Week 8 Predictions

 We are just over halfway and that is when the fantasy football season begins to get a little more interesting. It is very similar to most things: once you get about halfway - it starts getting really interesting.

1. Peeing - I should preface this with - in a bottle. We have all done it before, but when you pee in a bottle and it begins to fill up over halfway things get really interesting. You start to panic - looking around for another bottle. How are you going to cut this stream off? You are endanger of spilling out everywhere. 

2. Super Bowls - As a wise old referee once said, "The game doesn't really start until the last 5:00."

3. Drumsticks - The ice cream drumsticks are good - but when you get to the last half and you have the huge chunk of chocolate at the end of the cone, best part of the whole dessert.

4. Sex - Let's be honest, the last half is always more fun - that is if you make it there.

5. Poker Night - Those of you that actually come a play cards may have stuck around every once and a while to the last half of the night. That is when things really start getting crazy; dumb bets, even dumber games - hell, a shirt or two might come off.

As tradition, let's look at the standings and the percentages of making the playoffs...

1. Asymmetric TDs; 5-2; 875.42 points scored; 95% chance of making the playoffs

2. Remember the Redskins; 5-2; 828.62 points scored; 95% chance of making the playoffs

3. Penis Fly Trap; 5-2; 758.88 points scored; 80% chance of making the playoffs

4. Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams; 4-3; 832.02 points scored; 82% chance of making the playoffs

5. 2 Gurleys 1 Cup; 4-3; 765.78 points scored; 80% chance of making the playoffs

6. Hernandez Hit Men; 4-3; 756. 52 points scored; 75% chance of making the playoffs

7. iTouchdown There: 3-4; 910.58 points scored; 75% chance of making the playoffs

8. The J-Bones; 3-4; 872.62 points scored; 45% chance of making the playoffs

9. 3rd and 41; 3-4; 867.56 points scored; 60% chance of making the playoffs

10. Dixie Normous; 3-4; 843.24 points scored; 55% chance of making the playoffs

11. Bluffton Backup Backups; 3-4; 767.8 points scored; 40% chance of making the playoffs

12. Ankle Holster; 3-4; 764.1 points scored; 35% chance of making the playoffs

13. Solo Driving Asians; 2-5; 778.32 points scored; 30% chance of making the playoffs

14. PEN15 Wrinkle; 2-5; 689.49 points scored; 25% chance of making the playoffs

*All percentages are a fabric of my imagination

Let's jump to the matchups....

Matchup of the Week

iTouchdown There* (3-4) v 3rd and 41* (3-4)

In a week that features 3 matchups with teams of winning records, the MotW ends up featuring two high scoring teams that are both in desperate need of a win. iTouchdown just won the belt and narrowly beat 3rd and 41 to do it. Will there be revenge this week? Or will iTouchdown prove once again that he has the dominate team...

QB: Tagovailoa v Allen

Losing Murray this week really hurts, especially when you have a rookie playing for the Miami Dolphins are your replacement. On the flip side, Allen started off the season on fire - but has since cooled off. The Buffalo offense struggled against a NYJets defense and failed to score a touchdown - that is not a good look for anyone. Nonetheless, Allen provides a much higher floor and ceiling and the advantage goes to him.

RB: Jackson/Cook v Mixon/Perine

Just as losing Murray hurt, so does losing Robinson for this week. Robinson has been the backbone of this department for 3rd and 41 and without him Perine is forced to play. Without looking it up, does anybody actually know what that guys first name is? Or who he even plays for? That alone sends the advantage to Jackson/Cook.

WR: Brown/Lockett v Hill/Boyd

Lockett and Hill are both dominate players that can really boom-or-bust. Lockett just had a huuuugge week and more than likely he could be facing the top CB from San Fran. On the flip side, Hill has a friendly matchup with the NYJets. The bigger question is whether or not Hill will play the whole game. However, Brown has been very consistent and is the clearcut number one receiver in Tenn. Boyd has a great young quarterback who is not afraid to throw the ball. Cincy and Tenn face-off this week and the winner of this matchup may also be the winner of that game. Advantage Brown/Lockett

TE: Tonyan/Schultz v Smith/Hurst

Both managers go back and forth between their two TE options. It is going to be a matter of who picks correctly this week. Tonyan has the biggest upside playing in Green Bay and Hurst has a good an offense friendly matchup. My guess is that those two end up playing and in that case - there is no real advantage.

FLEX: A Slew of options v A bevy of selections

These two managers have shown a preference and moving around players to best fit their matchup for the week. Who knows who they will throw in there - but from the looks of their benches, there is no real huge advantage either way. If I were to guess - I would guess it will end up being Harris v Parker or Gage. In that case I am giving a slight advantage to Parker or Gage.

DEF/K: Steelers/Tucker v Bills/Prater

At least for iTouchdown they only have to pay attention to one game to watch both their defense and kicker playing. In this matchup, I like the Bills going against a struggling New England offense and I like Prater going against a tough Indianapolis defense. Indianapolis has shown been a top defense in the league and there should be a few time that Prater will be trotting on the field to attempt a 30-50 yard field goal. Advantage Bills/Prater

Prediction: 3rd and 41 wins

Mystery Guest: iTouchdown There wins

Penis Fly Trap (5-2) v Hernandez Hit Men (4-3)

This matchup could have easily been the matchup of the week - had it not been such a crucial week for two other teams. Both of these teams have winning records and HHM has both of their top running backs already through their bye weeks. HHM looks strong this week and has a good chance at securing the belt - which means PFT is going to be sent packing!

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men wins.... and takes down the belt this week!

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men wins

Solo Driving Asians (2-5) v Bluffton Backup Backups (3-4)

There are times in this season when you don't know why, but you just got a feeling. Then there are time when you look at the matchups and just think - this could easily be a blowout. Outside of the quarterbacks, BBB has a advantage at nearly every other position. Singletary/Hines provide a much higher floor than Bell/Brown - the later are both backups. Adams is the best player for either team, but Davis already blew his load last week. Allen and Woods provide a much more consistent scoring. Hockenson is going against the best defense in the NFL and Higgins is going against a top 5 defense. There is going to be some tough sledding for the Asians and this may be the week that pushes them to the brink of elimination.

