Let's Get Ready to Rumble....

If Draft Day is one the most important days of the fantasy season, week one is one of the most exciting times of the fantasy season. This is the time when the arguing and convincing, the research and mock drafts, and the trash talking all come to fruition. There is no persuading your way out of game results and stats. It is exciting to see what your hard work has produced.

Not to mention the fact that every team now starts on an even playing field (this is a redraft league). Who cares if you won it all last year? I know I sure as hell don't. Once the first kick-off has taken place we are all 0-0 and anticipating our first win. Which brings me to our Team of the Week...

Team of the Week: Pretty Boy is my B*tch

The returning champ is back and ready to lay claim to his crown once more. A team that has focused on locking up top tier wide receivers is going to be hoping that a couple of back-up running backs can find a way to get their touches. Let's look at the roster....

QB - Cam Newton, Sam Darnold
Newton is going to routinely be the starter, but Darnold is a sneaky pick-up and I applaud the defending champ for it. Darnold is not a small human being and some would say that he resemble the same stature as Big Ben. With the addition of Le'veon Bell in the backfield and a speedster on the outside (Robby Anderson) this offense could shape up to look like the Pittsburgh offense. The bigger question: will the Jets offense line be able to give enough time? That shouldn't matter, unless Newton gets hurt - which never happens does it? Actually, 3 of the past 5 seasons Newton has only managed to start in 14 games. Not to mention Newton is coming into the final week of the pre-season with a mild sprain. Newton is going to need to stay healthy this season if this team wants to have a solid starter at QB, would you really want to put your fantasy hopes in the hands of Sam Darnold?

RB - James White, Tarik Cohen, Jaylen Samuels, Tony Pollard
The running back department is by far the weakest area in the line-up for PIMB. White and Cohen are the projected starters for most of the season (fantasy), but are both looking up the depth chart. Both the backs are the preferred receiving backs - which does favor them in a PPR league. I predict that Cohen will be lined up in the slot quite often, and White will have his typical big games throughout the season. Looks like PIMB better be studying the offense reports each week to see if he needs to make a few adjustments.

WR - Julio Jones, Tyreek Hill, TY Hilton, Courtland Sutton, Adam Humphries, N'Keal Harry
There was a very distinctive focus when it came to drafting and it was clear PIMB was going to take advantage of the PPR scoring format. This group would look much more amazing if Luck didn't retire, Sutton didn't have a new QB, and Humphries didn't switch teams in the offseason. Unfortunately, those things did happen and there will a big reliance on Jones and Hill to carry the squad. Not a bad two to rely on, and frankly there could be some decent numbers coming from this department if a 3rd receiver can step-up and fill the FLEX role.

TE - Evan Engram, Noah Fant
Engram is going to be the consistent starter, and he deserves to be. The only risk that Engram carries is the fact that either Eli Manning or Daniel Jones will be throwing him the ball. Without Tate available for the first quarter of the week, teams will be focusing on shutting down Barkley in the backfield and Engram in the middle. Honestly, Fant could end up taking the starting slot from Engram. Reports out of Denver are stating that Fant has great hands and he wasn't drafted to block. He is a legit downfield threat and with the addition of Flacco (someone who loves to throw the ball downfield), look for Fant to put up low end TE2 stats.

DEF/K - Vikings/Mike Badgley
Typically these positions would be streamed throughout the season; however, when you draft a defense like Minnesota you are hoping that they can be a mainstay in the line-up. Vikings will perform higher than the average defense on any given week and frankly, that is all you can ask for. I will say this many time throughout the season - I don't give a shit about who your kicker is and if he "Tier 1."


Naturally, since Pretty Boy is my B*tch is the Team of the Week - they find themselves in the matchup of the week. Last season, I threw the matchup of the week at the bottom of the post - this season we are highlighting it in the top of the card...

Matchup of the Week

Pretty Boy is my B*tch (0-0) v The J-Bones (0-0)

This matchup features our returning champ and the first selection overall - what is not to like?

QB - Rodgers v Newton
This is a tough decision - tougher than it looks on paper. Rodgers is only projected to score 15.7 points and Newton at 18. This is mainly because of the defense that Rodgers is facing (the Bears). However, it is a rivalry game and it is the first game of the season.

Big players step-up in big moments on big stages!

Look for Rodgers to shine in the season opener and win this matchup by at least 5 points, which is a big margin considering he is projected to lose by 2.3 points.

RB - Kamara/Coleman v White/Cohen
There will always be a slight debate between Kamara and Barkley for the top overall pick, but one thing is clear those two (and Run CMC) find themselves in a clear tier by themselves. Kamara will be the sole breadwinner in the backfield of an offense that loves to score points. Not only that, last year when Ingram was suspended for the first four games - Kamara broke the 30 point threshold 3 times and averaged 34 points each week. Kamara wins this matchup singlehandedly, and it shouldn't be close!

WR - Thielen/Cooks v Jones/Hill
For a team that locked up Kamara with the number one pick, having Thielen and Cook as your wide receivers are no slouch. Those will win their fair share of match-ups with opposing wide receivers, just not this week. Jones and Hill are both top guys on their teams - which both love to throw the ball! Last year's top two quarterbacks? Patrick Mahomes and Matt Ryan. You know that Jones and Hill are going to be monsters this season and they will be looking start week one with a bang!

TE - McDonald v Engram
This is a toss-up, anybody that tries to convince of anything different is crazy. The Steelers will be looking for McDonald to fill a bigger role - especially considering 168 targets just walked out the door. Engram is an athletic big tight-end that plays for a team that also just had 124 targets leave (and that was only through week 13). Both are expected to fill bigger roles and both tight-ends are not touchdown dependent - flip a coin and take your pick!

