Week 5 Predictions

Annnnnddd...... the first third of the season is done and gone. Some teams are in a great positions for the playoffs already, while others are struggling and have yet to even lock up their first win. It is time for the 1/3 of the season awards....

MVP: Christian McCaffrey, East/West TD's

As if there was any doubt, CMC is an absolute freak and playing out of his mind right now. There are numbers to back it up as well - CMC is averaging 30 points a week... AVERAGING!! He has yet to score less than 22 points, which is something no other running back can say. In fact, CMC should not just be the fantasy MVP - he should be in the running for the NFL. He is the focal point of the a team that is easily playing the best football.

Top QB: Justin Herbert, Insert Team Name Here

Sure, he is the number rated QB - it should make it an easy choice right? Not necessarily, in what is probably the tightest position... Herbert edges everyone out with consistency. He has yet to have a week with less than 22 points and is a player that you can count on. However, there are a few players that coming after the top spot (J. Allen/J. Hurts). Only time will tell if Herbert can keep it up - but I think this is the Herbert that is too be expected and last year was a fluke with all the injuries to his weapons.

Top RB: Christian McCaffrey, East/West TD's

See "MVP"

Top WR: Justin Jefferson, Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Let's be real, Jefferson might end up going down as one of the greatest NFL wide receivers to ever play the game. To think that he was averaging 24 points through the first two weeks and that didn't include a touchdown. Jefferson is the youngest receiver to reach 5,000 yards for his career - he is a freak and he happens to be on a team that has no run game and will need to throw ball in order to stay in games.

Top TE: Travis Kelce, No Time For Love

The name may not be a shock, but Kelce is actually not the highest scoring TE - Mark Andrews is. Honestly, either tight end would be fine so far in the season. Kelce missed week 1, but has began to post his consistent numbers. He (and Andrews) is on an offense that will focus on him and he will get plenty of red zone targets as the season progresses.

Top DEF: Dallas, The J-Bones

This should be no surprise to anyone who has paid attention. Micah Parsons is HIM. Dallas knows how to pressure the ball and they are averaging the most points - even with a fluke week of -2 points. Do you know what that means? If you remove the fluke week, Dallas is averaging 22 points a week - which would make them the 2nd or 3rd best QB!! Unreal start to the season.

Steal of the Draft: Kyren Williams, The Gluten Douches

This also should not be a surprise... although there are many possible options. To be fair, it was either Kyren Williams or De'von Achane - but Achane was dropped and then picked up... whoops! Kyren has used the Jedi Force to power him to the a top 5 season thus far and is averaging above 20 points. Whether or not that will stay steady is to be seen... but for now - he is a diamond in the rough!

Waiver Wire Pick-up: Puka Nucua, East/West TD's

Yup, Puka is the clear winner here. Achane was dropped and picked up... but Puka was never drafted in the first place. He is nearly averaging 24 points a week and continues to surprise me by not having a drop off. What will happen when Kupp comes back? Who cares - Kupp is not here now and Puka has definitely taken advantage.

Trade of the Seaon: Gluten Douches and Ertz when Eifert

We don't need to go through the terms and who was traded where... just know that Ertz when Eifert is 3-0 since the trade and Gluten has yet to win a game... guess we all know who won that trade!!

Matchup of the Week

Gluten Douches (0-4) v Handy Rudgins (0-4)

QB: Burrow v Dobbs

Edge: Burrow

Reasoning: The ironic part of this situation... by names alone - you would assume Burrow is dominating this matchup. However, Dobbs is actually averaging nearly twice as many points as Burrow. Burrow has signed a huge contract and then decided he didn't even want to play football. I am still going to give the edge to Burrow... these QB actually face-off and I am going to say the matchup is much friendly for Burrow and the boys.

RB: B. Robinson/K. Williams v J. Gibbs/D. Swift

Edge: Robinson/Williams

Reasoning: Robinson and Williams get the edge... but not by as much as what it should be. Gibbs and Swift have had solid seasons and at any point either one could have an enormous game. It hurts that Montgomery is coming off a big week and will most likely take more carries/opportunity from Gibbs. Robinson is a running back that needs to be saved from Atlanta - but for fantasy it is not so bad, since he is the only productive player on the team. Williams has had a crazy start and looks like the sole workhorse for LA Rams.

WR: D. Adams/T. Boyd v J. Chase/Z. Flowers

Edge: Adams/Boyd

Reasoning: Adams is the best receiver in the group of four. If you asked at the beginning of the season Chase would have been, but for some reason - Burrow is struggling.... like struggling really bad. Douches have a slew of WR's they could put in that second spot: Boyd/Pickens/Thomas - Boyd has the best matchup... but yet again, Burrow is a buttsucker at this point. Adams is the sole reason they get the edge.

TE: Hockenson v Engram

Edge: Hockenson

Reasoning: Hockenson is apart of the Minnesota offense - the offense that doesn't know how to run the ball and throws it fifty times a game. Guess what... some of those passes go to Hockenson. On top of that, Engram has to face off against Buffalo's defense - who is just getting going. Gonna be tough sledding for Engram and Hockenson will definitely get his opportunities against KC's defense.