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins

Mystery Guest: Solo Driving Asians wins

Aaron Rodger Blows Llams (4-3) v Asymmetric TDs (5-2)

Wha-wha-wee-wha! What a trade, what a trade! ARBL made a four man trade with 2G1C and it is a big one. ARBL welcomes Michael Thomas - now giving them the best WR group in the league (if all can be healthy and play at the same time). With that group and if Wentz and Montgomery can show-up every week, this will be a team contending for a championship. However, the trade was made with the future in mind, TDs is looking strong this week and is going to make a run at the belt. But be carefule, ARBL is now a team that could be a force in weeks to come.

Prediction: Asymmetric TDs wins

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins

The J-Bones (3-4) v Ankle Holster (3-4)

This might be the worst matchup of the week - although you don't have to scroll down much further to find the other contender. The J-Bones started off on fire, winning the belt two out of the first three weeks. Then everything took a turn for the worse, but this week the ship will be righted. Mainly because Ankle Holster has five players on the bye, three of which are consistent starters and the other two have seen the starting lineup many weeks. This is a crucial week for both teams and a really bad time to have bye week issues...

Prediction: The J-Bones wins

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins.... and takes down the belt!

Dixie Normous (3-4) v PEN15 Wrinkle (2-5)

This is the other contender for worst matchup of the week. At some point you have to feel for PEN15 - the team is just so bad. They lost to a team with two players on the bye, they don't play their real NFL team's players and lose, and now they are forecasted to smacked by Dixie Normous. Is this the week the two-time defending champion starts to make their run for the playoffs and go after a three-peat? It is about that time of the season, look out Bombshells here comes a e-Normous Dick-ie... 

Prediction: Dixie Normous wins

Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous wins

Remember the Redskins (5-2) v 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (4-3)

2G1C just made a big trade and they are looking to secure a big win in a crucial week. Taylor is coming of a bye week and Hunt is looking stronger than ever. Kelce welcomes the Jets and Robinson has a matchup that will more than likely force Chicago to throw the ball - play catchup. On top of that, they are catching RtR right before they welcome back Run CMC. If you are going to beat this team - it better be right now...

Prediction: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins
Mystery Guest: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins

I wish all good luck, except for you Hernandez Hit Men, may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash, eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

Week 7 Results

We have now passed the halfway point and it is time to start entering our playoff probability realm. Who doesn't this point in the season - the final push! Every manager decision will be vital to the success of your team. Imagine being that one manager that benches his favorite NFL team's defense and wide receiver and they score a combined 33 points.... and they just so happen to lose by 27 points. That would suuuccckkk!

First off, let's just get this out of the way....

Halfway Point Season Awards

MVP - Russell Wilson (Remember the Redskins)

#LETRUSSCOOK is strong in Seattle - Wilson just so happens to have 22 passing touchdowns and is top 5 in rushing yards (QB) and 8th in total passing yards.... and he has already served his bye week. Russell Wilson is one of the players you can put in your lineup and just forget about ever taking him out. No matter the matchup #LETRUSSCOOK is going to put up points! 

QB - Kyler Murray (iTouchdown There)

Yes I know, everyone is expecting Russell Wilson's name to be here - and to be fair it probably should. Wilson is averaging 29.6 points per week - leading the league. However, can we just take a moment and recognize how great Kyler Murray is playing. Murray is averaging 27.9 points per week and is technically rated as the number 1 QB (only because Wilson has already served his bye week and Murray has not).

RB - Alvin Kamara (Asymmetric TDs)

As if there was ever any doubt with this one. After injuries destroyed the first two draft picks and decimated the Dallas offense - Kamara was the obvious choice. Kamara should be considered a dual threat running back. Kamara is top 5 in receptions and actually has more receiving yards than rushing yards. Is this league a PPR?

TE - Travis Kelce (2 Gurleys 1 Cup)

The TE position gets a little murky - with a few options to choose from. However, Kelce separates himself a little bit with consistency. Kelce is averaging 16.9 points per week and outside of yesterday's snowstorm Kelce has yet to score less than 10 points. Even in the snowstorm he was able to secure all three targets thrown his way. Kelce is the most consistent TE week-in and week-out, and in fantasy football consistency is key.

K - Who gives a sh*t?

DEF - Indianapolis Colts

Wouldn't life had been much better if this defense played with Manning and da boys? Amirite? 

Steal of the Draft - Josh Allen (3rd and 41)

This is a much harder award to find a deserving recipient. Allen was drafted in the 8th round is currently the number 4 ranked QB. Although Allen has struggled in the past few weeks, he still has yet to score less than 15 points a week. That ain't bad for anybody drafted in the 5th round - but the 8th round? Phenomenal! 

Team to Beat - Remember the Redskins

Just think about this.... RtR is soon going to be welcoming back Christian McCaffrey. Which means this team - that is currently sitting on top of The Growers division is getting back the number one pick in alllll of fantasy football. Whelp - we are all screwed now!

Let's get right to the matchups...

2 Gurleys 1 Cup (4-3) v Penis Fly Trap (5-2)

What is there to say about this matchup? It just didn't live up to the hype - both teams entered this week with 4 wins, both teams stumbled on their 20 foot long cock and tripped and fell. Luckily for PFT, Burrow happens to have slayed a few sorority girls in his time at LSU and his d-piece is a bit longer than anyone on 2G1C. He was able to stumble and littler further and inch out the win. It wasn't pretty, but winning ugly is better than losing pretty.

Prediction: 2 Gurleys 1 Cup.... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: 2 Gurleys 1 Cup.... WRONG!!

Remember the Redskins (5-2) v iTouchdown There* (3-4)

Holy sh*t! Could Sunday Night Football have gone any better for iTouchdown? Lockett scores 53 points - are you kidding me?!?! The only bad part about it is the fact that Lockett had 5 targets he wasn't able to catch, and he lost the all-time best performance by .7 points. Talk about a real heartache. Either way, I would hate to be the dummy that traded that guy away! Don't worry RtR, soon you are welcoming back Run CMC and that should help out your 8.4 combined points from your RB department.

Prediction: Remember the Redskins wins.... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Remember the Redskins wins... WRONG!!

Bluffton Backup Backups (3-4) v Hernandez Hit Men* (4-3)

Can we all just take a moment and recognize BBB for doing what he was supposed to do. He was able to move players out of his starting lineup and actually play a full roster! Hip Hip Hoo-ray! Which is a good thing, because he had 6 players on the bye this week. Usually, that is when you just figure you will lose that week and be able to compete after that - but HHM rolled over and let BBB do what he pleased. How are you going to only score 86 points?!? For your sake, I hope BBB used lube - but you definitely didn't earn that pleasantry.  

