Week 1 Results

How good does it feel? I mean really, the NFL is back baby! There is nothing better than just relaxing watching the game and talking sh*t with your boys about their team. As my good turtle friend, Whoopi Goldberg, once said on Sister Act, "It is better than sex." Now that is the real question isn't it? Is Fantasy Football and the NFL being back really better than sex? Well, let me tell you - I did a little research...

One articles stated that 73% of relationships actually worsened during the fantasy season (if both partners did partake in fantasy football). Many office fantasy leagues have lost nearly $10,000 in work time. But if you think that is wild, 17% of men and 27% of women preferred tracking the performances of their fantasy football teams over having sex. This was a study done by TheSleepJudge.com - which surveyed 997 people who play fantasy sports.

So is it actually better than sex? Maybe not. Am I shocked by some of these numbers? Nope. Is it more alarming that these numbers don't shock me? Yes, yes it is. Would I be one of those 17% of men? Nah girl, roll over and give cave to spelunk - but we are done you best believe I am looking at the scores and seeing how everything is going. We ain't cuddling, we ain't pillow talking - unless you want to look at some numbers and stats. 

Speaking of numbers and stats... let's look at the scores.

Matchup of the Week

The J-Bones (1-0) UNPAID v The Cochness Monsters (0-1)

I think the biggest blunder this week has to be the receiving group for TCM. Smith and Robinson combined for 2.2 points and there was 21.2 (Anderson), 19.2 (Samuel), and 13.3 (Boyd) chilling on the bench. Would it have mattered? Probably not. Either way, The J-Bones have a good team and they will continue to beat teams as the season progresses. Barkley is an absolute stud... when healthy. If he can stay healthy, he has the talent and opportunity to finish inside the top 3 running backs. The J-Bones may have found themselves a real gem there. The J-Bones came into the season as the D.D.A. number 1 ranked team... and they lived up to the hype.

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones.... RIGHT!!

Side Set TD's (1-0) v Gruden Email Editor (0-1)

Side Set TD's is known for starting out strong and then trying to coast his way into the playoffs. Based upon the D.D.A. rankings, this matched turned out as it should. Wilson played mediocre, but really started turning it on at the end, Denver just couldn't punch it in. The big point getters for Side Set was the receivers, but will this stay sustainable without any real output from the RB position? Doubtful. On the other side, Emails had a week where nobody really had a stud-like performance. It didn't help that Packers defense scored zero points and Dawson Knox might as well have. The real big hit was the fact that Burrow kept throwing the ball Chase's way and it pretty much negated any ground that could have been gained.

Prediction: Side Set TD's... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Gruden's Email Editor.... WRONG!!

Ayahuasca Dreamer (0-1) v ETN out your Grandma (1-0)

In what turned out to be the closest matchup of the week, ETN squeaks out a win against the Shaman. Diggs and Swift look really good for Dreamer, but Rodgers is 100% regretting his decision to leave the Zoot Palace. He looks like he is going to struggle all season, especially if Lizard gets/remains hurt. I mean, just look at his press conference...

Prediction: ETN out your Grandma... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma... RIGHT!!

Watson's Happy Ending (1-0) v Not Big Red (0-1) UNPAID

As stated earlier in the predictions, WHE's manager just knows how to win. To be fair, this week was just about as rough a week for NBR's pass catchers as it was for Cochness Monsters. Not Big Red is going to have to find a solution, otherwise there is going to be trouble in paradise in his inaugural season. Happy Ending has a few studs, maybe one or two too many. Michael Thomas was on the bench, but do you start him over Hill or Johnson? J-Rob had a good game and is looking like he will be involved in his offense, but once again do you start him over Henry/Gibson/Hunt? One thing I know, this team will be closely monitoring matchups and will have some tough decisions to make throughout the season.

Hey Not Big Red.... Welcome to the F*ckin' Show!

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Not Big Red.... WRONG!! 

Bluffton Backup Backups (1-0) v Ankle Holster (0-1)

You know what isn't a good sign for Bluffton Backup Backups? The Colts tying the the Texans. Yet somehow, BBB is able to beat Ankle Holster. Holster's best player was a child mummy that helped Ben Stiller get all the animals back in the museum - that definitely is not a good sign. CMC looks like he is wishing Baker stayed in Cleveland - a QB who is always looking to make the big play and seldom dumps it down. If not for a TD, CMC would have been in the single digits - a strong move away from the running back who was averaging 30 points a season. On the flip side, MPJ looks like the exact type a receiver that Matt Ryan likes to target. BBB topped 100 points, and half his team finished in a tie ball game and 6 of his 9 starters finished in a tie. That has to be some kind of record.

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster.... WRONG!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (0-1) v OBJs in the Stands (1-0)

When it comes to stacked QB/WR these two teams have pretty good ones. This week Allen/Davis outshined Stafford/Kupp - although Kupp looks to be the clear favorite target of Stafford. Chubb had his casual game of scoring in the mid-teens recording one reception and eating up millions of yards. But there might be some trouble ahead for the Llams if Stafford can get his head on straight. On the flip side, BJs had consistent showings with the big output from Allen. Ironically, Kamara is the low point getter for the starting lineup - that has to be encouraging for the upcoming weeks!

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands... RIGHT!!

Hoosier Daddy?* (1-0) v PEN15 Wrinkle (0-1) UNPAID

The 2nd option for the MotW did not disappoint. Both team's had players scoring in the 30's and both teams had players in the 20's. However, Wrinkle is the team that will be facing the injury bug after this week. Harris and Mitchell both were hurt in week 1 - Mitchell was seen leaving the locker room in a large brace. Daddy has the top TE in the league and what appeared to be the top WR (Jefferson... for anyone that turned the game off early). Jefferson ran wild all-over the field and the Vikings are going to be scheming ways to get their playmaker the ball any way they can. This is why this may not be the first time that Hoosier wins the belt for the week - the team has plenty of big time play-makers and he could leave a path of destruction in his wake!

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy... RIGHT!!

Season Predictions: 5-2

Mystery Guest: 4-3

With Love

Commish

AJB = 25.5

D. Smith = 0 (eff this guy!)

C. Akers = 0

J. Williams = 19.8