Week 9 Predictions

There comes a time in every fantasy football season when you can begin to knock teams out of playoff contention. We are entering that phase in our league as we start week nine. In most leagues this is a little late to begin to knock teams out of playoff hope - but since 8 out of 14 teams make the playoffs in our league, nearly everyone still has a chance at the big dance! Lets take a look at the teams and their standings....

Wings of Dickarus - 1st - (6-2) - 97%

Wings of Dickarus has been on the of the top teams in the league from the get-go. Wings was voted the top team after the DDA, obvious it was a completely unbiased vote. They have backed it up with having stellar performances from Godwin, making terrific trades (getting Hopkins, trading away Hopkins), and overall consistency from the depth of the team. They should be a lock for the playoffs and they are actually battling for top spot in the regular season; but hey, until they are mathematically locked up - they won't get that hundy percent.

PEN15 Wrinkle - 2nd - (5-3) - 82%

This was a tough team to rank - ESPN has them ranked as 2nd in our standings, but that is far more because of the division this team is in rather than actual performance. It is crazy to think, if Wrinkle was in the other division it would be ranked 5th in the division. Wrinkle has a good team and they should make the playoffs - but they should be thanking their lucky stars they landed in the correct division and are now fighting for the 2nd seed rather than a playoff spot!

Biggus Dickus - 3rd - (6-2) - 97%

Biggus is currently the hottest team in the league and the current belt holder. His team has rattled off 6 wins in a row after starting the season 0-2. They find themselves in a 3-way tie for the top spot in the top division. They should very easily make the playoffs - however the difficult part is that with one slip on the week Biggus could tumble down the division rankings. We don't give out a turn around award, but if we did - Biggus would be the front runner after being voted the 13th worst team after the draft and now looking down upon most of the league from his perch on top of the belt!

Dixie Normous - 4th - (6-2) - 81%

Dixie is looking safe for the playoffs, but just think about this... if this league was ranked strictly by points scored Dixie would be ranked 10th and on the outside looking in. However, the scheduling gods have smiled upon Dixie and they have allowed this mediocre team to maneuver its way to a 3-way tie for first in the Sultry Spoon. Dixie needs to continue to find ways to win, because they will not be able to rely on their points scored as a tie-breaker.

Florida State Seminal Vesicle - 5th - (5-3) - 86%

Yes, this is the first anomaly in the rankings. FSSV has a higher chance of making the playoffs than Dixie Normous. This shouldn't come as a shock to anyone, FSSV is the only two-time belt winner. They are one of three teams to have already broken the 1,000 point threshold. They do find themselves in a tough division, but even if they don't win the division they should be able to lock up a spot based up any tie-breaker they might be in.

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas - 6th - (5-3) - 82%

This will be the 5th team from the Sultry Spoon, which if you haven't heard is a tough division. Yet again, ARBL has higher odds than Dixie and it is because of one reason... the schedule. However, this time it is slightly in favor for ARBL - the next two weeks he will face against opponents with losing records. This is also highly valuable for ARBL as he is trying to secure a playoff spot down the stretch as the last two weeks he will be facing two teams that are in the hunt.

Hoosier Daddy - 7th - (4-4) - 67%

Hoosier Daddy is right on the edge of making the playoffs and sitting 2nd in their division - those two things don't go hand-in-hand. The biggest issue with this team is the fact that Davante Adams hasn't played for what seems like an eternity. Which means Hoosier Daddy is still winning half their games without their top draft pick - scary thought if they are able to squeak into the playoffs. The odds are in their favor - but only slightly, there could be a pretty crucial week 12 matchup between Hoosier Daddy and Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas.

Ankle Holster - 8th - (4-4) - 62%

Ankle Holster is sitting at the last spot of the playoffs and hoping to stay there. If you ever get into a conversation with Ankle Holster, they will be quick to let you know how good their team is - yet somehow they have been outscored by the opponents to this point in the season. Yes, Barkley coming back helps their team out tremendously - and there is going to be some urgency for him to dominant. Sitting at just .500 gives little room for error if he wants to have at least one extra week of action.

Massive TD's - 9th - (3-5) - 52%

I get it, I get it... the percentages don't make sense. Many in things in life don't make sense - taxes, afterlife, women, algebra, etc. Nonetheless, Massive TD's is on the outside looking in, but also has outscored two of the teams in the playoffs - the next five weeks need to go their way and Jones and Jacobs will need to continue to carry the load.

Hernandez Hit Men - 10th - (3-5) - 45%

Things are not looking good for the Hit Men, and they won't get better. Three of his final five opponents having winning records and that is not a good recipe for a team trying to make the playoffs. There are issues all across the roster, with the best player on the roster having a bye week this week - which is almost a must-win week. It also doesn't help that along with M. Thomas, three other players find themselves on a bye week.

The Back Hatch - 11th - (3-5) - 36%

After drafting one of the top teams in the league, they have made plenty of trades and many of them have not been in their favor. Losing J. Allen (drop and then picked up by another team) and Hooper (traded away) has turned The Back Hatch's season downward. The Back Hatch also finds themselves on the wrong side of a few matchups, especially that final week! This week is a must win week as they square off against a team that find themselves at the bottom of the pack.

Bluffton Backup Backups - 12th - (2-6) - 28%

I have no ill will to voice for Bluffton Backup Backups. They paid for another player's team and didn't even get to draft for themselves. We are all rooting for you!

The J-Bones - 13th - (2-6) - 18%

This has to be the biggest disappointment of the season. The J-Bones was thought to be the second best team in the league, many argued to put them first and now they find themselves just above one other team in the ranking system. Nothing has gone right for them, including an injury to A. Kamara and many tier one players performing like tier three. One can only hope that the gracious host will still open his humble abode after the regular season is over.

...And Your Johnson - 14th - (2-6) - 8%

Let us all just learn from these type of mistakes..... Don't use your first two picks for a stacked duo! Live and learn, although if you can't learn from a Cutler/Marshall combo - what will you learn from?

Team of the Week
Biggus Dickus

QB: Josh Allen/Jameis Winston/Baker Mayfield
Not many teams employ the strategy of holding three quarterbacks - interesting, very very interesting. Not that Winston or Mayfield have exactly torn it up this season, but Allen has been a good pickup. Let's give credit where credit is due, somebody drafted Allen and was given tons of crap - then somehow he found his way on the waiver wire and Biggus Dickus quickly jumped all over him. Allen is the guy out of the trio that will be dominating the starts, but those two aren't bad backups.

RB: Chris Carson, Phillip Lindsay, Sony Michel, Lesean McCoy
There is no absolute stud in this department - but all are more than capable to have good weeks. Lindsay was a 13th hour pickup on trade day and some have said that he has been the jolt to spark this significant strand of scoring. Carson/Lindsay/Michel have all been starters (taking up the FLEX position), but Michel is a game script, but we entering the phase of the season where a tough running back that can pound the ball can see a lot of action.

