Week 3 Predicktions

With every good thing, there is always one flaw or one issue. Think about it... our high school football team is 3-0... but, I guarantee you there are some issues. Maybe we can't stop the pass? Maybe our offensive line is spotty... but we are good enough to cover it up and "get away" with it. 

This concept is true with everything, especially fantasy football. Take your team for example, what could you improve? Well, let's look at each team and see what they might be on the market for...

Cocaine Cowboys 

          Need: Reliable WR2, Depth at RB

          Trade Pieces: Trey McBride/Joe Mixon.... McBride represents a top notch TE... which means he may not be willing to part with him, unless getting something big in return. Joe Mixon is a long term play and if he was going to be moved, someone is going to have to take a risk on holding him for post-season run (Cocaine's most likely plan is to hold on to him for his own run).

2 A.P.

          Need: RB, Reliable FLEX option

          Trade Pieces: Sam Laporta/Tyler Warren... Currently rocking a double TE fantasy lineup, there could be some options for flipping one into a stash RB or something that could be used at the FLEX position.

A.R.'s Finger

          Need: One of the more complete teams.... Reliable RB2??

          Trade Pieces: Any of the RB's... Jaylen Warren is the most interesting prospect. Warren is not the most efficient runner, but he is fantastic out of the backfield. In today's game, catching the ball is almost more important - and Rodgers loves to dump it off when it is there.

BEKH

          Need: QB, RB2

          Trade Pieces: WR's... There is a lot of WR's depth on this team - BTJ (yet, to really get things going)/Jakobi Meyers/Emeka Egbuka/Jerry Jeudy/Quentin Johnston - all 5 of these guys are projected to score more than 12 points... Hey BEKH, you can't play 5 receivers! 

1st Downs Syndrome

          Need: TE, trustworthy FLEX

          Trade Pieces: Tough team to find pieces to trade... truthfully, not a lot of depth. Possibly Drake Maye and then rock the waiver wire for Daniels bye week... but it might take a good offer to get Maye from this SPED team.

J-Bones

          Need: RB depth/FLEX option

          Trade Pieces: Nico Collins... There is depth at WR on this team - 5 WR's projected for over 10 points, and another at 9.5. You can't play them all and other than Nico Collins - who has struggled - none of them really hold big trade value.

ARBL

          Need: FLEX, RB2

          Trade Pieces: Rhamondre Stevenson... He just had a big day, now might be the time to flip him for something more reliable at FLEX. He could eventually lose his bell cow status with Treyveon Henderson also in NE backfield... might need to strike while the iron's hot. Also, maybe throw him in the lineup and consider dealing Pollard - who has yet to break the 10 point barrier.

Indiana Jones

          Need: FLEX.... how is this team 0-2?

          Trade Pieces: Josh Jacobs... not the answer this team wanted to hear - but in order to bring in firepower, you have to lose some firepower. There is not a lot of depth on this team and the bye weeks are going to hurt... in order to even make the playoffs, this team is going to need to switch some things up and try and gather some depth.

Cleveland Streamers

          Need: RB2, WR (wild to say, but the debacle in Minnesota is killing Jefferson)

          Trade Pieces: WR.... I know this is weird to say, when I also said it was need - buuuuuttttt, Jefferson still has the big name/big play status and things might change with the new QB. After that, Moore/Tetairo/Ladd all represent decent play or decent names - but one has to sit, could try to flip for a better RB2.

Ertz/Eifert

          Need: Firepower outside of ARSB

          Trade Pieces: Jordan Addison... Depth is an issue at this moment, but with Jordan Addison coming back - he represents an interesting trade prospect. There are 2 options, hold on to him and see if he can help the air attack issues in Minny or trade him away just before he comes back and allow the intrigue to bring bigger value.

Bootay Pirates

          Need: RB2, reliable depth

          Trade Pieces: Travis Kelce... Still a big name in the football realm and you have Zach Ertz as a backup (who has outperformed Kelce). Kelce could bring in a reliable RB2, this team looks like a playoff team and just needs to continue to look to add firepower for a future run.

Tush Push

          Need: RB2, Firepower

          Trade Pieces: Jalen Hurts... nobody likes trading their top QB... but if you want to add firepower or get a legit RB2 then you can trade away a piece that you have a decent backup (A Rodgers). The issue would be trading away the player that team's namesake is for.

Slender TD's

          Need: WR2, FLEX options

          Trade Pieces: Breece Hall... assuming that Derrick Henry is not getting traded - Breece Hall brings tremendous trade value at this point in the season. He could help bring in a legitimate WR and give this team some movable pieces for the lineups.

Nips and Salsa

          Need: QB, RB depth

          Trade Pieces: Jameson Willaims/Courtland Sutton/Cooper Kupp... both represent great value at WR2 and could even solidify some lineups for a future run... come and get them boys!

Now, the interesting thing with making a trade - obviously, you are making a trade thinking that you are getting the better end of the deal. However, they also have to think that they are getting a good deal - which may require you get rid of some of your better pieces. You will seldom find a trade partner that works perfectly with everything you want - be prepared to give a piece to get a piece.

Matchup of the Week

Cocaine Cowboys (2-0) v *A.R.'s Finger (1-1)

Key Matchup: Bijan Robinson v Javonte Williams... What a surprise J-Will has been for the Cowboys and for Mr. Finger. Truthfully, that is what it takes - one good surprise pick and all of the sudden your team is in the money. There are only 2 RB's ranked higher than Javonte and neither of them sound like a mustard. However, would anyone really trade Bijan for Javonte? I know I wouldn't... nonetheless... Williams has made this week3 matchup an interesting one!

Cocaine X-Factor: Devonta Smith... some might say the Eagles number 1 receiver? Smith has the potential for big plays and stretching the field, we just haven't seen it yet. This week does present a nice opening with a weaker LAR secondary and some possibility for some downfield shots. The script needs to be in favor of Philly throwing the ball and if so - look for shots down field.

Finger X-Factor: Russell Wilson... hear me out, Wilson does not play for this fantasy team - but Malik Nabers does. If Nabers is going to have a good week - then Nabers is going to have a good week. Wilson is known as a gunslinger these days and Nabers is a fantastic pass catcher. KC's defense has not been stellar - but they do have a decent pass rush... these two need to hook up a few times and it could create a good week for Nabers.

Prediction: Cocaine Cowboys

Mystery Guest: A.R.'s Finger... "Cocaine Cowboys? Drugs don't pay."

1st Downs Syndrome (2-0) v Nips and Salsa (2-0)

First off, this is the only 2-0 matchup and should probably be the Matchup of the Week - but I didn't want to put my own team in the MotW for 3 straight weeks...

Key Matchup: Rome Odunze v Jameson Williams... These two represent big weeks and little weeks. The plus for Rome... they have a much easier matchup in terms of defensive opponents. The plus for Jameson, he should see 1-1 coverage a lot and most likely will not matchup against Baltimore's top secondary. These two could score 30 points and they could score 10 points, whichever one decides to have a big week could be the deciding factor for the matchup.