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men wins.... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men wins... WRONG!!

Solo Driving Asians (2-5) v Dixie Normous (3-4)

You know what would suck? Having one player on your team score 44.6 points and still losing. You know what would suck even more? Adopting (pretty much) a son; having that son play football at a D1 school; having one of his teammates make it to the NFL; talking up that friend of your adopted son; drafting that friend of your adopted son; not playing that friend of your adopted son; losing because of that decision. Man, that would suck. 

Prediction: Dixie Normous wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous wins... RIGHT!!

Asymmetric TDs* (5-2) v 3rd and 41* (3-4)

There is something to be said about the waiver wire and paying attention to it. You know who the leading scorer in this matchup was? James Robinson. I will let you take a second and guess where he came from. Oh yeah, and if you didn't know Robinson is currently the ranked number 2 for all of running backs. Oh yeah, and if you didn't know has yet to score under 10 points in a given week. Too bad, Jonnu Smith didn't show up this week - could have belt winner!

Prediction: Asymmetric TDs wins... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Asymmetric TDs wins... WRONG!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (4-3) v The J-Bones** (3-4)

ARBL is making a serious case for one of those teams to look out for. Godwin and Hopkins makes up a deadly WR department. Montgomery and Taylor are both pretty good running backs. This is a good team - especially when they can get 21 points out of their defense. On the flip side, J-Bones has taken a turn for the worse. Their team looked strong out of the gate and then the downward spiral hit. There should be a few more wins left for The J-Bones in this season, but it is going to take a push to get to the playoffs.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins.... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins... RIGHT!!

Ankle Holster* (3-4) v PEN15 Wrinkle (2-5)

You know what combo looks to be finally coming alive? The Brady and Gronk hookup is beginning to shape up and it looks like Gronk is getting back into football shape. In the battle of the staff from that one school that we just send kids that we really don't want to around and they typically smell of cat piss and menthol - it looks like the Brady/Gronk stack worked out better than the San Fran running back with pony tail. Too bad someone wasn't a true fan and started their favorite team's defense and budding young receiver.  

Prediction: Ankle Holster wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins... RIGHT!!

Season: 26-23, BP 1

Mystery Guest: 24-25

Mwah

Week 7 Predictions

 Let's be honest, it is Fall Break - which actually makes this blog much harder to work on. Some people think, "You have so much time on your hands - you should be writing more." Nahhhhhh, I actually work better when I have other work I can avoid. So when I am at work, I write the blog - I am using it to avoid things I don't want to do. However, when I am on break - I have other things I could be doing. So what I am saying is, I use fantasy football to avoid my job - it is my cross and I am willing to carry it.

No Team of the Week. Why? Because most of you f*ckers will not even read it this week. In fact, lets do an experiment.... if you do read it - text me "Good Morning Googled Aquatic Yellow Snakes"

I honestly doubt I will get more than three texts - I get it, you dirty beeastards are busy banging hookers and snorting some nose candy. Let's just jump straight to the matchups (they will be short and sweet)

2 Gurleys 1 Cup (4-2) v Penis Fly Trap (4-2)

Prediction: 2 Gurleys 1 Cup wins... and takes the belt!

Mystery Guest: 2 Gurleys 1 Cup wins

Remember the Redskins (5-1) v iTouchdown There (2-4)

Prediction: Remember the Redskins wins

Mystery Guest: Remember the Redskins wins

Bluffton Backup Backups (2-4) v Hernandez Hit Men* (4-2)

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men wins

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men wins

Solo Driving Asians (2-4) v Dixie Normous (2-4)

Prediction: Dixie Normous wins

Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous wins

Asymmetric TDs* (5-1) v 3rd and 41* (2-4)

Prediction: Asymmetric TDs wins

Mystery Guest: Asymmetric TDs wins

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (3-3) v The J-Bones** (3-3)

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins

Ankle Holster* (2-4) v PEN15 Wrinkle (2-4)

Prediction: Ankle Holster wins

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins.... and takes the belt!

I wish you all good luck, except for you 2 Gurleys 1 Cup, may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash, similar to the one that took down Kobe!

Week 6 Results

 There are times when you may look at your team and think, "Man, I hate fantasy football. My team is awful." Then... there are times when you may look at your team and think, "Man, I hate fantasy football. I got screwed on matchups - why couldn't I have faced 'Team X' or 'Team Y.'" This week was exhibit A of both end of the spectrum of hate for fantasy football.

Remember last week's Team of the Week? iTouchdwon There? Pretty rough draw this week, eh? Remember Asymmetric TD's? How can such a dominate team barely miss the Book of Records.... for all-time low?!?

Pretty Rough week, let's take a look at it....

Matchup of the Week

Ankle Holster* (2-4) v Asymmetric TD's* (5-1)

In a week when pretty much everyone scored atrocious - Asymmetric managed to narrowly avoid the record books for the top 5 of all-time low. Prior to MNF, Asymmetric had scored just over 30 points. Forget the matchups - this was a downright beatdown and one of the best teams in the league just showed why fantasy football can be the most frustrating thing in this world outside of the female mind. Congrats Ankle Holster - you took down a top dog..... after they got struck by multiple semi-trucks!

Prediction: Ankle Holster wins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins... RIGHT!!

Dixie Normous (2-4) v Penis Fly Trap (4-2)

Thank the lucky stars Andy Dalton decided to continue playing late into the game, even though it was well over. He just happened to find Amari Cooper in the back of the end zone and secured the victory for PFT. You can pretty much chalk this up to the late touchdown and the two... yes, I said TWO... fumbles from Zeke.

Prediction: Penis Fly Trap wins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous wins... WRONG!!

Hernandez Hit Men* (4-2) v iTouchdown There (2-3)

This is a pretty brutal matchup - iTouchdown scores 120 points and happens to be matched up with one of the two teams that he faces. In a week when over half of the teams fail to break 100 points and only 3 teams break 120 points - this is a tough loss. HHM had a great week with Derrick Henry finally showing up consistent scoring surrounding him. If this becomes a weekly output - HHM could return back to the top spot (previous number one from the DDA) and be a tough team in the playoffs.

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men wins... RIGHT!! (And wins a belt point!)

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men wins... RIGHT!!

3rd and 41* (2-4) v 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (4-2)

This is what it will look like for 3rd and 41 if Josh Allen has a bad week. Not only can the Bills afford for him to play poorly, but either can his fantasy owner. His running backs are very consistent - but all the other positions have been boom or bust. When this team booms - they are nearly unbeatable, when they bust... well, you can see the results yourself. 2G1C didn't have great week, but they had a good enough with Kelce have a good outing. All you can do is beat the person in front of you - winning ugly is still winning!

