Week 8 Predictions

Here we go, we are at the halfway mark! Let's look at some midseason awards....

MVP: Travis Kelce, Hoosier Daddy

I know, I know - an MVP should never go to a TE... but hear me out. At this point, the 2nd closest TE is Mark Andrews and he is averaging 4.5 points less a week. After that? TJ Hockenson, Taysom Hill, and Zach Ertz - all averaging 12.something points while Kelce is averaging 21 points. Even more crazy? Kelce has yet to score less than 10 points in any given week and actually has only scored less than 15 points once. His 21 points per week would make him the 5th best wide receiver - he has really put some separation between him and everybody else at the TE position.

Steal of the Draft: Breece Hall, Ankle Holster

Will Breece Hall win this award at the end of the season? Nope, no chance. However, since the award is for the first half of the season and Breece Hall was drafted 55th overall and the 23rd running back and yet he is a top-ten running back and was top 5 entering this week - he is a lock for the first award. Much like Kelce, Hall never scored less than 10 points in a week and his level of consistency made him easily the steal of the draft and had he not gotten hurt, he could have been in the conversation for Fantasy MVP at the end of the season. 

Waiver Wire Pick-Up: ?????, ??????

In past years there was usually a player that really began to compete with the elite at their position. This year? Nobody really comes to mind, that may because we are drafting better or it may be because I have not clue who was picked up on the waiver. Either way, nobody has really separated themselves from the pack of Waiver Wire Wieners.

Trade of the Year: J. Herbert/Aaron Jones for Dak Prescott/Christian McCaffrey

There were a few candidates for this award - but the aftermath of this trade is what really makes it award worthy. Ankle Holster traded Christian McCaffrey and Dak (who was injured) and received Justin Herbert and Aaron Jones. He also had his 2nd round pick Cam Akers be blacklisted from his team and may as well be injured. Ankle then traded Terry McLaurin (his 3rd round pick) for Mooney and Ertz. Then Breece Hall (4th round pick) was injured and is now out for the rest of the season. Which now means that Ankle Holster now is getting nothing from his 1st-4th round picks. Comical? You know it.

Team to Beat: Gruden Email Editor/Watson's Happy Ending

GEE not only is tied atop the league for the best record, but they also are the current holders of the belt. This award really comes down to Kenneth Walker and if he can be the running back that takes over the Seattle backfield. If he can sustain his production then this team is stroooong, if he can not - this is Watson's Happy Ending's league to lose. With the Foreman pickup, there is no real weakness in the lineup.

Matchup of the Week

Ayahuasca Dreamer (4-3) v Side Set TDs (5-2)

Don't look now but Side Set TDs has quietly climbed the ranks is now tied for the top spot in the league. On top of that, they have the last 3 weeks and they are quietly the 2nd hottest team in the league. They have a lineup of terrific pass catchers and they are always going to contend for the belt if Stevenson and Elliott can have decent weeks. On the flip side, Dreamer is quietly THE hottest team in the league. Surprised? Me too. However, Dreamer has won 4 straight and they have worked themselves into the MotW... deservedly. The only issue is Aaron Rodgers has looked awful and now Pierce has a backup QB throwing him the ball. You can't have flaws when you are in the MotW... both these teams have the top current win streaks - but one has to end this week.

Prediction: Side Set TDs

Mystery Guest: Ayahuasca Dreamer

The Cochness Monster (2-5) v PEN15 Wrinkle (2-5)

This matchup features two teams that desperately need a win in the match-up. Also, these two teams made a trade last week involving a few key players. Wrinkle added D. Smith and Allgeier and TCM added R. Mostert. TCM then went and sent Mostert (and Mariota) for J. Herbert and C. Olave. Herbert is on bye - which doesn't help this week - but Olave is in line to have a big week. It also helps TCM that Wrinkle will be missing Mahomes/Hardman from their starting lineup. Those players combined to score 54.92 points last week and that will be a big hole to replace. I am biased, but I don't see that hole getting filled - Wrinkle has trouble filling holes.... I know personally.

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle

The J-Bones (4-3) v Watson's Happy Ending* (5-2)

This definitely a top tier matchup - between two contenders in the league. Happy Ending is currently the top team and they have a strong starting lineup. However, a lot rides on the shoulders of Jackson/Andrews - and they both play on TNF. Historically, TNF has hit the under 5 out of 7 times and that does not speak well for this team. Everybody else on their starting lineup had comfy matchups, on the flip side - JBones is missing a key piece from their starting lineup... Ekeler. Ekeler is the number one running back and is a hole that is not going to get filled. Look for Happy Ending to stay atop of the league and get the win this week.