Downs X-Factor: Ricky Pearsall... I have been giving this guy grief in the early season about Ricky, but truthfully things could not be looking better for Ricky. Except the fact that Mac Jones and not Brock Purdy will be throwing the ball. Pearsall does present himself as one of the top receivers for San Fran right now and Mac Jones is truly not that bad of a backup. Look for Pearsall to get 7/8 targets and turn that into more than 10 points.

Nips X-Factor: Kyren Williams... Philly is a good defensive teams, but they have given up a nearly 250 rushing yards in 2 games. This does present some opportunity for the Star Wars hero to have a good week. Kyren can be a focal point for the LAR offense (behind Puka), and should be the bell cow rusher. Nips needs a decent showing from Kyren to stay undefeated.

Prediction: Nips and Salsa

Mystery Guest: 1st Downs Syndrome... "Making a statement at 3-0 after this matchup"

BEKH (1-1) v Bootay Pirates (1-1)

Key Matchup: De'Von Achane v James Cook... Achane has been healthy thus far, but the Miami offense looks lost with Tua still looking like he is knocked out every game. Luckily, Achane has been the benefactor of Tua unable to throw the ball downfield. Cook is currently the number 1 RB and is the game goes the way it should - he should see plenty of touches. These two play each other and the Bills are heavily favor... look for a game script in favor of Cook late in the 2nd half.

BEKH X-Factor: Brian Thomas Jr... we are still waiting for the BTJ explosion. Last season, BTJ scored 20+ points in the last 4 games of the season. BTJ has yet to break 10 points this season and is currently questionable... but that doesn't mean this isn't the week that he shows up. Let's be honest, there aren't many players that can be reliable pass catchers for Jax - he is going to keep getting targets.

Bootay X-Factor: Jacory Croskey-Merritt... there is a reason why Washington traded Brian Robinson Jr. However, JCM did not show it last week. This rookie has the potential to be a big part of the Washington offense, he just hasn't shown it. If he has a good week (against the lowly Raiders rushing defense), this matchup is tilting in favor of Bootay.

Prediction: Bootay Pirates

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates... by a bunch!

Indiana Jones (0-2) v *Slender TD's (1-1)

Key Matchup: Daniel Jones v Patrick Mahomes... who would have thought that Indiana Jones is currently ranked higher than Mahomes - not me. Indiana Jones might just be the best Indy QB since Johnny Unitas. Plus, Jones gets to go against Tennessee and well, we have all seen how good Tennessee is. However, on the flip side of this matchup is arguably the 2nd greatest QB to throw the ball (yeah, I said it). The Giants just gave up nearly 400 yards to Prescott... could this be a repeat?

Jones X-Factor: Daniel Jones... I know he is the Key Matchup already, but with the team name change - it just felt right.

Slender TD's X-Factor: Marvin Harrison Jr...we are waiting for MHJ to actually become apart of the offense in Zona. He is too good to get this few of targets. Right now, through 2 weeks MHJ has just over 11 targets... that needs to be the number that he gets in one game. If San Fran plays the way they should, this should be a good game script for Zona to throw the ball - something in favor of MHJ.

Prediction: Slender TD's

Mystery Guest: Slender TD's... "Depending on Daniel Jones isn't going to get Indiana Jones many wins."

Project Tush Push (0-2) v 2 A.P. (1-1)

Key Matchup: Jalen Hurts v Josh Allen... both of these QB's are top fantasy options and both could have big weeks. The question is whether or not Philly will resort to the all-world RB (Barkley) to run the ball or will they let Hurts get himself some carries. On the plus side, Hurts should see a few Tush Pushes around the goal line. Oh and by the way, Josh Allen is currently the best NFL player in the league. 

Tush Push X-Factor: Ashton Jeanty... Yes, I did just trash him about last week - but he has the potential and moves to make big plays. He does go up against a Washington defense that has played fairly well against the run, but to be honest he is one of the focal points of the offense. Look for Jeanty to get 15+ touches and few receptions this week. - he just needs to find the endzone.

A.P.'s X-Factor: Jaylen Waddle... Waddle had a decent week last week, nearly scoring 20 points. However, the week before he scored 7 points. So the question is, what Waddle will we get this week? Will Tua wake up from his QB Coma and be able to push the ball? As of right now, things are not looking great and now they are playing Buffalo - but let's be honest, Buffalo's defense has not looked stellar. They have been leaning on the offense to win games, could be a good recipe for Waddle to have a good week.

Prediction: Project Tush Push

Mystery Guest: Project Tush Push... "2 A.P. is in desperate need of a RB!"

Ertz/Eifert (2-0) v Cleveland Streamers (1-1)

Key Matchup: Justin Jefferson v ARSB... this would be a much better matchup is the Vikings knew what they had in Jefferson. It is a confusing team to watch - there is no real urgency to get the ball in the hands of their best playmaker. Jefferson seems to get lost for entire quarters at a time. However, Carson Wentz is now under center and say what you will about winning games (not good at it) - he is definitely going to come in looking to throw the ball. Jefferson might benefit the most from this switch (due to injury). Oh yeah, ARSB is really, really good at catching the ball and finding open space - like really good.

Ertz X-Factor: George Pickens... Dak threw for nearly 400 yards last week and Pickens scored nearly 20 points. This week Dallas takes on Chicago... do I need to spell it out anymore than that?

Streamers X-Factor: Tetairo McMillan... this is the most African first name there is... like true tribe African name. With that being said, Tet looks like the number 1 receiver in Carolina - not that is saying much. This team needs some kind of spark to really get things going... Tetairo is probably their best chance (outside of Minny figuring it out).

Prediction: Ertz/Eifert

Mystery Guest: Ertz/Eifert... by a bunch, not even close

ARBL (1-1) v The J-Bones (0-2)

Key Matchup: Tyreek Hill v Nico Collins... both of these receivers seem to be a little slow out the gate, but this could be the week for one of them to get it going. Tyreek Hill is always on the verge of having a big week - but Miami needs to figure out a way to get him the ball and let him work. Nico should be feasting right now with Tank Dell injured... and if he doesn't get it going this week - then we have some serious problems. Houston takes on J-ville... this could be a battle for 2nd in the AFC south - lean on Nico to get you where you need to be!

ARBL X-Factor: Zay Flowers... one receiver who has not been slow out of the gate is Zay Flowers. Flowers is the clear number 1 receiver in Baltimore and he is averaging 20 points a week. Detroit is a good football, but they just want to outscore you - which could mean a big week for Flowers as these two offenses battle it out. 

J-Bones X-Factor: Kenneth Walker... Last season, KWIII started off amazing - this season, ehhhhhh. The Seahawks have turned into a committee in the backfield and that hurts KWIII. However, if he can show the flashes like last season - he should be in position to score big this week. Kenneth also is the best receiving back that Seattle has - which only means more opportunity and more points.

Prediction: ARBL

Mystery Guest: ARBL... J-Bones go 0-3 to start the season

With Love

Commish

Week 2 Results

The NFL season is officially back... yes, I know this is week 2 and it has been "back." But has it? 

There were a total of 706 points scored in week 1.

There were a total of 797 points scored in week 2.

Doesn't sound like that much? Let me put it this way....

Week 1 provided 5 teams scoring over 30 points.

Week 2 provided 9 teams scoring over 30 and 3 of those teams scored over 40.

Week 1 provided 3 games with at least 1 QB throwing over 300 yards.