WR: Julian Edelman, Cooper Kupp, Dede Westbrook, AJ Green
This is the group that has been carry this team throughout the season. Kupp has been huge, currently the 2nd ranked wide receiver. Edelman has been steady, currently the 8th ranked wide receiver. This could be a really scary group if Green can return to any type of form - although the Bengals deciding to start their rookie quarterback is not helping his case.

TE: Austin Hooper, Hunter Henry
Is there a better starter/backup at tight end than these two? Hooper has been tearing up defenses, and it helps that Atlanta is awful and constantly needing to throw the ball. Phillip Rivers has had an affection for pass catching tight ends and Henry is beginning to pickup steam. Hooper will get the start on most occasions, but Henry is a great backup for bye-weeks or based upon matchups.

DEF/K: Jaguars/Prater
Luckily, you don't need these two to be dominate if you have all the other positions covered - which Biggus does. Jags looked much better when Ramsey wanted to play in Jacksonville, but now they have put their faith in Fournette and Minshew. Prater always has had the bombing leg, and for whatever reason Detroit has had decent scoring kickers in the past. These two won't hurt you, but they definitely won't win any matchups for you.

Matchup of the Week

Biggus Dickus* (6-2) v PEN15 Wrinkle* (5-3)

This is a fantastic matchup of the week, one with high expectations and big implications on the teams fighting for the number one spot.

QB: Garoppolo v Allen
Both these QB's have great matchups, but Allen's is a little more comfy. Washington has shown no opposition to quarterbacks and Allen also presents scrambling factor that should be considered. Jimmy G also has to play on Thursday - which gives less time to prepare. Advantage Allen

RB: Breida/Fournette v Carson/Lindsay
Fournette is the best back in the matchup, but Breida also presents the biggest question mark. Carson has been a steady player who also happens to matchup with Tampa Bay. Lindsay was the spark plug that made this roster flow and I have to give the edge to Carson and Lindsay - just because I am not sure what to think of Breida and his injury with a short turnaround.

WR: Williams/Diggs v Edelman/Westbrook
With Kupp on a bye week, this helps this matchup sway the other direction. Westbrook just doesn't have the same caliber of performances as Kupp and although he could still provide nice points - he just isn't the consistent performer that is needed. Diggs has began to become to come alive in the past weeks and Williams is finally working his way back onto Rivers' good side. Advantage Williams/Diggs

TE: Kittle v Henry
At this point in the season, there is no other tight end I would want to have starting the George Kittle.

FLEX: Gore v Michel
Although Michel is very dependent upon game script - he will at least get chances to carry the ball. Gore will have a few carries here and there, but Singletary is back from injury and is back to be the guy in Buffalo. Michel has a tough matchup, but I still like his potential for opportunity much more than Gore's. Advantage Michel

DEF/K: Butker/Rams v Bills/Prater
The Bills play Washington - Advantage Bills/Prater

Prediction: Biggus Dickus wins
Mystery Guest: Biggus Dickus wins

Hoosier Daddy* (4-4) v Wings of Dickarus* (6-2)

Wings of Dickarus can really make the road tough for Hoosier Daddy if they are able to pull out a win this week. Hoosier will be (hopefully) welcoming back Adams to the lineup and will finally get to see what a starting lineup at full strength looks like - not good news for Wings. Wings of Dickarus is patiently awaiting the return of either Johnson and for now is forced to fill the spot with McKissic. Other than that both lineups consist with depth and star talent - flip a coin and see what happens.

Prediction: Wings of Dickarus wins
Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy wins

Bluffton Backup Backups (2-6) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas* (5-3)

With a win this week ARBL can really put themselves in a good spot to lock up a playoff position and begin to compete for the top spot at the end of the regular season. As you can tell in the lineups, there are still plenty of changes that need to be made. For example Triple B will be moving Elliott to the start lineup and resting through a bye week. That alone is going to be a HUGE determing in factor in this weeks outcome. Make the change and take the win!

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins
Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas wins

Massive TDs (3-5) v The J-Bones (2-6)

This is essentially a must win week for either team, since both are on the outside looking in. The J-Bones are riddled with injuries and bye weeks - I just don't think Rodgers will be able to win this one on his own. On the flip side, Massive will be leaning on his two Seattle wideouts and welcomes Andrews back from bye. As long as Jones continues his tear that he is currently on, this should not be a close matchup.

Prediction: Massive TDs wins
Mystery Guest: Massive TDs wins

Ankle Holster* (4-4) v Dixie Normous (6-2)

There is a scary team sitting at .500 - and it is involves a team featuring Barkley and Hopkins. Both of those players are serious contenders for the top spot in their respective position, which is a scary thought that they are on the same team. Everybody (at least those in the playoff picture) are hoping the Dixie and NYG stack can pull out a big victory and make the road tougher for Ankle Holster to get to the playoffs. Doesn't look likely though...

Prediction: Ankle Holster wins, belt winner
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins

Hernandez Hit Men (3-5) v Florida St. Seminal Vesicle** (5-3)

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be as good at something as Christian McCaffrey is at football? Yeah, me too.

Prediction: Florida State Seminal Vesicle wins
Mystery Guest: Florida State Seminal Vesicle wins

The Back Hatch (3-5) v ...And Your Johnson (2-6)

...And Your Jonson might have found something with Matthew "Pad Stat"fford, but will it be enough this week? If Bell and Evans have anything to say about it, which they probably will, the answer will be a resounding NO. Evans is looking to continue the big week last week and find himself battling against a far from the L.O.B. Seattle secondary. My only thoughts up to this point: How is Kelce still the number two tight end in fantasy football? Hasn't he had a down year? That alone should tell you how good Kelce is at tight end.

Prediction: The Back Hatch wins
Mystery Guest: The Back Hatch wins, belt winner

Bless

Week 8 Results

First, I would like to cordially apologize for this week's predictions. I owe more to you and more to this league - except for Dixie Normous (eff that guy). I just couldn't help it, just thought to get away from the beautiful weather, the family time, and of course gators. Who doesn't love the gators? You may be thinking, "Who does love gators?" Well, let me just show you how much I love the gators...

That my friends... that is Milkshake Death Ripper. Not too mention that there was also a plethora of his friends in the moat all around just staring and making sure I didn't try to get too frisky with the gator. They were all there ready to pounce at the first sign of disturbance. Naturally, I pulled the classic get in and get out - if you don't know that move, ask The Back Hatch about the college days... another time, another place. Let's get to the results....

Matchup of the Week

...And Your Johnson (2-6) v Bluffton Backup Backups (2-6)

I would like to give credit where credit is do - Johnson came into this week getting mocked by the poor quality of his team and the performances he has showed case to this point. It was exactly this week, that he was then featured as the team of the week and mocked even more - but he was not having that sh*t no mo! A nice all around performance this week gave him a big 2nd win of the season, his team shines bright when the lights are on. He may be passing the torch of one of the worst teams - too bad Montgomery can't run and kick, the Bears could have used a kicker this week!

