before from TD's in fantasy. In 2023, they won the belt once and lead the league in scoring through the first 4 weeks. On the plus side, during that year they were able to finish 9-5 and they were able to make the playoffs. Who was on that team? Puka. Who is on this team? Puka. Who is the best WR in football right now? Puka. On the flip side, BEKH had a good week - but it just wasn't enough. They have no real answer for Burrow's injury and this is now a representation of their team - most position scoring well and the QB and kicker dragging them down.

Prediction: Slender TD's.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Slender TD's... RIGHT!!

2AP (1-3) v The J-Bones* (2-2)

What do you do if you are holding the number pick in fantasy football, he isn't injured, he is getting plenty of playing time - but he isn't scoring due to the ineffectiveness of Bengals offense without Joe Burrow? Do you trade him? Do you hold on to him? The Bengals are a bottom 5 team without Joe Burrow, but 2AP could be a team that could make a run for the playoffs - if they handle the Chase situation correctly. On the flip side, The J-Bones are quickly making a believer out of me. Will they get that type of production out of Hampton every week? Probably not - to be fair though, this happened in a game script that was not specific to running the ball. Knock on wood... The J-Bones might be the only team with 3 legitimate RB's.

Prediction: The J-Bones.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Cleveland Streamers (1-3) v AR Finger* (2-2)

Welllll.... it is hard to say it, but Streamers had the highest scoring QB and the highest scoring WR and still found a way to lose. What does that tell you? Everyone else sucked. More than half the points were scored by 2 players... even worse - three players didn't break 5 points and one those players is a long-necked Chargers receiver who suppose to have a big year. What do you do? On the flip side, AR won - but they are going to have to decide who to start? Gainwell scored 30+ points this week, but is that him blowing his load or is that him proving he is worthy of starting?

Prediction: AR Finger... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers... WRONG!!

With Love

Commish

Season: 20-8

Mystery Guest: 13-15

Week 4 Predictions

The other day I felt like I needed some time on my royal throne - Dump Time Mafia. Turns out, I was actually Ghost Pooped. We all know what that is, if not you are lying.... feel like you gotta drop some Bombs over Bahgdad, but you are just throwing out air puffs. Sometimes I really love the Ghost poops... but then I end sitting there just chilling on my throne playing some game and I think to myself, "What are you doing?"

Even though that happened, there are times when I go to my throne and I build a motha f*ckin' bridge. We have all had those... you lay that log down and it stretches across drain hole... all those little people can cross the hole and get to the other size. Sometimes when I am building a bridge I get impressed with myself. We have our own preferences, but for me that is an exit only and I get a little proud when I drop a bridge and think, "Yup, that is for real. Stand back d*cks... the location ain't for you."

Then you get those "boom boom" times when you know there is more, but it just ain't happening right know. You know you can fire away - but you just have sucked all the nutrients yet. It is not time... these Nutrient Suckers still have work to do. They are nice, but they are slight reminders that there is still some unfinished business.

Moving on from that, at one point in my life I prided myself on my ability to eat and drink and just go into that mindset of Dark Places - making myself deal with whatever pain is happening. Between eating 75 chicken nuggets (still room in the tank) to prove a point and the completing the gallon challenge - I find ways to force it down. At one point, a senior decided to challenge me in eating chicken nuggets - long story short, I end up with 500 chicken nuggets and about 9 other guys in my house. We sat down and said, "Go" and you ate until you had to stop. A certain senior was eating way to fast and there was no way he was going to keep that pace... let's just say my kids now know him as "The One who threw up."

Now... I didn't just come in here and talk about BM's to throw you off (or did I?)... but currently, we are 3 weeks into the season and it is time find out where we really fit in this league...

Bridge Builders (Real Deals)

Nips and Salsa (3-0)

Cocaine Cowboys (3-0)

1st Downs Sysndrome (2-1)

It is early, but these 4 teams are currently showing that they have the firepower to continue finding their way to the Promise Land (the playoffs). Of these teams, 2 of them are undefeated - one team has lost to one of the undefeated team. Cocaine Cowboys find themselves undefeated and the lineup has been untouched in terms of the injury bug. Nips and Salsa has one question mark at QB, but there are currently 4 QB's in the lineup - with 3 viable options and 1 long-term play. 

Ghost Poopers (Pretenders)

Bootay Pirates (1-2)

2 A.P. (1-2)

Ertz/Eifert (3-0)

The Bootay Pirates. It is wild to throw them in this group and they have a losing record... but they lead the league in scoring - and they are one CeeDee Lamb injury away from being 2-1 and feeling much better about their situation. With that being said, Croskey-Merritt's stock should have gone up due to an injury (Ekeler), but he does not have a stronghold on the job as of right now - being out touched by McNichols. With his role unstable and CeeDee going down - this team find's themselves in the Ghost Poop range until their question marks are answered. Some may ask, "Why is Ertz/Eifert a pretender?" The lineup has depth... but they are placed in a pretender status because of the results up to this point. There lineup improved with CeeDee's injury - but when he returns, Pickens value drops.

Nutrient Suckers (Still more left in the tank)

The J-Bones (1-2)

ARBL (1-2)

Project Tush Push (1-2)

Slender TD's (1-2)

These teams have the lineups that could produce a slew of wins and have found themselves in slew of 1-2 teams... but maybe they should be a little higher. ARBL and The J-Bones are teams that really stand out... obviously, J-Bones had the big week. But also, one of their losses comes against an undefeated team and with arguably the best RB in fantasy right now, who wouldn't say there isn't more left in the tank. ARBL is another team where one of their losses comes when they scored the 3rd highest point total. There is still something holding them back... if they find that out - they are in line for a big jump in the league.

Vomit Volcano (Just Plain struggling)

Barely Even Know Her (1-2)

AR Finger (1-2)

Cleveland Streamer (1-2)

Indiana Jones (1-2)

These teams are currently struggling and luckily there is 10 of the 14 teams tied at 1-2. As of right now, there is no real harm in being in this position - since we are forgiving league and so many make the playoffs (over half the league). You have time to switch something up, make a trade, make a big pickup - or a team name change. Either way... you are here for a reason and something definitely needs to change. The one team that will be noted, A.R. Finger is down here even with winning the belt once so far - but the other weeks, they failed to break 100 points. 

Matchup of the Week

Cocaine Cowboys (3-0) v Ertz/Eifert (3-0)

What a matchup in a battle for the top of the They/Them/Zed division!! Eff the normalcy, I am just writing about this headliner... From top to bottom this should be close, but there are a few intertwined teams in this battle. We have Goff and the Lions defense on one side and ARSB and Montgomery on the other side. Yes, there is the idea that ARSB is relying on Goff to throw the ball which cross-mingles... but the other side is the actual football side which involves the Detroit playing against Cleveland - and they're not bad on the defensive side of the ball. It is not often that you see a double TE fantasy lineup... but when your TE's are Hunter Henry and Trey McBride... you do your thang and throw 'em both out there!

Prediction: Cocaine Cowboys

Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys.... wins by a smidge, but we can all hope he loses right?

Nips and Salsa (3-0) v ARBL (1-2)

Well, instantly you look at what Lamar Jackson has done and think, "He is good at fantasy football." To think that he was sacked 5 times last week and he still scored 27 points and this week should be another shootout - hopefully this time he can actually use Zay Flowers. On the flip side, Gibbs needs to have a big week and so does JSN. Thankfully, Geno has shown that JSN will continually be getting fed - seeing an average of 10 targets a game.

Prediction: Nips and Salsa

Mystery Guest: ARBL... wins by a nose - can you really depend on Tua?

Indiana Jones (1-2) v 1st Downs Syndrome (2-1)

I mean, truthfully this is just an pretty unfair matchup. Downs Syndrome is just flat-out a better team... possibly top to bottom. I really don't think there is anything that Indiana Jones can do to get this victory?

Is that enough bulletin board material for the squad, Indiana Jones?

