Week 10 Results

Every Sunday I head over to my good buddy's (no, he is not a cop) house and we watch football on the NFL Ticket. Yes, it can be confusing - there are 8 games going on at once and it can be sensory overload. Yet, it is still so much fun and I would never want to spend a Sunday afternoon doing something different. 

If watching 8 different screens sounds tough enough by itself - let's not forget that there are a few drinks that are being consumed throughout the afternoon. I am not talking about orange juice or milk - we are talking adult libations. Usually, I will reach a certain point where I begin to throw ridiculous ideas. Every so often, one idea sticks - and we have a debate about whether that is actually possible or not. Here are a few of them....

1. With a year of training, I could start in the WNBA. 

2. With a year of training, I could beat Frank Gore in a 5-mile race.

3. With two years of training, I could make past stage 1 on American Ninja Warrior.

There are others - but thing is, I can't remember them, I guess that happens when you are slightly inebriated. Let's break these thoughts down....

1. WNBA Challenge....

First, I would like to state that I am 6'4" and that does matter for this specific challenge. Yes, I would not be the biggest athlete in the WNBA - nor the biggest male athlete, let us not forget about Britney Griner. However, after a year of training I could very easily become one of the strongest/athletic players in the WNBA. We must remember, men's bodies are built differently. That is not just a chauvinistic statement - that is scientific fact. 

Secondly, there would be players that are better. That is one fact that I will not debate - however, I could very easily become a double-double player day in and day out. I fairly positive that stat line would earn me a starting position. Let's break it down even further...

Sylvia Fowles (WNBA MVP) is 6'5" and weighs 201 pounds. She is 32 years old and won the WNBA MVP award in 2017. Now, if I were to walk into a WNBA facility right now (without my year of training) I would be very similar to the same body frame as Fowles. After one year of training I would be able to out jump her and have more strength than her. There does come a point in basketball when someone can find a role on a team based purely on athleticism.

2. Frank Gore race...

This one is a little different basis on my statement. Frank Gore is a great athlete - I am never going to argue that. However, he is not an endurance runner. Gore has trained his body to take hits from linebackers and lineman and freight trains. I will not be spending my year of training do that. Instead, I will solely focused on training my endurance and my ability to run 5-miles at the fastest time possible.

Many runners argue whether or not Usain Bolt could run one mile in 5:30. Yes, that is still very fast. However, the disagreement is in his stamina and if he could hold that pace for just one mile. If he were forced to 5 miles (with no additional training) he may average 7:00 to 7:30 pace - if not higher. Without any training, it is much harder for ones body to adjust between two different athletic events.

3. Ninja Warrior....

To me, and this may sound crazy, this is the most unlikely challenge. I do think I could do it - especially since I would get two years to train. Remember, I am 6'4" so many of the qualifying events would not pose as big of a threat as many would think. The issue would be when I have to go against consecutive hanging obstacles. However, most of the time many of those obstacles (which are back to back) don't come until the city finals and Las Vegas finals.

Some of the obstacles I would be facing: quintuple steps, log roll, jumping spider, some sort of balance obstacle, another bouncing/balance obstacle, and the warped wall.

Now, please remember that I only said pass the city qualifying course. I just have to make the top 30, I don't have to beat the course. Although, I am fairly positive that the warped wall could easily be beaten by someone with my height and two years of training. The issue that would be extremely difficult for me - no matter how much training - would be the balance obstacles. Sometimes those take out even the best American Ninja Warriors. So yes, there is a chance of someone losing whether they are extremely good or just some business teacher.

My argument is really more based on the fact that I believe in two years of training I could be proficient enough at the obstacles that I could complete every obstacle. Then I would just need to avoid the accidental mistake. I believe that anyone with dedication and commitment can prepare themselves to do anything in two years. So yes, ANW here I come in 2019!

Now, to what you really care about....

Juan Fatt Bidge (2-8) 124
Sergio Dippsh*ts (3-7) 128.4

Words can not describe the frustration this week has provided. It has happened again, Sergio has now just scored his highest season total - in fact in every single matchup this season (his score and his opponent's) only one person has beaten his score this week. Congrats, super happy for you Sergio - although we are both out of the playoffs, you have avoided the bottom of the league. What can I say? I do love being on the bottom!

Result: Sergio Dippsh*ts wins

Prediction: Juan Fatt Bidge wins.... WRONG!!

Aaron Rodgers is GAY (4-6) 83.1
Mizuno Blue (6-4) 135.6

What a big week for Mizuno Blue - scoring the highest score of anyone. On the flip side, ARIG scored the lowest point total this week. 

It is like Mizuno Blue's players are afraid of being traded. They must perform every week other wise "The Swindler" might send them packing. Maybe a strategy every owner should look into - I mean Montgomery was so afraid he was going to get traded that he made sure he scored a touchdown before getting injured. 

In the quarterback matchup Brees won, however in the game - Ingram stole the show. Well actually, the entire Saints' backfield stole the show. Who would have thought the Saints are able to go away from home and run the ball all over the field? Historically, the Saints have been the team that struggle in away games. Historically, Brees throws the ball all over the place. I guess there is a reason why it is historically and not presently!

Result: Mizuno Blue wins

Prediction: ARIG wins.... WRONG!!

Waco Kids (6-4) 118.2
Hoosier Daddy (5-5) 126

I believe that this was a preview of a future playoff matchup, dare I say championship matchup?

I must give props to Burkhead as a great decision to play. It is really unfortunate that Kamara had himself a big day - thanks to the Saints deciding to run the ball the entire game. It is amazing that Hoosier Daddy had four positions score 6 points or less and still managed to score 126 points. I know other owners will be very upset if he makes the playoffs. 