Results: ....And Your Johnson wins
Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups win.... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups win.... WRONG!!

Wings of Dickarus* (6-2) v Hernandez Hit Men (3-5)

There was no doubt about this one from the beginning. Even with Wings' first two draft picks down with injuries (D. Johnson and K. Johnson), Cook was able to step up and continue his tear through the  weak Washington defense. After that it was was just consistent performances, whether good or bad, throughout the roster. Ertz is beginning to become a huge letdown - but he is a second half of the season player, so we will see if he can start putting together complete games. On the flip side, Hit Men have some serious soul searching to do after this week. M. Thomas and A. Robinson look to be good options at the wide receiver department (although I am not sure I am trusting Trubisky to get Robinson the ball). After that, anyone could be replaced - even Gurley! Hernandez Hit Men need to send a message to the squad, or they could be on the outside looking in come playoff time!

Results: Wings of Dickarus wins
Prediction: Wings of Dickarus wins...  RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Wings of Dickarus wins...  RIGHT!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas* (5-3) v Massive TD's (3-5)

ARBL needed a big MNF from Conner and Parker and boy did he get it! Conner is looking more like the running back that ARBL wanted him to be when he drafted him in the first round and Parker looks much more suitable with FitzMagic throwing the ball. ARBL went from needing 30 points to win to scoring the second most points this week! Massive TD's find themselves falling to 3-5 and right in the middle of the standings. Aaron Jones looks good, like really good. The Seahawks receivers are not bad options (who would have thought?) - but they will be risky plays down the stretch when Seattle turns to running the ball down teams throats. The bigger question: is Rivers the answer at quarterback?

Results: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas wins
Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas wins.... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Massive TD's wins...  WRONG!!

The J-Bones (2-6) v Ankle Holster* (4-4)

Nothing was going well for The J-Bones until the four o'clock games (Coleman) and then the SNF game (Rodgers). It was just too little, late. It didn't help that Cooks was knocked out of his game... literally. The Lions didn't really use the running back committee and it was pretty much a struggle fest for everyone except for Coleman and Rodgers. On the flip side, Barkley is back and that is a dangerous thing for Holster opponents. Hopkins is beginning to find his form as a top receiver again and he will be a big pickup for Holster and the season comes into the final stretch. A big needed win for Holster and The J-Bones find themselves in virtually a must-win battle next week.

Results: Ankle Holster wins
Prediction: Ankle Holster wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins... RIGHT!!

Dixie Normous (6-2) v PEN15 Wrinkle* (5-3)

Dixie Normous was sick and tired about me writing about how they continually skimp by week-to-week playing the bottom half of the week's scorers. The Jones duo looked really good this week, is that something that can be trusted? Hill still had a decent performance, even with the loss of Mahomes. Wrinkle's team looked lost this week, it is a long road down from the top. Just a few weeks removed from putting up the all-time top score in a week and Wrinkle is struggling to break 100 points. Better get your roster fixed, or you will be struggling to make it out of the first round brotha!

Results: Dixie Normous wins
Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle wins.... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous wins.... WRONG!!

Biggus Dickus* (6-2) v Hoosier Daddy* (4-4)

Let me be the first to welcome Biggus Dickus into the exclusive club! The high score of the week and an unfortunate matchup for Hoosier Daddy. Kupp and Edelman had huge games and everyone else followed suit with consistent performances. If you can have one guy score in the 30's you should be sitting pretty well, unless you are going against a guy that nearly had two players drop 30 points. Hoosier Daddy had Murray - who looked great! After that? Actually... still pretty decent, just no other big time performance. Tannehill looks to be in control of the Titans offense, but it isn't going to matter if OBJ can not find himself on the football field. There are questions all over the Cleveland area about the pairing between Mayfield and Beckham - will it work? For Hoosier Daddy's sake, he is hoping so!

Results: Biggus Dickus wins
Prediction: Biggus Dickus wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Biggus Dickus wins... RIGHT!!

Florida State Seminal Vesicle** (5-3) v The Back Hatch (3-5)

The Back Hatch needed a big MNF from JuJu, and he almost got it. After Mike Evans exploded on Tennessee, things were looking really good. But then the two studs went from FSSV - Run CMC and Patriots D. Seriously, the Patriots Def might not only be the steal of the draft - they might be the fantasy MVP! Even with FSSV playing a tight end that was a late scratch they were able to beat the Evans and JuJu show - half of The Back Hatch should have just scratched before there game started. Who would have thought that Freeman outscored Bell? Who would have thought that Bell would not have been outside the RB1 status? Who said that during the draft?

Results: Florida State Seminal Vesicle wins
Prediction: The Back Hatch wins... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Florida State Seminal Vesicle wins... RIGHT!!

Season: 30-19
Mystery Guest: 27-22

Plus: The Mystery Guest is still up 2-1 on correct Belt Winners this season!

Bless
Commish

Week 8 Predictions

Yes, this is the one of the toughest blog posts to write - the vacation blog post. I will be honest, it is going to be a little quick/short this week - just like someone's "Normous Dixie." And no, that is not going to be our team of the week, I thought it would be only right to have our focus for the TotW be a team that deserves a quick/short writeup....

Team of the Week

....And Your Johnson (1-6)

Yeah, this team blows!

See it wasn't that hard - quick and short.

Now let's keep the routine...

Matchup of the Week

....And Your Johnson (1-6) v Bluffton Backup Backups (2-5)

I'm

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins
Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups wins

Wings of Dickarus* (5-2) v Hernandez Hit Men (3-4)

Not

Prediction: Wings of Dickarus wins, also my choice for the belt winner this week!
Mystery Guest: Wings of Dickarus wins

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas* (4-3) v Massive TD's (3-4)

Writing

Prediction: Aaron Rogers Blows Llamas wins
Mystery Guest: Massive TD's wins

The J-Bones (2-5) v Ankle Holster* (3-4)

Anything

Prediction: Ankle Holster wins
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins, also the Mystery Guest's pick for the belt!

Dixie Normous (5-2) v PEN15 Wrinkle* (5-2)

This

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle wins
Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous wins

Biggus Dickus (5-2) v Hoosier Daddy* (4-3)

Week

Prediction: Biggus Dickus wins
Mystery Guest: Biggus Dickus wins

Florida State Seminal Vesicle** (4-3) v The Back Hatch (3-4)

B*tches!