A lot of that down talk seems eerily similar to the move the Indianapolis Colts made bringing in Daniel Jones and look at them now? If not this squad pulling off the upset against Downs Syndrome, who?

Yeah... I am still picking 1st Downs Syndrome.

Prediction: 1st Downs Syndrome

Mystery Guest: 1st Downs Syndrome... big win; somebody needs to stick to tennis.

Bootay Pirates (1-2) v Project Tush Push (1-2)

It is wild to look at Tush Push's team and think, "How they are 1-2?" Hence, why they are in the Nutrient Suckers category. They have 5 positions in the starting lineup that are in the top 10 of the positional rankings. Yet, they not only are 1-2... they are also in the bottom 3 point scorers in the league. Maybe, just maybe, it has to do with the lack of firepower after Hurts. On the flip side, Bootay Pirates are Ghost Poops... just a bunch of pretenders. You are going to see it this week, when CeeDee doesn't play - you will see how fragile the ecosystem really is.

Prediction: Project Tush Push

Mystery Guest: Project Tush Push... Bootay has fallen on hard times.

Slender TD's* (1-2) v BEKH (1-2)

Remember when we talked about Depth vs. Firepower? Slender TD's has boffff of 'em. This is a team that should not be 1-2 and will definitely see their way out of the hole. MHJ will eventually wake-up (maybe), but even if he doesn't - the Flyin' Hawaiian will pick up the slack. On the flip side, something needs to change. Unfortunately, I am not sure how much checking of the fantasy team is happening by this manager - all we want is a little effort... am I right Putting Commish?

Prediction: Slender TD's

Mystery Guest: Slender TD's... a match between 2 bad teams, who really cares?

2AP (1-2) v The J-Bones* (1-2)

Josh Allen is arguably the best football player in the NFL. Truthfully, he can win a lot of games on his own - but he can't win fantasy football on his own. That is what we are looking at here... Josh Allen is better at QB and then after that, give me The J-Bones. Could this be the turn around point for The J-Bones? Could they take this past week as a launching pad and they just keep the belt all season (most likely not, but who knows). Belt or no belt... this week does not look good for 2AP.

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... football coach better rally his troops if hopes to do something that year... no statue building when it comes to Fantasy.

Cleveland Streamers (1-2) v AR Finger* (1-2)

There might not be another manager that dislikes their team more than Cleveland Streamers. AR Finger is going to hope for a week that is more like week 2 and less like weeks 1 and 3. I am intrigued to see what happens with Nabers with Dart starting at QB - not sure how high I am on this working... but hey we have been surprised before. Javonte Williams has been the pleasant surprise for AR's Finger - he could be the X-Factor for this week and the remaining weeks.

Prediction: AR's Finger

Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers... Corum comes through this week. How does an OSU fan draft a Michigan player, just doesn't seem right.

It has also dawned on me that I have been slacking with my sign-off... let me correct that ship and officially state....

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, ARBL - may your entire team be forced into a never ending loop of teaching a blind child how to ride a bike.

With Love

Commish

Week 3 Results

Annnnnddddd now it looks like the injuries are starting to pile up. Every year there is a 2 to 3 week stretch that starts to just annihilate teams for fantasy football. Between last week and this week, we are in the midst of that span...

James Conner - Done for the Season

Ceedee Lamb - 2-4 weeks... maybe more, nagging pain throughout play

Mike Evans - 2-3 weeks

Terry McLaurin - did not return to game, questionable for next week

Chris Godwin - possible return during week 4... playing through pain

Colston Loveland - did not return to game, questionable for next week

Jauan Jennings - did not play this week... still questionable for next week

Brock Purdy - return possible during week 4, questionable

Isaiah Likely - possible week 4 return, out since last season

Najee Harris - done for life

Tyrone Tracy Jr. - 2-4 weeks... could lose starting job

Joe Burrow - 3 months... IR

Tua Tagovailoa - Not injured... but probably still has CTE

There is probably more on the list that I am missing, but just think about that. There is at least 1 first round pick, 3 - 3rd round picks, 1 - 4 round pick, 1 6th round pick, 4 - 7th round picks - you could essentially create your own fantasy team out of these picks - and have a fairly good team at that.

If you want to be good at fantasy, you need some luck in avoiding this list or have enough depth to battle through it. It is a tricky thing, because you need depth to get through bye weeks - but you also need star power for when you make the playoffs.

It is like when you are out on the prowl, you see a nice blonde from across the room. What do you want? A nice rack and pretty face (starpower)? Or do you want some wild positions and lots of different "happenings" (depth)?

Personally, I am a let's switch it up kind of guy... big depth guy over here. Now, every so often you find the unicorn in the wild.... both starpower and depth, and then you wife that b*tch up and hope she doesn't go crazy in 5 years!

Matchup of the Week

Cocaine Cowboys (3-0) v A.R. Finger (1-2)

The "Key Matchup" was pretty underwhelming, and the MotW was a little underwhelming. AR went from owning the belt to scoring the fewest points the next week. Looks like someone needs to ship that thing to the Middle School (if you just bring it to me, I can get it to him). It is not going to be a good recipe for success when none of your players score over 15 points. On the flip side, Devonta Smith - the Philly number 1 receiver - breached the 20 point barrier.

There are officially 3 teams undefeated left and Cocaine Cowboys remains on that list.

Prediction:  Cocaine Cowboys... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: AR Finger... WRONG!!

1st Downs Syndrome (2-1) v Nips and Salsa (3-0)

This was the true MotW... 2 undefeated teams and two high scoring teams. Only one team scored more points than these two teams... which sucks that one of them has to lose. Remember reading the write-up for the Matchup of the Week and me stating that AR went from winning the belt to having none of his players break 15 points? 1st Downs Syndrome had everyone but one position break 10 points, and they lost?!?! Nips and Salsa is going to live and die by big weeks - this week Gibbs had a big week, scoring 26 points. If this team can find a decent WR2 - they could make a deep run in the playoffs... something this manager is not familiar with.

Prediction: Nips and Salsa... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: 1st Downs Syndrome... WRONG!!

BEKH (1-2) v Bootay Pirates (1-2)

There is just nothing to say here... other than the fact that if CeeDee doesn't get hurt on the first play... Bootay Pirates wins this matchup. Nonetheless, BEKH gets the win - Bootay has to replace CeeDee for 2-4 weeks, and hope that he comes back with any ability to play football at a high level. It not likely that Bootay moves on from CeeDee... but what do you do when your top pick is out for 4 weeks and you need wins? On the flip side, BEKH gets their first win and most of it is thanks to Geno Smith and his big week, throwing for nearly 300 yards and 3 touchdowns. Jake Ferguson also was the big benefactor of CeeDee getting hurt and all of that twists up into BEKH getting their first win.

Prediction: Bootay Pirates... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates... WRONG!! 

Indiana Jones (1-2) v Slender TD's* (1-2)

Name switch... check

Team Logo switch... check

First win... check

It was narrow and it was close, but Indiana Jones gets their first win over Slender TD's. The issue is going to be what comes next with James Conner now dealing with his injury. It does not look good for the future... but they got their win this week. On the flip side, Slender has to be asking themselves, "How did this happen?" Well, King Henry fumbled the ball for the 3rd time in 3 weeks - Butker missed a field goal and an extra point - MHJ dropped a wide open 40-yard bomb - Bengals defense scored less than zero points against a back-up QB and back-up RB - and Patrick Mahomes had to settle for for passing touchdown and less than 230 passing yards. A slew of mishaps to equate to a wild loss this week. The big question for Slender - do you move on from MHJ, and if so - what can you get for him?

Prediction: Slender TD's... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Slender TD's... WRONG!!