Overall, and hard fought battle and one that I believe we will see again in the future!!

Result: Hoosier Daddy wins

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy wins...RIGHT!!

Prible is my B*tch (5-5) 88.3
BringBack Harbs (6-4) 87

It is incredibly frustrating that someone is going to be a considered a winner in this matchup!  Nonetheless, you only have to beat the person that is in front of you - and PIMB did just that. It was extremely close and it is a shame, a damn shame, that the Dolphins got blown out - had that not been the case Stewart would have more than likely been given enough touches to swing the pendulum the other way. 

However, what a good win for a team that was so reliant on one player (Elliott). You managed to really make up for that loss with Powell and Jones - I mean 4.8 points is untouchable. Way to go big guy!! Hey, wait a second - is this the 2nd week in a row that PIMB has started 2 Jets' running backs? I believe it is! Last week it was Powell and Forte and this week is was Powell and McGuire. I think he is on to something. If you any bit of superstitious, you need to continue to start two Jets' running backs!!

Result: PIMB wins

Prediction: PIMB wins....RIGHT!!

Team Price is a Dick (7-3) 91.6
Certified "G" (4-6) 83.2

I have to admit, I am pulling for TPIAD to win the entire league. Why? Considering four of those positions were once mine - I have to root for that team! I do find it ironic that everyone was stating how badly TPIAD got screwed when he traded away Bell and yet here he is bringing in another win. Baldwin, Walker, and Hyde all in the top four point getters for TPIAD - you are welcome!

Certified - you are getting close to joining myself and Sergio in the elimination ring. You need to win out and then you need some teams to lose, yours chance are not good - but they are better than mine!!

Result: TPIAD wins

Prediction: TPIAD wins...RIGHT

The J-Bones (5-5) 108.2
John Robles (5-5) 126.3

Who would have thought that Bobby Woods would score the most points of any starting player this week? Unreal. "Hooked on a Thielen" has at least been consistent enough to merit his explosion. However, if you take a deeper look at Woods - in the two games after the bye week, he has 4 touchdowns, 12 receptions, 240 yards. That is not bad at all. Can he keep it up? I will say this, if he does - Robles will be finding themselves sitting pretty in the playoffs!!

Also, I would like make note of the fact that my favorite bar drink - a pint of Darkwa - did have a decent week. Way to go buddy!!

Result: John Robles wins

Prediction: John Robles wins...RIGHT!!

Dakster's Lab (6-4) 89.1
Sagging TD's (6-4) 91.7

I would like to apologize to both of these teams. Somehow, I forgot to have there prediction titled with their team names. For that I am sorry!!

For your performances - you both should apologize! Antonio Brown had 7 points against the Colts defense? A defense that just lost their best secondary defender! C'mon on man, you are lucky the rest of team picked up the slack and did your job for you.

On the flip side, Dak is going to need to score more points than that if he wants to even make the playoffs! How did Howard only score 5 points against the Packers? No Beuno.

Result: Sagging TD's wins

Prediction: Dakster Lab wins...WRONG!!

This Week: 4-3

Season: 36-34

Competitor Week: 3-4

Competitor Season: 34-36

Mwah

Week 10 Predictions

I will not lie, once you hit the elimination weeks - and you are eliminated - it is difficult to stay involved. However, it is your duty to the league to stay active and continue to finish the league. There will come a point when you could greatly change someone else's playoff chances - either by playing or not playing. In the creation of the fantasy league you would not have said, "Hey, if you are mathematically eliminated before the end of the season - go ahead and just stop trying!"

One example, after Juan Fatt Bidge was essentially eliminated I made a joke, "Who wants Le'Veon Bell?" When in all reality, I would never actually do that. You can't just trade away players just because you are eliminated. This is one of the reasons why a keeper league is very important. Players can trade away players at that point - for other players and maybe even next year's draft picks. It turns into an actual dynasty league - which is really cool.

Our league is not currently a keeper league - but we will be hopefully starting a keeper league in the near future! Although, that would mean that we would need our owner's to actually be active. That would be an issue for one of our teams...

Team of the Week: Prible is my B*tch

First off, I love the team name. I think you have to send a message to your fellow opponents. You know, let them know. In fact, you should really take your team name to heart and force him to hold your pocket in the hallways. If you don't understand that - you haven't lived! Or you haven't gone to jail, either way.

Secondly, I would like to congratulate Nick for being the owner of the Team of the Week. Good Job little buddy! If you would like to pass the word on to your father that you have won this prestigious award, please do!

Thirdly, how can a team full of "people beaters" still be in the playoff push? Well, Elliott has yet to actually be suspended. He was a women beater - allegedly. Green was not suspended. He was a player beater - everyone saw it on national television. Gordon was just re-instated. He was a weed beater - no "weed bud" around him had a chance of surviving.

Fourthly, I have thought of some new names for you....

Meat Beaters

Elliott uses his Powell against women

Suck it Goodell

Nick's Team

Just a few options for you - let me know if you like any!

On to what you really came here for....

Juan Fatt Bidge v Sergio Dippsh*ts

Everybody loves a good bottom - why not two? Which one will penetrate to the top?

Quarterback: It is interesting that both quarterbacks are playing each other on Monday night. Newton gets the advantage - solely based on his rushing yards. The past four weeks Newton has rushed on average for 63 yards a game - not bad for a quarterback!

Running Backs: Do we need to even look at this? McCoy and Bell are the best tandem running backs on any team. The crazy part? Since acquiring Bell, JFB is just 1-3 (turns out the trade wasn't really that lopsided)! Nonetheless, anybody would be out of their mind to think that Bell and McCoy do not have the advantage.

