Week 12 Predictions

Yoooooooo, we have two weeks left of the regular season - time to take a deeper look into the possible outcomes of the season....

Playoff Chances:

Remember the Redskins (8-3) - 100%, Ankle Holster and BBB

RtR is now playing for the number 1 seed, if they win out they lock it up. They have Ankle Holster and Bluffton Backup Backups remaining. Which does give them a legitimate chance to be the only team to reach double digit wins. The only question remains - if they are to be the number 1 seed, can they be the first ever 1 seed to win it all in this league?

The J-Bones (7-4) - 98%, HHM and PEN15 Wrinkle

Officially the hottest team on the block, with 4 straight wins. So far, The J-Bones have had a 3 game winning streak, 4 game losing streak, and now are on a 4 game winning streak. They should be in the playoffs - but if they happen to lose the next two games and lose big - they could possibly miss out. Obviously, this shouldn't happen - but at this point, who knows?!?!

Asymmetric TDs (7-4) - 98%, PFT and Asians

Asymmetric TDs is in the unique position where they have the best chance at the 2-seed or not making the playoffs. Currently, they are leading their division - but their division theoretically could have 4 of the 6 teams that don't make the playoffs. Once again, there is a much better chance they lockup the 2nd seed - but they do need to secure a few wins in order for that to happen.

iTouchdown There (6-5) - 85%, BBB and HHM

iTouch should get in the playoffs - they control all tie-breakers. If they get to 7-wins, they should be in - however, if they manage to trip over themselves near the finish line - things could get much more interesting. Win and you are in!

From here on out, the water gets a little murkier... 

2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (6-5) - 78%, Dixie and PFT

2G1C already has a 6th win, which means one more win and they should be in great position. They face the already eliminated Dicks next week and then square off against PFT in the final week - which could be a win-or-go-home week for both teams.

Hernandez Hit Men (6-5) - 70%, The J-Bones and iTouchdown

HHM better send a gracious letter to ESPN by allowing him to play Hill at QB. Honestly, that may be what ends up saving his season. Tough matchups down the stretch, but one more win and they should be in. The DDA number-1 pick - is struggling to make the playoffs, which makes them even more dangerous if they do get in.

Penis Fly Trap (6-5) - 62%, Asymmetric and 2G1C

PFT is one of the teams that have 6-wins already, but they also have the toughest final two games. Asymmetric is leading their division and 2G1C is in 2nd. PFT is in 4th for The Growers - it looks like we are gonna get a good look at how the divisions stack up against each other in the final two weeks.

3rd and 41 (5-6) - 69%, ARBL and Dixie

3rd and 41 really wanted to get a win this past week, especially after getting a gift the week before. They are in the middle of the pack in terms of wins, but they also should hold tie-break over most teams. If I was a betting man... I would say they get-in (but I am also bad at betting).

Ankle Holster (5-6) - 57%, RtR and ARBL

Let's all just say it, we know this is going to come down to the final week and the battle with ARBL. Which is what we all want - all the sh*t talking and bet making comes down to a matchup between the two teams.

Solo Driving Asians (5-6) - 40%, PEN15 and Asymmetric

I sit here, astounded by the fact that SDA is still alive and well in the playoff race. The final two weeks are must wins and if that happens and little luck outside of their control and they could still get-in. Honestly, if they get in... I can not wait for the 30 for 30 documentary called, "Not the Worst." Think Handy Rubbins would be up for an interview?

After this, family members have their hands on the plug and are about the pull it...

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (4-7) - 18%, 3rd and 41 and Ankle Holster

This has to be one of the fastest falls from when the playoff prediction posts start. After week 7, ARBL sat at 4-3 and had an 83% chance to make the playoffs. After failing to secure a win in the weeks in between, it is not looking good. ARBL needs to win out and have some luck handed their way.

Bluffton Backup Backups (4-7) - 3%, iTouch and RtR

This was the week that really put the nail in the coffin. Now, I know how powerful of a man you are outside of fantasy football - so I will just say this. It was the biology teacher that knocked you out - not me. Once again, it was not me. I repeat, it was NOT ME.

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-7) - 0%

I lost to this team.

Dixie Normous (4-7) - 0%

I would like to take this time to thank Dixie Normous for all the good times he has given us during his 2-time defending champion run. All bullsh*t wins and effin' awful lineups he started. We are so proud of you and trust me when I say this, we have never been more glad to see you not make the playoffs.

Let's jump to this week's matchups...

Matchup of the Week

Remember the Redskins* (8-3) v Ankle Holster* (5-6)

This is the MotW for one reason and one reason only.... the rest of the family. As these quarrel over fantasy and yell obscenities at each other (I can only imagine the string of words and crazy concoction of curses) the rest of the family will be trying to enjoy each other's company. I feel bad for anyone else in that household - then again, would it be any different than a normal family gathering? You know what, now that I think about this - this is actually going to be as if nothing has changed. Let's take a quick look into the future and look at what it is going to be like....

