Week 8 Results

I mean.... everyone is expecting this - but it is about d*mn time! We officially have no winless team in the league - which means that a cigar can finally be lit. You can be a bad team and still get a win... hell, even Southern Wells football won a game. But let's not focus on the bottom of the league... or just one team - let's focus on the big picture....

There are 8 teams that are sitting at .500 or worse for the season. 

There are 6 teams that are sitting at .500 or better for the season.

There are 8 teams that will make the playoffs.

Which means that currently 2 teams from the .500 or worse category will make the playoffs - so you are saying there's a chance!!

On top of that....

The past two years have featured a team that was ranked 6th in the playoffs making it to the Championship.

On top of that....

The 6th seed in the playoffs has played the 1st seed in the championship and is 1-1.

So you either want to be the top dawg or you want to sneak into the 6th seed.

Matchup of the Week

I Hate Chad G (4-4) v East/West TD's** (6-2)

I mean nobody is shocked by this result - not even Team Hatred. This was like Thanos... inevitable. However, if these two teams played again next week (which they don't) - it may be a little different. Titties has now lost their QB and will need to turn to Bryce Young. It shouldn't matter that much, considering they are rocking CMC and Etienne at running back - the 1 and 2 ranked RB's in the league. On the flip side, Hopkins had a huge game.... on the bench. The Will Levis train is leaving the station and Hopkins may become a weekly starter with Big Thrill Will throwing the ball.

Prediction: East/West TD's... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: East/West TD's... RIGHT!!

Gluten Douches (1-7) v Hoosier Daddy (4-4)

Don't look now... The Douches are coming for you. Can you imagine if that was an actual Halloween movie? A bunch of douches just chasing around people and the penetrating them once they are caught - honestly, in today's world this is a multimillion dollar movie. I might produce it if the GD's make the playoffs - but it is going to take more than just this week and Hoosier Daddy might need to be on the teams that keep falling. The big error coming with playing the wrong N.O. Saints player - Olave - who informed everyone he played for the Saints in a recent video was the lowest of the trio... the other two? On the bench.

Prediction: Gluten Douches... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy... WRONG!!

Njigbas in Paris** (5-3) v Insert Team Name Here (3-5)

The Njigbas made a nice little run - but ultimately they just weren't fast enough... ironic. You have to wonder if things would have been different if they had known who their fathers were throughout their childhood. Or maybe if they stopped trying to look rich while being broke and instead stayed rich while looking broke. Or even if they traded their orange suits for some business suits. 

Just maybe then they would have made it.

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris... WRONG!!

No Time for Love (5-3) v I Miss Tom Brady (4-4)

It is a shame the name reference does not correlate to success for the actual player. As bad as Jordan Love has been, No Time for Love was that good this week. Kamara has been well worth the wait and is averaging nearly 20 points a week - and that is on a Saints team that doesn't look that strong. On the flip side, TB12 is going to look at this week and question everything in life. How can Denver's defense hold Mahomes and Pacheco to a combined 12.3 points - most running backs scored that by themselves against this defense.

Prediction: No Time for Love... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: No time for Love... RIGHT!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (5-3) v Ertz when Eifert (4-4)

If there was ever a question about who is the number one receiver in Philadelphia - it is very clear. After that, Lockett and Kittle had a good week and sometimes that is all it takes. On the flip side, ARBL needs to find some help in the WR department - because Moore and Powell are not getting it done. As long as Fields is out, Moore's production value will be low. Moss and Taylor have represented good value while still playing both - reminiscent of Chubb and Hunt a few years back.

Prediction: Ertz when Eifert... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... WRONG!!

The J-Bones** (5-3) v Ankle Holster (3-5)

Look at this, you can still win playing a positional player against your own defense in the Monday Night Football game. Ankle Holster needed roughly 17 points in the MNF game and had the decision of who to keep in... Josh Jacobs by himself or include the Detroit Lions Defense (who just scored -2 the week before). He played both and both played very well. Jacobs was pretty much the entire Raiders offense - which wasn't much and Detroit was able to score 14 as a defense. Solid performance and one that was needed. On the flip side, The J-Bones really felt the Chubb injury this week with Pollard and Foreman really struggling. Everyone else did their job - and then some, but the RB's dropped the ball... guess that is why they are RB's.

Prediction: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!

Handy Rudgins* (3-5) v PEN15 Wrinkle (5-3)

Look at this, look at this.... Handy is turning the league upside down. Once the laughing stock of the league (along with Gluten Douches) and now the belt holder. All of that, and this with playing his 3rd best QB. Gibbs looked amazing in MNF and looks like he is going to be the guy in Detroit - which makes this team scary. If Burrow and Chase continue at this pace - this team is looking like a serious contender. On the flip side, can you imagine score 138 points and still losing? Must have been f*cked by the draft.

Prediction: Handy Rudgins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Handy Rudgins... RIGHT!!

With Love

Commish

Season: 26-30

Mystery Guest: 30-26

GD Top Drafted RB: K. Williams (111.1)

AH Top Drafted RB: B. Hall (100.2)

Week 8 Predictions

We are now at the halfway point in the season... let's take a look at where everything stands.