Wide Receivers: Hilton and Cupp v Thomas and Fuller. At this point in the season, who knows? Hilton is a boom or bust player and Cupp is mediocre at best. Fuller was dominate, until Savage took over. Thomas could have a big week - but they are not at home and everybody knows how the Saint struggle in away games.

TE: I personally would take Kroft over Graham. Graham has to play on Thursday night and is against the Cardinals. It just does not look like a good matchup for him.

Flex: Let's just hope that JuJu doesn't lose his bike and can stay fresh for this weeks game!

Prediction: Juan Fatt Bidge wins (and doesn't lose for the rest of the season)

Aaron Rogers is GAY v Mizuno Blue

Those who have been swindled look for revenge. Payback is coming!

QB: I would take Taylor. Once again, the quarterbacks are facing each other. I love that. I mean can you imagine if these two were watching this game together - how much fun would that be? By the way, everybody knows where the place to watch the games - come on over! Yes, that is correct I just invited everybody over to a place that is not mine - but hey why not have one week when we all watch some football together!

RB: Honestly, a coin flip. Gore is running well - but Mack is much more explosive in Indy. Ingram is one of those running backs that could go for 130 yards or for 20 yards. You just never know in the Saints offense. Prosise is in the same situation with Seattle. White is going against the Denver defense - which used to be a defense to avoid, not so much anymore. 

WR: The advantage has to go ARIG, solely because Tate is playing Cleveland and that could mean big points. Funchess looks to be embracing the role of the number 1 receiver in Carolina. Then you have the fun matchup of Stills v Parker. Both players are on the same team - who will Cut-e-ler prefer?

TE: Well, Howard scored negative points last week. Sadly, I hate to say this but "The Syndrome" is actually favorited.

Flex: Hurns gets the nod here. Mizuno is trying to copy Waco Kids and go with two tight ends - however Clay and Syndrome are not Kelce and Witten.

Prediction: Aaron Rogers is GAY wins

Waco Kids v Hoosier Daddy

Top Dog versus Top Points. Who is the Top Gun?

QB: Even though Cousins looked bad last week - I am taking him. He is home this week, and to be honest I really can not trust Mutant Ninja Bortles. 

RB: I have to give the edge to Waco and it is solely for one player. Todd Gurley II. He could beat both Crowell and Kamara on his own. Although, Kamara could have another big week - it all just depends on what running back the Saint pick that week.

WR: I know Savage is throwing the ball. However, I still Hopkins gives the edge to Hoosier Daddy. Sanders will more than likely struggle this week - Denver as whole look very far away from the Super Bowl contenders they once were. Sanu and Landry could score points - but who knows? It is amazing to me that three different Dolphins wide outs are in fantasy starting lineups.

TE: I will take Witten on Brate every day. Once again, Witten is the all-time leading receiver in Dallas Cowboy history. That is to say something about the consistency of this man. Forget Larry Bird, this The Great White Hope!

Flex: Both these flex positions are impossible to predict. Both have new quarterbacks, which is why I am giving the nod to the running back and not the wide receiver. 

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy (not super confident)

Prible is my B*tch v BringBack Harbs

Girl Beatings, Player Beatings, Meat Beatings - why the last one? 

QB: PIMB has Mariota on the bench. Mariota is playing against Cincy. Cincy is a bad football team. Mariota gets the nod.

RB: Honestly, no clue how to break this one down. No ones knows what is going to happen with Elliott - he could be ruled to play this week and then two days later find out he isn't playing. If Elliott does play, advantage PIMB - if he doesn't play advantage PIMB. Listen, whether or not Elliott plays - PIMB still has Powell, Forte, Jones (GB running back), Mack (Indy running back) - all worthy options are scoring more than Stewart scored last week. How many did Stewart score last week? -1.9 - oh and that was not his first time scoring negative points!

WR: I am baffled at how someone can choke someone, throw them to the ground, and punch them repeatedly and still play the next week. I know football is a physical sport - but this ain't the UFC. Purely for that reason, I will give the edge to BringBack Harbs. Jewel-io, as only his close friends can call him, has yet to have that one game where he explodes for nearly 5,000 yards. Maybe this is the week?

TE: This matchup will be Engram v The outlaw Jesse James. Since taking over the role, Engram has not scored less than 15 points. He is the number 1 receiving option in New York (both teams). He is the clear favorite!

Flex: I have no clue what BringBack Harbs will do with his flex position - he may be shuffling around his lineup to better fit hide the bye week players and get better receivers in his lineup. I am going to have faith that he will find a way to win this portion of the matchup. He could throw Cooks or Benjamin in there and I think he would win. The choice is yours!

Prediction: Prible is my B*tch wins (I am going to assume Elliott is playing)

Team Price is a Dick v Certified "G"

Poverty takes on the 1% - which way will the money drop?

QB: What a wonderful matchup of top tier quarterbacks we have here! Manning v McCown. I tell you what - both of these guys have plenty of options to throw the ball to! Let me just flip a coin, because both of these guys are going to dominate!! Truth be told, they both suck. I will give the edge to McCown.

RB: Apparently, Hyde is not hurt. Some would have thought that after is mini slump in the early portion of the season. Peterson has found an offensive line to run behind. Those two should very easily beat Mixon and Drake. Very Easily.

WR: Bryant and Baldwin v Nelson and Jones Jr. This is a good matchup - but the edge goes to Bryant and Baldwin. Nelson, who has nobody throwing to him, is missing his good friend Rogers. Jones Jr. never has two good games in a row - not even in high school. You see, that is funny because Jones Jr. just had two good games. You see what I did there? Just jokes, people, just jokes.

