Week 12 Results

Hope you all enjoyed your break - enjoyed your family - enjoyed eating food. Now for some of you returning back from break has no joy... 4 more weeks of hell and no fantasy football to look forward too. The others have something that they can use as a bit of an escape - who doesn't love a nice escape?

My top places I use as an escape:

5. Boots Barn - an unusual place at first glance. Can you imagine if I just randomly showed up in the Barn at random times of the day - just eating pistachios off the ground. In actuality, it is the place I go for cards.

4. Video Games - I seldom play video games, but it when it happens... I tend to get trapped. I lose concept of time and I end up playing for like 2 hours at a time. I get done playing and the entire day has been wasted.

3. Bedroom - This is where I tend to escape for about two minutes... mainly because our internet takes awhile to load up my favorite site... but after that, it is a quick 30 seconds max.

2. Golf Course - 9 months out of the year this is where I find myself most of the time. Ironically, I end up more frustrated than relaxed on the course... but hey who said escapes needed to be relaxing?

1. Bathroom - A Man's Throne. If you don't escape here, do you even belong in this league? Who doesn't love a nice line-up toilet tinker. Hell, sometimes I will just sit in the there - knowing full-well it is the one place that nobody will bother me. 

On to the matchups....

Matchup of the Week

OBJs in the Stands** (5-7) v Not Big Red* (6-6)

Hello Miles Sanders... way to really set NBR up for a nice win this week... and one that was needed! Currently, there is a big difference between 6-6 and 5-7 and NBR is sitting on the better half. It was just a solid consistent week for NBR and they were able to post the 2nd highest score of the week. On the flip side, OBJ got what they needed from Allen/Metcalf/Watson (they were right about him taking the lead role). However, Kamara has now struggled the past 4 weeks - never scoring more than 13 points and averaging less than 10 points. On top of that, OBJ is now in a must-win situation for the playoff push and Kamara faces a tough Buccs defense and then has the bye in week 14 - will we see a possible move?

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands... WRONG!!

The Cochness Monsters (5-7) v Side Set TDs (7-4)

You want to talk about a crazy win... TCM needed it bad this week and Josh Jacobs delivered. The Oakland running back had an 86 yard touchdown run in overtime to finish with 48.3 points on the week. On top of that, Herbert had a good game.... in fact if you looked at the matchup after the one o'clock games Titties had this one wrapped up. Then during the 4 o'clock games TCM scored 100+ points and sealed the deal. This is huge win for TCM... keeping their playoff hopes alive and Titties now has to wait another week to lock-up their playoff spot.

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Side Set TDs.... WRONG!!

ETN out your Grandma** (6-6) v Watson's Happy Ending** (9-3)

At this point, it if Happy Ending continue to win - the 1 seed is in their control. No one can catch them if they win out... but one slip up and there are a couple teams waiting to surpass them. It was a fairly consistent showing this week for everyone except for the NFC North (Lazard/Chicago Defense). However, it didn't really matter this week - ETN struggles when Taylor struggles.... especially when Fields doesn't play. As it stands ETN will now have back-to-back weeks not breaking 90 points. It is going to be tough to fight for a playoff spot with those showings.

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma... WRONG!!

Gruden Email Editor* (7-5) v Bluffton Backup Backups (6-6)

Well, it looks like the Douche Goof may have just popped. They are still technically in the race - but did anyone watch MNF?? Indianapolis looks bad! It is amazing that BBB actually won 6 times... but hey even balloons can get inflated with hot air. On the flip side, Hopkins and Thielen had good weeks and Walker is always solid. The big issue is going to be Samuel and what happens with his hamstring injury. Will there be a move or will Email Editor stay firm and try and hold on?

Prediction: Gruden Email Editor... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Gruden Email Editor.... RIGHT!!

Ayahuasca Dreamer (6-6) v Hoosier Daddy**** (8-4)

Who wants to play Hoosier Daddy? Not me... not Ayahuasca Dreamer... not anyone in this league. They hold the most belts of the league and they are easily the hottest team in the league. Kelce is the odds on favorite for Fantasy MVP and Hurts might just be the steal of the draft. Think about this... they traded away Justin Jefferson and their lineup may have gotten stronger. At this point, it is their league to lose. On the flip side, this is huge loss for Dreamer dropping to 6-6 and missing out on an opportunity to really lock-up a place in the playoffs.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy... RIGHT!!

The J-Bones (6-6) v PEN15 Wrinkle (4-8)

This is a crucial win for The J-Bones... and one that needed to happen other wise things would not have looked good for them down the stretch. After losing to Ankle Holster last week, this was a must win week and on top of that it knocks PEN15 out of the race for eight. Other than that, a playoff matchup including Ekeler and Barkley on the underdog team is very enticing - especially knowing that if some teams were to sneak-in to the playoffs The J-Bones would have an opportunity to knock off one of the top dogs.

Prediction: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (6-6) v Ankle Holster (3-9)

At some point a win is a win... and that is exactly what ARBL needed this week. JJ was a huge pickup and this week he proved why - scoring nearly 30 points on Thanksgiving Day. Holster was already eliminated, but that doesn't mean they still can't knock people out of the playoffs. ARBL avoids the upset and stays alive. Consistency was the key for ARBL and that is why they are still alive!!