Project Tush Push (1-2) v 2AP (1-2)

Yet again, another narrow matchup that comes down to the MNF game. Let's start with 2AP... boy is Chase going to miss having Burrow at QB. Chase saw 6 targets, a mere 10 targets less than last week. It is funny, Judkins returns for the Browns - this team looks complete and then Burrow goes down and leave Chase looking like a fringe WR2. For Tush Push, the team's namesake had a huge week. Hurts equated for 4 touchdowns (3 passing/1 rushing) and Eagles won in a crazy blocked field goal. There are certain teams that just look really good on offense - Philly falls in that category. After that, it is looking rough - to be fair; Kraft got hurt mid-week, Jeanty has yet to have a breakout performance, Drake London has a combo of Penix and Captain Kirk throwing him the ball... I foresee some possible trades in the future.

Prediction: Project Tush Push.. RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Project Tush Push.. RIGHT!!

Ertz/Eifert (3-0) v Cleveland Streamers (1-2)

Let's just get this out of the way, Streamers is struggling to get some things going. Part of it is the Minnesota offense as a whole is a mess right now with not be able to get Jefferson the ball and part of it is the lack at the RB position. It is going to take big weeks from one or two players for them to have a chance at a win. On the flip side, Ertz remains one of the 3 undefeated teams, although they fall in the bottom half of points scored in the league - they are still beating whoever they face. It is hard to say that something needs to change for a 3-0 team - but in all reality, they could use help at the RB position. Now might be a time to try and move someone like Pickens (who could see an uptick in targets with Lamb being out for some time).

Prediction: Ertz/Eifert... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ertz/Eifert... RIGHT!!

ARBL (1-2) v The J-Bones* (1-2)

Well, well, well - looks like someone was fed up with losing and decided to take down the belt this week! The J-Bones had a huuuuuge week and it all started during the 1:00 slate of games. Minnesota and Johnathan Taylor combined for over 64 points - yes, that is right... a defense scored 32 points. It helps when that same defense scores more touchdowns than 95% of the league. Taylor is looking like the best RB in the league right now and if The J-Bones can keep this going it could get even crazier. To think that The J-Bones were less than 10 points off the top 5 weeks in the record books and that is with Jordan Love barely breaking 10 points, is wild to think about - have we seen the ceiling or could it go higher?

Prediction: ARBL... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: ARBL... WRONG!!

With Love,

Commish

Season Predictions: 13-8

Mystery Guest: 8-13

Not looking good for the Mystery Guest... I hope he knows there are drinks on the line with this season long bet?!?!? 

Week 3 Predicktions

With every good thing, there is always one flaw or one issue. Think about it... our high school football team is 3-0... but, I guarantee you there are some issues. Maybe we can't stop the pass? Maybe our offensive line is spotty... but we are good enough to cover it up and "get away" with it. 

This concept is true with everything, especially fantasy football. Take your team for example, what could you improve? Well, let's look at each team and see what they might be on the market for...

Cocaine Cowboys 

          Need: Reliable WR2, Depth at RB

          Trade Pieces: Trey McBride/Joe Mixon.... McBride represents a top notch TE... which means he may not be willing to part with him, unless getting something big in return. Joe Mixon is a long term play and if he was going to be moved, someone is going to have to take a risk on holding him for post-season run (Cocaine's most likely plan is to hold on to him for his own run).

2 A.P.

          Need: RB, Reliable FLEX option

          Trade Pieces: Sam Laporta/Tyler Warren... Currently rocking a double TE fantasy lineup, there could be some options for flipping one into a stash RB or something that could be used at the FLEX position.

A.R.'s Finger

          Need: One of the more complete teams.... Reliable RB2??

          Trade Pieces: Any of the RB's... Jaylen Warren is the most interesting prospect. Warren is not the most efficient runner, but he is fantastic out of the backfield. In today's game, catching the ball is almost more important - and Rodgers loves to dump it off when it is there.

BEKH

          Need: QB, RB2

          Trade Pieces: WR's... There is a lot of WR's depth on this team - BTJ (yet, to really get things going)/Jakobi Meyers/Emeka Egbuka/Jerry Jeudy/Quentin Johnston - all 5 of these guys are projected to score more than 12 points... Hey BEKH, you can't play 5 receivers! 

1st Downs Syndrome

          Need: TE, trustworthy FLEX

          Trade Pieces: Tough team to find pieces to trade... truthfully, not a lot of depth. Possibly Drake Maye and then rock the waiver wire for Daniels bye week... but it might take a good offer to get Maye from this SPED team.

J-Bones

          Need: RB depth/FLEX option

          Trade Pieces: Nico Collins... There is depth at WR on this team - 5 WR's projected for over 10 points, and another at 9.5. You can't play them all and other than Nico Collins - who has struggled - none of them really hold big trade value.

ARBL

          Need: FLEX, RB2

          Trade Pieces: Rhamondre Stevenson... He just had a big day, now might be the time to flip him for something more reliable at FLEX. He could eventually lose his bell cow status with Treyveon Henderson also in NE backfield... might need to strike while the iron's hot. Also, maybe throw him in the lineup and consider dealing Pollard - who has yet to break the 10 point barrier.

Indiana Jones

          Need: FLEX.... how is this team 0-2?

          Trade Pieces: Josh Jacobs... not the answer this team wanted to hear - but in order to bring in firepower, you have to lose some firepower. There is not a lot of depth on this team and the bye weeks are going to hurt... in order to even make the playoffs, this team is going to need to switch some things up and try and gather some depth.

Cleveland Streamers

          Need: RB2, WR (wild to say, but the debacle in Minnesota is killing Jefferson)

          Trade Pieces: WR.... I know this is weird to say, when I also said it was need - buuuuuttttt, Jefferson still has the big name/big play status and things might change with the new QB. After that, Moore/Tetairo/Ladd all represent decent play or decent names - but one has to sit, could try to flip for a better RB2.

Ertz/Eifert

          Need: Firepower outside of ARSB

          Trade Pieces: Jordan Addison... Depth is an issue at this moment, but with Jordan Addison coming back - he represents an interesting trade prospect. There are 2 options, hold on to him and see if he can help the air attack issues in Minny or trade him away just before he comes back and allow the intrigue to bring bigger value.

Bootay Pirates

          Need: RB2, reliable depth

          Trade Pieces: Travis Kelce... Still a big name in the football realm and you have Zach Ertz as a backup (who has outperformed Kelce). Kelce could bring in a reliable RB2, this team looks like a playoff team and just needs to continue to look to add firepower for a future run.

Tush Push

          Need: RB2, Firepower

          Trade Pieces: Jalen Hurts... nobody likes trading their top QB... but if you want to add firepower or get a legit RB2 then you can trade away a piece that you have a decent backup (A Rodgers). The issue would be trading away the player that team's namesake is for.

Slender TD's

          Need: WR2, FLEX options

          Trade Pieces: Breece Hall... assuming that Derrick Henry is not getting traded - Breece Hall brings tremendous trade value at this point in the season. He could help bring in a legitimate WR and give this team some movable pieces for the lineups.

Nips and Salsa

          Need: QB, RB depth

          Trade Pieces: Jameson Willaims/Courtland Sutton/Cooper Kupp... both represent great value at WR2 and could even solidify some lineups for a future run... come and get them boys!

Now, the interesting thing with making a trade - obviously, you are making a trade thinking that you are getting the better end of the deal. However, they also have to think that they are getting a good deal - which may require you get rid of some of your better pieces. You will seldom find a trade partner that works perfectly with everything you want - be prepared to give a piece to get a piece.

Matchup of the Week

Cocaine Cowboys (2-0) v *A.R.'s Finger (1-1)

Key Matchup: Bijan Robinson v Javonte Williams... What a surprise J-Will has been for the Cowboys and for Mr. Finger. Truthfully, that is what it takes - one good surprise pick and all of the sudden your team is in the money. There are only 2 RB's ranked higher than Javonte and neither of them sound like a mustard. However, would anyone really trade Bijan for Javonte? I know I wouldn't... nonetheless... Williams has made this week3 matchup an interesting one!

Cocaine X-Factor: Devonta Smith... some might say the Eagles number 1 receiver? Smith has the potential for big plays and stretching the field, we just haven't seen it yet. This week does present a nice opening with a weaker LAR secondary and some possibility for some downfield shots. The script needs to be in favor of Philly throwing the ball and if so - look for shots down field.

