1. Sex - this is an obvious no brainer. It needs to happen, whether with someone/someones (if you could happen to be so lucky) or with yourself. Obviously, with someone is better than by yourself - but hey, you know what you like and you know how to please!
2. Taking a Dump - In fact I just experienced this about 10 minutes ago. It was glorious - never felt better. I almost wanted to take a picture of it. It was one of those dumps where the turd is long enough to stay above the hole in the toilet - it was building a bridge across it! There is no better feeling, maybe sex.
3. Robbing a Bank/Gun Fight - Personally, I have never experienced this feeling. I can only imagine the adrenaline rush you experience once this happens. Hell, I get the adrenaline rush when I am playing laser tag!
4. Taking a bite of perfectly cooked steak when starving - First off, steak is delicious. I can not grasp my mind around vegetarians. Steak, chicken, pork, all it - sooooo good! Now add that to the fact that you are starving and I am not sure there is a better feeling in the world - especially if it is national steak and blowjob day!
5. Getting High - I have never experienced this feeling. I have only been told - and from what I hear it is supposed to be amazing. It better be amazing if it is going to mess up your face and teeth and your personality. I can't imagine it not being one of the top feelings in the world, especially if you are trading in everything for your "next fix."
I would also like to add a 6th feeling...
6. Beating someone in Fantasy Football - Now when I say beating someone. I am talking one of two ways: crushing them or narrowly beating them on a Monday Night Game. It is the best feeling in the world. Can you imagine your counterpart? He is watching Monday Night Football and the last play of the game your tight end catches a fade pass for a touchdown and you win by .5 points - depression has just sunk in for him. You, on the other hand, have just experienced a tremendous victory and can not wait to make him feel like the dirt that he is - because you obviously had a tremendous impact on the player who caught the ball! In fact, I am pretty sure he shouted, "This is for you Waco Kids - I hope you enjoy your victory!"
Which brings me to my....
Team of the Week: Waco Kids
Waco Kids is currently 5-3 and is apart of the log jam of teams that have the same record. With their current standings they are in the playoffs and also have the first round bye. Let me just say, I am proud to call you my school's football coach! (He who shall not be named) was the worst in fantasy football and real life football - you have changed the stereotype for coaches out there! Here's to you, little buddy!
On to the team, Watson looks like a quarterback that has been playing for many, many years. He has a great arm and he can roll out. In fantasy football, who cares about his projections in the future or what if NFL defenses figure out how to stop next year? What matters most is the fact that he can not be stopped this year!
Gurley is in the argument for top running back of the year and he looks more and more like his 2015 version than his 2016 version. He has clearly been the foundation this team was built on from the beginning. The other running back is the argument for biggest flop at running back. Ajayi looked dominate last season, posting multiple games over 200 yards. This season? 2 games over 100 yards and 4 games with 50 yards or less. This prompted the Dolphins to trade him to the Eagles for a 4th round pick. Either the Dolphins have drastically undervalued Ajayi or something is wrong with him - at this point, who knows? Ajayi now joins an Eagles backfield that is flooded with talent - which means there could be less touches for Ajayi, but one would think that they wouldn't trade for him if they didn't want to use him.
The downside to Waco Kids has always been his receivers. I predict that he will make the playoffs and he will lose because of his receivers. That was my prediction, until he traded for Landry. Landry is the type of receiver who will get 12 targets a game and if he can bring in half those targets - he will get his needed 10 to 15 points. San is a receiver that is the number 2 option behind Julio Jones. Yet, he somehow gets targets and has been relevant enough to stay in the lineup. I am just not sure I want to go into the playoffs counting on a guy like Sanu.
The bright spot for this team (other than Gurley and Watson) has to be the tight ends. Waco Kids plays a tight end in the flex, currently the only team to start two tight ends. Why not? I would too if I had Kelce and Witten. Kelce might as well be considered a receiver. I would consider him the number 1 receiving option in Kansas City - with Ty Hill right behind him. Witten is that old guy that is going to retire from the NFL and one day tell his kids how he was great and nobody will believe him. We are all aware that he is the leading receiver in Dallas Cowboys history. Yes, not Bryant or Irvin - freaking Jason Witten.
I am not going to lie - Waco Kids' bench looks awful. But who cares? You can't score point when you are the bench!
Which does bring me to the predictions...
Matchup of the Week:
Waco Kids v BringBack Harbs
I know I am doing it backwards by putting the MotW first - but hey can we all celebrate Waco Kids? He is the Team of the Week and in the Matchup of the Week - life is good for you buddy! Hopefully, there is no new Baby of the Week!
BringBack Harbs is always a team that is hard to predict for. Changes will not be made till the very end and not to mention his team currently has two other defenses on the bench. Which means BBH has three defenses in his possession - I hate owning just one! If it were me and I were Waco Kids I would go to the league and pick-up a bunch of kickers and then drop them as close to game time as possible!