Prediction: The Back Hatch wins
Mystery Guest: FSSV wins

Bless

Week 7 Results

Wow, can we just say that this is the lowest week we have had in a looooooong time - for at least this entire season, if anyone else would like to go back and double check last season, if not I am going to just say even through last season. This is the lowest week we have had since week 4 of the 2017 season (normally this is the kind of thing I would look up, but since I am currently on vacation - ain't gonna happen). Not only will we have the lowest score of the belt winner, but we also have half the league failing to reach 100 points. In life there are ups-and-downs, this would be a down week for the fantasy season and for many teams. Don't worry I am not going to get all philosophical on the ups-and-downs of life, but welcome to the roller coaster drop of the fantasy football season. As I write this post on a Monday, before MNF, there are currently nine players that broke the 25 point barrier. The previous week? 17 players. The week before that? 19 players. You get the idea - when the week sucks for fantasy football, it sucks for nearly everyone. Currently the belt winner is going to score 123 points - which would have placed 6th in week five and 7th in week six. Can you believe that? Someone is going to win the belt when they would have finished middle of the pack last the few weeks - talk about a serious hangover week. Alright, enough chatter about how much this week sucked, let's jump straight to the results.

Matchup of the Week

Ankle Holster* (3-4) v PEN15 Wrinkle* (5-2)

Let's just think about what has transpired to create this amazing storyline....

1) PEN15 Wrinkle sets the highest all-time single week score - also rostering the highest all-time player score, the league is put on notice!

2) Ankle Holster sets the lowest all-time single week score the very next week, everybody points and laughs!

3) These two match up and we now have the most recent highest all-time vs the most recent lowest all-time.... essentially Virginia vs UMBC (foreshadowing?)

4) Ankle Holster is not only the Team of the Week - they also happen to win the belt, even after telling the 2nd fantasy running back to pack up and leave!

5) Who's laughing now bitches!

Result: Ankle Holster wins
Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle wins... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Gets a bonus point for predicting the belt winner correctly!

The Back Hatch (3-4) v Wings of Dickarus* (5-2)

One would think that after acquiring a big name running (even though it came at the cost of a big name wide receiver), a decent score would be following. Not so much, D. Cook did what he supposed to do, but everyone else was just disheartened in the locker room. Let's talk about the savvy play from Back Hatch with Marvin Jones Jr. continuing his excellent play. Trubisky may not have the last name Allen, but he outperformed his projection and is now looking to take the starting role for the remainder of the season. In a week when JuJu and M. Evans were on a bye, the wide receivers really performed - which makes The Back Hatch dangerous, too be fair back hatches are always dangerous!

Result: The Back Hatch wins
Prediction: Wings of Dickarus wins... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Wings of Dickarus wins... WRONG!!

Florida State Seminal Vesicle** (4-3) v Biggus Dickus (5-2)

Is there a hotter team than Biggus Dickus? Has there ever been a better rookie introduction to the league? The answer to both of those questions is "No." Biggus Dickus now sits at 5-2 and is in a terrific position to make the playoffs, the only downside is that they are in the tougher division. What has created this monster? A trio of players that once donned a Back Hatch jersey. Two were picked up in a trade and one was picked up off the waiver wire. Lindsay/Hooper/J. Allen has been the spark plug that has vaulted Biggus Dickus into the upper echelon of the league. Everybody better beware, this analytical mind is making moves in a game that we haven't even begun to play.

Sidenote: What a terrible showing from our first two-time belt champion. You know why this happen to you? YOU LEFT THE F*CKING BELT ON TOP OF A GARAGE FRIDGE THE ENTIRE F*CKING BELT. IF YOU EVER DISGRACE THE BELT AGAIN, I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A STAKE!! (not really, so don't turn me in - this all a joke and if you need counseling after reading this I will take care of it) THE BELT IS AN HONOR - YOU SHOWCASE IT WITH PRIDE!

Result: Biggus Dickus wins
Prediction: Biggus Dickus wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Biggus Dickus wins... RIGHT!!

Bluffton Backup Backups (2-5) v Hernandez Hit Men (3-4)

This is one of the few matchups that actually involved both teams scoring over 100 points. Just let that sink in, there are two matchups with both teams scoring over 100 points... TWO!!! I also can't believe that a team with Elliott and Brissett scoring in the upper 20's didn't manage to pull out the win. Hernandez Hit Men's wide receivers have stepped up and carried his team to victory. To be honest, HHM scored about on par with where they should score - it just seems that the fantasy football depression has hit everyone else but them. If a depression hits, you need to be the most defensive - just like the Chiefs defense, who needed to step-up with the Mahomes injury hitting home.

Result: Hernandez Hit Men wins
Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men wins... RIGHT!!

....And Your Johnson (1-6) v Dixie Normous (5-2)

Yeah, I just don't get it. Maybe it is the new name? How does Dixie Normous continue to skate by with playing teams that constantly find themselves near the bottom of the scoring each week. I guess he would rather be lucky than good - then again, who doesn't love getting lucky? On the flip side, there are plenty of issues with Johnson. Without Mahomes and nobody really available on the waiver wire - what do you do? You either hang your head and realize that the dream is over; or you make a couple moves and try and squeak into the playoffs with a completely reloaded team. The choice is yours...

Result: Dixie Normous wins
Prediction: Dixie Normous wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous wins... RIGHT!!

Massive TD's (3-4) v Hoosier Daddy* (4-3)

This is the classic matchup between a team with depth and a team of "studs and duds." TD's had a good performance from nearly everybody, with the exception of D. Williams who really felt the blow of losing Mahomes. Andrews has had better weeks - but he can still be considered a top tight end. On the flip side, Jackson/Waller/Murray all had huge weeks! Everybody else struggled, Hoosier Daddy even had to deal with -9 from the Lions defense. Lazard clearly did not cash-in on the amazing week he had last week; Singletary is still working his back to form from injury and the entire Philadelphia offense looked completely lost against Dallas. Nonetheless, when you have three players that really step and combine to score 86 points in a down week - you are sitting pretty....

Result: Hoosier Daddy wins
Prediction: Massive TD's wins... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Massive TD's wins... WRONG!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas (4-3) v The J-Bones (2-5)

And I quote: "I seem to think that The J-Bones have the lineup to win and yet it never happens. Maybe I am the reason they keep losing. Well, here is my gift to you - I won't jinx you this time."

'Nuff said.

Result: The J-Bones wins
Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: The J-Bones wins.... RIGHT!!

Season Record: 26-16
Mystery Guest: 23-19, plus a bonus point for predicting the correct belt winner!!

Sidenote to all: Do not simply skip over the warning towards our previous belt owner - this is a belt of honor! Display it with pride!

Bless

Week 7 Predictions

Sometimes I just look around and I think to myself, "What the hell am I doing?" Some of you may read that and guess that I am talking about how I am a grown man blogging about a fantasy football league, but no that is actually the part of my life that makes the most sense. It is when I look around and I see what is happening to the world and the people in it. Nothing makes sense anymore, just imagine....

