Thanksgiving? HELL NO
I trust we are all taking our scheduled bathroom breaks to check on the roster and any updates in regards to injuries and inactives. I plan on taking a few extra dumps, so I double check the matchups that really matter. Let's just avoid all this chit-chat and breakdown the matchups and what needs to happen for each team....
Matchup of the Week
Biggus Dickus* (7-5) v Hernandez Hit Men (6-6)
What needs to happen...
Biggus Dickus...
Win - You are in the playoffs
Lose - You need multiple 6-6 teams to lose to guarantee your spot in the playoffs or you could beat multiple teams in total points for to make it. The easiest is to win, however - if you lose, you need to have two of the following teams: The Back Hatch, Massive TD's, Hoosier Daddy to lose or not beat you in points. As it stands now, Biggus is beating Massive TD's and The Backhatch in points so they should be fine - but there have been crazier downfalls.
Hernandez Hit Men...
Win - You are in the playoffs - most likely. You still would need to outscore Massive TD's should they win (HHM has a 50 point advantage).
Lose - You need both Massive TD's and The Back Hatch to lose. If you lose and one of them wins, they leapfrog you for the last spot of the playoffs.
Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men win
Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men win
Wings of Dickarus** (10-2) v The Back Hatch (6-6)
Wings of Dickarus...
In and locked at the 1-seed, no matter what happens
The Back Hatch...
Win - A win does not guarantee a spot in the playoffs, but it does increase the chances. If you win, you would need two of the following teams to lose: Hernandez Hit Men, Massive TD's, or Hoosier Daddy. At this point there is virtually no catching them in tie-breakers (although, technically speaking that could happen).
Lose - A loss equals the consolation bracket.
Prediction: Wings of Dickarus wins, belt winner
Mystery Guest: Wings of Dickarus wins
Florida State Seminal Vesicle** (7-5) v Bluffton Backup Backups (2-10)
What needs to happen...
FSSV...
Win - You are in the playoffs, but a win and a PEN15 Wrinkle loss may give you the 2nd seed and the division title.
Lose - You can still make the playoffs - but you will need a few things to happen. You would need either scenario to happen.... one 6-6 team losing or all them winning but not outscoring your total points for. You have an enormous lead over a few of them and you a virtual lock for the playoffs.
Bluffton Backup Backups...
Win/Lose - You are out of the playoffs.
Prediction: Florida State Seminal Vesicle wins
Mystery Guest: Florida State Seminal Vesicle wins
...And Your Johnson (4-8) v Massive TD's* (6-6)
What needs to happen....
Johnson...
Win/Lose - You are out of the Playoffs
Massive TD's...
Win - You need to win and then have two of the following teams lose: Hernandez Hit Men, Hoosier Daddy, The Back Hatch. You also could win and have them win, but outscore them in points - however you are currently sitting just outside the playoffs because of the tie-breaker, which is not in your favor.
Lose - You are not out of the running if you lose, but either Hoosier Daddy and Hernandez Hit Men need to lose and you also need to outscore them, and you need The Back Hatch to lose. Your best chance at losing and getting in is to have The Back Hatch and Hernandez Hit Men lose and you outscore Hernandez Hit Men by 48 points this week.
Prediction: ...And Your Johnson wins
Mystery Guest: Massive TDs wins
Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas* (7-5) v Ankle Holster* (5-7)
What needs to happen...
ARBL...
Win - You are in the playoffs.
Lose - You will need two of the following teams to lose: Hoosier Daddy, Hernandez Hit Men, The Back Hatch, or Massive TD's. You also could have them win and you outscore them in total points for, which you are currently beating two of them.
Ankle Holster
Win - You need to win and have Hernandez Hit Men, The Back Hatch, and Massive TD's to lose. You also will need to beat them all in points scored. You are losing to Hernandez Hit Men by 80.8 points.
Lose - You are out of the playoffs.
Prediction: Ankle Holster wins
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins, belt winner
The J-Bones (3-9) v PEN15 Wrinkle* (7-5)
What needs to happen...
The J-Bones...
Win/Lose - You are out of the playoffs.
PEN15 Wrinkle...
Win - You are in the playoffs and you have locked up the 2nd seed.
Lose - You would need 2 of the 6-6 teams: Hernandez Hit Men, Hoosier Daddy, The Back Hatch, Massive TD's to lose. You also could have them win and you outscore them or the other 7-5 teams (should they lose). The worst case scenario is that you lose and the 6-6 teams win, and the other 7-5 teams, all outscore you in a tie-breaker. You should be alright, you currently rank 4th in points scored, but there are three other teams within 20 points.
Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle wins
Mystery Guest: The J-Bones wins
Dixie Normous (8-4) v Hoosier Daddy** (6-6)
What needs to happen...
Dixie Normous...
Win - In the playoffs and locked up the 3rd seed.
Lose - In the playoffs, but will drop down in seeding.
Hoosier Daddy...
Win - Two of the other 6-6 teams: Hernandez Hit Men, Massive TD's, and The Back Hatch lose or you continue to hold your lead over them in points scored. You are currently ranked 2nd in points scored and should be fine should a tie-breaker come into play.
Lose - You will need two of the 6-6 teams: Hernandez Hit Men, Massive TD's, and The Back Hatch to lose and you continue to hold your lead in the points scored. If you lose and two of the 6-6 teams win, you will be out of the playoffs.
Prediction: Hoosier Daddy wins
Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy wins
May you all enjoy this cluster f*ck of a playoff race and root whole-heartedly against each other's teams!
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