Prediction: 3rd and 41 wins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: 3rd and 41 wins... WRONG!!

The J-Bones** (3-3) v Remember the Redskins (5-1)

My how the mighty have fallen - looks like losing Dak is hurting more than just the Cowboys. JuJu is struggling at the moment, especially with the Pitt offense loving on Claypool. The craziest part of this entire lineup is the consistency out of Robby Anderson - who is a known boom-or-bust player. On the flip side, what is there to be said about RtR? The team is 5-1 and flying under the radar. No belt wins, but plenty of friendly matchups. Not a bad week when you don't even need to break 100 points and still get by with a win!

Prediction: The J-Bones win... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones win... WRONG!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (2-4)  v Bluffton Backup Backups (2-4)

I have no clue who should be more embarrassed here...

Bluffton Backup Backups had two players on a bye week - a serious aggravation of mine. Don't you have any integrity for the game?!?

PEN15 Wrinkle lost to a team with two players on a bye week - don't you have any integrity for yourself?!?

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups wins... RIGHT!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (3-3) v Solo Driving Asians (2-4)

Everybody get out of the f*cking road - the Asians are steam-rolling after a big victory! They ain't stopping for red lights and they are looking for head basketball coaches on the verge of massive heart attacks! Great week from Watson and Drake really capped everything off with the last garbage touchdown. Between Watson and Drake the Asians scored more than 80% of the ARBL's starting lineup. Let's just chalk this one up to a head coach showing his dominance, amirite?

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins... WRONG!!

Season: 23-19 B1

Mystery Guest: 21-21

Week 6 Predictions

 There were a few big things that happened this past week....

- Multiple trades were made.... who doesn't love a good Trading Day? "King Kong ain't got shit on me!"

- A team has remained undefeated through the first 5 weeks. In 2019, the longest undefeated start to the season was until week 3. In 2017, the final remaining undefeated team dropped in week 4. However, in 2018 - Steady Diet was able to last until week 9 until they took their first loss. What is something each of these years had in common? Each of the longest lasting undefeated teams all failed to hoist the championship trophy at the end of the year - will TD's break that trend?!?

Let's talk about the trades....

iTouchdown There was active this week, appearing in both trades. In one trade he received Dalvin Cook and sent away DeAndre Hopkins. In aspects of the trade it is pretty fair - you are dealing with top tier players in each of their positions and essentially dealing with preference. 

In the second trade he dealt away Melvin Gordon and Diontae Jordan for DJ Chark and Tyler Lockett. Once again, dealing with preference and if you consider both trades, it essentially looks like....

Hopkins/Gordon/Jordan for Cook/Chark/Lockett

When you put it like that - I would say iTouchdown There came out on top. He was able to wrangle a top running back - even though he is out this week and next (injury and bye) and also get some depth at the WR spot. The big question of all of this is going to be Gordon and whether or not he can remain the workhorse once Lindsay get healthy. I know we have an undefeated team and they may have just won the belt - but if you are going to lose the spotlight to anyone, it is going to be the team that just made some big trades....

Team of the Week

iTouchdown There (2-3)

QB: Kyler Murray

Kyler Murray is the quarterback for a team that is constantly looking to score points. Prior to the trades a stack of Murray/Hopkins was present on the team, but it was not necessarily leading to wins. Murray is the 5th ranked QB and has yet to score less than 20 points in a given week. All you really need from your QB is consistency and that is exactly what Murray provides.

RB: Dalvin Cook, Justin Jackson, Darrynton Evans, Nick Chubb, Damien Harris

This group looked far worse prior to the trades - but the addition of Dalvin Cook has solidified this group of running backs. Chubb has been on IR and if he is able to return before the end of the season and Cook/Chubb combination could be a pretty good tandem.

WR: AJ Brown, Jamison Crowder, Parris Campbell, Tyler Lockett, DJ Chark

There is a lot of depth in this group of receivers. Brown/Lockett/Chark are more than likely going to be the rotating receivers - especially with Campbell on the IR and Crowder playing for the Jets. The only issue is the fact that Chark and Lockett, while they sit 32nd and 10th respectively, they have tendencies to have inconsistent showings. If the manager is able to pick the right weeks - this could be a very solid group of receivers.

TE: Robert Tonyan, Mike Gesicki

Every team has a weak point - this is it for iTouchdown. Gesicki did have a nice week 2 - but outside of that week he has posted 3 weeks of less than 9 points and an average of 7.7 points per week. If Gesicki does happen to get hot and have a good run of games - this team will be very difficult to beat. Luckily for everyone else in the league, we are still talking about Mike Gesicki.

DEF/K: Steelers/Justin Tucker

Steelers defense is a terrific defense in the NFL. The only problem is when it comes to fantasy football - you want to be in a terrible division, and the AFC North is one of the best divisions in football. This means you will have a great defense play offenses that have the ability to score - which lowers your value as a defense. Tucker also happens to be a great kicker - but also plays in the AFC North. Tucker also plays in Baltimore, which is not a stadium. Hopefully this will not affect his play - but it surely can not help it!

Matchup of the Week

Ankle Holster* (1-4) v Asymmetric TDs* (5-0)

What a matchup we have in the MotW - the top and bottom of their division... The Showers (one can only assume the name fits). Some might be asking themselves - why is this the MotW?!? This is the first time this season we have had two belt winners face off - it just happens to be that one of them only has one win  (when he was able to lock up the belt). Sounds like a "Most Interesting Man" commercial.... "I don't win often in fantasy football, but when I do win - I win the belt"

QB: Mahomes v Brady

Mahomes has the much tougher matchup (Bills defense), but let's be honest - this is Pat "MFin'" Mahomes. Is anybody going to ever say he is losing a matchup? Nah baby nah - Advantage Mahomes

RB: Gibson/Davis v Gurley/Mattison

This is the type of bullsh*t we get when you have an NFL season riddled with injuries and then the bye weeks begin to strike. It is amazing to me, that all four of these players are actually scoring and should receive the majority of the work. Three of these guys should never even be on fantasy team had it not been for injuries or releases. Whatever, it is what it is.... Advantage Gibson/Davis

