Week 4 Predictions

Every so often, something comes along and really shocks. Like, really gets you to the core. This could be a good thing or it could be a bad thing. I just recently read the true story behind the movie The Watcher. Ohhhhh buddy, that sh*t would mess me up. I will give you a quick synopsis...

Couple moves into dream home.

Couple receives letters in the mail about someone watching them.

Couple receives letters in the mail about someone watching them and also gives detail about the family.

Couple receives letters in the mail about someone watching them, giving details about the family, and mentions how the house is excited for the "young blood that was brought it."

Yup, effffff that - I am outta there. Not to mention, I read the entire article thinking there was a conclusion - nope. The Watcher has yet to be found (at least in the article that I read). Sooooo, some creepy f*ck is out there watching families and then sending letters telling them that he/she is watching them. I would lose my mind.

You know what else would make me lose my mind? If my team doesn't find a way to win any time soon....

Matchup of the Week

ETN out your Grandma* (2-1) v Gruden Email Editor (2-1)

The MotW came down to this matchup and one other, however this matchup has an enormous impact on the race for the Monkey Pox division title. Both of these teams are tied at the top and the winner of this matchup will take a stronghold over the other. This matchup is also extremely close, but I am going in favor of ETN, solely based upon some of their matchups this week. Outside of Wentz - every other matchup is in favor of the ETN's player. If Gruden is to have a chance, they are going to need a big game from either Waddle or Samuel. The issue is that Waddle is banged up and Samuel is going against the Rams. I am taking the favorable matchups for ETN...

Prediction: ETN out your Grandma

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma

Ayahuasca Dreamer (0-3) v The Cochness Monsters (0-3)

There are two ways to look at this matchup: Someone has to win and Someone has to lose. You might be saying to yourself, "Those are the same thing." Nah, there is actually a vast difference. When someone wins, they are back in the race to make the playoffs. The entire season is changed for that team - they can easily claw their way back into the league. However, when someone loses - it solidifies their position as the worst team in the league and it is a large uphill battle from the bottom.

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters

Mystery Guest The Cochness Monsters

Hoosier Daddy?* (1-2) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-1)

Hoosier Daddy has been known to score points, but always struggle to get into the playoffs. This year is no different, they are the highest scoring 1-2 team and they have a possible NFL MVP favorite on their squad. In this particular matchup, Llams is going to have some trouble. Montgomery is already questionable, and Stafford/Kupp play a formidable San Fran defense. Look for Jefferson to return to form for Hoosier and they take this win and work their back to the top of the division.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams 

The J-Bones (1-2) v OBJs in the Stands (2-1)

How crazy is it that the number 1 DDA rank team has only managed one win? On top of that they failed to top 105 points twice so far this season. Will they drop to 1-3 this week? The J-Bones arguably have the best running back department, but can Drake London pull his weight and help the cause? To be honest, it isn't so much a matter of The J-Bones - but just distrust in OBJs this week. Detroit was able to shut down Jefferson - what do you think they are going to do DK? Tampa Bay is welcoming back more weapons and there may not be as much room for Fournette. Give me the DDA for the win!

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands

Bluffton Backup Backups (2-1) v PEN15 Wrinkle (1-2)

If you don't know, I like the Colts. They need to win this week against Tennessee. BBB has a lot of Colts players. Also, eff you PEN15 Wrinkle.

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle

Watson's Happy Ending (3-0) v Ankle Holster (2-1)

Somehow Ankle Holster is 2-1 and a win this week would move them into a tie for the lead for Happy Ending. They have been the most active team in the league in terms of trades and have also managed to no longer start their first 2 picks.... yet somehow, they have a winning record and are in position to compete for the division lead. It may be due to the amazing start of the season Amon St. B has been having. Now, he is dealing with an injury. I also don't trust the Jets offense and Ankle has two players on their roster. Oh yeah, and who doesn't love a Happy Ending? I know I do.

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Side Set TDs (2-1) v Not Big Red (1-2)

My issue with both of these teams is consistency. TD's is lacking at the running back position - neither starting running back is the best option on their own team. However, TD's has tremendous power at the wide receiver spots. On the flip side, NBR has a roster that you look at you just don't get excited about. Lamb is the best player - but he alone can't carry the load, let alone without Dak Prescott at QB. Based upon the receivers, and the receivers along, I am taking TD's. Plus, it would be a little better NBR kept losing in their first year in the league.

