Week 8 Predictions

We have made it halfway through the fantasy football season. There have been ups and there have been downs - but that is what makes fantasy football so much better than any other fantasy sport. Take ARBL for example... they have won the belt 3 times, but still find themselves only sitting 4th in points scored. PEN15 is a game above .500.... yet they managed to score the lowest point total in a given week in the history of the league. Literally anything could happen in fantasy football - let's look at the midway awards....

MVP: Derrick Henry (The Fortune Cockies)

Derrick Henry is won the award in the first quarter of the season and he wins it again halfway through the season. The ironic part - Henry is not the leading scorer in all of fantasy, and to be far the case could be made for the leading scorer to be the MVP. Cooper Kupp is the leader in fantasy points halfway through the season, however the difference between Kupp and WR2 is less than the difference between Henry and RB2. Kupp outscores WR2 by 40 points and Henry outscores RB2 by 50 points - that is the only reason that Henry gets the MVP nod over Kupp.

Steal of the Draft: Ja'Marr Chase (The J-Bones)

At the quarter, this award went to Deebo Samuel - who was drafted 107th overall. He now sits as the WR5 and Chase sits as WR3 and was drafted 85th overall. This award could also go to Marquise Brown was drafted 135th overall and is now the WR6. The crazy part about "Steal of the Draft" - most finalists for the award consist of wide receivers. This is due to the nature of the position - often drafted during for the later round hoping to hit a player that can hit it big. 

Waiver Wire Pick-up: Cordarrelle Patterson (Hernandez Hit Men)

Patterson might be a wire-to-wire winner when it comes to this award. He is currently sitting at RB8 which would equate to a late 1st round draft pick... instead he was picked up and has yet to slow down. He is the main beneficiary of a bad team that is consistently looking to throw the ball and he is a main receiving back. As it stands, I don't see the Falcons blowing anyone out - which means the game script will lean towards Patterson throughout the rest of the season.

Trade of the Year: Robert Tonyan (The J-Bones) for Jared Cook (Ankle Holster)

While this trade seems meaningless by production - this trade did more for the league that what it looks like surface value. This was the first trade of the season and was made during the middle of a game. No, the players were not actually traded mid-game the agreements were finalized mid-game. Not only that, it also sparked the Ankle Holster rapture of all Packers players and an attempt to acquire every cheesehead out there. This trade provided far more for the league than any "lopsided" trade that sparked disagreement or argument. 

Matchup of the Week

Dixie Normous (2-5) v Teardrop TD's (2-5)

Many people may look at this matchup and wonder why it is in the MotW - it is essentially a must-win for either team. While they may not be mathematically eliminated by losing this week, they would need to be nearly flawless the rest of the way with a loss this week. Trust me when I say this, 3-5 looks a helluva lot better than 2-6. This is a terrible week to have to trust Lawrence of Jackson at QB for Teardrops. On the flip side, Dixie is coming off of a big win and looking more and more like a team that wants to compete in the league - will Teardrop spoil their back half run?

Prediction: Dixie Normous

Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous

The Fortune Cockies (5-2) v PEN15 Wrinkle (4-3)

Listen, we all know what this is... I am picking The Fortune Cockies. Not only has PEN15 shown a display of utter disrespect towards the blog with team names and slander in the past - but they also happen to score the all-time lowest ever. PEN15 is like Billy Madison... sure it might entertaining, you might have a good laugh or two along the way - but in truth the movie terribly overrated. In fact, I think the trivia moderator at the end is actually referring Billy Madison and PEN15's roster at the same time...

Prediction: The Fortune Cockies

Mystery Guest: The Fortune Cockies

The J-Bones (3-4) v Gruden's Emails* (5-2)

This is an interesting matchup because one team has Stafford (J-Bones) and team has Kupp (Gruden's). Both teams also have in Houston Texan running backs and both teams have primary weapons from the Cincinnati Bengals. These two teams are more intertwined than a group of swingers playing Twister. This battle could back and forth throughout all of Sunday - luckily there is no waiting until after MNF.... this thing will be decided on Sunday. Gruden's provides too many opportunities for big time players to make big time plays as well as having plenty of decent role players to keep up with consistency. Slightest of edges to sternly worded homophobe....

Prediction: Gruden's Emails

Mystery Guest: Gruden's Emails

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas*** (4-3) v Bluffton Backup Backups (3-4)

Which team will show up for ARBL? Nobody knows. This team either scores tons of points or struggles to score at all. This team seems to live and die by the Kansas City duo - luckily for ARBL, Mahomes and boys face off against the NY Giants. This should be a good (and much needed) win for Kansas City and this would seem to lean towards a good week for ARBL.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups

DK Country* (3-4) v Hoosier Daddy? (4-3)

Both of these teams have no position ranked outside the top 35 respectively (besides Jeudy who is coming off of IR) in their starting lineup - yet somehow these teams are a combined .500. They rank 3rd and 4th in points scored against and both have been outscored throughout the entire season. What a series of unfortunate events for these two teams (but terrific for the rest of league). The level of consistency throughout the lineups should equate to two teams fighting for the top spot in the league and not two teams avoiding the .500 line. Give me Hoosier for no other reason than Allen/Diggs get to play Miami this week.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy?