WR: McLaurin/Brown v Kupp/Landry

Kupp and Landry are much more known - but that isn't to say they are hands down the better receivers. Not too mention, Landry is facing off against a tough Pitt defense. However, Brown did not play on Tuesday and even if he does play this week - it would be interesting to see how the Bills respond to having played on Tuesday night. Advantage Kupp/Landry

TE: Gronkowski v Doyle

Gronk is freaking crazy - the dude looks like he just woke up from a 3-night bender, snorted a few lines of cocaine and decided he was going to knock some skulls around. On the other hand, Doyle is that locker room guy that invites the whole team over for some barbecue, cornhole, and homemade tofu dogs. In the game of football - give me the cocaine sniffing, frat boy everytime. Advantage Gronkowski

FLEX: Johnson v Edelman

Let me put it to you this way, there is no chance I am going to call myself a guru and then pick a player that has had his team go through COVID protocols, miss games and miss valuable practice time. I may be wrong when I say that Johnson has the advantage - but it would look far worse if I were to pick Edelman and be wrong, even though he is like a Mini Gronk. Advantage Johnson

DEF/K: ?/Sanders v Colts/Gonzalez

F*ck it, I don't care who Ankle Holster picks up - Advantage Colts/Gonzalez.

Prediction: Ankle Holster wins

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins and takes back the belt!

Dixie Normous (2-3) v Penis Fly Trap (3-2)

There are times in life when you just have to realize that you just don't got what it takes. Maybe, you aren't tall enough; maybe you aren't fast enough; maybe you aren't packing enough heat; maybe your fantasy football sucks. Then there are time in life when you just have to stick to your guns and bet on yourself every single time. Since I know I am clearly packing enough heat - I guess I might as well bet on myself every single time! I know that in virtually every single matchup I should lose - but I will be damned if I don't go down swinging!

Prediction: Penis Fly Trap wins

Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous wins

Hernandez Hit Men (3-2) v iTouchdown There (2-3)

iTouchdown There made some big trades this week - were they for short term benefits? No, the man is playing the long game - and it could work out, but he needs to make that far in order for it to pan out. As of right now, things are not looking good. Cook is out this week, Lockett and Jackson are on bye weeks, and Chubb and Campbell are still on IR. It would take a lightning strike and a ton of luck for iTouchdown to take down HHM - especially considering should be contending for the belt this week; in fact...

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men wins... and takes down the belt this week!

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men wins

3rd and 41* (2-3) v 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (3-2)

2G1C could be a very deadly team in the playoffs - Diggs, OBJ, Kelce, MThomas - not a bad group of pass catchers. If Chubb stays down and Hunt continues to be the guy Cleveland, this may be the team to beat. However, until Thomas comes back - there are still a few holes that need filled in this lineup and 3rd and 41 might be catching them just early enough to avoid the dreaded lineup that could be. This is a big week for 3rd and 41 and a win this week would pull them back to .500 and help set them up to make a run at the playoffs.

Prediction: 3rd and 41 wins

Mystery Guest: 3rd and 41 wins

PEN15 Wrinkle (2-3) v Bluffton Backup Backups (2-3)

Honestly, I don't really know what to say about PEN15. I feel bad for the guy; his fantasy team sucks, he real teams sucks, he sucks. I don't want to beat a horse while it is down - but you might consider bleeding out at this point, it might be better than watching your fantasy/NFL team. Just saying....

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups wins

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (3-2) v Solo Driving Asians (1-4)

Well, well, well - look who welcomes Deandre Hopkins to their starting lineup! Just in time for Solo Driving Asians to face-off against him! ARBL has had a strong team throughout the season and they may have only gotten stronger with that trade taking place. As it stands, ARBL has no starting player outside the top 20 (defense doesn't count) - only one other team can lay claim to that same statement. There must be something about head football coaches, maybe they are just busier during this time of the year - hey, what am I saying... The head football coach won the league in 2017 thanks to pre-injury Todd Gurley. It is a shame you don't have that luck this year....

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins

The J-Bones ** (3-2) v Remember the Redskins (4-1)

This is the only matchup that faces two teams with winning records - and it was going to be the MotW, but when you take a closer look this matchup is really just a waste of a matchup between two top teams.

Both these teams are missing their QBs - both of whom have been playing outstading! Dak is done for the year, luckily Wilson is just on a bye week. However, with the bye week and injuries RtR is looking 6 players being out this week. That is nearly an entire second team - yikes. The J-Bones will be missing Prescott and Jacobs, luckily they do welcome back Aaron Jones. Jones is going to need to have a big week to keep The J-Bones from dropping down to .500. It is also scary to note that RtR will be welcoming back Run CMC soon - which only makes his team that much stronger, The J-Bones better get that win now...

Prediction: The J-Bones wins

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones wins

I wish you all good luck, except for you Dixie Normous - may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash, eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

Week 5 Results

I am sitting in a cold room waiting for out professional development bullsh*t to start - I can't tell you the excitement that is building inside of me. I am about to burst with a ball of joy! YIPPPEEEEE!

Isn't this what we all look forward to as teachers, completely useless time - learning stuff that most competent 4th graders already know. I feel like a professional. 

No matter what happens, I still feel more accomplished during this bullsh*t than I do as a fantasy football manager. This is the exact conversation I had with a colleague earlier this morning....
"How is your fantasy team looking?"

"Awful, I can't score any points!"
"Ouch, have you been dealing with injuries?"
"Nope."
"Dang... have you had players miss games?"
"Nope."
"Hahah, well what is the issue?"
"Management."

And that is where the conversation ended - he sensed the bitterness in my voice. So now I am forced to write this blog about a league with my sh*tty team, in this cold ass room waiting for PD to start, and I am all out of Bang! You might as well drizzle Ranch dressing all over me, on to the matchups.....

Matchup of the Week

Bluffton Backup Backups (2-3) v Asymmetric TDs* (5-0)

Hot Dang! Is someone going to beat the titties? Not only are they a marvelous part of the anatomy - but the fantasy team ain't that bad!

QB: Jackson v Mahomes

If you didn't know Mahomes has clearly established himself as the not only the better actual QB, but also the better fantasy QB. I am not sure Jackson is even in the top 3 or 4 at the moment. Mahomes has made it very clear, he is the future on both facets.

RB: Sanders/Singletary v Kamara/Gurley

Gurley must have heard that I didn't mention his name is the predictions post (see "Solo Driving Asians" post). He went off and he ended up outscoring everyone in this matchup. Kamara had a down week and only was able to score 19.9 - just think about that, he had a down week and scored 19.9 points. Yeah, dat boi goooood!