FLEX - Gordon v Hilton
I will be the first guy to tell you that I am not high on Hilton after Andrew "Well F*ck" retired. He is a great deep threat and we can not just disregard that fact that Luck and his brain is not available to direct the Hilton into streaking downfield bombs. Brissett is serviceable, but there is a definite hit to Hilton's stock. With that being said, there is still a week and half left before the Gordon's first game - and we all know how much that man loves to smoke the reefer! Can he last that long?

DEF/K - Chargers/Zuerlein v Vikings/Badgley

Remember when I said I will say it many times this season.... I don't give a shit about your kicker and if he is Tier One. However, I do like the fact that the Chargers are facing the Colts and will be looking to put some pressure on Brissett. Brissett is one of the top backup QB's in the NFL - but he is still a back-up and look for the LAC defense to jump all over him.

Prediction: The J-Bones win

Competitor's Prediction: Pretty Boy is my B*tch win

....And Your Johnson (0-0) v Wings of Dickarus (0-0)

This is a big matchup that features the top tandem in Kansas City against the top team in the DDA. Mahomes was the top player in fantasy football last season and Kelce was the top tight end - one might say this tandem is slight step-up from Cutler/Marshall. However, you can't just look at Johnson's lineup and suggest it is a two man show - Brown and Anderson are both speedsters on the outside and will be looking to finish in the top 20 in that department. Will that be enough to take down the top dog of the DDA?  The law firm of Johnson and Johnson will be the driving force followed up by a solid FLEX slot with the most efficient college running back in 2018. Jacobs is going to need to be this year's breakout rookie for Wings to have a chance in the long run. Will the running backs of the Wings be enough to stop the top tandem in the NFL? I think so.

Prediction: Wings of Dickarus win 

Competitor's Prediction: Wings of Dickarus win

Ossian Sleepers (0-0) v Florida State SeminalVesicles (0-0)

We can call this matchup Auto Draft versus Run CMC, because well one team was auto drafted and one team is basically Christian McCaffrey. Ossian Sleepers needs to do two things...

1) Pray and hope that Elliott is signed and Gordon reports - because without those two, it is going to be a loooooonnnngggg season
2) Change that damn name!

Run CMC is a stud and he is one of the top three players to be had this season. He is going to carry this squad to a few wins, especially if his support cast with Ertz and Brees can help out. These three should be just enough to take down Ossian Sleepers - especially with Gordon and Elliott out for the time being.

Prediction: FSSV win
Competitor's Prediction: FSSV win

Massive TD's (0-0) v The Back Hatch (0-0)

As stated in the previous post, Massive TD's found themselves in the bottom of the DDA last season and came out and smashed their opponent in week one. Does that spell disaster for The Backhatch? These two teams are so close in matchups it is hard to find an edge on either side. Hopkins and Lockett have a distinct advantage over Diggs and Jones Jr. Bell and Fournette have a distinct advantage over Jones and Williams. Prescott has an advantage over Allen. Lindsay has an advantage over Landry. Back and forth, forth and back - both teams have solid studs (Bell and Hopkins respectively) and both teams have weak spots, but which weak spot has a better chance of stepping and filling the needed role? I am putting my money on Aaron Jones.

Prediction: Massive TD's win
Competitor's Prediction: Massive TD's win

Aaron Rodgers blows Llamas (0-0) v Biggus Dickus (0-0)

Let me be the first to welcome you to the league, Llamas will be the second and he will welcome you the correct way. Watson, Conner, Evans, and the only defense that is worth mentioning - Bears D/ST will handle their business and easily take care of the newbie. Don't get me wrong, Mayfield and JuJu will perform this season - they are not the issue. The issue lies within the fact that Carson and Michel are both running backs that are known to have their issues catching, or even holding, the ball. Cooper Kupp is coming off of a major injury and Julian Edelman will no longer have the comfort blanket of Gronk to take on double and triple teams. Llamas has a strong team, and will have a strong year - I would hate to be the team that has to take them on in week one!

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas win
Competitor's Prediction: Biggus Dickus win

Ankle Holster (0-0) v Hernandez Hit Men (0-0)

Let me first start this out by reminding everyone that Mixon, Cook, and Mack need to beat James Conner in order for Ankle Holster to win a bet - what a silly goose. Not is that bet not going to go well for Ankle Holster, but this matchup is not looking promising either. Gurley and Thomas are two studs that could carry a team all on their own - but they won't have to. Murray is going to finish in the top ten for a few weeks, until defense finally figure out the offense - which they will, this is the NFL. Henry will be fed the rock on a consistent basis until Tennessee's offense begins to stutter - like it usually does. Robinson will play for two weeks, before going down with an injury and living his best life on the sideline. With all of that being said, this week will the be the perfect storm of what could happen if every player plays up to their potential.

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men
Competitor's Prediction: Ankle Holster win

Pen15 Wrinkle (0-0) v Hoosier Daddy (0-0)

What do you do when you trade your middle round draft picks in order to have three picks in the top 15? You grab three studs and lock up the best wide receiver tandem in the fantasy league, then you grab a hometown player that could finish as a top ten running back. However, what you may have in top end talent - you will most definitely lack in depth. Not to mention the fact that you are facing off against: Saquon Barkley - last year's top RB, Matt Ryan - last year's 2nd QB, George Kittle - a top tier TE, Amari Cooper - projected to finish within the top 15 at WR (nobody gives a shit about your tier 1 kicker). Wrinkle's lineup is littered with studs and it is nice to know that he actually drafted his team for once. Wrinkle has their eye on the future prize and Daddy will be the first victim.

Prediction: Pen15 Wrinkle
Competitor's Prediction: Pen15 Wrinkle win


As you finish reading this post, raise a glass (or whatever is currently in your hand, actually don't do that John - nobody wants to see what is in your hand) and pour one out for Chadler Prible and Dr. Brad Yates. Our former league mates have moved on and we should honor them.

Nah, just kidding - f*ck 'em!


Bless

Where is Kevin Costner when you need him!

Draft Day.

Not just a good movie.

Christmas Morning for most men.