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending

Mystery Guest: Watson's Happy Ending

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-5) v Bluffton Backup Backups (4-3)

I am going to keep this simple and sweet. I have no clue how BBB won as many matchups as they have. I also don't trust Ehlinger to operate the horrid Indy offense - which means this is a must win for ARBL. Llams for the win...

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

OBJs in the Stands** (4-3) v Hoosier Daddy* (4-3)

This matchup features the most belts in the league. Also, both teams welcome back their top tier quarterbacks from their bye-week, however Hoosier loses Kelce to their bye-week. Kelce is the mid-season MVP and is going to be a tough position to fill - I am not Dulcich is going to have quite the same impact. This matchup could feature the eventual belt winner - thanks to the "boom" ability of these players. In terms of this actual matchup, I think Kelce is going to be too hard to replace.

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy

ETN out your Grandma (3-4) v Ankle Holster (2-5)

Ankle Holster is the team is made up of trades and waiver wires. The only player that is on Ankle Holster's starting lineup that was actually drafted by him - Amon St. Brown. On the flip side, ETN start many of the players they drafted - does that make them better? Nah. Mostert/A. Jones make a tough tandem at RB, and actually make Ankle Holster a very interesting team for the second half of the season. In fact, after making the trade for Mostert.... Ankle Holster looks good in this matchup.

Prediction: Ankle Holster

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Gruden Email Editor* (5-2) v Not Big Red (3-4)

Gruden Email Editor is in the argument for team to beat and a lot of it has to do with the lineup's pass catchers and the growth of Kenneth Walker. Email's trio of pass catcher Samuel/Waddle/Hopkins make them a top notch team and if Walker keeps up the performances - this team is set for the playoffs. NBR is trading one top notch WR/QB combo for another. Lamb should be more comfortable with Dak and Jeudy has to welcome back Wilson - who has looked terrible. Lesbeianest, there is no way that I am picking NBR when I just said that GEE is a contender for team to beat.

Prediction: Gruden Email Editor

Mystery Guest: Not Big Red

As always, I wish every good luck - except for you PEN15 Wrinkle, may your entire team burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

With Love

Commish

Week 7 Results

Well, I am back in the midwest and let me tell you it sucks. To be honest, it isn't that bad - when I got back it was 75 degrees and sunny. I think I just strongly dislike all the responsibilities - adulting is terrible. Kids these days just don't know how good they got it. They have no responsibilities, no real consequences. They will try to disagree, but come on we all know the truth. They are protected - their parents take care of everything for them. I can only imagine what our generation would do with the amount of freedom these kids get. 

We. Would. F*cking. Slay.

Can you imagine what I would do if I had the power to be anything I wanted? I would make everyone call me King Adam the Mighty Sword Cock. Oh I can't do that? I most certainly can in this world. Oh you don't want to call me that? See you in court, where I will slay you with my Mighty Sword Cock. I will find some liberal judge to grant me the right and then it is game on. I just have to make sure I show up to the right party. I could either end up with the Wisconsin Volleyball or I could end with that piano penis playing he/she. As long as I show up to the right place, I am gooooooood.

All these kids need to do is focus on Fantasy Football - not me, I got real jobs and a family and what not. Doesn't matter, my team would still suck.

Matchup of the Week

Hoosier Daddy* (4-3) v Bluffton Backup Backups (4-3)

Well, Hoosier Daddy has officially stated that BBB is his son. Hoosier Daddy has never lost BBB is the history of the league (no clue if that is true, but it fits the narrative). Hoosier is a big fan of the CMC trade and that fact that it forces Moore to be a highlight of the offense for Carolina. On top of that, it was a consistent week for the entire lineup - not that it mattered this week. This is a week that BBB knew would come every so often - Indy looked terrible this week. It also didn't help that the surrounding players had a rough week as well. BBB still would have beaten one other team this week - so there is solace is that I guess.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy... RIGHT!!

Gruden Email Editor** (5-2) v The Cochness Monsters (2-5)

TCM finally has a decent week and what happens? They lose to the belt winner. However, it should have been worse - Editor had a player not even play. However, he also had Joe Burrow - who is really, really good at football. Kenneth Walker also looks really good in a Seattle offense that will be very run-heavy. On the flip side, TCM can take solace in the fact that Josh Jacobs has looked amazing and the trade has so far been very good for them.

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The Cochness Monsters... WRONG!!