Top Team in the League: East/West TD's

There are 5 teams sitting at 5-2.... FIVE!! That is a wild stat by itself. However, of those 5 teams - I would not want to play Titties the most. They have deep lineup and they always seems to score points. They have scored over 150 points over half the time they play. They have big-time players who are focal points of their respective teams offenses.

Team Most Likely to Miss the Playoffs: Gluten Douches

It pains me to say this.... but they haven't won. They have a great looking lineup, but when you don't win - you can't make the playoffs. They do finish the season with 5 teams that have a below .500 record - but it might be too little too late. They may need to run the table to even have a chance. Mathematically, they sit at a 2% chance on ESPN - which bullsh*t (clearly more like 8%).

Team Most Likely to Collapse: The J-Bones

I said it before and I will say it again... I am shocked The J-Bones are where they are. They are one of the teams sitting at 5-2 and they are doing this without Nick Chubb and Mike Williams. Both of those players were expected to be huge contributors - props to The J-Bones for doing this well. However, it is extremely hard to sustain that pace without your top drafted dawgs... it could happen - not betting on it.

Team Most Likely to Make a Blockbuster Trade: Handy Rudgins

Handy Rudgins is in a unique position - they have pieces to the puzzle and are not out of the race. But they are just far enough away - that they will need to decide if they want to make a swing and go for it or if they are just going to ride it out into the sunset. They enough players that they could make a big trade and bolster the consistency of the starting lineup - which is what may need to happen in order to make the playoffs.

Remember, it is the top 8 that make it - you just gotta beat out 6 teams. Currently, if you have a winning record - you are making it. A lot can change in the last half of the season, but may the odds forever be in your favor!

Matchup of the Week

I Hate Chad G (4-3) v East/West TD's** (5-2)

I get it, I get it - Team Hatred has been in the MotW two weeks in row. Well guess what, this isn't America were everyone get a fair share and let anybody be int he MotW. Nah, f*ck that - you gotta earn it. East/West is the best team in the league right now - they earned it.

QB: Stafford v Cousins

Edge: Cousins

Reasoning: Besides the fact that Cousins and Vikings offense have to throw the ball 45+ times a game to get anything done - Stafford is playing Dallas. Dallas has been known to turn-up the heat on opposing QBs and they are coming off a bye week - plenty of time to prepare. 

RB: Barkley/Walker v McCaffrey/Etienne

Edge: McCaffrey/Etienne

Reasoning: CMC is Ruler of all things Fantasy Football.

WR: Waddle/Meyers v Hollywood/Puka

Edge: Waddle/Meyers

Reasoning: Did you read the QB ordeal? Puka is the best rated wide receiver in the bunch... but they have to play Dallas. Hate that matchup. Hollywood also has a matchup with Baltimore - Hate that matchup. This is just a matter of unfriendly matchups not playing in their favor.

TE: Pitts v Waller

Edge: Waller

Reasoning: I hate the Atlanta Falcons offense.... absolutely hate. You never who to trust and you never know who is going to play. On top of that Waller is finally becoming recognized in the NYG offense. Waller is averaging 15 points over that past three weeks - look for that trend to continue against the NYJ defense (who is strong on the outside and they force QBs to dump down and hit TE's).

FLEX: Pittman v Johnson

Edge: Pittman

Reasoning: Johnson is just getting back aaaaaannnndddd Pittsburgh offense is horrible. Minshew is not Richardson - he is better for his receivers. AR likes to run and miss targets - Minshew is little more accurate and he realizes that Pittman is the go-to guy. 

DEF/K: Eagles/Santos v Ravens/Younghoe

Edge: Ravens/Younghoe

Reasoning: I have always been a fan of young hoes.

Prediction: East/West Titties

Mystery Guest: East/West Titties

Gluten Douches (0-7) v Hoosier Daddy (3-4) 

You know what? Things will never change. I will always pick the Gluten Douches - shoot to get hot and shoot to stay hot. I have no reasoning, it hasn't worked yet, but when it does - it will be sweet.

Prediction: Gluten Douches

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy

Njigbas in Paris** (5-2) v Insert Team Name Here (2-5)

You know when you see those juicy NFL matchups... something like Houston v San Francisco... and you just want to throw piles of money on to San Francisco - because it is a lock. Well, here you go - I will let you guess which team is San Francisco and which team is Houston.

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris

No Time for Love (4-3) v I Miss Tom Brady (4-3)

This is the only other matchup (other than the MotW) that features two teams with a winning record. Unfortunately, they got there two different ways. No Time for Love had a very nice week last week and they come into this week sporting the number one QB and TE. On top of that, Kamara is the 3rd ranked RB if you go by average per game (1 is on the IR and 2 is McCaffrey). This team is starting to come together and they will be making a push at the backhalf... if you know what I mean.

Prediction: No Time for Love

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams* (5-2) v It Ertz when Eifert (3-4)

Honestly, these two teams look much different than their records suggest. Ertz scored the 2nd most points last week and ARBL has quite a few players on the IR. I think that ARBL will be the better team when it is all said and done, but not this week. Not with Lamar getting to play Zona and AJB and Kittle have good matchups this week as well. Ertz gets the win, that they deserve.