WR: Woods/Allen v Kupp/Landry

In a close matchup, Woods and Allen were able to score slightly better than Kupp and Landry. Woods is going to be up and down, but he was able to out duel Kupp. The bigger surprise is the fact that Herbert threw 4 touchdowns and Allen was only able to score 10 points - typically he will score higher with the QB output like that.

TE: Engram v Olsen

Everyone saw this going exactly as it played out. Engram out performed Olsen, but it wasn't by much and it really only depended on whether or not Olsen could secured a touchdown pass. The only problem is, he doesn't get many targets - so it is a looooooong shot.

FLEX: Jones v Williams

Williams was the big benefactor of Herbert's big output. Williams was able to secure a couple touchdown grabs and he pretty much made up for the WR matchup as he was able to score nearly 30 points. Williams is a boom-or-bust and he was definitely a boom this week!

DEF/K: Seahawks/Blankenship v Colts/Gonzalez

Guess who is the leading scorer in the NFL through 5 weeks? Rodrigo Blankenship a.k.a Squints. 

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups wins.... WRONG!!

Penis Fly Trap (3-2) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (3-2)

You know what isn't a good look? Having your starting lineup get beat by the opposing team's bench players. Given the bench players consisted of Chase Claypool, Darrell Henderson, and Carson Wentz. ARBL's bench would have beaten at least 3 other teams this week. Needless to say, this matchup was not close and the worse part is the fact that PFT had their optimal lineup in - could be a long year!

Prediction: Penis Fly Trap wins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins.... RIGHT!!

3rd and 41* (2-3) v Dixie Normous (2-3)

Dixie Normous put the league on notice last week when he lost the belt by less 3 points. This week they take down another big win and they are looking stronger than ever with Elliott going to be the focal point of the Cowboy's offense and Theilen should be the man with Cook sidelined for a little while. Don't look now, but the 2-time defending champ is making a run and actually has a strong team this year!

Prediction: 3rd and 41 wins.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: 3rd and 41 wins... WRONG!!

iTouchdown There (2-3) v The J-Bones** (3-2)

There were a few really close matchups this week - this one wasn't even the closest and it was determined by less than 1 point. I can only imagine the frantic terror that came across iTouch when he discovered that Zach Moss was not playing in the final game of the week and he had to find a way to score .4 points - luckily he was bale to pick up Darrynton Evans - cue the Connor McGregor meme "Who dafuq is that guy?" The J-Bones went from being a top dog to middle of the pack and to add salt to the wound, Prescott decided he going to have his leg bone pop right through his skin. It was an interesting decision on his part, considering this was a contract year and everything - lets see how it plays out! One way is going to involve Dak being sent to the cess pool that is free agency/waiver wire for fantasy purposes.

Prediction: iTouchdown There wins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones wins... WRONG!!

Hernandez Hit Men (3-2) v PEN15 Wrinkle (2-3)

Honestly, this matchup doesn't even deserve to be talked about. The fact that HHM got a win and didn't even break 100 points. I think you should only get half a win this week - nonetheless, you can only beat the person in front of you and that is exactly what HHM did this. Really, really proud of you!

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men wins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle wins... WRONG!!

2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (3-2) v Ankle Holster* (1-4)

Let's just say this, last night at exactly 9:34 p.m. I received a text....

"F*ck fantasy football. I quit. Put that in the f*cking blog."

I will let you guess which owner sent me that text as his wide receiver was held out of action and the opponent's wide receiver happen to score just enough to win by .2 points.

Prediction: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins...  RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins... WRONG!!

Remember the Redskins (4-1) v Solo Driving Asians (1-4)

There are some people that don't believe their actions affect the outcome of games. There are other's that believe their bets, their plays, their decisions affect the outcome of games. If you are on the side of that believes you have no affect on the outcome of games, I call your attention to exhibit A.....

Solo Driving Asians - Is up by 2 points with 30 seconds remaining in the game

9:15 - SDA sends out a a GIF of an Asian lady driving in a group chat

4 minutes later

Wilson drives down the field and throws a touchdown pass to Metcalf.

The aftermath.... RtR wins by 10 points - that touchdown pass was the exact difference between the two teams. 

Did the text cause the comeback? Maybe.... Maybe not.... but it happened.

Prediction: Remember the Redskins wins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Remember the Redskins wins... RIGHT!!

Season Predictions: 19-16

Mystery Guest: 18-17

Well, well, well - my fantasy team may suck - but look who just took the lead and can taste the Bang Energy drinks now!

Week 5 Predictions

The NFL season is a quarter of the way through and we have a pretty good idea of who are the contenders and who are the pretenders. The same can be said for most fantasy football leagues - the puzzle becomes more clear.... typically. However, last week with every 0-3 team winning - the puzzle became more jumbled rather than clear. There remains one unbeaten team and we are all looking up. However, last week showed us that any team is beatable on Any Given Sunday - amirite Pacino?

There are plenty of matchups this week that could make the playoff picture a little clearer.... or muddy the waters a bit more. In the history of the league only one team has ever made the playoffs with 7 losses - The Trashmen in 2017 and that was because of a massive cluster right below him. What this really means... you don't want to have 4 losses in 5 weeks. This is a big week for a few teams, especially as we also enter the first official bye week for NFL teams: Green Bay Packers, Detroit Lions. Let's take a look the matchups....

Matchup of the Week

Bluffton Backup Backups (1-3) v Asymmetric TDs (4-0)

BBB finds itself in the MotW for the 2nd time in three weeks - this time they are facing the only undefeated team in the league. This one should be a good battle and could yield a belt winner (just as the last time BBB was in the MotW). Let's look at the position battles....

