Draft Day

Annnnnnnnddddddd..... we are back! We have some new faces with the same old teams, let's hope these boys can stay out of cell block D. No shocker after the draft, the best teams always rise to the top - at least according to the DDA - if we have learned anything, it is that you can not trust the computer to take care of things. It is just a shame that we can not not shame a certain previous owner about his team and drafting 14 kickers and 15 defenses. On to the good stuff...

We could talk about the ESPN Rankings, but nobody gives sh*t that 1st Downs Syndrome won the rankings. Do the experts even know anything? We all know what really matters... the D.D.A - and if you don't like your ranking, then show the hell up to the draft!

D.D.A Rankings

1. Chips, Salsa, and Caucamole

Sleeper: Kyle Pitts - will this finally be the year he shows what he has always been capable of?

Question Mark: Jameson Williams - the question mark goes to last year's 22nd overall wide receiver, last I checked 28 WR's have to be rostered and this team has 3 in the top 22.

2. ARBL

Sleeper: Rhamodre Stevenson - his job is questionable - and he is boom or bust, sooooo you just never know

Question Mark: Tyreek Hill - could score 25/could score 5... plus we all know he didn't want to be in Miami at the end of last season

3. The J-Bones

Sleeper: Mark Andrews - if this old man can turn back the clock, he could be THE number one receiver in Baltimore

Question Mark: Omarion Hampton - cue McGregor's "Who the fook is this guy?"

4. Ertz when Eifert

Sleeper: Jordan Addison - what will he do when he returns from suspension?

Question Mark: David Montgomery - this TD vulture is very dependent on stealing redzone carries, and why would you ever want to take out the number 1 fantasy RB from last year (who has him?)

5. 1st Downs Syndrome

Sleeper: Isiah Pacheco - this guy has major upside, but could also bottom out - could easily end up top 20 RB this season if things pan out his way

Question Mark: Christian McCaffrey - obviously this is all dependent on injuries and if he can stay healthy - I am not betting on a 16 game season for CMC 

6. 2 A.P.

Sleeper: Quinshon Judkins - if he is as good as he was college, could be good with not a lot of competition

Question Mark: Chuba Hubbard - let's be honest, can you really trust anyone that plays for the Carolina Panthers?

7. Cocaine Cowboys

Sleeper: Tyler Allgeier - a true handicap to his number 1 pick, should injury happen - this guy could be a monster

Question Mark: Trey McBride - does anybody love their TE more than Kyler Murray... but then again, it is Kyler Murray

8. Slender TD's

Sleeper: Dalton Kincaid - the starting job is his and there isn't a ton of superb receivers in Buffalo, lot of upside here

Question Mark: Breece Hall - who has more rushing yards this season Justin Fields of Breece Hall?

9. Tush Push

Sleeper: Matthew Golden - he has an opportunity to become Love's favorite target and Green Bay seems to never have any healthy WR's for him to fight with

Question Mark: Ashton Jeanty - could be good oooorrrrr could get absolutely murdered in Las Vegas

10. MAYEday

Sleeper: Deebo Samuel - once an absolute stud... could make a tremendous slot guy Jayden to throw the ball to

Question Mark: James Conner - the same could be said as was said for Breece Hall... Murray or Connor with more rushing yards at the end of the season?

11. Bootay Pirates

Sleeper: Brandon Aiyuk - has the talent to finish as a top 5 WR... but will he be utilized correctly?

Question Mark: Garrett Wilson - never trust a WR with Justin Fields as your QB... this is the guy who beat out by Mr. Unlimited last year

12. Barely Know Her

Sleeper: Emeka Egbuka - has all the potential in the world, but Tampa has a crowded WR room

Question Mark: Brian Thomas, Jr - when your team is kicking 70 yard field goals, how much faith do they have picking up first downs?

13. A.R.'s Finger

Sleeper: Keon Coleman - if Josh Allen decides to throw to a receiver if should go his way... the key word is "if"

Question Mark: Malik Nabers - I love Malik Nabers - I hate the Mr. Unlimited or the crab thief throwing the ball

14. Cleveland Steamers

Sleeper: Tetairoa McMillan - we don't know him and Scott picked him, soooooo he could be really good?

Question Mark: Ladd McConkey - long neck Ladd is still in a Harbaugh system that prefers to run the ball - do you want your starting WR with that happening?

Draft Notes:

Tush Push not only has the arguably the youngest team, with 3 rookies, they also selected back to back write-ins with Nick Chubb and Keenan Allen.

Nearly, half the picks in the first two rounds were RBs (13) and only 2 teams went RB/RB (Chips and Salsa and D. Syndrome).

Only, 3 teams did not select a RB in the first two rounds (2 AP/Steamers/ARFinger), with 2 AP taking their first RB in Round 3/Finger taking their first RB in Round 4/Steamers picking their first RB in Round 5 - 23 RB's were selected before their first RB.

Steamers selected the first defense (Denver Broncos) in round 10 and ARBL drafted the first K (Brandon Aubrey) in round 10.

Last Season's Top Performers and their draft position...

QB: Lamar Jackson, drafted 31st this year by ARBL

RB: Jahmyr Gibbs, drafted 4th this year by Chips and Salsa

WR: Ja'Marr Chase, drafted 1st this year by 2AP

TE: Brock Bowers, drafted 20th this year by AR Finger

DEF: Denver Broncos, drafted 135th this year by Steamers

K: Chris Boswell, drafted 189th this year by Ertz Eifert

In fact, let's break it down a little more....