Prediction: Side Set TD's

Mystery Guest: Side Set TD's

As always, good luck to everyone, except for you Ayahuasca Dreamer - may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

With Love

Commish

Week 3 Results

Well, it looks like this week was the upset week in the NFL. Let's look at what Vegas got wrong...

The Carolina Panthers upset the New Orleans Saints.

The Miami Dolphins upset a very good Buffalo Bills team.

The Tennessee Titans upset the Las Vegas Raiders.

The Indianapolis Colts took down Patty Mahomes and Co.

The Jacksonville Jaguars took down an injury-riddled Los Angeles Chargers team.

The Green Bay Packers made Brady look even closer to death than he already does.

The Denver Broncos capped off the night with a a powerful 11-10 victory over San Francisco.

The Dallas Cowboys finished the week off as 1 point underdogs and beat the NY Giants.

If you are doing the math there...

8 out of the 16 games played so far, the dog won outright. Everybody needs to have a little dog in them. If you have never had a dog in you - trust me, it highly underrated. You probably want to start off small though - otherwise they get stuck and people start asking questions. Anyways, I digress.....

Matchup of the Week

Watson's Happy Ending* (3-0) v Hoosier Daddy* (1-2)

Message sent: This is Happy Ending's league. Overall, just not a good week for Hoosier and his receivers - scoring 6.9 points combined, a far fry from the 33.4 points they were projected. Oh yeah, Lamar Jackson is really good at Fantasy Football. When the stars come to play for Happy Ending - this team is going to be tough to beat. Jackson/Henry/Hill were all competing for PRK 1 last year (prior to Henry's injury). This team is loaded and they made their presence known in this MotW.

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy... WRONG!!

The Cochness Monsters (0-3) v ETN out your Grandma* (2-1)

When your teams sucks, there is no hiding it in this league. TCM went from, "I don't think I will lose a single game." after the draft. To not winning a single game... and making trades because of the lack of confidence in the team. It doesn't help that ETN won the belt this week, was it perfect managing from the owner? ETN was only 1.4 points off of his optimal lineup; TCM was 40.5 points off of his optimal lineup. Some people are just better in all facets of life. Ironically, the two storylines talked about in the predictions were won by TCM - yet the war was won by ETN... sometimes you gotta lose a few battles to win the war!

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The Cochness Monsters... WRONG!!

Bluffton Backup Backups (2-1) v The J-Bones (1-2)

This is one of the bigger upsets so far this year - mostly because of how bad the Indianapolis Colts looked and the fact that they were playing the Kansas City Chiefs. Now, I would also say that BBB is getting a bad reputation for "only having" Indianapolis Colts players on his squad - just a play by the media to make his team look bad. When in reality, the addition of Dalvin Cook/Brandin Cooks/Amari Cooper/TJ Hockenson... this starting lineup is not that bad. Now, would anybody take this lineup over The J-Bones over the course of the season - I am not so sure. However, it just takes the right week and the right time to pull off the upset!

Prediction: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-1) v Ayahuasca Dreamer (0-3)

Dreamer is going to struggle as long as the true Ayahuasca Dreamer is struggling (Rodgers). This team is also going to be in trouble with the Swift injury. I made a call to the front office in Detroit and they said there is discussion about shelving Swift until after their bye week. It is never a good thing, when you best player is injured - but this team is currently not deep enough to handle and injury like that. On the flip side, Llams was able to get the win even with Montgomery getting injured. There is a lot of depth through the lineup, but they are going to need bigger weeks from Stafford/Kupp moving forward.

Prediction: Aaron Rodger's Blows Llams... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodger's Blows Llams... RIGHT!!