Prediction: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

Season Predictions: 46-38

Mystery Guest: 35-49

With Love

Commish

AJB: 174.1 points

D. Smith: 132.9 points

J. Williams: 42 points

C. Akers: 35.2 points.... Can the injured Williams hold-off Akers for two more weeks?!?!?

Week 12 Predictions

I always hate doing the first week of playoff predictions - mainly because I know that everything is going to get all f*cked up and it is just going to get harder to predict. The vag always gets bloodier before it gets clearer... amirite? Time to start digging through that blood....

IN                                                    Bloody                                   Out

Watson's Happy Ending               ETN out your Grandma            Ankle Holster

Hoosier Daddy                          Gruden Email Editor

Side Set TD's                            Ayahuasca Dreamer

                                                  OBJs in the Stands

                                                  The J-Bones

                                               Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

                                               Bluffton Backup Backups

                                               The Cochness Monsters

                                               PEN15 Wrinkle

A few things to consider....

A) Watson is the only team that is for sure locked into the playoffs... it looks like 8 wins and you are for sure in.

B) Hoosier and Side Set are all but in... barring something truly tragic.

C) Ankle is the only team that is for sure out the playoffs..... HAHAHAH YOU SUCK AS MUCH AS THE PACKERS!!

D) Bloody is just bloody.... like really bloody - there is no sense in trying to make sense of it all until after this week when a few specific teams either lose (Wrinkle/Monsters) or a few teams win (ETN/Gruden/Dreamer).

With that being said (although I really didn't say anything of importance other than grossing most of you out), let's look at the matchups....

Matchup of the Week

OBJs in the Stands** (5-6) v Not Big Red* (5-6)

This is the MotW for one reason and one reason only..... lose and you are most likely out of the playoffs. This is two teams that are sitting at the bottom of the bloody mess and both teams have won the belt before... it would be heartbreaking to lose this matchup. Which also means that is not good NBR, when Allen and Davis get to play the Detroit Lions - who have given up the more points to opposing QBs than any other defense. For that, and that reason alone - OBJs is the favorite to knock out NBR from the running.

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands

The Cochness Monsters (4-7) v Side Set TDs (7-4)

This is a very important matchup for both teams. After getting the win last against the top team in the league, TCM is still in the race for the playoffs. However, TDs is in the race for the one seed and this matchup is just as important. The return of Chase (if it happens this week) would be a huge uptick for Side Set... as that would make Adams and Chase the top WR tandem in the league. It is going to take big weeks from Jacobs and Kamara for them TCM to stay in the race... WHICH IS GOING TO HAPPEN!!!

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters

Mystery Guest: Side Set TDs

ETN out your Grandma** (6-5) v Watson's Happy Ending** (8-3)

This is an extremely important matchup for these two teams.... Watson is trying to hold on to the 1 seed (win out and it is theirs) and ETN is trying to secure the 2 seed (win their division). The emergence of Fields makes ETN a serious contender in the playoffs... but this is an important week. It does not bode well, considering Hill returns and Jackson and Andrews face a porous Jacksonville Defense. This weeks screams revenge game for Happy Ending after losing to a Douche Goof last week.

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma

Gruden Email Editor* (6-5) v Bluffton Backup Backup (6-5)

I don't care... I can never pick BBB to win a matchup. And yet can't I?? Tua comes off a bye week and faces Houston - the worst team in the NFL. Calvin Dook is always going to get his. It could be a good week for BBB.... but nahhhhhhhhhhhh - I can't pick BBB. Hopkins/Samuel/Knox all are primed to have big weeks and that could be it for BBB. Look for Gruden to run away with one and be one step closer to getting the 2 seed (winning their division).

Prediction: Gruden Email Editor

Mystery Guest: Gruden Email Editor

Ayahuasca Dreamer (6-5) v Hoosier Daddy*** (7-4)

I mean it really doesn't matter who I pick in this matchup.... I am getting it wrong. Hoosier Daddy is the hottest team in the league with the soon to be Fantasy Football MVP.... I think we know which way I am leaning.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy

The J-Bones (5-6) v PEN15 Wrinkle (4-7)

This is another one of those matchups that will help determine the race for the final spots in the playoffs. PEN15 needs to win out and get some help from other teams.... but that ain't happening this week. Murray should be back... but Warzone is still popular so who knows if he plays. If her does play, the trio of Murray/Ekeler/Barkley make this team a tough team to beat - either down the stretch or eventually in the playoffs. If I were to guess, most teams that are planning for the playoffs - don't want The J-Bones to make it. They win this week and put everyone on edge.

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (5-6) v Ankle Holster (3-8)

Okay, so this is tough for me. I know that if TCM is going to make the playoffs than a few teams that are 5-6 need to lose. As it stands, I only have one 5-6 team losing... which means TCM needs another one to go down. In Ankle Holster they trust... I would write something legitimate up - but this pick is solely based upon the fact that TCM needs the 5-6 teams to lose.