You walk into our local Wal-mart and you see the elderly greeter, the name tag says - "Hi, my name is Charlie!" When you see these names (Pat, Alex, etc) you use to be able to tell whether you were talking to a gentleman or women - no longer the case. It actually doesn't even matter what the name is anymore - who knows who/what you are talking to? You move on and begin looking for your local libation isle. As you walk you are suddenly bumped in the shoulder, another teen with their head down texting as they are walking. You are a good person, so you feel the sudden urge to say, "Excuse me." Yet, if you really stop and think about it; why are you going to say you are sorry? This is our world now - the good people have to be cautious about anything they say or do, because the bottom feeders have been given all the power.

This is actually the reason why I love fantasy football. It makes sense - the better players score more points. Yes, there is the outlier case when a loaded team will lose; but that is more of an outlier than it is a regular occurrence. If your team is loaded with talent or you hit on a draft pick - you have power. Now what happens when a team has talent and they happen to have every single player on their team hit the bad outlier week at once? You score the all-time low and find yourself being highlighted as the...

Team of the Week

Ankle Holster

QB - Jared Goff, Kirk Cousins
These two quarterbacks are middle of the road quarterbacks that have created a tough decision each week for the owner. Each quarterback has a chance to have a good week or a really bad week. Last week it Goff had a terrible week - but still managed to score in the positives. This was actually a positive because he was in the negatives nearly the entire game.

RB - Austin Ekeler, Saquon Barkley, Marlon Mack, Ronald Jones II
This group of running backs have been the driving force for Ankle Holster. With a recent trade made this week, Dalvin Cook now had a new home and Ankle Holster has tried to bolster another department on the team. Ekeler has been one of the top backs in the league and still looks like the best running back on the Chargers roster. Barkley is coming off an injury and everyone is watching to see if he will return back to form. Mack has been the big surprise so far this season - he has been get plenty of touches and been very efficient with those touches. Mack is averaging nearly 15 points a week - which is a terrific score for your 3rd running back.

WR - Robert Woods, Emmanuel Sanders, Sterling Shepard, John Brown, Chris Conley, Deandre Hopkins
Don't think for one minute that just because Hopkins was listed last in this group he isn't going to be quickly inserted into the starting lineup. Hopkins was the recent acquisition in a trade that sent a top running back packing. This move was one that attempted to send a player in a position that was overloaded in attempt to find a stallion for another position. Hopkins solidifies the wide receiver department and as long as Woods or Sanders can step up and become a top 28 wide receiver, this group is going to get the job done.

TE - Gerald Everett
The tight end position is one of those positions that is going to separate teams. There is the typical top tier tight ends, then Hooper and Andrews have both performed amazingly. Other than that, most of the tight ends are crap shoots and Everett finds himself in that same category. Everett is a tight end that Ankle Holster goes back and forth with Jimmy Graham, but neither are anything special. If Everett can make the jump this team will find itself competing for a title.

DEF/K - Packers/Robbie Gould
When you are a Packers fan, you gotta have at least one Packers player on your team - and what is better than one player? How about eleven? The Packers find themselves just outside the top ten in position rank and are beginning to rely more and more on their offense to win games. Their front four know how to get after the quarterback, but other than that they have struggled to stop teams. Gould is what he is, and we let him off the hook!

Matchup of the Week

Ankle Holster (2-4) v PEN15 Wrinkle* (5-1)

You can't script a better storyline than this matchup of the week, both work in the same department, one team has the all-time high score, one team has the all-time low score - let's f*cking go.....

QB: Goff v Ryan
Even better for the matchup is the face-off between the two quarterbacks. Goff has been awful, maybe it is the fact that his receivers have not been able to get open downfield, or maybe that Gurley isn't a huge threat this season and teams can just sit back in the secondary, or maybe it is the fact that he strongly resembles Ryan Gosling. Either way, Ryan should have the advantage here. However, the slight wrinkle is whether or not Jalen Ramsey can play. Wait... did I say wrinkle? That has to be a sign, Ryan with the edge.

RB: Ekeler/Mack v Breida/Fournette
Personally, I would have loved for Barkley to slotted here, however we can't always have what we want. Ekeler has been performing superbly, but with Gordon coming back nobody knows what this timeshare will look like. Mack is coming off of a bye and Indy's offense looks fantastic when they force feed their bell cow running back. Fournette is really the running back to talk about in this matchup. Fournette and the new look Jags offense have really broken out this year. Fournette is averaging 18 points a week and the past three weeks have averaged 21 points. With that kind of consistency, you really can not go against Breida/Fournette.

WR: Woods/Sanders v Cooper/Diggs
This current matchup looks lopsided, but let's not focus too much on this matchup. Let's focus more on what this will be... Woods(Sanders)/Hopkins v Cooper/Diggs. Hopkins is a complete game changer and is a huge name to bring in and solidify a weak area. Not too mention Cooper is facing serious doubts about playing this week, dealing with pussy-itis. Once you throw Hopkins in the mix, the advantage swings in the direction of the Holster receivers.

TE: Everett v Kittle
There is not a lot to talk about when you have a waiver wire tight end matchup up against a top tier tight end. The obvious advantage is with Kittle.

FLEX: Barkley v Fuller
We finally get the matchup we want, Barkley - a top three pick in the draft going against Fuller - the current all-time point getter for the league. How do you counter balance a stallion? With a boom-or-bust play. Nobody in their right mind is giving the edge to Fuller, but he does have the capabilities to make the big play every time the ball is snapped. Edge to Barkley

DEF/K: Packers/Gould v Rams/Butker
Interesting to have the defense that your quarterback is going against as your starting defense. Maybe he just wants to lockup some points either way? No matter what happens, the Rams defense will look much better in future weeks with the addition of Ramsay. Butker is obviously a great play, a good kicker on a very good team. Edge to those Rams/Butker

Prediction: Pen15 Wrinkle wins
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins

The Back Hatch (2-4) v Wings of Dickarus* (5-1)

What do you do when sit atop the league and seem to have everything clicking in the right direction? Obviously, you sit back and just the machine work. Not what Wings decided to do, surprised? No one is. Wings sent Hopkins (and other play to named later) packing and welcomed Dalvin Cook with open arms. This is a fair trade in the long run; however, with Godwin on the bye Wings will need to turn to either a questionable receiver or Beasley. It really shouldn't matter too much, as The Back Hatch seems to be facing issues of their own. Duke Johnson makes an appearance in the starting lineup - as well as Trubisky. This is the first time all season someone named Allen is not holding the starting quarterback position. Will the shake-up send a message lock-up a big win for The Back Hatch? Not likely.