OBJs in the Stands (2-1) v Gruden's Email Editor (2-1)

Gruden's Email Editor has a very good lineup in terms of depth and star power. Waddle and Samuel each could score 30 any given week; Burrow is eventually going to figure it out and stop being left home alone; and he has good backups to survive the bye weeks (Hopkins and ESKRIDGE). On the flip side, OBJs took their first loss this season and it came in a week when he would have only lost to 3 other teams. Josh Allen is really, really good at football - even in a week when they lost he still had a great game. If he can continue to carry the load for the Bills offense, OBJ just needs consistency from the rest of his lineup.

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands... WRONG!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (1-2) v SideSet TD's (2-1)

This is a nice win for the Wrinkle, and they didn't even need Renfrow - who was ruled out before the game (albeit late). This was one more Elliott touchdown away from going the other way - and that was a lot closer than what most think. The Cowboys offense looked stale and out of sync - but they were able to get the job done, just not by way of Elliott. It is official the Cowboys are in a full-on committee and to be truthful, Pollard might be the better guy in the committee. Either way, TDs has bet big on the Las Vegas air attack (Carr/Adams/Waller) and they are 2-1 and there has not been too much to write home about (outside of Adams in week 1).

Prediction: Side Set TDs... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Side Set TDs... WRONG!!

Ankle Holster (2-1) v Not Big Red (1-2)

Every week there is that one matchup that you just think to yourself, "Really, one of these teams is getting credit for a win?!?!?" Holster had one positional player that outscored their projected points... ONE PLAYER!! These two teams scored more points combined on their bench then on their starting lineup. You two better get your sh*t figured out because I don't want to write about this ridiculous performance.

Prediction: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!

Season Predictions: 12-9

Mystery Guest: 11-10

With Love

Commish

AJB = 56.9

D. Smith = 45.9

J. Williams = 38.3

C. Akers = 18.3

Week 3 Predictions

There are certain dark places that your mind can go when your fantasy team is terrible. Full transparency, I am in the darkest of places. Dante Alighieri wrote a novel about the dark place my mind is in. The craziest part about it, it is only Week 2 - which means I have many more weeks of this sh*t. At some point, it has to turn around doesn't it... DOESN'T IT?!?!?!?

I know plenty of people that have had failures in the beginning, but yet strive to success in the end...

A) Mark Cuban once started a bar (Motley's Pub) when he, himself, was underage. They were busted for underage drinking and allowing a 16-year old to win a wet t-shirt contest. Yet, we now know him as a billionaire who owns his own NBA team.

B) At one point Elon Musk and his company "PayPal" was once voted the worst business of the year. Now, he happens to be the richest man in the world. Not a bad turn around for a guy that named his kid X Æ A-XII.

C) Peter La Fleur, a small-time gym owner with a gambling problem, bets on his rag-tag team to win a child's game. At first they take a morale destroying loss to a beaver tranquilized girl scout. Not to fear, they are able to come back - bet on themself - and win a dodgeball tournament while blindfolded.

D) The Cochness Monsters start off their season 0-2, getting dick slapped by teams. Only to finish the regular season in the playoffs and hoisting the belt twice. They make serious run at the championship and the rest is history.

Now let's get to the predictions...

Matchup of the Week

Watson's Happy Ending* (2-0) v Hoosier Daddy?* (1-1)

This is what MotW's are made out of! These teams are 2 of the top 3 scoring teams through the first two weeks. They are also both belt holders throughout the year. On top of that, they are both projected to score the highest total for the week. At this point Happy Ending has been scoring points without any real help from his RB's - but he also doesn't have a player ranked outside the top 30 in PRK in his starting lineup. This is legitimately a close matchup, but the depth in lineup for Watson's Happy Ending gives him the slight edge.

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy

The Cochness Monsters (0-2) v ETN out your Grandma (1-1)

There is two intriguing story lines with this matchup - the Washington QB (ETN) throwing to the Washington WR (Samuel). Washington plays Philly - a team that gave up yards in bunches to the Detroit Lions, but then held the Minnesota Vikings and Justin Jefferson in check. It will be interesting to see if Philly focuses in on McLaurin, thus leaving Samuel to reap the benefits. If Samuel can match or come close with Wentz, the odds shift dramatically in TCM's favor. The other intriguing storyline is the year long battle between Smith and Brown for Philly. Obviously, each team has their choice and there may or may not have been a side bet on the yearly total... my prediction will tell you where I stand.

