Then there are things that will never be broken - in this instance we are talking about records. For example, Don Shula's win record (in the NFL) 347 wins. Sounds like it could be broken? The next closest is Belichick and he has 148 wins - less than half. A few others: Isner/Mahut tennis match, Sam Crawford 309 triples, Hendersons' 1,406 steals, and PEN15 Wrinkle's 211 fantasy weekly total.
Yes, I said it. 211 points. We are playing for 2nd on the all-time list now. Which does bring me to the....
Team of the Week
PEN15 Wrinkle
QB - Matt Ryan, Jimmy Garoppolo
Well, well, well - looks like Mr. Ryan has finally come to play! Prior to last week's outburst (which will be a trend) Ryan had yet to score more than 23 points and only once did he score more than 20. Yet, he still himself surrounded by weapons and on a team with no choice but the throw the ball - defense is awful. Jimmy G is on an undefeated squad - but that is far more due to defense and ground-and-pound. Ryan is and will more than likely, always be the play.
RB - Matt Breida, Leonardo Fournette, Frank Gore
Can we please call attention to beginning of Trade Week - when PW traded Saquon Barkley in desperation to find more depth in the lineup. That trade sent Barkley away and brought in Fournette, T. Williams, and Diggs. Diggs has been an overall bust and T. Williams has been so-so. The biggest benefit of the trade was Fournette who is averaging 25 points over the last two weeks. Not only was the biggest injury of the season avoided - but he also managed to grab a player who is playing like a top five running back.
WR - Amari Cooper, Stefon Diggs, Will Fuller V, Mike Williams, Paul Richardson Jr, Tyrell Williams, Diontae Jordan
How do set the all-time record? You take a player who had scored 33 points the entire season and have him score 53 in one week. Fuller scored so many points last week, he jumped to 7th overall as a wide receiver. That was huge, but Cooper has been better. Cooper scored nearly 40 points last week and is averaging over 22 points a week. If you are doing the math, those two alone scored a tad under 95 points last week - not a bad showing!
TE - George Kittle
When it comes to top tier tight ends - Kittle is in the triumvirate. Kittle is essentially the number one receiver in San Fran. and he is beginning to return to form. He is the 8th overall tight end and he has already had his bye week - which also means that there is no need for a bench spot to be used for a backup. Kittle is the tight end in the starting lineup and barring any injury he will never be moved from there.
DEF/K - Rams, Harrison Butker
I will be the first to say that I am thoroughly confused by the fact that the LA Rams defense is not performing up to par. There is talented players all across the board and they have one of a few players that can single-handedly wreck the offensive line. Last week, Russell Wilson was constantly forced out of the pocket - he just happens to be better on the run, which will not always be the case. Butker came into the season as a top tier kicker and as long their offense continues to keep moving - he will stay there.
Yes, you are looking at a team that not only set the all-time high score for the week, but also is a serious contender for the championship. I would hate to face-off against a team that just scored 211 the past week....
Matchup of the Week
PEN15 Wrinkle* (4-1) v Bluffton Backup Backups (2-3)
Let's break it down...
QB - Ryan v Wentz
Matt Ryan is in a pass first offense and has a friendly matchup with the Arizona defense. Julio Jones, Calvin Ridley, and Austin Hooper should find plenty of openings down field. Wentz is desperately missing his speedy wide-out (D-Jax) who can keep the defenses honest on the backside. Not too mention Wentz has to travel to Minnesota and take on a tough defense in a hostile environment. Advantage Ryan
RB - Breida/Fournette v Elliott/Gordon
When you read these four names, you would think the advantage is greatly with Elliott and Gordon. However, the Chargers look content in splitting touches with Gordon and Ekeler. Elliott is looking at a very nice matchup with the atrocious NY Jets and should be getting plenty of touches in the second half. However, Fournette and Breida both looked fantastic last week and this battle will actually be much closer than what one might think. Coin flip
WR - Cooper/Diggs v Allen/Boyd
This is another tough matchup with Cooper and Allen both continually making big plays for their teams. The biggest conundrum in this battle is where has Stefon Diggs been? Boyd is still the go-to receiver in Cincy, as long as Green is sidelined. Will Diggs be able to step-up and actually score some points? Doubt it. Advantage Allen/Boyd
TE - Kittle v Walker
As much as I love Delanie "Best Tight End in the NFL" Walker - this is a huge advantage to Kittle. Kittle is the number receiver in San Fran. and his target share is gigantic. This really shouldn't be a surprise, but the advantage is clearly with Kittle.
