Week 13

 This is a big week for some teams, with only two weeks to go - wins are a must at this point. You would hate to face-off agains the only team eliminated from playoff contention and then lose, amirite I Miss Tom Brady?!?!? Let's look at each team and what they need to have happen  

Njigbas in Paris: IN.... keep winning and they will lock up the 1 seed.

East-West TD's: IN.... keep winning and they will lock up the 2 seed, if Njigbas loses they are in contention for the 1 seed.

Time for Love: IN... fighting for the 1 seed... Njigbas or Time for Love will most likely be the 3 seed, whichever team does not win the division.

PEN15 Wrinkle: Either a win or a combination of the 6/5 win teams lose and they are in. As it stands, I project 7 wins and you in - which PEN15 has.

ARBL: Same situation as PEN15... only this team didn't complain about their draft.

Ertz when Eifert: Same situation as PEN15 and ARBL... but they have the toughest ending stretch with Time for Love and ARBL left on their schedule.

Assuming those top 6 teams make the playoffs, that leaves 2 spots for the remaining for fighting teams - which is everyone else not named Gluten Douches....

I Miss Tom Brady: ????.... TB12 and J-Bones control their own destiny, get one win in the remaining two weeks and they are in, unfortunately TB12 plays Njigbas and Time for Love - not a positive outlook

The J-Bones: ????.... controls their own destiny, the only difference between J-Bones and TB12... The J-Bones end with Ankle Holster... much more comforting than Njigbas and Love Time

Handy Rudgins: ????.... realistically need 2 wins... this week looks promising, which means they will need a win in the last week against PEN15

Insert Team Name Here: Light is getting darker... probably needs 2 wins and they end the season with needing multiples wins, teams to lose, and ending with Njigbas in the last week - this is a huuuuge week with a matchup against I Hate Chad G

I Hate Chad G: Realistically need to win both matchups and need to score more points than those in this pack and need teams to lose... gonna be a stretch, but still technically alive

If I had to pick 2 teams to come out of this group I would bet on The J-Bones and Handy Rudgins - but honestly, who knows at this point.

Ankle Holster: Pretty much out... my brain hurts too much to figure out how they could get in... need to win both weeks for sure and need to score a bunch of points more than teams above

Hoosier Daddy: Pretty much out... somehow alive, but to be fair - last week Gluten Douches had the same percentage of life - they won the belt and were still eliminated... is this going to be the first playoffs ever without Hoosier Daddy in attendance?

Gluten Douches: Out... won the belt and got eliminated in the same week - highly doubt that has ever been done before

After this week, things should be a little clearer on who gets in and who doesn't - then it just comes down to playoff seeding.

Matchup of the Week

I Hate Chad G (5-7) v Insert Team Name Here (5-7)

"Battle of True Rivals"

I could talk about how these two have presented the story line of hatred towards each and that is why it is the matchup of the week. I could also present the story line that this may be one of the last opportunities for I Hate Chad G in the league. In all reality, it is the MotW because the loser goes home. I don't see a world with the loser of this matchup making the playoffs.

QB: Levis v Murray

Edge: Murray

Reasoning: Kyler Murray actually has a much tougher matchup (Pittsburgh) and this is not that large of an edge as it looks on paper. Pittsburgh has shut down opposing QBs all season long, but to be completely honest - I don't trust Will Levis. His best game happened to be his first game and it was solely because Hopkins turned back the clock and took it the house multiple times. Not happening any time soon, slight edge to KM1.

RB: Charbonnet/Dowdle v Mixon/Etienne

Edge: Mixon/Etienne

Reasoning: This is the biggest disadvantage for Team Hatred - not because Charbonnet and Dowdle are terrible, but because it should be Barkley and Edwards.... bye week. It is tough to have both your starting running backs out when you need to get a win. On the flip side, Mixon and Etienne are both in line for a good week as their respective teams face-off against each other and neither team really brings in that stellar of a defense. 

WR: Waddle/Thielen v Smith/Brown

Edge: Waddle/Thielen 

Reasoning: Waddle is the reasoning... Smith and Brown both come into this week a little banged-up. Waddle is facing off against a weak Washington defense - if you remember, Washington shipped away their best pass rushers at the trade deadline. This gives plenty of time for Tua to pick apart the secondary and you can bet that Waddle is in line for a big week.

