If you are new here, get ready for a whole new world of information coming your way. Some fantasy leagues have snakes and sparklers, but your pretty booty that we got the Whisker Do's and Whisker Don'ts...
Matchup of the Week
The J-Bones v C.S. and Cocks
Key Matchup: Courtland Sutton v Kenneth Walker III
Why? This sh*t talk on my Sutton is crazy, especially by this specific manager. Let's not forget that nothing has really changed in Denver; same QB, same head coach, outside of hiring Davis Webb to offensive coordinator. You know what he did prior? Played QB - you bet he wants to slang b*tch all over the field. All that being said, I am really high on Kenneth... he is probably taking this matchup.
J-Bones X-Factor: Stroud/Nico combo... they have the LA Rams this week - and this is not the same Rams defense that had Ramsey and Donald wrecking offenses. They are prime for the picking and these two could have a field day against this secondary - in many lists they are ranked in the bottom 7 secondaries in the league.
C.S.C X-Factor: Jameson Williams... he flashed big play potential last year and is the Lions downfield threat. If they can connect on some bombs, Williams could put up big points. On the flip side, he also had 3 or less receptions in 6 different relevant games. If he scores big, I love C.S.C.'s chances.
Prediction: Chips, Salsa and Cocks
Mystery Guest Input: Dak not a winner, team cancer.... J-Bones win.
Cleveland Steamers v 2 A.P.
Key Matchup: Kittle v LaPorta
Why? These two are strong candidates for top 3 at the TE position. They will be heavily compared throughout the season. Kittle might be the most fun TE to watch play football and he can put up numbers. If you haven't watched the Netflix series "Receiver" - I highly recommend it. On the flip side, LaPorta saw a dip in numbers last year (especially early on), then he had a great end to the season. If he continues from where he left off at the end of the season, this is going to be a great matchup to see who takes this battle.
2AP X-Factor: Chuba Hubbard... the only RB in this matchup projected for more than 15 points and if he can really separate himself from the others - it will really help AP's chances to get a win early in the season. He gets to play a terrible Jacksonville defensive line and Carolina will need him to play well. If he can get over 100 all-purpose yards, there could be major separation between him and the others.
Steamers X-Factor: Justin Jefferson... the obvious pick for Key Matchup would have been Jefferson v Chase... but I saved him for the X-Factor. The big question for Jefferson - is McCarthy ready? If he is, then he will need to lean on Jefferson in this big matchup against the Chicago Bears. Jefferson should see 10+ targets, and we all know what he can do when the ball is anywhere within range.
Prediction: 2 A.P.
Mystery Guest Input: Bluffton Tigers going in the right direction - head coach's life is currently a fantasy and he can't lose... 2 A.P. win
Slender TDs v AR Finger
Key Matchup: Breece Hall v Jaylen Warren
Why? Both of these RB's are the 2nd starting RB on their respective teams and both happen to be playing each other. Both RB's also have new QB's running the show... Warren's QB happens to be the last Jets QB. Just so much in common with these two... ever done any research on the Lincoln/Kennedy conspiracy? I highly recommend it - these two are intertwined for this first week matchup.
Slender X-Factor: Marvin Harrison Jr.... this is a big year for the sophomore wideout. Who doesn't love a midget who prefers to run the ball and throw it to his TE as their QB? However, in every game the MHJ had more than 5 receptions - he scored 15 or more fantasy points. New Orleans has a spotty secondary and this could be a big week for the wideout.
ARF X-Factor: Malik Nabers... hey look, it is another sophomore wideout! Nabers was a stud last year... will Mr. Unlimited continue to look his way? I surely hope so - he is probably the most talented offensive player the Giants have. Washington has a middle of the pack secondary, but they are near the bottom in total defense ranking - could be a fun day for Nabers.
Prediction: A.R. Finger
Mystery Guest Input: The rookie GM doesn't get a chance to lock up his first win for the league, maybe next week... maybe not.... Slender TD's win
Bootay Pirates v ARBL
Key Matchup: David Njoku v Travis Kelce
Why? There is a lot of hype surrounding Kelce... but is he focused on football or a blonde-haired siren? Kelce is now 35 and at some point, he has to slow down... doesn't he? Or does he? The LAC don't represent a tough matchup for him and Mahomes may look his way often. However, Njoku is playing against the worst defense there was last year (Cincy). Njoku is one of the TE that is not often talked about, but can definitely reach the upper echelon of performance. Don't count out the chief - this is going to be a close battle at TE.
Bootay X-Factor: Garrett Wilson... we all know that Pitt's defense is going to be tough. The Steelers won a majority of their games solely because of their defense and the happen to acquire through trade of the elite CB's in the game. Wilson will be reliant on Fields to throw the ball and sometime JF tends to become hyper focused on one receiver (see DJ Moore last season) - Wilson could fill that role.
