Week 4 Predictions

**********BIG TIME TRADE WAS MADE**************

Gluten Douches get: Ekeler/Thomas/London

Insert Team Name Here get: Connor/Hunt/Ridley/Cooper

Lot to digest here....

Best player: Austin Ekeler

Gettin the best in a trade is always good thing, but it can come at a cost. Ekeler has the potential to be a solid lock at top 3 RB's in the game - this needs to happen for this trade to work out. Ekeler is coming off of an injury and hopefully he can recover and continue to be the Austin Ekeler that we all know and love.

Most Value: Connor/Ridley/Cooper

You want depth? Look no further. Ridley and Cooper supply lots of depth at the wide receiver position. They are both solid players and will definitely have plenty of opportunity. Connor is the type of player that will continue to be decent throughout and have very solid games every so often. It is nice that there is literally no one else in Arizona to get the ball, so it will be heavy doses of Connor all the time.

Winner of the trade: Insert Team Name Here

Even though I was in the trade, I think the overall winner would be Insert Team Name. They get more value and a very good replacement. Thomas and London are no slouches - but they won't even be in the starting lineup when everyone is playing. They will be bye-week filler players at best.

***********BIG TIME TRADE WAS MADE**************

Yeahhhhhhhh...... there are times in my life when I think... what brought me to this point? How did I end up in a copy room in an elementary school - sitting here ease dropping on conversations between teachers and wondering to myself, "If I took a sh*t right in the corner of this room, how long would it take before someone noticed?" Honestly? I think it would take a while. I am talking a good week or so, at bare minimum 5 days. 

Yes, at some point I have had that actual thought. That is what happens when your fantasy team just continues to allow other teams to completely have their way with them. I mean at this point I am easier than a hooker on main street who missed the train out of town after the street fair. So instead, my mind moves to hiding sh*ts in rooms and wondering what kind of affect it would have on others. To be fair, there are some freaks out there who would probably pay for it.

Enough sh*t talk, let's get to the big time...

Matchup of the Week

I miss Tom Brady (2-1) v Njigbas in Paris* (3-0)

This is going to be a good one! These two scored the most points last week and are currently sitting at 1 and 5 in the "points for" category.

QB: Mahomes v Tagioalsdjfoinvoilasndfjoi

Edge: Tua

Reasoning: Let's be honest, Tua is playing as well as anybody at the quarterback position and he probably should get the edge over anybody at this point. Mahomes matches up against the NY Jets - one of the toughest defenses in the league. Tua gets Buffalo - which would be ranked right at the top as well. It is going to be two great quarterbacks going against two great defenses - Tua's weapons give him the edge.

RB: Pacheco/Jacobs v White/Sanders

Edge: Pacheco/Jacobs

Reasoning: I still don't trust Mayfield and Young - which would be the starting quarterbacks for White and Sanders. Pacheco is at least in an offense that should move the ball and he will have opportunity around the goal line. Jacobs has not looked like himself lately, but he get there and this tandem will perform better - look for this week to be a launching pad.

WR: Metcalf/Samuel v Hill/Allen

Edge: Hill/Allen

Reasoning: Have you watched the NFL in the past couple weeks? Oh you have, there is your answer.

TE: Higbee v Goedert

Edge: Higbee

Reasoning: There was a point when this matchup would have been heavily in favor of Goedert - but nobody knows now. Goedert has been virtually inexistent this season and Higbee looked to be a main part of the offense. I am going to give the slight edge to Higbee, mainly because he plays against Indianapolis.

FLEX: Mattison v St. Brown

Edge: St. Brown

Reasoning: Until the Vikings offense decides to actually run the ball - which they don't and I don't blame them. On top of Mattison being so-so at best, the Egyptian ruler is a focal point of the offense for the Detroit Lions. The Lions play against Green Bay and they are going to want to send a message.... this no longer Green Bay's division.

K/DEF: Patriots/McPherson v Browns/Moody

Edge: Browns/Moody

Reasoning: Honestly, this one is much more of a toss up... Browns are playing a division rival - but their defense should be just fine. It does help that Baltimore struggled to move the ball against Indianapolis, which would be why they are getting the edge. Moody plays against Arizona and San Francisco will give their kicker plenty of opportunities to score points. Brandon Aubrey scored 11 points last week against the Arizona defense.... and they lost!!

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris

Gluten Douches (0-3) v Aaron Rodger Blows Llams (2-1)

Yup, you don't make a trade like one that was made this week and then not predict your team to dominate. Obviously, I am picking Gluten Douches - which is probably a good thing for ARBL (they win every time I don't pick them). The Douches now have a deadly lineup with star-power all throughout, they just need to some how find a way to play a team that is not going to win the belt.

Prediction: Gluten Douches

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

I HATE CHAD G (2-1) v No Time for Love (1-2)

Now is the time to go for No Time for Love.... Kamara is back! Unfortunately, the New Orleans offense might be without Carr this week... here is hoping. Love Time has a lineup that looks like it would be fantastic 2 years ago, if they can turn back the clock and channel their younger selves - this time is one to be reckoned with. On the flip side, Team Hatred is hoping that Walker can keep carrying the load. I don't see things going well this week for Hate, but what do I know?