Mystery Guest: DK Country

Country Roads* (5-2) v Ankle Holster (1-6)

At least Country Roads will have pretty good idea of the score they need to beat after TNF. On top of that, it is never a good thing when the best on the team you decided to get everybody from is now out for the week. Let's keep this short and sweet like Ankle Holster's win streak...

Prediction: Country Roads

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Church Vans (3-4) v Hernandez Hit Men* (5-2)

It just goes to show that you don't need to be on a winning team to be good in fantasy football. Take HHM for example, Ridley/Patterson/Pitts are all having decent years and the Atlanta Falcons are not that good. Yet somehow HHM has built a roster around these players and has found a way to the top of the league. On the flip side, the pass catchers for Church Vans is a slew of stud players (Waddle/Pittman/Kelce), but the loss of a solid flex leaves this team wanting more....

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you PEN15 Wrinkle, may your entire team burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

With Love,

Commish

Week 7 Results

It seems as though we have had ourselves a few disagreements - which is healthy. Personally, I love the arguments that take place... it would not be a fantasy football season if people didn't disagree about something. For example...

There has been words exchanged about a few trades that have taken place. Someone (me) had thrown out a loose accusation of collusion - but there was no real intent. It didn't help that I could not push the trade through right away (I really was driving and unable to push it through on the road). Obviously, the trade was always going to go through and I never intended an actual accusation of collusion. I was really on insinuating that one of the teams in the trade is known for not trading.... in fact both of the teams in the trade are known for not trading. 

In response there a litany of stern words that insinuated that my earlier trade was even more lopsided than the trade in question. I won't go into whether or not the trades were lopsided - but I will state that all teams in question were honestly trying to make a trade that they thought bettered their team. In the history (definitely not herstory) of the league, there has never been an actual act of collusion - instead, there may have many acts of stupidity and abuse. If you are not trying to "rip" someone off in this league and trying to get the best deal for your team - then what are you doing? The irony? The player that was traded away in the first trade, ended up being the player that put the nail in the coffin to beat that team. Let's look at it a little closer....

Matchup of the Week

Bluffton Backup Backups (3-4) v Hoosier Daddy? (4-3)

Hoosier Daddy? was a team that made one of the "lopsided" trades - however, the player he traded for? Antonio Gibson - who only scored 7.6 points this week. Obviously, this is not the lopsidedness that was anticipated in this trade. What really helped - playing against the NYJ Defense who scored -11 points this week. The difference between the two defenses? 24 points. That is a lot to overcome, enough to make up for the gigantic weeks from Godwin and Swift. Big win in a matchup that both teams really needed to win to get over the .500 mark.

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups... WRONG!!

Fortune Cockies (5-2) v Church Vans (3-4)

What an unfortunate turn of events that took place in Sunday Night Football. With this matchups extremely close, TFC had the Indianapolis defense and Church Vans had Pittman (whom was acquired through a "lopsided" trade). Indianapolis defense picked up Jimmy G. and ran it back for a touchdown, only to have the touchdown called back and the very next play Wentz hit Pittman for a long touchdown reception. BALL. GAME. Looks like that trade was not so lopsided afterall...

Prediction: The Fortune Cockies.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Church Vans..... RIGHT!!

Hernandez Hit Men* (5-2) v Country Roads* (5-2)

And here we have our belt winner. This was a big win in a big matchup - these two teams are two of the top teams and Country send a message. Kamara had a huge night and couple that with McLaurin/Uzomah/Hurts are scoring around 25 - this is going to be a tough team to beat coming down the stretch. On the flip side, HHM was missing Herbert and decided to play Fields over Wentz - no beuno. HHM has a some big time players on their roster - and this matchup may have looked far different if they were at full strength, but alas they were not and Country Roads took the win and the belt!

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men... WRONG!!

Teardrop TD's (2-5) v Ankle Holster (1-6)

Holy shit! Is this real life? Did Ankle Holster actually get a win? That means the Packers must have had a good week. Ankle Holster not only won, they were the 2nd highest scoring team in the week. It did help that AJ Brown (their only non-Packers player) was the highest scoring player in the entire matchup. The slew of Packer players did have a consistent scoring week and provided enough to take down a floundering Teardrop TD's. Teardrop does not have enough depth to counteract if they are missing key players to injuries or bye weeks. Is this the start of the biggest comeback ever in fantasy football?

Prediction: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!

Dixie Normous (2-5) v DK Country* (3-4)

Remember when I said that DK Country was one of the best teams in the league.... whooops! For whatever reason, they can't seem to put a streak together. Dixie Normous is looking to make a run themselves - we all know what happens if this man gets in the playoffs..... anything is possible! Taylor has provided a solid RB1 and having two other running backs that are playing because of injuries definitely helps the cause - but hey, when you got those players, you still have to make to decision to put them in your starting lineup. Good on you Dixie, good on you!

Prediction: DK Country... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: DK Country... WRONG!!