TE: Pitts v Thomas

Edge: Thomas

Reasoning: Pitts should be the better option, but he is stuck of Atlanta and they have no idea how to use their playmakers effectively. Pitts should be one of the top TEs in the NFL - all the physical abilities - but he has no QB or offense that is capable of getting him the ball. Which then leaves Thomas, the former college QB, who should have a decent matchup against the Miami defense. Honestly, flip a coin on this one - but I would bet Thomas outscoring Pitts.

FLEX: Pittman v Mostert

Edge: Mostert

Reasoning: Don't get me wrong Pittman could have a great week... but do you really trust Minshew? If they create the same type of offense as last week, Pittman should see 10+ targets. However, I just don't know if I trust the Indianapolis offense to really get going. On the flip side, Mostert is on a high powered offense that moves the ball. He will have plenty of opportunities in the red zone and he should easily get 10+ points this week.

DEF/K: Eagles/Santos v Chargers/Sanders

Edge: Chargers/Sanders

Reasoning: Well, the Eagles play San Francisco and Santos is on a bye. As long as Chargers and Sanders don't score negative points - I think they win this matchup.

Prediction: Insert Team Name Here

Mystery Guest: Insert Team Name Here

Gluten Douches (3-9) v East West TD's (8-4)

There is absolutely no reason to pick the Gluten Douches... but I am going to. If CMC has a pedestrian week (rarely happens), anything is possible. Lawrence just needs to keep throwing the ball and winning football games with offense and then the three headed monster of Bijan/Ekeler/Kyren need to all have big weeks. Each one of those players could score 20-25 points and after that you hope you could muster up 30+ points to reach a respectable score. On the flip side, Ridley will cancel out Lawrence and Puka will battle Kyren for touches. Neither team needs anything out of this week, but if East West wants to keep contending for the 1 seed - they need to keep winning.

Prediction: Gluten Douches

Mystery Guest: East West TD's

Handy Rudgins (5-7) v Hoosier Daddy (4-8)

Will Handy Rudgins pay attention? They don't have a TE on the roster anywhere other than the one that is on bye week and they have a starting wide receiver in the lineup that is on bye week. My guess... they figure it out and make a change. In a week where a win is crucial, Handy needs his big-time players to step-up. On the flip side, Hoosier Daddy needs to win and score a ton of points - Taysom Hill is an interesting play. Kind of like a hole in the wall... it could turn-out really well.... but 90% of the time, it is going to end up being another dude on the other side.

Prediction: Handy Rudgins

Mystery Guest: Handy Rudgins

Njigbas in Paris (9-3) v I Miss TB12 (6-6)

Yeahhhhhh, let's just say this... Njigbas starting lineup involves every player/position inside the top 10 at their respective position - outside of Jaylen Warren. I Miss TB12 has every position outside of the top 10, besides Mahomes (and their kicker). Get the picture? If not, think about this - it is like running a relay race and one team is full Njigbas and one team is full of Tom Brady's.... you know who is winning.

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris

Time for Love (8-4) v Ertz when Eifert (7-5)

You want to know what is a nice feeling? Looking at your roster and realizing you have Travis Kelce. Kelce is averaging 17 points a week and has one week where he has scored less than 10 points - consistency. On top of Kelce, Love Time also has Alvin Kamara - who is now ranked as RB number 7... even after his suspension. Kamara is averaging 20 points a week and that would actually make hi the RB number 3... if he played every game. On the flip side, it is a nice feeling looking at your roster and seeing Tyreek Hill and George Kittle. Kittle has scored 20+ points in three of his last four matchups and Hill is in the running for fantasy MVP this year. To be fair, I flipped a coin and it landed on....

Prediction: Ertz when Eifert

Mystery Guest: Time for Love

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (7-5) v Ankle Holster (4-8)

It pretty much comes down to this... I am losing in the picks to Mystery Guest. I know the MG is going to pick Ankle Holster - I am picking ARBL. It also happens to work out that is makes sense this week.... I mean Ankle Holster is one of the teams that Gluten Douches beat this year... which means they must be awful!