I created a formula to rank players (only looking at QB/RB/WR/TE) for the upcoming season: (Last Year's End Rank+This Year's Projected Rank)/2. Obviously, this has some flaws in reference to injuries/trades/offensive scheme changes/etc. But what this essentially does is measure who grabbed the best ranked players in their position based on past and future. If the player on your team was not in the top selected quota, they were given a score of the max amount of players +10. Annnnnnddddd... since I am a golf coach, the lower the team score the better.

14. 1st Downs Syndrome: 33.89

13. A.R. Finger: 32.96

12. 2 A.P.: 32.89

11. Streamers: 31.79

10. Slender TD's: 31.36

9. Deez Lutz: 30.32

8. J-Bones: 30.25

7. Tush Push: 29.75

6. Bootay Pirates: 29.71

5. ARBL: 27.92

4. Cocaine Cowboys: 27.25

3. Barely Know Her: 26.29

2. Ertz when Eifert: 26.11

1. Chips and Salsa: 25.43

A few thoughts... clearly, this takes into consideration the bench heavily - since I averaged every player on your team and many of those players may never see the starting lineup. Also, if you were to draft a player that is a "handcuff" they have a higher upside than their score. However, the big issue was - what do you with rookies? They have no previous experience - so I gave them a middle of the pack rating for the previous year.... which did effect some teams for the good and some teams for the bad.

Either way, SUCK IT B*TCHES!

My final thought is a poem I just wrote...

As we sit on our golden thrones tinkering away

Switching players, adjusting lineups, what's the play?

The season is starting, who should I trade?

Is this the right start or is this a fade?

Don't worry, you are going to lose - my lineup belongs in the Louvre

And If I lose, I'll go crazy... I might even pull a Power Move

With Love

Commish

End of the Regular Season

Listen there isn't much time, if I am fittin' to pull off this upset in Round 1 of the playoffs - I can't be focusing on this blog. I have so many things to do: rosters to pour over, starting line-ups to tinker with, dumps to be taken, rosterbating, then more tinkering, then one final rosterbate and I am good for the week. You know how long that takes? Hours upon hours - I am bone dry by the time I am done. I have to make specialty hydration drinks for this week and the amount of batin' to be done. So let's just jump straight to what happened last week.

A) Predictions for the Week: 6-1

B) Mystery Guest predictions for the Week: 5-2

C) I am currently up 2 games on him.... but we will let it ride into the playoffs with a bracket prediction all the way through... something tells me a round 1 matchup will have large determination on the outcome of this prediction battle.

D) Ankle Holster moved into 1st place, earned his $20 back (I will hold onto in case some more needs added).

E) MAYEday and Heat Hicks squeak into the playoffs with big wins in the final week.

F) The J-Bones 2.0 lose the scoring title by 7 points and fail to make the playoffs.

Before we jump into the final playoff prediction portion of the post... let's give out some awards for the season....

Regular Season MVP: Ja'marr Chase, MAYEday

This is the first season in a while that I can remember this award being an extremely close race. It was essentially a two man battle between Chase and Barkley. Both players have explosion weeks and both players are top in their position. I personally love having a solid RB I can rely, but there is no denying the power of Chase. Barkley has scored 46 more fantasty points than the 2nd RB... which is ridiculous. However, Chase has scored 82 more points than the 2nd WR. For me, it is the separate that gives this one to Chase.

Steal of the Draft: Brock Bowers, Connor's Stallions

For those keeping track, he was drafted in round 9 - as the 118th pick! He is ranked as the 15th best non-QB. Let's be real, the Raid-ahs suck and that helps Bowers score so many fantasy points - but does that really matter? Everyone is looking for a solid TE that they can rely on and not have to worrying and in a year when Kelce/Laporta/Andrews have started to fade away - finding this gem was a definite diamond in the rough!

Swing of the Season: Heat Hicks traded DJ Moore for Puka Nacua (MAYEday)

Now for true stat purposes, DJ Moore is ranked 14th and Puka is ranked 27th. However, the trade was made during Puka's injury portion of the season and he is now averaging 5 more points than DJ. Some people think, this doesn't sound like a lot - but you really compare the last 5 weeks the separation gets larger. Puka has outscore DJ 4 out of the last 5 weeks and is averaging 11 points more (thanks to his final week outburst). Not to say that DJ is no slouch, but Puka is looking like a top 5 fantasy WR at the moment.

Team Free Agency: Tyrone Tracy Jr., Cleveland Streamers

Let's be honest, I am not searching through every single waive wire pickup... didn't you see how much batin' I had to do? However, in a league where RB's are few and far between Streamers found this guy... who has quietly put together a decent season for struggling Giants team. If you remove the first four weeks (Giants didn't realize how good he was), he is averaging top 20 RB numbers. Anybody in this league would take that... and I mean anybody.

Team to Beat: Heat Hicks

Call it a homer pick, call blog bias... I call it, "Come F*ckin Get it!" If you want stats to prove it, Heat Hicks is projected the most points in week 1, they have decent matchups in week 2, and they welcome back JK Dobbins in the championship week. If you want me to pick a team not named Eat a Bag of Dicks... I look forward to seeing Connor's Stallions in the championship!