QB: LJackson v PMahomes

Take your pick. Both QB's face teams that should oppose zero threat to their respective offenses and both QB's should have their way this week. I do like Jackson slightly better, only because Las Vegas looks like a team that could rely more on the run and try and keep the ball out of Mahomes' hands better than Burrow and the boys. Coin flip

RB: MSanders/DSingletary v AKamara/TGurley

As it stands, Kamara is one of those players that looks like he is not even trying and yet somehow walks away from games with 30 points. He is currently the best player in fantasy football and should dominate a Chargers defense that looks lost without Bosa. Some experts would say that the return of MThomas hurts his value - but I believe it will only make things harder on the defense and Kamara will face less in the box each time he touches the ball. Don't sleep on Sanders and Singletary; however both running backs face teams that are coming off their bye week and should have had plenty of time to prepare. Advantage Kamara/Gurley

WR: RWoods/KAllen v CKupp/JLandry

The Woods v Kupp storyline is very interesting - especially considering, if one receiver gets going the other could find themselves struggling to find targets. However, Allen v Landry is far more compelling in terms of production. Allen is an elite receiver that has dealt with injuries - but when healthy, he is a bonafide top dawg!! Landry is a strong receiver, but he also facing the number one defense in the NFL - that is not bias either, check the numbers. It could be very difficult for Landry to find openings - slight advantage Woods/Allen

TE: EEngram v JCook

Engram might be one of the biggest disappointments in fantasy football this season. He came in with so much promise - but he has dealt with drops, poor offense line, and losing valuable players for defenses to focus on. If he is able to get it going, Engram is in the argument for a top 5 TE - but he has to find a way to get more targets and be far more efficient. Cook is an afterthought in the New Orleans offense. The Saints have no problem giving Kamara or Murray the ball at the goal line and even then if they were to try and throw a fade - it would more than likely go to Thomas rather than Cook. Slight Advantage Engram

FLEX: RJones III v JEdelman

This matchup truly comes down to whether or not Newton plays for the Patriots. Frankly, I do not trust Hoyer or Stidham to get the ball to Edelman. Jones may be apart of a committee, but I would rather have a piece cake (and not the whole thing) than no slice at all. Advantage Jones III

DEF/K: Seahawks/Blankenship v Colts/Gonzalez

There are multiple ways to play fantasy football. Some believe that playing a defense against one your own players is not a wise choice - others say that playing the best defensive option is always the right choice - regardless of who they are facing. Colts defense and Landry at WR - one could do really well and hurt the other, it would seem very unlikely that both would score well. It could happen, but I would not count on it. Rather, I would take my chance with Seattles defense against a Minny offense that has look good 1 out of 4 weeks. Plus, Blankenship will be channeling his inner MXC days and kick at least 47 field goals..... Seahawks/Blankenship

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins

Mystery Guest: Bluffton Backup Backups wins and takes down the belt!

Penis Flytrap (3-1) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-2)

This matchup had an argument to be the MotW - both teams are in the same division and a win for either side would be huge to when it comes to separation. PFT is rocking a risky stack with DJones and DFreeman in the lineup at the same time - NYGiants offense has been abysmal, but they are playing a team that just allowed 49 points last week. A lot is going to be riding on the shoulders of the pass-catchers for PFT; just as a lot will be riding on the shoulders of the running backs for ARBL. This matchup is essentially going to come down to WRs v RBs - and frankly, it could be a coin toss.

Prediction: Penis Flytrap wins
Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins

3rd and 41* (2-2) v Dixie Normous (1-3)

Dixie Normous was the league punching bag in the first three weeks - but after getting a win last week, they now need to find a way to replace Aaron Rodgers. Not only that, they face a team that had the belt won if he had played his optimal lineup. This week Mixon is in the starting lineup for 3rd and 41, which also means Mixon will either get hurt or end up with 4.5 points instead of 45 points. It doesn't matter though, Josh Allen is Thanos on steroids - the man does whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Josh Allen for president and 3rd and 41 for the belt!

Prediction: 3rd and 41 wins and takes down the belt!

Mystery Guest: 3rd and 41 wins

iTouchdown There (1-3) v The J-Bones** (3-1)

This is a huge week for iTouchdown - it can not go understated how important it is to not fall to 1-4. Unluckily, iTouch has fallen to 1-3 on the season even though they have scored the 4th most points in the league. At least this week they face The J-Bones, who is missing Aaron Jones - only the second best running back in fantasy football right now. Let's just say, Duke Johnson isn't exactly gold as a replacement. iTouchdown is the only team with a losing a record that has scored more points for than points against and this week they will look to climb out of the hole...

Prediction: iTouchdown There wins 

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones wins

Hernandez Hit Men (2-2) v PEN15 Wrinkle (2-2)

We have matchup that appears quite one-sided, however there is a few quirks that need to be considered. HHM is still waiting see which QB he will need to place in the starting lineup - Newton or Jimmy G. Either way, the QB situation should be resolved and HHM has a strong chance to win this week. One thing that also should be noted - Henry and Conner are both coming off of their bye week, plenty of rest and time to prepare. Should be a good week for the HHM running backs - look for them to try and make a run at the belt this week.

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men wins

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle wins

2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (2-2) v Ankle Holster* (1-3)

2G1C welcomes back Bell and Thomas to the lineup and I am not holding my breath. Ankle Holster is looking to make their mark after winning belt and attempting to solidify a run of wins. The start of the week (TNF) is going to be a big tell of what is going to happen in this matchup. If Gronk can turn back the clock and Brady can find him in the endzone once or twice - this could totally change the entire matchup. If not, then it is going to ride on the shoulders of Thomas and Bell in their return to the lineup. 2G1C has a good chance grabbing this win, but it is going to come down to whether or not Bell and Thomas can make an impact on their return to the offense.

Prediction: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins

Remember the Redskins (3-1) v Solo Driving Asians (1-3)

Right now this looks like it is going to be a genocide of all the Asians to ever walk the face of the earth. However, SDA still has players he needs to fill in to replace a few bye-week players. Will it help? Nope, not in the slightest. You will have Rudolph and Cowboys defense - should help, but there is only so much you can do with the Dallas defense (pushing Atlanta to see which defense is worse). On the flip side, #LETRUSSCOOK is alive and strong and it is going to take that and then some to grab the win this week. If I were forced to bet, I would take Wilson/Metcalf stack over nearly any combo the Asians have...

Prediction: Remember the Redskins wins

Mystery Guest: Remember the Redskins wins

Mwah

I wish you all good luck, except for Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams - may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash, eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

Week 4 Results

How do you know it is 2020? Is it the fact that the nation's most recent presidential debate resembled a tussle between a brother and sister arguing over who gets the last french fry? Or is the fact that Bane is going to be the most popular Halloween costume? Or even better yet, is the fact women are fighting for equal pay? Absolute asinine. But no, none of these reason are how you know it is the year 2020 - it is the fact that week 4 of the fantasy season is here and not only did one 0-3 team win this week, but every single 0-3 team won. Not only that, the belt winner was none other than.....

Team of the Week

Ankle Holster

Honestly, I am not even sure where to start - I mean from the top to the bottom this team is loaded full of players. Let's take a closer look....