Not Big Red (3-4) v ETN out your Grandma* (3-4)

ETN just snuck this one out, in what is probably a must win week for them. Even though they didn't have a stellar week from anybody, they had enough consistency to eke out the win against NBR. NBR needed a bigger MNF from New England's kicker and defense and D. Harris - but they could only muster up 8 points as they got demolished by Chicago. Seriously, how do you have 3 spots going against Chicago and only get 8 points?!?! I would be embarrassed to be a Patriots fan - I would be even more embarrassed to be a Pats fan and be force to rely on them to score points in Fantasy Football... and have them both lose!

Prediction: Not Big Red... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma... RIGHT!!

Side Set TDs (5-2) v Ankle Holster (2-5)

Titties might have that best pass catching tandem in the league. Adams or Chase are liable to go off at any point - this week Chase had a huge one. It also helped that Elliott was able to get into the end zone twice. Aaron Jones played well for Ankle - but that is about it. To make matters worse, Breece Hall is done for the season. Ankle find themselves in a tie for last place and they are now missing one of their best players. Will they look to make a move or will they just accept the future in the cellar of the league.

Prediction: Side Set TDs... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

Ayahuasca Dreamer (4-3) v OBJs in the Stands** (4-3)

This is the matchup this week that really surprised me. It helped that OBJ was missing Allen and Davis, but my goodness - how are you a two-time belt winner and you throw up that piece of sh*t week. To be fair, Dreamer didn't have that good of a week - but it doesn't matter when you play the worst team of the week. Just have a consistent week from multiple players and you will be fine. I would not like to play OBJs next week - when they get Allen and Davis back after their bye week. Could be ugly...

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands... WRONG!!

Watson's Happy Ending* (5-2) v PEN15 Wrinkle (2-5)

Wrinkle went from one of the worst teams to making a few trades and then all of the sudden they take down the top team in the league. It helped that Mahomes and Hardman teamed up to dominate the 49ers. Forget about the fact that Robinson had 0 and Uzomah had 1.5 points. Watson needed a bit of a better performance from Jackson and Andrews - especially because they beat the Cleveland Browns. How is your actual NFL team going to lose to your fantasy team and then you still go on to lose.... gotta be a rough week in football.

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Watson's Happy Ending... WRONG!!

The J-Bones (4-3) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-5)

This is the kind of week The J-Bones envisioned at the beginning of the season. When everything comes together like this - they will be a hard team to beat. A huge week from Ekeler and solid weeks from a slew of surrounding players. ARBL will not join the pack at 2-5, the only shining spotlight was Titans defense. It is never a good sign with your defense is top scoring player, and yet somehow ARBL would have beaten 2 other teams this week.

Prediction: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Season Predictions: 27-22

Mystery Guest: 18-31

With Love

Commish

AJB = 95.3 points

D. Smith = 84.7 points

J. Williams = 42 points (out with injury)

C. Akers = 22.9 points (out for stealing grandma's pie)

Week 7 Predictions

On vacation... rocking out with my cock out. Not literally, but also at time literally. Anyways - prolly not going to be a huge write-up or anything for this week, it happens every year - you shouldn't be shocked. Although, as some of you read this I do want to call attention to Ankle Holster. We have finally had an entry in the record books! Let it be known, Ankle Holster had the 5th lowest score of all-time last week... really didn't think it could be done, but hey someone has etch their name in the books!

Matchup of the Week

Hoosier Daddy* (3-3) v Bluffton Backup Backups (4-2)

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy

Gruden Email Editor* (4-2) v The Cochness Monsters (2-4)

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters

Mystery Guest: The Cochness Monsters

Not Big Red (3-3) v ETN out your Grandma* (2-4)

Prediction: Not Big Red

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma

Side Set TDs (4-2) v Ankle Holster (2-4)

Prediction: Side Set TDs

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Ayahuasca Dreamer (3-3) v OBJs in the Stands** (4-2)

Prediction: OBJS in the Stands

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands

Watson's Happy Ending* (5-1) v PEN15 Wrinkle (1-5)

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending

Mystery Guest: Watson's Happy Ending

The J-Bones (3-3) Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-4)

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

As always, good luck to everyone, except for you Gruden Email Editor - may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

With Love

Commish

Week 6 Results

Full transparency, I am writing this first part early - by the time this is posted and you are reading this, I will either be sitting poolside or floating down the highway of Florida. At the time of this writing I am sitting next to someone who I comfortably label as "Delusional." I know, not really narrowing down the field a lot. 