Week 2 provided 7 games with at least 1 QB throwing over 300 yards.

Week 1 provided 3 games with at least 1 100 yard rusher.

Week 2 provided 4 games with at least 1 100 yard rusher.

Fantasy wise...

Total points scored in week 1 = 1455.58

Total points scored in week 2 = 1614.06

We are finally back. This is like when your buddy brings home a lovely lady and you look at her and you think - "What the hell are you doing with her?" and he's all like, "Dude, last one I could find... at this point, I don't care." Week 1

But then.....

In the morning, you get a better look and she is an absolute smoke show. She even got early, made the whole apartment eggs and toast and crawled back into bed your bro for a little morning sesh. Week 2

I call that the Reverse Goggles - a true unicorn in the wild... only stumbled across it once, I was not the lucky enough guy... but I did enjoy the eggs and toast.

Matchup of the Week

*Slender TD's (1-1) v Nips and Salsa (2-0)

Jahmyr Gibbs is a straight dawg. He is a as consistent as they get and you can always count on him to score at minimum 15 points. On the flip side, King Henry had an off day... but he is still averaging 15 points a week. Which begs the question: Would you rather have a player that will score 30 points one week at less than 5 points the next week or a player that will average 16/17 points a week? Jamo did his job as the X-Factor... and so did Dobbins on the flip side. The big additional help for Nips was Njigbas at night... don't ever 2nd guess a light-skinned brotha playing a dark skinned sport!

Prediction: Nips and Salsa... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Slender TD's... WRONG!!

2AP (1-1) v Bootay Pirates (1-1)

This matchup did not come down to the "Key Matchup" this week... instead Chase started to do Chase things. We are all going to have to be worried moving forward that the tandem of Chase and Waddle coul.... Hold on, my inside source is giving me some information on the Burrow situation as I type...

Burrow is officially out for 3 months... forget the being worried thing, Jake Browning is now the starting QB. Browning is a player that has been waived and practice squaded all his caree.... Hold on, my inside source is telling me that this kid a gun slinger. We should all still be worried.

Prediction: 2AP... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates... WRONG!!

Cleveland Streamers (1-1) v Cocaine Cowboys (2-0)

Just how the Key Matchup went is just how this entire matchup went. The first defense selected, and by a manager that typically follows the rule of not drafting a defense until the end of the draft, put up a real dud this week. The big question - is there a point in time when you have to let them go? Giving up -5 points to a team that doesn't even score 30 points in the the NFL means that you are not generating any turnovers or sacks... and you are giving up yards in bunches. On the flip side, it was a revenge game that became the X-Factor... I just had the wrong one selected. Goff put up the middle finger to former offensive coordinator, Ben Johnson, and decided to hang a 50 bomb on his head.

Prediction: Cocaine Cowboys... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers... WRONG!!

The J-Bones (0-2) v 1st Downs Syndrome (2-0)

For as much of a stud as Johnathan Taylor is... is seems that our questions marks on Omarion Hampton were spot on thus far. When Taylor beats out CMC in the "Key Matchup" and you still lose the matchup... it is a tough pill to swallow. But there is really only reason why... all roads lead to Rome!! I was told at the beginning of the season to look-up for Rome Odunze as a breakout player... but I just refuse to get on board. I might have to train hop here soon, because Chicago is going to be losing in the 2nd half a lot and that means a game script for throwing the ball. It is wild that these teams are on the opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of standings, but this matchup only ended up 5 points away from each other.

Prediction: 1st Downs Syndrome... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: 1st Downs Syndrome... RIGHT!!

*AR Finger (1-1) v Deez Lutz (0-2)

Seems like Shia LaBeouf might be the ticket for AR's Finger! All they needed was a little pep talk and then... BOOM... you are a belt winner! First time league member and he now holds the belt by week 2... 

Good Morning Bluffton High School, this League Commish with an Inspirational Insight.

As my favorite philosopher, Aubrey Graham once said, "Started from the bottom, now we here. Started from the bottom, now the whole team here." 

It just goes to show, anybody can do anything.

With an inspiration insight, this is League Commish... you be you, because everyone else is taken!

Prediction: AR's Finger... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: AR's Finger... RIGHT!!

ARBL (1-1) v Project Tush Push (0-2)

When one RB is the the former rushing champion and the other RB is a highly touted rookie who can't seem to get passed his own lineman... things are not going to go well. A few of my favorite plays from Week 2.....

To be fair, Jeanty had a few other decent runs... but when you are selected in the 1st round of a fantasy draft - you better be putting up some numbers. You know who is a stud? Lamar Jackson. Possible MVP season incoming?

Prediction: ARBL... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: ARBL... RIGHT!!

Barely Even Know Her (0-1) v Ertz/Eifert (2-0)

You know who Ben Johnson doesn't have in Chicago? An Egyptian Pharaoh. ARSB is one of the premier WR's and he is playing in an offense that will score points and give him plenty of opportunity. This is the recipe for big weeks like this one. You know who BEKH doesn't have anymore? Joe Burrow. You know who BEKH's backup is currently? Geno Smith. Time to open the trading block... unless you really want to work the waiver-wire... but that is not highly recommended. On the plus side, you have pieces that could be moved to get yourself a big time QB. Just be ready... the trades are coming, whether you like it or not.

Prediction: BEKH... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: BEKH... WRONG!!

With Love

Commish

Season Prediction: 9-5

Mystery Guest: 6-8 

Week 2 Predicktions

I am not going to lie to you, I am starting to write this during my lovely Wednesday morning meeting - anyone else enjoy their team meetings as much as I do? Just a list of successes that I have accomplished today....

A) Turned off a blaring alarm in Thompson's office - no clue why it was going off

B) Words spoken out-loud: 0 (my most proud accomplishment)

C) I have looked up from my screen a few times, does that count as paying attention?

D) Squeaked out a few stank bombs without anyone noticing... sorry 'bout ya back row!

Things that could have truly been accomplished in the same amount of time as this meeting that involved a lot talking and not a lot of doing....

A) The creation of 3 babies... maybe even 4 or 5

B) A quick game of chess while losing some weight on the porcelain toilet

C) Our famed biology teacher might be able to run 1 mile.... but that is going to be close

D) You could always rewatch the "My Year" video a few times

Options... this world is full of options. Enough rambling, let's get to why you are here....

Matchup of the Week
*Slender TD's (1-0) v Nips and Salsa (1-0)

Key Matchup: Derrick Henry v Jahmyr Gibbs... this is the current number 1 RB (Henry) against last year's number 1 RB (Gibbs). This week Henry goes against a much tougher Cleveland defense, which held a powerful Cincy offense in check for most of the game. The plus side for Henry - he shredded the Buffalo Bills and looked like he was 22 again. Also, I heard on a podcast the other day that Henry still has more rushing yards in high school then he does in the NFL. You tracking that? More yards in 4 years of high school than in 9 years of the NFL. Gibbs is good.

Slender X-Factor: Engram/Dobbins... this Denver duo is playing against the Indianapolis defense. A couple of shocking things happened last week... Denver looked out of sorts on offense and Indy looked on point on defense. What we don't know is if those things are true or if they were just rust/fallacies of a week 1 showing. How Engram and Dobbins respond in week 2 will not only be crucial for the Denver offense, but also how deep this Slender lineup actually goes.