Gruden's Emails* (5-2) v PEN15 Wrinkle (4-3)

Looks like another team has joined the fun in the slew of teams sitting at 5-2. Not to mention a great new team name - that could be what is driving the players for Gruden's Emails. It would take a real fag to not want to play for this guy. Once again, Kupp is enjoying his new quarterback and Stafford's ability to actually throw to ball (as oppose to Goff). On top of that, the trade of Ertz to the Cardinals makes him a top 10 TE every week - which also makes this team extremely dangerous. I am just saying this.... if Watson is traded and actually plays to his potential - this is the team to beat come playoff time.

Also, I wrote this poem for the GM of Gruden's Emails...

There was a man who played fantasy football

His team was good and winning easy it came

He was hoping that players scored and answered the call

He thought that fantasy was real life and controlled the game

His team good and deciding who to start was tough for him

But he thought he had to rely on others playing to cause him strife

His bench was good, but if certain players sat the light would grow dim

Thinking that if fantasy took the player out, they would not play in real life

Prediction: Gruden's Emails... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Gruden's Emails... RIGHT!!

The J-Bones (3-4) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas*** (4-3)

Normally the term "boom-or-bust" is in reference to a specific player and their fantasy ability. However, the term most definitely applies to ARBL - either huge points or no points. Luckily for The J-Bones they caught ARBL on a bust week. Chase is looking like the Jefferson of last season - unstoppable young wide receiver that is going to see plenty of targets. The big question for The J-Bones is whether or not CMC can come back and then this team becomes that much tougher to beat. ARBL will be fine, Mahomes and Hill have the ability to beat any team on their own - it is just the consistency that is going to be the biggest question.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

With Love

Commish

Season: 30-19

Mystery Guest: 21-28

Week 7 Predictions

If you read the previous post, then you know that I am on vacation. I am in Texas.... it is late at night, because I am attempting to get it done while the family is sleeping. To be honest, my family would not care that much if I did this during the day - it is a weird complex I have. I feel bad about doing stuff for just mean when I could be doing things with the family. I know, super strange and possibly too vulnerable - but whatever, half of you guys are on vacation and probably won't read this either. When I am with the family or when I have the chance to do fun family activities - I don't want to do my own thing... I feel bad doing my own thing. Does my wife make me feel bad? Hell no. She encourages me to do things for myself. It is a weird complex I have with myself - either way, here we are and I am going to jump to the picks - there won't be much - does there have to be? Just know that I am KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF THE MYSTERY GUEST WHEN IT COMES TO PICKS!!

***Also, week 7 sucks for so many teams when it comes to bye weeks (Bills, Cowboys, Jaguars, Chargers, Vikings, Steelers) who really knows what this is going to look like***

Matchup of the Week

Bluffton Backup Backups (3-3) v Hoosier Daddy? (3-3)

Honestly, I didn't really want to pick this as the MotW - but I said that PEN15 and HHM will never be in the MotW because of the besmirchment they provided. Thus, a couple of tech guys just battling it out for a much needed win to get above .500. Ohhhhhh and it will be funny if Hoosier Daddy happens to finish in the bottom five because they have 6 starting players on bye.

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups

The Fortune Cockies (5-1) v Church Vans (2-4)

Do we really expect anything less than me picking TFC to win this? I mean, is there even really another option? It will be interesting to see the face off between the two teams after a trade two weeks ago and see which players score more. 

Prediction: The Fortune Cockies

Mystery Guest: Church Vans

Hernandez Hit Men (5-1) v Country Roads (4-2)

To be completely truthful - this would have made for a great MotW - a truly great battle. Unfortunately, due to the circumstances of the previous week - HHM will never see the spotlight (unless the playoffs force my hand). Both these teams enter in near full strength fashion and the slightest of edges will go to HHM continuing to stay at the top.

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men

Teardrop TD's (2-4) v Ankle Holster (0-6)

If we are talking a true chance for Ankle Holster to not go "0fer" throughout the season - this is the week. Teardrop is fighting against injuries and bye weeks and his team will be decimated when it comes to points missing. 

Prediction: Ankle Holster

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Dixie Normous (1-5) v DK Country (3-3)

Ehhhh..... without looking too much into this - give me DK Country. To be completely honest (and I don't know what I would lie), it is much more fun to not pick Dixie than it is to pick anyone else. I take more pleasure in not picking teams than I do in picking teams.

Prediction: DK Country

Mystery Guest: DK Country

Gruden's Emails (4-2) v PEN15 Wrinkle (4-2)

PEN15 just scored the worst score in the history of this league - do you really think I am going to pick them to win the following week?

Prediction: Gruden's Emails

Mystery Guest: Gruden's Emails

The J-Bones (2-4) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas*** (4-2)

ARBL is streaking - one of the top teams in the league as it stands right now. The scary part? Mahomes has not really played his best football and ARBL has 3 potential starters on the IR.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

As always, I wish everyone good luck - Except for you Church Vans, may his entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

With Love

Commish

Week 6 Results

If I am being completely honest - my mind is definitely not on writing this blog. I wanted to try and give it a fair effort... I tried to turn on the Monday Night Football game, I tried to place a bet. But alas, I am in Texas on vacation and I playing my dad in golf tomorrow.... and my bean sac is still a little sore (but improving quickly - I know you were concerned). I couldn't place the bet because I called it in too late and I can't place bets in Texas because it sucks when it comes to realizing the online sport gambling is awesome.