Ankle Holster wakes up... finishes his beer from the previous night and cracks another one open. He pours the rest into his bowl of cereal and opens another one (because you have to have a drink with your morning cereal). As guests start to arrive Ankle Holster finishes off his first 6-pack of the day. RtR finally shows up to the party, trying to play it cool because he knows he has the better team. But underneath it all, he was crunching numbers and matchups all night - because he knows he can't lose to the big brother. For if he does, all of Wells county will know about it and he will never live it down. "Hey F*ckface, welcome to the Beatdown!" Big brother jumps off the 2nd story balcony as if he was dropping a WWE elbow - in midflight he cracks open and finishes another beer. Then all hell breaks loose and everyone in the family starts beating the sh*t out of each other Royal Rumble style. "Everyone knock this sh*t off. We are going to eat in peace and pretend like we love each... Damnit!" The matriarch has spoken. "Shut the hell up Mom!" And with that WWIII breaks out and every single family member is beat to a pulp by Momma V.

Prediction: Remember the Redskins wins

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins

Penis Fly Trap (6-5) v Asymmetric TDs** (7-4)

I hate to say this, because I know I am going to jinx myself. Amari Cooper literally and figuratively feasts on Thanksgiving day. In the 2018 season, he posted a stat line of 8 catches, 180 yards, and 2 touchdowns. In the 2019 season, he had 11 targets and 8 catches for 85 yards. Which gives him an average of 8 catches, 130 yards and 1 touchdown - that will do pig, that will do. Call me a fool - no literally, call me a fool. But this matchup is going only one way....

Prediction: Penis Fly Trap wins

Mystery Guest: Asymmetric TDs wins

iTouchdown There* (6-5) v Bluffton Backup Backups (4-7)

iTouchdown is one of the best teams in the league - yet somehow ranked 6-5. That is because iTouch is a roster full of boom-or-bust players....

Jamison Crowder - 5 games in double digits, 6 games under or did not even play

Tyler Lockett - 6 games over 15 points, 5 games with 11 or under

Jonnu Smith - 7 games over 10 points, 4 games under 10 points

Nick Chubb - 3 games over 18 points, 3 games under 12 points (only played in 6)

When you have four of your starting lineup this inconsistent, anything can happen. Oh yeah, and they have Murray and Cook - soooooooo yeah, they are going win.

Prediction: iTouchdown There wins and takes the belt

Mystery Guest: iTouchdown There wins

Solo Driving Asians (5-6) v PEN15 Wrinkle (4-7)

You know how the Asians keep this finger blasting rider going? They matchup against the worst team in the league. Although, if there is any team that can cool off a nice solo mission - it is PEN15. They might be the worst team in the league, but that have managed to beat: Penis Fly Trap, 3rd and 41, The J-Bones, and Dixie Normous. Three out of four teams are looking to make the playoffs and the 4th team currently has the belt - not a bad slew of wins. Either way, I am riding the hot hand (not quite the same way as the Asians) and taking SDA!

Prediction: Solo Driving Asians wins

Mystery Guest: Solo Driving Asians wins and take the belt!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (4-7) v 3rd and 41* (5-6)

If SDA has the hot hand right now, ARBL is sitting in the freezer. They have lost 4 straight weeks. Some might say it is because they traded away Dalvin Cook for Hopkins. However, Hopkins has performed - it has been the other players that have let ARBL down. Specifically, the QB position - which has average 10.41 points over the previous 4 weeks... and that includes 19.2 points from Newton last week. Which means prior to last week - ARBL averaged roughly 7 points a week from the QB over the losing streak. Unfortunately for 3rd and 41 - ARBL now has Newton and he could be the solution to all their problems. Look for ARBL to correct the ship this week...

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins

Mystery Guest: 3rd and 41 win

The J-Bones** (7-4) v Hernandez Hit Men* (6-5)

This is a battle that looked good after about week 3. The J-Bones had won the belt 2 out of the first 3 weeks and Hernandez Hit Men was still flying high from being ranked first in the DDA.

Then at about week 8 the matchup would have looked bad. The J-Bones were spiraling from losing Prescott and HHM was getting no production from their stud running backs.

Now, the matchup looks so-so with big playoff implications. Hernandez Hit Men need to win to help out their standing in the playoff race. The J-Bones need to win to try and keep pace in their division and possible have a chance at the top spot. The J-Bones are going to be riding their horses all week long...

Prediction: The J-Bones win

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men win

Dixie Normous* (4-7) v 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (6-5)

I will just say this, 2G1C got a lot better when they welcome back Robinson and Diggs from bye weeks. This lineup is what a champion looks like. This is going to be the final blow to the dick. You had a good run Dixie - a damn good run. 

Prediction: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp

Mystery Guest: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp

Mwah

I wish you all good luck, except for you Asymmetric TDs, may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe! 

Week 11 Results

Life is a roller coaster. There are ups and downs and twisties and twirls. As soon as you young bucks can realize that - the better off you will be. Take 2020 for example... this is a down. We need to roll with the punches - sure some of it feels like a knockout, but nahhhhhh - we got that steel chin!

The same can be said about a fantasy football season. You have ups and you have downs. You have times when your team feels like it is the worst team in the league. You have times when you feel like you could have beaten anyone in the league. If you haven't muttered the words, "My fantasy team is awful" then you have not gone through a whole fantasy football league. Maybe you lost to the worst team in the league and everyone just assumed you were going to roll-over and just....