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters

Mystery Guest: The Cochness Monsters

Bluffton Backup Backups (1-1) v The J-Bones (1-1)

It is funny how slowly more and more Colts player begin to work their way out of BBB's starting lineup. To be fair, we have all seen how the Colts are playing - it ain't getting any better this week. The J-Bones have a loaded starting lineup and it doesn't help that Indianapolis is playing Kansas City this week. BBB does not have a player ranked inside the top 20 in PRK - that alone should tell you how this is going to go.

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Aaron Rodger's Blows Llams (1-1) v Ayahuasca Dreamer (0-2)

Llams is one of those teams that is full of names that don't necessarily pop out at you - with the exception of Kupp. Yet, in the starting lineup they don't have a player outside the top 25 in PRK. They have performed very well in the first two weeks and Dreamer is in for a world of hurt this week. Dreamer doesn't have a bad receiver either Diggs, but after that there is very little depth. That is where LLams can really blow this matchup out of the water.

Prediction: Aaron Rodger's Blows Llams

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodger's Blows Llams

OBJs in the Stands (2-0) v Gruden Email Editor (1-1)

OBJ is one of the three remaining unbeaten squads in the league. This week they will need to closely watch the injury report as they currently have four (4) normal starters that are questionable to play. If they all play, there is a good chance that OBJ picks up another win. On the flip side, Emails needs some big outings from the pass-catchers this week. Unfortunately, their top point scorer happens to be playing the hottest team in the NFL (Waddle v Buffalo). Tough matchup, look for OBJ to take this one and throw name in the hat for top team in the league.

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands

PEN15 Wrinkle (0-2) v Side Set TD's (2-0)

PEN15 has a team that looks good on paper (Mahomes/Harris/Andrews/Bills DEF/Butker), lots of tier one's. However, they just can't seem to get a win. Typically, when that happens one of two things need to happen - you need to make a trade or you need a slump buster. PEN15 seldom makes trades, sooooooooooo you know what that means - LINE UP THE HEFFERS DANNY, HE'S GONNA EXPLODE! On the flip side, TD's is quietly moving along with a pretty good line-up of pass catchers. How long can he survive with Elliot and Dillion as their primary RB's? At least one more week.

Prediction: Side Set TD's

Mystery Guest: Side Set TD's

Ankle Holster (1-1) v Not Big Red (1-1)

At the time of this writing, these two teams are predicted by ESPN to end in an absolute tie. However, there is a high chance that Herbert may not play and if he does - he is probably not 100%. Does that matter? Nope. NBR is one Hurts kneel down away from being 0-2 and questioning his every life choice. Look around big guy, this is the big leagues - your team looks as dead as Tom Brady's face.

Prediction: Ankle Holster

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

As always, good luck to everyone - except for you ETN out your Grandma, may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

Week 2 Results

Wouldn't it be crazy it fantasy football was like college sports - moreover college football coaching. Let's just imagine it was, let's say that you happen to be one of the teams that is starting off the season 0-2. Stellar performances. Not to fear, this is not just like college football - you are now going to be bought out for $15 million. FIFF*CKINGTEEN MILLION. Let put that in comparison to other things in life...

A) You are taking a dump, like a nice lactose intolerant just had a Reese's Take 5 Blizzard (best thing on the menu). But you stood up before it was done - not to fear in this world you get bought out. Free Reese's Take 5 blizzards for the rest of your life!

B) The first test for your required college course is in 15 minutes - however, the night before you hit the sauce a little too hard and you happen to oversleep. You rush around, throw last night's shirt - with puke still attached - get the test on time, only to find out you know nothing. You inevitably fail miserably... not to fear - you graduate Suma Cum Laude and ace the course - without ever going to a single class again.

C) Bobby Bonilla Day.... if you don't know, now you know.

Some fantasy football owners would benefit greatly from a world like this, myself included. Let's see who needs everything flipped upside down and who is actually living the good life...

Matchup of the Week

Bluffton Backup Backups (1-1) v Side Set TD's (2-0)

There are going to be plenty of weeks like this for BBB - especially if the Colts look as bad as they did this week. I mean, I know they haven't in Jacksonville in a decade - but you don't have to lose like that. The sad part is, Side Set had a terrible week and is still going to end up 2-0. I guess it doesn't matter, as long as you beat the guy you are playing against. To say the MotW was a let down this would be an understatement - but a win is a win.