Soooooo, as it is, I did not get to place my bet - which would have hit in the first half (Diggs to score anytime). Ohhhh well, at least Henry is having a big week and my team is coasting to another victory....

Matchup of the Week

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-2) v Hernandez Hit Men* (5-1)

I mean HOLY F*CKIN' SHIT - this deserve so much hate for what just took place in a MotW. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I have had to put a team in the record book for lowest scoring in a week... EVER. We are talking about in all of the history of this league's existence - this is the worst a team has ever done in a week. We are talking about single players scoring more in one week than this team scored. I also can't remember a time when a team won with the 2nd lowest scoring output - we are going back to Dr. Cooler days. You are both a disgrace to the MotW... neither one of you will ever grace the presence of this spotlight for the remainder of the season. You need to go home and apologize to your loved ones for what you have done.

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men... RIGHT!!

The Fortune Cockies (5-1) v Ankle Holster (0-6)

Not a real shocker here.... the only disappointing thing about this matchup was Ankle Holster not even playing a full Green Bay Packers starting lineup. I mean if you are going to commit to a strategy (or something that is just cool) - you may as well go full blown. Even more interesting, Ankle Holster would have beaten two teams this week... and one of those teams is going to be credited with a win.

Prediction: The Fortune Cockies... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster.... WRONG!! 

DK Country* (3-3) v Country Roads (4-2)

In a battle for the word "Country," it went about as unexpected for Country Roads as it could go. To think that 2 of their top 4 point scorers came from their running backs and they still lost is absurd. McLaurin/Knox/Smith all dropped the ball (see what I did there) and didn't pull their weight when it came to scoring points. On the flip side, consistent scoring from everyone except Moss provided a decent scoring output and secured da win for DK Country.

Prediction: DK Country... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: DK Country... RIGHT!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas*** (4-2) v Church Vans (2-4)

ARBL locked up the win and then tried to make a run at the belt on MNF. With Sanders/Beasley/Bass all playing there was a definite chance - given how well Allen has been playing and how much he has loved sharing the ball. The three players pulled through.... but just barely - and ARBL has now won the belt in 3 out the 4 times they win. On the flip side, it more of the same for Church Vans - stud pass catchers and no running backs. Waddle/Kelce/Andrews (just acquired in a trade) made big impacts - but Edmonds and Williams just couldn't throw in a big game. It also doesn't help when your DEF and K get outscored by 20+ points.

Prediction: Church Vans... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Church Vans... WRONG!!

Hoosier Daddy? (3-3) v Teardrop TD's (2-4)

As lopsided as this matchup appears to be - it was even more so considering Allen and Diggs played in MNF. Hoosier Daddy just didn't have his best stuff this week with all of LAC's offense struggling to find open space.  On the flip side, Lamb had a huuuuge week and finally put together a week that many people expect a little more often. Some big time weeks from some unexpected players also helped along the way (D. Williams, N. Fant, Rams DEF). This matchup was closed up before MNF, but Allen and Diggs tried to make it look closer than it really was.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy?... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy?... WRONG!!

The J-Bones (2-4) v Dixie Normous (1-5)

In a battle of the 1-4's one team looked much better than their record, while the other team showcased that they belong in the back of the pack. There is a definite depth issue for Dixie Normous - Taylor is good, but after him there is a large gap of talent. Some may suggest one of two options: A) Trade away Taylor for multiple players that fill in a deep starting lineup, B) Stay the course and just accept reality. On the flip side, very consistent output from a team that still gets to add Run CMC when he finally returns. This is a dangerous squad if they make the playoffs and can return to full strength. 

Prediction: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Bluffton Backup Backups (3-3) v Gruden's Emails* (F.S.) (4-2) 

I was just double checking - but yes, that is 154 points from a team that also had 3.7 points scored and 2 points scored. Yet again, the white receivers were at it again - Thielen and Kupp combined for 63.8 points - over half of what BBB scored. On the flip side, BBB had a consistent day - but it is going to take more than that to beat a team that scores 154 points. We have a team losing while scoring 120 points and a team winning while scoring 75 point. Some call it bad luck, some call it unfortunate - everyone calls it fantasy football. 

Prediction: Fresh Start... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups... WRONG!!

Season: 28-14

Mystery Guest: 17-25

Week 6 Predictions

Remember when we didn't have a single trade in the first quarter of the season? Well, that time has come and passed. It looks like Ankle Holster has been busy and why not - if you are the only team that has yet to record a win, you may as well try to switch up the mojo. The big question is determining who is winning the trades....

A) Ankle Holster trades Jared Cook for Robert Tonyan (The J-Bones)

Winner: No one. In all reality this is pretty much a swap of lower level tight ends. Some might say that Cook serves better as consistency and Tonyan has the high the potential for touchdowns - last year having 11 touchdown receptions. There is no clearcut winner here - if there was a gun held to my head I would give the edge to Cook.