FLEX - Fuller v Jeffery
Fuller just exploded and showcased his boom-or-bust ability. His name is now in our record books and it will more than likely be awhile until someone tops the performance. However, previous to that performance he looked like a receiver that belonged on the waiver wire. Will he do it again? Well, the Texans travel to KC and this game could be a shootout with big plays all over the field. Which would you rather play: a boom-or-bust player in a game that should be a shootout or a player that struggled with drops last week traveling to Minnesota? Give me Fuller.
DEF/K - Rams/Butker v Panthers/Empty
So, let me get this straight. PEN15 is playing Breida and Kittle against his own defense? Interesting strategy, very very interesting. Oddly enough, I still think that side has the advantage and it is due to the nature of the Texans/Chiefs game and it possibly being a shootout. Butker should reach double digits. Advantage Rams/Butker
Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle wins
Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle wins
Wings of Dickarus* (4-1) v Pretty Boy is my B*tch (4-1)
Let's just call this what it is.... The Real Matchup of the Week. Both of these teams are 4-1 and this battle will decide who is leading the division of "Sultry Spoon." The difference between these two teams? About 180 points scored. Imagine a handicap person goes around races other handicap people. They continue to win and feel pretty good about themselves. Soon enough this handicap person is going to try and step-up to the real race ring. He walks into a circle of actual runners, people who have trained, and challenge someone who isn't handicap. Well, then that r*tard trips over his own feet and Wings of Dickarus coasts to victory.
Prediction: Wings of Dickarus wins
Mystery Guest: Wings of Dickarus wins
Hernandez Hit Men (2-3) v Biggus Dickus (3-2)
What was once the name of one of the most dominant teams in the league - Hernandez Hit Men wasn't below .500 since they were the Certified G's. Now look at them, under .500 and if they lose this week they will be facing a serious threat of not making the playoffs. With no top performers on their team this week could be a struggle. On the flip side, Biggus has been on a tear as of lately. In the last three weeks Biggus has scored the 2nd most points of all the teams. Look for this trend to continue.
Prediction: Biggus Dickus wins
Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men win
Hoosier Daddy* (2-3) v The Back Hatch (2-3)
Can we just take a moment and just celebrate the fact that at least The Back Hatch has a team on the field this early in the week? Good for him. His team is loaded with names, but they just haven't performed. On the flip side, Hoosier Daddy pretty much relies on the Browns offense to show up. If they don't play well, Hoosier doesn't score well. The Browns record: 2-3, Hoosier Daddy record: 2-3. It also doesn't look good since Cleveland travels to Seattle.
Prediction: The Back Hatch wins
Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy wins
The J-Bones (1-4) v Florida State Seminal Vesicle* (3-2)
There once was a team with tier one guys
Yet, they still suck even with no one on byes
1-4 is not good for looks, just ask Brandin Cooks
Or ask Adam Thielen, "Just why can't this team win?"
The matchups are tough, and the outlook is bleak
Psyche... I am pulling for the upset this week!
Prediction: The J-Bones win
Mystery Guest: Florida State Seminal Vesicle wins
Aaron Rodgers blows Llamas* (3-2) v ...And Your Johnson (1-4)
If the checkmarks don't already tell you all you need to know, let me break it down for you...
1) Johnson relies heavily on Mahomes and Kelce each week to begin with, but then....
2) The combination of a bye week for Montgomery and injuries to other running backs forces Dion Lewith and Jamaal Williams to get the start. Don't worry at least, Peyton Barber can really solidify his running game from the FLEX position! 😵😵
Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas win
Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas win
Ankle Holster (2-3) v Massive TD's (2-3)
Two teams enter the ring, only one team will leave with .500 record - who will it be? Find out this week, on....... "Flaccid Weiner vs Mammoth Mammories"
The trailer to that movie would be completely amazing. I just imagine a guy walking around with this ridiculously long weiner strapped to his ankle. He is just rolling out a saloon (western movie, naturally) and all of the women run away shouting.
"Noooooo, not again." "He's a monster!" "It was too painful!"
Tri-pod is looking for another women, but then the hero of the movie steps out and she is a big ol' broad. Rumor has it, her mammories have been known to deflect bullets, smash cars, and yes - even suffocate the most ruthless of villains. The duel is real and it is about to go down...
The first bullet is fired by Flaccid - which the entire audience knew he was going to fire first, all men do! Mammoth shoots it to the side with her left underboob, but something has happened - something shocking. Flaccid was able to reload and fire right away; Mammoth is taken by surprise. She has never been with a man that can go back to back like Flaccid. Nonetheless, the surprise shot is a direct hit, square on the forehead. As Mammoth falls to the ground all you hear in the background is spurs and the sound of something being drug in the dirt - guess he didn't holster his weapon when he was finished!
Prediction: Ankle Holster wins
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins
Predicted Belt Winner: Wings of Dickarus
Predicted Belt Winner: Florida State Seminal Vesicle
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