Nips X-Factor: Jameson Williams... the Detroit offense as a whole looked awful last week. Which makes one of two things correct; Ben Johnson made the Lions what they were or the Green Bay Packers have a legit defense with Micah Parsons. Either way, Jameson Williams could be a key factor to jump starting the offense - he is a legitimate deep threat receiver and he can space the field for other playmakers. However, it doesn't work if the Lions don't have time for him to develop downfield. 

Prediction: Nips and Salsa

Mystery Guest: Slender TD's.... "I like Titties.... the team name is off-putting, but titties for the win"

2AP (0-1) v Bootay Pirates (1-0)

Key Matchup: Josh Allen v Justin Herbert.... is this the battle of the top white QB's? Chargers took on the Chiefs last week and Herbert outplayed Mahomes. Josh Allen is so good at football... he may as well be black. These QB's will now be duking it out on the Fantasy field and I am looking forward to seeing who takes the crown for baddest white boi under center.

2AP X-Factor: Ja'Marr Chase... just call it what it is.... Chase needs to play better. Now, it isn't every week that he will go against Cleveland's defense... so we are safe to assume that everything will revert back to normal for the number 1 pick in fantasy. Look for Chase to have a big week and reclaim his crown as the top wideout.

Bootay X-Factor: Travis Kelce... You might call him old. You might call him long-toothed. You could also call him Taylor Swift's b*tch. Either way, the man needs to have a big game. Xavier Worthy is out for the foreseeable future and the KC offense will be relying on Kelce and Hollywood Brown for the next few weeks. Kelce could lead all TE's if he is able to get into the endzone.

Prediction: 2AP

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates... "Pirates by a mile.... but it really it will be close"

Cleveland Streamers (1-0) v Cocaine Cowboys (1-0)

Key Matchup: Denver v Rams.... I know, I know, it is a defense battle and that is kind of boring for a Key Matchup. However, hear me out.... Denver DEF scored 16 points last week; which would place them as the 16th QB, 13th RB, 20th TE, 1st TE. Essentially, Denver DEF would be a playable roster spot anywhere. Who did Denver play in week 1? Tennessee. Who do the Rams play in week 2? Los Angeles Rams.

Streamer X-Factor: Justin Fields... Fields is a scrambling QB that resembles none other than Lamar Jackson. The NY Jets offense has a stud wide receiver, stud running back, and a scrambling QB. So does the Baltimore offense. Fields is playing the same team that Baltimore played last week. That either means that Fields could have a big day orrrrrrr Buffalo had a practice round and should be more prepared - this is going to be a big tell for how this matchup plays out.

Cowboys X-Factor: DK Metcalf... DK is on his revenge tour this week. He is now playing his former team and will be looking to make a statement. Nobody knows more about a statement being made more than Aaron Rodgers (who just made a revenge statement in week 1). Look for this team to try and feed DK and allow him to make some plays against his former team.

Prediction: Cocaine Cowboys

Mystery Guest: Cleveland Streamers... "Better name, Better players, Better man"

The J-Bones (0-1) v 1st Downs Syndrome (1-0)

Key Matchup: Johnathan Taylor v CMC... a couple stud running backs that are going to be battling it out for being a top running back each week. CMC is currently healthy and when he is healthy - he is the top running back in the league. How long until he isn't healthy? Nobody knows, but he is healthy now. Taylor is a stud and if the Indy offense stay hot like it was in week1... he is going to have plenty of opportunity to put up some big points.

J-Bones X-Factor: Kenneth Walker III... it was very odd seeing Seattle become a complete timeshare and even ceding more carries to a nice glass of Charbonnett. KWIII needs to return to the powerhouse that he was last year (before injury). He may still be dealing with injury or Seattle may be wanting to save the backs for a late playoff push. Either way, KWIII needs to see some more opportunities and need to see some of those opportunities around the endzone.

Downs X-Factor: Jayden Daniels... Jayden was labeled as the "Poor Man's Lamar" last season aaaaannnnndddd then he was no longer the "Poor Man's." Jayden is a fantasy football stud - scrambling QB that is also comfortable throwing the ball. It actually might be what is to come with the new generation of QB's - QB's who can make any throw, but also can run and make plays with their legs. Daniels has a tough matchup with a tough Green Bay, which may require Daniels to run a little more.

Prediction: 1 Downs Syndrome

Mystery Guest: 1st Downs Syndrome... "Downs by a bunch. May be playing the worst team in the league"

AR Fingers (0-1) v Deez Lutz (0-1)

Key Matchup/X-Factors: I am going to couple everything into one summation for this matchup. These two teams are 2 of the bottom 4 scoring teams in week one. These teams are also both projected to finish in the top 5 teams this week - in fact, they make the highest projected matchup scoring wise between the two teams. Soooooo essentially, these teams need to either figure their sh*t out - because scoring 30-40 points under the projections just ain't gonna get it done. This is my pep talk to your teams.... 

Prediction: Anthony Richardson's Finger

Mystery Guest: AR Finger.... "Two bad teams, but someone has to win. Bo Nix makes the difference"

ARBL (0-1) v Project Tush Push (0-1)

Key Matchup: Saquon Barkley v Ashton Jeanty... Last year's rushing champion vs this year's ROTY favorite. Jeanty found the endzone in week 1 and Barkley found the endzone in week 1. Jeanty had 19 carries in week 1 and Barkley had 18 carries in week 1. Jeanty and Barkley will be given roughly the same amount of opportunity... who will take advantage of the opportunities?

ARBL X-Factor: Lamar/Zay Connection... things could not have gone much better for this duo (outside of not winning the game) in week 1. Cleveland should pose a much tougher test and it will be a good tell for this Baltimore team. Fantasy wise, they would love to see the same connection ignite - but they definitely want to avoid being the 2025 Cincinnati Bengals and lose games scoring 40 points a game. ARBL don't care... lose them all - just keep scoring 40!

Tush X-Factor: Matthew Golden... a projected stud at wide receiver. The game script did not lend toward Golden's fantasy output being a postiive outlook. Green Bay was manhandling Detroit and they game plan seemed to be more suited towards keep the ball out of Goff's hands. Golden does look good, his issue is going to be which WR is going to be the stallion in a busy stable. 

Prediction: ARBL

Mystery Guest: ARBL... "Lloyd is finally focused. Post nut clarity is a real thing."

Barely Even Know Her (0-1) v Ertz/Eifert (1-0)

Key Matchup: Burrow v Baker.... If Herbert v Allen is the top battle for the best white QB in the league.... Burrow v Baker is not that far behind. Just imagine what I just typed... Baker Mayfield is now in an argument for being one the top white QB's in the league. Baker Mayfield. The same Baker that ran from the cops while handcuffed in Oklahoma. The same Baker that might be more famous his commercials than his football during his time in Cleveland. Eff it... give me the gapped toothed warrior - this guy sounds awesome!

BEKH X-Factor: Emeka Egbuka... ironic that BEKH's x-factor is reliant on Ertz/Eifert's QB to throw him the ball. What a wacky world we live in.

Ertz/Eifert X-Factor: Chase Brown... ironic that Ertz/Eifert's x-factor is reliant on BEKH's QB to hand him the ball. What a wacky world we live in.