TE: This is the week that Walker begins to showcase his dominance over the position. I have seen his face in enough Army commercials - it is time to play football. Gronk you find another party to attend to you - but you ain't showing up to this weeks!

Flex: Thomas v Williams. I am actually going to give the edge to Thomas. I know that there is a new quarterback in town. However, I think that when a new quarterback steps-in their go-to guy is usually the number 1 receiver. Also, Thomas is a great route runner and screen pass-catcher, both of which can help a new quarterback.

Prediction: Team Price is a Dick wins

The J-Bones v John Robles

One team owner hates his team. One team owner is always over confident. The battle begins...

QB: Brady never ages. I swear that guy is doing something illegal. Dalton is having one of the worst statistical seasons of his career. Brady get the advantage.

RB: Fournetteflix and Chill gives J.R. the clear advantage hear. Let's just hope he can make to all the team meetings on time and be an all around good citizen this week. Freeman seems to have joined a timeshare and it is not in his favor. Abdullah looks good - when he is not in the redzone.

WR: The Mike Evans suspension really hurts The J-Bones this week. Thielen could have a good week and that could be enough to get the edge here. Goodwin is now the number 1 receiver in San Fran. - but it is San Fran. Lockett is speedy, but he plays on Thursday. I am giving the edge to J-Boner.

TE: Dickson v Hooper. Neither find themselves as viable top tier tight ends. However, Carolina has no true dominant receiver. Dickson gets the edge.

Flex: Matthews gets the edge over Darkwa. Although, I do love the name Darkwa and I feel like it should be the name of a bar drink. You know, "I will take a pint of Darkwa." Just rolls off the tongue.

Prediction: John Robles wins

Two new kids on the block. Only room for one - who will survive?

QB: Once again, how cool is it that the quarterbacks are facing each other. Prescott has the ability to run and throw. Ryan likes to throw. Prescott still has yet to taste a deep run in the playoffs, Ryan is hungover from last year. I give the edge to Prescott. 

RB: McCaffrey has found his role in the Carolina offense. He could be very dominate in the Monday Night Game. However, Howard and Miller both get the start and if Fournette plays, he is the clear starter over Ivory. Edge to Dakster.

WR: Diggs and Brown hands down. This is where Sagging TD's could win the entire matchup. Brown is going against Indy's defense - what happen the last time? Brown had three touchdowns. Clearly, the edge goes to Sagging.

TE: Rudolph gets the advantage. Vikings are coming off of a bye week, plenty of rest time for Rudolph. Bennett has Hundley throwing to him. 

Flex: Thompson over Gabriel all day. Thompson is pretty much a starting running back in fantasy football. Give him the edge.

Prediction: Dakster's Lab wins

I hope you enjoyed your movie tag-lines for the matchups!

Mwah

Week 9 Results

There comes a time in every fantasy league when you can start to cross off teams from the playoff push. It is different for every league - depending on how many teams make the playoffs, how lopsided the league is, etc. etc. In this league - this is week 1...

We were able to eliminate 2 teams this week - Juan Fatt Bidge and Sergio Dippsh*ts. One team is a surprise - the other, let's just say we are more surprised it didn't happen earlier.

Let's not beat around the bush (one of my favorite foreplays though) and get after it....

Matchup of the Week
Waco Kids (6-3) 111.8
BringBack Harbs (6-3) 78.7

This was a little more lopsided than originally thought it would be. It was still the same outcome - but a slightly different way to get there....

Wilson is finally starting to play. He usually turns it around near the end of the season - maybe he has figure out how to scramble by that point. Even with the Falcons looking awful and Jones dropping a very, very catchable touchdown pass - Julio still managed to have a decent week. The biggest surprise for BringBack was easily Lynch. I have to say; I would never have expected that - nor will I expect it every week. Maybe next week he will wait until the second half to push a referee. It really doesn't matter about the top performances - BringBack played Ertz, Walsh, Stewart, and Nelson. All four of those guys combined for -2.9. Yes, four players in total scored in the negatives. Not a winning recipe....

Waco had another great performance from Gurley. Seriously, what a stud! Outside of fantasy football he is clearly the reason why the Rams offense has completely revamped. Inside fantasy football, he is clearly the reason why Waco Kids finds themselves on top of the standings. Blount took a huge hit to his value at the trade deadline. Ajayi is virtually the same type of runner - but probably a better pass catcher, which makes him a much more viable option. Kelce has a great game, why wouldn't he? He is essentially the number one option in Kansas City. A decent week was wasted against BringBack this week.....

Result: Waco Kids win

Prediction: Waco Kids win....RIGHT

Certified "G" (4-5) 117.3
Juan Fatt Bidge (2-7) 104.3

Nah, Nah. Nah, Naaahhhh...

Nah, Nah, Nah, Naaahhhh...

Hey, Hey, Hey...

Good-bbbyyyyyyyeeeee

What a freakin' teaser!!! Certified "G" had virtually no one playing until the Sunday Night and Monday Night Games. Going into the Sunday Night game Certified "G" had only scored 31.9 points. Clearly, it did not stay that way.

Couldn't have asked for a better week from T.Y. Hilton. Newton played decent. McCoy is clearly the reason JFB lost this week. Coming into the matchup McCoy was averaging 16.4 points a week. Which means he lost out on 13.9 points - and how many points did JFB lose by? 12.9 points - thanks a lot McCoy.

Juan Fatt Bidge has had his opponent score their highest point total of the season against him 5 times. Which means over half the time, he is playing the opponent to their full potential. Maybe it is because of damn blog, maybe it is because I talk to much trash, maybe it is because I proclaimed my team to the be the best from the beginning - F*ck off Karma.