Finger X-Factor: Russell Wilson... hear me out, Wilson does not play for this fantasy team - but Malik Nabers does. If Nabers is going to have a good week - then Nabers is going to have a good week. Wilson is known as a gunslinger these days and Nabers is a fantastic pass catcher. KC's defense has not been stellar - but they do have a decent pass rush... these two need to hook up a few times and it could create a good week for Nabers.

Prediction: Cocaine Cowboys

Mystery Guest: A.R.'s Finger... "Cocaine Cowboys? Drugs don't pay."

1st Downs Syndrome (2-0) v Nips and Salsa (2-0)

First off, this is the only 2-0 matchup and should probably be the Matchup of the Week - but I didn't want to put my own team in the MotW for 3 straight weeks...

Key Matchup: Rome Odunze v Jameson Williams... These two represent big weeks and little weeks. The plus for Rome... they have a much easier matchup in terms of defensive opponents. The plus for Jameson, he should see 1-1 coverage a lot and most likely will not matchup against Baltimore's top secondary. These two could score 30 points and they could score 10 points, whichever one decides to have a big week could be the deciding factor for the matchup.

Downs X-Factor: Ricky Pearsall... I have been giving this guy grief in the early season about Ricky, but truthfully things could not be looking better for Ricky. Except the fact that Mac Jones and not Brock Purdy will be throwing the ball. Pearsall does present himself as one of the top receivers for San Fran right now and Mac Jones is truly not that bad of a backup. Look for Pearsall to get 7/8 targets and turn that into more than 10 points.

Nips X-Factor: Kyren Williams... Philly is a good defensive teams, but they have given up a nearly 250 rushing yards in 2 games. This does present some opportunity for the Star Wars hero to have a good week. Kyren can be a focal point for the LAR offense (behind Puka), and should be the bell cow rusher. Nips needs a decent showing from Kyren to stay undefeated.

Prediction: Nips and Salsa

Mystery Guest: 1st Downs Syndrome... "Making a statement at 3-0 after this matchup"

BEKH (1-1) v Bootay Pirates (1-1)

Key Matchup: De'Von Achane v James Cook... Achane has been healthy thus far, but the Miami offense looks lost with Tua still looking like he is knocked out every game. Luckily, Achane has been the benefactor of Tua unable to throw the ball downfield. Cook is currently the number 1 RB and is the game goes the way it should - he should see plenty of touches. These two play each other and the Bills are heavily favor... look for a game script in favor of Cook late in the 2nd half.

BEKH X-Factor: Brian Thomas Jr... we are still waiting for the BTJ explosion. Last season, BTJ scored 20+ points in the last 4 games of the season. BTJ has yet to break 10 points this season and is currently questionable... but that doesn't mean this isn't the week that he shows up. Let's be honest, there aren't many players that can be reliable pass catchers for Jax - he is going to keep getting targets.

Bootay X-Factor: Jacory Croskey-Merritt... there is a reason why Washington traded Brian Robinson Jr. However, JCM did not show it last week. This rookie has the potential to be a big part of the Washington offense, he just hasn't shown it. If he has a good week (against the lowly Raiders rushing defense), this matchup is tilting in favor of Bootay.

Prediction: Bootay Pirates

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates... by a bunch!

Indiana Jones (0-2) v *Slender TD's (1-1)

Key Matchup: Daniel Jones v Patrick Mahomes... who would have thought that Indiana Jones is currently ranked higher than Mahomes - not me. Indiana Jones might just be the best Indy QB since Johnny Unitas. Plus, Jones gets to go against Tennessee and well, we have all seen how good Tennessee is. However, on the flip side of this matchup is arguably the 2nd greatest QB to throw the ball (yeah, I said it). The Giants just gave up nearly 400 yards to Prescott... could this be a repeat?

Jones X-Factor: Daniel Jones... I know he is the Key Matchup already, but with the team name change - it just felt right.

Slender TD's X-Factor: Marvin Harrison Jr...we are waiting for MHJ to actually become apart of the offense in Zona. He is too good to get this few of targets. Right now, through 2 weeks MHJ has just over 11 targets... that needs to be the number that he gets in one game. If San Fran plays the way they should, this should be a good game script for Zona to throw the ball - something in favor of MHJ.

Prediction: Slender TD's

Mystery Guest: Slender TD's... "Depending on Daniel Jones isn't going to get Indiana Jones many wins."

Project Tush Push (0-2) v 2 A.P. (1-1)

Key Matchup: Jalen Hurts v Josh Allen... both of these QB's are top fantasy options and both could have big weeks. The question is whether or not Philly will resort to the all-world RB (Barkley) to run the ball or will they let Hurts get himself some carries. On the plus side, Hurts should see a few Tush Pushes around the goal line. Oh and by the way, Josh Allen is currently the best NFL player in the league. 

Tush Push X-Factor: Ashton Jeanty... Yes, I did just trash him about last week - but he has the potential and moves to make big plays. He does go up against a Washington defense that has played fairly well against the run, but to be honest he is one of the focal points of the offense. Look for Jeanty to get 15+ touches and few receptions this week. - he just needs to find the endzone.

A.P.'s X-Factor: Jaylen Waddle... Waddle had a decent week last week, nearly scoring 20 points. However, the week before he scored 7 points. So the question is, what Waddle will we get this week? Will Tua wake up from his QB Coma and be able to push the ball? As of right now, things are not looking great and now they are playing Buffalo - but let's be honest, Buffalo's defense has not looked stellar. They have been leaning on the offense to win games, could be a good recipe for Waddle to have a good week.

Prediction: Project Tush Push

Mystery Guest: Project Tush Push... "2 A.P. is in desperate need of a RB!"

Ertz/Eifert (2-0) v Cleveland Streamers (1-1)

Key Matchup: Justin Jefferson v ARSB... this would be a much better matchup is the Vikings knew what they had in Jefferson. It is a confusing team to watch - there is no real urgency to get the ball in the hands of their best playmaker. Jefferson seems to get lost for entire quarters at a time. However, Carson Wentz is now under center and say what you will about winning games (not good at it) - he is definitely going to come in looking to throw the ball. Jefferson might benefit the most from this switch (due to injury). Oh yeah, ARSB is really, really good at catching the ball and finding open space - like really good.

Ertz X-Factor: George Pickens... Dak threw for nearly 400 yards last week and Pickens scored nearly 20 points. This week Dallas takes on Chicago... do I need to spell it out anymore than that?

Streamers X-Factor: Tetairo McMillan... this is the most African first name there is... like true tribe African name. With that being said, Tet looks like the number 1 receiver in Carolina - not that is saying much. This team needs some kind of spark to really get things going... Tetairo is probably their best chance (outside of Minny figuring it out).

Prediction: Ertz/Eifert

Mystery Guest: Ertz/Eifert... by a bunch, not even close

ARBL (1-1) v The J-Bones (0-2)

Key Matchup: Tyreek Hill v Nico Collins... both of these receivers seem to be a little slow out the gate, but this could be the week for one of them to get it going. Tyreek Hill is always on the verge of having a big week - but Miami needs to figure out a way to get him the ball and let him work. Nico should be feasting right now with Tank Dell injured... and if he doesn't get it going this week - then we have some serious problems. Houston takes on J-ville... this could be a battle for 2nd in the AFC south - lean on Nico to get you where you need to be!

ARBL X-Factor: Zay Flowers... one receiver who has not been slow out of the gate is Zay Flowers. Flowers is the clear number 1 receiver in Baltimore and he is averaging 20 points a week. Detroit is a good football, but they just want to outscore you - which could mean a big week for Flowers as these two offenses battle it out. 

J-Bones X-Factor: Kenneth Walker... Last season, KWIII started off amazing - this season, ehhhhhh. The Seahawks have turned into a committee in the backfield and that hurts KWIII. However, if he can show the flashes like last season - he should be in position to score big this week. Kenneth also is the best receiving back that Seattle has - which only means more opportunity and more points.