Prediction: Ertz when Eifert

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

The J-Bones** (5-2) v Ankle Holster (2-5)

Wildly enough, The J-Bones are still really good. Foreman was a big pickup (atleast until Herbert comes back for the Bears) and this team is solid throughout. Actually, let's not beat around the bush - I am losing in picks and I know the Mystery Guest is going to pick Ankle Holster.... which means I need to pick The J-Bones. C'mon Boners!

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Handy Rudgins (2-5) v PEN15 Wrinkle (5-2)

In a game of Rock/Paper/Scissors... a Handy always beats a PEN15.

Prediction: Handy Rudgins

Mystery Guest: Handy Rudgins

As always... good luck to everyone... except for you, Hoosier Daddy, may your entire roster turn into a body double and forget how to play football eerily similar to the fate of Demar Hamlin.

With Love

Commish

Week 7 Results

This is the point in time when I usually complain about how my team is getting screwed non-stop... but at this point we all get the picture. My team is bad, it is past the point of complaining - just flat-out, setting records, bad. The crazy part? Still not mathematically eliminated - which means there is still a chance. Is it a good chance? Hell no. 

It is like playing Russian Roulette - familiar? Only one chamber doesn't have a bullet - the rest are locked and loaded. Sound like fun? Nope, it isn't. Some teams are playing Russian Roulette with a cap gun - must be nice.

Matchup of the Week

I Hate Chad G (4-3) v Njigbas in Paris (5-2)

Well, the 49ers didn't look like the dominate 49ers a few weeks ago, but Jake Moody did what he needed to do - and they locked up the win for Njigbas. Both of these teams had a strong week and are looking like teams that could find themselves in the playoffs - this was a big match in terms of making a run for the top seed in their respective divisions. Njigbas is a solid team and got the win, with what even felt like an off-week for them - scary thought.

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!!

Gluten Douches (0-7) v No Time for Love (4-3)

What a time to be alive! Love Time is enjoying it's best week yet... shocked? Not this guy. F*ck Taylor Swift. Once she started slanging that cave around, Kelce has been going nuts. Kamara is back and looks like a wide receiver out of the backfield. When Kamara plays football - it looks like he moving at half speed and doesn't have a care in the world and then he has a bunch of yards and receptions. On the flip side, there is no f*cking flip side.

Prediction: Gluten Douches... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love... RIGHT!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (5-2) v The J-Bones** (5-2)

Can you just imagine how good The J-Bones would be with Nick Chubb and Mike Williams. They are sitting 5-2... and are looking like a serious contender for the title. Foreman and Downs were massive pickups - they will never be Chubb and Williams - but they did their role this week. On the flip side, PEN15 is still a solid team - this was never going to be their week. Their team comes together for the 2nd half of the season and they won't face nearly as many bye week issues.

Prediction: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Handy Rudgins (2-5) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams* (5-2)

This one wasn't settled until the end of the MNF game.... but it was pretty much settled after Sunday's games. Handy Rudgins didn't have a single player score more than 20 points and still scored 120+ points. That is not a bad week at all - consistent throughout the entire lineup. On the flip side, JT has been looking more and more like the top RB in Indy and that could make this team a little more deadly. Once they move past the injuries and they have Jefferson back - this team is poised and ready for the playoffs.

Prediction: Handy Rudgins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams.... WRONG!!

Hoosier Daddy (3-4) v Ankle Holster (2-5)

Talk about a battle of the brutal. Two bad teams, like I am one to talk, battling it out and one takes home a much needed win. There is a big difference between being 3-4 and being 2-5. Hoosier Daddy will look to build on this momentum and keep it going next week against the pitiful Douches. On the flip side, Ankle Holster will need to find a way to get a win soon - or they might be facing quickly eliminated as well.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

East/West TD's (5-2) v Ertz when Eifert (3-4)

You know what isn't fun? Scoring the 2nd most points in the week and still losing. Thanks to AJB and Lamar, Ertz would have beaten every other team in the league this week.... except Titties. Titties is my early favorite to win the whole league - they had 5 players score more than 20 points this week and 6 players inside the top 10 position rankings. This lineup is loaded and it is their league to win.

Prediction: East/West TDs... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: East/West TDs... RIGHT!!

Insert Team Name Here (2-5) v I Miss Tom Brady (4-3)

There are few teams that are already shaping up to miss the playoffs.... Insert Name is one of them. The problem is that this was a winnable matchup (outside of Mahomes). They just left too many points on the bench with Hunt/Palmer both scoring 15 points or more. On the flip side, Mahomes had himself a day and made a statement that the AFC West is and forever will be his. Outside of any player on the Chiefs, the team struggled.

Prediction: I Miss Tom Brady... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Insert Team Name Here... WRONG!!