Oh yeah, good week for Certified "G." Real f*ckin' happy for you...

Result: Certified "G" wins

Prediction: Juan Fatt Bidge wins...WRONG

Hoosier Daddy (4-5) 87.7
Aaron Rodgers is GAY (4-5) 107.1

This was one of the most unexpected results of the week. Even with Tom Savage throwing the ball Hopkins knows how to score points. Kamara had a huge week! However, outside of those two everyone else struggled for Hoosier Daddy. What happened to Hunt? No beuno. Please, just don't look at the lineup after Hopkins - brutal...

On the flip side, somehow as bad as the Jets made the Bills look Taylor was able to score fantasy points - thank you, garbage time! Jeffery had a great week and Tate played decent. It is amazing that Howard actually scored negative points - do you know how hard it is for a receiver or tight end to score negative points in a PPR league? Poor guy! Good thing it didn't come back to get ARIG. ARIG also talked about taking out his defense, just in case - maybe he should have! He was already up by a couple points and didn't want to risk losing points - I would look into next time!!

Result: ARIG wins

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy wins...WRONG

Sergio Dippsh*ts (2-7) 94.7
Prible is my B*tch (4-5) 106.8

Please see JFB v Certified "G"

Sergio's team has look like it was destined for the couch after week 13 from the beginning of the season. It really hurt his chances once Watson went down and Savage took over the reigns in Houston. Likewise, Martin did not look good at all without Winston. Surprisingly, Cutler looked good - I can not believe I actually typed that sentence. I mean I figured if I was talking about his significant other maybe (she looks real good), but most definitely not Jay.

Who would have thought that Elliott would play this week and Forte would out perform him. Forte definitely turned back the clock and looked the Chicago Bears Forte. It is a good thing PIMB was playing Sergio this week - he would have lost to every winner this week.

Result: Prible is my B*tch wins

Prediction: Prible is my B*tch wins...RIGHT

John Robles (4-5) 98.5
Team Price is a DICK (6-3) 150.8

I can not say that I am surprised by the points outburst from TPIAD. I mean, half the team was apart of JFB. 

The best part about this matchup - I received a text from John Robles stating, "My team is going off..." at exactly 3:14 p.m. Don't believe me?

Talk about blowing your load early!!

Result: Team Price is a Dick wins

Prediction: Team Price is a Dick wins...RIGHT

Sagging TD's (5-4) 81.1
The J-Bones (5-4) 72.6

Looks like "The Swindler" affected more than one matchup this week! The J-Bones traded for Evans, and he played.... awful. Although, he does know how to protect his quarterback!

McCaffrey played well for Sagging TD's and that was really about it. It just so happens that he was playing a team who struggled terribly. He better thank Abdullah and his buttery hands otherwise this could have very well been going the opposite ways. 

Abdullah fumbled twice in the redzone. He lost out on an opportunity for two touchdowns - could be a completely different story.

Result: Sagging TD's wins

Prediction: The J-Bones wins...WRONG

Mizuno Blue (5-4) 86
Dakster's Lab (6-3) 117.5

Dak Prescott, the player is clearly carrying Dakster the team. Overall, just a very consistent week from Dakster.

On the flip side, ASJ got screwed out of another touchdown and only managed to score 4 points. He was clearly outperformed by Vernon Davis - ASJ just lost to a grown man who cried on national television. With no one scoring big time points for Mizuno and Dakster having a very consistent week lead by Prescott - this was well out of hand.

Looks like the coin betrayed me...

Result: Dakster's Lab wins

Prediction: Mizuno Blue wins...WRONG

This Week: 3-4

Season: 32-31

Competitor Week: 5-2

Competitor Season: 31-32

Mwah

Week 9 Predictions

I have always been told there are a few feelings that every man needs to experience in life...

1. Sex - this is an obvious no brainer. It needs to happen, whether with someone/someones (if you could happen to be so lucky) or with yourself. Obviously, with someone is better than by yourself - but hey, you know what you like and you know how to please!

2. Taking a Dump - In fact I just experienced this about 10 minutes ago. It was glorious - never felt better. I almost wanted to take a picture of it. It was one of those dumps where the turd is long enough to stay above the hole in the toilet - it was building a bridge across it! There is no better feeling, maybe sex.

3. Robbing a Bank/Gun Fight - Personally, I have never experienced this feeling. I can only imagine the adrenaline rush you experience once this happens. Hell, I get the adrenaline rush when I am playing laser tag!

4. Taking a bite of perfectly cooked steak when starving - First off, steak is delicious. I can not grasp my mind around vegetarians. Steak, chicken, pork, all it - sooooo good! Now add that to the fact that you are starving and I am not sure there is a better feeling in the world - especially if it is national steak and blowjob day!

5. Getting High - I have never experienced this feeling. I have only been told - and from what I hear it is supposed to be amazing. It better be amazing if it is going to mess up your face and teeth and your personality. I can't imagine it not being one of the top feelings in the world, especially if you are trading in everything for your "next fix."

I would also like to add a 6th feeling...

6. Beating someone in Fantasy Football - Now when I say beating someone. I am talking one of two ways: crushing them or narrowly beating them on a Monday Night Game. It is the best feeling in the world. Can you imagine your counterpart? He is watching Monday Night Football and the last play of the game your tight end catches a fade pass for a touchdown and you win by .5 points - depression has just sunk in for him. You, on the other hand, have just experienced a tremendous victory and can not wait to make him feel like the dirt that he is - because you obviously had a tremendous impact on the player who caught the ball! In fact, I am pretty sure he shouted, "This is for you Waco Kids - I hope you enjoy your victory!"

Which brings me to my....