Prediction: Ankle Holster

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you Side Set TDs, may your entire team burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

With Love

Commish

Week 11 Results

Full transparency... I have been pretty consumed with the World Cup and what not. I mean can you imagine what it is like over there - everywhere you go you might break the law of the all mighty sheikh and be jailed for this life and the next. I thought being around my sister was like walking on egg shells... these dudes cane you for showing too much ankle! Which is even crazier that I have seen people trying to sneak beer in the games - punishable by death; I have seen lady flashing crowds - you know those titties will never see the light of day again. I would do a lot of crazy things, but when I am in the Middle East... I ain't doing anything crazy. I take that back... I am definitely dressing up as Prince Ali and I am finding myself some Al Jazeera daughter to woo.

This week really muddied up the waters for how it the playoff race will look - be on the lookout for the Week 12 projections and the updates to the race...

Matchup of the Week

The J-Bones (5-6) v Ankle Holster (3-8)

What a win for the Ankle Holsters! This matchup had to go one way for it happen for the ole Douche Goof and it went exactly that way. There was no way Ankle Holster had the fire power to keep up in high scoring matchup, but if The J-Bones had an off night - it was possible. The J-Bones only had two players eclipse the double digits point total and one was a kicker - not exactly the recipe for success. Side note: I don't want to give away any projections... but Ankle Holster needed to win out and have teams lose.... they did their part - but was it enough?

Prediction: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!

The Cochness Monsters (4-7) v Watson's Happy Ending (8-3)

This could not have been a bigger win for TCM. They ended up with the 2nd most points in the league this week and they stay alive in the race for the playoffs. They also made things a little tighter at the top for the 1 seed. Watson had a huge push from Josh Palmer in the SNF game... but McCaffrey was just too much in the end and TCM was able to slip by with a much needed win. Happy Ending is still going to make the playoffs, but they would have loved to get this win and separate themselves from everyone battling for the 1 seed.

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Watson's Happy Ending... WRONG!!

Side Set TD's (7-4) v OBJs in the Stands** (5-6)

This was a pivotal matchup for OBJs - and it did not go the way they wanted. Watson had a big week for OBJ, but easily out done by Davante Adams. It always amazes me how a guy like Adams can get so wide open - who else is Carr going to throw the ball too??? It should also be noted that Titties got 31.9 points from their running backs and OBJs only scored 12.9 points. Consistency is the key in matchups that aren't booming and OBJ can boom... but he also can bust (early.... see what I did there).

Prediction: Side Set TD's... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands... WRONG!!

Bluffton Backup Backups (6-5) v ETN out your Grandma** (6-5)

You know what I can't figure out? BBB and ETN. BBB beats teams that they have no business beating and then they also have weeks when they end up in the lowest 5 scores OF ALL-TIME!!! Even if they didn't have Amari Cooper scoring 30+ points... they still beat ETN. I don't know if ETN is just saving their scoring for the playoffs or what... but they need to beat the teams they are supposed to beat... other wise they might not be in the playoffs.

Prediction: ETN out your Grandma... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma... WRONG!!

Hoosier Daddy*** (7-4) v Gruden Email Editor* (6-5)

Two things of importance happened with this result....

A) Hoosier Daddy is officially one of the hottest teams in the league and tracking down Watson's Happy Ending for the 1 seed.

B) Email Editor fall back into the plethora of teams that are 6-5 or 5-6. How is a man supposed to predict the playoffs when sh*t like this happens???

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy... RIGHT!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-7) v Ayahuasca Dreamer (6-5)

I am amazed out how bad I am at predicting the Dreamer's matchups. Simply amazed... I am 2-9 in predicting their matchups. That is awful, I mean it is pretty average if we are playing baseball - but we ain't playing f*cking baseball. They lose to teams they should beat and they beat teams they should lose too. I mean sure this was a .18 loss - which is absolutely insane by the way. Sure their defense scored -8 points. But hey, PEN15 won and the Douche Goof stays alive in the hunt for the playoffs.

Prediction: Ayahuasca Dreamer... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Ayahuasca Dreamer... WRONG!!

Not Big Red* (5-6) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (5-6)

ARBL made a big move and it paid off..... not. Luckily it didn't matter and Jefferson should be solid throughout the rest of the season, but man what a dud he threw up this week. It didn't matter much NBR could get any type of scoring from anyone outside of their defense and Aiyuk. Sometimes it is just good to get lucky and face an opponent having a bad week.

Prediction: Not Big Red... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Not Big Red... WRONG!!

Season Predictions: 41-36

Mystery Guest: 32-45

With Love

Commish

AJB: 161.5 points

D. Smith: 123.9 points

J. Williams: 42 points

C. Akers: 31.5 points

Week 11 Predictions

Alright, enough of the pleasantries - I know why you are here, you know why you are here - let's get to it.

It is time for the PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS:

1. Watson's Happy Ending - 100%

     - With only 4 weeks remaining, Happy has locked up at worst an 8-6 record... good for the playoffs.

2. Hoosier Daddy - 95%

     - Hoosier Daddy is one of the many teams sitting at 6-4, but they have enough points to win most ties.

3. ETN out your Grandma - 95%

    - ETN is currently tied at the top of their division, but is 5th in points for - gonna make it barring a tragic end to the season.

4. Gruden Email Editor - 85%

    - Email is one of three teams tied for the lead in their division, they are in the same position as ETN.