Prediction: No Time for Love

Mystery Guest: I Hate Chad G

Insert Team Name Here (1-2) v Ertz when Eifert (2-1)

Ertz when Eifert made a trade after week 1 and is now 2-0 since that trade..... will that streak continue? It could, but I don't see it happening. Ertz has a lineup that features a lot of depth and little star power - they are lacking majorly in the running back department. It is always going to be hard for me to pick teams that lack in the running back department - which is why I am taking Team Name in this match up. Team Name has solid running backs and solid receivers - just happens that both receivers are the number 2 option on their respective team. It will create for some inconsistency in the scoring - which leaves Team Name vulnerable. This week, the matchups lineup and it should be a good week for Smith and Thomas (two of the most basic last names ever).

Prediction: Insert Team Name Here

Mystery Guest: Insert Team Name Here

East/West TD's* (2-1) v Ankle Holster (1-2)

Yup, let's just call it what it is.... East/West has a solid lineup and it all starts at the top. Who would have thought that the Vikings were going to drop back and just start chucking the ball all over the field??? Cousins is a legit top 5 quarterback and when you couple that with CMC and a lucky find in Puka - this team has star power and depth. On the flip side, Ankle Holster is going to be relying heavily on the Watson to help correct the ship. Christian Watson comes back to the lineup and hopefully can be the same Watson he was at the end of last year - if not, this team is going on a downward spiral and fast.

Prediction: East West TD's

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Handy Rudgins (0-3) v The J-Bones* (1-2)

It is truly wild what has happened to The J-Bones (I know because I had the same thing happen to another team of mine). Losing such key players from your lineup make it extremely hard to put out a competitive lineup week-in and week-out. Look at this week for example, The J-Bones are projected to score 108 points... with Chubb and Williams not injured - they would be in the 120's. On the flip side, Handy Rudgins is looking for their first win of the season and things could not be looking better for them. Burrow and Chase look like they are finally ready to play football - which means we could see a decent run from Mr. 5-Knuckle Shuffle.

Prediction: Handy Rudgins

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Hoosier Daddy (1-2) v PEN15 Wrinkle (2-1)

I mean at some point you have to begin to question what is really happening here. Justin Fields is a player that should be in contention for a top 5 spot at the QB position - is this the week? Denver just got dickslapped by the Flyin' Hawaiian and his crew of speedsters; you would think Fields would be able to fly around them as well. On the flip side, there is no way Achane can have the game he had last week again, can he? He shouldn't even get close to half the game he had. Like what are we doing here? This should be a big (and needed) win for Hoosier Daddy.... assuming the Dolphins don't blow Buffalo out of the water and have to play their backups for the entire 2nd half.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy

As always... good luck to everyone... except for you, Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams, may your entire roster turn into a body double and forget how to play football eerily similar to the fate of Demar Hamlin.

With Love

Commish

Week 3 Results

What in the actual hell is happening right now. This is the start of a fantasy football nightmare... let's break it down...

Gluten Douches has scored 360 points this season - that is good for 4th in the entire league. 

Gluten Douches has had 490 points scored against them - that is 127 points more than 2nd place in points scored against. Let's put this into terms of a weekly points...

The league average of points scored per week is 110 points per week. Gluten Douches have 163 points scored against them on average. We are talking about an average of 50 points a week!!! Now, this isn't just too toot my own horn and to talk about the Gluten Douches being the best 0-3 team ever assembled. As bad as the luck has been for the Douches - it hasn't been much better for The J-Bones...

The J-Bones are 2-1... good start. However, they have now lost Nick Chubb and Mike Williams. Let's put that into perspective...

Losing Nick Chubb in this league is like waking up in the morning and realizing you have no clean underwear. Losing Nick Chubb in this league is like getting ready to take a relaxing dump... and it just a fart. Losing Nick Chubb is like being the only straight guy in a gay bar and the last women just left. 

When you lose a guy like Nick Chubb there is no replacement. You better have someone stashed in your roster that can fill that spot - because there is nothing left on the waiver wire. Not to mention, if you did have someone stashed - you have probably had to use all flexibility you built for the bye weeks and now you are barely holding on.

Then just as the house is on fire and you are just waiting for the fire department to show up. You replace Nick Chubb with Raheem Mostert and he has the game of a lifetime - looks like the fire department showed up and they are ready to fix the situation. However, they forgot that they had filled up their fire truck tank with vodka the night before for a wild rager they threw at the station. They try to put the fire and BOOM!! Mike Williams goes down and the house is burning even stronger.

The J-Bones will be an interesting story throughout the rest of the season and to see how they continue from here.

Matchup of the Week

No Time for Love (1-2) v Handy Rudgins (0-3)

Well, someone had to win....

A wise man once said, "Even pillow fights there are winners and loser, so load the case full of bricks and swing away!" 

The Bills represented the bricks. Josh Allen/Gabe/Davis/Bills Defense combined for over half of the entire team score for No Time for Love. The defense doing the heavy lifting with 31 points. That would be the 2nd highest scoring performance from a defense this year and also make them the highest scoring player in the matchup. On the flip side, the bright side for Handy Rudgins - the Bengals look like they are actually ready to play football and Jerome Ford looks solid as a Nick Chubb backup.