Draft day is one of the most important days of the Fantasy Football season. Your entire season relies on your ability to solidify your team with a couple bangers and finding those hidden gems in the late rounds. If you want win, you need both.

There can be a lot of thought going into drafting a fantasy team - and there can be no thought. Hell, you could even have your son the computer draft for you... cough John Price cough. Either way, draft day is coming for you and whether you like it or not - there is a lot riding on how everything plays out.

Matthew Berry always talks about you need to understand your league and everyone in it if you want to be successful. Should you take a QB early? Should employ the RB/RB strategy? Should make sure to lock as many tier-one guys (even if it means taking a kicker early)? However you decide to draft, stick to your guns and be ready to defend your position.... especially in a DDA. Which brings me my next topic.....

This season's DDA standings are:
1. Wings of Dickarus
2. The J-Bones
3. Pen15 Wrinkle
4. Backhatch
5. Blows Llamas
6. Hernandez Hitmen
7. Ankle Holster
8. The Trashmen
9. Hoosier Daddy
10. And Your Johnson
11. Massive TD's
12. Pretty Boy
13. Biggus Dickus
14. Ossian Sleepers

Now, let's get to the fun stuff and really breakdown each team! Let me start at the bottom...

14. Ossian Sleepers
There are multiple questions marks when it comes to this team and a lot would need to go right for everything to work-out. Considering their first picks (Elliott and M. Gordon) have not even reported to their respective teams. With K. Allen and A. Jeffery as two of their top three wide receivers - they are just inviting the injury bug to come and stay for more than just a weekend. Not to mention that having your draft completed by the computer also means that L. Miller (torn ACL) and A. Luck (retirement) are also on the squad, but not on the field. Let's just call it what it is, thanks for the donation this year!

13. Biggus Dickus
It is ironic that the bottom two teams in the DDA are also the two new members in the fantasy league, or is it? Biggus started this "draft season" off with a bang, by making the only trade prior to draft - one that sent his 1st round pick to another team for a return for a bevy of picks in the 3-5 round. Did it pay off? Not so much. Smith-Schuster is going to be great and frankly was a fantastic pick-up in the middle of the 2nd round, but after that there multiple issues that will need to be dealt with. Carson and Michel are the starting RB's and I know Biggus is new to the league, but this is a PPR league and neither of those guys have ever played catch... with anyone... ever. Then Biggus decided to go after the locker room guys - just grabbing a bunch of gym rats. In other words, 4 out of his next 5 guys lack the athletic gene that might be required to be successful in the NFL. Once again, thanks for the donation!

12. Pretty Boy is my B*tch
Ladies and Gentlemen, our returning champ has returned and let me tell you - there will be no back-to-back. After grabbing T. Hill and J. Jones in the early rounds (which is great), there is quite a few risky plays that will be filling out the lineup. J. White and T. Cohen are looking up from behind on the depth chart - yet PIMB is going to be needing them to get more touches to keep up. Evan Engram could have a big year, but how big of year is he going to have with Danielle Jones throwing him the ball? Newton is going to need to have a huge year, and I mean huge year for this team to compete. If you need help hiring some movers to help get that trophy out of your room, let me know - I got a guy.

11. Massive TD's
Honestly, the last time TD's was this low in the DDA they came out and exploded in the first week. After that? Absolute shit. Things aren't looking much better this year. Hopkins is going to need to score 60 points each week for this team to have a chance at sniffing a victory. A. Jones and D. Williams both play on great offensive teams... that love to throw the ball as much as possible. Prescott plays quarterback for a team that will forever be run-first. I am actually amazed that you were able to snag players on great offensive teams - too bad they were just not right players.

10. And Your Johnson
There are multiple strategies to employ when drafting, but one strategy you shouldn't employ is reaching. Kelce in the first round, Mahomes in the third round, and a kicker in the eleventh round. I am just not sure your arm is long enough for all the reaching taking place. Kelce is great, but in the first round? Mahomes is great, but in the third round? And... HOLY EFF, WHY DID A RUN OF KICKERS TAKE PLACE IN THE ELEVENTH ROUND?!? I don't want to say you are bad at drafting (clearly not the worst), but you are definitely a better coach than you are manager.

9. Hoosier Daddy
"That is crazy"
"What is crazy?"
"That Hoosier Daddy went from being a nomination for the worst team and made it to single digits."

That my friend, is an exact conversation that took place forty minutes after the draft. D. Adams, OBJ, and Chubb should all be great. After that? Relying on a rookie running back, a 2nd option WR in a run-first offense, and a QB that required a different QB to be drafted right after. After that, Hoosier Daddy is really hoping someone gets hurt. The back-up running backs: L. Murray, D. Singletary, A. Mattison, I. Smith. Is it going to be weird watching NFL games with all of your players on the bench?

8. The Trashmen
You had better thank your lucky stars that you were able to nab Run CMC. Without him, this team is utter trash, see what I did there? Ertz has the potential to be great, but if I was a betting man (and I am) I would say he sees the field less 70 percent of the time. Let's not even get started on the wide receivers, DJ Moore, S. Watkins, Valdes-Scantling, D. Moncrief, M. Sanu. Your best receiver might be Sanu - and you picked him last! I don't envy your job, each week you have to look at your shitty team and try and decide which trash player to go with!

7. Ankle Holster
It is endearing when one team tries to emulate another - but it just looks sad when they don't do it as well. J. Mixon, D. Cook, M. Mack are all decent options but to try and convince a room that all three are going to outplay J. Conner - that is asinine. Honestly, every time I look at your team that is all I can see - what a silly bet! Anyways, if M. Gordon really does sit-out the entire year Ekeler becomes a hell of a steal in round six. Mack is going to struggle without Luck to keep defenses honest and D. Cook has a history of being injured. Let's just hope between the four of them you can find a couple players, because they are going to need to drag the sad sack of Goff/Woods combo all season long!