FLEX: Coin Flip

Edge: No effin' clue

Reasoning: At this point, it is impossible to decipher who is going to play in the flex for either team. No way to predict this battle - there a slew of players that could play here. 

DEF/K: Denver/McManus v Titans/Butker

Edge: Titans/Burker

Reasoning: Gotta get me a clear cut tier 1 kicker.... Mr. BUTKER!! Besides that fact.... Denver absolutely blows as a defense.

Prediction: Gluten Douches

Mystery Guest: Handy Rudgins

It Ertz when Eifert (3-1) v No Time for Love (2-2)

Every so often there are teams that come along in fantasy and you have no idea why - but they just keep winning. Some say they are just lucky and others say they just have the mojo. Ertz when Eifert has the mojo. They made a trade and since then they have been 3-0... they have gotten big games when they needed them - think about this, they are 3-1 and they have scored more than 25 points LESS than points scored against them. No Time for Love is a serious contender for strongest lineup... as long as Kamara can continue to do what he did in his first week back. The mojo comes to an end this week and Eifert's run hits a speed bump.

Prediction: No Time for Love

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (3-1) v Njigbas in Paris* (3-1)

Let's be real, if we didn't have a battle of the last two winless teams - this would be the MotW. These teams are playoff contenders and someone is going to control of the Rock Hard division. ARBL needs to have a big TNF game with DJ Moore and Herbert going. If they can take control of this matchup it will help try and balance out Tua and Hill getting the NY Giants defense. Njigbas is dealing with some bye week issues, but Miami getting to play a porous NY Giants defense - if they take advantage of the matchup, Njigbas is in a nice spot. The bigger question is whether or not J. Taylor is going to play and when is ARBL going play him?

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris

Ankle Holster (1-3) v I Miss Tom Brady (3-1)

I could go on and on talking about actual matchup - like Mahomes and Pacheco having a comfy matchup against Minnesota's defense. Or I could even bring up the fact that J. Cook and S. Diggs have to travel to London and how detrimental that is to a player's performance. Or I could even talk about how the Raiders defense actually defended the pass decently against the LA Chargers - a superior air attack over Green Bay (Love/Musgrave/Watson). I won't say any of that crap, instead I will just say that I am pick I Miss Tom Brady solely because I know Ankle Holster is picking Ankle Holster.

Prediction: I Miss Tom Brady

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... bold call with Breece Hall balling out this week!

The J-Bones** (3-1) v I Hate Chad G (2-2)

You think to yourself... how is it possible that a team lost Nick Chubb and Mike Williams and then won the belt? How? Cole Kmet and Dallas defense. Will it happen against this week? Nah baby nah. Kmet now shifts to a TNF game against Washington's defense - a much better defense than Denver. On top of that, look at TNF TE performances the past 4 weeks...

Week 1: Laporta (8.9 points) 5 points less than his average/Kelce... didn't play

Week 2: Hockenson (26.6 points) wayyyy above his average/Goedert (8.2 points) finished above his average

Week 3: Waller (5 points) 3 point less than his average/Kittle (16 points) wayyy above his average

Week 4: Laporta (9.3 points) 5 points less than his average/Musgrave (1.1 points) wayyy below average

Essentially, if you are not a top 3/4 TE - you are going to underperform on TNF. With that in mind, I Hate Chad G has a legitimate chance - just don't play O'Connell!!

Prediction: I Hate Chad G

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

PEN15 Wrinkle (3-1) v Insert Team Name Here (1-3)

Well, well, well... looks like we have a trade and it has made this matchup that much more interesting. Team Name has acquired T. Lawrence and R. Mostert from The J-Bones - but why is that interesting? We now have have Mostert v Achane - two different Miami running backs that have had big weeks. Both running backs find themselves in the top 5 for position ranking. Team Name is dealing with a major bye week and a large portion of their starting lineup is out. If they were at full strength, they win this matchup - but now? It going to take a monster week from Mostert... which I just don't see happening with the way Achane has been playing.

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle

Hoosier Daddy (1-3) v East/West TD's* (3-1)

This matchup is just a matter of one team having the goods and the other team not. Hoosier Daddy does welcome Kupp back to the lineup (hopefully), and it will be intriguing to see what happens to Puka - which just so happens to be playing for East/West. Hoosier Daddy has players that could make big plays happen (Olave/Addison) - but those same players could also put up dud weeks. It is hard to going against Titties - CMC has been playing lights out and until Stafford proves that Puka is just Kupp's placeholder, I am going to give the edge to Puka and East/West.

Prediction: East/West TD's

Mystery Guest: East/West TD's

As always... good luck to everyone... except for you, Handy Rudgins, may your entire roster turn into a body double and forget how to play football eerily similar to the fate of Demar Hamlin.

With Love

Commish