Prediction: Handy Rudgins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love... RIGHT!!

Njigbas in Paris* (3-0) v Gluten Douches (0-3)

I am like f*cking Oprah... You get a belt! You get a belt! Everyone wins the belt! I mean seriously, what does a brotha gotta do to get a win. I have ravaged through opposing teams and traded my way to what I feel like is a very competitive team, but noooooooo - the Miami Dolphins decide to score 70 points on the week that the Douches are playing Tua and Hill. Not to mention, Njigbas also have Keenan Allen - who might be a top 3 wide receiver when healthy... guess what? HE F*CKIN' HEALTHY!!

Prediction: Gluten Douches... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!!

Insert Team Name Here (1-2) v I HATE CHAD G (2-1)

This battle should have probably been the MotW with the media stories swirling about a possible 12-round boxing match between the owners. Some think that there is genuine hate for each other... but I personally think it is deeper. I think it is in the plums. I think there is bluish hue and that needs taken care of.

Nonetheless, Team Name just flat out did not show up this week. Easy win for I HATE CHAD G - which had plenty of bulletin board material to rile up the boiz!

Prediction: Insert Team Name Here... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Insert Team Name Here... WRONG!!

I miss TB12 (2-1) v East/West TDs* (2-1)

You know, it is very funny how things happen. Almost directly after every trade I make - things quickly go downhill for me and they seem to trend upward for the other team. I made a trade with TB12 - they win and put up their highest total yet. I made a trade Ertz... they are 2-0 since the trade. If you want to win, trade with me. This is a week of glory for TB12, no position scored less than 11 points. You want to win fantasy matchups? Do that.

Prediction: East/West TD's... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: I miss Tom Brady... RIGHT!!

Ertz when Eifert (2-1) v Hoosier Daddy (1-2)

You want to know if your team is bad? Here is a good way to check it...

You play a team that you think got absolutely Power Moved in a trade and then lose them... after they don't play any players that they traded for. Instead they play, Ty Chandler - who I am pretty sure played center for the Dallas Mavericks at one point. Hoosier Daddy is a downward spiral and needs to get it fixed and quick. LaPorta seems to be the biggest bright spot for the team, but the lack of running backs in a league like this is going to kill a team.

Prediction: Ertz when Eifert... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy... WRONG!!

ARBL (2-1) v The J-Bones* (2-1)

If you haven't read... just check out the top portion of the blog - The J-Bones won, but at what cost???

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... WRONG!!

Ankle Holster (1-2) v PEN15 Wrinkle (2-1)

In a matchup that features rivals as well (might just be rivalry week) - one team just looked to find themselves a diamond in the rough. There might not be much worse than playing a team that picks up Achane (backup running back for the Dolphins) and then that player scoring 51 points in that same week - which is only 6 points away from the highest point total by a single player ever. What is even crazier, Wrinkle only scored 116 points - even with Achane in the lineup. A win is a win, and that is something that Ankle Holster can't say.

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

With Love

Commish

Season: 7-14

Mystery Guest: 13-8

GD Top RB: 53.9 (K. Williams)

AH Top RB: 43.4 (J. Cook)

Week 3 Predictions

After two weeks, ESPN is usually looking content for articles. Outside of wild injuries - which there have been plenty of - there is always an article that has a similar headline each year...

"Overreactions" "Question Marks" "Pretender or Contenders"

Something of that nature - lets play the game....

Contenders: Njigbas/Titties/Insert Team Name/PEN15

The first 3 teams... all do it differently. Njigbas is nearly entirely reliant on the air attack - with stud receivers and average (at best) running backs. Titties has arguably the top RB (CMC) and some how has struck golf with Puca and his amazing play as of late. Team Name has arguably the best overall lineup depth with a slew of players that could have big games and players that should always score a decent amount of points. PEN15 is a stretch to be in this category, but as it stands they have the 4th most points and one of the teams ahead of them lost their 1st round pick. There are lots of ways to find your way to the top - some of it involves luck - but if I had to pick a team to wager a king's ransom on.... it would be Insert Team Name. Their lineup provides a lot of depth overall and gives them plenty of opportunities to score points.

Murky Middle: ARBL/No Time for Love/Ankle Holster/Gluten/Handy

It may be shocking that two teams in this bunch are 0-2 and some teams in the pretenders group are technically "ranked" higher. However, No Time for Love and Gluten Douches 7th and 6th in points scored (respectively). Gluten has been royally screwed in the first 2 weeks... playing the top point getter each week and having over 50 more points scored against him than 2nd place. ARBL and Ankle Holster are two teams that have avoided the injury bug. Handy has a lineup that should be good, but for some reason Burrow and Chase look subpar and even a little lost. If I had to wager a king's ransom on one of these teams moving up in the rankings... it would have to be ARBL. ARBL have Jefferson and Hurts as their stallions and then a roster that can easily average 10-15 points a guy after that. This is all with Johnathan Taylor sitting on the bench - if he comes back, this team becomes extremely good.