*Turns out that the MG did not pick ARBL... about time he realizes how sh**ty his team is

**Also, Ankle Holster must be inhaling some of that good tent fog - picking up Aaron Rodgers for the bench

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

The J-Bones (6-6) v PEN15 Wrinkle (7-5)

In my class I have a few diehard Seattle Seahawks fans - senior boys. For past three years they have told me how their secondary is not good and this year it has not changed. The sentiment is, "If you want to beat Seattle, just throw the ball." You know what that means? Dak and Lamb are about to have a field day. This is the stack to have this week... and King Henry gets to face-off against Indy's run defense. Look for PEN15 to have a big week and possibly make a run at the belt!

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle

Eff that little motto, did nothing for me... much like the Covid shot that did nothing for Demar Hamlin

With Love

Commish

Week 12 Results

One week down... two more to go... and the race gets tighter. Let's jump straight into it and break down the race and who is looking to get in and who is looking to go home early....

IN - Njigbas in Paris, East West TD's, Time for Love

Should be in - Aaron Rodgers Blows Llamas, PEN15 Wrinkle, Ertz when Eifert

In the race - The J-Bones, I Miss TB12, Handy Rudgins, I Hate Chad G, Insert Team Name Here

Probably Out - Ankle Holster, Hoosier Daddy

OUT - Gluten Douches.... but they won the belt this week!!

We will be focusing on the middle of the pack in next week's predictions, with 2 weeks to go - the picture is becoming more clear. However, it is ironic that as soon as the Gluten Douches were eliminated from playoff contention - they have their best week. It is, what it is.

Matchup of the Week

Time for Love (8-4) v PEN15 Wrinkle (7-5)

Could there have been a better MotW? I think not. Let's break it down how it all happened...

PEN15 jumps out to a large lead after the Thanksgiving games... the big dogs (Dak and Lamb) did their part as well as Montgomery and LaPorta. 

Slowly, but surely, Time for Love builds a comeback. Until it looks like it was too large of a deficit. 

Love Time is down nearly 60 points going into the Bills/Eagles game. Fear not, Josh Allen and Gabe Davis are here.

But wait, the game is over - Love Time is still losing... never fear Jake Elliott is here. Dude is absolute stud. Elliott makes a 60 yarder in the rainy weather and pushes the game to over time.

Josh Allen and Gabe Davis win the coin flip and the rest is history... minus the part where the Bills lost the game... but who cares about that? They did their job for fantasy!

Prediction: Time for Love... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle... WRONG!!

Gluten Douches* (3-9) v I Miss Tom Brady (6-6)

Is anybody really surprised by this? Not this guy. Kyren Williams was a stud before getting injured and he is still a stud after being injured. Atlanta looks competent when they actually use their best player on their roster. On the flip side, I Miss TB12 had a good week... but this loss is devastating to their race to the playoffs. This was a win that was probably counted on, now they are going to have to find a win (maybe two) in the last two weeks.

Prediction: Gluten Douches... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: I Miss Tom Brady... WRONG!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams (7-5) v Hoosier Daddy (4-8)

So there is this guy who is really good at football and an absolute stud at fantasy football. His name is Jalen Hurts. It does help when you are throwing the ball to one of the best receiving duos in the NFL and you know he is going to have designed runs. Hurts had 2 rushing touchdowns and 65 rushing yards - that line alone would have put him as the 12th best RB - then you throw in his QB stats. Plus, JT had a good game and is looking stronger each week. The Indianapolis offensive line is starting to enforce their will and nobody trusts Minshew to throw the ball. ARBL is looking like a team destine to make a run in the playoffs. On the flip side, Hoosier Daddy is a long way from last season. This is unfamiliar ground for them, they are not out of it completely - but things are looking grim.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... RIGHT!!

The J-Bones (6-6) v East West TD's (8-4)

There are times in a fantasy football matchup when it only takes one or two guys and you are going to win. Christian McCaffrey is that guy. There is just nothing more to say about it - he is THAT GUY. On the flip side, The J-Bones are team stuck in the middle. They trade for a guy like Justin Herbert - someone who should be really good... yet, nothing seems to be going right. The J-Bones are going to need to win in the next two weeks, and next week's matchup doesn't look too appealing (PEN15 Wrinkle).

Prediction: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Handy Rudgins (5-7) v Insert Team Name Here (5-7)

This was a big matchup for both teams to stay in the hunt.... definitely not the week you want two positions to score negative points. To think that Insert Team Name had three players score more than 20 points individually and they still only managed to score 96 points - no bueno. On the flip side, Handy escapes with a win - but they are going to have to figure out their QB situation. Is Purdy going to be the guy to fill-in for Burrow or will Howell be the guy? Only time will tell.