B) Ankle Holster trades J. Jacobs/K. Drake/C. Claypool for A. Jones/C. Samuel (Fresh Start)

Winner: Ankle Holster - but it isn't by much. Aaron Jones represents the best player in the trade... but he does have his off nights. There is a trend taking place in all these trades (with Ankle Holster) and yet somehow this trade still makes the sense. Claypool provides a big play WR for Fresh Start - especially with JuJu being sidelined. The issue is going to be trusting Jacobs/Drake especially with the Gruden debacle and the state of the Raiders offense. The edge goes to Aaron Jones - and if Curtis Samuel can stay healthy, this might be a home run for Holster.

C) Ankle Holster trades Tony Pollard for AJ Dillon (DK Country)

Winner: DK Country. Not that is matter that much, but Pollard is a much better backup running back. The Dallas Cowboys have actively used Tony Pollard - and in a pinch he is much better than anything you could pickup off the waiver wire. Once again, there is a reason why Holster is making this trade and is Pollard really going to make a difference for him? Probably not. However, in this trade alone - DK Country gets the better end of the deal.

D) The Fortune Cockies trade Mark Andrews and Michael Pittman for Deandre Hopkins (Church Vans)

Winner: Both. Typically, I would state a winner - with a gun to my head I would say The Fortune Cockies won the trade by acquiring the best player. However, Church Vans acquires depth - they receive two players that will go straight into the starting lineup. The more curious part is that fact that Church Vans already has Travis Kelce... which means that they really value the depth with Pittman and Andrews. To be fair, Andrews will continue to see a large target volume and Pittman is the number one receiver in Indianapolis. Hopkins represents the best player in the trade and an arguably top 3 receiver by season's end - let's hope The Fortune Cockies can make it to the post season and see Hopkins live up to his potential.

Matchup of the Week

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-1) v Hernandez Hit Men* (4-1)

I mean what else is there to say, other than the fact that this is like two heavy weight fighters stepping into the ring - both are beaten and battered. Yes, this is a battle of two 4-1 teams - but to say that they are at full strength is definitely a stretch. Barkley's ankle looked like someone pumped up a beach ball inside the skin and Wilson is done for about 5-6 weeks. That is simply too much to replace - even if HHM has to find a way to make up points for Elliott/Carson/FLEX. The fact that Herbert is going into Baltimore and facing a team that just gave up 400+ yards to Carson Wentz should make HHM feel a little more at ease.

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men

The Fortune Cockies (4-1) v Ankle Holster (0-5)

Ankle Holster has been extremely active on the trading block - will it matter? Of course not. The Packers play the Chicago Bears and the bigger question is: Will Ankle Holster be able to acquire enough players to have an entire starting lineup of Packers players? It would be poetic justice for Ankle Holster to get their first win, especially against The Fortune Cockies. I just don't see it happening - The Fortune Cockies are too strong of a team, with too many big week possibilities.

Prediction: The Fortune Cockies

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

DK Country* (2-3) v Country Roads (4-1)

What we have here is a battle for the word "Country." Who uses the word better in their name? On one side you have DK Country - in reference to DK Metcalf and also the video game Donkey Kong. On the other side you have Country Roads, Take Mahomes - in reference to Patty Mahomes and the late John Denver. To be fair, Country Roads references a player that is not even on their team - and even though I much preferred Diddy Kong Racing to the DK Country game - there is at least a reference to a player on their team. For that reason, I am picking DK Country to win (or the fact that nearly every RB is on bye for Country Roads).

Prediction: DK Country

Mystery Guest: DK Country

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas** (3-2) v Church Vans (2-3)

ARBL was a MNF game away from sitting 4-1 and near the top of the league. The lineup is strong and deep - think about this: ARBL has 3 players on the IR, One player is out (soon to be on IR) and still able to throw a lineup of starters out there. Church Vans needs to address his issue at running back otherwise they will be relying heavily on Brady and the pass catchers. HopkinsPittman/Waddle/Kelce/Andrews are going to need to have huuuuge weeks if the RB department is not addressed. Church Vans made a big splash in the trade department - trading away Hopkins but in return receiving two starting players to strengthen their pass catchers. This looks like an attempt to try and win while using a "zero running back" strategy - go all-in on acquiring multiple top notch pass catchers and address the running backs later. Simply because of the now deep lineup and potential for anyone of the wide receivers/tight ends to have big weeks - I gotta go with the new mojo flowing in that Church Van.

Prediction: Church Vans

Mystery Guest: Church Vans

Hoosier Daddy? (3-2) v Teardrop TD's (1-4)

Talk about an unlucky combination of bye week and injuries. Teardrop is facing a tall task when it comes to throwing out a starting lineup, let alone one that can compete. It looks like Teardrop is going to be employing the "Two Tight End" strategy - although to be fair, these are not necessarily the two tight ends you want when it comes to this strategy. At this point, barring any last minute trade, it will be incredibly tough for Teardrop TD's to pull enough together to pull off the upset. It isn't must win yet - but we are getting dangerously close. It doesn't even matter the matchups for Hoosier Daddy.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy?

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy?