Prediction: ARBL

Mystery Guest: ARBL... J-Bones go 0-3 to start the season

With Love

Commish

Week 2 Results

The NFL season is officially back... yes, I know this is week 2 and it has been "back." But has it? 

There were a total of 706 points scored in week 1.

There were a total of 797 points scored in week 2.

Doesn't sound like that much? Let me put it this way....

Week 1 provided 5 teams scoring over 30 points.

Week 2 provided 9 teams scoring over 30 and 3 of those teams scored over 40.

Week 1 provided 3 games with at least 1 QB throwing over 300 yards.

Week 2 provided 7 games with at least 1 QB throwing over 300 yards.

Week 1 provided 3 games with at least 1 100 yard rusher.

Week 2 provided 4 games with at least 1 100 yard rusher.

Fantasy wise...

Total points scored in week 1 = 1455.58

Total points scored in week 2 = 1614.06

We are finally back. This is like when your buddy brings home a lovely lady and you look at her and you think - "What the hell are you doing with her?" and he's all like, "Dude, last one I could find... at this point, I don't care." Week 1

But then.....

In the morning, you get a better look and she is an absolute smoke show. She even got early, made the whole apartment eggs and toast and crawled back into bed your bro for a little morning sesh. Week 2

I call that the Reverse Goggles - a true unicorn in the wild... only stumbled across it once, I was not the lucky enough guy... but I did enjoy the eggs and toast.

Matchup of the Week

*Slender TD's (1-1) v Nips and Salsa (2-0)

Jahmyr Gibbs is a straight dawg. He is a as consistent as they get and you can always count on him to score at minimum 15 points. On the flip side, King Henry had an off day... but he is still averaging 15 points a week. Which begs the question: Would you rather have a player that will score 30 points one week at less than 5 points the next week or a player that will average 16/17 points a week? Jamo did his job as the X-Factor... and so did Dobbins on the flip side. The big additional help for Nips was Njigbas at night... don't ever 2nd guess a light-skinned brotha playing a dark skinned sport!

Prediction: Nips and Salsa... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Slender TD's... WRONG!!

2AP (1-1) v Bootay Pirates (1-1)

This matchup did not come down to the "Key Matchup" this week... instead Chase started to do Chase things. We are all going to have to be worried moving forward that the tandem of Chase and Waddle coul.... Hold on, my inside source is giving me some information on the Burrow situation as I type...

Burrow is officially out for 3 months... forget the being worried thing, Jake Browning is now the starting QB. Browning is a player that has been waived and practice squaded all his caree.... Hold on, my inside source is telling me that this kid a gun slinger. We should all still be worried.

Prediction: 2AP... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates... WRONG!!

Cleveland Streamers (1-1) v Cocaine Cowboys (2-0)

Just how the Key Matchup went is just how this entire matchup went. The first defense selected, and by a manager that typically follows the rule of not drafting a defense until the end of the draft, put up a real dud this week. The big question - is there a point in time when you have to let them go? Giving up -5 points to a team that doesn't even score 30 points in the the NFL means that you are not generating any turnovers or sacks... and you are giving up yards in bunches. On the flip side, it was a revenge game that became the X-Factor... I just had the wrong one selected. Goff put up the middle finger to former offensive coordinator, Ben Johnson, and decided to hang a 50 bomb on his head.

Prediction: Cocaine Cowboys... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers... WRONG!!

The J-Bones (0-2) v 1st Downs Syndrome (2-0)

For as much of a stud as Johnathan Taylor is... is seems that our questions marks on Omarion Hampton were spot on thus far. When Taylor beats out CMC in the "Key Matchup" and you still lose the matchup... it is a tough pill to swallow. But there is really only reason why... all roads lead to Rome!! I was told at the beginning of the season to look-up for Rome Odunze as a breakout player... but I just refuse to get on board. I might have to train hop here soon, because Chicago is going to be losing in the 2nd half a lot and that means a game script for throwing the ball. It is wild that these teams are on the opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of standings, but this matchup only ended up 5 points away from each other.

Prediction: 1st Downs Syndrome... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: 1st Downs Syndrome... RIGHT!!

*AR Finger (1-1) v Deez Lutz (0-2)

Seems like Shia LaBeouf might be the ticket for AR's Finger! All they needed was a little pep talk and then... BOOM... you are a belt winner! First time league member and he now holds the belt by week 2... 

Good Morning Bluffton High School, this League Commish with an Inspirational Insight.

As my favorite philosopher, Aubrey Graham once said, "Started from the bottom, now we here. Started from the bottom, now the whole team here." 

It just goes to show, anybody can do anything.

With an inspiration insight, this is League Commish... you be you, because everyone else is taken!

Prediction: AR's Finger... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: AR's Finger... RIGHT!!

ARBL (1-1) v Project Tush Push (0-2)

When one RB is the the former rushing champion and the other RB is a highly touted rookie who can't seem to get passed his own lineman... things are not going to go well. A few of my favorite plays from Week 2.....

To be fair, Jeanty had a few other decent runs... but when you are selected in the 1st round of a fantasy draft - you better be putting up some numbers. You know who is a stud? Lamar Jackson. Possible MVP season incoming?

Prediction: ARBL... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: ARBL... RIGHT!!

Barely Even Know Her (0-1) v Ertz/Eifert (2-0)

You know who Ben Johnson doesn't have in Chicago? An Egyptian Pharaoh. ARSB is one of the premier WR's and he is playing in an offense that will score points and give him plenty of opportunity. This is the recipe for big weeks like this one. You know who BEKH doesn't have anymore? Joe Burrow. You know who BEKH's backup is currently? Geno Smith. Time to open the trading block... unless you really want to work the waiver-wire... but that is not highly recommended. On the plus side, you have pieces that could be moved to get yourself a big time QB. Just be ready... the trades are coming, whether you like it or not.

Prediction: BEKH... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: BEKH... WRONG!!

With Love

Commish

Season Prediction: 9-5

Mystery Guest: 6-8 

Week 2 Predicktions

I am not going to lie to you, I am starting to write this during my lovely Wednesday morning meeting - anyone else enjoy their team meetings as much as I do? Just a list of successes that I have accomplished today....

A) Turned off a blaring alarm in Thompson's office - no clue why it was going off

B) Words spoken out-loud: 0 (my most proud accomplishment)

C) I have looked up from my screen a few times, does that count as paying attention?

D) Squeaked out a few stank bombs without anyone noticing... sorry 'bout ya back row!

Things that could have truly been accomplished in the same amount of time as this meeting that involved a lot talking and not a lot of doing....

A) The creation of 3 babies... maybe even 4 or 5

B) A quick game of chess while losing some weight on the porcelain toilet

C) Our famed biology teacher might be able to run 1 mile.... but that is going to be close

D) You could always rewatch the "My Year" video a few times

Options... this world is full of options. Enough rambling, let's get to why you are here....

Matchup of the Week
*Slender TD's (1-0) v Nips and Salsa (1-0)

Key Matchup: Derrick Henry v Jahmyr Gibbs... this is the current number 1 RB (Henry) against last year's number 1 RB (Gibbs). This week Henry goes against a much tougher Cleveland defense, which held a powerful Cincy offense in check for most of the game. The plus side for Henry - he shredded the Buffalo Bills and looked like he was 22 again. Also, I heard on a podcast the other day that Henry still has more rushing yards in high school then he does in the NFL. You tracking that? More yards in 4 years of high school than in 9 years of the NFL. Gibbs is good.

Slender X-Factor: Engram/Dobbins... this Denver duo is playing against the Indianapolis defense. A couple of shocking things happened last week... Denver looked out of sorts on offense and Indy looked on point on defense. What we don't know is if those things are true or if they were just rust/fallacies of a week 1 showing. How Engram and Dobbins respond in week 2 will not only be crucial for the Denver offense, but also how deep this Slender lineup actually goes.