At one point, these type of people were very easy to ignore. I could just shrug them off and think about how much better I am at literally everything than they are (might be a little delusional myself). However, I don't know if I have gotten older and less tolerant or if there are just so many of them that they have worn me down. But, holy sh*t - they just irk the piss out of me. I just want to look at them and really see if this is truly how they think life is. Surely not, surely they have some grasp of reality. Trust me, I know I say a lot of dumb sh*t... but most of it just jokes. I truly think that some of these people are that delusional and I think that they are genuinely lost. Who knows? Maybe I just need to relieve some stress: jerking my chicken, painting the snow, washing my truck, kneading the dough, hunting for snails - call it what you will. I probably need to just ignore the ignorance and get back to being dominant over everyone.

**The rest of this blog was written on vacation and very little effort was put into it... as you will be able to tell***

Matchup of the Week

Bluffton Backup Backups (4-2) v Watson's Happy Ending* (5-1)

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Watson's Happy Ending... Right!!

Ankle Holster (2-4) v The Cochness Monsters (2-4)

It should be recognized that Ankle Holster cracked the top 5 for the record book!! 5th lowest score ever!

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

OBJs in the Stands** (4-2) v ETN out your Grandma* (2-4)

2-Time Belt Champion!!

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands... RIGHT!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (1-5) v Not Big Red (3-3)

Prediction: Not Big Red... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Not Big Red... RIGHT!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-4) v Gruden Email Editor* (4-2)

Prediction: Gruden Email Editor... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... WRONG!!

Hoosier Daddy* (3-3) v Side Set TDs (4-2)

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy... WRONG!!

The J-Bones (3-3) v Ayahuasca Dreamer (3-3)

Prediction: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Season Predictions: 24-18

Mystery Guest: 15-27

With Love

Commish

AJB = 95.3 points

D. Smith = 84.7 points

J. Williams = 42 points (still out with injury)

C. Akers = 22.9 points (out with racist coach and quarterback)

Week 6 Predictions

We all have them; we love them - but my goodness can they just really irritate you. Sometimes they cause an itch or tick and you just want to get away from it, but there is no escaping. Sometimes it happens in the store, sometimes it happens at work, sometimes it even happens in the confines of you own home.

Now, as I write that I am curious as to where some of your minds think I might be going with this? Do you think I am going to talk about boners? Buttholes? Gay friends? Cocaine? A couple things of meth? Homeless people? Reusable condoms? Itchy belly buttons? Nah......

I am just talking about dumb people.

Every so often I find myself in a conversation with someone and I can immediately feel this sense of fear fall over me. I am scared that I if I continue to talk to this person, I will in fact become as dumb as they are. I used to feel good about myself - knowing I was not quite that retarded. However, now I feel worried - because I feel like everyone around me is getting dumber and dumber. Do you feel that way? Am I the retard that makes no sense? Possibly. When sh*t hits the fan, we might be as ignorant as possible. Right?

Anyways, I digress...

We got a nice slate of matchups this week and we definitely don't need to be wasting time talking about mouth breathers...

Matchup of the Week

Bluffton Backup Backups (4-1) v Watson's Happy Ending* (4-1)

This is a battle for the top of the league. Both teams are sitting at 4-1 and the winner will be the sole owner of 1st place in the league. How is this possible? Nobody on this green earth even knows. BBB has managed a 4-1 record and a chance at the first place all the while scoring the fewest amount of points in the first 5 weeks. Happy Ending is in 2nd place and was just taken over by OBJs last week. One team belongs at the top and one team only. Also, we start the bye weeks and the best part for Happy Ending - they have depth right where they need it. Kunt will fill nicely for King Henry and they won't skip a beat this week...

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending

Mystery Guest: Watson's Happy Ending

Ankle Holster (2-3) v The Cochness Monsters (1-4)

I don't want to pull back the veil of mystery or anything, but this is obviously a match-up that is noteworthy. Ankle Holster is not doing to hot when it comes to picking matchups - but it is early. Does that trend carry over to his team for this matchup? You betcha. It does help that Josh Jacobs is on a bye-week and he has been on a tear for TCM (combining for 64.8 points in the past two weeks). However, no matter what things really look like in this matchup - we all know that we are picking our own teams to win...

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

OBJs in the Stands* (3-2) v ETN out your Grandma* (2-3)

If there was team that looked very strong last week, it was OBJs. If there is one team that looks very strong this week, it is OBJs. The matchups are all falling in line for their starting lineup - even the defense is playing Pittsburgh - who doesn't exactly light it up on offense. On the flip side, Grandma's starting lineup is facing injuries throughout the week and there a few tough defenses that they will be facing (Dallas and Denver). I will take the team riding high with the belt - and they have a good chance at being our first 2-time belt champion this week...