The J-Bones (1-4) v Dixie Normous (1-4)

This is a close battle between two teams that fighting to get out of the bottom of the league. The slightest of edges goes to The J-Bones and the consistency throughout the lineup. There may not be a player that has a huge week - unless Chase decides to catch another 70 yard touchdown. On the flip side, Dixie is coming off a big win and looking to stay hot throughout. The issue will be with replacing Corey Davis (bye week) and Perine (injury). There are options on Dixie's bench - which will be thrown in and make this a close matchup. I still give the edge to The J-Bones and their slew of big play potential wide receivers. 

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Bluffton Backup Backups (3-2) v Fresh Start* (3-2)

Fresh Start has a big hole that needs filled - a quarterback. As it stands Fresh Start will need to throw Mac Jones in, who is a good field general - but not a great fantasy quarterback. On the flip side, Bluffton Backup Backups has a slew of "questionable" marks on his starting lineup. They will need to be monitored throughout the week and checked as the week progresses.... we know how good BBB is at that. As it stands the edge goes to BBB - depending on how the QB issue is handled and if BBB can keep up with his starting lineup will decide whether or not the advantage is changed. Obviously, that previous statement was written prior to the waiver wire pickups and trades that ensued on Tuesday. Fresh Start has managed to bring the prodigal son home and Bridgewater will be starting at QB. Not to mention the fact that he brought in Jacobs and Claypool to steady up their lineup. I like the moves and I think the edge goes to Fresh Start.

Prediction: Fresh Start

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you Ankle Holster, may his entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

Week 5 Results

Let's be real, there are some things that took place this week that people wanted to see happen and that people were surprised with what happened. That is what makes fantasy football so much fun - people come together and root against a villain. The flip side, people come together and are shocked at the outcome. Not different from the NFL....

NFL                                                                                        Fantasy Football

Everybody loved seeing the Bills beat the Chiefs                    Everybody loved seeing TFC lose

Nobody expected the Bears to beat the Raiders                       Dixie gets their first win over Church Vans

Crosby misses that many kicks - and wins                               Teardrops finds a way to capture a win

***OHHH WAIT.... THE FORTUNE COCKIES CAME BACK AND WON ON MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!! GUESS WHAT - YOU CAN'T GET RID OF ME YET!! YOUR VILLAIN IS STILL HERE!***

(Obviously the top paragraph was written after the MNF football game and in order to save time I had previously written everything prior. The Fortune Cockies were losing by more than 30 points and somehow came back and won.)

The parallel is uncanny - it is almost like the NFL is very concerned with what is happening in the Bluffton Bombshells fantasy football league. Well, Roger if you are reading this - please don't fire me like you did with Jon Gruden. I can certainly assure you, you don't have to dig that deep through this blog to find slurs. I am also not going to lie - in my head I was just going to go on a rant and list off as many urban dictionary words as possible. Then better judgement kicked in - would you look at that? Better Judgement? Just look at it...

Matchup of the Week

The Fortune Cockies (4-1) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas** (3-2)

It was looking bleak for TFC - until the MNF game hit just a bit different. Sure, Indianapolis ended up losing points (bogus call to take back the defensive touchdown - definitely was not a forward pass) - but Andrews and Pittman did more than enough, scoring over 60 points combined. The ironic part? Both players were almost shipped out this week in possible trades. This was the week to get ARBL as Mahomes and Hill looked fine - but only fine. It took a huuuuge MNF to end the week - but TFC was able to pull this out and remain the number one villain for everyone else in the league. Who isn't rooting for this guy to lose?

Prediction: The Fortune Cockies... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: The Fortune Cockies... RIGHT!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-1) v DK Country* (2-3)

Big win for PEN15... against arguably the toughest 2-2 team. It didn't help that Murray had a low week, Moore had a bad week, and whoever the f*ck Juwan Johnson is - did absolutely nothing. Tough matchups across the board for DK. On the flip side, Wrinkle had just enough this week - even with Wilson getting injured and Barkley getting injured. The Tandem of Mikes had a big week and helped carried the load - Williams has been a tremendous surprise that keeps on giving. Either way, there is going to be questions for both these teams moving forward; whether it be about injuries or why they just can't win.... questions will need answered.

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: DK Country.... WRONG!!

Ankle Holster (0-5) v Hoosier Daddy? (3-2)

Who is shocked? You? Probably not. Me? Definitely not. Do you think Ankle Holster is shocked? Nope. I think the only person that is shocked about this would Hoosier Daddy - and he won. He is shocked because he has grown accustomed to losing to teams after they have their best week. Ankle had a decent week - but it was all for naught young soldier. Allen and Ekeler has continued to have monstrous weeks and carry the load for Hoosier. This is looking like a tough team that will build on this win. On the flip side - will Ankle Holster continue to make moves to improve their roster or will they make moves in an attempt to have complete starting lineup made up of Packers? The world has never seen it.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster.... WRONG!! 

