Week 8 Predictions

 We are just over halfway and that is when the fantasy football season begins to get a little more interesting. It is very similar to most things: once you get about halfway - it starts getting really interesting.

1. Peeing - I should preface this with - in a bottle. We have all done it before, but when you pee in a bottle and it begins to fill up over halfway things get really interesting. You start to panic - looking around for another bottle. How are you going to cut this stream off? You are endanger of spilling out everywhere. 

2. Super Bowls - As a wise old referee once said, "The game doesn't really start until the last 5:00."

3. Drumsticks - The ice cream drumsticks are good - but when you get to the last half and you have the huge chunk of chocolate at the end of the cone, best part of the whole dessert.

4. Sex - Let's be honest, the last half is always more fun - that is if you make it there.

5. Poker Night - Those of you that actually come a play cards may have stuck around every once and a while to the last half of the night. That is when things really start getting crazy; dumb bets, even dumber games - hell, a shirt or two might come off.

As tradition, let's look at the standings and the percentages of making the playoffs...

1. Asymmetric TDs; 5-2; 875.42 points scored; 95% chance of making the playoffs

2. Remember the Redskins; 5-2; 828.62 points scored; 95% chance of making the playoffs

3. Penis Fly Trap; 5-2; 758.88 points scored; 80% chance of making the playoffs

4. Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams; 4-3; 832.02 points scored; 82% chance of making the playoffs

5. 2 Gurleys 1 Cup; 4-3; 765.78 points scored; 80% chance of making the playoffs

6. Hernandez Hit Men; 4-3; 756. 52 points scored; 75% chance of making the playoffs

7. iTouchdown There: 3-4; 910.58 points scored; 75% chance of making the playoffs

8. The J-Bones; 3-4; 872.62 points scored; 45% chance of making the playoffs

9. 3rd and 41; 3-4; 867.56 points scored; 60% chance of making the playoffs

10. Dixie Normous; 3-4; 843.24 points scored; 55% chance of making the playoffs

11. Bluffton Backup Backups; 3-4; 767.8 points scored; 40% chance of making the playoffs

12. Ankle Holster; 3-4; 764.1 points scored; 35% chance of making the playoffs

13. Solo Driving Asians; 2-5; 778.32 points scored; 30% chance of making the playoffs

14. PEN15 Wrinkle; 2-5; 689.49 points scored; 25% chance of making the playoffs

*All percentages are a fabric of my imagination

Let's jump to the matchups....

Matchup of the Week

iTouchdown There* (3-4) v 3rd and 41* (3-4)

In a week that features 3 matchups with teams of winning records, the MotW ends up featuring two high scoring teams that are both in desperate need of a win. iTouchdown just won the belt and narrowly beat 3rd and 41 to do it. Will there be revenge this week? Or will iTouchdown prove once again that he has the dominate team...

QB: Tagovailoa v Allen

Losing Murray this week really hurts, especially when you have a rookie playing for the Miami Dolphins are your replacement. On the flip side, Allen started off the season on fire - but has since cooled off. The Buffalo offense struggled against a NYJets defense and failed to score a touchdown - that is not a good look for anyone. Nonetheless, Allen provides a much higher floor and ceiling and the advantage goes to him.

RB: Jackson/Cook v Mixon/Perine

Just as losing Murray hurt, so does losing Robinson for this week. Robinson has been the backbone of this department for 3rd and 41 and without him Perine is forced to play. Without looking it up, does anybody actually know what that guys first name is? Or who he even plays for? That alone sends the advantage to Jackson/Cook.

WR: Brown/Lockett v Hill/Boyd

Lockett and Hill are both dominate players that can really boom-or-bust. Lockett just had a huuuugge week and more than likely he could be facing the top CB from San Fran. On the flip side, Hill has a friendly matchup with the NYJets. The bigger question is whether or not Hill will play the whole game. However, Brown has been very consistent and is the clearcut number one receiver in Tenn. Boyd has a great young quarterback who is not afraid to throw the ball. Cincy and Tenn face-off this week and the winner of this matchup may also be the winner of that game. Advantage Brown/Lockett

TE: Tonyan/Schultz v Smith/Hurst

Both managers go back and forth between their two TE options. It is going to be a matter of who picks correctly this week. Tonyan has the biggest upside playing in Green Bay and Hurst has a good an offense friendly matchup. My guess is that those two end up playing and in that case - there is no real advantage.