Alright, have it - let's hear the complaints!

Now on to the bracket predictions...

Fantasy Guru Bracket

Round 1

8. Heat Hicks v 1. Ankle Holster

Prediction: Heat Hicks

5. The J-Bones v 4. Cleveland Streamers

Prediction: Cleveland Streamers

6. Cocaine Cowboys v 3. Ertz when Eifert

Prediction: Cocaine Cowboys

7. MAYEday v 2. Connor's Stallions

Prediction: Connor's Stallions

Round 2

8. Heat Hicks v 4. Cleveland Streamers

Prediction: Heat Hicks

6. Cocaine Cowboys v 2. Connor's Stallions

Prediction: Connor's Stallions

Championship

8. Heat Hicks v 2. Connor's Stallions

Mystery Guest Bracket

Round 1

8. Heat Hicks v 1. Ankle Holster

Prediction: Ankle Holster

5. The J-Bones v 4. Cleveland Streamers

Prediction: Cleveland Streamers

6. Cocaine Cowboys v 3. Ertz when Eifert

Prediction: Cocaine Cowboys

7. MAYEday v 2. Connor's Stallions

Prediction: MAYEday

Round 2

4. Cleveland Streamers v 1. Ankle Holster

Prediction: Ankle Holster

7. MAYEday v 6. Cocaine Cowboys

Prediction: MAYEday

Championship Round

7. MAYEday v 1. Ankle Holster

Prediction: Ankle Holster

As always, it has been a great season - one for the books... try not to watch too much WNBA!

With Love

Commish

Week 13 Results/Final Week Predicktions

What a penultimate week this was... you would think that things would be crystal clear and we would know who needs what at this point. NOPE. Instead, we are have a jumbled mess right in the middle of the league... it is like when you get ghost pooped. You feel like you got to take a dump and you think you have a nice understanding about what disastrous scene is getting ready to happen. Nope, out of nowhere - it is just a fart.... we just got farted this week. Here is what happened this week...

Matchup of the Week

Connor's Stallions (8-5) v Ertz when Eifert (10-3)

Predicktion: Connor's Stallions... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Connor's Stallions... RIGHT!!

Who didn't see this coming... at this rate, you want to squeak in and play Ertz early in the playoff with a chance to pull off the upset.

Heat Hicks (6-7) v The J-Bones 2.0 (6-7)

Predicktion: Heat Hicks... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones 2.0... WRONG!!

This is one of those matchups that only tightened the middle of the pack, the breakdown will be provided further down the blog.

MAYEday (6-7) v Bootay Pirates (3-10)

Predicktion: MAYEday... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: MAYEday... RIGHT!!

This was another matchup that we saw coming and it added another team in the mix. MAYEday is right there, obviously Bootay Pirates is out of it and it was a good run and Bootay has made it a great career.

Ankle Holster (9-4) v PEN15 Wrinkle (4-9)

Predicktion: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!

Ankle Holster is fighting for seeds... already made the playoffs, most likely going to end up the 1st or 3rd seed - but there is a scenario they finish lower. PEN15 is now eliminated!

Love Hurts (6-7) v Pendulous TD's (6-7)

Predicktion: Pendulous TD's... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Love Hurts... WRONG!!

This was a key matchup for mixing things up in the middle... these teams now represent the 4th and 5th team tied at 6-7.

ARBL (4-9) v Cocaine Cowboys (8-5)

Predicktion: Cocaine Cowboys... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys... RIGHT!!

Holy Jerry Jeudy!! The Browns may lose a lot of games, but at least their offense attempts to score points with Winston at QB. 

The J-Bones (7-6) v Cleveland Streamers (8-5)

Predicktion: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Well, I got the Bucky Irving part right... but I didn't see a outburst from Evans/McBride/Dowdle coming... woof.

Season Predictions: 45-39

Mystery Guest: 44-40

Well, well, well.... would you look at that - someone is back on top!

Now if you skipped the pleasantries and jumped to the predictions portion, you have come to the right spot. But first let's look at what we don't know and what we do know...

Playoff Bound

Ertz when Eifert

Ankle Holster

Connor's Stallions

Cocaine Cowboys

Cleveland Streamers

Still Fighting

The J-Bones

The J-Bones 2.0

Heat Hicks

Love Hurts

MAYEday

Pendulous TD's

Eliminated

ARBL

Bootay Pirates

PEN15 Wrinkle

Somethings to note....

A) There has been discussion of the disparity of the divisions. One division has 4 teams that already in the playoffs and have a record of 8-5 or better. However, if you look at points scored... the top three spots are in the other division - seems like things are actually pretty even.

B) 5 of the 6 teams in the hunt are sitting at the same record... which means you need to win to even have a chance of getting into the playoffs. However, none of those 5 teams actually play each other in the final "Rivalry" week - so it could get really crazy.

Matchup of the Week

Connor's Stallions (8-5) v Cleveland Streamers (8-5)

Rivals: These two have been the most recent winners of the league. Connor's Stallions won it last year and Cleveland Streamers won it the year before.

Stallions Fighting For: 2nd seed... a win locks up the 2nd seed in the playoffs. A loss and they could drop down in seeding, but they are still in the playoffs.