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands

PEN15 Wrinkle (1-4) v Not Big Red (2-3)

Let's just call it what it is, PEN15 Wrinkle might be the worst team in the league. Given they have lost two starting running backs to the injured reserved. No team is really built to handle that - especially this team. They are going to need depth if they even want to survive through the stretch of bye weeks. This is a crucial week for them - they may have a chance at a win this week - but after that they will have N. Harris on bye in week 9 and the Mostert on bye in week 11. On the flip side, NBR just lost a close one to BBB - but they are welcomed with this gift...

***The previous paragraph was written before PEN15 was blown-up through multiple trades this week... my prediction stands as stated***

Prediction: Not Big Red

Mystery Guest: Not Big Red

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-3) v Gruden Email Editor (3-2)

After making the big trade - ARBL is patiently awaiting the return of Dak Prescott (2 more weeks), instead they will be forced to turn to the waiver wire to find someone that can fill the spot. They will be relying on Kupp and Chubb to continue their onslaught this season. On the flip side, Emails is going to need Waddle and Samuel to get back to filling up the boxscores if they are going to bounce back after last week. Singletary and Knox are apart of the game of the week and should be in line to score points as well. Look Emails to bounce back and get a big win this week...

Prediction: Gruden Email Editor

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Hoosier Daddy* (3-2) v Side Set TD's (3-2)

One of two matchups this week that include two winning teams. This was option number 2 for the MotW, but one team is going to struggle this week because of bye weeks. Tiddies is missing Carr/Adams/Waller/Collins all on bye - 3 of which are major starters for the team. They are able to still produce a serviceable starting lineup, but this should be a nice week for Hoosier Daddy. Hurts, Jefferson, and Kelce should dominate this matchup and put them solidly in contention for the belt this week - can the role players hold up and help out? Either way, this matchup is looking like it is going to end one way...

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy

Mystery Guest: Hoosier Daddy

The J-Bones (3-2) v Ayahuasca Dreamer (2-3)

The J-Bones got back on track with their winning ways in the last two weeks and they are looking to make that a turkey this week. They will need to monitor the injury report with question marks for Barkley/London/Meyers. Those three, along with Ekeler, make a large portion of the points scored for this starting lineup. On the flip side, Dreamer is going to need a big week - something that might not be able to be achieved. Rodgers is going to have to look better than he did in London if they want a chance to win. To be honest, Dreamer just doesn't have the fire power to compete some of the top teams in this league - they are going to need to have an off week for The J-Bones.... and I don't see that happening.

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

As always, good luck to everyone, except for you Ankle Holster - may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

With Love

Commish

Week 5 Results

Sometimes when I hear things floating around in the ether, I wonder how true they really are. You know, you hear things about the Illuminati and munching down on babies and what not. How true is that really? You know there is some form of exaggeration taking place - hopefully. Or maybe you watching a documentary about the most unlikely of friends who decide to start their own fraternity, only to be shut down by the school - unless they can pass a series of tasks and prove to Dean "Cheese" Pritchard that they are for real and they should be taken seriously.... even if they have a dead guy in their frat. How real is that documentary? You never know.

Just like when certain teams come back to win games or there are phantom calls that take place and maybe further the NFL's agenda to make teams with bigger followings win games to keep ratings up. Is it ironic that the Detroit Lions were playing so well and now all of the sudden they couldn't sniff a boner in a strip club? Or maybe, somehow Dallas continues to win even with Red Rifle 2.0 as their QB? Or maybe that Miami was playing so well and then they lost to Cincinnati (big following after the Super Bowl run) and New York.

Curiouser and Curiouser.

I would go on, but I know Big Brother is always watching and there is good chance that post is going to get flagged after the first paragraph. If that doesn't happen, it was nice knowing you - because we all know the Illuminati has full blown control of the government and they are definitely going to find a way to get rid of me.

Well, if you bet on the perfect season from either The Cochness Monsters or Watson's Happy Ending - that didn't last long. TCM got their first win this week and Happy Ending got their first loss... so much for the suspense. 

Stafford took all the way until midway through the 4th quarter to attempt his 10th pass to a black. I am sure Twitter and the Memeverse are having a field day with this guy - not only is he losing, but he is doing it wearing a white hood.