6. Hernandez Hitmen
If you were to go back downstairs and look at the draft board, a few picks might stick out to you. The one that sticks out to me? Kyler Murray drafted as the 7th QB. Last year, the same owner took Mahomes (a rookie QB) and it paid off in a big way. However, you can't convince me that Fitzgerald and company match-up in anyway to Kelce/Hill/Hunt. The next pick that might stand out? Derrick Henry in the 3rd round of a PPR league. Henry is running back notorious for having bricks for hands. Tennessee lost one of the best offensive lineman in the league for the first part of the season. This could be a huge blow to the run game. Thomas and Gurley are going to need to score some major points this season - and they could, top 6 ain't bad?

5. Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas
Remember, that crazy bet about three running backs outscoring J. Conner? Llamas is really banking on Conner doing what he needs to do to outperform those three. He should outperform them and with M. Evans holding down the fort on the wide receiver front - this team has two studs with a top tier quarterback in D. Watson. What would keep them out the top four? Mark Ingram, Kenny G. (the sax player), and Derrius Guice. There is going to be some depending on these players - and these are not necessarily the players I want to be leaning on.

4. Backhatch
Will Le'veon Bell be the same? Hell no. Would Matthew Berry draft him in the top five? Hell no. Does that make this a bad team? Hell no. With Bell, Fournette, and P. Lindsay as the three running backs on the squad - there is plenty of options. Stefon Diggs is going to have another top 20 WR year and should be a consistent play. However, Backhatch will be hoping that G. Tate, AJ Green, and M. Jones can step up and fill the role of WR 2. More than likely, one of them will be serviceable on any given week - but will Backhatch be smart enough to make the right decision? The Backhatch is always the right decision.

3. Pen15 Wrinkle
First, thank you.
Take a moment and give yourself a pat on your back for being social and actually coming out to the draft party. Now, if you could spread the word that it is actually fun - maybe, just maybe, we could get 100% attendance next year. Unfortunately, just because you show up to the draft doesn't mean you make all great decisions. Barkley is great - and an obvious no brainer. There some definite hope that A. Cooper can continue the onslaught he put on teams after being traded last season. Kittle is great tight end and definitely not a miss. M. Williams is a definite question mark, but you drafted a defense and kicker in rounds 10 and 11. You are aware that most successful teams stream those positions based on matchups correct? But hey, if we have to knock the defense and kicker - you must be doing something right, welcome to the top three!

2. The J-Bones
Kamara as the number one pick is fantastic. Adam Thielen as your number one receiver is fantastic. Brandin Cooks as your number two receiver is decent. Josh Gordon in the fourth round.... wait what? Josh Goron in the 4th round? WTF?!?! Littering and... littering and.... littering and... Rodgers is a great quarterback. SERIOUSLY, WHO STARTS A RUN ON KICKERS IN THE ELEVENTH ROUND?? I get it, you are a tier guy and you had to get that top tier kicker - but wow. Hey, I am not judging (actually I am) - after all you did make it to the top two.

Smoking the reefer.

1. Wings of Dickarus
Is this a surprise? Obviously not. Will you all hate it and disagree? Obviously. How can you argue against the law firm of Johnson and Johnson at running back? Both rb's are number one guys who love catching the football - this is a PPR league, right? Josh Jacobs was the most efficient running back in college and now is with an offense that brought a key piece to keeping defense honest and he should see plenty of touches. Last year, I stole JuJu and he turned out to be fantastic. This year it is going to be C. Godwin. If Winston loves doing one thing, it is f*cking her right in the p*ssy. When he is done doing that, he will slang that rock all over the field and Godwin will be a recipient of many throws. Not to mention the fact, that the rumor mill has Drake on the move and creating space for K. Ballage in the Miami backfield. This roster is so good, I actually just finished rosterbating... twice.

Well gents, feel free to voice your comments - I will listen and hear out every single one of them. Oh wait, no I won't.


Bless

Final Post... All the Marbles!!

Cue the ESPN 30 for 30 music...

What if I told you that the most unlikely of teams find themselves battling for the big kahuna?

What if I told you that one team tried to make the dumbest trade in league history, and still found himself in the championship?

What if I told you that one team was known for calling all other teams his b*tch?

Two teams. One Ron Jeremy trophy. The Bluffton Bombshells championship...

Dang It!! I'm STILL DUMB!!! v Big Red is my B*TCH

First off, let's just congratulate both these teams for the path they took to get here...

One team upset the 4th seed and the 1st seed - the 1st seed being "the most dominate team in league history." The other team beat the 3rd seed and the 7th seed - he can thank the 7th seed for doing the dirty work in round one and then barely breaking 70 point against him round two. Either way... you beat the opponent you are facing that week and you move on. Now to the comparisons....

QB - Goff v Watson

At the beginning of the season I might have given the advantage to Goff. He started off moving his LA Rams offense up and downtime field like a machine. Then something happened (Kupp got injured) and he seemed to have lost his mojo. Luckily, he is facing the downtrodden Arizona Cardinals this week. However, Watson is clearly the better quarterback at the moment. He has his Houston team in the playoffs and fighting for a first round bye. I have to give the slight edge to Watson and his ability to pick up yards with his feet and his trustworthy receiver (Hopkins).

RB - Johnson/McGuire v Peterson/Lindsay

The difficult part predicting what is going to happen with the running backs is trying to figure out what STUPID is going to play at running back. I think he will stay with what he has in the starting line-up, but he does have five other options on the bench. Nonetheless, the advantage still goes to the Peterson/Lindsay combo. Peterson has a tough matchup against an underrated Tennessee defense. However, Lindsay could have a monster week against an Oakland defense that cash this season once they traded away Khalil Mack.