Streamers Fighting For: A possible 3rd seed.... they are already in, they can't get the 2nd seed (1st and 2nd seed reserved for the winners of the divisions). However, they could catch Ankle Holster with a win and outscoring them by 30 points... other than that, they are in the playoffs.

Predicktion: Cleveland Streamers

Mystery Guest: Connor's Stallions

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-9) v Heat Hicks (6-7)

Rivals: If you have tracked the beef between these two owners... or just walked the halls and heard the yelling - you know. One doesn't show up to the draft then complains about his team... one stands up for what is true and righteous and tries to shut him up. Then the complaints about the blog... just plenty of hostility to go around.

Wrinkle Fighting For: They are eliminated... but wouldn't it be fun to eliminate your rival at the same time? Who doesn't want to see that?

Hicks Fighting For: Win and they have a chance at getting in... they are currently sitting just outside the bubble, but if 3 of the teams tied at 6-7 lose and Heat Hicks wins... they are in for sure. There is also the points scored tie-breaker which could break someone's heart.

Predicktion: Heat Hicks

Mystery Guest: Heat Hicks

Pendulous TD's (6-7) v Cocaine Cowboys (8-5)

Rivals: Some might call it the battle of the halls... there are 3 teams from the same location and one has been called out from the beginning of the season. Which leaves these two to battle for the MS Hallways... not too mention something hefty on the line for the Titty Man.

TD's Fighting For: Playoffs... same boat as Heat Hicks... Step 1: Win... Step 2: See if other 6-7 teams lose... Step 3: Score enough points to win tie-breakers if enough teams don't lose.

Cowboys Fighting For: Nothing but pride. Technically they could move up a seed, but they will end up finishing between 4-6 and be comfortably in the playoffs.

Predicktion: Pendulous TD's

Mystery Guest: Pendulous TD's

Ankle Holster (9-4) v Love Hurts (6-7)

Rivals: Nothing better than a brothers quarrel... In the previous matchup the big brother got the better end of the battle... how does that saying go? Something a house divided.

Holster Fighting For: 1st seed... if they win and Ertz loses, Holster should get the first seed... after that they could drop as low as 5... but will most likely finish 3rd.

Hurts Fighting For: Playoffs... Love Hurts is apart of that 5 team scramble to make 2 spots... the issue lies in the fact that they are very low on the tie-breaker totem pole. They need to win and have 3 other 6-7 teams lose in order to make it.

Predicktion: Ankle Holster

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Ertz when Eifert (10-3) v ARBL (4-9)

Rivals: The two newest members to join the league... both are on opposite ends of the league, but it would be a little sweet revenge to finish off the season with a win and letting the battle of the newbies be squared up for ARBL.

Ertz Fighting For: 1st seed... top dawg in the regular season get's their buy-in back... which means this is a big week. A win here solidifies the 1st seed... a loss and they could drop as low as 3rd - nothing lower.

ARBL Fighting For: Pride... eliminated from the playoffs... but do you really want to go out like a punk b*tch? No? Then beat the supposed top team in the league and send a message for next year.

Predicktion: ARBL

Mystery Guest: ARBL

MAYEday (6-7) v Bootay Pirates (3-10)

Rivals: There seems to be a certain damsel that these two are fighting over... she tends to confide in both... one is her mentor and one is her long-time friend - who will the battle? If anything, maybe she will pull your name for 1st pick next year, eh, eh?

MAYE Fighting For: Playoff hunt... currently sitting at 8th... but that by way of the tie-breaker with 12 more points scored than Heat Hicks. Easiest way is to win and win with lots of points. It could come down to a tie-breaker if a few 6-7 teams win... need points.

Pirates Fighting For: Who knows? And don't ask him either, he will just yell at you for caring or for asking anything about anything. And definitely don't ask him about polygenital genes.

Predicktion: MAYEday

Mystery Guest: MAYEday

The J-Bones (7-6) v The J-Bones 2.0 (6-7)

Rivals: If you actually came to the draft, you know why. The whole reason behind the team names. The logo change. One team has taken multiples players from the other team and thus attempted to recreate the success. The only way to prove it... win.

JB Fighting For: Playoffs... win and you are in... simple as that. Lose and you enter the muddled mess that is right behind you. Most likely you are in... with a large lead in the tie-breaker department... but let's just win.

JB 2.0 Fighting For: Playoffs... it is wild the current 2nd leading scorer in the league has a scenario where they don't get in. If they lose and 3 other 6-7 teams win... they are out. Imagine this, they lose by less than 4 points... both teams score a ton of points... they finish the league 1st in points scored... and not in the playoffs... wild.

Predicktion: The J-Bones 2.0

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones 2.0

Be on the lookout for the final season wrap-up with awards and playoffs predicktions next week.

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, PEN15 Wrinkle - may your entire lineup be forced to watch an entire WNBA game filled with layups, dribbling, passing and more layups.

With Love

Commish

Week 12 Results/Week 13 Predicktions

Let's just skip the pleasantries... it is Thanksgiving week - which means we have two days of school and less time for me to write the blog. So what will happen is this...

This Week's Predicktions: 4-3

Mystery Guest: 3-4

Which puts the season standings at...

Fantasy Sensei: 39-38

Mystery Guest: 40-37

The real reason why we are skipping past some of the opening vagina monologues is because we have business to attend. 