We did not have our first 2-time belt winner this season as OBJs in the Stands put the hurt on PEN15 Wrinkle.

Matchup of the Week

Ayahuasca Dreamer (2-3) v Gruden Email Editor (3-2)

It takes a special man to win the way Dreamer does - in his two wins, he failed to break 100 points. In the wise words of a great coach, "Win ugly or win pretty... as long as you win." Now let's get to the prop bet...

Friday Night Score: 56-8... spread 48 points.

The spread in this matchup: 25.3 points.

Bet $100 dollars to win $120 - current profit: $20.

Prediction: Gruden Email Editor... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Gruden Email Editor... WRONG!!

The Cochness Monsters (1-4) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-3)

Who would have thunk it?!?! Not this guy, not anyone in the league - not even Stephen A. Smith himself, who notoriously says some of the dumbest sh*t on the face of the earth would have thought this to happen. TCM is not on the board and don't look now but they actually scored the 2nd highest points this week, while getting 0 points from the QB and K.

Prop Bet: 

Kupp = 25.9 points

Smith/Samuel = 26.8 points

It was a close battle, but Vegas knew exactly where to put the line - current profit: -$80.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... WRONG!!

PEN15 Wrinkle (1-4) v OBJs in the Stands* (3-2)

Pretty unfortunate week for Wrinkle. The team once known as "Belt Fairy" is now a team on the opposite end of that. This was an absolute beatdown - sometimes you wonder, "Did you have to do it to him like that???" In any case...

Prop Bet:

Allen = 35.16 points

Mahomes = 30.48 points

It was a good battle and there is no fair way to decide which side we bet on with our $100 smackeroons, but we are winners so we obviously picked Allen. We bet $100 to win $190, current profit: $10.

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands... RIGHT!!

Ankle Holster (2-3) v Hoosier Daddy* (3-2)

Yet again, it was another MNF that Ankle Holster watched as a victory slipped away. Some guys are closers - others just sit in the corner and watch... I believe that is called being a cuckold. At least you got to go London to watch your team win.... Queens Park Rangers.

Prop Bet: 

Hoosier Daddy: 123.18 points

Ankle Holster + bench: 135.22 points

We went big for this one, but lost our $100 bet... current profit: -$90.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster.... WRONG!!

ETN out your Grandam* (2-3) v The J-Bones (3-2)

This was a big win for The J-Bones - showcasing their dominance and doing it in the way that the team was designed to do it. The running backs combined for 55 points and although ETN was missing J. Taylor and not at full strength, a win is a win. 

Prop Bet: Ekeler was easily the best player and The J-Bones had the second best player (J. Meyer)... but he was on the bench. He also had Barkley who was narrowly outscore by 2.2 points. Which drops us further in the hole, current profit: -$190.

Prediction: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma... WRONG!!

Not Big Red* (2-3) v Bluffton Backup Backups (4-1)

How does he do it? How does BBB continue to win? We are talking about a guy that is tied for the top of the league, but also has scored the fewest amount of points. It takes a special to trot out a lineup knowing full well that you are overmatched, but also know that deep down you have a good chance to win because you have put some kind of curse on the opposing teams players.

Prop Bet: 

Brady = 19.74

Ryan = 6.14

As if there was ever any doubt with this one, M. Ryan looks lost and Brady has the refs on his side. We bet $100 to win $166, current profit: -$124.

Prediction: Not Big Red... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Not Big Red... WRONG!!

Side Set TDs (3-2) v Watson's Happy Ending* (4-1)

It took a big MNF push from Carr and Adams to secure this win for Tiddies. Waller went out within the first few plays and left the other two to carry the burden. They weren't able to get the win and Adams threw a temper tantrum, but they at least scored enough fantasy points for Tiddies to upset Happy Ending.

Prop bet: Matchup finished 4th out of 7... not exactly the outcome we were looking for.

Current profit: -$224. I guess Vegas really knows where to put the lines at.

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Watson's Happy Ending... WRONG!!

Season Predictions: 19-16

Mystery Guest: 12-23

With Love,

Commish

AJB = 77.6 points

D. Smith = 69.3 points

J. Williams = 42 points (season long injury)

C. Akers = 22.9 points

Week 5 Predictions

Welp, we are over a quarter of the way through the league. Typically, this is the time when we do a little write-up about the Quarter Season Awards... not this year. Some might say, "You are getting lazy!" Possibly. However, I say we are giving out too many awards. Soft America. We don't need awards for a fourth of the way through the season. To be honest, we don't need more awards - not everyone is good enough to get an award. So efff that, not quarter season awards - we will wait till the midway point - and then I can complain about it at the midway point and push it off until the end of the season. Instead of awards let's look at some prop bets for the remainder of the season....