5. Ayahuasca Dreamer - 80%

    - Same as ETN and Email... just not as many points as them.

6. Side Set TDs - 80%

    - The same record (6-4) as 2-5, should make the playoffs barring a tragic ending to the season.

7. The J-Bones - 70%

    - They should make the playoffs, they are 3rd in points... and hold the tie-breaker over virtually anybody they would tie for a spot in the playoffs.

8. OBJs in the Stands - 55%

    - As it stands, they are in - but there are 3 teams tied at 5-5 and 3 other teams within striking distance... they need wins!

9. Not Big Red - 45%

    - They are one of the 3 teams tied at 5-5, but they have to play OBJ and ETN... it could a tough end to the season.

10. Bluffton Backup Backups - 35%

    - BBB had a huge win last week - which helps their cause, but let's be honest - it is not looking so good from here on down.

11. Aaron Rodger Blows Llams - 30%

    - After making a big trade, they will need a spark to get there... if they do, they could have a squad strong enough to knock off one the top teams!

12. The Cochness Monsters - 20%

    - They need to win out and have some help from a few other teams, not looking to good for the cocks!

13. PEN15 Wrinkle - 5%

    - Yay.... it ain't happening.

14. Ankle Holster - 1%

    - At this point, just try not to get last!

Matchup of the Week

The J-Bones (5-5) v Ankle Holster (2-8)

I will be real honest, there are a lot of better teams in matchups - but this matchup could mathematically eliminate our first team from playoff contention. Either Ankle Holster is completing out of it or they really hurt The J-Bones chances of making the playoffs. We all know where this pick is leaning... The J-Bones are tough squad when both the stallions (Barkley/Ekeler) are in the stable! Ekeler scored 13.3 points last week. The last time that happened? He scored 34.9 points the following week... could be the final nail in the coffin for Ankle Holster!

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

The Cochness Monsters (3-7) v Watson's Happy Ending (8-2)

Obviously this pick should lean one way... but there is something special in the air. Herbert is going to be involved in a shootout against KC, McCaffrey and Jacobs are in line for huge weeks against weaker defenses, Allen Robinson should see an uptick in targets with Kupp going down. If Carolina can play keep away from Jackson and Andrews... this could be the week that TCM needs to jumpstart this late season push for the playoffs. The only problem with that, Foreman is the man that needs to do most of the work to play keep away and Happy Ending has him as well. Either way, TCM needs a big week and they are going to get it!

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters

Mystery Guest: Watson Happy Ending

Side Set TD's (6-4) v OBJs in the Stands** (5-5)

This is a matchup between two teams that find themselves right by the cut line of the playoffs odds. As it stands, both teams should make the playoffs - but one team is going to drop after this week. Judging by the bye weeks and the amount of starters that OBJs has to replace - it could be tough sledding. It is never a good thing when you are starting two Green Bay wide receivers this season. Watson may have scored 30+ points last week, but every other week he struggled to break 10 points and is actually averaging below 5 points. On the flip side, if Adams doesn't play Side Set TD's is in trouble. My bet, he plays and Titties gets a huge win sending OBJs spiraling downward.

Prediction: Side Set TDs

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands

Bluffton Backup Backups (5-5) v ETN out your Grandma** (6-4)

One week after winning the belt in thrilling fashion, ETN now faces BBB - a famed Douche Goof that somehow finds themselves in the winners circle as often as the losers circle. To be fair, three of BBB wins came against the other three Douche Goofs... but a win is a win. It is interesting to note that BBB will be rooting on the Colts (the one team they follow) knowing full well that one player that could explode is the player he is facing against in fantasy football. ETN will be attempting to go back-to-back winning the belt and if Taylor has a good week.... it could happen.

Prediction: ETN out your Grandma

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma

Hoosier Daddy?** (6-4) v Gruden Email Editor* (6-4)

All things considered, this is probably the actual MotW. Two 6-4 teams battling it out, one winner almost guaranteed a spot in the playoffs... the loser left fighting for a spot near the cut line. You know who I wouldn't want to play this week? Hoosier Daddy. Hurts was just dealt his first loss of the season and there is good chance he is going to really give it to Indy. I mean straight "Power Move" give it them. Kelce is in the shootout game and they even have the Commanders defense going against Houston. Who would have thought that you could trade away one the top WR in the league and your lineup actually gets better? Hoosier Daddy made a move that officially puts the league on watch and thrusts them into the "team to beat" category.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy?

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy?

PEN15 Wrinkle (3-7) v Ayahuasca Dreamer (6-4)

The irony of these two teams, is that fact that I was never super impressed by either team throughout the entire season. One team said, "Screw you!" and started winning matchups - the other? PEN15 is terrible. The one saving grace of PEN15 is that Mahomes is really good at football. Other than that, Dreamer has a much more consistent team. Throughout the lineup there player after player that has the potential to score big points. I will not the interesting decision to play both Detroit running backs. When is the last time anyone can say that? Someone is starting two Detroit running backs?!?!? Either way, it should work and Dreamer is looking to vault themselves firmly into the playoffs.