Prediction: Wings of Dickarus wins
Mystery Guest: Wings of Dickarus wins

Florida State Seminal Vesicle** (4-2) v Biggus Dickus (4-2)

If anybody was curious, this is probably the actual "Matchup of the Week." However, in the spirit of tradition the Team of the Week (and the great storylines) find themselves with a terrific undercard matchup that they will have to try to outshine. FSSV (two-time belt holder) and Biggus Dickus have been two of the hottest teams in the league. Hooper is playing like a man on fire and if Ramsey does play for the Rams (shadowing Jones), Hooper could see plenty of targets. Ironically, both teams have defenses from the AFC East and both are hoping that their defenses can stop the other two AFC East opponents. As the teams stand - it is a tough decision, could be a coin flip, but Hooper is playing too good and is too much of a threat this week.

Prediction: Biggus Dickus wins

Mystery Guest: Biggus Dickus wins

Bluffton Backup Backups (2-4) v Hernandez Hit Men (2-4)

Somebody get Triple B on the line and tell him to fill that kicker slot - I will absolutely lose my sh*t if it stay open for this week as well. What is worse - I will absolutely lose my sh*t if Triple B leaves the kicker slot opens and still wins. Ahhhhh, f*ck it - leave it open... it will make that much sweeter when Elliott/Gordon/Wentz/Allen all go off and lock up the win!

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men wins

...And Your Johnson (1-5) v Dixie Normous (4-2)

A few things about this matchup....

A) Love the new team name: Dixie Normous formerly known as Pretty Boy is My B*tch

B) Until ....And Your Johnson makes a switch or trade or something to get some new mojo, I just can't pick them to win.

3) Is anyone surprised that even ESPN only thinks the good players on ....And Your Johnsons squad is Mahomes/Kelce? Just look for yourself.

Prediction: Dixie Normous wins

Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous wins

Massive TD's (3-3) v Hoosier Daddy* (3-3)

Massive TD's better thank the scheduling committee for string fortunate matchups. Last week, he faced off against the team that scored the lowest all-time points. This week? Hoosier Daddy has four of his nine starters out on bye. There are players that will fill the positions - but Hoosier Daddy has never been to really get things going fully with his lineup. It will be scary to see Adams/OBJ/Chubb/Jackson all in the same lineup, definitely do not want to matchup with that. Luckily, for Massive TD's he will not have to worry about that this week, just be thankful!

Prediction: Massive TD's wins

Mystery Guest: Massive TD's wins

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas* (4-2) v The J-Bones (1-5)

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I mean..... well...... you could say....... top tier....... uhhhhhh. There comes a point in time when you have to wonder, what is wrong with my team? What is wrong with a team that starts Rodger/Kamara/Thielen - shouldn't that team be better than 1-5? You might say, what about the depth? Cooks/Coleman/Zuerlein are not bad depth. Not too mention Olsen had been playing well; Freeman has been performing decently. Yet, something just isn't working. It is tough, I seem think that The J-Bones have the lineup to win and yet it never happens. Maybe I am the reason they keep losing. Well, here is my gift to you - I won't jinx you this time.

Prediction: Aaron Rodger Blows Llamas wins

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones wins

Belt Prediction: Biggus Dickus

Mystery Guest Belt Prediction: Ankle "Motha F*ckin" Holster

Bless

Week 6 Results

There comes a point in time, with everything, when you have to decide if you are going to sh*t or get off the pot. Are you going to jump off the cliff or back away like a chicken? Do you have what it takes to get after it? Most of the time you gotta do whatever it takes to get it done. You gotta find a way to make it happen or you gotta find a way out. The same can be said for the fantasy football season. There comes a point in time when teams need to decide if they are going to contend for a title or play the role as the sacrificial lamb week-in and week-out. This is commonly referred to as the beginning of "The HAVE'S and the HAVE NOT'S." In our league teams are beginning to find themselves in each category....

THE HAVE'S

Wings of Dickarus

Florida State Seminal Vesicle

PEN15 Wrinkle

Biggus Dickus

THE HAVE NOT'S

The Back Hatch

Massive TD's

...And Your Johnson

The J-Bones

FLOATING IN THE MIDDLE

Pretty Boy is my B*tch

Hernandez Hit Men

Hoosier Daddy

Bluffton Backup Backups

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas

Ankle Holster

These upcoming weeks will quickly place the teams floating in the middle. Now, just because you are a team in THE HAVE NOT'S doesn't mean you can't make the playoffs and win. Last year, in round one, 3 of the 4 underdog teams pulled out a win and upset the favored team. The eventual winner finished the season with a 8-5 record. Hear me out, all you have to do is make the playoffs! It will be fun to see where the teams in the middle find themselves in the coming weeks and if any of 'THE HAVE NOT'S' make a move to shift the power in their favor. Let's see who helped their case this week....

Matchup of the Week

PEN15 Wrinkle* (5-1) v Bluffton Backup Backups (2-4)

What a way to follow up a record setting week - dropping 143.5 and crushing your opponent by 30 points! This week it was Diggs turn to have a big week and he was backed up by Ryan and Kittle. Cooper was injured early in the game this week and reports are that he was in serious pain on the sideline. He may be missing extended time which is a big loss in the wide receiver department - as the other two have been "boom-or-bust." On the flip side Jeffery, Elliott, and Wentz had a good week for Triple B. Other than that, there was not a lot of help - especially when you have an open slot in the kicker position!! Not that it would have mattered, but it is not a good look for you and your family!!!!!! Fix this sh*t in the future or forever be in your commissioner's bad graces!

Result: PEN15 Wrinkle wins

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle wins.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle wins... RIGHT!!

Wings of Dickarus* (5-1) v Pretty Boy is my B*tch (4-2)

This should come as no surprise to anyone that has been following the blog. Even though these teams had the same record - there was a vast difference between these two teams in terms of points for and against. It was not a good TNF for PBIMB, with Jones/White/Hilliman/Ellison only combining for just over 28 points. What do you expect when you are forced to play three Giants players against arguably the top defense in the league. On the flip side, Wings had their typical high 130's performance. Wilson is making a case for the NFL MVP award and it has vaulted him into the top spot for QB's. Wings of Dickarus finds themselves heavily in the HAVE'S category and that is thanks to finding gems like Godwin and making trades for players like Hopkins. It will be a fun ride to see if Wings (or a few others) can catch the all-time season scoring record, this has been a season for records after all!

Result: Wings of Dickarus wins

Prediction: Wings of Dickarus wins.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Wings of Dickarus wins.... RIGHT!!

Hernandez Hit Men (2-4) v Biggus Dickus (4-2)

There once was team who struggling,

Made few a trades and now is bubbling,

Ready to burst, aiming for first

Biggus sends teams away grumbling

Think about this, Biggus scored 145.5 points - beat his opponent by almost 20 points.... and his starting QB threw 5 interceptions! Hooper has been playing out of his mind - scoring points in bunches. Edelman has benefitted greatly from having AB lose his mind. Carson has been a workhorse for a team that now relies more on their ability to score rather than their defense. Wilson is playing amazingly which has opened the door for Carson to really solidify himself as a top 10 running back.