Prediction: Handy Rudgins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Insert Team Name Here.... WRONG!!

I Hate Chad G (5-7) v Ertz when Eifert (7-5)

Defense wins championships, plain and simple. Let's take this matchup for example....

Eagles Defense: -2 points

Miami Defense: 23 points

If these numbers were their averages, I Hate Chad G wins this matchup. If these numbers were their projections, I Hate Chad G wins this matchup. However, that is why you play the game! They weren't and Ertz when Eifert wins the matchup.

Prediction: I Hate Chad G... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Ertz when Eifert... RIGHT!!

Njigbas in Paris (9-3) v Ankle Holster (4-8)

NJIGBA. A. DOUBT.

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

With Love

Commish

Season: 43-41

Mystery Guest: 44-40

GD Top Drafted RB: J. Jacobs (174.1)

AH Top Drafted RB: J. Cook (152.9)

Week 12 Predictions

Alright, so I have been trying figure how best to set this up... this is what I settled on.

Matchups will be posted and likely scenarios within the matchups will be posted. It doesn't mean that is the only way that team will make the playoffs - it is just the most likely way. Similar to warming up an oven.... lots of ways to get that engine going. To name a few: The Interviewer, Doggy Bowl, Peek-a-Boo, Get Over Here, Sandcastles, Sideways Salad, and my personal favorite "Oh no you didn't."

Take those for what you will, we all have time off this week - I recommend really making your your oven is open to new ideas before trying to start it a new way. I also recommend stretching before hand.

Matchup of the Week

Time for Love (7-4) v PEN15 Wrinkle (7-4)

Love Time: Most likely in.... 8 wins should get you in. Finishing the season with teams with currently winning records - but I like your odds to get one win amongst the three matchups.

PEN15 Wrinkle: Most likely in.... 8 wins should get you in. You finish the season with Love Time/JBones/Handy.... if you can't win one of these and you lose the points tie-breakers... you deserve to not make it.

Both these teams are high enough that they should win any tie-breaker, they are actually fighting to stay alive in the race to win the regular season. Surprise both are chasing a Njigba!

Prediction: Time for Love

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle

Gluten Douches (2-9) v I Miss Tom Brady (6-5)

I Miss Tom Brady: Most likely in... getting a win this week would be extremely helpful... they finish with Gluten/Njigbas/Love Time... two of those teams are playoff/top seed contenders... this week is a "must" win week... chance drop tremendously if they do not win this week

Gluten Douches: Already out... not even sure what ESPN is thinking here... 5 wins at best... 8 teams already with more wins than that... I am just playing spoiler from here on out

Prediction: Gluten Douches

Mystery Guest: I Mist Tom Brady

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams* (6-5) v Hoosier Daddy (4-7)

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams: Most likely in... this week is important... although they still get a matchup with Ankle Holster (also not very good) and then they face Ertz when Eifert... a win in one of these first two weeks would eliminate a needed win in the last week.

Hoosier Daddy: Most likely who knows... Seems unfair to put that for a team like Hoosier Daddy, hear me out... their last two weeks are against Gluten and Handy - neither team has a winning record and neither team is that good... if they win those matchups they can get to 6 wins... if they win this week, they could get to 7 wins.... this is an important week!

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

The J-Bones** (6-5) v East West TDs (7-4)

The J-Bones: Most likely in... I can't believe I typed that after the injuries... they will need to win the last week against Ankle Holster... and if they get one win between Titties and PEN15, they are in.... but the win against Ankle Holster should do it without the other win.

East West Titties:  Most likely in... Fighting for the top seed/2nd seed.... if they win their division they lock up the 2nd seed in the playoffs... they finish the season with Jbones/Gluten/Hatred... most likely going to get the 2nd seed at minimum

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Handy Rudgins (4-7) v Insert Team Name Here (5-6)

Handy Rudgins: Most who knows... A win here helps tremendously... I think 6 wins is the going to be the bare minimum to get in... after this week they need to win against Hoosier Daddy... then they need to hope things fall their way... they are not beating PEN15 in the final week to get in... heard it here first.