Bootay Pirates has been eliminated from the playoff running. Which now means his team is off limits for trading - not that he was going to make any trades anyways. Rumor on the street was he wasn't even the one running the team. If this does happen to be the final run for the Bootay Pirates manager - it has been a good career. He has hoisted the Ron Jeremy trophy twice (back-to-back years) and forever be remembered as the Jim Plunkett of the league. For those that don't know... Plunkett won the NFL Super Bowl twice, but he has more interceptions than touchdowns and never threw for more than 3,000 yards in season. Yet, somehow Mr. Plunkett has two Super Bowls.... suck it Dan Marino.

The next issue to attend, PEN15 Wrinkle and ARBL are still technically alive. They have 1 percent chance to make the playoffs - which means one more loss and they are done and even if they win out they need a lot of help!

ARBL should also be reminded that we now have two teams to secure their playoff spot. Ertz when Eifert (who once again scored in the bottom 3 but still won) and Ankle Holster. I think there might be some long-standing bet between ARBL and Ankle Holster - but don't shoot the messenger.

Let's jump down to the penultimate weekly matchup's...

Matchup of the Week

Connor's Stallions (7-5) v Ertz when Eifert (10-2)

This matchup between two teams at the top of the division will have a massive impact on the race for the 1 and 2 seed. For those keeping track, Ertz just has his opponent's points against cross the 1,000 point barrier for the season 2 weeks ago. Yes, it took his opponents 11 weeks to get there and then this week he wins with the 3rd fewest total again. Truthfully, this team is either destined to win it all or they will crumble in the first round of the playoffs. On the flip side, Stallions have been up and down and up and down. They started the season winning 6 out of 7 weeks and now have lost 4 out of 5 weeks. This is a big week for them and they have the firepower to make something happen. I like Stallions to come out with a big win and make the race for the top of the Rock Hard division their's to lose.

Predicktion: Connor's Stallions

Mystery Guest: Connor's Stallions

Heat Hicks (5-7) v The J-Bones 2.0 (6-6)

This is a very interesting matchup between two teams that are in the middle of the pack record wise, but at in vastly different positions playoff race wise. The J-Bones 2.0 have scored the most points in the league - so they will win any tie-breaker with records. Which means, even if Heat Hicks wins - they will still be behind JB 2.0. It will take a big week from Heat Hicks to keep up in the race. On the flip side, JB 2.0 has arguably the Offensive Player of the Year (Barkley) and Kamara comes off the bye - look for fireworks in this matchup. Call it a homer pick, it is what it is....

Predicktion: Heat Hicks

Mystery Guest: JB 2.0

MAYEday (5-7) v Bootay Pirates (3-9)

It is really as simple as this: Ja'marr Chase is coming off the bye and has had a full week of rest and preparation? Give me MAYEday for the win.

Predicktion: MAYEday

Mystery Guest: MAYEday

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-8) v Ankle Holster (8-4)

Each team has their own individual race they are competing in. Wrinkle is trying to just stay alive.... although he might as well just bite the curb - it happening big guy! Ankle Holster is still clinging to hopes of getting the top seed in the their division. If this matchup goes his way and Ertz when Eifert loses... they have a chance. This matchup is a landslide... it is like David and Goliath - except this time David is rockless.

Predicktion: Ankle Holster

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Love Hurts (6-6) v Pendulous TD's (5-7)

This is another middle of the pack matchup that will have ripple effects across the league. Why such an effect? Love Hurts is 6-6 and in the playoffs record-wise, but they are sitting at 11th for points scored - which means they would lose virtually every tie-breaker. They only way they still in the race is to keep winning or put up a bunch of points in a hurry. On the flip side, Pendulous is sitting at 8th for points scored and they have a legit chance to really shift things in their favor. Should they win, they will jump Love Hurts and move inside the playoff cut. Look for CMC and Achane to carry the load and then Burrow to cash-in on restful bye week.

Predicktion: Pendulous TD's

Mystery Guest: Love Hurts

ARBL (4-8) v Cocaine Cowboys (7-5)

This is a "crucial" matchup... I say that - but it really only important for one team. ARBL is on the brink of elimination and even if they win, they are probably still not making it. However, Cocaine needs one more win to lock up a spot. They have two good chances in the final two weeks - this week against ARBL and next week against Pendulous TD's. The odd part for Cocaine - they can't really win their division and they shouldn't just completely fall apart to get knocked out of the playoffs... it like they are just waiting 2 weeks for it to really matter. Either way, I like the Cocaine Cowboys to put the final nail in the coffin for ARBL's run.

Predicktion: Cocaine Cowboys

Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys

The J-Bones (7-5) v Cleveland Streamers (7-5)

As it stands right now, The J-Bones would get the number 2 seed, by way of winning their division. Also, as it stands, Cleveland Streamers needs one more win to lock up a playoff spot. This matchup is projected for the most points combined points and could be what many would consider the MotW 2.0. Honestly, this is going to be a close one - Lamb and Tracy Jr. play against each other (with neither opposing defenses looking great). King Henry is doing 23 year old King Henry things and Herbert looks more efficient every week. I think that The J-Bones take this one with a big performance from none other than.......................... "Lucky" Bucky Irving.