Prediction: Ayahuasca Dreamer

Mystery Guest: Ayahuasca Dreamer

Not Big Red* (5-5) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (4-6)

When things aren't going well, what do you do? You switch up the mojo. ARBL did just that - swanging a trade with none other than Hoosier Daddy. Justin Jefferson is a huge pickup and honestly, might be the best receiver in the NFL as we speak. Will he be enough to take down NBR? As good as JJ is, this matchup really depends on if Everett and Williams play. If they play, NBR has an advantage.... if they don't? It is anyone's ball game. I am predicting that they do play and NBR wins - but ARBL has a team that is scary if they make the playoffs.

Prediction: Not Big Red

Mystery Guest: Not Big Red

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you Watson's Happy Ending, may your entire team burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

With Love,

Commish

Week 10 Results

When I was in high school I played one sport... soccer. It may shock you - but yes, this unathletic gangly body just didn't have what it took to play anything else. Nonetheless, in soccer our team always had one strategy, "Find the goof, and pick on him."

Meaning, we would find the guy that doesn't belong on the field and then we would constantly attack through him. Most of the time, there was always one guy that definitely did not belong. The same can be said for fantasy football. Find the goof, and make sure you don't lose to him. In our league, there are a few Douche goofs...

PEN15 Wrinkle

Ankle Holster

The Cochness Monsters

Bluffton Backup Backups

The previously mentioned teams have no business winning matchups - but when they do they either A) Hurt the chances of the opposing teams or B) Give themselves hope only to be let down later in the season. Let's see which teams lost the Douche Goofs...

Matchup of the Week

Hoosier Daddy** (6-4) v ETN out your Grandma** (6-4)

What a matchup for the MotW! This was crazy... finally a MotW that lives up the hype. These teams were 1st and 2nd in scoring - by a long shot. Unfortunately, one team had to lose! The callings were correct in the fact that the most points would come from this matchup - but Hoosier Daddy wishes it was a little slanted the other way. To be fair, it took some heroics from Jefferson - but my goodness, that boy is good. Speaking of good, Fields is trying to earn himself an award for waiver wire pickup of the year. I wonder who had him last?!?!

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy... WRONG!!

The Cochness Monsters (3-7) v Bluffton Backup Backups (5-5)

There is no if's about it, this one hurt The Cock.... real bad. TCM came into this matchup feeling really good, until they saw that BBB had made some unusual changes to their starting lineup. Somehow, Tua was back in the starting lineup? This team played Sam Ehlinger/Matt Ryan all season long, whatever the starting QB for the Colts was - he was the BBB's QB. Yet, this week - of all the week's - happens to be the week that they decide to play Tua. Thanks a lot Scott!

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The Cochness Monsters... WRONG!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (4-6) v Side Set TD's (6-4)

One team that looks like a Douche Goof, but actually isn't.... ARBL. Entering this week, they were 11th in the standings, but 7th in points for. This week, they were able to squeak out a win (the callings were a little off), but a win is a win. Ertz got hurt and Kupp had an awful game - could be because Stafford did not play. On the flip side, this was a golden opportunity for Titties and the dropped the funbag. It never helps when your team is slaughtered with bye-weeks - but having two guys score 0 points in the starting lineup is brutal. 

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... RIGHT!!

OBJs in the Stands** (5-5) v Watson's Happy Ending** (8-2)

This was one of the highly anticipated matchups - but this week in general has been a bit of let down in terms of scoring. Watson is happy because they were able to secure a win even with Jackson and Andrews on the bye. Foreman has been a huge addition to this team and may be the piece they needed for a deep run in the playoffs. On the flip side, OBJ is now a team that sit at .500 and has held the belt twice.... something doesn't match up here. They are a boom-or-bust team and they have the capabilities of beating anyone, but also losing to anyone. Side note: Foreman did lead Happy Ending in scoring... callings got that one!

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands... WRONG!!

Gruden Email Editor* (6-4) v PEN15 Wrinkle (3-7)

Here we have another Douche Goof, PEN15 Wrinkle. As stated early, this team has no business winning matchups - NO BUSINESS. It took a long weekend bender from a head coach who clearly was not paying attention until the last minute. The damage was already done, Email Editor had left Hopkins on the bench. He also would have probably played Danny Dimes over XFL star Heinicke and J. Connor over D. Singletary - but hey, who's counting? On the flip side, Wrinkle gets a win (thanks to Mahomes) and keep their ever slim chances of the playoffs still mathematically alive.

Prediction: Gruden Email Editor... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Gruden Email Editor... WRONG!!

Ayahuasca Dreamer (6-4) v Ankle Holster (2-8)

There is just something about this team, Dreamer just finds ways to win. To be fair, Holster is probably okay losing since it resulted in a good week for Rodgers and the Packers. Dreamer had a consistent week across the starting lineup - Diggs was the leader of the pack. He is easily a top 5 wide receiver in fantasy football and J. Allen loves himself a BBC. Who doesn't? Andy Dalton doesn't. That day walker struggled all day to move the ball against a tough Pittsburgh defense. Down goes the Douche Goof.

Prediction: Ayahuasca Dreamer... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

The J-Bones (5-5) v Not Big Red* (5-5)

When the stallions are back, The J-Bones are a tough team to beat. Take this into account, when Ekeler or Barkley were on the bye The J-Bones were 0-2; if both are in the lineup they are 5-3. It looks like we might be hoping for an injury! Even with Lamb having a huge week, NBR couldn't get the much needed win. They now drop to .500 and join the pack in the middle (9 of the teams are either at .500 or one game above). The J-Bones didn't get the belt (3rd in scoring), but they got the win and that is all they need at this point!