Team of the Week: Waco Kids

Waco Kids is currently 5-3 and is apart of the log jam of teams that have the same record. With their current standings they are in the playoffs and also have the first round bye. Let me just say, I am proud to call you my school's football coach! (He who shall not be named) was the worst in fantasy football and real life football - you have changed the stereotype for coaches out there! Here's to you, little buddy!

On to the team, Watson looks like a quarterback that has been playing for many, many years. He has a great arm and he can roll out. In fantasy football, who cares about his projections in the future or what if NFL defenses figure out how to stop next year? What matters most is the fact that he can not be stopped this year!

Gurley is in the argument for top running back of the year and he looks more and more like his 2015 version than his 2016 version. He has clearly been the foundation this team was built on from the beginning. The other running back is the argument for biggest flop at running back. Ajayi looked dominate last season, posting multiple games over 200 yards. This season? 2 games over 100 yards and 4 games with 50 yards or less. This prompted the Dolphins to trade him to the Eagles for a 4th round pick. Either the Dolphins have drastically undervalued Ajayi or something is wrong with him - at this point, who knows? Ajayi now joins an Eagles backfield that is flooded with talent - which means there could be less touches for Ajayi, but one would think that they wouldn't trade for him if they didn't want to use him.

The downside to Waco Kids has always been his receivers. I predict that he will make the playoffs and he will lose because of his receivers. That was my prediction, until he traded for Landry. Landry is the type of receiver who will get 12 targets a game and if he can bring in half those targets - he will get his needed 10 to 15 points. San is a receiver that is the number 2 option behind Julio Jones. Yet, he somehow gets targets and has been relevant enough to stay in the lineup. I am just not sure I want to go into the playoffs counting on a guy like Sanu.

The bright spot for this team (other than Gurley and Watson) has to be the tight ends. Waco Kids plays a tight end in the flex, currently the only team to start two tight ends. Why not? I would too if I had Kelce and Witten. Kelce might as well be considered a receiver. I would consider him the number 1 receiving option in Kansas City - with Ty Hill right behind him. Witten is that old guy that is going to retire from the NFL and one day tell his kids how he was great and nobody will believe him. We are all aware that he is the leading receiver in Dallas Cowboys history. Yes, not Bryant or Irvin - freaking Jason Witten. 

I am not going to lie - Waco Kids' bench looks awful. But who cares? You can't score point when you are the bench!

Which does bring me to the predictions...

Matchup of the Week:

Waco Kids v BringBack Harbs

I know I am doing it backwards by putting the MotW first - but hey can we all celebrate Waco Kids? He is the Team of the Week and in the Matchup of the Week - life is good for you buddy! Hopefully, there is no new Baby of the Week!

BringBack Harbs is always a team that is hard to predict for. Changes will not be made till the very end and not to mention his team currently has two other defenses on the bench. Which means BBH has three defenses in his possession - I hate owning just one! If it were me and I were Waco Kids I would go to the league and pick-up a bunch of kickers and then drop them as close to game time as possible!

BBH also has a player that was apart a trade at the deadline. Benjamin is now the number 1 receiver in Buffalo and gives Taylor an option to throw the ball to. This could really help out BBH - but he is playing in a short week after a trade. I would not be looking to starting him this week, but hey that is just me! 

While Coleman did seem to get more touches than Freeman - he is still not Gurley. There are just too many weapons for Waco Kids. Too many guys that can score big points.

Prediction: Waco Kids wins

Certified "G" v Juan Fatt Bidge

Well, well, well - we have a matchup between what many consider one of the worst teams in our league and one of the lowest ranked teams in our league.

The unfortunate part for Certified "G" is the fact that he has Gronk on the bye. The unfortunate part for Juan Fatt Bidge is that he has Bell on the bye. So, both teams are missing their top stud - which teams supporting cast will step up and take care of business.

For JFB, McCoy has done a tremendous job. Everyone else? Subpar at best. I foresee a switch in defenses taking place for JFB - but that is just a hunch. The big question is whether Hilton will actually get himself a few catches or not.

For Certified, his team looked amazing last week. Can they keep it up and get on a roll? Mixon actually looked good last week and it would probably be in Cincy's best interest to continue to get him the ball - as well as Green and Kroft. Sooooo basically, Mixon needs to just step in line and maybe not try and call the best running back in the game? Okay, pumpkin? In terms of receiving, Nelson's stock took a hit when Rodgers went down - but he should still get plenty of looks.

This is a close matchup - and I am making my prediction only because this teams needs to win or they are eliminated from playoff contention.....

Prediction: Juan Fatt Bidge wins

Hoosier Daddy v Aaron Rodgers is GAY

You should note that ARIG has placed Jalen Richard at running back and also has the Packers defense in their lineup.

You should also note that is does not matter what ARIG does with their starting lineup.

The combination of Hunt and Hopkins is just killer. Two elite options in their respective positions. Then you add the fact that Cousins, Kamara, Sanders, Collins are all very serviceable at their worst. If just one other guy (not including Hunt and Hopkins) has a great week Hoosier Daddy could be looking at another 130+ point week.

I am thinking that Taylor is going to get a chance to test out his new weapon - but how much? Benjamin was just traded and now is playing for a team that had a short week. For the most part, ARIG will prove to have a decent week; I am thinking they score right around 100 points. Unless, Carr wakes up and returns back to form. Also, he needs to force feed Crabtree like he did earlier in the season. Will that happen? Probably not.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy

Sergio Dippsh*ts v Prible is my Bitch

The biggest question of this matchup is whether or not Zeke will get to play. With Sergio losing Gordon this week - this matchup could either be pretty fair or pretty lopsided (depending on what happens with Zeke).