Nips X-Factor: Jameson Williams... the Detroit offense as a whole looked awful last week. Which makes one of two things correct; Ben Johnson made the Lions what they were or the Green Bay Packers have a legit defense with Micah Parsons. Either way, Jameson Williams could be a key factor to jump starting the offense - he is a legitimate deep threat receiver and he can space the field for other playmakers. However, it doesn't work if the Lions don't have time for him to develop downfield. 

Prediction: Nips and Salsa

Mystery Guest: Slender TD's.... "I like Titties.... the team name is off-putting, but titties for the win"

2AP (0-1) v Bootay Pirates (1-0)

Key Matchup: Josh Allen v Justin Herbert.... is this the battle of the top white QB's? Chargers took on the Chiefs last week and Herbert outplayed Mahomes. Josh Allen is so good at football... he may as well be black. These QB's will now be duking it out on the Fantasy field and I am looking forward to seeing who takes the crown for baddest white boi under center.

2AP X-Factor: Ja'Marr Chase... just call it what it is.... Chase needs to play better. Now, it isn't every week that he will go against Cleveland's defense... so we are safe to assume that everything will revert back to normal for the number 1 pick in fantasy. Look for Chase to have a big week and reclaim his crown as the top wideout.

Bootay X-Factor: Travis Kelce... You might call him old. You might call him long-toothed. You could also call him Taylor Swift's b*tch. Either way, the man needs to have a big game. Xavier Worthy is out for the foreseeable future and the KC offense will be relying on Kelce and Hollywood Brown for the next few weeks. Kelce could lead all TE's if he is able to get into the endzone.

Prediction: 2AP

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates... "Pirates by a mile.... but it really it will be close"

Cleveland Streamers (1-0) v Cocaine Cowboys (1-0)

Key Matchup: Denver v Rams.... I know, I know, it is a defense battle and that is kind of boring for a Key Matchup. However, hear me out.... Denver DEF scored 16 points last week; which would place them as the 16th QB, 13th RB, 20th TE, 1st TE. Essentially, Denver DEF would be a playable roster spot anywhere. Who did Denver play in week 1? Tennessee. Who do the Rams play in week 2? Los Angeles Rams.

Streamer X-Factor: Justin Fields... Fields is a scrambling QB that resembles none other than Lamar Jackson. The NY Jets offense has a stud wide receiver, stud running back, and a scrambling QB. So does the Baltimore offense. Fields is playing the same team that Baltimore played last week. That either means that Fields could have a big day orrrrrrr Buffalo had a practice round and should be more prepared - this is going to be a big tell for how this matchup plays out.

Cowboys X-Factor: DK Metcalf... DK is on his revenge tour this week. He is now playing his former team and will be looking to make a statement. Nobody knows more about a statement being made more than Aaron Rodgers (who just made a revenge statement in week 1). Look for this team to try and feed DK and allow him to make some plays against his former team.

Prediction: Cocaine Cowboys

Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers... "Better name, Better players, Better man"

The J-Bones (0-1) v 1st Downs Syndrome (1-0)

Key Matchup: Johnathan Taylor v CMC... a couple stud running backs that are going to be battling it out for being a top running back each week. CMC is currently healthy and when he is healthy - he is the top running back in the league. How long until he isn't healthy? Nobody knows, but he is healthy now. Taylor is a stud and if the Indy offense stay hot like it was in week1... he is going to have plenty of opportunity to put up some big points.

J-Bones X-Factor: Kenneth Walker III... it was very odd seeing Seattle become a complete timeshare and even ceding more carries to a nice glass of Charbonnett. KWIII needs to return to the powerhouse that he was last year (before injury). He may still be dealing with injury or Seattle may be wanting to save the backs for a late playoff push. Either way, KWIII needs to see some more opportunities and need to see some of those opportunities around the endzone.

Downs X-Factor: Jayden Daniels... Jayden was labeled as the "Poor Man's Lamar" last season aaaaannnnndddd then he was no longer the "Poor Man's." Jayden is a fantasy football stud - scrambling QB that is also comfortable throwing the ball. It actually might be what is to come with the new generation of QB's - QB's who can make any throw, but also can run and make plays with their legs. Daniels has a tough matchup with a tough Green Bay, which may require Daniels to run a little more.

Prediction: 1 Downs Syndrome

Mystery Guest: 1st Downs Syndrome... "Downs by a bunch. May be playing the worst team in the league"

AR Fingers (0-1) v Deez Lutz (0-1)

Key Matchup/X-Factors: I am going to couple everything into one summation for this matchup. These two teams are 2 of the bottom 4 scoring teams in week one. These teams are also both projected to finish in the top 5 teams this week - in fact, they make the highest projected matchup scoring wise between the two teams. Soooooo essentially, these teams need to either figure their sh*t out - because scoring 30-40 points under the projections just ain't gonna get it done. This is my pep talk to your teams.... 

Prediction: Anthony Richardson's Finger

Mystery Guest: AR Finger.... "Two bad teams, but someone has to win. Bo Nix makes the difference"

ARBL (0-1) v Project Tush Push (0-1)

Key Matchup: Saquon Barkley v Ashton Jeanty... Last year's rushing champion vs this year's ROTY favorite. Jeanty found the endzone in week 1 and Barkley found the endzone in week 1. Jeanty had 19 carries in week 1 and Barkley had 18 carries in week 1. Jeanty and Barkley will be given roughly the same amount of opportunity... who will take advantage of the opportunities?

ARBL X-Factor: Lamar/Zay Connection... things could not have gone much better for this duo (outside of not winning the game) in week 1. Cleveland should pose a much tougher test and it will be a good tell for this Baltimore team. Fantasy wise, they would love to see the same connection ignite - but they definitely want to avoid being the 2025 Cincinnati Bengals and lose games scoring 40 points a game. ARBL don't care... lose them all - just keep scoring 40!

Tush X-Factor: Matthew Golden... a projected stud at wide receiver. The game script did not lend toward Golden's fantasy output being a postiive outlook. Green Bay was manhandling Detroit and they game plan seemed to be more suited towards keep the ball out of Goff's hands. Golden does look good, his issue is going to be which WR is going to be the stallion in a busy stable. 

Prediction: ARBL

Mystery Guest: ARBL... "Lloyd is finally focused. Post nut clarity is a real thing."

Barely Even Know Her (0-1) v Ertz/Eifert (1-0)

Key Matchup: Burrow v Baker.... If Herbert v Allen is the top battle for the best white QB in the league.... Burrow v Baker is not that far behind. Just imagine what I just typed... Baker Mayfield is now in an argument for being one the top white QB's in the league. Baker Mayfield. The same Baker that ran from the cops while handcuffed in Oklahoma. The same Baker that might be more famous his commercials than his football during his time in Cleveland. Eff it... give me the gapped toothed warrior - this guy sounds awesome!

BEKH X-Factor: Emeka Egbuka... ironic that BEKH's x-factor is reliant on Ertz/Eifert's QB to throw him the ball. What a wacky world we live in.

Ertz/Eifert X-Factor: Chase Brown... ironic that Ertz/Eifert's x-factor is reliant on BEKH's QB to hand him the ball. What a wacky world we live in.

Prediction: Barely Even Know Her

Mystery Guest: Barely Even Know Her... "Best matchup of the week. Better QB"

With Love

Commish 

Week 1 Results

If you don't know by now, I have two kids - a boy who thinks like I think and a girl who acts like me... neither of which are super desirable traits. Every so often, we tend to get along and do some family "things" - ritual sacrifices, zoot palace, Jungle Book tree climbing, fridge hopping, and our all-time favorite yard pooping.

Don't. Knock. It. Till. You've. Tried. It.

Well, one day (when they were little) we were watching this Disney movie, Zombies. If you haven't seen it, it is a lovely flick about a town that hates zombies, but they are allowed in the public school, one joins the football team, does really well, makes a cheerleader fall in love with him, yada yada yada - it is essentially Remember The Titans only they have upgraded the black characters to zombies.