Predicktion: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, The J-Bones 2.0 - may your entire lineup be forced to watch an entire WNBA game filled with layups, dribbling, passing and more layups.

With Love

Commish

Week 12 Predicktions

Dear Diary,

This is a big week in my life... we are pretty much in the push for the playoffs in my Fantasy Football league and I don't want to be on the outside looking in. There is nothing that I can really do about it - my best player is on the bye - just start who I can and hope it is enough. I might even skip the weekly rosterbate session to see if that will be bring me good luck. I will check back with after this week.

Love

Me

P.S. - That cute girl looked at me when we were eating dinner, I think I might try and bed her tonight.

If we were diary writing men - maybe you are? - we might be seeing this entry a lot this week. It is an important week for a few teams....

Bootay Pirates and ARBL - need to win to stay alive in the race, probably need help as well

Heat Hicks - need to win at the bare minimum 2 of the last 3 weeks... that is with help from other teams.

J-Bones 2.0/Pendulous TD's - both are sitting at 5-6 and square-off this week, this is a big matchup for the middle of the pack.

Ertz when Eifert - they now hold a 2 game lead with a matchup against Bootay Pirates this week - a win here would do wonders for their bid for the top spot

Reminder, the trade deadline is November 29th - which means that if you want to make a trade for the push at the end of the season.... probably need to happen sooner rather than later!

Matchup of the Week

Connor's Stalions (7-4) v Ankle Holster (7-4)

This matchup is between these two teams is pretty important for both teams and their fight for positioning. Connor's Stalions is current the top team of their division... which means they are in line for either the 1 seed or the 2 seed. They need to keep winning and they will fill in one of those spots - if they lose, it will come down to help from other teams. Ankle Holster is looking to try and fight for getting a top spot in their division - currently they are 4th.... but 3 teams are tied at 7-4 and they are within 20 points of each other. Stalions have a good matchup with Daniels and Robinson Jr. getting Dallas' defense and ARSB plays against a sorry Indianapolis team. On the flip side, Ankle Holster is losing out on Breece Hall this week.... you know what that means!

Predicktion: Connor's Stalions

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Heat Hicks (4-7) v MAYEday (5-6)

What happens when you take two teams fighting for a playoff spot and you have each team's best player go on the bye? Complete chaos on who to start and how to try and get points. At the time of this writing, Heat Hicks is starting Jaleel McLaughlin and Calvin Ridley at the Flex... will that remain? On the flip side, MAYE needs to find replacements for Chase/Engram/Koo... which should be able to be done with the bench. The bigger question is, will there be a trade as these teams try to find ways to get much needed wins down the stretch.

Predicktion: Heat Hicks

Mystery Guest: MAYEday

ARBL (3-8) v Cleveland Streamers (7-4)

This is a big week, although it might not matter, for ARBL. They must win out and they must have specific teams lose to even stay alive. If that does not happen, they will be eliminated and their team will be locked for trading. On one hand, Cleveland Streamers will not have to think about who to start - 6 players on the bench, including Drake London/Chase Brown/Brian Thomas Jr. It will be tough on them, but also will it matter? ARBL has failed to break 90 points in the last 4 straight weeks... the bar is set low for Cleveland Streamers.

Predicktion: Cleveland Streamers

Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers

Bootay Pirates (3-8) v Ertz when Eifert (9-2)

Is this the matchup between the "best" team and the "worst" team? Possibly. Ertz has the belt and Bootay is tied for the worst record. Bootay is going to be missing a ton of their starters and (shocker) Ertz will not be. It seems like the season has just really worked out well for Ertz... and they are taking advantage of it. Bootay - if you are out there, if you are listening.... you need to do something to switch it up... make a trade, pick someone up, do something - because this is pretty much your last week.

Predicktion: Ertz when Eifert

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates

The J-Bones (6-5) v Cocaine Cowboys (7-4)

I don't know about you, but I look forward to being at basement where it all started and watching the games with both these owners in the room. If I am being completely honest, I will be pulling for Cocaine (it is easier for my team to reach The J-Bones) - but I don't see this going that way. If the Cleveland Streamers have a team that makes you say, "How are they winning?" then The J-Bones have a team that makes you go, "How do they lose?"

Predicktion: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

The J-Bones 2.0 (5-6) v Pendulous TD's (5-6)

You want to talk about a key matchup.... we got it right here. Both teams are missing some key starters for the bye, but make no excuse - this is a must win for both teams. Dropping to 5-7 makes it a near impossible task to comeback - nearly. The advantage goes to Pendulous with Burrow going on the bye, but they have Goff stashed on their bench and he gets to play a porous Indy defense. On the flip side, JB 2.0 has Kamara going on the bye - but they welcome back Pacheco. This could be a season saver! I still like Pendulous in this one, but who knows? Maybe a move or two could switch things up.

Predicktion: Pendulous TD's

Mystery Guest: Pendulous TD's

Love Hurts (5-6) v PEN15 Wrinkle (4-7)

You know what really kills a team? When you are relying on Jordan Mason and you just know that eventually CMC is going to take his job completely.... it seems like that has definitely happened. It was a good run while it lasted for Wrinkle. Love Hurts gets Marvin Harrison Jr back in the lineup and Ekeler gets to play against Dallas. I think this could be a good week for Love Hurts and Wrinkle is really going to need Pickens and Andrews to step-up. You know what also hurts a teams chances to make the palyoffs? Not coming to the draft party and sucking on the toes of a dead turtle instead.