Pretenders: JBones/Hoosier/Ertz/IMTB

Let's be honest, The J-Bones don't really belong in this category - but what do you do when their number 1 player has a gruesome season ending injury? It is going to be tough to fill that spot. Ertz is 1-1, with a narrow victory over Ankle Holster. IMTB and Hoosier need to address their lack of running back depth and pronto. Ertz is working their up the rankings with wins, but the lack of points scored is overly concerning. Although, we have seen a horrific lineup win it all before. If I had to pick a team to come out of this group and rise from the ashes... my money would be on The J-Bones. As stated earlier - they don't belong here, but I need to see how they can adjust their lineup to fill the massive gap (reminds me of this college girl I once knew) created by a Chubb.

Now, what to do with I HATE CHAD G... nobody knows. If Barkley is able to make a full recovery... they could be in the top 4. If he doesn't return, or quickly, and he isn't replaced - he is most likely dropped to the Pretenders category. That is the hard thing about labeling teams in fantasy football - you just never know what could happen.

Matchup of the Week
No Time for Love (0-2) v Handy Rudgins (0-2)
"Someone is going to win!"

QB: J. Allen v J. Burrow

Edge: J. Allen

Reasoning: This was supposed to be a lot closer than expected. But the curse of the big contract has struck. Very few players play well directly after signing their big contract and Burrow is no different. The man looks lost when it comes to throwing the ball. He did finish with 2 touchdowns last week and hopefully he can build on that.... but when it comes to QBs it is hard to argue with Josh Allen.

RB: Perine/Allgeier v N. Harris/J Gibbs

Edge: Harris/Gibbs

Reasoning: At this point, is reasoning really necessary? You know want to the fast track to the dweller of fantasy football? Bad RB's. Now I get it, Kamara and Aaron Jones are sitting on the bench, but we can only see what we can see right now. Kamara isn't playing for 2 more weeks (but he looks like there will be no real competition for the job when he returns) and Jones is hurt. Harris and Gibbs are the clearcut favorites.

WR: Aiyuk/G. Davis v Chase/Z. Flowers

Edge: Chase/Flowers

Reasoning: Matchups. Chase is playing LAR - which should create plenty of opportunity for Chase to catch a nice deep ball. Flowers is by far the worst receiver of this group... but they are playing Indianapolis. Indy is the bottom 4 for passing yards given up and that includes playing against Houston who is awful. The matchups are heavily in Chase and Flowers favor.

TE: Kelce v Hockenson

Edge: Kelce

Reasoning: There is no other TE that can compare to what Kelce does for Kansas City. He is essentially wide receiver number one in KC. On top of that, he will always have a matchup that is friendly to him - put a linebacker on him - and he can just run deeper routes... put a CB on him - and he just bodies him and wins jump balls. Hockenson is no slouch, but the edge will always go to Kelce.

Flex: J. Reed v J. Ford

Edge: J. Ford

Reasoning: To be fair, I would have never guessed to see this pairing. This time yesterday, I would have not even known who either of these guys are. One play changed everything, and J. Ford is the heavy favorite in this matchup. And that ladies and gentleman, is why you draft a handcuff!

Def/K: Bills/J. Meyers v Tenn/Butker

Edge: Tenn/Butker

Reasoning: Butker is tier 1... everything else can just f*ck off.

Prediction: Handy Rudgins

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love

Njigbas in Paris (2-0) v Gluten Douches (0-2)

You know what is brutal, facing the "best" team in the league after having to face the top scorers in the league the previous two weeks. Look, I have no other reason to pick Njigbas - other than the fact that they have scored the most points, they have the hottest stack in the league (Tua/Hill), and for some reason K. Allen has yet to get hurt. You know who hears all that and still doesn't give a sh*t? Bijan "Big Black" Robinson. He is going to drop a 40 point on Detroit and with that Gluten will pull off the upset of upsets and take down the top dawg in the league.

Prediction: Gluten Douches

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris

Insert Team Name Here (1-1) v I HATE CHAD G (1-1)

If there is one thing I know about football, fantasy or real... it is hard to replace an injured star running back. IHCG is experiencing that right now, it looks like they are going to hold on to Barkley (admirable), but what will they do with his absence. Gus Edwards is not a bad option, especially considering Baltimore is facing Indianapolis. However, Pittman Junior is the flex and who knows what is going to happen with him - Minshew is looking like the starting QB and let's be honest... there is a reason he was the backup. Team Name has a solid team and if Ekeler returns, this team is looking to win this week and many more matchups in the future. Look for Herbert and Ekeler to continue the hot play from LAC's offense and lock up this victory.

Prediction: Insert Team Name Here

Mystery Guest: Insert Team Name Here

I miss TB12 (1-1) v East/West TD's* (2-0)

TB12 could really use a win, but they are playing arguably the hottest team - Titties dropped nearly 170 points last week. Mahomes does get the pleasure of playing Chicago's porous defense, but after that... the lineup looks a little shaky. Ridley looked nothing like he did in week 1 and Metcalf is questionable. I would hate to rely on Mattison and Pacheco to win this matchup for me. Titties has by far the number one running back (CMC) with Chubb/Barkley/Ekeler banged up or out and Cousins is showing why Netflix picked him for their Quarterback series. Puka is likely due for some kind of regression, but until that happens I guess we have to trust him to perform like a top 5 wide receiver.  This leaves me no other option other than to pick Titties - which we all love!