With Love

Commish

Season: 21-18

Mystery Guest: 26-23

GD Top Drafted RB: K. Williams (111.1)

AH Top Drafted RB: J. Cook (89.5)

Week 7 Predictions

Here we are, another week in the books and we are almost (maybe even already) halfway done with the season. We have one team that has yet to get a win (my f*ckin team), 2 teams with only 1 loss - one team that I keep predicting to lose and doesn't (ARBL) and one team that accused multiple people of screwing him over in the draft (PEN15). No matter what happens the rest of the way, I am sure that I will keep complaining and that I will continue to absolutely suck at my picks. At some point, the law of averages have to bounce back right? Take the wins/losses for example. If our league was designed in a way that you received a win for being in the top half of points each week and you never had a matchup... the records would look vastly different. But, that is what makes sports so amazing - one team can win kicking 4 field goals and another team can lose scoring 35 points. Let's see who is going to have their best week this time...

Matchup of the Week

I Hate Chad G (4-2) v Njigbas in Paris** (4-2)

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris

Gluten Douches (0-6) v No Time for Love (3-3)

Prediction: Gluten Douches

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love

PEN15 Wrinkle (5-1) v The J-Bones** (4-2)

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Handy Rudgins (1-5) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams* (5-1)

Prediction: Handy Rudgins

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Hoosier Daddy (2-4) v Ankle Holster (2-4)

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

East/West TD's* (4-2) v Ertz when Eifert (3-3)

Prediction: East/West TD's

Mystery Guest: East/West TD's

Insert Team Name Here (2-4) v I Miss Tom Brady (3-3)

Prediction: I Miss Tom Brady

Mystery Guest: Insert Team Name Here

As always... good luck to everyone... except for you, No Time for Love, may your entire roster turn into a body double and forget how to play football eerily similar to the fate of Demar Hamlin.

With Love

Commish

Week 6 Results

Yeah, Yeah... I get it - you all think I am not writing a lot because my team lost.... yet again. Yet again, my opponent had their best scoring week. Let's just look at the stats for The Gluten Douches opponents...

Week 1 - The J-Bones... Belt Winners

Week 2 - East/West TD's... Belt Winners

Week 3 - Njigbas in Paris... Belt Winners

Week 4 - Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... 2 points away from being their 2nd best score ever

Week 5 - Handy Rudgins.... Personal Best Score by 20 points

Week 6 - I Hate Chad G.... Personal Best Score by 20 points

Unreal luck. However, this will not be a small post because of allllllll that. Nah, this is a small post because I am currently in sunny Florida with not a care in the world. Until I return to the cold, somber wasteland that is Indiana - I will get this bullsh*t out of my mind.

MotW

Ertz When Eifert (3-3) v PEN15 Wrinkle (5-1)

Winner: PEN15 Wrinkle

Loser: Ertz when Eifert

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ertz when Eifert... WRONG!!

I Hate Chad G (4-2) v The Gluten Douches (0-6)

Winner: I Hate Chad G

Loser: The Gluten Douches

Prediction: The Gluten Douches... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: I Hate Chad G... RIGHT!!

Ankle Holster (2-4) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams* (4-2)

Winner: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Loser: Ankle Holster

Prediction: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

No Time For Love (3-3) v The J-Bones** (4-2)

Winner: The J-Bones

Loser: No Time For Love

Prediction: No Time For Love... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: No Time For Love... WRONG!!

Njigbas in Paris** (4-2) v Handy Rudgins (1-5)

Winner: Njigbas in Paris

Loser: Handy Rudgins

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!!

I Miss Tom Brady (3-3) v Hoosier Daddy (2-4)

Winner: Hoosier Daddy

Loser: I Miss Tom Brady

Prediction: I Miss Tom Brady... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: I Miss Tom Brady... WRONG!! 

Insert Team Name Here (2-4) v East/West TD's* (4-2)

Winner: Insert Team Name Here

Loser: East/West TD's

Prediction: East/West TD's... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: East/West TD's... WRONG!!

With Love

Commish

Season: 15-27

Mystery Guest: 22-20

GD Top (Drafted) RB: K. Williams (111 points)

AH Top (Drafted) RB: B. Hall (78.9)

Week 6 Predictions

I know we joke around a lot about how Fantasy Football is life and that no other league matter than this one and all that.... but at some point.... it might reign true. For example....

I am currently in 4 different fantasy football leagues, 1 survival, 1 pick 'em pool. Here are the following rankings....

$100 fantasy league - 1st place, 5-0... had Chubb and Williams... but still the most dominate team

$50 fantasy league - 3rd place, 3-2... one game out of the top spot... love my team

$5 fantasy league - To be honest, I forget about this most of the time... just joined so a group would have enough... 5th place, 3-2... ehhhhh

$20 survival pool - 1 of 4 still alive, have some solid teams left to pick from... like my spot

$150 pick 'em league - 2nd place, can win money each week and big payout at the end if you win it all

OUR LEAGUE - 14th, 0-5... SORROW, DEPRESSION, SADNESS

Obviously, I love fantasy football and I love betting on games and just enjoy all that fun stuff that make up a degenerate. But nothing pains me more than my inability to win this league... even though it nowhere near the most financially beneficial. In fact, I won the $100 league last year - pocketed $750 - still upset about how bad I was in our league. As some point, the main hustle (our league) needs to be taken care of - you can't just keep working on the side hustles. So yes, all of my lovely readers - I am pissed that I am 0-5. I am pissed that I get on the waiver wire and there is no one good to pick-up. I am pissed that I look at other teams and there is not a player that I think is better than the players on my squad. I am pissed that I need to win out and no longer have room for error. I am pissed that the only league that I interact with other members every single day is the league that I happen to be 0-5. Eff fantasy football...