Nope, not anymore cruel world! I see what you are trying to do and it isn't going to work! Let's jump to the matchups...

Matchup of the Week

The J-Bones** (7-4) v 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (6-5)

The J-Bones are having the definition of a "roller coaster" season. They won the belt in 2 of the first 3 weeks. Then Dak Prescott and Aaron Jones get injured and everything looks lost. Now they are back on the upswing and have back-to-back wins. They are close to locking up and playoff spot and this was a big win as it separates themselves and 2G1C. On the flip side, 2G1C made a few big trades and many pundits thought they were in his favor. This is still a team you do not want to see in the playoffs, trust me - if 2G1C gets in the playoffs, they have a legitimate chance to pull a few upsets.

Prediction: The J-Bones win.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones win.... RIGHT!!

Penis Fly Trap (6-5) v Ankle Holster (5-6)

This was another crucial matchup in terms of the playoff push. Both teams came into this week sitting at 5-5 and now this was a win that was needed. PFT had a great showing across the board - but it did cost them Burrow. Is that a price they can pay? The jury is out on that one. On the flip side, Ankle Holster is shoved closer to the brink of elimination. The next two weeks are key matchups - Remember the Redskins and Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams.

Prediction: Penis Fly Trap wins.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins... WRONG!!

Bluffton Backup Backups (4-7) v Dixie Normous (4-7)

Let's be honest, both of these teams are pretty much eliminated. Dixie Normous won the belt - congrats... you still ain't making the playoffs!

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups wins.... WRONG!!

Asymmetric TDs** (7-4) v iTouchdown There* (6-5)

This was a big battle between two teams that know how to score points. iTouchdown lived up to the hype and scored the 3rd most points this week. On the flip side, TDs is not doing itself any justice to wrap-up their division. They still sit atop their division, but a few more wins may have them sitting atop the entire league. On the flip side, iTouchdown is still in the middle of the playoff push - but they own the tiebreaker against everyone... the perks of scoring a lot of points. They should be able to make the playoffs - but we have seen crazier things....

Predictions: iTouchdown There wins.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: iTouchdown There wins.... RIGHT!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-6) v Remember the Redskins* (8-3)

2 Thoughts....

A) PEN15 Wrinkle's team is horrible

II) I lost to that team... last week.

Prediction: Remember the Redskins wins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Remember the Redskins wins.... RIGHT!!

3rd and 41* (5-6) v Solo Driving Asians (5-6)

Who would have seen this coming? SDA has now won 3 out of the last 4 weeks and rising from the dead. If momentum was thing, it has shifted entirely from ARBL and moved to SDA. With a visit from PEN15 Wrinkle next - Asians have a chance of keeping this ride going for a little bit longer. On the flip side, this was a dropped opportunity from 3rd and 41. 3rd and 41 now needs to lock up 2 more wins, although this season is getting crazy and we could see a 6-win team make the playoffs... will it be 3rd and 41?

Prediction: 3rd and 41 wins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: 3rd and 41 wins... WRONG!!

Hernandez Hit Men* (6-5) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (4-7)

Let's just say that ARBL got completely screwed this week. ESPN leagues allowed Taysom Hill to be played as a TE, which allowed HHM to essentially have 2 QBs in the lineup. What do you do? Not only that, but the announcement came late in the week, and neither myself nor the mystery guest were able to change our picks - something we both clearly would have done.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins... WRONG!!

Season: 39-38, BP 1

Mystery Guest: 38-39, BP 1

Mwah

Week 11 Predictions

Oh yes, here we go! We are on a break away run and all we have to do is keep running and not trip over our own feet...

There are a few teams that are beginning to look like Jones, let's take a look at how the playoff push is standing...

Locked-in

Asymmetric TD's - the way the final stretch plays out, it looks like a 7-win team is going to make it in the playoffs. With 7-wins already in the bag, TD's will be looking to play for the top spot and the regular season championship.

Remember the Redskins - See "Asymmetric TD's"

Getting an Uber with a big backseat

The J-Bones - The J-Bones went from looking like they were going to struggle making the playoffs - to nearly closing the deal. It was a huge win this week for the squad, putting them in prime position to close the deal.

2 Gurleys 1 Cupp - This squad has quietly put together a very good season. This team will be tough in the playoffs and they are pretty much one win away from locking it up.

iTouchdown There - This quad can score points and score them in bunches. They lead the league in scoring and should win any tie breaker, should there be a need for one.

3rd and 41 - See "iTouchdown There" except they are sitting at 4th in scoring in the league. 

Not tonight, but trying to get the digits for later

Penis Fly Trap - There is no denying the fact that this squad dropped the ball this week. They could have put themselves in a much better position, instead they are now going to struggle trying to lock up a spot in the playoffs.

Hernandez Hit Men - The DDA #1 team has failed to meet expectations. They should be able to separate themselves from the pack, but they are failing to take advantage of easy matchups.

Ankle Holster - This team is looking stronger as the playoff push starts up. They secured the belt this week and will be looking to trying and lockup a playoff spot in the next two weeks.