Prediction: East/West TD's

Mystery Guest: I Miss Tom Brady

Ertz when Eifert (1-1) v Hoosier Daddy (1-1)

To be completely honest, this might be the lowest scoring matchup of the week - but someone has to win it! Jackson has a friendly matchup with Indianapolis, but he is questionable and AJB looks like he is completely content with stat lines involving no touchdowns. On the flip side, I would hate to trust Stevenson and Matt Brieda to hold down the fort - at least Brieda will be serviceable until Barkley returns. I just don't see anything happening with Hoosier Daddy until he can swing a trade... maybe try and fleece someone... eh, eh?

Prediction: Ertz when Eifert

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-0) v The J-Bones (1-1)

As I stated earlier, it is hard to replace a star running back and The J-Bones might the exception. Mostert is apart of the Miami offense and has been getting plenty of opportunity to score, with 3 touchdowns through week 2. He is averaging 19 points a week... which will be unlikely for him to keep that up - but a very good 2nd option to say the least. The real issue? Justin Jefferson is a freak and I can't imagine he doesn't get a touchdown this week - I may even bet it. Minnesota against LAC looks to be a shootout and Jefferson is going to be a big reason why, which is why ARBL is the top of the "Murky Middle" pack and will looking to make that jump after this week.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Ankle Holster (1-1) v PEN15 Wrinkle (1-1)

These two have a history and proximity issue and I am all for it. Wrinkle will most likely be playing Prescott against Arizona's defense, and the stack with Lamb - which might just be too much for Holster to handle. You can bet that Jeudy will return back to the lineup and have an opportunity to score some big points against a Miami defense that seems to find themselves in a shootout. Mr. Primetime is going to throw a few deep balls this week and Jeudy will be on the receiving end of a couple of them. However, Jordan Love has been playing extremely well and if he welcomes back Aaron Jones - his stock value only goes up. Doubs is quite the stack as Prescott/Lamb... but when you have Diggs and G. Wilson to pick up the slack, it don't matter. Holster needs this win and might find themselves needing a dud from Mike Evans - no worries, he is never good three weeks in a row... until now.

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

As always... good luck to everyone... except for you, Njigbas in Paris, may your entire roster turn into a body double and forget how to play football eerily similar to the fate of Demar Hamlin.

With Love

Commish

Week 2 Results

Puka Nucua.

He is the 2nd ranked wide receiver. 

I did some checking up on him and he has quite the story on how he go the NFL, it is good read. Here is the Spark Notes: Puka was born a poor black child. He can remember the days, sittin' on the porch with the family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi. By the age of 13, he was a part of a fishing crew just off the river and it was until a raft came down with a large black man and little white boy came on by. They were going wherever the current took them and Puka hopped on board. Soon the other two jumped off and Puka was left all alone with a tiger and Puka began to regal the tiger with his life story. Until, quickly afterwards they were stranded on an island and the Tiger ran away - leaving Puka with only a volleyball to share his life stories. After getting fed up with the volleyball, Puka decided enough was enough and he made his was to Alabama University where he and this speedy white gentleman dominated the nation's best. The book goes on to write about how Puka almost joined the army with that speedy white gentleman, but Puka was more of a fish guy than a shrimp guy. Puka then decided to play in the NFL and was originally going to be drafted by the Browns - but there were so many trades of picks in the first round (side note: The Browns got exactly what they wanted and a kicker for the hell of it!) that Puka ended up in L.A. After that, the rest is history...

And that is how we now find a random ass Puka Nucua as the number 2 ranked wide receiver in the NFL.

Bonus points: Name the 5 movies referenced in the Puka's life.

Matchup of the Week
The J-Bones* (1-1) v Njigbas in Paris (2-0)

I meeeeeaaannnnn.... I don't want to say what could have happened if Chubb didn't take that helmet to the knee - but my goodness that was brutal to watch. It not only sucks for The J-Bones this week - Chubb was rolling and only getting stronger... but it sucks long term for The J-Bones. This now marks 4 straight years where The J-Bones have had a significant player miss significant amounts of time, or the rest of the season, due to injury (Chubb/Murray/CMC/Prescott). In those years, 2 running backs looked to be on their way to all-pro seasons and 2 QB's were in the midst of MVP-esque seasons. Just a heartache for the kid.

Prediction: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!!

East/West TD's* (2-0) v Gluten Douches (0-2)

In case you missed it, that Puka guy is playing really well. TD's had himself a week and nearly broke the 170 points mark. Not only did Puka have a good week, but so did Cousins and Higgins... in fact everyone outscored their projections except Etienne - and his matchup this week was supposed to be very favorable. On the flip side, Adams did his job and Douches will look solid moving forward - but with the 0-2 start be too much to overcome??

Prediction: Gluten Douches.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: East/West TD's... RIGHT!!

Handy Rudgins (0-2) v I HATE CHAD G (1-1)

This was a needed win for IHCG... and dare I say, a much needed loss for Handy Rudgins? The trend seems to follow the fact that if Handy Rudgins loses in fantasy, the high school team wins in real life... tough look for week 3 in fantasy. Rudgins is going to struggle as long as Burrow and Chase struggle - it can't be this bad the entire season can it? On the flip side, IHCG won - but at what cost? Barkley is out for at least week 3 and possibly a few more to follow. It is good to lock up the win, but Barkley's injury is going to be something to monitor. It will either need to be addressed with a bench player and hoping for a quick recovery (prognosis is 3-4 weeks), or the lineup will need to be improved through the trade market.