Matchup of the Week

Ertz when Eifert (3-2) v PEN15 Wrinkle (4-1)

This is one of two matchups that include two winning teams... we are at that point in the league. A nice side story: One team thinks I screwed them in the draft and the other team I supposedly fleeced in a trade. So in a way, this MotW is between two teams that I bent over and had my way with....

QB: L. Jackson v D. Prescott

Edge: D. Prescott

Reasoning: I know that my edge may come to a surprise to many of you... but just hear me out. LAC has given up 1,200 passing yards to opponents, which averages to 300 yards a game (they already had their bye week). This gives plenty of opportunity for Prescott to throw the ball... my bet? Prescott connects for 3 touchdown through the air this week.

RB: Pierce/McLaughlin v Henry/Montgomery

Edge:Henry/Montgomery

Reasoning: I am going to be honest, I just don't trust McLaughlin... I am not sure what is happening with Denver's offense. Williams might be coming back, he might not - he is like a Katy Perry hit, "You're hot then you're cold." On the flip side, Montgomery has been the most consistent performer of the 4 running backs and he is in the best offense of the four running backs. It is hard not to bet on that guy leading the pack.

WR: Brown/Bourne v Lamb/Jeudy

Edge: Lamb/Jeudy

Reasoning: Honestly, this is much closer than it may appear. Personally, I don't like the Bourne play - but I love A.J. Brown. Brown is like a fine wine.. better with age (and his numbers represent that). However, as stated with the QB face-off... I think the Cowboys offense could have a big day through the air. Lamb is in line to have a big week, whether Dallas wins or loses.

TE: Kittle v Andrews

Edge: Kittle

Reasoning: There are a few matchups at the TE position that can be as close as this one. In the TE world, there is Kelce and then about 5 TE's that are smashed together just behind him.... this is two of them. I am giving the edge to Kittle based upon what he did last week. I love watching Kittle play football - he plays the sport the right way... so I may be a little biased.

FLEX: Lockett v Evans

Edge: Lockett

Reasoning: I think that Evans will be ready to go, but I also know that hamstring issues are hard for a wide receiver (any player really) to recover from. At this point, I have to give the edge to Lockett.... but if Evans is a full go it will be much closer, if not a coin flip.

DEF/K: Dolphins/Elliott v Saints/Gay

Edge: Dolphins/Elliott

Reasoning: I will never give an edge to Gay.

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle

Mystery Guest: Ertz when Eifert

I Hate Chad G (3-2) v Gluten Douches (0-5)

I feel bad for Team Hatred... I really do. The Douches are about to go on a historic run, one that has never been seen before in this league. They are about to win the belt back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back times. Cue the Lebron James "Not one, not two...."

Prediction: Gluten Douches

Mystery Guest: I Hate Chad G

Ankle Holster (2-3) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams* (4-1)

There is just no beating around the bush... Justin Jefferson is (was) really good at football and really good at scoring in fantasy football. Having him placed on the IR and needing to replace him is going to be a struggle - it is going to take another DJ Moore type week for ARBL to win.... don't see it happening. Sadly, I have to prediction Ankle Holster getting the win.

Prediction: Ankle Holster

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

No Time for Love (3-2) v The J-Bones** (3-2)

I don't want to say it looks bleak for The J-bones, buuuuttttt when Josh Allen and Gabe Davis face-off against the Giants defense - it is going to be a rough week. Historically, Allen has had his way with the Giants defense... averaging 325 yards and 2.6 touchdowns. On top of that, Kamara looks like he might average 9 receptions a game for the whole season... woof. The J-Bones looked like a terrific team and this would have been fun matchup if Chubb and Williams didn't get hurt.

Prediction: No Time for Love

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love

Njigbas in Paris* (3-2) v Handy Rudgins (1-4)

Now this is what I am talking about... a true matchup of stacks. In one corner, we have Tua and Tyreek - number 1 rated wide receiver and the QB of a high octane air attack. In the other corner, we Burrow and Chase - arguably the best WR not on the IR and the coolest version of Macauly Caulkin. I think that Burrow and Chase win this battle, but the support of players around Tua/Tyreek (Allen/Goedert/St. Brown) will help Njigbas when this matchup.

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris

I Miss Tom Brady (3-2) v Hoosier Daddy (1-4)

I hate to keep beating a dead horse here - but I don't trust a lot of players that Hoosier Daddy has in his starting line-up. Wilson Jr. is coming off the IR and he could have a big week - I just don't know how quickly he will be implemented into the offensive scheme. I like Kupp and LaPorta and Olave could have a huge week, but it might not be able to count attack Mahome and Pacheco getting to play Denver's defense this week. In the past 4 weeks, Denver has given up 41 points a game - you think that will change when Mahomes faces-off against them? Nah baby nah.