Aaron Rodgers Blow Llams - This team has the best WR's and has the remaining three weeks against 5-5 teams, their destiny is in their hands.

If they hang around long enough, they might get a little action

Bluffton Backup Backups - Last week was a big week against The J-Bones, this loss really hurt their chances. They are not out of it - but they will need some solid weeks to finish out the season.

Solo Driving Asians - In Davante Adams we trust.

PEN15 WRINKLE - Big win this week and keeps them still in the race. They are barely hanging on, but the fact that they are still hanging on is better than being dead.

No means no

Dixie Normous - It looks like it is going to take 7 wins, it will become a little more clear after this week. They are about to pull the plug on the back-to-back defending champion.

Let's jump to the matchups for the week....

Matchup of the Week

The J-Bones** v 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp

What a MotW we have here! Both teams sit at a 6-4 record and both teams are looking to get the crucial 7th win. This matchup really comes down to the Kansas City/Las Vegas game. The J-Bones are looking for Carr and Jacobs to continue the hot hand and have big weeks. 2G1C will be hoping that Kelce can continue to be the dominant TE that he has been all year. As it stands, it looks like The J-Bones are going to sneak away with the much needed 7th win and they will separating themselves from the pack.

Prediction: The J-Bones win

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones win... and takes the belt!

Ankle Holster** v Penis Fly Trap

What do you do when you lose the worst team in the league? You play the most recent belt winner and you beat his ass. Sure, Gibson and Davis have been diamonds in the rough. Sure, Brady and Gronkowski are beginning to find their rhythm. Sure, the Miami Dolphins defense has been playing amazingly and they are looking to try and tie up the division this week. That don't f*cking matter! The stables are restocked with optimism and the horse are rested from their bye week. Time for the fly trap to starting gabbing some dicks!

Prediction: Penis Fly Trap wins

Mystery Belt: Ankle Holster wins

Bluffton Backup Backups v Dixie Normous

Dixie Normous may be all but eliminated, but they can really have some fun knocking others out of the race as well. BBB really needs to get a win and they have a legitimate chance of getting one this week. If Herbert can have a mediocre game against the Jets and Elliott can continue his play of "so-so" offense BBB should be in prime position to grab a win. This is a tightly matched battle and BBB should be able to pull it out with the depth they have throughout the roster. 

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups win

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups win

Asymmetric TD's** v iTouchdown There*

This is a battle of top tier QB's and this is also a battle for the belt. If I had to guess, the winner of this matchup is going to take the belt for the week. Asymmetric TDs has the best player in fantasy football - Kamara, and the 3rd best QB - Mahomes. iTouchdown There has the best QB - Murray, and the 2nd best running back - Cook. The difference is the fact that iTouchdown There also has Chubb and Lockett, who could go off at any time. iTouchdown may be a rookie to the league, but he is making waves with this killer lineup.

Prediction: iTouchdown There wins

Mystery Guest: iTouchdown There wins

PEN15 Wrinkle v Remembering the Redskins*

Has there ever been a worse team that was able to win? PEN15 grabbed a win last week, and it will probably be their last win of the season. Brees has a punctured lung and broken ribs on either side. Just think about that, even Brees doesn't want to play for the sh*thole of a team. RtR is looking to rebound from the rough outing they had last week and they should easily walk away with a win this week. Hell, they may even double PEN15's scoring output.

Prediction: Remembering the Redskins wins

Mystery Guest: Remember the Redskins wins

3rd and 41* v Solo Driving Asians

3rd and 41 comes into the week needing a win and Asians comes into the week continuing a little run. Adams has been the heart and soul of the team and if he has a good week the rest of the team follows. Unlucky for Adams, he goes against the number defense in the NFL - Indianapolis. That could spell trouble for the Asians - they needs Adams to have a big week in order to have a chance against Famous Jameis and the Boyz! Not likely to happen and Hill is going to have a field day after his restful week off.

Prediction: 3rd and 41 wins

Mystery Guest: 3rd and 41 wins

Hernandez Hit Men* v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

It is now or never time for ARBL and HHM. Both desparately need a win this week and if they make the playoffs, both teams present teams that nobody wants to face. The three headed monster of Hopkins/Thomas/Godwin look crazy good and if Johnson can get anything going for Houston this team should be good to lock up the win this week. On the flip side, the DDA #1 overall team has struggled to get anything going and may begin to feel the squeeze of the playoff push after this week... if they are not able to lock up a win tomorrow.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins

Mwah

Week 10 Results

There is a special kind of gene that runs in my family. Typically, it is a male dominated gene and I am pretty sure it is in our blood. It starts with my dad - it was passed down to me and my brother - and I know Abe is going to have it. We tend to say whatever we think is funny to us, no matter the crowd.

If you have ever met my father - you know that he is the Holy Trinity of this. He will literally say whatever he wants, whenever he wants. A high majority of the time it is inappropriate or jaw dropping. Social rules do not apply to him (or so he thinks) - some of you are beginning to think, "Adam makes a little more sense now." What can I say, it is in our blood.