Prediction: Side Set TD's... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Side Set TD's.... RIGHT!!

The Cochness Monsters (0-2) v OBJs in the Stands (2-0)

This just in... the Buffalo Bills are really good at football. Josh Allen and Company are looking to take souls this year - not just victories. Tennessee defense looked like a bunch of ankle biting third graders trying to keep up with Diggs and his tea-bagging QB. And just because I know everyone is wondering, yes - TCM wins this matchup if they don't make the trade.

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands... RIGHT!!

Gruden's Email Editor (1-1) v The J-Bones (1-1)

Did The J-Bones blow their wad in week 1? Was it managing mistakes - taking of London/Meyers? What happened? Jaylen Waddle happened. In the Baltimore/Miami game there were three 40 point scorers (Waddle/Hill/Jackson), Tua had 38, Andrews had 25. What I am saying is.... you wanted a player in that game. GEE had Waddle and they take down a big win against the number 1 ranked D.D.A team in the league. The J-Bones are falling back down to earth, they need to address the pass catchers on the team... at least the starting lineup.

Prediction: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Gruden's Email Editor... RIGHT!!

Watson's Happy Ending* (2-0) v Ayahuasca Dreamer (0-1)

Remember what I said about the Miami/Baltimore game? Yeah, Happy had two players in that game. Dreamer's squad is already pretty weak in the first place - not a lot of depth in the starting lineup... but Happy didn't have to do him like that. I mean two players beat them on their own. Happy is tired of getting slept on in the ranking and is quickly making sure people in the league know - they are for real. Dreamer needs to make a move or go back to the Zoot Palace and since the manager is known for making little to no moves.... this could be a long year for them.

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Watson's Happy Ending... RIGHT!!

ETN out your Grandma (1-1) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (1-1)

Well, well looks the tuna stank this week from the 75-year old. What else is there to say other than the fact that Carson Wentz was one of your top performers - trust me, as a Colts fan, I know how bad that reality can be. It didn't help that you went against Chubb and Kupp. Kupp is the undisputed king of the receivers and is continuing right where he left off. Chubb is a machine that just churns out yardage and touchdowns. This may be a PPR league, but it doesn't matter to Chubb - that man is consistent and is going to have more big weeks like this.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... RIGHT!!!

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma.... WRONG!!!

Not Big Red (1-1) v Hoosier Daddy?* (1-1)

I am going to be honest, I have sat here thinking how to start the write-up for this matchup and I am at a complete loss for words. To think that the belt holder went down and it all happened in a game where Jalen Hurts scores 33 fantasy points. NBR just happened to have Miles Sanders, who was able to score just over 2 points in the final garbage time drive and edge out Hoosier Daddy. What a way to get your first win of the league! But hey, who am I to talk - I would have only beat two teams this week (sadly, one of those teams will get credit for a win).

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy... WRONG!!

Ankle Holster (1-1) v PEN15 Wrinkle (0-2)

There is no write-up for this matchup, just simply a letter....

Dear Ankle Holster,

You are welcome for the win this week. F*ck You!

With Love,

The Cochness Monsters

Prediction: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!

Season Predictions: 9-5

Mystery Guest: 9-5

With Love

Commish

AJB = 37.4

D. Smith = 15

C. Akers = 8.2

J. Williams = 29.3

Week 2 Predictions

Well, now that week 1 is in the books it is time to overreact - and boy oh boy did someone overreact (it was me). When you have so much promise and hope for your team and they just let you down. It like having a little "business" time (socks on of course) and then she finishes and now you are humping a dead fish. You either gotta close your eyes and starting working through your rolodex or it ain't working. In some rare cases, those you like f*cking fish, you can ride your way through it. In other cases, you really gotta switch it up. Cochness Monsters and Ankle Holster did just that....