Prediction: I Miss Tom Brady

Mystery Guest: I Miss Tom Brady

Insert Team Name Here (1-4) v East/West TD's* (4-1)

Titties is the real deal... bof of 'em. When you have a starting lineup with 5 positions inside the PRK of 5... this is the team to beat from here on out. They will be crushing can with their cans from here on out.

Prediction: East/West TD's

Mystery Gust: East/West TD's

As always.... good luck to everyone... except for you, I Hate Chad G, may your entire roster turn into a body double and forget how to play football eerily similar to the fate of Demar Hamlin.

With Love

Commish

Week 5 Results

At some point you begin to look around for cameras. Like, "Am I getting Punk'D here?" If any of you are not fully aware of what happened.... Gluten Douches lost to Handy Rudgins - the only other 0-4 team in the league. On top of that, Handy was averaging 91.7 points a week.... HE SCORED 141 F*CKING POINTS!!

I mean, whatever I have done to deserve this (swindle a few trades) - punishment accepted, time is served. This may be the longest we have gone with someone not getting a win. Now you just can't be that fag bag that lets the Douches get a win. Well, guess what... they might not lose again. All. Season. Long. So buckle up b*tches, cuz we are taking a trip to Douche Town.

Matchup of the Week

Gluten Douches (0-5) v Handy Rudgins (1-4)

If you haven't, read the top part of the blog. Also, the only sad part is that Handy Rudgins didn't win the belt. He had the Jimmy Chaz (52 points) and Burrow (23 points) connection going - it is a real shame... but a win is a win and I am sure that is all Handy Rudgins was looking for!

Prediction: Gluten Douches... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Handy Rudgins... RIGHT!!

It Ertz when Eifert (3-2) v No Time for Love (3-2)

It almost happened, Ertz when Eifert almost pulled another win out at the end. No Time for Love had no other options as players from the Packers did not play or struggled mightily - it was Monday Night Football. Aaron Jones did not play and Jayden Reed might as well have not played. If it wasn't for the defense and the kicker - No Time for Love would be wondering how they let this one got away from them. Ertz got a huge week from Kittle and it looks like McLaughlin has really carved out a role for himself in Denver.

Prediction: No Time for Love.... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love... RIGHT!!

Aaron Rodger Blows Llams* (4-1) v Njigbas in Paris (3-2)

You know what puts a target on your back? Beating the hottest team in the league and winning the belt in doing so. Moore got things going in the TNF and then Moss (Zach not Randy) kept it going. It was a big win and makes them the team to beat moving forward. This team will need to monitor the Moss/Taylor debacle, as well as monitor Jefferson and see how his injury is handled in Minnesota. Njigbas is now a team that finds themselves in the middle of the pack - but the top of the middle. On the bright side, Goedert finally had a good week - which could be valuable moving forward.

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris.... WRONG!!

Ankle Holster (2-3) v I miss Tom Brady (3-2)

I mean talk about a very underwhelming matchup. The Jets finally realized where they most prolific offensive weapon is... and the entire fantasy and gambling community should take note: Play/Bet on offenses going against Denver. This is now 3 straight weeks Denver has given up 100+ rushing yards and a touchdown to opposing running backs... Pacheco is up next. On the flip side, just not the week for TB12. Everyone was on the bottom half of their average (written before MNF) and something needs to be done!

*I will tip the cap and give credit where credit is due.... Ankle Holster not only called the win, they also called Breece Hall having a huge game - maybe he was already thinking about the Denver defensive woes!

Prediction: I miss Tom Bray... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... RIGHT!!

The J-Bones** (3-2) v I Hate Chad G (3-2)

I mean it is really feast of famine for The J-Bones. Their team average when they win... 140 points and their magic number is 137 - they have never lost scoring this many points, and they have also never scored less than this and won. On the flip side, they average 88 points when they lose. Some would say, "You will score less when you lose and more when you win, this is a dumb stat." That is where I will bet/raise you good sir.... let's take the team they just lost to. Team Hatred averages 76.7 points when they lose and 117 points when they win. A difference of 40 points... The J-Bones difference is 52 points.

Prediction: I Hate Chad G... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (4-1) v Insert Team Name Here (1-4)

Achane: 21.5 points

Mostert: 15.8 points

It came down to what I said it would come down to (not really, but it did work out that way). I won't say it was because of the Saints defense scoring 22 points and being Wrinkle's leading scorer. I won't say it was because Hunter Henry and Devanta Smith combined for 1.6 points. I will just say it was because Achane outscored Mostert.

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle... RIGHT!!

Hoosier Daddy (1-4) v East/West TD's (4-1)

We are now approaching the point in the season when it is the "have's" and the "have's nots." Titties has the goods... CMC only scored 13.8 points and they stilll scored 137 points - hey league, that should be a scary thought. East/West TD's is currently my top team to beat. On the flip side, Fields had the week of his career - well, DJ Moore did and it benefitted Fields - and the whole time he was on the bench. Instead, Richardson got hurt and finished with 4.4 points. Luckily though, there are still 6 teams with 2 or less wins and everybody can still make a run.