Prediction: Barely Even Know Her

Mystery Guest: Barely Even Know Her... "Best matchup of the week. Better QB"

With Love

Commish 

Week 1 Results

If you don't know by now, I have two kids - a boy who thinks like I think and a girl who acts like me... neither of which are super desirable traits. Every so often, we tend to get along and do some family "things" - ritual sacrifices, zoot palace, Jungle Book tree climbing, fridge hopping, and our all-time favorite yard pooping.

Don't. Knock. It. Till. You've. Tried. It.

Well, one day (when they were little) we were watching this Disney movie, Zombies. If you haven't seen it, it is a lovely flick about a town that hates zombies, but they are allowed in the public school, one joins the football team, does really well, makes a cheerleader fall in love with him, yada yada yada - it is essentially Remember The Titans only they have upgraded the black characters to zombies.

Anyways, amidst my wanting to blow my brains out while this movie is taking place - a phenomenon happens. A song plays, that is corny as hell, but I believe the song applies to about half the teams so far (more specifically my team)...

I trust that you watched the whole video... Odds for who watched the whole video are as follows...

Atkins: 2 to 3 - naturally, I even know the dance

Lloyd: 2 to 1 - I expect to know the dance by Sunday

Kunkel: 5 to 1 - younger kids, a couple girls - you just never with a girl dad

Bebout: 9 to 1 - I think he would make his entire 8th grade class sit and watch this gem

Koty: 4 to 1 - new guy, probably thinks that nothing should be skipped

Taylor: 5 to 1 - odds would be lower, but always seems like he has too much sh*t that needs done

Abbett: 4 to 1 - seems like the kind of guy, who hates to stop halfway through videos

Baxter: 7 to 1 - seems like the guy that would watch this and learn the dance with his wife, but she is out of commission for a while

Schwartz: 11 to 1 - odds are boosted higher because it is tennis season and he could care less right now

Vandy: 3 to 1 - there has to be some kind of allegory in here that you could use in class

Ribich: 5 to 1 - he might have to check the videos all the way through for anything that needs turned in

Linton: 2 to 3 - he has already seen the movie and is a Zombie groupie

Grieser/Price: 1000 to 1 - both of these two probably don't even know that the blog is a thing

So yes... this is MY YEAR! Let me just explain... do you know the last time a fantasy team with some form of cock in its name won week 1? 2020. You know the last time that same team beat The J-Bones in week 1? Never. The past 4 week 1 matchups have been against The J-Bones... and every time The J-Bones have won. UNTIL NOW.... this is MY YEAR!!

Matchup of the Week
Nips and Salsa (1-0) v The J-Bones (0-1)

Let's be honest, not the best showing from The J-Bones... lost the Key Matchup, X-Factors combined for under 15 points as a stack, and was lowest scoring team in the league this week. The bright side? It is only week 1... and the Colts won! On the flip side, Sutton won the Key Matchup, and Nips' X-Factor only had 6.6 points - which leaves room for some big improvement. Call it what you want (lucky opponent), but chalk that one up for the Nips!

Predicktion: Nips and Salsa... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: J-Bones... WRONG!!

Cleveland Streamers (1-0) v 2AP (0-1)

This turned out much closer than it looked like it was going to be, thanks to Josh Allen's 4th quarter heroics... but it almost looked lost for the Steamers, until JJ McCarthy remembered how to play football. In the Key Matchup, LaPorta edged out Kittle - but Kittle was sidelined due to an injury in the game. The even worse part? Kittle is going to be out for 3-5 weeks... leaving a big hole in the lineup. The X-Factor for 2AP was Chuba and he stepped up - but who would have thought that Chase would struggle as bad as he did. If you had to finger point, not that it is a good thing - but there are many fingers pointing at Mr. Chase and his 2 receptions. I mean, it isn't like Jefferson lit it up on the other side, but he did outscore Chase by 10 points... maybe Chase wasn't the play with the number 1 overall pick.

Predicktion: 2AP... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: 2AP... WRONG!!

*Slender TD's (1-0) v AR's Finger (0-1)

What a belt worthy performance! Breece Hall won the Key Matchup against Jaylen Warren, and Marvin Harrison Jr outscored his projection. Even crazier? Slender had -7 points from their defense and still won the belt this week? On the flip side, who would have thought that Bo Nix would look like that in week 1 against the Titans?!?!? Painful, just downright painful. ARF had only player out score their projection... and TD's had 2 play not reach their projections. A recipe for disaster...

Predicktion: AR Finger... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Slender TD's... RIGHT!!

Bootay Pirates (1-0) v ARBL (0-1)

You know, there might be something to not coming to the draft party... the two highest scoring teams are the longest standing members to not show up to the draft party - what the f*ck? Kelce won the Key Matchup and Garrett Wilson had a big game for the NY Jets (against the Pittsburgh defense, might I add). Not to mention that Justin Herbert looked more Patrick Mahomes than Patrick Mahomes did. Everything was rolling for Bootay this week... and truthfully, it was rolling for ARBL. ARBL scored the 3rd highest points this week and is still taking the loss. You want to know how you prevent that? You score the highest!

Predicktion: ARBL... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates... RIGHT!!

Cocaine Cowboys (1-0) v BEKH (0-1)

What do the fantasy football Cowboys and the Indianapolis Colts have in common? They win games using cocaine as motivation. Don't believe me? The Colts won week 1... handily... thanks to celebrating their former late owner Jim "Cocaine" Irsay. The C. Cowboys lineup is listed with known coke addicts... Jared Goff? He talks about it on the Quarterback show on Netflix. Trey McBride? We all know you can't play TE in the NFL without a little coke before the game. Alvin Kamara has his septum pierce... I mean, he might as well just tell the entire world. And do I really need to get into the copious amounts of cocaine that the nostrils of DK Metcalf has consumed?!?!?

Predicktion: BEKH... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: BEKH... WRONG!!

1st Downs Syndrome (1-0) v Tush Push (0-1)

If you name your team name Tush Push... Jalen Hurts better have a good season. Oh trust me, he started strong - his usual ways of 2 rushing touchdowns. After that? Swing and miss. Matthew Golden looked good on the opening drive, but then J. Love spread the ball around and the Packers didn't need much offensive work to be done that day. The Tush Push is going to need to have more help throughout the lineup... on the flip side, CMC is healthy (for now) and hopefully he can stay that way. J. Daniels is going to put together a stat line this is always similar to what he did in week 1, give or take a few touchdowns. The big thing for Syndrome is whether or not CMC can stay healthy all season long.

Predicktion: 1 Downs Syndrome... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Project Tush Push... WRONG!!

Deez Lutz (0-1) v Ertz when Eifert (1-0)

Some might say that this explanation is short because it is the last one. Some might say that this explanation is short because I want to go to lunch. Some might even say that this explanation is short because neither of these two frequent the wall in the afternoon. I saw it is short because this is a shitty example of what fantasy football should look like in week 1.

Predicktion: Ertz when Eifert... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ertz when Eifert... RIGHT!!