Although, Sergio currently does not a quarterback playing this week on his roster. Prible is my Bitch could go and pickup all of the available starting quarterbacks that play this week (4 total) and completely screw Sergio. Which would be hilarious!!! 

Fuller V is looking like a stud ever since he returned from suspension. He also has a great matchup with Indy's secondary. I like his chance of having a pretty good week. Nonetheless, I am thinking that Green should still be better - which is why.....

Prediction: Prible is my Bitch wins

John Robles v Team Price is a Dick

Soooooo, the hard part about making predictions is when there are a ton of trades that take place. "The Swindler" has made multiple trades this week and thus the screen shots of the starting lineups are a little different than the actual starting lineups. For example....

John Robles will actually be starting Goff instead of Brady - as well as Washington instead of Ingram. Personally, I see it as a downgrade to trade Ingram just to try and salvage a quarterback for one week - but hey I am the one who is 2-6!

In looking at these lineups - outside of Fournette, it looks like a landslide. The receiving corps of TPIAD looks to be filled with a group of tier 1 and 2 receivers. On the flip side, John Robles is hoping for a big week from some very boom or bust guys. Demarco Murray is a complete time share in Tennessee and it is slowly going more and more towards Henry's clock.

I simply can not pick against the consistent lineup....

Prediction: TPIAD wins

Sagging TD's v The J-Bones

Sagging has both his receivers on the bye this week - and he also has no other receiver on his bench that is playing. Looks like somebody will be perusing the free agent pool!!

The J-Bones threw Benji Watson as their starting tight end - a move that will help - but it shouldn't really matter. Also, "The Swindler" might be throwing a wrench into this matchup as well. Whether the rumors are true and a trade actually happens or we are just receiving "false news," it shouldn't matter. Without Diggs and Brown - Sagging will be struggling to find points. What a good week to play Sagging, you lucky J-Bone!

Prediction: The J-Bones win

Mizuno Blue v Dakster's Lab

Mizuno Blue, aka "The Swindler," has revamped his lineup every single week. This week there might  more to come in terms of trades. 

Without knowing what is actually going to take place with "The Swindler" I am actually going to flip a coin. So, without actually even caring who is in each of their lineups - we will go with this....

Mizuno Blue is Heads

Dakster's Lab is tails

Looks like I am picking....

Prediction: Mizuno Blue

Mwah

Week 8 Results

Well, well, not only has the world turned upside down - but so has the NFL.

You can not say anything to anyone without being insensitive. If a rich white wants to use a popular phrase to describe a situation where NFL players are taking control of the league - then how is that wrong? Personally, I think it is a little racist that the black athletes automatically though McNair was talking about them when he said, "We can't let the inmates run the prison." Maybe, McNair was only referring to the white athletes as prisoners. Maybe, McNair was only referring to the kickers, punters, and quarterbacks - ohhhhh, wait that is the white athletes.

I just think it is a little ridiculous that in today's world any common phrase is now offensive. I think every educated citizen understands exactly what McNair meant when he used that phrase. He was not calling anyone inmates and he was not referring to the NFL as a prison. Clearly, he was stating that as owners in this league - they need to take control.

Oh jeez, I am sorry - I need to apologize to everyone. I just used the term "owners." I understand how this could be offensive to anyone with ancestors who were slaves and once had someone who was referred to as an "owner."

Another example of this is the term - "boner." Boner once meant to make a mistake or to mess up. As in, "that was a real boner move." Yes, my friend you dad had a boner and forgot to wrap it up - thus he had you, his biggest boner in his entire life.

With that, to the results....

Waco Kids (5-3) 129
Sergio Dippsh*ts (2-6) 121.7

I am pretty positive that I am more of a curse than I am anything else. I picked Sergio to win, because he was Team of the Week - and he was winning, by a lot. Until......

Travis Kelce went out on Monday night and put Waco Kids on his back!! Abdullah struggled to replace Gurley (no surprise there). However, Stills and Sanu stepped up and played very well. I must say, I have called out Waco Kids' receivers all season and the one time he needed them - they showed up. Watson is unbelievable and is quietly making the case for the best pickup of the year. Sherman called him a soon to be top-5 quarterback in the NFL - he might be that right now for fantasy football.  The last four weeks he has broken 30 points three times and has thrown for 16 touchdowns. Houston looks to be on a roll and a lot of it has to do with the play of Watson.

On the flip side, the biggest benefactor of Watson playing well is Fuller V. Can we just imagine where this guy would be ranked among receivers if he was suspended for the first three weeks. He is currently tied in the NFL for touchdown receptions (with his teammate Hopkins) and he did not play the first 3 weeks. Melvin Gordon is looking more and more like a one man show for the Chargers. Rivers is getting old and is to busy chasing his 17 kids - nothing else to do but give the ball to Gordon. Nonetheless, even without Gurley....

Result: Waco Kids win

Prediction: Sergio Dippsh*ts win.....WRONG

Team Price is a Dick (5-3) 87.2

Sagging TD's (4-4) 78.6

Ironically, this is the best possible lineup for TPIAD this week. With 5 players on the bye this week, he only had two other options to play - both of which struggled...

TPIAD just keeps finding ways to get wins. Hey, if you face the guy who scores the lowest that week - odds say that you will win! Obviously, this team will look different after this week - when a majority of their projected starters are done with their bye week. 

Sagging TD's also had 4 players on the bye this week. Although, this loss is probably more related to Tolbert, Griffin, and Gabriel all failing to score 5 points combined. Three times this season Sagging TD's has failed to break 87 points (also three times this week they have nearly topped 130). With such inconsistent performances, this is one team who could beat anybody but also lose to anybody.