Prediction: East/West TD's... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: East/West TD's... RIGHT!!

With Love

Commish

Season: 13-22

Mystery Guest: 20-15

GD Top RB: 89.3 (K Williams)

AH Top RB: 63.2 (J. Cook)

Week 5 Predictions

Annnnnddd...... the first third of the season is done and gone. Some teams are in a great positions for the playoffs already, while others are struggling and have yet to even lock up their first win. It is time for the 1/3 of the season awards....

MVP: Christian McCaffrey, East/West TD's

As if there was any doubt, CMC is an absolute freak and playing out of his mind right now. There are numbers to back it up as well - CMC is averaging 30 points a week... AVERAGING!! He has yet to score less than 22 points, which is something no other running back can say. In fact, CMC should not just be the fantasy MVP - he should be in the running for the NFL. He is the focal point of the a team that is easily playing the best football.

Top QB: Justin Herbert, Insert Team Name Here

Sure, he is the number rated QB - it should make it an easy choice right? Not necessarily, in what is probably the tightest position... Herbert edges everyone out with consistency. He has yet to have a week with less than 22 points and is a player that you can count on. However, there are a few players that coming after the top spot (J. Allen/J. Hurts). Only time will tell if Herbert can keep it up - but I think this is the Herbert that is too be expected and last year was a fluke with all the injuries to his weapons.

Top RB: Christian McCaffrey, East/West TD's

See "MVP"

Top WR: Justin Jefferson, Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Let's be real, Jefferson might end up going down as one of the greatest NFL wide receivers to ever play the game. To think that he was averaging 24 points through the first two weeks and that didn't include a touchdown. Jefferson is the youngest receiver to reach 5,000 yards for his career - he is a freak and he happens to be on a team that has no run game and will need to throw ball in order to stay in games.

Top TE: Travis Kelce, No Time For Love

The name may not be a shock, but Kelce is actually not the highest scoring TE - Mark Andrews is. Honestly, either tight end would be fine so far in the season. Kelce missed week 1, but has began to post his consistent numbers. He (and Andrews) is on an offense that will focus on him and he will get plenty of red zone targets as the season progresses.

Top DEF: Dallas, The J-Bones

This should be no surprise to anyone who has paid attention. Micah Parsons is HIM. Dallas knows how to pressure the ball and they are averaging the most points - even with a fluke week of -2 points. Do you know what that means? If you remove the fluke week, Dallas is averaging 22 points a week - which would make them the 2nd or 3rd best QB!! Unreal start to the season.

Steal of the Draft: Kyren Williams, The Gluten Douches

This also should not be a surprise... although there are many possible options. To be fair, it was either Kyren Williams or De'von Achane - but Achane was dropped and then picked up... whoops! Kyren has used the Jedi Force to power him to the a top 5 season thus far and is averaging above 20 points. Whether or not that will stay steady is to be seen... but for now - he is a diamond in the rough!

Waiver Wire Pick-up: Puka Nucua, East/West TD's

Yup, Puka is the clear winner here. Achane was dropped and picked up... but Puka was never drafted in the first place. He is nearly averaging 24 points a week and continues to surprise me by not having a drop off. What will happen when Kupp comes back? Who cares - Kupp is not here now and Puka has definitely taken advantage.

Trade of the Seaon: Gluten Douches and Ertz when Eifert

We don't need to go through the terms and who was traded where... just know that Ertz when Eifert is 3-0 since the trade and Gluten has yet to win a game... guess we all know who won that trade!!

Matchup of the Week

Gluten Douches (0-4) v Handy Rudgins (0-4)

QB: Burrow v Dobbs

Edge: Burrow

Reasoning: The ironic part of this situation... by names alone - you would assume Burrow is dominating this matchup. However, Dobbs is actually averaging nearly twice as many points as Burrow. Burrow has signed a huge contract and then decided he didn't even want to play football. I am still going to give the edge to Burrow... these QB actually face-off and I am going to say the matchup is much friendly for Burrow and the boys.

RB: B. Robinson/K. Williams v J. Gibbs/D. Swift

Edge: Robinson/Williams

Reasoning: Robinson and Williams get the edge... but not by as much as what it should be. Gibbs and Swift have had solid seasons and at any point either one could have an enormous game. It hurts that Montgomery is coming off a big week and will most likely take more carries/opportunity from Gibbs. Robinson is a running back that needs to be saved from Atlanta - but for fantasy it is not so bad, since he is the only productive player on the team. Williams has had a crazy start and looks like the sole workhorse for LA Rams.

WR: D. Adams/T. Boyd v J. Chase/Z. Flowers

Edge: Adams/Boyd

Reasoning: Adams is the best receiver in the group of four. If you asked at the beginning of the season Chase would have been, but for some reason - Burrow is struggling.... like struggling really bad. Douches have a slew of WR's they could put in that second spot: Boyd/Pickens/Thomas - Boyd has the best matchup... but yet again, Burrow is a buttsucker at this point. Adams is the sole reason they get the edge.