With Love

Commish

Season Total: 3-4

Mystery Total: 3-4

Week 1 Predicktions

If you are new here, get ready for a whole new world of information coming your way. Some fantasy leagues have snakes and sparklers, but your pretty booty that we got the Whisker Do's and Whisker Don'ts...

If you take offense to anything that I have said/will say/or even may be thinking... then let me stop you now - this is the wrong place for you. I will proceed to sh*t talk your entire team, fantasy decisions, and possibly your personal life - so this is your warning. By the way, I am greatest fantasy team manager to never f*cking win this thing and this year is MY YEAR!!

Matchup of the Week
The J-Bones v C.S. and Cocks

Key Matchup: Courtland Sutton v Kenneth Walker III

Why? This sh*t talk on my Sutton is crazy, especially by this specific manager. Let's not forget that nothing has really changed in Denver; same QB, same head coach, outside of hiring Davis Webb to offensive coordinator. You know what he did prior? Played QB - you bet he wants to slang b*tch all over the field. All that being said, I am really high on Kenneth... he is probably taking this matchup.

J-Bones X-Factor: Stroud/Nico combo... they have the LA Rams this week - and this is not the same Rams defense that had Ramsey and Donald wrecking offenses. They are prime for the picking and these two could have a field day against this secondary - in many lists they are ranked in the bottom 7 secondaries in the league.

C.S.C X-Factor: Jameson Williams... he flashed big play potential last year and is the Lions downfield threat. If they can connect on some bombs, Williams could put up big points. On the flip side, he also had 3 or less receptions in 6 different relevant games. If he scores big, I love C.S.C.'s chances.

Prediction: Chips, Salsa and Cocks

Mystery Guest Input: Dak not a winner, team cancer.... J-Bones win.

Cleveland Steamers v 2 A.P.

Key Matchup: Kittle v LaPorta

Why? These two are strong candidates for top 3 at the TE position. They will be heavily compared throughout the season. Kittle might be the most fun TE to watch play football and he can put up numbers. If you haven't watched the Netflix series "Receiver" - I highly recommend it. On the flip side, LaPorta saw a dip in numbers last year (especially early on), then he had a great end to the season. If he continues from where he left off at the end of the season, this is going to be a great matchup to see who takes this battle.

2AP X-Factor: Chuba Hubbard... the only RB in this matchup projected for more than 15 points and if he can really separate himself from the others - it will really help AP's chances to get a win early in the season. He gets to play a terrible Jacksonville defensive line and Carolina will need him to play well. If he can get over 100 all-purpose yards, there could be major separation between him and the others.

Steamers X-Factor: Justin Jefferson... the obvious pick for Key Matchup would have been Jefferson v Chase... but I saved him for the X-Factor. The big question for Jefferson - is McCarthy ready? If he is, then he will need to lean on Jefferson in this big matchup against the Chicago Bears. Jefferson should see 10+ targets, and we all know what he can do when the ball is anywhere within range.

Prediction: 2 A.P.

Mystery Guest Input: Bluffton Tigers going in the right direction - head coach's life is currently a fantasy and he can't lose... 2 A.P. win

Slender TDs v AR Finger

Key Matchup: Breece Hall v Jaylen Warren

Why? Both of these RB's are the 2nd starting RB on their respective teams and both happen to be playing each other. Both RB's also have new QB's running the show... Warren's QB happens to be the last Jets QB. Just so much in common with these two... ever done any research on the Lincoln/Kennedy conspiracy? I highly recommend it - these two are intertwined for this first week matchup.

Slender X-Factor: Marvin Harrison Jr.... this is a big year for the sophomore wideout. Who doesn't love a midget who prefers to run the ball and throw it to his TE as their QB? However, in every game the MHJ had more than 5 receptions - he scored 15 or more fantasy points. New Orleans has a spotty secondary and this could be a big week for the wideout.

ARF X-Factor: Malik Nabers... hey look, it is another sophomore wideout! Nabers was a stud last year... will Mr. Unlimited continue to look his way? I surely hope so - he is probably the most talented offensive player the Giants have. Washington has a middle of the pack secondary, but they are near the bottom in total defense ranking - could be a fun day for Nabers.

Prediction: A.R. Finger

Mystery Guest Input: The rookie GM doesn't get a chance to lock up his first win for the league, maybe next week... maybe not.... Slender TD's win

Bootay Pirates v ARBL

Key Matchup: David Njoku v Travis Kelce

Why? There is a lot of hype surrounding Kelce... but is he focused on football or a blonde-haired siren? Kelce is now 35 and at some point, he has to slow down... doesn't he? Or does he? The LAC don't represent a tough matchup for him and Mahomes may look his way often. However, Njoku is playing against the worst defense there was last year (Cincy). Njoku is one of the TE that is not often talked about, but can definitely reach the upper echelon of performance. Don't count out the chief - this is going to be a close battle at TE.

Bootay X-Factor: Garrett Wilson... we all know that Pitt's defense is going to be tough. The Steelers won a majority of their games solely because of their defense and the happen to acquire through trade of the elite CB's in the game. Wilson will be reliant on Fields to throw the ball and sometime JF tends to become hyper focused on one receiver (see DJ Moore last season) - Wilson could fill that role.

ARBL X-Factor: Saquon Barkley... I picked this player solely because that means that ARBL's X-Factor will be going against his favorite NFL team - who doesn't love this predicament?

Prediction: ARBL

Mystery Guest Input: His exact words... "It looks like Lloyd rides the short bus*" Bootay Pirates win

Cocaine Cowboys v Barely Even Know Her

Key Matchup: DK Metcalf v Brian Thomas Jr.

Why? DK is definition of a physical stud... remember when he chased down the Buddhism God? However, as athletic as he is... he has a tendency to sometimes check out of games and let's not forget about Sauce Gardner shadowing him around the field. On the flip side, BTJ is the wideout that was not widely touted as a rookie - yet, he was the 4th best receiver last season. Just reread that sentence and tell me what stands out? Yes, BTJ was the 4th scoring WR as a rookie. Oh and guess what? He still has his same QB... if DK can keep this matchup close, it will be a big win for Cocaine Cowboys.

Cowboys X-Factor: Alvin Kamara... other than age is there a smoother looking RB with the ball in his hands? Sometimes Kamara looks like he is moving in slow motion and then he breaks off a big run. Cocaine Cowboys is a team full of big names from a few years ago, if they can turn back the clock this is going to be a good team - and it all starts with Kamara.

BEKH X-Factor: De'Von Achane... this Miami running back is sneaky good. Not considered a big name in the league - but he finished top 5 last season. Achane has breached 100 all-purpose yards in half of his fantasy relevant games and that include a season where he was dealing with injuries throughout. He has the potential to have a big season and this week is one of those big weeks. As an Indy fan, I can tell you - their run defense is full of holes.

Prediction: Barely Even Know Her

Mystery Guest Input: He is still feeling the impact of change and somebody left him for greener pastures... Barely Even Know Her

1st Downs Syndrome v Project Tush Push

Key Matchup: Jalen Hurts v Jayden Daniels

Why? Divisional rivals. Same type of QB. Both black. Who knocked out the Commanders in the playoffs? The Eagles. Which QB was responsible for 4 touchdowns? Jalen Hurts. However, which team is reliant on stellar play from their QB? The Commanders. This is going to be a fun matchup between 2 QBs that are comfortable running the ball and throwing it. Look for both of these QB's to finish in the top 5 fantasy scorers this week.