Predicktion: Love Hurts

Mystery Guest: Love Hurts

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, MAYEday - may your entire lineup be forced to watch an entire WNBA game filled with layups, dribbling, passing, and more layups.

With Love

Commish

Week 11 Results

A calf cavern

A massage for the lowers

A blanket for the piggies

A foot vagina

All these are what I like to refer to a brand new pair of socks. When you slide that puppy over the foot and you feel the fresh cotton on your skin.... ohhhhhhhhhhh baby - I am gonna need a minute. I might just start a softcore Feet Finder and have it be feet putting on new pairs of socks. It would be like normal porn playing backwards... a real psyche job for the brain.

Everyone has them... weird things that they do to help soothe their brains. Mine is socks and jerking my rocks... a certain manager in the league really loves to fluff his clothing. What a straight-up Hallmark card gayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Some managers in here turn to libations to ease the pain... either way, when you face a terrible defeat - you gotta soothe away the pain.

Matchup of the Week

Ertz when Eifert (9-2) v Heat Hicks (4-7)

It is not surprising to see Ertz have a big week... but a belt win?!?!? It always rings true... I will talk trash about a team and then when I play them, they have their best week. Ertz remains solely in 1st place and will look to hold onto it as they face the Bootay Pirates next week. On the flip side, this was not a good week for Heat Hicks, they take a loss and now drop outside of the playoff push - but there is a hodge podge at the bottom. It will be a good finish to the season if they win these next two weeks and make the last week worthwhile.

Prediction: Heat Hicks.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Heat Hicks... WRONG!!

Cleveland Streamers (7-4) v Love Hurts (5-6)

I mean this with all due respect... Cleveland Streamers is a team that you look at and you wonder, "How is this team winning?" But it seems like they come out on top more often than not, they are still technically in the chase for the 1 seed. Multiple players are returning from their bye week and they looked primed and ready to go for the final push. On the flip side, Love Hurts is left wondering what to do. It is never a good sign when your kicker is your leading scorer - even if they score 24 points.

Prediction: Love Hurts... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Love Hurts... WRONG!!

MAYEday (5-6) v The J-Bones 2.0 (5-6)

It is amazing to see a lineup consisting of Barkley and Kamara and they still lose. However, Chase and Jennings more than made up that difference. This week was just a good overall performance and one that should put fear into some of the top seeds. MAYEday is poised to get into the playoffs and as it stands, the past two weeks they are averaging over 130 points - not good for their next opponent (you guessed it, me). On the flip side, JB 2.0 needs to find help outside of Barkley and Kamara. Maybe make a swing for a Wide Receiver - the time to win is now.

Prediction: The J-Bones 2.0.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: MAYEday... RIGHT!!

Cocaine Cowboys (7-4) v Bootay Pirates (3-8)

There are no words other than - you can only beat who you face and it doesn't matter by how much.

Prediction: Bootay Pirates.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys... RIGHT!!

Pendulous TD's (5-6) v ARBL (3-8)

It comes to the point now, where you just kick the can and call it a season. They are still technically alive and they could make it to the playoffs by winning out and then getting some help from a few other teams. On the flip side, Pendulous looks like they are beginning to figure it out. Achane and CMC make for a terrific duo at the RB position and Burrow is getting going with the Bengals. Truthfully, there is not a lot missing from the team... look out league!

Prediction: Pendulous TD's... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Pendulous TD's... RIGHT!!

Ankle Holster (7-4) v The J-Bones (6-5)

What a matchup we have here.... a difference of exactly 1 point. Insane. Both teams had players in the Sunday Night Football game... but Herbert came away with the better performance and was able to lock up a key win for The J-Bones. On the flip side, Breece Hall had a huge week and narrowed the gap between him and Bijan. The J-Bones is now one win away from reaching that crucial 7-win mark, which is usually a good sign for making the palyoffs.

Prediction: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-7) v Connor's Stalions (7-4)

Welllllllllll if Brock Bowers isn't just a good little TE. It helps that he plays for an awful team and they will always need to throw the ball - but my goodness, that boy can make plays happen. Now, you want to talk about making plays happen... ARSB is another one of those dawgs. Which means Stalions had the highest scoring player of the week (ARSB) and the 4th highest (Bowers)... probably not a good sign for Wrinkle. A worse sign? They only scored 81 points... this is the playoff push - you gotta bring your "A" game!

Prediction: Connor's Stalions... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Connor's Stalions... RIGHT!!

With Love,

Commish

Season Predictions: 35-35

Mystery Guest: 37-33

Week 11 Predicktions

We officially are in the back third of the season, which means we are slowly going to start picking off teams. A few reminders for the league... 

A) Official Trade Deadline is November 29, 2024

B) Once a team is mathematically eliminated from the playoffs - their team is locked and they can no longer make a trade.

If you have complaints about the 2nd rule you can call my secretary and she will schedule a meeting with me - most likely on April 31st.

Teams that are in danger of being eliminated from the playoffs: ARBL and Bootay Pirates. 