I bring this up for one specific reason. For the past three weeks in the blog, I am have been writing about how sh*tty one specific team is... PEN15 Wrinkle. How they are the worst team in the league, how the 49ers suck, and I am pretty sure something about a horse inside another dead horse. And yet, this week I have now eaten my own words and I now I am the one who looks like a fool. I present you, the results....

Matchup of the Week

Penis Fly Trap (5-5) v PEN15 Wrinkle (4-6)

At this point, why bother trying to hide it? PFT is the worst team in the league. They are the dead horse that crawled into another dead horse to get beaten. On top of that, the Chicago Bears offense manages to score 6 points, less than 150 total yards and somehow the Vikings defense only scores 12 points?!? There is nothing in this world more embarrassing than losing to the sh*t show that is PEN15 Wrinkle, and PFT did just that!

Prediction: Penis Fly Trap wins.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Penis Fly Trap wins... WRONG!!

The J-Bones** (6-4) v Bluffton Backup Backups (4-6)

What a time for Josh Jacobs and Cole Beasley himself to show-up! The J-Bones needed a win as much as we needed a Cole Beasley rap album - and both happened....

Yeah, I am just gonna leave it at that...

Prediction: The J-Bones win... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups win... WRONG!!

Dixie Normous (3-7) v Asymmetric TD's** (7-3)

I will say, if there is one team that rivals the PFT and PEN15 Wrinkle for being wet trash bags, it is Dixie Normous. It is very clear that there is not going to be a 3-peat this year. Every great dynasty must come to an end - and this one is falling hard. On the flip side, Kamara is looking like the most dominant player in the league. The question is going to be whether or not he can keep it up without Brees behind him.

Prediction: Dixie Normous wins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous wins... WRONG!!

iTouchdown There* (5-5) v Ankle Holster* (5-5)

Well, well, well - would you look at that. Somebody went and found themselves a the belt. As good as Murray played this week (2 rushing touchdowns) - he was still outscored by Brady. Which is going to spell trouble for iTouchdown. Gibson is turning himself into a top 10 starter and even though he is on a crappy team - he is also in an even sh*ttier division, which allows him to score points. Ankle Holster takes down the belt and a very crucial win this week.

Prediction: iTouchdown There wins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins... RIGHT!! And they take down a key belt point!

Remember the Redskins* (7-3) v 3rd and 41* (5-5)

Talk about a bad week from both teams - can you imagine barely breaking 90 points and still beating a team that was first in the league? A win is a win and that is a win. Josh Allen is good - every else struggled. On the flip side, Wilson and Metcalf failed to connect on any deep passes for a touchdown - which means it is going to be a downer week for RtR. This is a big win for 3rd and 41 and it hurts a few other team's playoff hopes.

Prediction: Remember the Redskins wins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Remember the Redskins wins... WRONG!!

Solo Driving Asians (4-6) v Hernandez Hit Men* (5-5)

The Asians are coming! The Asians are coming! Those were Paul Revere's famous last words - for all you history buffs. On top of that, it was a very well rounded scoring week for the entire team. On the flip side, HHM has yet to get anything going. The DDA #1 team overall is dangerously close to not even getting a shot in the playoffs. 

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men wins.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men wins... WRONG!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (4-6) v 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (6-4)

Once again, even though no one reads this - I will try to call attention to 2G1C. They are quietly stacking wins and yet somehow still flying under the radar. Diggs has become a top tier receiver in Buffalo and as long as there is some consistent scoring behind him - 2G1C is looking good. On the flip side, ARBL has struggled recently. Hopkins has been tremendous, and by the way - WHAT A CATCH!! However, there is lacking some scoring from the running backs and QB.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupps wins... RIGHT!!

Season: 35-35, B1

Mystery Guest: 35-35, B1

Mwah

Week 10 Predictions

 A tradition unlike any other....

What a fantastic twist of events, we are privy to the most beautiful golf major around - right smack in the middle of the season. Just for fun...

Remember the Redskins = Dustin Johnson, when he is at best - he is unbeatable. Other times, it looks like he just doesn't care.

Asymmetric TD's = Current Bryson Dechambeau, the sheer power from the top point getters (Mahomes/Kamara) makes his path to the goal easier - the rest is a little shaky, but good enough to secure the win.

iTouchdown There = Colin Morikawa, the new kid on the block has made his mark with big wins at big moments.

2 Gurleys 1 Cupp = Tommy Fleetwood, quietly putting together a good season - with consistent scoring.... and that hair flow is on point.

The J-Bones = Brendan Todd, started off the season on fire - struggled to maintain the ship, but beginning to find the balance

Hernandez Hit Men = Phil Mickelson, high expectations and fans expect so much from him - but rarely meets expectations

Penis Fly Trap = Rickie Fowler, looks good - quick talker - but never really performs the way he should

3rd and 41 = Luke Donald, amazing resume - plenty of great weeks, but never really able to get the needed win come playoff time

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams = Matthew Wolff, alllll the potential in the world - a monster off the tee, just wait till he puts it all together

Bluffton Backup Backups = Early Bryson Dechambeau, a scientist of the game, finding the calculations needed to try and create success

Dixie Normous = Jack Nicklaus, when it comes down to winning majors - there may not be anyone better, but people still argue whether or not he is the greatest

Ankle Holster = Eddie Pepperell, ever follow this guy on Twitter? Not afraid to let his voice be heard, plenty of opinions to go around

Solo Driving Asians = Matt Kuchar, consistently not the worst - and gee golly that is just okay by him

PEN15 Wrinkle = Jason Day, could have been a baaaaaadddd man on tour - but injuries derail his career so quickly

Let's jump to the good stuff...