Syndrome X-Factor: CMC... the big question is how healthy is he? How often will San Fran use him and how often they try to save him for a hopeful playoff run? If he used properly, he score points in bunches. This season comes down CMC's use and how healthy he can stay.

Tush Push X-Factor: Ashton Jeanty... this is kind of an easy pick for week 1. Nobody knows how well this rookie RB will good. His ADP was in round 1 of nearly every PPR fantasy draft, but is it deserving? In previous years, top-tier rookie RB's have performed within the RB1 fantasy ranking and it is not like the Raiders have many other options (outside of Brock Bowers) for playmakers.

Prediction: 1st Downs Syndrome

Mystery Guest Input: His favorite Vandy alum now.... also he said, better player by a smidge - whatever the hell that means... Project Tush Push

Deez Lutz v Ertz when Eifert

Key Matchup: James Connor v David Montgomery

Why? This matchup needs to have a lot of separation for Deez to feel good. Montgomery is a backup and a touchdown vulture. Montgomery only ever rushed for 100 yards once last season - however, James Connor rushed for over 100 yards 6 times last season. If Conner can pull away, you can bet that this could be a big win for Deez Lutz.

Deez Lutz X-Factor: Trevor Lawrence... T-Law is usually not a candidate for a top performing QB, but this week is different. They face the worst ranked defense in the league (Carolina) and Lawrence will need to have a big week for confidence from this fantasy owner to keep him in the starting lineup. Not a lot has changed for the Jacksonville offense, so there should be some comfortability and he should have a big week.

Ertz/Eifert X-Factor: George Pickens... let's be honest, we are curious how the CeeDee/Pickens marriage is going to work in Dallas. Pickens has all the physical ability in the world, but he also tends to crash out too often. If Pickens can prove that he is a valuable 2nd option to CeeDee, this could not only be a big week for him - but also a big season.

Prediction: Ertz when Eifert

Mystery Guest: If the opposing team's QB is a hippy... you win (man must not have watched Remember the Titans)... Ertz when Eifert

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you, J-Bones - may your entire team switch bodies with Jordan Hudson and be pinned down by and have a 73-year saggy ball sack dangling in your face.

With Love

Commish

*Lloyd's team... not just Lloyd

Draft Day

Annnnnnnnddddddd..... we are back! We have some new faces with the same old teams, let's hope these boys can stay out of cell block D. No shocker after the draft, the best teams always rise to the top - at least according to the DDA - if we have learned anything, it is that you can not trust the computer to take care of things. It is just a shame that we can not not shame a certain previous owner about his team and drafting 14 kickers and 15 defenses. On to the good stuff...

We could talk about the ESPN Rankings, but nobody gives sh*t that 1st Downs Syndrome won the rankings. Do the experts even know anything? We all know what really matters... the D.D.A - and if you don't like your ranking, then show the hell up to the draft!

D.D.A Rankings

1. Chips, Salsa, and Caucamole

Sleeper: Kyle Pitts - will this finally be the year he shows what he has always been capable of?

Question Mark: Jameson Williams - the question mark goes to last year's 22nd overall wide receiver, last I checked 28 WR's have to be rostered and this team has 3 in the top 22.

2. ARBL

Sleeper: Rhamodre Stevenson - his job is questionable - and he is boom or bust, sooooo you just never know

Question Mark: Tyreek Hill - could score 25/could score 5... plus we all know he didn't want to be in Miami at the end of last season

3. The J-Bones

Sleeper: Mark Andrews - if this old man can turn back the clock, he could be THE number one receiver in Baltimore

Question Mark: Omarion Hampton - cue McGregor's "Who the fook is this guy?"

4. Ertz when Eifert

Sleeper: Jordan Addison - what will he do when he returns from suspension?

Question Mark: David Montgomery - this TD vulture is very dependent on stealing redzone carries, and why would you ever want to take out the number 1 fantasy RB from last year (who has him?)

5. 1st Downs Syndrome

Sleeper: Isiah Pacheco - this guy has major upside, but could also bottom out - could easily end up top 20 RB this season if things pan out his way

Question Mark: Christian McCaffrey - obviously this is all dependent on injuries and if he can stay healthy - I am not betting on a 16 game season for CMC 

6. 2 A.P.

Sleeper: Quinshon Judkins - if he is as good as he was college, could be good with not a lot of competition

Question Mark: Chuba Hubbard - let's be honest, can you really trust anyone that plays for the Carolina Panthers?

7. Cocaine Cowboys

Sleeper: Tyler Allgeier - a true handicap to his number 1 pick, should injury happen - this guy could be a monster

Question Mark: Trey McBride - does anybody love their TE more than Kyler Murray... but then again, it is Kyler Murray

8. Slender TD's

Sleeper: Dalton Kincaid - the starting job is his and there isn't a ton of superb receivers in Buffalo, lot of upside here

Question Mark: Breece Hall - who has more rushing yards this season Justin Fields of Breece Hall?

9. Tush Push

Sleeper: Matthew Golden - he has an opportunity to become Love's favorite target and Green Bay seems to never have any healthy WR's for him to fight with

Question Mark: Ashton Jeanty - could be good oooorrrrr could get absolutely murdered in Las Vegas

10. MAYEday

Sleeper: Deebo Samuel - once an absolute stud... could make a tremendous slot guy Jayden to throw the ball to

Question Mark: James Conner - the same could be said as was said for Breece Hall... Murray or Connor with more rushing yards at the end of the season?

11. Bootay Pirates

Sleeper: Brandon Aiyuk - has the talent to finish as a top 5 WR... but will he be utilized correctly?

Question Mark: Garrett Wilson - never trust a WR with Justin Fields as your QB... this is the guy who beat out by Mr. Unlimited last year

12. Barely Know Her

Sleeper: Emeka Egbuka - has all the potential in the world, but Tampa has a crowded WR room

Question Mark: Brian Thomas, Jr - when your team is kicking 70 yard field goals, how much faith do they have picking up first downs?

13. A.R.'s Finger

Sleeper: Keon Coleman - if Josh Allen decides to throw to a receiver if should go his way... the key word is "if"

Question Mark: Malik Nabers - I love Malik Nabers - I hate the Mr. Unlimited or the crab thief throwing the ball

14. Cleveland Steamers

Sleeper: Tetairoa McMillan - we don't know him and Scott picked him, soooooo he could be really good?

Question Mark: Ladd McConkey - long neck Ladd is still in a Harbaugh system that prefers to run the ball - do you want your starting WR with that happening?

Draft Notes:

Tush Push not only has the arguably the youngest team, with 3 rookies, they also selected back to back write-ins with Nick Chubb and Keenan Allen.

Nearly, half the picks in the first two rounds were RBs (13) and only 2 teams went RB/RB (Chips and Salsa and D. Syndrome).

Only, 3 teams did not select a RB in the first two rounds (2 AP/Steamers/ARFinger), with 2 AP taking their first RB in Round 3/Finger taking their first RB in Round 4/Steamers picking their first RB in Round 5 - 23 RB's were selected before their first RB.

Steamers selected the first defense (Denver Broncos) in round 10 and ARBL drafted the first K (Brandon Aubrey) in round 10.