Country Roads (4-1) v The J-Bones (1-4)

Country Roads has officially put the league on notice - they may be the best team in the league. Hurts has quietly put together a top 3 fantasy QB season so far. Kamara is always going to be the focal point of the offense in New Orleans. Jefferson is returning to the form that we expected him to play with this season. Not to mention, Knox has been a huuuuge pickup for Country Roads. On the flip side, Chase and Brown were tremendous this week and gave The J-Bones a fighting chance. That was all that was able to be mustered up - a fighting chance, Tonyan was not able to give anything to the effort. Maybe he found out he was getting traded... mid game.

Prediction: Country Roads.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Country Roads... RIGHT!!

Hernandez Hit Men (4-1) v Bluffton Backup Backups (3-2)

Sometimes, there is just nothing you can do. Sometimes you just throw your hands up, look at the sky and ask, "Why? What did I do to deserve such a distasteful beatdown?" HHM had everything going this week, and it has been a while since I have been able to type this sentence..... HHM has cracked the top 5 all-time weekly scores. With a huge night from Hollywood Brown to cap off the week - HHM has beaten "3rd and 41" by .13 points. On the flip side, BBB has a few question marks that need answered. Singletary is very clearly not the guy anymore in Buffalo and I am not sure if Cooks can be trusted with Mills being Houston's quarterback.

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men... RIGHT!!

Church Vans (2-3) v Dixie Normous (1-4)

Look who finally joined the party in the win column - and did it in a big way. Dixie scores their highest total this season and score the third highest point total. What a play to throw in Samaje Perine! Never saw this coming, the trio of RBs scored a combined 71.4 points - not too shabby. On the flip side, not a lot went right for Vans, especially the running backs. Their respective trio of RBs scored a combined 19.2 points - ouch. Brady is looking around and asking the lineup for help - but outside of Hopkins and Kelce it is going to be hard to get consistent showings.

Prediction: Church Vans.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Church Vans.... WRONG!!

Teardrop TD's (1-4) v Fresh Start (3-2)

Welcome Teardrops to the party... after going through multiple trade talks about shipping out players and then finally deciding to hold off - they are rewarded with a much needed win. The question moving forward: What will happen with the RB2 spot? Will he look at a possible trade to find someone to fill the hole? Will he continue to rely solely on Lamb and Jackson? Will he attempt to sell high on one of the two studs to try and fill the roster with consistency? On the flip side, Frash Stert has many questions to answer. This is now the 2nd straight week they have failed to break 100 points. The issue is that there was no pizzazz from any player this week. Kupp was good, but not great - great has been needed this season. Jones and Mixon struggled in a game that ended up being two quarterbacks trying to out duel each other. The obvious issue is the TE and QB spot - will they look to improve in this area or will they try and ride it out?

Prediction: Teardrop TD's... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Fresh Start... WRONG!!

With Love

Commish

Season: 23-12

Mystery Guest: 14-21

Week 5 Predictions

We are officially a quarter of the way through the season - you know what that means.... time for the first quarter awards. Let's take a look at how things are shaking out.....

MVP: Derrick Henry (The Fortune Cockies)

Henry is not the top point scorer in fantasy - but he is clearly the top running back. The top point scorer is Patrick Mahomes, closely followed by Kyler Murray. The separation between the quarterbacks is 1 point per week. The separation between Henry and the number 2 running back? 4.3 points. This is the biggest gap in player positions - making Henry the clearcut MVP and Top RB.

Top QB: Patrick Mahomes (Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas)

One could easily argue that Murray could be slotted into this position - however, Mahomes still outscores Murray and the scary part? Mahomes has not had his best stuff this season. Mahomes has thrown 4 interceptions so far this season - which is almost as many as he had during the entire 2020 season. To think that Mahomes hasn't had his best stuff and he is still outscoring every other quarterback is a scary thought for everyone else in the league.

Top RB: Derrick Henry (The Fortune Cockies)

Refer to MVP write-up

Top WR: Cooper Kupp (Fresh Start)

What is like to have Matthew Stafford throw you the ball instead of Ryan Gosling? Kupp has seen an increase in touches per game by almost 2 and is seeing 4 more targets per game. That doesn't sound like a lot - however, if you take the average of yards per target (9.4) and multiply that by the number of touches, you are averaging 3.6 points on yards and 2 points per receptions. This equates to a 5 point increase per week - which is A LOT in fantasy football.

Top TE: Travis Kelce (Church Vans)

Are we surprised? Kelce has been the top dawg at the position for the past few seasons. However, the position is getting tighter and tighter as many other players are becoming more pass catching than blocking. Kelce still has outscored every other tight end, but Gronk beats him in the average per game. However, stability needs to be taken into consideration and Kelce is much more reliable. Gotta go with the consistent and trustworthy TE.

Top DEF: Buffalo Bills (PEN15 Wrinkle)

One the biggest blessings to the Bills may have been the week 1 loss. It lit a fire under a team that was expected to compete in the AFC. Since week 1, Buffalo has outscored their opponents 118-21. This includes a run of 10 sacks, 7 interceptions, and 4 fumble recoveries. On top of that, Buffalo still gets to play Miami, Jacksonville, New York Jets, and New England (twice).