Matchup of the Week

Penis Fly Trap (5-4) v PEN15 Wrinkle (3-6)

Yes, there will be complaints - "How is that the MotW???" "You biased piece of shit!" Well, you know what... yeah, I got nothing. This is actually the MotW for a few reasons...

A) This is a battle of the cellar dwellers (in terms of points scored) and it is good to shine the light in the corners, every once and while.

B) All the sh*t that has been written about PEN15 and this is a chance for them to get a win and burn this mother down!

C) I write the blog, so I do what I want!

Prediction: Penis FlyTrap wins

Mystery Guest: Penis FlyTrap wins

The J-Bones** (5-4) v Bluffton Backup Backups (4-5)

This is a very crucial matchup for both squads. A loss this week and it is a major shot to the heart of the playoff chances - although both could survive it would be extremely difficult. The J-Bones will be looking for big weeks from their running backs and I for one think that it is going to happen. When you've had an accident and you need points this week, call the law firm of "Jacobs and Jones" and we will provide the best support we can. On the flip side, Lamar has not been the Lamar of last season - but a decent showing this week and Allen can have another big week, this could be a tough one.

Prediction: The J-Bones win

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups wins

Dixie Normous (3-6) v Asymmetric TD's** (6-3)

Last week was fluke - but this week may be tough for the titties. Mahomes and Gurley are both on a bye and the starting kicker is also on a bye. If Dixie wants to squeak into the playoffs, this is the week to start winning! A loss here would all but eliminate Winn Dixie. They are going to need to find a suitable replacement for Elliott this week, but I think that can be done and they should be able to pull off the upset!

Prediction: Dixie Normous wins

Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous wins

iTouchdown There* (5-4) v Ankle Holster* (5-4)

This is a very big matchup between two teams sitting at 5-4. iTouchdown might be welcoming back Nick Chubb, which gives them one of the best 1-2 punches in the running back department. If one of the wide receivers can have a "boom" week - this team should easily earn the victory. On the flip side, what are the chances Brady sucks again? Ankle Holster might be looking at a great bounce back week for Brady, which also means a good week from Gronkowski. Will it be enough? Nahhhhhhhh.....

Prediction: iTouchdown There wins.... and earns the belt!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins.... and takes home the belt!

Remember the Redskins* (7-2) v 3rd and 41* (4-5)

This entire matchup hinges on whether or not Run CMC plays - if he does, RtR will win. If he doesn't, 3rd and 41 will win. I am going to say he does play and RtR does win. Although, RtR does have a winning record - and we all know how that goes with 3rd and 41. This would be a terrible time for the streak to end - a win is crucial to 3rd and 41's playoff hopes.

Prediction: Remember the Redskins wins

Mystery Guest: Remember the Redskins wins

Solo Driving Asians (3-6) v Hernandez Hit Men* (5-4)

There are career ending hits, and then there is the Johnny Knox hit. This week is the Johnny Knox hit to Solo Driving Asians, just imagine Knox's back is the playoff hopes and it doesn't end well....

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men win

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men win

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (4-5) v 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (5-4) 

This is a huuuuuge game. Both of these teams have playoff contending rosters - but only one can win in this vital matchup. ARBL has the best wide receiving group in fantasy football, nobody wants to face-off against Thomas/Hopkins/Godwin. On the flip side, 2G1C has quietly been one of the most consistent teams in the league. This matchup is going to be good and who knows, who is going to win?!? I do.... I know.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins

Mystery Guest: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins

I wish you all good luck, except for you PEN15 Wrinkle, may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash, eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

Week 9 Results

 Wellllllllll..... I was reading a book to my children and it was moving along very nicely - happy go-lucky friends, good theme throughout, even a few funny jokes. Then I turn the page it has two words...

Everyone Dies.

I flip the page.

The End.

That book is exactly how some fantasy football teams are feeling right now - things were going smoothly, tracking along nicely - then.... everyone died. Hell, some teams don't even make it to the end the book - they are like a useless white male character in a horror film. The writers all think to themselves, "We can't kill the women - we still have to show them naked. We can't kill the black character - everyone will complain and call us racist. We might as well kill the only character that nobody will riot about if they die." That is why the white, male character is killed every time - just because. Now, how does this relate in the slightest to Fantasy Football?!? Because my team is made up of "white, male characters" (not literally, actually quite a few black people) and they are all dying before the end of the season.

Let's jump to the results....

Matchup of the Week

Remember the Redskins* (7-2) v Hernandez Hit Men* (5-4)

Welcome back Run CMC! This is what the scary part is... RtR has a team that is nearly unstoppable with Run CMC in the lineup. Wilson is unbelievable, Metcalf is unbelievable. Then you throw decent scoring from anyone else and this team is going to consistently score in the 130's - with explosions like this one taking place. It is his world and we are all playing for 2nd.