WR - Thomas/Diggs v Jones/Beckham

This is where the heavyweight battle really takes main stage. Both teams have been reliant upon their terrific receiving group and nothing is better than watching them face-off. Diggs has become the main guy in Minnesota and Cousins have began to favor him over Thielen recently. Thomas is always Brees' favorite wide receiver, but that is saying much considering how poor their offense has looked recently. Honestly, I think Jones is the best receiver in this matchup (maybe even in the NFL). The real issue is the fact that Beckham is coming off of an injury and you don't know what the NY Giants offense is really going to do. I am going to give the advantage to Thomas/Diggs - but it is razor thin.

TE - Gronkowski v Brate

This is the classic case of a big name against an up-and-comer. Gronkowski is clearly the better option - but by how much? Gronk has scored less than 10 points 55% of the time he plays. Brate has scored less than 10 points 75% of the time. There is a level of consistency difference, however if you have watch Gronk play - he is slowing down. Call it too many hits to the head, call it too many beers shotgunned, call it too many ingested tide pods - the dude is slowing down. Nonetheless, the advantage is clearly with Gronkowski.

FLEX - Golladay v Baldwin

This is the other amazing factor for these teams - both teams have great starting wide receivers and then start a third receiver at flex. I guess there is something to be said about going wide receiver heavy in a PPR league. Golladay is essentially the only guy worth throwing the ball to in Detroit. They call him the "mini-tron" because of his resemblance to Calvin Johnson. Baldwin is working his way back from his injury and he is quickly earning the trust of Wilson in Seattle. Baldwin is a guy that could easily be a number receiver on many people's fantasy teams and BRIMB has him as his flex. Advantage Baldwin

DST/K - Cowboys/Succop v Ravens/Crosby

I hate picking this matchup, I really do. But if I had to choose a side, I would go with Ravens/Crosby for the pure fact that Philip Rivers is not afraid to throw the ball into tight coverage. The LA Chargers are a terrific offensive team, and they are going to score points. However, along the way the Baltimore defense will cause a few turnovers and America will get what they love to see... an extremely made Philip Rivers.

Prediction: Big Red is my B*tch! - I trust this team name will change.

Let me remind you of a few things....

1. This is a PPR league

2. You are playing for a one of a kind Ron Jeremy trophy

3. Money is at stake, but more importantly your manhood

4. Cards at my house on Thursday

5. Anybody want to trade next year's draft picks with me?

We going to the 'ship

It is the big week before the big week. In the grand scheme of things, I almost like the semifinals more than I like the finals. I enjoy watching two teams give everything they got to win their conference/region etc. This week will be no different...

1. Hernandez Hit Men v 5. BIG RED IS MY B*TCH

Who doesn't love a fantastic matchup between one dominate team and a team that has the power to knock off a giant?

QB - Watson v Mahomes
Mahomes is clearly the favorite in this matchup - but by how much? If you really breakdown the position battle; Mahomes plays on Thursday and against a tougher defense. Watson has the lowly J-E-T-S and should be able to have plenty of time to prepare. I give a slight edge to Mahomes, but this is closer than you think.

RB - Peterson/Lindsay v McCaffrey/Chubb
Lindsay has been a diamond that was plucked from a coal mine - actually won the title of "Pick-up of the Year." Peterson has somehow managed to put together a decent season, especially considering the injuries to Washington's line and their quarterback. Yet, Chubb and McCaffrey still have a clearcut advantage in this matchup. McCaffrey plays on Monday Night Football and will look to secure the win and road to the championship for HHM.

WR - Jones/Beckham v Tate/Landry
As big as an advantage as HHM has in the running back department - BRIMB has just as big in the wide receiver department. Jones and Beckham have the firepower to each score in the 30's and really put HHM in a big hole. Tate and Landry are serviceable, but they aren't going to win you any matchups. Advantage BRIMB

TE - Brate v Ebron
Ebron is the clear top tight end in this matchup. Luck loves to throw to his tight ends and since Doyle has been dealing with injuries and finally placed on the IR - it has been the Ebron show in the red zone. However, Ebron is going against a Dallas linebacker group that is sports one of the best young linebackers in the league. Vander Esch is in the running for defensive rookie of the year - look for him to make a statement this game and make a couple big time defensive plays. Advantage is still Ebron.

FLEX - Boyd v Jackson
Boyd has been the second diamond in the coal mine that BRIMB found. This week he has a fantastic matchup against Oakland and could really put up some big numbers. Jackson is going to be "the guy" in LAC's backfield and that could really tighten this position battle up. Advantage Boyd - but not by much.

K/DST - Ravens/Crosby v Browns/Maher
Sadly, it may come down to this battle. If it does, BRIMB has to like his Ravens defense - and so do I.

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men

7. Team Dez Nuts v 6. Dang it! I'M STILL DUMB!!

We are now entering the side of the bracket that was thrown completely out of whack - not one top seed won on this side of the bracket.... NOT ONE!!

QB - Luck v Goff
If you watched how Goff played last week - you know two things: A) Chicago's defense is for real, B) Goff really misses Kupp. Goff has the best running back in the NFL - and I am sure the LARs are planning on using him against a soft Philadelphia run defense. On the other hand, Luck seems to be the catalyst for the Indianapolis offense. Advantage Luck

RB - Miller/Martin v Johnson/Drake
This is one weak running back tandem against another weak running back tandem. Johnson is the best back of the four - but currently the Arizona offense has looked awful. Honestly, when comes to picking a pair of running backs - just flip a coin. We all know how good I am that, right Bob?

WR - Lockett/JuJu v Thomas/Diggs
Lockett has been a pleasant surprise this season - actually somewhat consistent. JuJu was always going to have a big season, it actually reminds of when Harrison was playing with Reggie Wayne in Indy. Everyone knew Wayne was going to be the guy, but Harrison still hung around and played multiple years. Antonio Brown is better than Harrison, but JuJu might be the next big wide receiver for Pittsburgh. With that being said, Diggs is beginning to look like a legitimate number one receiver in Minnesota and Thomas is already Brees' favorite target. Advantage Thomas/Diggs

TE - Kelce v Gronk
This is a fun matchup, almost like the passing of the torch. Does the old sensei still have one last big battle left in him? Will the young jedi surpass his master? Kelce plays and looks like the Gronkowski of past - hogging targets and completely destroying mismatched linebackers. Gronk is slowly on his way out, one too many hits to the head or one too many tye-pods! Kelce has the advantage.