Insert Team Name Here: Most likely who knows... I personally think that it could come down between Handy/Insert/Hoosier/Eifert for the final spot... this week is super important for Insert Team Name to stay 1 game ahead of those two... Handy has a big advantage in tie-breaker... but Insert Team Name has the easier schedule to end

Prediction: Handy Rudgins

Mystery Guest: Insert Team Name Here

I Hate Chad G (5-6) v Ertz when Eifert (6-5)

I Hate Chad G: Most likely out.... they need to win here to even have a chance... then they have a chance to ruin Insert Team Name Here's chance (ironic)... if they win both those matchups... they have a chance to finish 7-7 and squeak by some team... must win week

Ertz when Eifert: Most likely who knows... they apart of a 4 team battle for the last spots... after this week they have tough matchups against Love Time and ARBL (both teams that I think are top spot contenders)... need to win this week or that who knows flips to "Most likely out"

Prediction: I Hate Chad G

Mystery Guest: Ertz when Eifert

Njigbas in Paris**** (8-3) v Ankle Holster (4-7)

Njigbas in Paris: Most likely in... already have 8 wins... gonna win any tie-breaker... they only reason why they are not 100 percent is because teams could theoretically tie and then they could "possibly" lose the tie-breakers, but we all know that isn't happening

Ankle Holster: Most likely out... gonna lose this week... which doesn't help... they finish the season with matchups against Njigbas/ARBL/JBones... all have winning records. They would need to win at bare minimum two of those matchups and then hope for help... that is bare minimum.

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Eff that little motto, did nothing for me... much like the Covid shot that did nothing for Demar Hamlin

With Love

Commish

Week 11 Results

Well, well, well - I had already written the entry below and then, what do you know, the Douches are not fully eliminated. ESPN says we have 1 percent chance to make the playoffs. Be on the look out for scenarios for each team to make the playoffs - the upcoming predictions blog will feature likely scenarios and then predictions. It might take a while to figure out how the Douches can actually make the playoffs.

Don't bother sending me offers - unless you are going rape yourself (without lube), I am probably not going to accept the trade. I like my team and I also think that some of my players would help out a team in the race and since there is no benefit for me to trade away players and get future picks (we should look into doing a dynasty league)... I will just sit in the corner and cuck my way as you guys all fight for a playoff spot.

***The post below was written before the Monday Night Football game***

***It has finally happened.... WE HAVE ELIMINATED A TEAM FROM THE RACE!! Given, it was my team.... but we held for much longer than I thought we would. The Gluten Douches squad is now locked up and can longer be apart of a trade. Which does remove some decent players from those that are desirable - although they shouldn't be that desirable if they couldn't even make the playoffs. 

I get it - the Douches sucked this year. To think that a team with Davante Adams/Austin Ekeler/Trevor Lawrence with the addition of Bijan Robinson didn't make the playoffs. I am not complaining - but when those guys would be heavily sought after in the trade market does erk me a little. No worries though.... I get the chance to play spoiler, although my sh*tty ass team will probably fail at that as well.

Matchup of the Weak

The J-Bones** (6-5) v Insert Team Name Here (5-6)

This was a big win for The J-Bones... and I am not going to toot my horn - but I pretty called everything correctly in this matchup. It is ironic that I can do that, but my team still sucks and I am getting it handed to me in picks. Nonetheless, this is a needed win for The J-Bones and I can't help but think if Chubb and Williams didn't get hurt. This team still has a decent chance to make the playoffs and this win carried by Herbert and Cowboys. The Chargers are terrible, but Herbert continues to score well - proving that fantasy football and real football don't always coincide.

Prediction: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!

Gluten Douches (2-9) v Ertz when Eifert (6-5)

This was a big win for Ertz when Eifert - possibly their biggest. What I mean by that.... this is the most points this team has scored... ALL. F*CKING. YEAR. Going into this matchup they were averaging 30+ less than what they scored this matchup. Given, the Douches were losing anyways - but the narrative rings true.... want a chance at the belt? Fire up some Douches and start cleaning house (see what I did there).

Prediction: Ertz when Eifert... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ertz when Eifert... RIGHT!!

Hoosier Daddy (4-7) v No Time for Love (7-4)

No Time for Love is getting hot at the right time... and Hoosier Daddy is not. It definitely hurt that a majority of the team was on a bye week - but I am not sure there is enough fire power even when at full capacity. On the flip side, No Time for Love got a huuuuuge win in terms of the playoff push and they did it without Kamara - comfortably 20 points more than both running backs combined this week. There is a good chance that Aaron Jones is done for a couple weeks and now No Time is going to need to do something to make a push deep into the playoffs. They have the firepower... do they have the depth?