BBH also has a player that was apart a trade at the deadline. Benjamin is now the number 1 receiver in Buffalo and gives Taylor an option to throw the ball to. This could really help out BBH - but he is playing in a short week after a trade. I would not be looking to starting him this week, but hey that is just me!
While Coleman did seem to get more touches than Freeman - he is still not Gurley. There are just too many weapons for Waco Kids. Too many guys that can score big points.
Prediction: Waco Kids wins
Certified "G" v Juan Fatt Bidge
Well, well, well - we have a matchup between what many consider one of the worst teams in our league and one of the lowest ranked teams in our league.
The unfortunate part for Certified "G" is the fact that he has Gronk on the bye. The unfortunate part for Juan Fatt Bidge is that he has Bell on the bye. So, both teams are missing their top stud - which teams supporting cast will step up and take care of business.
For JFB, McCoy has done a tremendous job. Everyone else? Subpar at best. I foresee a switch in defenses taking place for JFB - but that is just a hunch. The big question is whether Hilton will actually get himself a few catches or not.
For Certified, his team looked amazing last week. Can they keep it up and get on a roll? Mixon actually looked good last week and it would probably be in Cincy's best interest to continue to get him the ball - as well as Green and Kroft. Sooooo basically, Mixon needs to just step in line and maybe not try and call the best running back in the game? Okay, pumpkin? In terms of receiving, Nelson's stock took a hit when Rodgers went down - but he should still get plenty of looks.
This is a close matchup - and I am making my prediction only because this teams needs to win or they are eliminated from playoff contention.....
Prediction: Juan Fatt Bidge wins
Hoosier Daddy v Aaron Rodgers is GAY
You should note that ARIG has placed Jalen Richard at running back and also has the Packers defense in their lineup.
You should also note that is does not matter what ARIG does with their starting lineup.
The combination of Hunt and Hopkins is just killer. Two elite options in their respective positions. Then you add the fact that Cousins, Kamara, Sanders, Collins are all very serviceable at their worst. If just one other guy (not including Hunt and Hopkins) has a great week Hoosier Daddy could be looking at another 130+ point week.
I am thinking that Taylor is going to get a chance to test out his new weapon - but how much? Benjamin was just traded and now is playing for a team that had a short week. For the most part, ARIG will prove to have a decent week; I am thinking they score right around 100 points. Unless, Carr wakes up and returns back to form. Also, he needs to force feed Crabtree like he did earlier in the season. Will that happen? Probably not.
Prediction: Hoosier Daddy
Sergio Dippsh*ts v Prible is my Bitch
The biggest question of this matchup is whether or not Zeke will get to play. With Sergio losing Gordon this week - this matchup could either be pretty fair or pretty lopsided (depending on what happens with Zeke).
Although, Sergio currently does not a quarterback playing this week on his roster. Prible is my Bitch could go and pickup all of the available starting quarterbacks that play this week (4 total) and completely screw Sergio. Which would be hilarious!!!
Fuller V is looking like a stud ever since he returned from suspension. He also has a great matchup with Indy's secondary. I like his chance of having a pretty good week. Nonetheless, I am thinking that Green should still be better - which is why.....
Prediction: Prible is my Bitch wins
John Robles v Team Price is a Dick
Soooooo, the hard part about making predictions is when there are a ton of trades that take place. "The Swindler" has made multiple trades this week and thus the screen shots of the starting lineups are a little different than the actual starting lineups. For example....
John Robles will actually be starting Goff instead of Brady - as well as Washington instead of Ingram. Personally, I see it as a downgrade to trade Ingram just to try and salvage a quarterback for one week - but hey I am the one who is 2-6!
In looking at these lineups - outside of Fournette, it looks like a landslide. The receiving corps of TPIAD looks to be filled with a group of tier 1 and 2 receivers. On the flip side, John Robles is hoping for a big week from some very boom or bust guys. Demarco Murray is a complete time share in Tennessee and it is slowly going more and more towards Henry's clock.
I simply can not pick against the consistent lineup....
Prediction: TPIAD wins
Sagging TD's v The J-Bones
Sagging has both his receivers on the bye this week - and he also has no other receiver on his bench that is playing. Looks like somebody will be perusing the free agent pool!!
The J-Bones threw Benji Watson as their starting tight end - a move that will help - but it shouldn't really matter. Also, "The Swindler" might be throwing a wrench into this matchup as well. Whether the rumors are true and a trade actually happens or we are just receiving "false news," it shouldn't matter. Without Diggs and Brown - Sagging will be struggling to find points. What a good week to play Sagging, you lucky J-Bone!
Prediction: The J-Bones win
Mizuno Blue v Dakster's Lab
Mizuno Blue, aka "The Swindler," has revamped his lineup every single week. This week there might more to come in terms of trades.
Without knowing what is actually going to take place with "The Swindler" I am actually going to flip a coin. So, without actually even caring who is in each of their lineups - we will go with this....
Mizuno Blue is Heads
Dakster's Lab is tails
Looks like I am picking....
Prediction: Mizuno Blue
Mwah
No comments:
Post a Comment