You walk into our local Wal-mart and you see the elderly greeter, the name tag says - "Hi, my name is Charlie!" When you see these names (Pat, Alex, etc) you use to be able to tell whether you were talking to a gentleman or women - no longer the case. It actually doesn't even matter what the name is anymore - who knows who/what you are talking to? You move on and begin looking for your local libation isle. As you walk you are suddenly bumped in the shoulder, another teen with their head down texting as they are walking. You are a good person, so you feel the sudden urge to say, "Excuse me." Yet, if you really stop and think about it; why are you going to say you are sorry? This is our world now - the good people have to be cautious about anything they say or do, because the bottom feeders have been given all the power.
This is actually the reason why I love fantasy football. It makes sense - the better players score more points. Yes, there is the outlier case when a loaded team will lose; but that is more of an outlier than it is a regular occurrence. If your team is loaded with talent or you hit on a draft pick - you have power. Now what happens when a team has talent and they happen to have every single player on their team hit the bad outlier week at once? You score the all-time low and find yourself being highlighted as the...
Team of the Week
Ankle Holster
QB - Jared Goff, Kirk Cousins
These two quarterbacks are middle of the road quarterbacks that have created a tough decision each week for the owner. Each quarterback has a chance to have a good week or a really bad week. Last week it Goff had a terrible week - but still managed to score in the positives. This was actually a positive because he was in the negatives nearly the entire game.
RB - Austin Ekeler, Saquon Barkley, Marlon Mack, Ronald Jones II
This group of running backs have been the driving force for Ankle Holster. With a recent trade made this week, Dalvin Cook now had a new home and Ankle Holster has tried to bolster another department on the team. Ekeler has been one of the top backs in the league and still looks like the best running back on the Chargers roster. Barkley is coming off an injury and everyone is watching to see if he will return back to form. Mack has been the big surprise so far this season - he has been get plenty of touches and been very efficient with those touches. Mack is averaging nearly 15 points a week - which is a terrific score for your 3rd running back.
WR - Robert Woods, Emmanuel Sanders, Sterling Shepard, John Brown, Chris Conley, Deandre Hopkins
Don't think for one minute that just because Hopkins was listed last in this group he isn't going to be quickly inserted into the starting lineup. Hopkins was the recent acquisition in a trade that sent a top running back packing. This move was one that attempted to send a player in a position that was overloaded in attempt to find a stallion for another position. Hopkins solidifies the wide receiver department and as long as Woods or Sanders can step up and become a top 28 wide receiver, this group is going to get the job done.
TE - Gerald Everett
The tight end position is one of those positions that is going to separate teams. There is the typical top tier tight ends, then Hooper and Andrews have both performed amazingly. Other than that, most of the tight ends are crap shoots and Everett finds himself in that same category. Everett is a tight end that Ankle Holster goes back and forth with Jimmy Graham, but neither are anything special. If Everett can make the jump this team will find itself competing for a title.
DEF/K - Packers/Robbie Gould
When you are a Packers fan, you gotta have at least one Packers player on your team - and what is better than one player? How about eleven? The Packers find themselves just outside the top ten in position rank and are beginning to rely more and more on their offense to win games. Their front four know how to get after the quarterback, but other than that they have struggled to stop teams. Gould is what he is, and we let him off the hook!
Matchup of the Week
Ankle Holster (2-4) v PEN15 Wrinkle* (5-1)
You can't script a better storyline than this matchup of the week, both work in the same department, one team has the all-time high score, one team has the all-time low score - let's f*cking go.....
QB: Goff v Ryan
Even better for the matchup is the face-off between the two quarterbacks. Goff has been awful, maybe it is the fact that his receivers have not been able to get open downfield, or maybe that Gurley isn't a huge threat this season and teams can just sit back in the secondary, or maybe it is the fact that he strongly resembles Ryan Gosling. Either way, Ryan should have the advantage here. However, the slight wrinkle is whether or not Jalen Ramsey can play. Wait... did I say wrinkle? That has to be a sign, Ryan with the edge.
RB: Ekeler/Mack v Breida/Fournette
Personally, I would have loved for Barkley to slotted here, however we can't always have what we want. Ekeler has been performing superbly, but with Gordon coming back nobody knows what this timeshare will look like. Mack is coming off of a bye and Indy's offense looks fantastic when they force feed their bell cow running back. Fournette is really the running back to talk about in this matchup. Fournette and the new look Jags offense have really broken out this year. Fournette is averaging 18 points a week and the past three weeks have averaged 21 points. With that kind of consistency, you really can not go against Breida/Fournette.
WR: Woods/Sanders v Cooper/Diggs
This current matchup looks lopsided, but let's not focus too much on this matchup. Let's focus more on what this will be... Woods(Sanders)/Hopkins v Cooper/Diggs. Hopkins is a complete game changer and is a huge name to bring in and solidify a weak area. Not too mention Cooper is facing serious doubts about playing this week, dealing with pussy-itis. Once you throw Hopkins in the mix, the advantage swings in the direction of the Holster receivers.