FLEX - Thompson v Golladay
Golladay is now the guy that Detroit looks to when needing to generate offense. Their defense is going to make a few big plays and get the offense in great position - Golladay just needs to capitalize. Thompson was a crucial part in a Washington offense (when healthy), when they threw the ball. Unfortunately, their quarterback went down and now they just flat-out suck. Advantage goes to Golladay

K/DST - Jags/Vinny v Giants/Rosas
I know I am never a huge fan of this matchup - but there has to be an advantage given. The Jaguars defense has struggled this season, but they should be licking their chops in this matchup against the Washington offense. The Jaguars defense might score 25 points this week - and that might be needed for Dez Nuts!

Prediction: Dang it! I'M STILL STUPID!!

Mwah

Playoffs: Week 1 Results

In the NBA they have a famed playoff slogan, "Win or Go Home!" This week there are four more teams that are going home - some of which were not expecting to this early! That is the beauty of the playoffs, that is why everyone loves March Madness. In March, you are looking for the perennial top tier team to lose because they happen to have played a terrible game and their opponent got hot in the second half.

Everyone knows what I am talking about - and not it has trickled over to the Bluffton Bombshells...

1. Hernandez Hit Men v 8. The Trashmen

 The top team continues to steam roll the competition...

As it has happened all season long, McCaffrey and Mahomes have continued to dominate. However, this week was a little different with a big game from Landry - which was needed. Hernandez Hit Men is looking like the favorite from this point on, but anything can happen.

The Trashmen had a good season. Eventually, his lack of running backs caught up to him and he couldn't solely rely on Adams to carry his team. Without a huge game from Ertz, this was hopeless.

Result: Hernandez Hit Men
Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men....RIGHT!!
Competitor's Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men...RIGHT!!

2. White Condomints v 7. Team Dez Nuts

You know when you are watching a game and you know that one team is clearly better - but their coach makes a bonehead decision and you can't figure out why they decided to do that for the life of you - that is this matchup...

First, let's congratulate Team Dez Nuts for beating the best team in the playoffs and scoring the highest point total this week. Smith-Schuster was unreal this week and if anyone doubted the trade Dez Nuts made earlier in the season to pick him up - who is laughing now?

Now, if you were a manager and you picked up Spencer Ware after the Kareem Hunt debacle - wouldn't you play him? Isn't that the reason why you picked him up? Would you really play Adam Humphries over the starting running back in the best offense in the NFL? White Condomints - you freaking moron...

Next, if you made a trade midseason to acquire a defense specifically for the playoffs - why would you not start them? Why would you leave them on the bench? Like seriously, what are you doing with your life that Fantasy Football is not the number one priority???

Result: Team Dez Nuts
Prediction: White Condomints.... WRONG!!
Competitor's Prediction: White Condomints....WRONG!!

3. Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood v 6. Dang! I'M STILL STUPID

Now, this is eerily similar to March Madness. There is always one side of the bracket that gets thrown completely out of whack and the inferiors win games they shouldn't....

Not only did the 2 seed lose, but so did the 3 seed. I'M STILL DUMB won, even though Goff scored -.3 as a quarterback! When is the last time a fantasy team has won a matchup with negative points from a quarterback, in fact when is the last time a quarterback has scored negative points in the playoffs? Gronkowski finally had a good week and now that he has been passed around the league and finally found a home, he could make one owner extremely happy!

This was a close matchup going into MNF - but the game was ugly and so was the overall result for Mr. Rodgers. Thanks to no bonuses (which was voted upon) Barkley ends up scoring less that 30 points on a game when he rushed for 170 yards, if bonuses where turned on - he would have earned quite a few more points from the bonuses and who knows what would have happened.

Result: DANG IT! I'M STILL DUMB!!
Prediction: Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood....WRONG!!
Competitor's Prediction: Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood....WRONG!!

4. Steady Diet v 5. Prible is my B*tch

This week belonged to the underdog - as they ended up going 3-1 in the first round of the playoffs.

You can't kick a man when he is down, and let's be honest Steady Diet is down. A terrible way to end the season, 1-4 with a crushing loss in the playoffs. Funchess and Washington's defense didn't help the cause - but really? You can't score more than 100 points in the playoffs?

PIMB is looking like a dangerous team. If OBJ can return to full health and be ready for the 2nd round we will have a nice matchup between HHM and PIMB. Can the underdogs continue their success?

Result: PIMB wins
Prediction: PIMB...RIGHT!!
Competitor's Prediction: PIMB....RIGHT!!


Overall Record: 45-29
Competitor's Record: 44-28

Playoff Predictions

There are two types of people in this world....

A) People who love the holiday season

B) People who hate the holiday season


As the holiday season approaches you can't help but get excited for a little time with family and friends. Maybe you are a hot chocolate by the fire kind of person, roasting chestnuts, eating a yule log. Maybe you are a big family get together kind of person, checking out your third cousin (far enough separation?), playing old maid with your three aunts you only see during this time of the year. Which way you celebrate the holidays, there is no real wrong way - even if you are the type of person that sits on your phone looking at fantasy football stats and figuring the optimal lineup for the deep playoff run you are about to make!

This year our league has opened their arms and allowed 8 teams to make to the playoffs. Which means we now have 4 first round matchups, as oppose to two matchups and two byes (like when we only had 6 teams make the playoffs). Let's break it down....

1. Hernandez Hit Men v 8. The Trashmen

If you are in the playoffs you are rooting for The Trashmen. Nobody wants to face-off against Hernandez Hit men, and I mean  nobody.