TCM Receives: Dak Prescott/Christian McCaffrey

Holster Receives: Justin Herbert/Aaron Jones

Now, there are two ways to look at this. Prescott is hurt and will be out for 6-8 week (although he may not be going on IR) and Holster really needed an answer at QB. Now it was obviously going to cost him, but to help with that cost Aaron Jones comes along for the ride and shows up with cheese curds. Holster gets what he wants (an answer to his QB issue) and still can replace CMC. Trade Winner: Ankle Holster

The other way to look at it... TCM had no way of ever drafting CMC and if he can remain healthy and Baker can get his head out of his ass - CMC should finish as a top 5 RB. That is a very needed asset in this league, but it going to cost TCM a highly valued QB. To soothe that cost, if TCM can ride out the fish that is the injured hand of Prescott - he could return and possibly help down the stretch. Trade Winner: TCM

Oh but wait... it is not over for The Cochness Monsters. The very next day they made a trade for QB Kirk Cousins with Not Big Red. 

TCM Receives: Kirk Cousins

NBR Receives: Damien Harris/Tyler Boyd

In looking at solely this trade - Not Big Red probably wins this trade. Boyd is apart of the air-attack in Cincinnati and Damien Harris is apart of the two-headed backfield in New England. Both could have very good years and both could help out the cause for NBR. This trade was most definitely made out of necessity for TCM - he was going to have to drop a player to pick up a kicker based upon his waiver wire pickups - so he needed to make a trade 2 for 1 and he needed a QB.

In total, the trades look something like this....

TCM Trades: Justin Herbert/Aaron Jones/Damien Harris/Tyler Boyd

TCM Receives: Kirk Cousins/Dak Prescott/Christian McCaffrey

Holster Trades: Dak Prescott/Christin McCaffrey

Holster Receives: Justin Herbert/Aaron Jones

NBR Trades: Kirk Cousins

NBR Receives: Damien Harris/Tyler Boyd 

Either way you look it, these teams flipped her over and switched it up - something some other teams might need to look into.

Enough of this bullsh*t let's get to the predictions...

Matchup of the Week

Bluffton Backup Backups (1-0) v Side Set TD's (1-0)

Ironically, I feel like this happens more often than not, this is the only matchup with two teams undefeated. This is quite the matchup... The Indianapolis Colts v Side Set TD's. This week the Colts have the Jacksonville Jaguars and this should be another friendly matchup. However, the Colts didn't exactly light up the Texans. The Jags did give up 28 points to former Colts QB Wentz and former Trail of Tears. This bodes well BBB, but I don't think it will be enough to stop Side Set as he typically suffers from premature ejaculation. Side Set is going to need another big performance from the pass-catchers and Waller and Adams have the perfect matchup (Arizona). Zona defense just gave up 5 passing touchdowns to Mahomes and you think that if it is anything similar to week 1... Waller and Adams are in for big game.

Prediction: Side Set TD's

Mystery Guest: Side Set TD's

The Cochness Monsters (0-1) v OBJs in the Stands (1-0)

One of these teams looks very different from their starting lineup in Week 1. They have traded for Run CMC and he will need to showcase that he was worth it. They are now starting a new QB (gone with the trade), new RB (part of the trade), new WR (bench), new FLEX (bench), new DEF (waiver wire). On the flip side, BJs is rocking pretty much the same exact lineup. As the old saying goes, "If she's still moanin', you better keep bonin'" To be fair, this matchup truly comes down to whether or not the stars come out to play and TCM picked the right receivers this week. Here is hoping that the early week trade brings the mojo to the Monsters....

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands

Gruden's Email Editor (0-1) v The J-Bones (1-0)

Sometimes when it comes to a write about a matchup it is best to just keep it quick and fast, like most nights - or so I have been told... by a friend... from another state. But seriously, I could write about Samuel is poised for a big stretch of games with Mitchell going down and him pretty much being the best option at any position on offense for San Fran. Or the fact that Burrow is not facing a star-studded defense from Pittsburgh. Or even the fact that the Packers defense face a Chicago offense they are all too familiar with and could end up a top 5 defense this week. Or I could just say, The J-Bones have a really good team and there is not need to say any of that?