Result: TPIAD win

Prediction: TPIAD win... RIGHT

Juan Fatt Bidge (2-6) 89.7

John Robles (4-4) 124.6

What freaking ridiculous week for John Robles?!? Who would have ever though McKinnon would score 26.2, especially after having to play in the London. Somehow, everything fell into place for Mr. Robles...

Brady is always solid and I will only ever surprised if he scores less than 10 points in a given week. Ingram is in an offense that could very easily sit him after one quarter - guess not this week. McKinnon obviously played out of his mind. Funchess was the only real sour spot in this lineup - but that is because Newton played awful, and what do you know? Newton was on my team. Lockett looks like he is the new number 1 receiver in Seattle. Hooper managed to snag a touchdown. Happy for you John Robles, real happy for you!

On the flip side, McCoy was a stud this week. After that, not too pleased. It is not a good sign when Bell only beats your kicker by .1 points. .1 points!!! If JFB is going to win, that can not happen. Also, Hilton is going to need to actually show up and play football every once in a while. He looks like he is just running routes for fun - he has 5 catches in the past three weeks. If he was anybody else he might be dropped. Well, JFB is not mathematically eliminated - but is incredibly doubtful that they will make the playoffs. Which is crazy to think that a team with Bell and McCoy as the running backs will not make the playoffs. Like I said, the world is turning upside down...

Result: John Robles win

Prediction: Juan Fatt Bidge win... WRONG

Dakster's Lab (5-3) 95.9

Hoosier Daddy (4-4) 139.2

As I stated in my predictions, one team is trending up and one team is trending down. It is not really Dakster's fault - Hoosier Daddy probably has the best team.

Hoosier Daddy has arguably the top receiver and the top running back. Along with those two, he also has a decent supporting cast. Hopkins has turned into an absolute beast, and it is all thanks to the probable rookie of the year. However, if there was a contender for rookie of the year - Hunt is throwing his name in the ring. Think about this... Hunt had his worse week in fantasy and Hoosier Daddy still scored 139 points - scary.

On the flip side, Dakster looked mediocre, definitely not like a team that is 5-3. But hey, it is all good - Dakster is only getting beat by 80 points over the course of the season. I guess when they lose, they lose big and when they win, they win small. My momma always taught me to say something nice... at least Dakster has good running backs!

Result: Hoosier Daddy win

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy win... RIGHT

Aaron Rodgers is Gay (3-5) 98.7

BringBack Harbs (6-2) 119.2

Hey, at least you were in the bottom of the scores this week ARIG!

It was a pretty good, consistent week for ARIG. However, nobody scored big and sometimes that is what it is going to take to win. With 6 players scoring 12 points or more - you have decent lineup, however - in order to complete you will need a player or two that goes for 20 points of more.

Wilson was that guy for BringBack. He finally showed up and had a good week, no thanks to the offensive line. The best thing for Wilson fantasy owner's has to be the abysmal running game in Seattle. Seriously, they have three running backs and can not seem to find one that is worth anything. Maybe, just stick with one running back and let them get into a rhythm? But hey, that is just one man's opinion - maybe you throw ball at the 1 yard line and lose the Super Bowl, but like I said - just one man's opinion. 

Result: BringBack Harbs win

Prediction: BringBack Harbs win... RIGHT

Prible is my Bitch (3-5) 118

Certified "G" (3-5) 132.6

What an unfortunate week for PIMB. Seriously, could not have gone worse for them.

First, they play arguable the worst team in our league and yet Certified scores over 130 out of nowhere. Good for you Certified "G." This is what is often referred to as winning the lottery. It will only happen once in a lifetime and now you have to figure out what to do with it.

Second, the suspension was upheld for Elliott and he may not play until December. This is all but a death blow to PIMB - not sure they can make a run at the playoffs without Elliott. Which is also incredibly ridiculous in its own right. How is a player suspended for something that they were not found guilty of committing. Let me give you an example...

Could I suspend a student for supposedly throwing something in my class. No? But wait, hold on, what I took it to a court and they decided that he was innocent and didn't throw the paper wad - could I suspend him then? No? Hmmm, something seems off. Okay, what if they challenge and get the suspensions delayed/appealed twice - could I still suspend him? No, I still can't? Then why is Elliott getting suspended for something that the courts could not even find him guilty of? It seems to me that Goodell is just trying to save face and make sure that he didn't go through this entire mess for nothing - even if nothing is the wrong option.

Result: Certified "G" win

Prediction: Prible is my Bitch win - nobody was picking Certified "G" before this week

Matchup of the Week

The J-Bones (5-3) 84.4

Mizuno Blue (5-3) 81.9

What are real shootout we had here!!!! Points everywhere - it was like an Oprah show and she was just giving out cars (except cars are points)....

Or it was the exact opposite...

Just think about this, in the matchup there 4 "players" who score zero points in the starting lineup. The J-Bones better send Thielen some more gold gloves for the following weeks. I will not bring up Miller and how unlucky he is - especially considering he may lose his leg all together. Yes, he had to go into emergency surgery to try and save his leg. Guess The J-Bones will be looking for a new tight end - that or roll with the vaulted O'leary (Buffalo tight end).

On the flip side, Mizuno Blue needs to have a little talk with Pryor and let him know that he is the number 1 receiver in Washington and not Boston Clam Crowder. Let's not fool ourselves though - Mizuno has scored the 2nd fewest points this season. Yet once again, he still has a winning record and could have been tied for first in the league if Pryor would have recorded a catch or two. The world is upside down.

Result: The J-Bones win

Prediction: The J-Bones win... RIGHT

Mwah

This Week: 4-3

Season: 29-27

Competitor Week: 3-4

Competitor Season: 26-30