How do you know it is 2020? Is it the fact that the nation's most recent presidential debate resembled a tussle between a brother and sister arguing over who gets the last french fry? Or is the fact that Bane is going to be the most popular Halloween costume? Or even better yet, is the fact women are fighting for equal pay? Absolute asinine. But no, none of these reason are how you know it is the year 2020 - it is the fact that week 4 of the fantasy season is here and not only did one 0-3 team win this week, but every single 0-3 team won. Not only that, the belt winner was none other than.....
QB: Tom Brady
I guess when you have faith in a guy, you put all your chips on the shoulders of a player who is arguably the greatest to ever pick up a football. The only question is going to be whether or not that old sack of bones is going to be able to stay alive for all 16 games. Brady has plenty of weapons and should himself in plenty of shootouts - which is good for fantasy!
RB: Chris Carson, Mike Davis, David Johnson, Antonio Gibson, Tony Pollard
Looking at this bunch, you would have a hard time figuring out where Ankle Holster drafted. However, when you draft Saquon Barkley and lose him 2 games into the season your running back department is going to take a hit. However, Ankle Holster already had Chris Carson, David Johnson, and Antonio Gibson locked up. Then it just happened to be that his team was awful and they were able to pick up Mike Davis on the waiver wire - funny how that works. This team was complete trash and now they are toting the belt around... effin' 2020 man, effin' 2020.
WR: Terry McLaurin, Hunter Renfrow, Christian Kirk, John Brown, Mecole Hardman, Allan Lizard
There a roughly 3 or 4 white wide receivers that are acceptable to start in fantasy football - Renfrow is not one of them. Outside of McLaurin - it is like playing reverse russian roulette, the chamber is only missing one bullet.
TE: Rob Gronkowski, Dallas Goedert
Well, this is exactly what it looks like... a dumpster fire. How Gronkowski has not been diagnosed with CTE yet absolutely blows my mind. Just look at this face....
That dude looks like a deer getting ready to get dickslammed by a Dodge Hemi - not gonna be a pretty sight when it is all said and done.
DEF/K: Chargers, Mason Crosby
Chargers defense was going to be really good - but then they lost Bosa, the anchor on that front four. Not too mention they have a pretty tough final stretch of the fantasy season in terms of matchups. Crosby is good - but he is just a kicker and is more than likely going to be dropped once his bye week happens - which is this upcoming week.
There was a point when this was going to be a big matchup - but then COVID completely ruined everything, especially for Hernandez Hit Men. When you lose Cam Newton, Derrick Henry, and James Connor all on the same week - what do you do? You thank your lucky stars George Kittle had a huuuuuuuge game and kept you out of the all-time bottom five. What is even crazier - HHM would have beaten a team this week, talk about getting a "bye" week for Asymmetric TDs. TDs also happens to be the only team to remain undefeated - who is gonna be the one to take down the giant!
Mystery Guest: Asymmetric TDs wins.... RIGHT!!
Remember the Redskins (3-1) v Penis Fly Trap (3-1)
Remember Hernandez Hit Men and how they would have beaten a team this week? Well, that team also happened to be 3-0 and just sh*t the bed. Outside of the Wilson/Metcalf stack, RtR scored around 46 points. The last time I checked, scoring in the 80s is going to result in a loss 94% of the time in this league. That percentage skyrockets to 98% of the time if you remove the miraculous victories from Dixie Normous last season.
Mystery Guest: Remember the Redskins wins.... WRONG!!
PEN15 Wrinkle (2-2) v The J-Bones** (3-1)
How do you take down a monster? You hope and pray that the monster doesn't show up. Prescott has been amazing so far this season - partly because the Dallas defense is atrocious and Prescott and the Boys have had to try and keep up with everyone. Aaron Jones made a run for The J-Bones last night, but it just wasn't enough. Wrinkle sneaks out a win and is sitting quietly at .500, enjoying the McKinnon as a nice replacement for Mostert. Not many people are talking about it McKinnon has been a stud this season - scoring a touchdown in every game so far. That, my friends, is consistency!
Mystery Guest: The J-Bones wins... WRONG!!
Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-2) v Dixie Normous (1-3)
Dixie Normous finally gets his first win of the season! I am telling you, do not let this man make the playoffs or we will all regret it! It is good to get the win, but just think how nice it would have been to take down the belt as well. Dixie fell just a mere 2.9 points short of the top score of the week and D. Williams managed to score .2 points. Tsk, Tsk, Tsk! On the flip side, Cook/Robinson/Fuller all did their part - just no support outside of the big three. However, Robinson might have scored 14 points on the final drive for the Bears - it looked ugly until that point.
Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams wins.... WRONG!!
Ankle Holster* (1-3) v 3rd and 41* (2-2)
Well.... Ankle Holster got their first win this week, got the belt, and probably avoided disaster all at once. Joe Mixon scored 42 points on the bench for 3rd and 41 and Hill joined him with 16 points on the bench. In all reality, Mixon didn't crack the starting lineup last week - so nobody is really at fault, just dumb luck for Ankle Holster. Apparently, if you want to have a shot at the crown you need to play your own defense against your QB - I will have to add that one to my book. Carson also was checked out for a concussion mid-game and then returned to score his 2nd touchdown. If lady luck was not on the side of Ankle Holster this week, I don't know where she was.
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster wins.... RIGHT!!
Solo Driving Asians (1-3) v iTouchdown There (1-3)
There is no better feeling that ending a losing skid and taking down the new guy at the same time! Solo Driving Asians finally get their first "W" of the season and they can finally pop the bottles of champagne - they will not go down like a Brown! Ironically, they can thank a Brown (OBJ) for his huuuuuge week and CeeDee Lamb who had a big week as well. There is still some issues to be handled in the running back department - but they are looking better than iTouch, who just lost Chubb for at least 6 weeks. Things started off well for iTouchdown on TNF with Gordon and Crowder having abnormally big weeks - but after that, it was all Asians. One thing is for sure, the manager of the Asians never lifted enough weight for somebody to make a comment.... amirite? amirite?
Mystery Guest: iTouchdown There wins.... WRONG!!
Bluffton Backup Backups (1-3) v 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp (2-2)
Who would have thought that going into MNF - Chiefs/Patriots and Packers/Falcons that the Chiefs defense would be the top point-getter for 2G1C. Not Travis Kelce, Not Matt Ryan, but the Chiefs Defense?!?! 2G1C needed every bit of it last night as they stormed back and snatched the victory right out of the USB drive that is Bluffton Backup Backups. Both squads scored well in a week that only featured 135 points for the belt - both placed in the top 5 scores for the week.
Mystery Guest: 2 Gurleys 1 Cupp wins.... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: 16-12
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