Steal of the Draft: Deebo Samuel (Hernandez Hit Men)

Think about this... Allen Robinson, Calvin Ridley, Julio Jones, Robert Woods, Courtland Sutton, Tee Higgins, Jerry Jeudy, Brandin Cooks, and many more - were all drafted ahead of Deebo Samuel. Samuel was drafted as WR46 and now sits as WR3.... most definitely a steal!! On top of that Samuel has yet to record a week with less than 10 points and has multiple weeks above 30 points.

Waiver Wire Pick-up: Cordarelle Patterson (Hernandez Hit Men)

There are many possible candidates for this award: Sam Darnold (TFC) or Taylore Heinicke (TFC) - however, the positional advantage is too great to not give the award to Cordarelle Patterson is big to ignore. In a 14-team league, if you can draft a RB that is averaging 21 points, you have a good shot at winning - let alone pick one up off the waiver wire.

Trade of the Season: NOBODY HAS MADE A TRADE YET!!!

Matchup of the Week

The Fortune Cockies (3-1) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas** (3-1)

We have a banger on our hands in the Matchup of the Week!!! This is the top 2 teams in the Gonorrhea division and also 2 of the top 3 scoring teams in the entire league. However, to be fair to ARBL - they are not going to be throwing out their optimal lineup. Montgomery is banged up and will be out for multiple weeks and Higbee is questionable throughout the week. On top of that, Mahomes and Hill matchup against the Buffalo Bills (not the comfiest of matchups). Too many issues this week for ARBL - smart money is on The Fortune Cockies.

Prediction: The Fortune Cockies

Mystery Guest: The Fortune Cockies

PEN15 Wrinkle (3-1) v DK Country* (2-2)

We have a tight, tight matchup - arguably the best 2-2 team (DK Country) against a tough PEN15 Wrinkle. Once again, if this comes down to matchups - DK Country has a some tough sledding. Murray faces off against San Fran - but let's be honest, nothing looks like it could slow him down. However, Harris faces off against a tough Denver defense and as Big Ben gets more of his weapons back - there may be more spreading around the ball and less focus on Harris. On the flip side, there are some comfy matchups for PEN15: Barkley vs. Dallas and Jones/Evans v Miami. Look for these matchups to help carry PEN15 to the victory.

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle

Mystery Guest: DK Country

Ankle Holster (0-4) v Hoosier Daddy? (2-2)

How does Hoosier Daddy get rewarded for facing the belt last week? They are given the sacrificial lamb - Ankle Holster. As long as Hoosier Daddy holds serve - this should be a cakewalk. Who knows though, maybe Ankle Holster will finally pick the right running back between Drake and Jacobs. I doubt it will really matter. At this point you are just hoping that one of the other two "0fers" don't grab a win this week and you have some time to figure a way out of this shit hole squad you have.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy?

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Country Roads (3-1) v The J-Bones (1-3)

This matchup would have been much cooler if Run CMC was healthy - unfortunately, he is still banged up and who knows when he will come back and to what amount the production will be. With that being said, there are not many positional face-off between the two teams that The J-Bones should feel confident about. Jefferson and McLaurin could have humongous weeks with their comfy matchups and they alone could put this one to bed.

Prediction: Country Roads

Mystery Guest: Country Roads

Hernandez Hit Men (3-1) v Bluffton Backup Backups (3-1)

This is the 2nd candidate for the MotW. HHM is the 2nd highest scoring team in the league and BBB was the last team to remain undefeated. However, BBB is coming off of a week where they failed to break 100 points and HHM scored 119 points - this has the potential to be another big blow to the BBB campaign. Ironically, this features Herbert going against Allen - both hoping to build on the Chargers big MNF win over the Raiders (and Derek Carr's emo looking ass). It will be interesting to see which of the two come out on top - I am sure they are both super concerned with the Bluffton Bombshell's fantasy league. Just for argument purposes... let's say they are concerned - the huge advantage is with Herbert since he controls where the ball go. I like that.......

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men

Church Vans (2-2) v Dixie Normous (0-4)

Is this the week for Dixie? Are they able to get their first win against a sliding Church Vans? I think so, I think it might be. Wait who does Bluffton play this week? Nah, never mind - let's keep this trend going. Church Vans is going to lock up a much needed win in order to get off this downward turn and send Dixie into obliteration. This is a much needed week for Dixie - but it does not look good. The Law of Averages has Hopkins having a big week and Brady gets a soft Miami defense that just gave up 18 to a banged up Wentz - what do you think the GOAT is going to do? 

Prediction: Church Vans

Mystery Guest: Church Vans

Teardrop TD's (0-4) v Fresh Start* (3-1)

There is rumblings in the camps of both these teams. One team is sitting at 3-1, but is coming off a dangerous under 80 points scored win. The other teams has the star power, but no depth to help out. There have been movement on the Teardrop roster and long tooth Crowder is cracking the starting lineup along with fellow Jets teammate Michael Carter. Can a team win if they are starting two Jets players? When is the last time a fantasy roster has ever started two Jets players? Like really? I can not even think of time when there have been enough talent for that to take place. However, I like the shakeup - I like the move - I like the switching up the mojo....

Prediction: Teardrop TD's

Mystery Guest: Fresh Start

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas, may his entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!