Prediction: Handy Rudgins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: I HATE CHAD G... RIGHT!!

Hoosier Daddy (1-1) v Insert Team Name Here (1-1)

You hate to say it, but this matchup was never in question. Honestly, and this might be a compliment to the career that Hoosier Daddy has had - but this might be their worst team ever assembled. It is hard to imagine that same to GM who once famously took 6 running backs in the first 7 rounds, now rosters a team that is in desperate need for RB help. On the flip side, the LAC are 0-2.... but they have managed to scored 58 points and never turn the ball over, thanks to the play of Justin Herbert. ITNH has a roster that is ready to make a deep run in the playoffs and this is just the beginning.

Prediction: Insert Team Name Here... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Insert Team Name Here... RIGHT!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (1-1) v I miss Tom Brady (1-1)

I believe this is what the ESPN rankings were thinking when they projected Wrinkle to be the number 1 overall team of the league. Mike Evans, CeeDee Lamb, and Daniel Jones carried the load this week. Yes, you read that correctly - Daniel MothaF*cking Jones. He wasn't wearing a bra and he let those titties touch the wind....

Prediction: I miss Tom Brady... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: I miss Tom Brady... WRONG!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-0) v No Time for Love (0-2)

Can we just appreciate what we are witnessing? Not even just fantasy related - Justin Jefferson might go down as the greatest NFL wide receiver to ever play the game. The man has averaged over 150 yards a game and is the 3rd ranked WR.... without scoring a single touchdown. Some of the catches that he made this week were absolutely insane, I know that I am gushing over a black man and his enormous cock potential - but hey, when you are good, you are good.

Prediction: No Time for Love... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love... WRONG!!

Ankle Holster (1-1) v Ertz when Eifert (1-1)

Hey looky there, Ertz made a trade and boom he gets a win. Sometimes, it can be that simple - although, I am sure it was not supposed to end up this close. Jamaal Williams was running well and then all of the sudden... injury. The real sh*tty part about it all? The backup running back (Tony Jones Jr) ended with 2 touchdowns. Could have been a really big night for Williams - nonetheless, he got what he needed and a win is a win.

Prediction: Ertz when Eifert... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

Season: 5-9

Mystery Guest: 10-4

With Love

Commish

GD Top RB: 45.4 points (Kyren Williams)

AH Top RB: 30.2 points (James Cook)

Week 2 Predictions

There will be a full on write up about the trades that were made this week in the next blog or two.... hot dang, the new guy is active!! Gotta say, I am big fan - if you are going to join a league, do it with a cannonball not toe dip!

*************Then there were two trades*************

THERE HAS BEEN A TRADE!!!!!!!!!!! 

The following paragraph is a reflection on the trade that was accepted in the league - then below that is what was previously written. So let's break it down...

Gluten Douches receives Davante Adams

This is a huge pickup for GD, which he now jumps directly into their starting lineup and gives them a unique combination of star power and depth. Adams comes in and automatically bumps into the starting lineup and GD now has the option of bringing in Pickens off the bench or rotating him in during bye weeks. It did cost him a depth at running back and quarterback.

Ertz when Eifert receives Jamaal Williams and Russell Wilson

Say what you want about Mr. Unlimited - the man does have a decent wide receiver group and he will have plenty of opportunity in Sean Payton's system. There is no denying the fact that he looked to create and throw more down field - which can also give him more chance to score points. Jamaal Williams is an interesting player - that should firmly take control of the backfield and then have to fight for it again. The backfield is his for three more weeks, then Alvin Kamara returns. However, Williams could have carved out enough space for him to still be relevant - especially around the goal line.

*************This was written before a trade was accepted in the league*************

Here we go... back at it again. Week 1 is in the books, but are the questions really answered? Is the Baltimore and Cincy offense (particularly the QB) going to bounce back? Are the Dallas and NY Jets defenses really that good? Will Chicago ever find a way to put together a team good enough to compete? If Dr. Strange has the time stone, why doesn't he just go back in time and put Thanos is a time loop so he can never snap his fingers in the first place?

In all reality I am sitting here in the darkness (eff your couch) and wondering what went wrong in week 1. Is there anything that I could have done differently? For many teams, the answer is yes - and for some the answer is no. It is often said that teams that start off the season 0-2 have a 12% chance of making the playoffs. This is a crucial week for roughly about half of the teams in this league...

Week 2 Matchup of the Week
The J-Bones* (1-0) v Njigbas in Paris (1-0)

Some people will be crying foul play that The J-Bones is in the Matchup of the Week, but what am I supposed to do when the man is holding the belt and playing the team that was 2nd in week 1? This is a MotW made in heaven...

QB: T. Lawrence v T. Tagovialioaliaoiialalaiioaiaoaialaiaiialoiaoa

Edge: T. Lawrence

Reasoning: Yes, I get it - Tua is really good and has really good weapons around him. The only reason why the edge goes to Sunshine is because of the matchup. J-ville plays Kansas City in what could be the game that features the shootout (similar to LAC v Miami in Wk 1). I look for Lawrence to try and keep pace with a KC offense that will be coming for blood after losing to Detroit in week one.