FLEX: A Slew of options v A bevy of selections

These two managers have shown a preference and moving around players to best fit their matchup for the week. Who knows who they will throw in there - but from the looks of their benches, there is no real huge advantage either way. If I were to guess - I would guess it will end up being Harris v Parker or Gage. In that case I am giving a slight advantage to Parker or Gage.

DEF/K: Steelers/Tucker v Bills/Prater

At least for iTouchdown they only have to pay attention to one game to watch both their defense and kicker playing. In this matchup, I like the Bills going against a struggling New England offense and I like Prater going against a tough Indianapolis defense. Indianapolis has shown been a top defense in the league and there should be a few time that Prater will be trotting on the field to attempt a 30-50 yard field goal. Advantage Bills/Prater

Prediction: 3rd and 41 wins

Mystery Guest: iTouchdown There wins

Penis Fly Trap (5-2) v Hernandez Hit Men (4-3)

This matchup could have easily been the matchup of the week - had it not been such a crucial week for two other teams. Both of these teams have winning records and HHM has both of their top running backs already through their bye weeks. HHM looks strong this week and has a good chance at securing the belt - which means PFT is going to be sent packing!

Prediction: Hernandez Hit Men wins.... and takes down the belt this week!

Mystery Guest: Hernandez Hit Men wins

Solo Driving Asians (2-5) v Bluffton Backup Backups (3-4)

There are times in this season when you don't know why, but you just got a feeling. Then there are time when you look at the matchups and just think - this could easily be a blowout. Outside of the quarterbacks, BBB has a advantage at nearly every other position. Singletary/Hines provide a much higher floor than Bell/Brown - the later are both backups. Adams is the best player for either team, but Davis already blew his load last week. Allen and Woods provide a much more consistent scoring. Hockenson is going against the best defense in the NFL and Higgins is going against a top 5 defense. There is going to be some tough sledding for the Asians and this may be the week that pushes them to the brink of elimination.

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups wins

Mystery Guest: Solo Driving Asians wins

Aaron Rodger Blows Llams (4-3) v Asymmetric TDs (5-2)

Wha-wha-wee-wha! What a trade, what a trade! ARBL made a four man trade with 2G1C and it is a big one. ARBL welcomes Michael Thomas - now giving them the best WR group in the league (if all can be healthy and play at the same time). With that group and if Wentz and Montgomery can show-up every week, this will be a team contending for a championship. However, the trade was made with the future in mind, TDs is looking strong this week and is going to make a run at the belt. But be carefule, ARBL is now a team that could be a force in weeks to come.

Prediction: Asymmetric TDs wins

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins

The J-Bones (3-4) v Ankle Holster (3-4)

This might be the worst matchup of the week - although you don't have to scroll down much further to find the other contender. The J-Bones started off on fire, winning the belt two out of the first three weeks. Then everything took a turn for the worse, but this week the ship will be righted. Mainly because Ankle Holster has five players on the bye, three of which are consistent starters and the other two have seen the starting lineup many weeks. This is a crucial week for both teams and a really bad time to have bye week issues...

Prediction: The J-Bones wins

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins.... and takes down the belt!

Dixie Normous (3-4) v PEN15 Wrinkle (2-5)

This is the other contender for worst matchup of the week. At some point you have to feel for PEN15 - the team is just so bad. They lost to a team with two players on the bye, they don't play their real NFL team's players and lose, and now they are forecasted to smacked by Dixie Normous. Is this the week the two-time defending champion starts to make their run for the playoffs and go after a three-peat? It is about that time of the season, look out Bombshells here comes a e-Normous Dick-ie... 

Prediction: Dixie Normous wins

Mystery Guest: Dixie Normous wins

Remember the Redskins (5-2) v 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (4-3)

2G1C just made a big trade and they are looking to secure a big win in a crucial week. Taylor is coming of a bye week and Hunt is looking stronger than ever. Kelce welcomes the Jets and Robinson has a matchup that will more than likely force Chicago to throw the ball - play catchup. On top of that, they are catching RtR right before they welcome back Run CMC. If you are going to beat this team - it better be right now...

Prediction: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins
Mystery Guest: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins

I wish all good luck, except for you Hernandez Hit Men, may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash, eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!