QB: Tom Brady

I guess when you have faith in a guy, you put all your chips on the shoulders of a player who is arguably the greatest to ever pick up a football. The only question is going to be whether or not that old sack of bones is going to be able to stay alive for all 16 games. Brady has plenty of weapons and should himself in plenty of shootouts - which is good for fantasy!

RB: Chris Carson, Mike Davis, David Johnson, Antonio Gibson, Tony Pollard

Looking at this bunch, you would have a hard time figuring out where Ankle Holster drafted. However, when you draft Saquon Barkley and lose him 2 games into the season your running back department is going to take a hit. However, Ankle Holster already had Chris Carson, David Johnson, and Antonio Gibson locked up. Then it just happened to be that his team was awful and they were able to pick up Mike Davis on the waiver wire - funny how that works. This team was complete trash and now they are toting the belt around... effin' 2020 man, effin' 2020.

WR: Terry McLaurin, Hunter Renfrow, Christian Kirk, John Brown, Mecole Hardman, Allan Lizard

There a roughly 3 or 4 white wide receivers that are acceptable to start in fantasy football - Renfrow is not one of them. Outside of McLaurin - it is like playing reverse russian roulette, the chamber is only missing one bullet.

TE: Rob Gronkowski, Dallas Goedert

Well, this is exactly what it looks like... a dumpster fire. How Gronkowski has not been diagnosed with CTE yet absolutely blows my mind. Just look at this face....

That dude looks like a deer getting ready to get dickslammed by a Dodge Hemi - not gonna be a pretty sight when it is all said and done.

DEF/K: Chargers, Mason Crosby

Chargers defense was going to be really good - but then they lost Bosa, the anchor on that front four. Not too mention they have a pretty tough final stretch of the fantasy season in terms of matchups. Crosby is good - but he is just a kicker and is more than likely going to be dropped once his bye week happens - which is this upcoming week.

Matchup of the Week

Assymetric TDs (4-0) v Hernandez Hit Men (2-2)

There was a point when this was going to be a big matchup - but then COVID completely ruined everything, especially for Hernandez Hit Men. When you lose Cam Newton, Derrick Henry, and James Connor all on the same week - what do you do? You thank your lucky stars George Kittle had a huuuuuuuge game and kept you out of the all-time bottom five. What is even crazier - HHM would have beaten a team this week, talk about getting a "bye" week for Asymmetric TDs. TDs also happens to be the only team to remain undefeated - who is gonna be the one to take down the giant!

Prediction: Asymmetric TDs wins... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Asymmetric TDs wins.... RIGHT!!

Remember the Redskins (3-1) v Penis Fly Trap (3-1)

Remember Hernandez Hit Men and how they would have beaten a team this week? Well, that team also happened to be 3-0 and just sh*t the bed. Outside of the Wilson/Metcalf stack, RtR scored around 46 points. The last time I checked, scoring in the 80s is going to result in a loss 94% of the time in this league. That percentage skyrockets to 98% of the time if you remove the miraculous victories from Dixie Normous last season. 

Prediction: Penis Flytrap wins.... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Remember the Redskins wins.... WRONG!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (2-2) v The J-Bones** (3-1)

How do you take down a monster? You hope and pray that the monster doesn't show up. Prescott has been amazing so far this season - partly because the Dallas defense is atrocious and Prescott and the Boys have had to try and keep up with everyone. Aaron Jones made a run for The J-Bones last night, but it just wasn't enough. Wrinkle sneaks out a win and is sitting quietly at .500, enjoying the McKinnon as a nice replacement for Mostert. Not many people are talking about it McKinnon has been a stud this season - scoring a touchdown in every game so far. That, my friends, is consistency!

Prediction: The J-Bones wins.... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: The J-Bones wins... WRONG!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-2) v Dixie Normous (1-3)

Dixie Normous finally gets his first win of the season! I am telling you, do not let this man make the playoffs or we will all regret it! It is good to get the win, but just think how nice it would have been to take down the belt as well. Dixie fell just a mere 2.9 points short of the top score of the week and D. Williams managed to score .2 points. Tsk, Tsk, Tsk! On the flip side, Cook/Robinson/Fuller all did their part - just no support outside of the big three. However, Robinson might have scored 14 points on the final drive for the Bears - it looked ugly until that point. 

Prediction: Dixie Normous wins.... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins.... WRONG!!

Ankle Holster* (1-3) v 3rd and 41* (2-2)

Well.... Ankle Holster got their first win this week, got the belt, and probably avoided disaster all at once. Joe Mixon scored 42 points on the bench for 3rd and 41 and Hill joined him with 16 points on the bench. In all reality, Mixon didn't crack the starting lineup last week - so nobody is really at fault, just dumb luck for Ankle Holster. Apparently, if you want to have a shot at the crown you need to play your own defense against your QB - I will have to add that one to my book. Carson also was checked out for a concussion mid-game and then returned to score his 2nd touchdown. If lady luck was not on the side of Ankle Holster this week, I don't know where she was.

Prediction: 3rd and 41 wins... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins.... RIGHT!!

Solo Driving Asians (1-3) v iTouchdown There (1-3)

There is no better feeling that ending a losing skid and taking down the new guy at the same time! Solo Driving Asians finally get their first "W" of the season and they can finally pop the bottles of champagne - they will not go down like a Brown! Ironically, they can thank a Brown (OBJ) for his huuuuuge week and CeeDee Lamb who had a big week as well. There is still some issues to be handled in the running back department - but they are looking better than iTouch, who just lost Chubb for at least 6 weeks. Things started off well for iTouchdown on TNF with Gordon and Crowder having abnormally big weeks - but after that, it was all Asians. One thing is for sure, the manager of the Asians never lifted enough weight for somebody to make a comment.... amirite? amirite?

Prediction: iTouchdown There wins.... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: iTouchdown There wins.... WRONG!!

Bluffton Backup Backups (1-3) v 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (2-2)

Who would have thought that going into MNF - Chiefs/Patriots and Packers/Falcons that the Chiefs defense would be the top point-getter for 2G1C. Not Travis Kelce, Not Matt Ryan, but the Chiefs Defense?!?! 2G1C needed every bit of it last night as they stormed back and snatched the victory right out of the USB drive that is Bluffton Backup Backups. Both squads scored well in a week that only featured 135 points for the belt - both placed in the top 5 scores for the week.

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins.... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins.... RIGHT!!

Season: 15-13
Mystery Guest: 16-12

Mwah