Week 9 Results

I am a man of routine, all humans are. Our bodies have an internal clock and at certain times throughout the day your body will have the same instance take place. For example, I find that whenever I get home from school - I am hungry for a snack. However, if I was able to stick myself to a better regiment of not eating a snack my body would adjust and I would lose that hunger. Similarly, I tend to take very nice sh*ts during 3rd period. Once my 2nd period class leaves, I finish calming down from those morons and I work my way to my throne. Often times there is another male who would like to use the faculty facilities - one can only assume to take a sh*t as well. Ahhhhhh.... another man of routine!

You see, I tell you this not only to inform you to stay out of the "A" wing faculty bathroom during the beginning of 3rd period, but also to make the connection that fantasy football is also a league of routine. The idea behind fantasy football is to develop smooth routine of when you are going to check the inactives, do your roster tinkering, and where you watch the games. For me.... I tend to wake-up on Sunday and check the roster in the morning, get up and get ready for church. After church, I check the lineup once more for those last second "game time" decisions - of course this is I haven't taken a pretend bathroom break during the sermon. Then I eat lunch with the family and begin to prepare myself to watch all the NFL games at a good friend of mine's house. You may know him.... those that go to the draft.... or those that are social enough to watch football with the other half of the league... Abbett. That has been my routine for many years and every year the same things happens. Of the group of guys that go to watch the game there, some of them are eliminated from playoff contention. Their gusto becomes a little less, their motivation begins to simmer, and in some cases their will to even come over disappears. What makes it even more awkward... is when that person is actually the owner of the humble abode - let's look at the playoff chances....

1. Wings of Dickarus - 99%
          No explanation needed, lots of wins and lots of points

2. Dixie Normous - 92%
          The highest change in percentages of the week, big performance and an even bigger win

3. PEN15 Wrinkle - 91%
          The leader in the Reverse Cowgirl division, looking to keep in that way and lock up a top seed

4. Aaron Rodgers Blow Llamas - 87%
          Finds himself in a cluster*ck at 6-3, but has one of the easiest schedules to finish the season

5. Biggus Dickus - 85%
          A surprising performance this week, knocks him down a few rungs, shows that he can be beat

6. Florida State Seminal Vesicle - 80%
          Sitting on top of multiple belt wins and a mound of points - should be good if ever in a tie

7. Hoosier Daddy - 65%
          This begins those that are really fighting for the last two spots, needs to secure 2 more wins

8. Ankle Holster - 60%
          This was a bad loss this week - with a tough schedule left - if he makes it, he will battle ready

9. Massive TD's - 55%
          The percentages don't make sense, but with big points this week (belt winner) - nothing does

10. The Back Hatch - 50%
          The final team at 4-5, between the four teams - and two have a real shot at making it

11. Hernandez Hit Men - 24%
          Big run of wins and some teams to really fall apart, not looking good

12. The J-Bones - 15%
          Keep on hosting, find another a team and hop on the bandwagon - do something to stay active!

13. Bluffton Backup Backups - 14.7%
          Brissett's injury not crushes the Colts, it crushes this team, sad to see them lose, F*ck Jason

14. ...And Your Johnson - 14.5%
          Honestly, teams 12-14 are fighting for pride - which could really screw over a few others

Remember, the top eight make the playoffs - so keep up the good fight, and screw over whoever you need to, to get to the top!

Matchup of the Week

Biggus Dickus* (6-3) v PEN15 Wrinkle* (6-3)

In a battle between belt winners, the wrinkle proves victorious! It started early in the week when Wrinkle had Jimmy G/Breida/Kittle/Def all going and the 49ers have not disappointed yet. It will be a tough week if the 49ers meet a tough defense, but right now they are rolling. Fournette has been a nice surprise for Wrinkle - who had a down week because of playing in London, but still one player that will be depended upon in crunch time. Biggus had a good run and was able to secure the belt for at least one week - but now is not the time to start slipping! Edelman is greatly enjoying the benefits of no longer having Gordon or AB on the roster. Lindsay looked great this week - to be fair though, nobody on the Browns defense could tackle a Bronco. A nice consistent score - but without a big time performance, you will not be finding many wins against top level teams!

Result: PEN15 Wrinkle wins
Prediction: Biggus Dickus wins.... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Biggus Dickus wins... WRONG!!