Both of these teams are sitting at 3-6, which is not eliminated but it does make this week a very important week. If they were to lose, pending on the results of the other matchups there is a scenario where they could be completely eliminated. If they lose both of the next two weeks - they are on lockdown. The best way to avoid that is to win this week and stay alive in the hunt. 

ARBL Remaining Schedule: Pendulous TD's/Streamers/Cowboys/Ertz... the only team with a losing record is Pendulous and they happen to score the most points out of the four the past week. I do not envy this position... odds of making the playoffs: .2%

Bootay Pirates Remaining Schedule: Cowboys/Ertz/MAYE twiced.... a quick explanation is that each team plays every team in the first 13 weeks and the 14th week is a "rivalry" week. All in good fun, but it does make Bootay's schedule much easier and definitely a hill that could be climbed. If they can manage to get 3 of the next four, they have a chance - odds are still not in the favor: 4%.

If you want one of their players, better try to make the move now!

Week 11 Matchups

Matchup of the Week

Heat Hicks (4-6) v Ertz when Eifert (8-2)

To be honest, there are no real good matchups this week... but not pick the 1 overall seed and one of the hottest team in the league to battle it out. It doesn't help that Ertz gets Jefferson back and Heat Hicks loses Malik Nabers. The only thing I want this week is for Heat Hicks to not score in the bottom 3 teams. Truthfully, the matchups don't look great - but there is no way I am not picking Heat Hicks... gimme Bijan Robinson continuing his streak of 20+ points to 6 weeks in a row.

Predicktion: Heat Hicks

Mystery Guest: Heat Hicks

Cleveland Streamers (6-4) v Love Hurts (5-5)

Not the best week for Trey McBride to be going on the bye... it was his chance to shine against George Kittle. On top of that, they lose Tracy - who has been a sneaky good play. This is a matchup that could go either way and I like to think that the matchups and depth on Love Hurts is going to be a difference maker. If MHJ was not on bye, it would help - but both teams are struggling with this. Flipped a coin and it landed on...

Predicktion: Love Hurts

Mystery Guest: Love Hurts

MAYEday (4-6) v The J-Bones 2.0 (5-5)

This is a pretty crucial matchup for two teams right in the middle of the pack. But the record paints a very different picture than what has been happening. The J-Bones 2.0 have scored 1206 points and MAYEday has scored 1086 points. That is equates to over 13 points a week. That doesn't sound like much, but MAYEday's record would 8-2 if you added that to his total each week - it is a good amount of points. Not to mention that JB 2.0 also has the number 2 and number 4 ranked RB, they just have no WR's to go with them. No matter... JB 2.0 is putting a halt to this MAYEday playoff surge.

Predicktion: The J-Bones 2.0

Mystery Guest: MAYEday

Cocaine Cowboys (6-4) v Bootay Pirates (3-7)

This is the QB matchup I have been waiting for... Jackson v Hurts. All this talk about how good Jayden Daniels has been and that he is now entering the MVP race... give me Hurts all day. Hurts is responsible for 22 touchdowns and 12 turnovers. Jackson is responsible for 26 touchdown and 6 turnovers. Jayden Daniels is responsible for 13 touchdowns and 2 turnovers. This is the matchup to watch between scrambling QBs... and Hurts has his receivers back and they are going. It also helps that Jackson plays against Pittsburgh's defense... who happens to be the best defense in the league. Call me crazy, I like Hurts in this matchup and I like Bootay Pirates to pull off the upset.

Predicktion: Bootay Pirates

Mystery Guest: Cocaine Cowboys

Pendulous TD's (4-6) v ARBL (3-7)

You know, when your team is already week and then it is dealing with bye-week issues.... not a good sign. ARBL is going to need to replace the number 2 QB... Baker Mayfield (who would have guessed?). They also need to replace Rachaad White... but they have open bench spots to pick-up people.... who has open bench spots in this league?!?!?!? On the flip side, Pendulous is looking stronger with CMC returning to the lineup. With CMC in the lineup, this team is a serious contender for scoring points in bunches. I really feel like this is a year when anyone could beat anyone in the playoffs... if they get this win, look out!

Predicktion: Pendulous TD's

Mystery Guest: Pendulous TD's

Ankle Holster (7-3) v The J-Bones (5-5)

One team is fighting for winning their division and a possible 1 seed by the end of the season and one team finds themselves in the middle of the pack with a stud RB and a few WR's that are coming back from injuries. If those receivers can have a big week, they could offset the advantage that AH has at RB. JB has Henry - who is the 1 running back - and he could also help with the offset. If that happens, it comes down to the rest of the lineup.... I like any defense against Las Vegas.

Predicktion: The J-Bones

Mystery Guet: Ankle Holster

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-6) v Connor's Stalions (6-4)

This is a matchup of two teams that are currently struggling, combined 2 wins in the last 11 matchups. Who will be able to correct the ship? If Collins can actually play, Stalions has a good chance of getting this win. The TNF game should be a big sign of what is to come for the week, with Stalions having Daniels and Robinson, Jr in that game. On the flip side, Wrinkle looks decent until Pacheco comes back - and that is if the Chiefs decide to not use Hunt... but why would you stop?

Predicktion: Connor's Stalions

Mystery Guest: Connor's Stalions

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, Ertz when Eifert - may your entire lineup be forced to watch an entire WNBA game filled with layups, dribbling, passing, and more layups.

With Love

Commish