Prediction: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Season Predictions: 38-32

Mystery Guest: 30-40

With Love

Commish

AJB: 152.5 points

D. Smith: 110.1 points

J. Williams: 42 points

C. Akers: 25.4 points

Week 10 Predictions

I am currently watching this show called, "Manifest." Let me tell you, it is an absolute mind trip. Quick synopsis...

A plane takes off and when it lands the world has surpassed 5 years. Those that were on the plane then receive "callings" which direct them to helping people around them. 

That in itself is a simple, yet effective plot line. For example, one family had the father and son take vouchers to take be bumped to the flight. When they landed, the twin daughter was now 5 years older than the son. The mother went and got married (the plane passengers had been declared dead), actively trying to have a baby. Multiple passengers family members had died or moved on or aged dramatically. The father lost 5 years with his daughter... can you imagine landing than your daughter went from 12 to 17? 

Sign me up.

Then on top of that you throw in the secret government agencies and people who want to weaponize the "Callings." Then you have a group vigilantes who are strongly against the plane people and they begin to attack them. Crazy.

To say it safely, I have moved on from porn for the time being.

Let's see if the I can get some "Callings" and continue to dominate the Mystery Guest in the predictions.

Matchup of the Week

Hoosier Daddy?** (6-3) v ETN out your Grandma* (5-4)

These two teams find themselves near the top of the league - and for good reason. Hoosier has the first half MVP and one of the top 3 wide receivers in NFL. Not to mention the emergence of Jalen Hurts and Tony Pollard taking over the starting role (essentially). On the flip side, ETN has found a gem in Justin Fields - which is needed considering J. Taylor has done absolutely nothing as the number 1 pick in the league. The callings have told me that this matchup will have the most combined points. 

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy

The Cochness Monster (3-6) v Bluffton Backup Backups (4-5)

First off, I feel like I am getting pranked right now. BBB has played Sam Ehlinger over Tua Tagovailoa the past two weeks - resulting in a loss of 27+ points. Then I pull up this matchup and he has Tua starting - in fact he has his optimal lineup in. Every week this season, BBB has yet to start with his optimal lineup (projected) at the beginning of the week. Nonetheless, TCM needs to win this week - if not, they are cashing it in for the season. The callings are telling me that TCM picks up a must needed win, with heavy help from CMC and Jacobs.

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters

Mystery Guest: The Cochness Monsters

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (3-6) v Side Set TD's (6-3)

This is a crucial week for ARBL - if they don't win (as well pretty much every other 3-6) they will be on the brink of eliminate... pending schedules they could even be eliminated. On the flip side, Titties has somehow worked their way to 6-3 and if you look at their lineup you question how that is even possible. After Chase went down, their lineup took a huge hit - no longer having a player inside the top 5 of PRK. ARBL needs to win and this should be a week when they can pull one out. The callings are telling me this is the biggest point differential between all seven matchups.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

OBJs in the Stands** (5-4) v Watson's Happy Ending** (7-2)

This is a top-notch matchup between two top-notch teams. Watson is in the driver's seat of the league and they could not have been given a bigger gift with having Jackson on their bye week. OBJ may or may not be with Allen - even he does play the injury will need to be managed throughout the weeks to come. These two teams have had big production from their QB position... and now both teams will need to rely on a backup. The team that has the better supporting cast? Happy Ending still has D. Henry/T. Hill in the lineup - both are top 3 PRK. They also have Palmer, who is in line for big production with the injuries to the LAC wide receivers. The callings are telling me that Happy Ending wins with big weeks from Henry and.... Foreman.

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands

Gruden Email Editor* (6-3) v PEN15 Wrinkle (2-7)

Plain and Simple: Wrinkle is the worst team in the league.... or has been. This week they get Mahomes and Hardman against Jacksonville as well as Harris and Patterson back. Wrinkle gets the core of their back and is this the week they get a needed win - moreover, they hurt the chances of Email Editor. Doubt it. There is just too much firepower on the lineup of Gruden's roster. Waddle. Walker. Hopkins. Samuel. This is a lineup that has some serious firepower. The callings are telling me that Email Editor wins this one easily Wrinkle drops even further into depths of the cellar.

Prediction: Gruden Email Editor

Mystery Guest: Gruden Email Editor

Ayahuasca Dreamer (5-4) v Ankle Holster (2-7)

Everything you read in the prior matchup - forget it. Ankle Holster is the worst team in the league. Now, their favorite player is going against them... at this point you may as well root Rodgers and the Dreamers. There is nothing going for on here for Mr. Long Dick. Dreamer has a squad that should make a run for the playoffs - but the injury to Allen directly affects the roster of Dreamer with a heavy reliance on Diggs. The callings are telling me that Dreamer wins this matchup with little help from Diggs.