A) Watson's Happy Ending/The Cochness Monsters have a perfect season... +5000

B) Cooper Kupp is the highest scoring position player that is not a QB... -110

C) Matthew Stafford throws to a black man more than 10 times during each remaining game... -110

D) The team with the most points scored is also the team with the most wins... +100

E) The first 2-time belt winner comes before week 7... -200

F) Jalen Hurts finishes inside the top 3 at QB PRK... +150

Place your bets gentleman!!

Matchup of the Week

Ayahuasca Dreamer (1-3) v Gruden Email Editor (3-1)

Some may be wondering, "Why the fook is this the MotW??" Well, let me divulge a little information onto you... Every week a certain someone offers action against the local pigskin squad. We may or may not have a battle between said bettor and said coach of football team. Since this week's theme is gambling... 

The MotW Prop Bet: The spread between the two scores of the Friday Night Game is greater than the spread between the two scores of this matchup: -500

Prediction: Gruden Email Editor

Mystery Guest: Gruden Email Editor

The Cochness Monsters (0-4) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-2)

Yeah, let's be real.... things aren't looking good for The Cochs. Losing Javonte Williams hurts the squad, but nothing else really changes and they sucked before so they will probably suck again. The bigger question is, will Llams get to hoist the belt this week? They within 1 point of the projected week leader. You might be thinking that is the prop bet for this matchup. Wrong. Instead just look at the receivers....

Prop Bet: Kupp scores more points than Smith/Samuel combined: +100

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

PEN15 Wrinkle (1-3) v OBJs in the Stands (2-2)

The actual matchup between these two teams..... ho hum. Boring. I would rather get a handjob from an amish man after he built a barn in 20 minutes than watch this thing play out. Now the battle between the QBs.... now you have my attention. Now, I don't even need a handjob - I have already splooged a few times just thinking about it. Mahomes vs Allen. Both are projected about the same amount of points and both are in matchups their respective teams should win.

Prop Bet: Allen v Mahomes: -110 for each QB

Prediction: OBJs in the Stands

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands

Ankle Holster (2-2) v Hoosier Daddy?* (2-2)

The question this week: What Hoosier Daddy team will show up? Half the time they finish in the top 2 scoring, the other half they finish at the bottom of the middle of the pack. If the stallions show up - this team is tough to beat, but if not they are middle of the pack. Which gives a team like Ankle Holster hope - and hope is a dangerous thing. Which makes this prop bet a little more interesting....

Prop Bet: The losing starting lineup + top bench player still loses to the winning starting lineup: +100

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

ETN out your Grandma* (2-2) v The J-Bones (2-2)

The J-Bones are back and rolling and now they take on a team that definitely fits the role of a contender. Both these teams know how to score points, but they do it in a variety of way. The J-Bones rely heavily on their terrific tandem at running back (Ekeler/Barkley). ETN takes a depth approach from week to week. Which brings us to the prop bet for the matchup....

Prop Bet: The J-Bones will have the top 2 fantasy scoring players in this matchup: +100

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma

Not Big Red* (2-2) v Bluffton Backup Backups (3-1)

Some might say that BBB is shocking the league with their record. Some might say that NBR is shocking the league by hoisting the belt so early in their young career. Either way you look at it, the success of both of these teams is a little mind-boggling. Considering both teams are playing QBs that are definitely beginning to show their age. Matt Ryan was suppose to be the savior for Indianapolis - instead he looks lost half the time. Tom Brady looks like a shell of himself and now he doesn't a supermodel waiting back home to blow off some steam with. The bigger question - which aging QB will score more points this week?

Prop Bet: Tom Brady outscores Matt Ryan in fantasy football: -150

Prediction: Not Big Red

Mystery Guest: Not Big Red

Side Set TD's (2-2) v Watson's Happy Ending (4-0)

This matchup is going to score some points. Every so often you have one of those weeks with good matchups... but it may come during the time when your opponent also has good matchups. For TD's Waller and Adams play Kansas City - which could turn into a shootout. On the flip side, you have Lamar Jackson playing Cincy and Tyreek Hill playing the NYJ. Both of these teams are going to score points, lots of points.

Prop Bet: This matchup has the most total points this week: +100

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending

Mystery Guest: Watson's Happy Ending

As always, good luck to everyone, except for you Aaron Rodger Blows Llams - may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!