RB: Pollard/Chubb v White/Sanders

Edge: Pollard/Chubb

Reasoning: If you need reasoning here, you think football is still the shape of "Hey Arnold's" head.

WR: Godwin/M. Williams v Hill/St. Brown

Edge: Hill/St. Brown

Reasoning: Well, Hill was the highest scoring player in week one and St. Brown plays an extremely porous Seattle secondary. I wouldn't be shocked if these two both finish in the top 10 of receivers this week and I also wouldn't be shocked if St. Brown finishes higher than Hill. Either way, these two easily have the advantage over Godwin and Williams. 

TE: Kmet v Goedert

Edge: Goedert

Reasoning: Last year, after his lowest total point scoring week - he had 8 catches and nearly 100 yards the following week. I just don't see a world with Dallas getting completely ignored.... again. Philly has plenty of weapons and they find themselves in a game that is another candidate for the shootout of the week. Goedert is going to get his - I would be shocked if he doesn't catch a touchdown ball this week.

FLEX: Mclaurin v K. Allen

Edge: K. Allen

Reasoning: The only reason why everyone is always down on K. Allen - injuries. When he plays, he is great.... possibly even a clear top 10 WR. The big question... is this the week that he goes down with an injury? I betting not... which is why he has a slight favorite. Not to mention, the QB situation in Washington is not nearly as good as LAC. 

DEF/K: Dallas/Bass v Browns/McPherson

Edge: Dallas/Bass

Reasoning: Did you watch in week 1? All I know is, I am betting the under in the Dallas v NY Jets game this week.

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris

East/West TD's (1-0) v Gluten Douches (0-1)

Here is the issue... I always want to pick the Gluten Douches (I wonder why). However, this is a not a good matchup this week. McCaffrey is completely healthy and Etienne matches up in a game that is a candidate for the shootout of the week. However, you can not expect Puka Nuka to have the week he had in Week one. It shouldn't matter - the lineup for TD's has good matchups and this team has a history of starting off strong for the seasons.

****Forget everything you just read... Gluten Douches are welcoming Davante Adams and they refuse to start things off on a losing foot with their new compadre****

Prediction: Gluten Douches

Mystery Guest: East/West TDs

Handy Rudgins (0-1) v I HATE CHAD G (0-1)

I am going to be honest... it is going to be hard to pick a team that scored the fewest points in week 1. Surely, Burrow and Chase will get it figured out and that was just a fluke.... right? They face off against Baltimore, which is not the most friendly - but Baltimore is a long ways away from the days with Ray Lewis killing people on Saturday and getting sacks on Sunday. I like this team to keep the swan song going for I HATE CHAD G - especially considering they were a freak accident away from winning in week one.

Prediction: Handy Rudgins

Mystery Guest: I HATE CHAD G

Hoosier Daddy (1-0) v Insert Team Name Here (0-1)

Look at the lineups and tell me which team is 1-0.... guaranteed you would get it wrong if you had no idea ahead of time. Hoosier Daddy dislikes his team and I can agree. There is very little star power (Fields and Olave are up-and-coming), but there is depth. On the flip side, ITNH has some a tremendous stack with Herbert and Ekeler. The big question for ITNH is, do you go back to the Drake London stream or do you fish in another river? I think things change this week and ITNH can see a big week from Drake London (anything is bigger than last week).

Prediction: Insert Team Name Here

Mystery Guest: Insert Team Name Here

PEN15 Wrinkle (0-1) v I miss Tom Brady (1-0)

Wrinkle is still looking for their first win, even after solidifying the number 1 rank after the draft. Things are looking up as they welcoming I miss TB12.... their best player is arguably one that didn't even play a snap last year - and he isn't a rookie!! Wrinkle does welcome back Andrews - which should help out Baltimore's offense as a whole and they can't expect Gano to go for -2 again... if so, I am sure they drafted a backup kicker to replace him! I like TB12 in this matchup for one reason only... Sauce Gardner. Wait, he plays defense? Yes he does - and he plays it very well. CeeDee Lamb is getting clamped up.

Prediction: I miss Tom Brady

Mystery Guest: I miss Tom Brady

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (1-0) v No Time for Love (0-1)

Can we just appreciate the irony of week one? Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams gets a win in week one.... only because Aaron Rodgers had that freak accident. If it were me, I would change the player name to whoever I was facing that week. Something like, Aaron Jones Blows Llams - then BOOM!! Jones goes down and you win again. Other than that, it is going to be tough for ARBL - can't really bank on Josh Allen to look that bad again. Without the team name change I like No Time for Love in this one - especially with a bounce back game for Josh Allen.

Prediction: No Time for Love

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love

Ankle Holster (1-0) v Ertz when Eifert (0-1)

You know what? Eff it.... Ertz when Eifert made a trade; made some effort... hell, I like the upset pick. F*ck you Holster!

Prediction: Ertz when Eifert

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Good luck to everyone... except for you, East/West TD's, may your entire roster turn into a body double and forget how to play football eerily similar to the fate of Demar Hamlin.