Prediction: Ayahuasca Dreamer

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

The J-Bones (4-5) v Not Big Red* (5-4)

NBR just captured their first belt title ever. Congrats kid - now back down to earth with a matchup against a team that is welcoming back their stallions. When The J-Bones are at full strength, this is a team that I would not want to face. They are loaded with potential throughout: Murray/Barkley/Ekeler/Evans/JuJu. Too many options to have big weeks. The callings are telling me that The J-Bones not only win this week, but they also win the belt for the first time this year.

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you Bluffton Backup Backups, may your entire team burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

With Love,

Commish

Week 9 Results

You ever wondering what is happening in your body? Like in that Bill Murray movie, "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou - when they go through this body and they you can see everything working. Sometimes, I wonder what is really happening in my body. Like are all my organs just throwing constant ragers with the amount of caffeine I consume. If I were to drink a Bang and then pop a Benedryl - would they just battle it out?? Would everything else inside me just watch the cage match... you know that Bang is winning and if not, I am just gonna drink more and more until they outmatch that Benny. 

I think that would be a funny game - everyone pops a Benedryl. Then every 20 minutes you pop another Benedryl until you have one person still awake. You can do whatever it takes to stay awake - caffeine, shower, masturbation, mastication, sports, etc. I am actually shocked this is not a TikTok trend yet - the amount of dumb sh*t that kids these days are doing. My idea sounds absolutely ridiculous, but we are talking about a generation that tried to eat Tide Pods and swipe each others feet out from under them. I feel like this is right down their alley.

Bunch of absolute fools.

Matchup of the Week

Bluffton Backup Backups (4-5) v OBJs in the Stands** (5-4)

I don't want to say it was expected - but there is no other way around it. BBB had Goedert and Tua on the bench, both scored 24 points. OBJs didn't even have a good week - to be fair most scores were pretty low (unless you had Mixon). However, BBB takes the loss and drops to the bottom half of the league. OBJs now finds themselves firmly in the running for the top of the league. When OBJ has their big week, they can beat anyone - but that is few and far between. 

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands... RIGHT!!

Hoosier Daddy?* (6-3) v The Cochness Monsters (3-6)

Hoosier Daddy is another team that had a so-so week, but they played a trash team and were still able to get the win. TCM needed to win this matchup; they did not and now their back is against the wall. They will be relying heavily on CMC and Sutton when they return from the bye. It is going to take a massive run in the latter part of the season. Hoosier Daddy elevated themselves to the top of the league and will contending for the regular season championship position.

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The Cochness Monsters... WRONG!!

Side Set TDs (6-3) v The J-Bones (4-5)

What a comeback win for Titties!! Drake had a big game on MNF and he single-handedly closed the gap and took the lead. In a mediocre week for all teams (outside of NBR), it is huge to lock up and win and stay on the top half of .500. Adams had a big week even though the Raiders are still terrible and Drake finished the job. On the flip side, The J-Bones are now sitting on the bottom half of the league and the pre-season favorite is now struggling to make the playoffs. They look forward to having both stallions in the backfield for the rest of the season and this team will make a late season push for the playoffs.

Prediction: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Watson's Happy Ending* (7-2) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (3-6)

Happy Ending has a solid team and they even can win the weeks when they are struggling. Henry is becoming the running back that owner's were hoping he would be all season. It helps that Tennessee throws the ball less than 8 times a game. It helps that ARBL had Tennessee's QB and Willis happen to score negative 3 points. As it stands in the league, we have teams that winning and teams that are losing - ARBL is a team that is losing. They do welcome back Chubb and Prescott from the bye and will look to make a late season push for the playoffs.

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Watson's Happy Ending... RIGHT!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (2-7) v ETN out your Grandma (5-4)

It is unfortunate when Wrinkle finally has a week when they would finish in the top half of the league scoring - yet they are going against Fields. Mahomes throws for 446 yards, rushes for 63 yards and is responsible for 2 touchdowns - yet is outscored by Fields. ETN might have found themselves the surprise of the year and Fields could be showing up at the right time. ETN needs someone to step-up for the lack of output Taylor is giving - Fields might just be that answer.

Prediction: ETN out your Grandma... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma... RIGHT!! 

Ankle Holster (2-7) v Gruden Email Editor (6-3)

Keeping this simple and sweet. Ankle Holster is the worst team in the league. The only real reason to watch this team is to see if Akers can score more points than a running back that has been injured since week 4. On the flip side, Email finds themselves in the top half of the league. They will be competing for a better seed in the playoffs and Waddle and Walker will be a big piece of that run.

Prediction: Gruden Email Editor... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

Ayahuasca Dreamer (5-4) v Not Big Red* (5-4)

Holy Joe Mixon. What a week... 5 total touchdowns and 211 rushing/receiving yards. He ended up being less than 2 points away from the all-time leading scorer for an individual week. NBR will be getting the belt this week and this is their first ever time with it - welcome to the party! Dreamer on the other hand, seems to just do the opposite of whatever I pick. Am I the jinx? Do I use this to my advantage??

Prediction: Ayahuasca Dreamer... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Not Big Red... RIGHT!!