Anyways, amidst my wanting to blow my brains out while this movie is taking place - a phenomenon happens. A song plays, that is corny as hell, but I believe the song applies to about half the teams so far (more specifically my team)...

I trust that you watched the whole video... Odds for who watched the whole video are as follows...

Atkins: 2 to 3 - naturally, I even know the dance

Lloyd: 2 to 1 - I expect to know the dance by Sunday

Kunkel: 5 to 1 - younger kids, a couple girls - you just never with a girl dad

Bebout: 9 to 1 - I think he would make his entire 8th grade class sit and watch this gem

Koty: 4 to 1 - new guy, probably thinks that nothing should be skipped

Taylor: 5 to 1 - odds would be lower, but always seems like he has too much sh*t that needs done

Abbett: 4 to 1 - seems like the kind of guy, who hates to stop halfway through videos

Baxter: 7 to 1 - seems like the guy that would watch this and learn the dance with his wife, but she is out of commission for a while

Schwartz: 11 to 1 - odds are boosted higher because it is tennis season and he could care less right now

Vandy: 3 to 1 - there has to be some kind of allegory in here that you could use in class

Ribich: 5 to 1 - he might have to check the videos all the way through for anything that needs turned in

Linton: 2 to 3 - he has already seen the movie and is a Zombie groupie

Grieser/Price: 1000 to 1 - both of these two probably don't even know that the blog is a thing

So yes... this is MY YEAR! Let me just explain... do you know the last time a fantasy team with some form of cock in its name won week 1? 2020. You know the last time that same team beat The J-Bones in week 1? Never. The past 4 week 1 matchups have been against The J-Bones... and every time The J-Bones have won. UNTIL NOW.... this is MY YEAR!!

Matchup of the Week
Nips and Salsa (1-0) v The J-Bones (0-1)

Let's be honest, not the best showing from The J-Bones... lost the Key Matchup, X-Factors combined for under 15 points as a stack, and was lowest scoring team in the league this week. The bright side? It is only week 1... and the Colts won! On the flip side, Sutton won the Key Matchup, and Nips' X-Factor only had 6.6 points - which leaves room for some big improvement. Call it what you want (lucky opponent), but chalk that one up for the Nips!

Predicktion: Nips and Salsa... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: J-Bones... WRONG!!

Cleveland Streamers (1-0) v 2AP (0-1)

This turned out much closer than it looked like it was going to be, thanks to Josh Allen's 4th quarter heroics... but it almost looked lost for the Steamers, until JJ McCarthy remembered how to play football. In the Key Matchup, LaPorta edged out Kittle - but Kittle was sidelined due to an injury in the game. The even worse part? Kittle is going to be out for 3-5 weeks... leaving a big hole in the lineup. The X-Factor for 2AP was Chuba and he stepped up - but who would have thought that Chase would struggle as bad as he did. If you had to finger point, not that it is a good thing - but there are many fingers pointing at Mr. Chase and his 2 receptions. I mean, it isn't like Jefferson lit it up on the other side, but he did outscore Chase by 10 points... maybe Chase wasn't the play with the number 1 overall pick.

Predicktion: 2AP... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: 2AP... WRONG!!

*Slender TD's (1-0) v AR's Finger (0-1)

What a belt worthy performance! Breece Hall won the Key Matchup against Jaylen Warren, and Marvin Harrison Jr outscored his projection. Even crazier? Slender had -7 points from their defense and still won the belt this week? On the flip side, who would have thought that Bo Nix would look like that in week 1 against the Titans?!?!? Painful, just downright painful. ARF had only player out score their projection... and TD's had 2 play not reach their projections. A recipe for disaster...

Predicktion: AR Finger... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Slender TD's... RIGHT!!

Bootay Pirates (1-0) v ARBL (0-1)

You know, there might be something to not coming to the draft party... the two highest scoring teams are the longest standing members to not show up to the draft party - what the f*ck? Kelce won the Key Matchup and Garrett Wilson had a big game for the NY Jets (against the Pittsburgh defense, might I add). Not to mention that Justin Herbert looked more Patrick Mahomes than Patrick Mahomes did. Everything was rolling for Bootay this week... and truthfully, it was rolling for ARBL. ARBL scored the 3rd highest points this week and is still taking the loss. You want to know how you prevent that? You score the highest!

Predicktion: ARBL... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates... RIGHT!!

Cocaine Cowboys (1-0) v BEKH (0-1)

What do the fantasy football Cowboys and the Indianapolis Colts have in common? They win games using cocaine as motivation. Don't believe me? The Colts won week 1... handily... thanks to celebrating their former late owner Jim "Cocaine" Irsay. The C. Cowboys lineup is listed with known coke addicts... Jared Goff? He talks about it on the Quarterback show on Netflix. Trey McBride? We all know you can't play TE in the NFL without a little coke before the game. Alvin Kamara has his septum pierce... I mean, he might as well just tell the entire world. And do I really need to get into the copious amounts of cocaine that the nostrils of DK Metcalf has consumed?!?!?

Predicktion: BEKH... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: BEKH... WRONG!!

1st Downs Syndrome (1-0) v Tush Push (0-1)

If you name your team name Tush Push... Jalen Hurts better have a good season. Oh trust me, he started strong - his usual ways of 2 rushing touchdowns. After that? Swing and miss. Matthew Golden looked good on the opening drive, but then J. Love spread the ball around and the Packers didn't need much offensive work to be done that day. The Tush Push is going to need to have more help throughout the lineup... on the flip side, CMC is healthy (for now) and hopefully he can stay that way. J. Daniels is going to put together a stat line this is always similar to what he did in week 1, give or take a few touchdowns. The big thing for Syndrome is whether or not CMC can stay healthy all season long.

Predicktion: 1 Downs Syndrome... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Project Tush Push... WRONG!!

Deez Lutz (0-1) v Ertz when Eifert (1-0)

Some might say that this explanation is short because it is the last one. Some might say that this explanation is short because I want to go to lunch. Some might even say that this explanation is short because neither of these two frequent the wall in the afternoon. I saw it is short because this is a shitty example of what fantasy football should look like in week 1.

Predicktion: Ertz when Eifert... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ertz when Eifert... RIGHT!!

With Love

Commish

Season Total: 3-4

Mystery Total: 3-4

Week 1 Predicktions

If you are new here, get ready for a whole new world of information coming your way. Some fantasy leagues have snakes and sparklers, but your pretty booty that we got the Whisker Do's and Whisker Don'ts...

If you take offense to anything that I have said/will say/or even may be thinking... then let me stop you now - this is the wrong place for you. I will proceed to sh*t talk your entire team, fantasy decisions, and possibly your personal life - so this is your warning. By the way, I am greatest fantasy team manager to never f*cking win this thing and this year is MY YEAR!!

Matchup of the Week
The J-Bones v C.S. and Cocks

Key Matchup: Courtland Sutton v Kenneth Walker III

Why? This sh*t talk on my Sutton is crazy, especially by this specific manager. Let's not forget that nothing has really changed in Denver; same QB, same head coach, outside of hiring Davis Webb to offensive coordinator. You know what he did prior? Played QB - you bet he wants to slang b*tch all over the field. All that being said, I am really high on Kenneth... he is probably taking this matchup.

J-Bones X-Factor: Stroud/Nico combo... they have the LA Rams this week - and this is not the same Rams defense that had Ramsey and Donald wrecking offenses. They are prime for the picking and these two could have a field day against this secondary - in many lists they are ranked in the bottom 7 secondaries in the league.

C.S.C X-Factor: Jameson Williams... he flashed big play potential last year and is the Lions downfield threat. If they can connect on some bombs, Williams could put up big points. On the flip side, he also had 3 or less receptions in 6 different relevant games. If he scores big, I love C.S.C.'s chances.

Prediction: Chips, Salsa and Cocks

Mystery Guest Input: Dak not a winner, team cancer.... J-Bones win.