Result: Biggus Dickus wins

Prediction: Biggus Dickus wins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men wins.... WRONG!!

Hoosier Daddy* (3-3) v The Back Hatch (2-4)

Hoosier Daddy is making a case for belonging in the HAVE'S - but the consistency just hasn't been there. Hoosier scored just 71 points last week and now has turned in 140 points. Obviously Jackson has been a superb pickup and Chubb has performed fantastic throughout the first half of the season. Samuel was a pleasant surprise this week (filling in for Adams). Hoosier Daddy is one of those teams that is going sneak into the playoffs and could very easily pull-off the upset in round one. The Back Hatch is a team that is full of big names - but they are all big names from the past. Bell/JuJu/Evans, even the Seahawks defense all were big names to be had in previous years. This year? Not so much. This is another team that will be clawing for a playoff spot and if they make - they do have the fire power to send home a giant!

Result: Hoosier Daddy wins

Prediction: The Back Hatch wins.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy wins... RIGHT!!

The J-Bones (1-5) v Florida State Seminal Vesicle** (4-2)

If there ever was a matchup that defined the difference between the HAVE'S and the HAVE NOT'S look no further. The J-Bones need to turn it around, and they need to do it fast. A few thoughts: trade Kamara for multiple players that could fill a few holes, use Coleman in the FLEX, or even switch up the mojo and throw a boom or bust player in the lineup. On the flip side, FSSV can do no wrong. He is now the first two-time belt holder - and probably the only one that can actually fit into the belt! McCaffrey has been the stud of fantasy football this year and his usage rate is through the roof. Freeman had a great week and Brady played well. What really sets FSSV apart from others is the fact that the Patriots defense is currently 14th best player in all of fantasy football. The defense is currently FSSV second highest ranked position - it really has been an unbelievable season for the defense.

Result: Florida State Seminal Vesicle wins

Prediction: The J-Bones wins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Florida State Seminal Vesicle wins.... RIGHT!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams* (4-2) v ...And Your Johnson (1-5)

Well, well, well.... when will Johnson take my advice? I think some people think that I just write things in this blog to try and put thoughts in people's minds so that I can get them do certain things that will benefit my team - there is some truth to this. However, I also genuinely try to give out advice here and there. There are a lot of holes that need filled in this lineup - take a top dog and make a trade to fill those holes. Mahomes is obviously one of the top QBs, Kelce was a top TE - but has not performed like it. Williams had a great week and looked fantastic, but other than that - nothing is going well. Take a stallion and fill a few holes - or enjoy hearing about the playoffs rather than partaking! On the flipside, ARBL is a middling team that has beaten up the HAVE NOT'S and struggled against the HAVE'S. Although, it is hard to improve on 128 points with no points from a TE that has typically been scoring in the high teens. ARBL is a team that is nearing the HAVE'S category, but is lacking a big win against some top competition.

Result: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas wins

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas wins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas wins... RIGHT!!

Ankle Holster (2-4) v Massive TD's (3-3)

If you read the prediction post then you know that I must have rented the wrong movie. See I thought this matchup was going to be the third movie in the trilogy where the "good" guy always wins. However, this must have been the second part - which, if you know anything about movie - the "bad" guy always wins. There is no better storyline that wiener wielding hero scoring the all-time fantasy league low. One player reached double digits - which sounds really bad; however, the optimal lineup would feature a tight end in the flex and would only grant Ankle Holster 2.9 more points - still easily the worst score all-time. Massive TD's should be thanking their lucky stars, they didn't exactly have a great week themselves - but you can only beat the team you face! Nobody is complaining when you get an easy sectional draw for football and nobody is complaining when you beat a team that scored the all-time low - take the win and move on!

Result: Massive TD's wins

Prediction: Ankle Holster wins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins... WRONG!!

It should also be mentioned that this week our Mystery Guest predicted the belt winner correctly - which ties that prediction at one. Well done FSSV, the first two-time holder of the belt!

Season: 28-14

Mystery Guest: 23-19

Bless

Week 6 Predictions

There are some things in this world that may never be touched or broken and that is just the way the cookie crumbles. For example, molten lava - can't touch it or it will melt the sh*t outta your finger! A few other things that you can't touch: golden dart frog, natural uranium, intangible items, MC Hammer, rainbows, joy, sadness, mirages, etc.

Then there are things that will never be broken - in this instance we are talking about records. For example, Don Shula's win record (in the NFL) 347 wins. Sounds like it could be broken? The next closest is Belichick and he has 148 wins - less than half. A few others: Isner/Mahut tennis match, Sam Crawford 309 triples, Hendersons' 1,406 steals, and PEN15 Wrinkle's 211 fantasy weekly total.

Yes, I said it. 211 points. We are playing for 2nd on the all-time list now. Which does bring me to the....

Team of the Week

PEN15 Wrinkle

QB - Matt Ryan, Jimmy Garoppolo
Well, well, well - looks like Mr. Ryan has finally come to play! Prior to last week's outburst (which will be a trend) Ryan had yet to score more than 23 points and only once did he score more than 20. Yet, he still himself surrounded by weapons and on a team with no choice but the throw the ball - defense is awful. Jimmy G is on an undefeated squad - but that is far more due to defense and ground-and-pound. Ryan is and will more than likely, always be the play.

RB - Matt Breida, Leonardo Fournette, Frank Gore
Can we please call attention to beginning of Trade Week - when PW traded Saquon Barkley in desperation to find more depth in the lineup. That trade sent Barkley away and brought in Fournette, T. Williams, and Diggs. Diggs has been an overall bust and T. Williams has been so-so. The biggest benefit of the trade was Fournette who is averaging 25 points over the last two weeks. Not only was the biggest injury of the season avoided - but he also managed to grab a player who is playing like a top five running back.

WR - Amari Cooper, Stefon Diggs, Will Fuller V, Mike Williams, Paul Richardson Jr, Tyrell Williams, Diontae Jordan
How do set the all-time record? You take a player who had scored 33 points the entire season and have him score 53 in one week. Fuller scored so many points last week, he jumped to 7th overall as a wide receiver. That was huge, but Cooper has been better. Cooper scored nearly 40 points last week and is averaging over 22 points a week. If you are doing the math, those two alone scored a tad under 95 points last week - not a bad showing!

TE - George Kittle
When it comes to top tier tight ends - Kittle is in the triumvirate. Kittle is essentially the number one receiver in San Fran. and he is beginning to return to form. He is the 8th overall tight end and he has already had his bye week - which also means that there is no need for a bench spot to be used for a backup. Kittle is the tight end in the starting lineup and barring any injury he will never be moved from there.