Wings of Dickarus* (7-2) v Hoosier Daddy* (4-5)

A big win for a team that is looking to lock-up not only a playoff spot, but also the top seed in the league. Wilson might be the MVP of the NFL - and he continues to perform like it. Ertz finally returned to his top tier status and after those two players, if you can get steady performances - you will be sitting fine. On the flip side, the road gets a little tougher for Hoosier Daddy - who could have given himself some breathing room in the race to place. If Wilson isn't the MVP, then Jackson might be - he looked like a video game against the "top defense" in the NFL. It is not that I hate the Patriots, it is just that I don't want them to live anymore. Singletary also looks like the classic savvy pick that we have become used to seeing from Hoosier Daddy.

Result: Wings of Dickarus wins
Prediction: Wings of Dickarus wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy wins... WRONG!!

Bluffton Backup Backups (2-7) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas* (6-3)

ARBL is now in a cluster fighting for a top spot at 6-3. Watson is tremendous and Golladay (along with Jones Jr.) is beginning to look like Stafford's favorite target. The biggest surprise though? Old Man AP still getting it done! On the flip side, Elliott saved Triple B from being scribed as one of the worst performances in the history of the league. However, there must be something done! Elliott was by far the dominant player in the game, ripping off chunks of yards at a time and showcasing his signature "feed me" celebration. Yet, he only gets 13.9 points - how have we not evolved as a league and given bonuses to reward players who dominant a game?

Result: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas wins
Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins.... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas wins.... RIGHT!!

Massive TD's* (4-5) v The J-Bones (2-7)

Welcome to the club Massive TD's - I hope the belt fits! Remember back in the beginning of the season when Massive first started both Seattle wide receivers and I (among many others) doubted the decision. Open mouth and insert foot! These two look amazing right now! With 5 players scoring more than twenty points and one scoring more than 40 - this was a week to remember! The J-Bones have all but closed the book on this season and is beginning the process researching and chart building for the next. Don't forget though - you will get to play the role of spoiler in the next few weeks - or hell, just make a couple side bets.

Result: Massive TD's wins
Prediction: Massive TD's wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Massive TD's wins... RIGHT!!

Ankle Holster* (4-5) v Dixie Normous (7-2)

This matchup meant much more for a side bet than it did for the outcome of the league - although it did have high implications in the league as well. Dixie Normous continues to hold pace for the top spot in the league and continue to find ways to win week-in and week-out. What a terrific move to decide to play Preston Williams (cue Mcgregor meme "Who the fook is that guy?"). The Miami offense looks much more deadly with Fitzpatrick at the helm and Williams could become a fantastic late season addition to the starting lineup.

Result: Dixie Normous wins
Prediction: Ankle Holster wins... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins... WRONG!!

Hernandez Hit Men (3-6) v Florida State Seminal Vesicle** (6-3)

Well, well, well, it looks like FSSV doesn't always need 30 points from their defense to win a matchup - he will just get it from McCaffrey! If the MVP award wasn't just an award for QB's, McCaffrey would be the frontrunner. He is literally the entire Carolina offense! After that - just getting consistent performances will suffice and continue to keep the two time belt winner in the chase for a top seed. On the flip side, this was a bad loss for HHM - whose running backs were the only ones that show up this week.

Result: Florida State Seminal Vesicle wins
Prediction: Florida State Seminal Vesicle wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Florida State Seminal Vesicle wins.... RIGHT!!

               The Back Hatch (4-5) v ...And Your Johnson (2-7)

This was a must win week for either team, the loser is not mathematically eliminated - but they might as well be! It was a hard fought battle and the receivers for The Back Hatch were the big difference - Evans and Jones Jr. both dominated, combing for 62.6 points, more than one entire team scored on Sunday! When you can get that kind of performance from two players and then still Bell to play - you are sitting pretty good in your matchup. Johnson didn't go away quietly though, Stafford and Montgomery held their own and there were pretty consistent points from Williams, Brown, and Kelce. It is just hard to see your season dashed by 1.1 points, sadly this is still not the worst showing by a head football coach in this league.... not even close!

Result: The Back Hatch wins
Prediction: The Back Hatch wins.... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: The Back Hatch wins.... RIGHT!!

Season: 34-22
Mystery Guest: 31-25

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