Season Predictions: 34-29

Mystery Guest: 27-36

With Love

Commish

AJ: 150.8 points

D. Smith: 96.2 points

J. Williams: 42 points

C. Akers: 23.2 points

Week 9 Predictions

We are getting close to the final stretch of the season. It is becoming crunch-time - every week becomes that much more important to teams that are fighting to get into the playoffs. There are currently 6 weeks left and ESPN has already thrown out their playoff predictions. It is a little too early for me... but be on the look out for that in the upcoming weeks. More importantly, I wanted to point out the fact that ESPN thinks that PEN15 Wrinkle and Ankle Holster each have less than 10% chance of making the playoffs. Let me be the first to tell you... all you need is a chance.

In each of the last 3 seasons we have had a team that started off in the bottom 3 playoff chances sneak into the playoffs. In the year before that a team started off with the 4th best chance to NOT make the playoffs... yet they snuck into the playoffs and they eventually won the whole damn thing. It is much like when you wind up in bed with a solid 3, clearly not your best night slanging that d-piece around. However, you look to your other side and then you see another solid 3, your 10% just got exponentially hotter. When you are locking horns with two 3's it doesn't equal 6... it is exponential. Much like when you are sitting at the bottom of the league with a 10% chance, when you get one more win it doesn't just double - it gets exponentially higher. See GM's you just need to lock horns with a couple slump busters at the same time and you will make the playoffs.

It's science.

Matchup of the Week

Bluffton Backup Backups (4-4) v OBJs in the Stands** (4-4)

As it stands, there is a clear separation of groups forming: Playoff Bound and Couch Surfing. A loss in this matchup would really hurt the chances of either team to make the playoffs - in 3 of the past 4 years the teams that made the playoffs had no more than 6 losses. However, that was before the added game - which does give either team a little buffer room. That still makes this week a very big week for both of these teams sitting at .500 - especially for a team that holds 2 belt wins. This is a must win for OBJs, one that should easily be attained. Allen and Davis get the Jets, Kamara is becoming the primary playmaker, and Metcalf and the Seattle offense is surprising everyone. In a week that OBJ really needs a win, this should be it...

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands

Hoosier Daddy?* (5-3) v The Cochness Monsters (3-5)

This is a huge week for TCM - one that they really needed their big-time playmaker (CMC) who is on bye. Hoosier comes into this matchup with the first half MVP (Kelce), a phenomenal QB (Hurts), and arguably one a top-3 WR (Jefferson). They just lack any kind of substantial output at the RB position. Even with CMC on the bye, TCM could have the two best RB scores in this matchup and still lose. It is going to take a big week from Herbert, and a couple pass catchers to keep this close. Hoosier Daddy should get this win, but what can I say... I am biased....

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters

Mystery Guest: The Cochness Monsters

Side Set TD's (5-3) v The J-Bones (4-4)

If you were forced to play The J-Bones, this is the two-week stretch that you would want to play them. Last week, Ekeler was on the bye and this week Barkley is on the bye. After this week, J-Bones will feature two running backs that are both in the top 5 scoring for the rest of the season. If they can get any kind of help from the receivers, this team could make a run. On the flip side, Titties is hoping that Carr and Adams can have a better performance against Jacksonville than they did against New Orleans. Jacksonville gave up 21 points to Denver... who is terrible!! I am betting that Carr and Adam make it a point to have a big... but it still won't be enough.

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Watson's Happy Ending* (6-2) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (3-5)

If you actually read the blog, then you know who I am picking. Happy has the best team in the league. ARBL is missing their starting QB and their top RB. This spells disaster. Let's keep it simple and sweet....

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending

Mystery Guest: Watson's Happy Ending

PEN15 Wrinkle (2-6) v ETN out your Grandma (4-4)

Once again, if you read this blog then you know that PEN15 is the worst team in the league. On top of being the worst team they also lose Najee Harris to the bye. At least this week they welcome back Mahomes and Hardman - but I don't think it will be enough to overcome ETN. Taylor has a new OC that should just continually hand the ball off and this could be a big week for Taylor. Truthfully, ETN doesn't need a huge week - save for energy for warming up the G-Ma and take the easy win.

Prediction: ETN out your Grandma

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma

Ankle Holster (2-6) v Gruden Email Editor (5-3)

If PEN15 is the worst team, then Ankle Holster is not far behind. The real issue - when you look at the roster... they really aren't that bad. Mostert and Jones make a decent combo at RB, Lockett/Doubs/Boyd are decent WRs. This issue is that there is nothing that is superb - which is a problem in fantasy football. On the flip side, the emergence of Hopkins and Walker has made Email a very tough squad. Look for Email to overpower Holster with their starpower.

Prediction: Gruden Email Editor

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Ayahuasca Dreamer (5-3) v Not Big Red (4-4)

Somehow, someway Dreamer just keeps winning. I have yet to pick Dreamer to win. Have I learned my lesson? You betcha. Dreamer has a legit team and will be looking to keep pace with the other teams at the top of the league. With Jacksonville trading away Robinson it is the Etienne show... which gives Dreamer two legit running backs. Diggs has been a top wide receiver and McLaurin is finally starting to flourish. NBR is going to need a top week to simply keep up - however, it just doesn't look good for a team that needs a win to stay above .500.

Prediction: Ayahuasca Dreamer

Mystery Guest: Not Big Red

As always, I wish everyone good luck - except for you Hoosier Daddy, may your entire team burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe! 

With Love

Commish