It is going to take huge weeks from Ryan, Adams, and Ertz for The Trashmen to compete. Hines has finally found his role as the pass-catching running back for Indy. However, everyone else on The Trashmen roster either have a terrible matchup or they just simply can't be trusted. There is something to be said about a team that can't be trusted - they are a dangerous team to face-off against!

Hit Men have been on a roll ever since week one - with only one stumble along the way. Even without Gordon in the lineup this week Hit Men still sport the top quarterback, a top five running back, a reliable running back, a decent back-up running back, a top five tight end, and two wide receivers that have low floors and high ceilings. The only way this team loses is if everyone decides to have a down week.... at the same time. Even then Hit Men's down week has beaten many teams good weeks.

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men

2. White Condomints v 7. Team Dez Nuts

You remember the stumble that Hernandez Hit Men had in the regular season? White Condomints was the benefactor of that stumble. The difficult part about this matchup: Team Dez Nuts roster consists of multiple players that once spent time with White Condomints.

Team Dez Nuts is a team that barely made the playoffs - yet also was able to score 125 points last week with Luck having the worst week of his career! This team is the definition of scary. Lockett and Smith-Schuster are big play makers for high flying offenses. Martin has taken over the starting role for the Oakland Raiders. Travis Kelce is only the best tight end in the league. This team is sneaky good!

On the flip side, White Condomints has the best wide receiver tandem. Cohen has been a big playmaker for the Chicago Bears - who seem to try and get him the ball whenever they can. George Kittle is a poor man's Travis Kelce and Humphries lead his team in targets and receptions last week. If Prescott can have a decent week, this matchup should fall in favor of the two seed!

Prediction: White Condomints

3. Mr. Rodger's Neighborhood v 6. Dang it! I'm STILL Dumb!

Mr. Rodgers took advantage of the slippery slope that Steady Diet found themselves on at the end of the season and snatched the three seed. Mr. Rodgers has two terrific running backs, a third running back that was the lead back, but is coming off of injury. In all reality, Barkley and White will leaned heavily upon this week. Hilton has an injury that he has been nursing this week and with the tough defense he is matched up against - he is going to need to make a big play to salvage his week.

However, Dummy over here has a terrific group of receivers and a decent running back (David Johnson, in case you were unsure). This is going to be a matchup between running backs (Rodgers) and wide receivers (Dumb).

I do think that Mr. Rodgers gets a little more help from his "role players"

Prediction: Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood

4. Steady Diet v 5. Prible is my B*tch

One team is on a downward spiral and the other is riding the coat tails of its wide receiver playmakers.

Steady Diet look fantastic at the beginning of the year - mainly because Kamara was a freak, and he still is! Hill has the ability to explode at any given time, but this week he has the toughest secondary as his matchup - which means he will probably have a fantastic week! After those two? There is not much to lean on, especially consider Newton just threw four interceptions last week. He is going to need to rebound in a huge way if Steady Diet is going to make any noise in the playoffs and complete his journey for back-to-back championships!

PIMB has a team that is built for the playoffs. Watson is an extremely solid quarterback, who has a great matchup this week. Lindsay has been the surprise of the season and now solidifies PIMB at the running back position. Jones and Beckham are the second best tandem at wide receiver. Boyd has also been a fantastic surprise of the season. Look out league, PIMB is going to be making a deep run this year....

Prediction: Prible is my B*tch

Mwah

Regular Season Wrap-up

It is the end of the regular season and what a wonderful time it was. First let's go through some of the various end of the season awards....

MVP - Patrick Mahomes, Kansas City QB
This should come as no surprise to anyone involved with fantasy football, or the NFL for that matter. The front-runner for the MVP of the NFL was the highest scoring player in fantasy football. Not to mention, the next closest quarterback is close to 70 points away - talk about a degree of separation. Hernandez Hit Men was fortunate enough to have the best player in fantasy football and it has vaulted his team to the top of the league!

Best RB - Todd Gurley, LA Rams RB
This should also come as no surprise to anyone involved with fantasy football. Gurley finishes as the top running back in fantasy football - and he was expected to be. Gurley also finished as 2nd overall in the MVP standings. The difficult will be moving forward, as he will be in unfamiliar territory... Loser's Bracket.

Best WR - Tyreek Hill, Kansas City WR
Yes, I know Hill did not finish as the top wide receiver in the league - that honor belongs to Adam Theilen. However, Hill did record a few of the most explosive weeks this year. In his 12 game regular season schedule (fantasy football) Hill was able to surpass 30 points four times. Some owners might be against this type of "boom or bust" type of player, but there is no denying the fact that Hill is going to win you multiple games purely because of his explosive performances.

Best TE - Travis Kelce, Kansas City TE
It is no surprise that Kelce is the third player for Kansas City to make this list. Kelce has been the top wide receiver tight end in fantasy football from the get go. Ertz has made a strong case, but Kelce is the top dog and could really make a few waves in the postseason. With Kansas City releasing their starting running back, it could be Kelce who takes over games as the NFL season winds down.

Best K - ????
In a season where there have been a record number of misses - I refuse to name a best kicker. This is a message to all NFL kickers.... DO BETTER!! Because you know all the players in the NFL will be reading this blog.

Best DEF - Chicago
Khalil Mack

Best Waiver Wire Pickup - Phillip Lindsay, Denver RB
Lindsay has been a pleasant surprise for PIMB. Lindsay is currently the 11th ranked running back in fantasy football - which places him in the RB1 territory. Lindsay is going to make a run at the top ten during the postseason and his steadfast play will be one to monitor as PIMB attempts to make a deep run in the playoffs.

Steal of the Draft - James White, New England RB, drafted 79th overall
White is currently ranked as the 8th best running back in fantasy football and the 26th best player overall. White has been a huge reason why Mr. Rodgers finds himself in the playoffs and will be a huge part of his ability to make a run. White is averaging just under 20 points per week and outside of quarterbacks (who traditionally go low in the draft) he has the highest difference between player rank and draft position.