Last Season's Top Performers and their draft position...

QB: Lamar Jackson, drafted 31st this year by ARBL

RB: Jahmyr Gibbs, drafted 4th this year by Chips and Salsa

WR: Ja'Marr Chase, drafted 1st this year by 2AP

TE: Brock Bowers, drafted 20th this year by AR Finger

DEF: Denver Broncos, drafted 135th this year by Steamers

K: Chris Boswell, drafted 189th this year by Ertz Eifert

In fact, let's break it down a little more....

I created a formula to rank players (only looking at QB/RB/WR/TE) for the upcoming season: (Last Year's End Rank+This Year's Projected Rank)/2. Obviously, this has some flaws in reference to injuries/trades/offensive scheme changes/etc. But what this essentially does is measure who grabbed the best ranked players in their position based on past and future. If the player on your team was not in the top selected quota, they were given a score of the max amount of players +10. Annnnnnddddd... since I am a golf coach, the lower the team score the better.

14. 1st Downs Syndrome: 33.89

13. A.R. Finger: 32.96

12. 2 A.P.: 32.89

11. Streamers: 31.79

10. Slender TD's: 31.36

9. Deez Lutz: 30.32

8. J-Bones: 30.25

7. Tush Push: 29.75

6. Bootay Pirates: 29.71

5. ARBL: 27.92

4. Cocaine Cowboys: 27.25

3. Barely Know Her: 26.29

2. Ertz when Eifert: 26.11

1. Chips and Salsa: 25.43

A few thoughts... clearly, this takes into consideration the bench heavily - since I averaged every player on your team and many of those players may never see the starting lineup. Also, if you were to draft a player that is a "handcuff" they have a higher upside than their score. However, the big issue was - what do you with rookies? They have no previous experience - so I gave them a middle of the pack rating for the previous year.... which did effect some teams for the good and some teams for the bad.

Either way, SUCK IT B*TCHES!

My final thought is a poem I just wrote...

As we sit on our golden thrones tinkering away

Switching players, adjusting lineups, what's the play?

The season is starting, who should I trade?

Is this the right start or is this a fade?

Don't worry, you are going to lose - my lineup belongs in the Louvre

And If I lose, I'll go crazy... I might even pull a Power Move

With Love

Commish

End of the Regular Season

Listen there isn't much time, if I am fittin' to pull off this upset in Round 1 of the playoffs - I can't be focusing on this blog. I have so many things to do: rosters to pour over, starting line-ups to tinker with, dumps to be taken, rosterbating, then more tinkering, then one final rosterbate and I am good for the week. You know how long that takes? Hours upon hours - I am bone dry by the time I am done. I have to make specialty hydration drinks for this week and the amount of batin' to be done. So let's just jump straight to what happened last week.

A) Predictions for the Week: 6-1

B) Mystery Guest predictions for the Week: 5-2

C) I am currently up 2 games on him.... but we will let it ride into the playoffs with a bracket prediction all the way through... something tells me a round 1 matchup will have large determination on the outcome of this prediction battle.

D) Ankle Holster moved into 1st place, earned his $20 back (I will hold onto in case some more needs added).

E) MAYEday and Heat Hicks squeak into the playoffs with big wins in the final week.

F) The J-Bones 2.0 lose the scoring title by 7 points and fail to make the playoffs.

Before we jump into the final playoff prediction portion of the post... let's give out some awards for the season....

Regular Season MVP: Ja'marr Chase, MAYEday

This is the first season in a while that I can remember this award being an extremely close race. It was essentially a two man battle between Chase and Barkley. Both players have explosion weeks and both players are top in their position. I personally love having a solid RB I can rely, but there is no denying the power of Chase. Barkley has scored 46 more fantasty points than the 2nd RB... which is ridiculous. However, Chase has scored 82 more points than the 2nd WR. For me, it is the separate that gives this one to Chase.

Steal of the Draft: Brock Bowers, Connor's Stallions

For those keeping track, he was drafted in round 9 - as the 118th pick! He is ranked as the 15th best non-QB. Let's be real, the Raid-ahs suck and that helps Bowers score so many fantasy points - but does that really matter? Everyone is looking for a solid TE that they can rely on and not have to worrying and in a year when Kelce/Laporta/Andrews have started to fade away - finding this gem was a definite diamond in the rough!

Swing of the Season: Heat Hicks traded DJ Moore for Puka Nacua (MAYEday)

Now for true stat purposes, DJ Moore is ranked 14th and Puka is ranked 27th. However, the trade was made during Puka's injury portion of the season and he is now averaging 5 more points than DJ. Some people think, this doesn't sound like a lot - but you really compare the last 5 weeks the separation gets larger. Puka has outscore DJ 4 out of the last 5 weeks and is averaging 11 points more (thanks to his final week outburst). Not to say that DJ is no slouch, but Puka is looking like a top 5 fantasy WR at the moment.

Team Free Agency: Tyrone Tracy Jr., Cleveland Streamers

Let's be honest, I am not searching through every single waive wire pickup... didn't you see how much batin' I had to do? However, in a league where RB's are few and far between Streamers found this guy... who has quietly put together a decent season for struggling Giants team. If you remove the first four weeks (Giants didn't realize how good he was), he is averaging top 20 RB numbers. Anybody in this league would take that... and I mean anybody.

Team to Beat: Heat Hicks

Call it a homer pick, call blog bias... I call it, "Come F*ckin Get it!" If you want stats to prove it, Heat Hicks is projected the most points in week 1, they have decent matchups in week 2, and they welcome back JK Dobbins in the championship week. If you want me to pick a team not named Eat a Bag of Dicks... I look forward to seeing Connor's Stallions in the championship!

Alright, have it - let's hear the complaints!

Now on to the bracket predictions...

Fantasy Guru Bracket

Round 1

8. Heat Hicks v 1. Ankle Holster

Prediction: Heat Hicks

5. The J-Bones v 4. Cleveland Streamers

Prediction: Cleveland Streamers

6. Cocaine Cowboys v 3. Ertz when Eifert

Prediction: Cocaine Cowboys

7. MAYEday v 2. Connor's Stallions

Prediction: Connor's Stallions

Round 2

8. Heat Hicks v 4. Cleveland Streamers

Prediction: Heat Hicks

6. Cocaine Cowboys v 2. Connor's Stallions

Prediction: Connor's Stallions

Championship

8. Heat Hicks v 2. Connor's Stallions

Mystery Guest Bracket

Round 1

8. Heat Hicks v 1. Ankle Holster

Prediction: Ankle Holster

5. The J-Bones v 4. Cleveland Streamers

Prediction: Cleveland Streamers

6. Cocaine Cowboys v 3. Ertz when Eifert

Prediction: Cocaine Cowboys

7. MAYEday v 2. Connor's Stallions

Prediction: MAYEday

Round 2

4. Cleveland Streamers v 1. Ankle Holster

Prediction: Ankle Holster

7. MAYEday v 6. Cocaine Cowboys

Prediction: MAYEday

Championship Round

7. MAYEday v 1. Ankle Holster

Prediction: Ankle Holster

As always, it has been a great season - one for the books... try not to watch too much WNBA!

With Love

Commish