Prediction: No Time for Love... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love... RIGHT!!

East/West TD's** (7-4) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams* (6-5)

This was a big win for Titties... 7 wins should make the playoffs. On the flip side, ARBL has a good team and should make the playoffs, but they definitely need to lock up their 7th win before it gets too late. Luckily for them, they face two teams with a losing record and then another team that will be very close in the playoff push. Essentially, their fate is in their hands and they have a comforting schedule to finish the year.

Prediction: East/West TD's... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... WRONG!!

I Miss TB12 (6-5) v Handy Rudgins (4-7)

The KC Gang lost last night, but TB12 got what he needed. Pacheco runs soooo hard - I really like his game. The only problem with Pacheco - he doesn't necessarily equate to a terrific fantasy football player. He is a terrific runner in an offense that wants to put the ball in their QB's hands. A win is a win and if Burrow and Chase don't score more than 20 combined.... or individually.... Handy's days are numbered!

Prediction: Handy Rudgins... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Handy Rudgins... WRONG!!

Ankle Holster (4-7) v I Hate Chad G (5-6)

What a matchup this became!! Team Hatred narrowly took the lead and then made the decision of all decisions.... he took out his defense. They ended up scoring positive points (Eagles - 6 points)... but you would hate to see the end of the playoff race come down to a tie-breaker and they end up losing on "Points Scored." It should also be noted that Team Hatred's bench outscored 5 other team's starters... and that is with two players on the bye.

Prediction: I Hate Chad G... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!

PEN15 Wrinkle* (7-4) v Njigbas in Paris**** (8-3)

Remember when I said that this should have probably been the MotW? Well, I guess somehow decided to showcase themselves anyway. Those fancy Njigbas... the only position not scoring double digits was the defense (Cleveland had 8 points). That is some serious depth. Let's be real.... Njigbas are probably the team to beat as move closer to the playoffs - which means I may have just jinxed them. Plus, PEN15 becomes even stronger with a trade that went down unbeknownst to me and it will be processed after this week. Sam LaPorta will be joining the squad... which will be a very good replacement for Andrews. Could this be a preview to a future championship?!?

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!!

With Love

Commish

Season: 38-39

Mystery Guest: 42-35

GD Top Drafted RB: J. Jacobs (151.6 points)

AH Top Drafted RB: B. Hall (139 points)

Week 11 Predictions

And we are here... 4 weeks to go to the end of the regular season. There is still not a team eliminated in the race - but the race is getting clearer....

Most Likely In

Njigbas in Paris

PEN15 Wrinkle

East/West TD's

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

No Time for Love

These teams should make the playoffs - but it is not a for sure thing yet. It looks like 8 wins will for sure lock up a spot and NIP and Wrinkle are one win away from that. The other teams in this grouping are two wins away and will have plenty of opportunity to lock up that win with some matchups against teams that they should win.

Muddied Middle

The J-Bones

Ertz when Eifert

Insert Team Name Here

I Miss TB12

If 8 wins for sure get you in the playoffs - 7 wins will probably slip into the playoffs. There are 8 teams to make the playoffs, if we assume that the "Most Likely In" group are all going to make the playoffs, that leaves 3 spots left for other teams to fill-in. This group has 4 teams... 4 is bigger than 3... that means one team is a pretender. If I had to guess, it might be The J-Bones who still have matchups with East/West TD's and PEN15 Wrinkle. That makes this week that much more important... when two of these teams face-off.

The Light is getting Darker

Handy Rudgins

Ankle Holster

I Hate Chad G

Hoosier Daddy

Gluten Douches

This group is all looking like it is going to be a struggle to make it... but there is always that one team that makes a run. The last place team only has 2 wins and there are 4 weeks left... which means there is a rare scenario where 6 wins gets into the playoffs. Let's remove that scenario.... 7 wins is what it is going to take. If I had to bet on a team to make a run and squeak into the playoffs - it would be Handy Rudgins. They are getting better as the season goes along... they also have a propensity for making deep runs if they make the playoffs.