ARBL X-Factor: Saquon Barkley... I picked this player solely because that means that ARBL's X-Factor will be going against his favorite NFL team - who doesn't love this predicament?
Prediction: ARBL
Mystery Guest Input: His exact words... "It looks like Lloyd rides the short bus*" Bootay Pirates win
Cocaine Cowboys v Barely Even Know Her
Key Matchup: DK Metcalf v Brian Thomas Jr.
Why? DK is definition of a physical stud... remember when he chased down the Buddhism God? However, as athletic as he is... he has a tendency to sometimes check out of games and let's not forget about Sauce Gardner shadowing him around the field. On the flip side, BTJ is the wideout that was not widely touted as a rookie - yet, he was the 4th best receiver last season. Just reread that sentence and tell me what stands out? Yes, BTJ was the 4th scoring WR as a rookie. Oh and guess what? He still has his same QB... if DK can keep this matchup close, it will be a big win for Cocaine Cowboys.
Cowboys X-Factor: Alvin Kamara... other than age is there a smoother looking RB with the ball in his hands? Sometimes Kamara looks like he is moving in slow motion and then he breaks off a big run. Cocaine Cowboys is a team full of big names from a few years ago, if they can turn back the clock this is going to be a good team - and it all starts with Kamara.
BEKH X-Factor: De'Von Achane... this Miami running back is sneaky good. Not considered a big name in the league - but he finished top 5 last season. Achane has breached 100 all-purpose yards in half of his fantasy relevant games and that include a season where he was dealing with injuries throughout. He has the potential to have a big season and this week is one of those big weeks. As an Indy fan, I can tell you - their run defense is full of holes.
Prediction: Barely Even Know Her
Mystery Guest Input: He is still feeling the impact of change and somebody left him for greener pastures... Barely Even Know Her
1st Downs Syndrome v Project Tush Push
Key Matchup: Jalen Hurts v Jayden Daniels
Why? Divisional rivals. Same type of QB. Both black. Who knocked out the Commanders in the playoffs? The Eagles. Which QB was responsible for 4 touchdowns? Jalen Hurts. However, which team is reliant on stellar play from their QB? The Commanders. This is going to be a fun matchup between 2 QBs that are comfortable running the ball and throwing it. Look for both of these QB's to finish in the top 5 fantasy scorers this week.
Syndrome X-Factor: CMC... the big question is how healthy is he? How often will San Fran use him and how often they try to save him for a hopeful playoff run? If he used properly, he score points in bunches. This season comes down CMC's use and how healthy he can stay.
Tush Push X-Factor: Ashton Jeanty... this is kind of an easy pick for week 1. Nobody knows how well this rookie RB will good. His ADP was in round 1 of nearly every PPR fantasy draft, but is it deserving? In previous years, top-tier rookie RB's have performed within the RB1 fantasy ranking and it is not like the Raiders have many other options (outside of Brock Bowers) for playmakers.
Prediction: 1st Downs Syndrome
Mystery Guest Input: His favorite Vandy alum now.... also he said, better player by a smidge - whatever the hell that means... Project Tush Push
Deez Lutz v Ertz when Eifert
Key Matchup: James Connor v David Montgomery
Why? This matchup needs to have a lot of separation for Deez to feel good. Montgomery is a backup and a touchdown vulture. Montgomery only ever rushed for 100 yards once last season - however, James Connor rushed for over 100 yards 6 times last season. If Conner can pull away, you can bet that this could be a big win for Deez Lutz.
Deez Lutz X-Factor: Trevor Lawrence... T-Law is usually not a candidate for a top performing QB, but this week is different. They face the worst ranked defense in the league (Carolina) and Lawrence will need to have a big week for confidence from this fantasy owner to keep him in the starting lineup. Not a lot has changed for the Jacksonville offense, so there should be some comfortability and he should have a big week.
Ertz/Eifert X-Factor: George Pickens... let's be honest, we are curious how the CeeDee/Pickens marriage is going to work in Dallas. Pickens has all the physical ability in the world, but he also tends to crash out too often. If Pickens can prove that he is a valuable 2nd option to CeeDee, this could not only be a big week for him - but also a big season.
Prediction: Ertz when Eifert
Mystery Guest: If the opposing team's QB is a hippy... you win (man must not have watched Remember the Titans)... Ertz when Eifert
As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, J-Bones - may your entire team switch bodies with Jordan Hudson and be pinned down by and have a 73-year saggy ball sack dangling in your face.
With Love
Commish
*Lloyd's team... not just Lloyd
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