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: Gruden's Email Editor

Watson's Happy Ending (1-0) v Ayahuasca Dreamer (0-1)

WHE got their main course in Week 1 with the fresh meat (NBR), but now they are about to get ready for their dessert. If one thing was made clear in Miami, their offense is revolving around Hill. On top of that offense revolving around Hill, Gibson has sneakily become a top-10 RB without the competition of that one guy who got shot jacking off in his car (swore I read it somewhere). The big X-Factor for WHE is M. Thomas and his ability to continually show-up week-in and week-out. Mr. Zoot Palace snagged a stud in Swift, but is he going to get any help from anyone not named Diggs? Rodgers looks helpless with his receivers, Etienne looks to be apart of a committee on a terrible team, and Mooney has Fields throwing him the ball. It is going to take a huge week for Dreamer to win this, one I am not betting on...

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending

Mystery Guest: Watson's Happy Ending

ETN out your Grandma (1-0) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (0-1)

Let's put it this way, ETN has a great team - and they should they got the number 1 overall pick. But this week Stafford/Kupp play Atlanta and frankly I would not want to play the defending Super Bowl champions after they have had 10 days to stew on the embarrassing beatdown Buffalo handed them. Give me Stafford/Kupp for the rebound game against Atlanta...

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma

Not Big Red (0-1) v Hoosier Daddy?* (1-0)

Two thoughts here....

A) NBR has now faced the manager with historically the most wins in the league in week 1 and now will face the manager with historically the most points scored in the league in week 2 - not to mention, the current belt holder.

B) Welcome to the f*ckin' show!

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy

Ankle Holster (0-1) v PEN15 Wrinkle (0-1)

This matchups features two 0-1 teams, but to be fair that is very misleading. Wrinkle dealt with a lot of injuries in Week 1 and faced the eventual belt winner. Wrinkle actually would have beaten 8 other teams in the league, will that happen again? Not with all those Q's. For Holster, this a new team with Herbert at QB and A. Jones a running back. The depth improves for an all-around lineup for Holster.  A lineup that I am in favor of when it comes to matchups. Give me the new and improved Holster squad this week...

Prediction: Ankle Holster

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

As always, good luck to everyone - except for you OBJs in the Stands, may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

With Love

Commish

Week 1 Results

How good does it feel? I mean really, the NFL is back baby! There is nothing better than just relaxing watching the game and talking sh*t with your boys about their team. As my good turtle friend, Whoopi Goldberg, once said on Sister Act, "It is better than sex." Now that is the real question isn't it? Is Fantasy Football and the NFL being back really better than sex? Well, let me tell you - I did a little research...

One articles stated that 73% of relationships actually worsened during the fantasy season (if both partners did partake in fantasy football). Many office fantasy leagues have lost nearly $10,000 in work time. But if you think that is wild, 17% of men and 27% of women preferred tracking the performances of their fantasy football teams over having sex. This was a study done by TheSleepJudge.com - which surveyed 997 people who play fantasy sports.

So is it actually better than sex? Maybe not. Am I shocked by some of these numbers? Nope. Is it more alarming that these numbers don't shock me? Yes, yes it is. Would I be one of those 17% of men? Nah girl, roll over and give cave to spelunk - but we are done you best believe I am looking at the scores and seeing how everything is going. We ain't cuddling, we ain't pillow talking - unless you want to look at some numbers and stats. 

Speaking of numbers and stats... let's look at the scores.

Matchup of the Week

The J-Bones (1-0) UNPAID v The Cochness Monsters (0-1)

I think the biggest blunder this week has to be the receiving group for TCM. Smith and Robinson combined for 2.2 points and there was 21.2 (Anderson), 19.2 (Samuel), and 13.3 (Boyd) chilling on the bench. Would it have mattered? Probably not. Either way, The J-Bones have a good team and they will continue to beat teams as the season progresses. Barkley is an absolute stud... when healthy. If he can stay healthy, he has the talent and opportunity to finish inside the top 3 running backs. The J-Bones may have found themselves a real gem there. The J-Bones came into the season as the D.D.A. number 1 ranked team... and they lived up to the hype.

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones.... RIGHT!!