Swindle of the Year - The Trade that Never Happened
What if I told you... it was the first time in league history that a trade has been denied
What if I told you... both team owners agreed to the trade, but it was still denied
What if I told you... the media slandered the Comissioner's name and his position was questioned
ESPN 30 for 30: The Trade

But in all seriousness, the "Swindle of the Year" has to go to The J-Bones and his acquiring of James Conner just before week one started. What did he give up for the 5th ranked running back? Jimmy Graham. The difference in weekly output? Conner: 22.3 points Graham: 9.1 points

Postseason Team to Beat: White Condomints
Did you think I would ever say anyone else? WC has the best wide receiver tandem. WC has one of the most versatile running backs in the league - Cohen. Condomints also picked up the backup to his woman beating running back - Ware. Hernandez Hit Men.... Condomints is going to wrap you up! (See what I did there???)

Now let's get to the quick wrap-up of the final week...

White Condomints (11-2) v WeinerLover (7-6)

Message: Don't mess with White Condomints!

Even after the video fiasco and losing Kareem Hunt, White Condomints was still able to score the highest points this week, making him one of the top teams to beat. It is interesting as his first round matchup will be against many of his former players.

WeinerLover was already in the playoffs before this week started. It looked as if he gave his guys a little rest - this time next week they better have performed a little better or it could be an early exit for The Lover of Weiners.

Message Sent...

Result: White Condomints
Prediction: White Condomints.... RIGHT!!
Competitor's Prediction: OSCARMEYER WEINERLOVER.... WRONG!!

The Trashmen (6-7) v Col. Morad (3-10)

With this win, The Trashmen guaranteed themselves a playoff spot - and it was needed. The Trashmen avoided a disaster by staying away from the huge mess at 5-8 and forced his way into the playoffs. His reward? Playing the number 1 seed, Hernandez Hit Men.

The writing was on the wall for Col. Morad well before this week, but still a controversial move to leave Fournette in the lineup. Not that he would have made up the difference, but if he would have The Trashmen might have lost and not made the playoffs. What could have been!

Result: The Trashmen
Prediction: The Trashmen.... RIGHT!!
Competitor's Prediction: The Trashmen.... RIGHT!!

Steady Diet (9-4) v Sagging TD's (2-11)

Talk about limping into the playoffs - Steady Diet has hit a downward spiral. At least this week Steady Diet avoided the record book for the lowest point total in a week, even if it was by .2 of a point. Steady Diet is still a scary team to face in the playoffs, with Tyreek Hill and Kamara both having the ability to score over 40 points at any given time.

Sagging TD's has been abysmal this whole season. Part of it would be because of injuries, part of it would be because of matchups. Either way, not a good season - but a fantastic way to end it!

Result: Sagging TD's
Prediction: Steady Diet.... WRONG!!
Competitor's Prediction: Steady Diet... WRONG!!

Mike McCarthy is Gay (3-10) v M. Rodger Neighborhood (9-4)

MMIG had a rough season - even if Thielen was on the roster! You would have thought a team with Brady and his number one receiver (Edelman) might have been more productive - guess not!

Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood has been riding Barkley all season long and he hopes to continue this adventure into the postseason. Mr. R is one of the top teams and has found a few gems along the way. James White has turned into an extremely valuable running back and he will be relied upon for success.

Result: Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood
Prediction: Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood.... RIGHT!!
Competitor's Prediction: Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood.... RIGHT!!

Prible is My B*tch (9-4) v Hoosier Daddy (5-8)

Hoosier Daddy's season has come to an end - as he needed to win this week to even have a chance at making the playoffs. However, it does turn out that even if he did win - he would have lost out on the tiebreaker through points. It is amazing to me that a team with Russell Wilson and Todd Gurley find themselves on the outside looking in.

PIMB has done the dirty work that no other playoff team could do last year: knock out Todd Gurley. Lindsay has become one the best players for a roster that also includes Julio Jones, OBJ, and Watson. How unreal is that? Talk about a tremendous pickup - PIMB is sending a message with this big win, this is a team to be afraid of!

Result: PIMB
Prediction: PIMB.... RIGHT!!
Competitor's Prediction: Hoosier Daddy.... WRONG!!

Team Dez Nuts (6-7) v Hernandez Hit Men (12-1)

Hernandez Hit Men continues to roll over the competition - this makes it 10 weeks scoring more than 130 points (with one week being 129.6). Let it be known, if you want to beat HHM - you need to score points! Run CMC has become one the best running backs in football and Chubb has been a pleasant surprise. Let's be honest - who doesn't like a nice Chubb!

Dez Nuts winds up losing this week - but still locks up a playoff spot. In fact, Dez Nuts scored enough points that they are not even the last seed to make the playoffs. Dez Nuts beats out The Trashmen by one point to avoid this same matchup in round 1 of the playoffs! Hopefully Luck and Vinny get the message and show up or it could be an early exit for those Nuts.

Result: Hernandez Hit Men
Prediction: Team Dez Nuts.... WRONG!!
Competitor's Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men.... RIGHT!!

The J-Bones (5-8) v Grau's Beeyatch (5-8)

The J-Bones did everything in their power and came within inches of claiming a playoff spot from the grave! The J-Bones did have the toughest schedule, their opponents scored a total 1688.4 points and the next closest? 1617.4 points. Unlucky, but there is always next year!

Grau's Beeyatch also had a shot at the playoffs - but was unable to close the deal! Everyone except for Elliott and Cooper (both Thursday night games) underperformed, and that is not a recipe for success!! Good luck to both teams in the consolation bracket - I am sure you will be extremely concerned about the outcome!

Result: The J-Bones
Prediction: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!
Competitor's Prediction: Grau's Beeyatch... WRONG!!

Season Record: 43-27
Competitor Record: 42-28