With Love

Commish

Week 1 Results

How could this possibly have happened? I can't stop thinking about last night's (MNF) game and what it meant for my life. No, I am not specifically talking about fantasy football - that matchup was lost the moment Dallas Defense decided to score more points than everyone in the NFL not named Tyreek Hill. No, I am talking about specifically my life and roughly 71% of all Americans. No, that injury meant more... that injury was a message.

No great athletes named Aaron are allowed to dominate on the east coast - other wise they will be taken care of. Don't believe me? Just look at the stats....

Aaron Rodgers - total domination in Wisconsin, some would say a lock for the top 5 QBs all-time. Then he goes to the east coast... taken out after 4 snaps.

Gordon Aaron Hayward - loving life and doing just fine in the western conference, chase the paper to the east coast - BANG! The man has a freak accident two plays into his first game.

Aaron Boone - plays great for a Midwest team (that shall remain unnamed), signs with the Yankees - BOOM! torn ACL playing a different sport (they'll get you anywhere they can on the east coast)

The list goes on... 

Why does this affect me? Well, for one - my name was supposed to be Aaron. I lost the race out the chamber to another baby and he was named Aaron instead - he was total loser, actually commissioner for a WNBA fantasy league. Secondly, my son's name was dangerously close to being Aaron. It just makes me think - if they are willing to just take out Aaron's at will.... what name will they stop at???? Adam? John? Todd? Gweneth??????

Week 1

Matchup of the Week

Gluten Douches (0-1) v The J-Bones* (1-0)

Nothing like feeling somewhat comfortable going into the Sunday Night Football game with a comfortable 22 point lead. Then it happened, right away... Dallas Defense decided to become the 2nd best player in all of fantasy football and just like that this matchup was over. The J-Bones not only win this week, they take the belt! Life is good in Boner Land.

Prediction: Gluten Douches... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Hoosier Daddy (1-0) v Handy Rudgins (0-1)

Wow, this was a brutal showing for all Handies around the world. This Handy was done by a coal miner and there was no lotion involved whatsoever. What is even crazier is the fact that even with how poorly things looked, they are still 10+ points out of the bottom 5 for the league record books. There is just not a lot to talk about other than the fact that the Browns shut down the highest paid NFL player (a double win for Hoosier Daddy). H-Daddy is now 1-0 with a team that he strongly dislikes... and to be honest, I am on board with the dislike.

Prediction: Handy Rudgins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

East-West TDs (1-0) v PEN15 Wrinkle (0-1)

What is wild to me is the fact that Greta Thunberg threw for 344 yards and still only managed to earn 17 points. It is like no matter what he does he will always be the average white guy in the middle of the pack that likes to rake leaves and grill with an apron on. Yet, Titties gets the job done! Etienne and McCaffrey looked strong and looked like a tandem that could carry a team. On the flip side, Wrinkle (the ESPN ranked number 1 team after the draft) looks to have some issues. One might be playing a player that was ruled out when you have a backup on the bench - but who knows?

Prediction: East/West TDs.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: East/West TDs.... RIGHT!!

I HATE CHAD G (0-1) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (1-0)

Yeeeeeaaaahhhhh.... there is nothing to really say about this one. Just an absolutely brutal way to go down this week. I am not even to say anything for fear of getting put on the east coast list - Adam is close to Aaron.

Prediction: I HATE CHAD G... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: I HATE CHAD G.... WRONG!!

Insert Team Name Here (0-1) v Ankle Holster (1-0)

Ankle Holster..... just absolute gem of a start to the season. The Packers are still daddy - big win for the Holsters and a good hit on a 6-team parlay bet. What isn't to love right now? Jordan Love looked good - but is that because he is good or is that because he was playing the Bears defense... we will find out soon enough. On the flip side, ITNH showed a lot of depth and good star power from Herbert/Ekeler - but without Drake London appearing anywhere on the stat sheet... it just wasn't enough.

Prediction: Insert Team Name Here.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster.... RIGHT!!

Njigbas in Paris (1-0) v No Time for Love (0-1)

Tough, tough loss for No Time for Love. They had the highest total for a team with a loss and would have beat close to 75% of the league... but it only matters who you face, just ask the LA Chargers. On top of that, J.K. Dobbins is out for the rest of the season. On the flip side, if you thought you won the lottery with Dallas Defense - Tyreek Hill went and had himself a game! He had 11 catches for 215 yards and 2 touchdowns.... woof! To think, the NIP nearly won the belt without a single point from Dallas Goedert. Great week for the minorities all around!

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!!

I miss Tom Brady (1-0) v Ertz when Eifert (0-1)

I don't want to say this is the worst first week showing from a rookie.... but then again, I am not a liar. What is even crazier to think - you still didn't get last in points this week. I think of everything that happened this week, Jackson only scoring 6 fantasy points against Houston's defense is up there with one of the most shocking. On the flip side, IMTB might have found something with Calvin Ridley. The man looked very fast - was that him or the Indy defense looking lost?

Prediction: I miss Tom Brady... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: I miss Tom Brady... RIGHT!!

Season Prediction: 3-4

Mystery Guest: 6-1

With Love

Commish

GD Top RB: 20.3

AH Top RB: 15.7