Cleveland Steamers v 2 A.P.

Key Matchup: Kittle v LaPorta

Why? These two are strong candidates for top 3 at the TE position. They will be heavily compared throughout the season. Kittle might be the most fun TE to watch play football and he can put up numbers. If you haven't watched the Netflix series "Receiver" - I highly recommend it. On the flip side, LaPorta saw a dip in numbers last year (especially early on), then he had a great end to the season. If he continues from where he left off at the end of the season, this is going to be a great matchup to see who takes this battle.

2AP X-Factor: Chuba Hubbard... the only RB in this matchup projected for more than 15 points and if he can really separate himself from the others - it will really help AP's chances to get a win early in the season. He gets to play a terrible Jacksonville defensive line and Carolina will need him to play well. If he can get over 100 all-purpose yards, there could be major separation between him and the others.

Steamers X-Factor: Justin Jefferson... the obvious pick for Key Matchup would have been Jefferson v Chase... but I saved him for the X-Factor. The big question for Jefferson - is McCarthy ready? If he is, then he will need to lean on Jefferson in this big matchup against the Chicago Bears. Jefferson should see 10+ targets, and we all know what he can do when the ball is anywhere within range.

Prediction: 2 A.P.

Mystery Guest Input: Bluffton Tigers going in the right direction - head coach's life is currently a fantasy and he can't lose... 2 A.P. win

Slender TDs v AR Finger

Key Matchup: Breece Hall v Jaylen Warren

Why? Both of these RB's are the 2nd starting RB on their respective teams and both happen to be playing each other. Both RB's also have new QB's running the show... Warren's QB happens to be the last Jets QB. Just so much in common with these two... ever done any research on the Lincoln/Kennedy conspiracy? I highly recommend it - these two are intertwined for this first week matchup.

Slender X-Factor: Marvin Harrison Jr.... this is a big year for the sophomore wideout. Who doesn't love a midget who prefers to run the ball and throw it to his TE as their QB? However, in every game the MHJ had more than 5 receptions - he scored 15 or more fantasy points. New Orleans has a spotty secondary and this could be a big week for the wideout.

ARF X-Factor: Malik Nabers... hey look, it is another sophomore wideout! Nabers was a stud last year... will Mr. Unlimited continue to look his way? I surely hope so - he is probably the most talented offensive player the Giants have. Washington has a middle of the pack secondary, but they are near the bottom in total defense ranking - could be a fun day for Nabers.

Prediction: A.R. Finger

Mystery Guest Input: The rookie GM doesn't get a chance to lock up his first win for the league, maybe next week... maybe not.... Slender TD's win

Bootay Pirates v ARBL

Key Matchup: David Njoku v Travis Kelce

Why? There is a lot of hype surrounding Kelce... but is he focused on football or a blonde-haired siren? Kelce is now 35 and at some point, he has to slow down... doesn't he? Or does he? The LAC don't represent a tough matchup for him and Mahomes may look his way often. However, Njoku is playing against the worst defense there was last year (Cincy). Njoku is one of the TE that is not often talked about, but can definitely reach the upper echelon of performance. Don't count out the chief - this is going to be a close battle at TE.

Bootay X-Factor: Garrett Wilson... we all know that Pitt's defense is going to be tough. The Steelers won a majority of their games solely because of their defense and the happen to acquire through trade of the elite CB's in the game. Wilson will be reliant on Fields to throw the ball and sometime JF tends to become hyper focused on one receiver (see DJ Moore last season) - Wilson could fill that role.

ARBL X-Factor: Saquon Barkley... I picked this player solely because that means that ARBL's X-Factor will be going against his favorite NFL team - who doesn't love this predicament?

Prediction: ARBL

Mystery Guest Input: His exact words... "It looks like Lloyd rides the short bus*" Bootay Pirates win

Cocaine Cowboys v Barely Even Know Her

Key Matchup: DK Metcalf v Brian Thomas Jr.

Why? DK is definition of a physical stud... remember when he chased down the Buddhism God? However, as athletic as he is... he has a tendency to sometimes check out of games and let's not forget about Sauce Gardner shadowing him around the field. On the flip side, BTJ is the wideout that was not widely touted as a rookie - yet, he was the 4th best receiver last season. Just reread that sentence and tell me what stands out? Yes, BTJ was the 4th scoring WR as a rookie. Oh and guess what? He still has his same QB... if DK can keep this matchup close, it will be a big win for Cocaine Cowboys.

Cowboys X-Factor: Alvin Kamara... other than age is there a smoother looking RB with the ball in his hands? Sometimes Kamara looks like he is moving in slow motion and then he breaks off a big run. Cocaine Cowboys is a team full of big names from a few years ago, if they can turn back the clock this is going to be a good team - and it all starts with Kamara.

BEKH X-Factor: De'Von Achane... this Miami running back is sneaky good. Not considered a big name in the league - but he finished top 5 last season. Achane has breached 100 all-purpose yards in half of his fantasy relevant games and that include a season where he was dealing with injuries throughout. He has the potential to have a big season and this week is one of those big weeks. As an Indy fan, I can tell you - their run defense is full of holes.

Prediction: Barely Even Know Her

Mystery Guest Input: He is still feeling the impact of change and somebody left him for greener pastures... Barely Even Know Her

1st Downs Syndrome v Project Tush Push

Key Matchup: Jalen Hurts v Jayden Daniels

Why? Divisional rivals. Same type of QB. Both black. Who knocked out the Commanders in the playoffs? The Eagles. Which QB was responsible for 4 touchdowns? Jalen Hurts. However, which team is reliant on stellar play from their QB? The Commanders. This is going to be a fun matchup between 2 QBs that are comfortable running the ball and throwing it. Look for both of these QB's to finish in the top 5 fantasy scorers this week.

Syndrome X-Factor: CMC... the big question is how healthy is he? How often will San Fran use him and how often they try to save him for a hopeful playoff run? If he used properly, he score points in bunches. This season comes down CMC's use and how healthy he can stay.

Tush Push X-Factor: Ashton Jeanty... this is kind of an easy pick for week 1. Nobody knows how well this rookie RB will good. His ADP was in round 1 of nearly every PPR fantasy draft, but is it deserving? In previous years, top-tier rookie RB's have performed within the RB1 fantasy ranking and it is not like the Raiders have many other options (outside of Brock Bowers) for playmakers.

Prediction: 1st Downs Syndrome

Mystery Guest Input: His favorite Vandy alum now.... also he said, better player by a smidge - whatever the hell that means... Project Tush Push

Deez Lutz v Ertz when Eifert

Key Matchup: James Connor v David Montgomery

Why? This matchup needs to have a lot of separation for Deez to feel good. Montgomery is a backup and a touchdown vulture. Montgomery only ever rushed for 100 yards once last season - however, James Connor rushed for over 100 yards 6 times last season. If Conner can pull away, you can bet that this could be a big win for Deez Lutz.

Deez Lutz X-Factor: Trevor Lawrence... T-Law is usually not a candidate for a top performing QB, but this week is different. They face the worst ranked defense in the league (Carolina) and Lawrence will need to have a big week for confidence from this fantasy owner to keep him in the starting lineup. Not a lot has changed for the Jacksonville offense, so there should be some comfortability and he should have a big week.

Ertz/Eifert X-Factor: George Pickens... let's be honest, we are curious how the CeeDee/Pickens marriage is going to work in Dallas. Pickens has all the physical ability in the world, but he also tends to crash out too often. If Pickens can prove that he is a valuable 2nd option to CeeDee, this could not only be a big week for him - but also a big season.

Prediction: Ertz when Eifert

Mystery Guest: If the opposing team's QB is a hippy... you win (man must not have watched Remember the Titans)... Ertz when Eifert

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, J-Bones - may your entire team switch bodies with Jordan Hudson and be pinned down by and have a 73-year saggy ball sack dangling in your face.

With Love

Commish

*Lloyd's team... not just Lloyd