DEF/K - Rams, Harrison Butker
I will be the first to say that I am thoroughly confused by the fact that the LA Rams defense is not performing up to par. There is talented players all across the board and they have one of a few players that can single-handedly wreck the offensive line. Last week, Russell Wilson was constantly forced out of the pocket - he just happens to be better on the run, which will not always be the case. Butker came into the season as a top tier kicker and as long their offense continues to keep moving - he will stay there.

Yes, you are looking at a team that not only set the all-time high score for the week, but also is a serious contender for the championship. I would hate to face-off against a team that just scored 211 the past week....

Matchup of the Week

PEN15 Wrinkle* (4-1) v Bluffton Backup Backups (2-3)

Let's break it down...

QB - Ryan v Wentz
Matt Ryan is in a pass first offense and has a friendly matchup with the Arizona defense. Julio Jones, Calvin Ridley, and Austin Hooper should find plenty of openings down field. Wentz is desperately missing his speedy wide-out (D-Jax) who can keep the defenses honest on the backside. Not too mention Wentz has to travel to Minnesota and take on a tough defense in a hostile environment. Advantage Ryan

RB - Breida/Fournette v Elliott/Gordon
When you read these four names, you would think the advantage is greatly with Elliott and Gordon. However, the Chargers look content in splitting touches with Gordon and Ekeler. Elliott is looking at a very nice matchup with the atrocious NY Jets and should be getting plenty of touches in the second half. However, Fournette and Breida both looked fantastic last week and this battle will actually be much closer than what one might think. Coin flip

WR - Cooper/Diggs v Allen/Boyd
This is another tough matchup with Cooper and Allen both continually making big plays for their teams. The biggest conundrum in this battle is where has Stefon Diggs been? Boyd is still the go-to receiver in Cincy, as long as Green is sidelined. Will Diggs be able to step-up and actually score some points? Doubt it. Advantage Allen/Boyd

TE - Kittle v Walker
As much as I love Delanie "Best Tight End in the NFL" Walker - this is a huge advantage to Kittle. Kittle is the number receiver in San Fran. and his target share is gigantic. This really shouldn't be a surprise, but the advantage is clearly with Kittle.

FLEX - Fuller v Jeffery
Fuller just exploded and showcased his boom-or-bust ability. His name is now in our record books and it will more than likely be awhile until someone tops the performance. However, previous to that performance he looked like a receiver that belonged on the waiver wire. Will he do it again? Well, the Texans travel to KC and this game could be a shootout with big plays all over the field. Which would you rather play: a boom-or-bust player in a game that should be a shootout or a player that struggled with drops last week traveling to Minnesota? Give me Fuller.

DEF/K - Rams/Butker v Panthers/Empty
So, let me get this straight. PEN15 is playing Breida and Kittle against his own defense? Interesting strategy, very very interesting. Oddly enough, I still think that side has the advantage and it is due to the nature of the Texans/Chiefs game and it possibly being a shootout. Butker should reach double digits. Advantage Rams/Butker

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle wins
Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle wins

Wings of Dickarus* (4-1) v Pretty Boy is my B*tch (4-1)

Let's just call this what it is.... The Real Matchup of the Week. Both of these teams are 4-1 and this battle will decide who is leading the division of "Sultry Spoon." The difference between these two teams? About 180 points scored. Imagine a handicap person goes around races other handicap people. They continue to win and feel pretty good about themselves. Soon enough this handicap person is going to try and step-up to the real race ring. He walks into a circle of actual runners, people who have trained, and challenge someone who isn't handicap. Well, then that r*tard trips over his own feet and Wings of Dickarus coasts to victory.

Prediction: Wings of Dickarus wins
Mystery Guest: Wings of Dickarus wins

Hernandez Hit Men (2-3) v Biggus Dickus (3-2)

What was once the name of one of the most dominant teams in the league - Hernandez Hit Men wasn't below .500 since they were the Certified G's. Now look at them, under .500 and if they lose this week they will be facing a serious threat of not making the playoffs. With no top performers on their team this week could be a struggle. On the flip side, Biggus has been on a tear as of lately. In the last three weeks Biggus has scored the 2nd most points of all the teams. Look for this trend to continue.

Prediction: Biggus Dickus wins
Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men win

Hoosier Daddy* (2-3) v The Back Hatch (2-3)

Can we just take a moment and just celebrate the fact that at least The Back Hatch has a team on the field this early in the week? Good for him. His team is loaded with names, but they just haven't performed. On the flip side, Hoosier Daddy pretty much relies on the Browns offense to show up. If they don't play well, Hoosier doesn't score well. The Browns record: 2-3, Hoosier Daddy record: 2-3. It also doesn't look good since Cleveland travels to Seattle.

Prediction: The Back Hatch wins
Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy wins

The J-Bones (1-4) v Florida State Seminal Vesicle* (3-2)

There once was a team with tier one guys
Yet, they still suck even with no one on byes
1-4 is not good for looks, just ask Brandin Cooks
Or ask Adam Thielen, "Just why can't this team win?"
The matchups are tough, and the outlook is bleak
Psyche... I am pulling for the upset this week!

Prediction: The J-Bones win
Mystery Guest: Florida State Seminal Vesicle wins

Aaron Rodgers blows Llamas* (3-2) v ...And Your Johnson (1-4)

If the checkmarks don't already tell you all you need to know, let me break it down for you...

1) Johnson relies heavily on Mahomes and Kelce each week to begin with, but then....

2) The combination of a bye week for Montgomery and injuries to other running backs forces Dion Lewith and Jamaal Williams to get the start. Don't worry at least, Peyton Barber can really solidify his running game from the FLEX position! 😵😵

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas win
Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas win

Ankle Holster (2-3) v Massive TD's (2-3)

Two teams enter the ring, only one team will leave with .500 record - who will it be? Find out this week, on....... "Flaccid Weiner vs Mammoth Mammories"

The trailer to that movie would be completely amazing. I just imagine a guy walking around with this ridiculously long weiner strapped to his ankle. He is just rolling out a saloon (western movie, naturally) and all of the women run away shouting.

"Noooooo, not again." "He's a monster!" "It was too painful!"

Tri-pod is looking for another women, but then the hero of the movie steps out and she is a big ol' broad. Rumor has it, her mammories have been known to deflect bullets, smash cars, and yes - even suffocate the most ruthless of villains. The duel is real and it is about to go down...

The first bullet is fired by Flaccid - which the entire audience knew he was going to fire first, all men do! Mammoth shoots it to the side with her left underboob, but something has happened - something shocking. Flaccid was able to reload and fire right away; Mammoth is taken by surprise. She has never been with a man that can go back to back like Flaccid. Nonetheless, the surprise shot is a direct hit, square on the forehead. As Mammoth falls to the ground all you hear in the background is spurs and the sound of something being drug in the dirt - guess he didn't holster his weapon when he was finished!

Prediction: Ankle Holster wins
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins

Predicted Belt Winner: Wings of Dickarus
Predicted Belt Winner: Florida State Seminal Vesicle

Bless