Matchup of the Week

The J-Bones** (5-5) v Insert Team Name Here (5-5)

QB: Murray v Herbert

Edge: Herbert

Reasoning: Murray plays for Arizona and to be completely honest...  I have never trusted anything from Arizona. I met this one girl in college from Tucson - she broke my heart into a million pieces and never put it back together. For that reason, I am taking Herbert - who is also playing Green Bay and they have forgotten how to play football in the beer drinking state.

RB: Mixon/Etienne v Pollard/Conner

Edge: Mixon/Etienne

Reasoning: Conner plays in Arizona and to be completely honest... I have never trusted anything from Arizona. I met this one girl in college from Phoenix - she broke my heart into a million pieces and never put it back together. For that reason, I am taking Etienne and Mixon - who are both top 20 running backs and Etienne is a top 3 running back.

WR: Smith/Cooper v Godwin/McLaurin

Edge: Smith/Cooper

Reasoning: Smith has a good matchup against Kansas City... even though he isn't the number one receiver in Philly. Kansas City have given up big plays through the air and Smith is the big play receiver. On the flip side, Godwin plays against San Fransisco and they completely shut down Jacksonville's air attack last week. Also, in Washington - Howell is throwing the ball all over the field, except to McLaurin.

TE: Kincaid v Kmet

Edge: Kincaid

Reasoning: Kincaid has become an emerging weapon in Buffalo and he is looking like a young Gronk/Kelce. He runs well and he finds the open space - Allen looks his way often and Kincaid could easily finish as a top 5 TE by the end of the season. New York has a good defense.... on the outside. That leaves Kincaid free to work in the middle... Buffalo has struggled, but Kincaid has performed.

FLEX: Mostert v Foreman

Edge: Foreman

Reasoning: Detroit is playing some high quality football... on the offensive side. Foreman is lined up for a good week against Detroit. Mostert has Achane returning back to the lineup and they could be facing a running back split.

DEF/K: Detroit/Sanders v Dallas/Bass

Edge: Cowboys/Bass

Reasoning: If you have paid attention to the NFL, the Dallas Cowboys are the hottest team in the league right now. Their offense is flying all around defenses and it frees up their defense to really turn up the heat. Dallas is also matching up against Carolina - and Bryce Young has struggled all year. I would not be shocked to see Dallas score more than 15 points this week.

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Ertz when Eifert (5-5) v Gluten Douches (2-8)

Yeahhhhh..... there is no real reason for this prediction. It is going to take a huge week from Ekeler and something magical from Adams. It is not looking good for the must win Douches. On the flip side, Hill/Kittle/Robinson all have a comfy matchup this week and most likely they will continue their superior play. Things are not looking good and at this point I need to hedge my bets with trying to actually win the predictions play (which isn't going well either).

Prediction: Ertz when Eifert

Mystery Guest: Ertz when Eifert

Hoosier Daddy (4-6) v No Time for Love (6-4)

Somehow, Josh Allen is still the number rated QB. He has struggled and now he plays the Jets - who are really good on the defensive side of the ball. However, there are two players on Hoosier Daddy that I am just not sold on. Ty Chandler and Jordan Addison. I know, I know, Dobbs had a good first game with Minnesota. You know who else had a good first game? Zach Wilson. Look at that man now. Kelce and Aiyuk present too much upside. This team is seriously good, they have Kamara (bye week) that can fill in for Dowdle.

Prediction: No Time for Love

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love

East/West TD's** (6-4) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams* (6-4)

If the MotW wasn't between two teams that desperately need this win, this would be the MotW. Both of these teams are in the top grouping in the league and will most likely make the playoffs. This win would bring them one win closer to clinching a spot. Titties has been struggling, but I just don't know what to expect with half of ARBL's team coming off the IR. They might ball out and they might have a little rust. At this point, the only safe play is to take Titties - handfuls of 'em.

Prediction: East/West TD's

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

I Miss TB12 (5-5) v Handy Rudgins (4-6)

My pick for the team to emerge out of the bottom group and find a way to make the playoffs.... Handy Rudgins. It all starts this week, with the hot play of Burrow and Chase. Think about this, Cincy lost last week and Burrow and Chase still combined for 43.2 points. Not too shabby. Let's also mention, Mahomes and the Kansas City offense has been a little shaky. Now they have the Super Bowl rematch with Philly - I am not sure I trust the KC offense. They have been jinxed by all the Swifties!

