Welp, we are over a quarter of the way through the league. Typically, this is the time when we do a little write-up about the Quarter Season Awards... not this year. Some might say, "You are getting lazy!" Possibly. However, I say we are giving out too many awards. Soft America. We don't need awards for a fourth of the way through the season. To be honest, we don't need more awards - not everyone is good enough to get an award. So efff that, not quarter season awards - we will wait till the midway point - and then I can complain about it at the midway point and push it off until the end of the season. Instead of awards let's look at some prop bets for the remainder of the season....
A) Watson's Happy Ending/The Cochness Monsters have a perfect season... +5000
B) Cooper Kupp is the highest scoring position player that is not a QB... -110
C) Matthew Stafford throws to a black man more than 10 times during each remaining game... -110
D) The team with the most points scored is also the team with the most wins... +100
E) The first 2-time belt winner comes before week 7... -200
F) Jalen Hurts finishes inside the top 3 at QB PRK... +150
Place your bets gentleman!!
Matchup of the Week
Ayahuasca Dreamer (1-3) v Gruden Email Editor (3-1)
Some may be wondering, "Why the fook is this the MotW??" Well, let me divulge a little information onto you... Every week a certain someone offers action against the local pigskin squad. We may or may not have a battle between said bettor and said coach of football team. Since this week's theme is gambling...
The MotW Prop Bet: The spread between the two scores of the Friday Night Game is greater than the spread between the two scores of this matchup: -500
Prediction: Gruden Email Editor
Mystery Guest: Gruden Email Editor
The Cochness Monsters (0-4) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (2-2)
Yeah, let's be real.... things aren't looking good for The Cochs. Losing Javonte Williams hurts the squad, but nothing else really changes and they sucked before so they will probably suck again. The bigger question is, will Llams get to hoist the belt this week? They within 1 point of the projected week leader. You might be thinking that is the prop bet for this matchup. Wrong. Instead just look at the receivers....
Prop Bet: Kupp scores more points than Smith/Samuel combined: +100
Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams
Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams
PEN15 Wrinkle (1-3) v OBJs in the Stands (2-2)
The actual matchup between these two teams..... ho hum. Boring. I would rather get a handjob from an amish man after he built a barn in 20 minutes than watch this thing play out. Now the battle between the QBs.... now you have my attention. Now, I don't even need a handjob - I have already splooged a few times just thinking about it. Mahomes vs Allen. Both are projected about the same amount of points and both are in matchups their respective teams should win.
Prop Bet: Allen v Mahomes: -110 for each QB
Prediction: OBJs in the Stands
Mystery Guest: OBJs in the Stands
Ankle Holster (2-2) v Hoosier Daddy?* (2-2)
The question this week: What Hoosier Daddy team will show up? Half the time they finish in the top 2 scoring, the other half they finish at the bottom of the middle of the pack. If the stallions show up - this team is tough to beat, but if not they are middle of the pack. Which gives a team like Ankle Holster hope - and hope is a dangerous thing. Which makes this prop bet a little more interesting....
Prop Bet: The losing starting lineup + top bench player still loses to the winning starting lineup: +100
Prediction: Hoosier Daddy
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster
ETN out your Grandma* (2-2) v The J-Bones (2-2)
The J-Bones are back and rolling and now they take on a team that definitely fits the role of a contender. Both these teams know how to score points, but they do it in a variety of way. The J-Bones rely heavily on their terrific tandem at running back (Ekeler/Barkley). ETN takes a depth approach from week to week. Which brings us to the prop bet for the matchup....
Prop Bet: The J-Bones will have the top 2 fantasy scoring players in this matchup: +100
Prediction: The J-Bones
Mystery Guest: ETN out your Grandma
Not Big Red* (2-2) v Bluffton Backup Backups (3-1)
Some might say that BBB is shocking the league with their record. Some might say that NBR is shocking the league by hoisting the belt so early in their young career. Either way you look at it, the success of both of these teams is a little mind-boggling. Considering both teams are playing QBs that are definitely beginning to show their age. Matt Ryan was suppose to be the savior for Indianapolis - instead he looks lost half the time. Tom Brady looks like a shell of himself and now he doesn't a supermodel waiting back home to blow off some steam with. The bigger question - which aging QB will score more points this week?
Prop Bet: Tom Brady outscores Matt Ryan in fantasy football: -150
Prediction: Not Big Red
Mystery Guest: Not Big Red
Side Set TD's (2-2) v Watson's Happy Ending (4-0)
This matchup is going to score some points. Every so often you have one of those weeks with good matchups... but it may come during the time when your opponent also has good matchups. For TD's Waller and Adams play Kansas City - which could turn into a shootout. On the flip side, you have Lamar Jackson playing Cincy and Tyreek Hill playing the NYJ. Both of these teams are going to score points, lots of points.
Prop Bet: This matchup has the most total points this week: +100
Prediction: Watson's Happy Ending
Mystery Guest: Watson's Happy Ending
As always, good luck to everyone, except for you Aaron Rodger Blows Llams - may your entire roster burn in a fiery helicopter crash eerily similar to the one that took down Kobe!
With Love,
Commish
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