Prediction: Remember the Redskins wins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Remember the Redskins wins... RIGHT!!

Penis Fly Trap (5-4) v 3rd and 41* (4-5)

Annnddddd the streak continues....

3rd and 41 continues to beat teams with winning records and lose to teams with losing records. It does help with Allen decides to out-duel Wilson and Hill has his boom game during the same week. Not that it was needed. PFT is looking more like a 70-year old bologna sandwich than a nice 22-year old tightly wrapped ham panini.

Prediction: 3rd and 41 wins.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: 3rd and 41 wins.... RIGHT!!

Bluffton Backup Backups (4-5) v Aaron Rodgers Blows L's (4-5)

BBB with a big win and keeping the playoff hopes alive! This gives a clean sweep for the tech guys a feat they have only pulled off 2 other times this season. Allen has played well - but to be honest it wasn't going to take much when Allen was carted off and Hopkins had an uncharacteristically bad week. ARBL is a team that is going to sneak into the playoffs and nobody wants to see that 3-headed monster (Thomas/Jones/Hopkins) down the stretch.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins... WRONG!!

Asymmetric TD's** (6-3) v The J-Bones** (5-4)

This might the biggest win of the season for The J-Bones. Battling a tough squad and still coming out on top - in the middle of downward spiral. This is the kind of win that can turn around a season - something a team can really build upon. JuJu finally had a good week and it helps that at the same time Kamara had a down performance, only scoring 15 points. TD's is still one of the top teams, don't this week fool you - they will get into the playoffs and they will be a tough out.

Prediction: Asymmetric TD's wins.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones wins... RIGHT!!

Ankle Holster* (4-5) v Dixie Normous (3-6)

This is a huge win for Holster - finally manages to take down the back-to-back champion. It was a rough showing from the running backs on either side - but DJ Dallas - I loved his beats when I was in Seattle - outscored Elliott. This matchup came down to the wire, as Patriots defense gave up 27 points to the lowly J-E-T-S and still managed to just score enough to secure the win. Who would have thought Joe Flacco and the winless Jets would have almost scored enough points for last year's top defense to not secure the win?

Prediction: Ankle Holster wins.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins.... RIGHT!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (3-6) v iTouchdown There* (5-4)

Honestly, at this point isn't it really like kicking a dead horse? No, this is worse. It is more like a dead horse, but then a live horse crawls inside and then you kill the horse again and beat it - it is like beating a dead horse inside a dead horse. Or you could just go to Vegas and buy two whores - kill them and then beat two whores. Or you could just be a fan of the 49ers and have your fantasy team be awful - all are pretty much the same thing.

Prediction: iTouchdown There wins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: iTouchdown There wins... RIGHT!!

2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (5-4) v Solo Driving Asians (3-6)

Ben Franklin once said, "There are three things that are certain in life: Death, Taxes, and Adams scoring 30 points." Then he smoked some hemp and drafted the rest of his fantasy team. Franklin then named his team Solo Driving Asians and watched as his team wasted Adams' amazing scoring every week with surrounding clowns. On the flip side, 2G1C is quietly flying under the radar with consistent scoring. They will be another team that will make the playoffs and should be a tough out.

Prediction: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins.... RIGHT!!

Season: 34-29

Mystery Guest: 33-30

Mwah 

 

Week 9 Predictions

Since this is Election Week (I am also starting this on Election Day) I figured I could start of with the best political joke I have ever heard - everyone knows how politically involved I am. Are you ready for it?

.....

.........

Women Voting

Yes, I know - a real banger of a joke. It is like they think they have brains or something. I mean come on - do they know? Well, I guess technically they would not know because their brains are too small to comprehend anything. Sometimes I wonder if one side of the government fought for them to vote because they thought their slanted news shows could sway such intelligently lacking people. Turns out, they ended up swaying everyone who just thought they were women. 

Playoff Percentages:

1. Asymmetric TD's: 6-2, 99%

        Until somebody is able to knock of the big swinging tits, they will keep a wrangle on the top spot. They have almost clinched a spot in the playoffs, and they have a one game lead in their division.

2. Remember the Redskins: 6-2, 99%

        RtR is pretty much in the same spot as ATD's - and they welcome back the number one overall pick. I give both the top two teams one or two weeks before they have clinched their spot in the playoffs and possibly even their division.

3. Hernandez Hit Men: 5-3, 65%

        The next two teams happen to be in the same boat, their record looks good - but their scoring output does not match. HHM actually sits 12th in points scored - but still ranks 3rd in standings. Thank-you scheduling!

4. Penis Fly Trap: 5-3, 65%

        Read "Hernandez Hit Men" and replaced "sits 12th" with "sits 13th."

5. iTouchdown There: 4-4, 75%

        iTouchdown there has a very solid team with Cook now the anchor. The bigger question - can they continue to rely on one player to have huge week?

6. The J-Bones: 4-4, 60%

        The J-Bones got a much needed win last week to stop the skid and are looking to build upon it. It is going to be rough this upcoming week with their matchup against a top team.

7. Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams: 4-4, 70%

        ARBL was apart of a big trade that should help out their lineup for the future. This is when it is time to see if the move was worth it or not.

8. 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp: 4-4, 55%

        2G1C is in the log jam of 4-4 and every week will be vital to the elongation of life in the playoff push. This week 2G1C faces a bottom tier team, but also will be searching for a QB.

9. 3rd and 41: 3-5, 50%

        3A41 have scored the 4th most points, but currently sits outside looking in. Fantasy Football can be a motherf*cker, can't it?

10. Dixie Normous: 3-5, 40%

        Dixie has struggled to get anything going in their attempt to three peat - are they running out of gas?

11. Solo Driving Asians: 3-5, 40%

        SDA has a roster that could easily make a run, but this is put-up or shut-up time.... it could a final nail in the coffin or catapult him right into the thick of things.

12. Bluffton Backup Backups: 3-5, 35%

        It has been a rough year for BBB - but that is not to say it is over. There might still be a few miracles left, and the ole Wizard could probably just shut down the entire internet if he didn't make the playoffs.

13. Ankle Holster: 3-5, 35%

        Ever since Barkley went down, it has not gone well. Can anyone do well when they are banking on one player and they get injured? Ask the better Vanderkolk.

14. PEN15 Wrinkle: 3-5, 30%

        It was stated at the draft, as the 49ers go - so will Wrinkle. Well, the 49ers have been facing injury woes - thus Wrinkle has been struggling.

On the bright side, we are getting closer to the point when scenarios will matter and teams will begin to get eliminated - who doesn't love this sh*t!

Matchup of the Week

Remember the Redskins (6-2) v Hernandez Hit Men* (5-3)

Here we go, Russell Wilson and the squad now welcomes Run CMC - which is bad news for the rest of the league. DK has obviously made his impact on the league and is going to be a superstar for years to come. On the flip side, HHM still has a strong running back department - Connors/Henry - but after that there is going to be a struggle to score points. If RtR can have a normal output of points and welcome back Run CMC, this one should be in the bag!

Prediction: Remember the Redskins wins

Mystery Guest: Remember the Redskins wins

Penis Fly Trap (5-3) v 3rd and 41* (3-5)

There are two trends that taking place....

Penis Fly Trap has yet to lose when they are listed as the home team on ESPN (5-0).

3rd and 41 has yet to lose with a team with a winning record (3-0). 

This is when an unstoppable force vs the unmovable object - which will win? Which team is which in this scenario? Nobody really knows...

Prediction: 3rd and 41 wins

Mystery Guest: 3rd and 41 wins

        

Bluffton Backup Backups (3-5) v Aaron Rodgers Blows L's (4-4)

There are a few big matchups for teams and their future in the playoff push - this is a big one. ARBL made a move to bring in Hopkins and now he is going to rely on Montgomery and Fournette in the running back department. It is a move that could solidify this team for the playoffs, but this is the week it needs to pay-off. On the flip side, BBB has been up and down and faces a few tough matchups this week. Jackson takes on a top defense (Indy) and like wise for Hines (Baltimore). It is going to take big games from Allen and Jones in order to keep up with ARBL - something I just don't see happening.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins.... and takes the belt!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins

Asymmetric TD's** (6-2) v The J-Bones** (4-4)

In the battle for the middle school - does anyone see this going any other way? The J-Bones looked like a dominate team, but with the loss of Dak and AJones has not been playing recently - the struggle has been real. With 4 belts between the two of them, this looks like a battle between two heavyweights champs - but there is only one team that still looks like a heavyweight champ. Mahomes and Kamara have been the best players in fantasy football not named Russell Wilson - look for them to continue their domination and lock up the victory.

Prediction: Asymmetric TD's wins

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones win

Ankle Holster* (3-5) v Dixie Normous (3-5)

Let me put it this way... Elliott is on a terrible team. Scott is on a bye. Bernard is on a bye. Wilkins is the only other available running back. Soooooo, Dixie is going to trot out Elliott (Dallas is garbage) and Wilkins??? Efff that, you might as well supply the lube while you are at it.

Prediction: Ankle Holster wins

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins and takes the belt!

PEN15 Wrinkle (3-5) v iTouchdown There* (4-4)

There is really not much that can be said when one team is placing in the top 3 every week and the other team is placing in the bottom 3 every week. This has the makings of being the biggest margin of victory for the week. I feel bad for the guy, when his NFL team is awful (injuries) and now his fantasy team is awful - somebody put him on "Grau during basketball season" watch.

Prediction: iTouchdown There wins

Mystery Guest: iTouchdown There wins

2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (4-4) v Solo Driving Asians (3-5)

2G1C has a very consistent lineup from the top down. The only issue is whether or not he plays against someone who has a player who happens to go off. Adams has had two huge weeks in a row and now plays on Thursday Night Football - maybe not the best recipe for a big week. Outside of Adams - it looks like tough lineups or shitty players across the board for SDA - gonna need to be put on life support after this week!

Prediction: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins

Mystery Guest: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins

I wish you all good luck, except for you 3rd and 41, may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash, eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!