With Love,

Commish

Week 4 Results

Full transparency.... F*CK FANTASY FOOTBALL!! In every season, there is inevitably ups-and-downs throughout. Maybe your team has injuries, maybe you make a bad managerial, maybe you lose to a team you shouldn't - either way, there is usually a point in the season that you can at least have solace in. Maybe you made a good pick-up off the waiver wire, maybe you won in a week you shouldn't have won - either way, there is probably something you can point to and be happy about.

Not so much for The Cochness Monsters. Let's break down The Cochness Monster's first quarter of the season...

Week 1 - They lose the Matchup of the Week... panic sets-in

Week 2 - Made a trade, looked good on paper - lost this week, without the trade they win

Week 3 - Leave 30.9 and 21.3 points on the bench - lost again

Week 4 - Two worst teams battle it out, must win - lost.... left 30 points from a player on the bench and lost a crucial player to injury

To say that the downward spiral has set-in is an understatement... will The Cochness Monsters ever win a game? Doubtful. I will say though... there was one last rosterbation before everyone was put on the trading block. Send me some offers and let's get dealing!

Matchup of the Week

ETN out your Grandma* (2-2) v Gruden Email Editor (3-1)

The MotW was one of the matchups that just fall right into the middle of the pack - nothing outrageous and nothing interesting. It is like a Tuesday... just a pretty forgetful day of the week - the day you visit your mother-in-law. It ain't no Wednesday... Wednesday is THE NIGHT....

Prediction: ETN out your Grandma... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma... WRONG!!

Ayahuasca Dreamer (1-3) v The Cochness Monsters (0-4)

If the MotW was a Tuesday... this matchup was a Monday. It absolutely sucked - nothing went well for either of these teams. Looking at the final scoreboard actually pisses me off and it should piss you off as well - think about this... one of these teams was credited with a win. Doesn't that make you want to break something???

Prediction: The Cochness Monsters.... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The Cochness Monsters.... WRONG!!

Hoosier Daddy?* (2-2) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-2)

OH. MY. GOODNESS. This was a crazy matchup, for one Llams is going to lose scoring that many points. That really sucks. Secondly, Hoosier scored 156 points and got 1.8 points from a starting running back. What could have been? Could have possibly been another belt for Hoosier Daddy - now what is going to keep your pants from falling down....

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... WRONG!!

The J-Bones (2-2) v OBJs in the Stands (2-2)

This was another good matchup - two high scoring teams and someone had to lose. What a shame, what a shame. The J-Bones lived up to the preseason hype and had a week that many thought would happen more often. OBJs quietly put together a good team score, but with not standouts. Sadly one has to win and one has to lose - not matter what though Dalton Shultz sucks. He might do better once Dak returns, but for now this ginger blows....

Prediction: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands... WRONG!!

Bluffton Backup Backups (3-1) v PEN15 Wrinkle (1-3)

Remember when we all mocked BBB and said awful his team was? Who is laughing now?!?!? BBB is not 3-1 and in 2nd place of his division. PEN15 finds himself near the bottom of the league... a familiar place for this manager. Some managers are down there with him (myself included), but they are just guests in this man's hotel - who is running a business in the cellar of the league. Honestly, I was trying to think of a video to throw in for this matchup - but at this point I am so shocked at how consistently bad PEN15 is and how BBB keeps winning I can't think of anything, so I leave you with this....

Prediction: Bluffton Backup Backups... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle... WRONG!!

Watson's Happy Ending* (4-0) v Ankle Holster (2-2)

This was the closest matchup of the week - and Happy Ending narrowly stays undefeated for the season. The question is: Will Happy Ending lose first or will The Cochness Monsters win first? Nobody knows. What we do know is that Ankle Holster has been reaping the benefits of the trade that was made with TCM. TCM would be 2-2 had they not made the trade, however - Ankle Holster now sits 2-2....

Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

Side Set TDs (2-2) v Not Big Red* (2-2)

Wow, now this was a matchup. Both teams scored a decent amount of points, neither of them really had any kind of superstar performance. Side Set enjoyed a good week from Russ and the 49ers defense, but no avail. NBR hoists the belt and didn't have a single player score more than 30 points - just a good overall team effort...

Prediction: Side Set TD's... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Side Set TD's... WRONG!!

Season Predictions: 16-12

Mystery Guest: 11-17

With Love

Commish

AJB = 71.4

D. Smith = 50.6

J. Williams = 42.... and now his is out for the season.... efffffffffffffffffFFFFFFFF

C. Akers = 19.6