TE: Everett v Kittle
There is not a lot to talk about when you have a waiver wire tight end matchup up against a top tier tight end. The obvious advantage is with Kittle.
FLEX: Barkley v Fuller
We finally get the matchup we want, Barkley - a top three pick in the draft going against Fuller - the current all-time point getter for the league. How do you counter balance a stallion? With a boom-or-bust play. Nobody in their right mind is giving the edge to Fuller, but he does have the capabilities to make the big play every time the ball is snapped. Edge to Barkley
DEF/K: Packers/Gould v Rams/Butker
Interesting to have the defense that your quarterback is going against as your starting defense. Maybe he just wants to lockup some points either way? No matter what happens, the Rams defense will look much better in future weeks with the addition of Ramsay. Butker is obviously a great play, a good kicker on a very good team. Edge to those Rams/Butker
Prediction: Pen15 Wrinkle wins
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins
The Back Hatch (2-4) v Wings of Dickarus* (5-1)
What do you do when sit atop the league and seem to have everything clicking in the right direction? Obviously, you sit back and just the machine work. Not what Wings decided to do, surprised? No one is. Wings sent Hopkins (and other play to named later) packing and welcomed Dalvin Cook with open arms. This is a fair trade in the long run; however, with Godwin on the bye Wings will need to turn to either a questionable receiver or Beasley. It really shouldn't matter too much, as The Back Hatch seems to be facing issues of their own. Duke Johnson makes an appearance in the starting lineup - as well as Trubisky. This is the first time all season someone named Allen is not holding the starting quarterback position. Will the shake-up send a message lock-up a big win for The Back Hatch? Not likely.
Prediction: Wings of Dickarus wins
Mystery Guest: Wings of Dickarus wins
Florida State Seminal Vesicle** (4-2) v Biggus Dickus (4-2)
If anybody was curious, this is probably the actual "Matchup of the Week." However, in the spirit of tradition the Team of the Week (and the great storylines) find themselves with a terrific undercard matchup that they will have to try to outshine. FSSV (two-time belt holder) and Biggus Dickus have been two of the hottest teams in the league. Hooper is playing like a man on fire and if Ramsey does play for the Rams (shadowing Jones), Hooper could see plenty of targets. Ironically, both teams have defenses from the AFC East and both are hoping that their defenses can stop the other two AFC East opponents. As the teams stand - it is a tough decision, could be a coin flip, but Hooper is playing too good and is too much of a threat this week.
Prediction: Biggus Dickus wins
Mystery Guest: Biggus Dickus wins
Bluffton Backup Backups (2-4) v Hernandez Hit Men (2-4)
Somebody get Triple B on the line and tell him to fill that kicker slot - I will absolutely lose my sh*t if it stay open for this week as well. What is worse - I will absolutely lose my sh*t if Triple B leaves the kicker slot opens and still wins. Ahhhhh, f*ck it - leave it open... it will make that much sweeter when Elliott/Gordon/Wentz/Allen all go off and lock up the win!
Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins
Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men wins
...And Your Johnson (1-5) v Dixie Normous (4-2)
A few things about this matchup....
A) Love the new team name: Dixie Normous formerly known as Pretty Boy is My B*tch
B) Until ....And Your Johnson makes a switch or trade or something to get some new mojo, I just can't pick them to win.
3) Is anyone surprised that even ESPN only thinks the good players on ....And Your Johnsons squad is Mahomes/Kelce? Just look for yourself.
Prediction: Dixie Normous wins
Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous wins
Massive TD's (3-3) v Hoosier Daddy* (3-3)
Massive TD's better thank the scheduling committee for string fortunate matchups. Last week, he faced off against the team that scored the lowest all-time points. This week? Hoosier Daddy has four of his nine starters out on bye. There are players that will fill the positions - but Hoosier Daddy has never been to really get things going fully with his lineup. It will be scary to see Adams/OBJ/Chubb/Jackson all in the same lineup, definitely do not want to matchup with that. Luckily, for Massive TD's he will not have to worry about that this week, just be thankful!
Prediction: Massive TD's wins
Mystery Guest: Massive TD's wins
Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas* (4-2) v The J-Bones (1-5)
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I mean..... well...... you could say....... top tier....... uhhhhhh. There comes a point in time when you have to wonder, what is wrong with my team? What is wrong with a team that starts Rodger/Kamara/Thielen - shouldn't that team be better than 1-5? You might say, what about the depth? Cooks/Coleman/Zuerlein are not bad depth. Not too mention Olsen had been playing well; Freeman has been performing decently. Yet, something just isn't working. It is tough, I seem think that The J-Bones have the lineup to win and yet it never happens. Maybe I am the reason they keep losing. Well, here is my gift to you - I won't jinx you this time.
Prediction: Aaron Rodger Blows Llamas wins
Mystery Guest: The J-Bones wins
Belt Prediction: Biggus Dickus
Mystery Guest Belt Prediction: Ankle "Motha F*ckin" Holster
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