Side Set TD's (1-0) v Gruden Email Editor (0-1)

Side Set TD's is known for starting out strong and then trying to coast his way into the playoffs. Based upon the D.D.A. rankings, this matched turned out as it should. Wilson played mediocre, but really started turning it on at the end, Denver just couldn't punch it in. The big point getters for Side Set was the receivers, but will this stay sustainable without any real output from the RB position? Doubtful. On the other side, Emails had a week where nobody really had a stud-like performance. It didn't help that Packers defense scored zero points and Dawson Knox might as well have. The real big hit was the fact that Burrow kept throwing the ball Chase's way and it pretty much negated any ground that could have been gained.

Prediction: Side Set TD's... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Gruden's Email Editor.... WRONG!!

Ayahuasca Dreamer (0-1) v ETN out your Grandma (1-0)

In what turned out to be the closest matchup of the week, ETN squeaks out a win against the Shaman. Diggs and Swift look really good for Dreamer, but Rodgers is 100% regretting his decision to leave the Zoot Palace. He looks like he is going to struggle all season, especially if Lizard gets/remains hurt. I mean, just look at his press conference...

Prediction: ETN out your Grandma... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma... RIGHT!!

Watson's Happy Ending (1-0) v Not Big Red (0-1) UNPAID

As stated earlier in the predictions, WHE's manager just knows how to win. To be fair, this week was just about as rough a week for NBR's pass catchers as it was for Cochness Monsters. Not Big Red is going to have to find a solution, otherwise there is going to be trouble in paradise in his inaugural season. Happy Ending has a few studs, maybe one or two too many. Michael Thomas was on the bench, but do you start him over Hill or Johnson? J-Rob had a good game and is looking like he will be involved in his offense, but once again do you start him over Henry/Gibson/Hunt? One thing I know, this team will be closely monitoring matchups and will have some tough decisions to make throughout the season.

Hey Not Big Red.... Welcome to the F*ckin' Show!

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Not Big Red.... WRONG!! 

Bluffton Backup Backups (1-0) v Ankle Holster (0-1)

You know what isn't a good sign for Bluffton Backup Backups? The Colts tying the the Texans. Yet somehow, BBB is able to beat Ankle Holster. Holster's best player was a child mummy that helped Ben Stiller get all the animals back in the museum - that definitely is not a good sign. CMC looks like he is wishing Baker stayed in Cleveland - a QB who is always looking to make the big play and seldom dumps it down. If not for a TD, CMC would have been in the single digits - a strong move away from the running back who was averaging 30 points a season. On the flip side, MPJ looks like the exact type a receiver that Matt Ryan likes to target. BBB topped 100 points, and half his team finished in a tie ball game and 6 of his 9 starters finished in a tie. That has to be some kind of record.

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster.... WRONG!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (0-1) v OBJs in the Stands (1-0)

When it comes to stacked QB/WR these two teams have pretty good ones. This week Allen/Davis outshined Stafford/Kupp - although Kupp looks to be the clear favorite target of Stafford. Chubb had his casual game of scoring in the mid-teens recording one reception and eating up millions of yards. But there might be some trouble ahead for the Llams if Stafford can get his head on straight. On the flip side, BJs had consistent showings with the big output from Allen. Ironically, Kamara is the low point getter for the starting lineup - that has to be encouraging for the upcoming weeks!

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands... RIGHT!!

Hoosier Daddy?* (1-0) v PEN15 Wrinkle (0-1) UNPAID

The 2nd option for the MotW did not disappoint. Both team's had players scoring in the 30's and both teams had players in the 20's. However, Wrinkle is the team that will be facing the injury bug after this week. Harris and Mitchell both were hurt in week 1 - Mitchell was seen leaving the locker room in a large brace. Daddy has the top TE in the league and what appeared to be the top WR (Jefferson... for anyone that turned the game off early). Jefferson ran wild all-over the field and the Vikings are going to be scheming ways to get their playmaker the ball any way they can. This is why this may not be the first time that Hoosier wins the belt for the week - the team has plenty of big time play-makers and he could leave a path of destruction in his wake!

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy... RIGHT!!

Season Predictions: 5-2

Mystery Guest: 4-3

With Love

Commish

AJB = 25.5

D. Smith = 0 (eff this guy!)

C. Akers = 0

J. Williams = 19.8