TE: Hockenson v Engram

Edge: Hockenson

Reasoning: Hockenson is apart of the Minnesota offense - the offense that doesn't know how to run the ball and throws it fifty times a game. Guess what... some of those passes go to Hockenson. On top of that, Engram has to face off against Buffalo's defense - who is just getting going. Gonna be tough sledding for Engram and Hockenson will definitely get his opportunities against KC's defense.

FLEX: Coin Flip

Edge: No effin' clue

Reasoning: At this point, it is impossible to decipher who is going to play in the flex for either team. No way to predict this battle - there a slew of players that could play here. 

DEF/K: Denver/McManus v Titans/Butker

Edge: Titans/Burker

Reasoning: Gotta get me a clear cut tier 1 kicker.... Mr. BUTKER!! Besides that fact.... Denver absolutely blows as a defense.

Prediction: Gluten Douches

Mystery Guest: Handy Rudgins

It Ertz when Eifert (3-1) v No Time for Love (2-2)

Every so often there are teams that come along in fantasy and you have no idea why - but they just keep winning. Some say they are just lucky and others say they just have the mojo. Ertz when Eifert has the mojo. They made a trade and since then they have been 3-0... they have gotten big games when they needed them - think about this, they are 3-1 and they have scored more than 25 points LESS than points scored against them. No Time for Love is a serious contender for strongest lineup... as long as Kamara can continue to do what he did in his first week back. The mojo comes to an end this week and Eifert's run hits a speed bump.

Prediction: No Time for Love

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (3-1) v Njigbas in Paris* (3-1)

Let's be real, if we didn't have a battle of the last two winless teams - this would be the MotW. These teams are playoff contenders and someone is going to control of the Rock Hard division. ARBL needs to have a big TNF game with DJ Moore and Herbert going. If they can take control of this matchup it will help try and balance out Tua and Hill getting the NY Giants defense. Njigbas is dealing with some bye week issues, but Miami getting to play a porous NY Giants defense - if they take advantage of the matchup, Njigbas is in a nice spot. The bigger question is whether or not J. Taylor is going to play and when is ARBL going play him?

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris

Ankle Holster (1-3) v I Miss Tom Brady (3-1)

I could go on and on talking about actual matchup - like Mahomes and Pacheco having a comfy matchup against Minnesota's defense. Or I could even bring up the fact that J. Cook and S. Diggs have to travel to London and how detrimental that is to a player's performance. Or I could even talk about how the Raiders defense actually defended the pass decently against the LA Chargers - a superior air attack over Green Bay (Love/Musgrave/Watson). I won't say any of that crap, instead I will just say that I am pick I Miss Tom Brady solely because I know Ankle Holster is picking Ankle Holster.

Prediction: I Miss Tom Brady

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... bold call with Breece Hall balling out this week!

The J-Bones** (3-1) v I Hate Chad G (2-2)

You think to yourself... how is it possible that a team lost Nick Chubb and Mike Williams and then won the belt? How? Cole Kmet and Dallas defense. Will it happen against this week? Nah baby nah. Kmet now shifts to a TNF game against Washington's defense - a much better defense than Denver. On top of that, look at TNF TE performances the past 4 weeks...

Week 1: Laporta (8.9 points) 5 points less than his average/Kelce... didn't play

Week 2: Hockenson (26.6 points) wayyyy above his average/Goedert (8.2 points) finished above his average

Week 3: Waller (5 points) 3 point less than his average/Kittle (16 points) wayyy above his average

Week 4: Laporta (9.3 points) 5 points less than his average/Musgrave (1.1 points) wayyy below average

Essentially, if you are not a top 3/4 TE - you are going to underperform on TNF. With that in mind, I Hate Chad G has a legitimate chance - just don't play O'Connell!!

Prediction: I Hate Chad G

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

PEN15 Wrinkle (3-1) v Insert Team Name Here (1-3)

Well, well, well... looks like we have a trade and it has made this matchup that much more interesting. Team Name has acquired T. Lawrence and R. Mostert from The J-Bones - but why is that interesting? We now have have Mostert v Achane - two different Miami running backs that have had big weeks. Both running backs find themselves in the top 5 for position ranking. Team Name is dealing with a major bye week and a large portion of their starting lineup is out. If they were at full strength, they win this matchup - but now? It going to take a monster week from Mostert... which I just don't see happening with the way Achane has been playing.

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle

Hoosier Daddy (1-3) v East/West TD's* (3-1)

This matchup is just a matter of one team having the goods and the other team not. Hoosier Daddy does welcome Kupp back to the lineup (hopefully), and it will be intriguing to see what happens to Puka - which just so happens to be playing for East/West. Hoosier Daddy has players that could make big plays happen (Olave/Addison) - but those same players could also put up dud weeks. It is hard to going against Titties - CMC has been playing lights out and until Stafford proves that Puka is just Kupp's placeholder, I am going to give the edge to Puka and East/West.

Prediction: East/West TD's

Mystery Guest: East/West TD's

As always... good luck to everyone... except for you, Handy Rudgins, may your entire roster turn into a body double and forget how to play football eerily similar to the fate of Demar Hamlin.

With Love

Commish