Prediction: Handy Rudgins

Mystery Guest: Handy Rudgins

Ankle Holster (4-6) v I Hate Chad G (4-6)

I am going to be completely honest.... I know that Ankle Holster is picking himself. If I want any chance to beat him in predictions - I need I Hate Chad G to come out with the win this week. It really doesn't look good as of this writing, with Green Bay getting to play the LAC defense (who don't really play defense in the first place). It is crazy to look at Holster's roster and think that they have every player inside the top 30 at their position and every player but two inside the top 20 and yet they are 5-5. Come on Team Hatred, we need a win!!!

Prediction: I Hate Chad G

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

PEN15 Wrinkle* (7-3) v Njigbas in Paris*** (7-3)

I will admit... somehow I missed this matchup. This should easily be the MotW. This is a battle between the two teams in the lead of each division and arguably two of the top 3 teams. I sincerely apologize to both managers.... this is a mistake on my part. Aside from that, Njigbas has every player inside the top 10 at their position (outside of Jaylen Warren). On the flip side, the Dallas Cowboys have been hot!!! They face-off against Carolina... not a good team. Can the stack of Prescott/Lamb keep up with the consistency of my favorite french shadows? Nah, baby, nah.

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris

As always... good luck to everyone... except for you, Ertz when Eifert, may your entire roster turn into a body double and forget how to play football - eerily similar to the fate of Demar Hamlin.

With Love

Commish

Week 10 Results

Soooooooooooo..... every week I list the games in the NFL on the whiteboard. I pick who I think is going to win each game and then some senior boys write their initials for their picks. Usually, it goes back and forth between who wins the most games - winner gets a Gatorade. Neither here nor there. Although, one things has stood out....

Three weeks ago, the Carolina Panthers played the Houston Texans. Everyone and their mother picked the Texans to win the game. In fact, one senior actually wrote "They are terrible!" next to the Carolina Panthers. Guess who won that game? The Carolina Panthers

Earlier this week, that same senior wrote "This game is a lock!" next to the Tennessee Titans... they lost to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Just wait, two times is coincidence - but three?

Then before the MNF game, someone wanted to test the jinxing theory and they wrote "This game is a lock!" next to the Buffalo Bills. In fact, I pointed it out to the seniors in homeroom and everyone agreed that if the jinx is real - Denver would somehow win. Did you watch the game?!?!?!? The Bills should have won - it was literally in her mouth and the kids walked in. 

Jinxed.

Matchup of the Week

Gluten Douches (2-8) v Ankle Holster (4-6)

Well, well, well. Looks like we got ourselves a little upset in the building. Ekeler finally remembered how to play football and the Atlanta Falcons started to give their best player the ball more often. However, T. Lawrence really screwed the pooch and even though the Douches won this week - Lawrence lost the matchup to Love and ended costing GD's manager $5. Plenty of "if's" "and's" or "but's" with players on Ankle Holster's bench that could have played and won the matchup for them. If I were him, I would stay up all night just thinking about the opportunity that slipped away this week.

Prediction: Gluten Douches... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster.... WRONG!!

Njigbas in Paris*** (7-3) v Hoosier Daddy (4-6)

Well, it seems that Njigbas in Paris were a little upset that all the talk of the league was about Titties....

"How's about some chattin' about the field Njigbas?"

Okay, okay - I will buy a couple Njigbas for around the house. Specifically, I would purchase K. Allen and A. St. Brown. Those wide receivers know how to play football and their offenses move the ball. The pass catchers will be what carries this squad deep in the playoffs.

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!

No Time for Love (6-4) v East/West TD's** (6-4)

Who would have thought that a team with their kicker wins a matchup and also beats out 7 other teams... wild. It does help that he also had Kamara who scored nearly 20 and 3 others that scored nearly 15 points. A thing consistency is big right now - and Titties is now facing a 2 games losing streak. Run CMC did his job, buuuuuuuuttttttt nobody else did. The 49ers defense made the Jacksonville offense look lost - and that includes Etienne. Titties will need to bounce back quickly, things are quickly unraveling.

Prediction: East/West TD's... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love.... RIGHT!!

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams* (6-4) v Insert Team Name Here (5-5)

If there was a week to play ARBL it may have been this week. They welcome back Hurts and Jefferson next week and it looks like they will be at full strength. That makes this team a little more scary with Hurts/Jefferson/Taylor and the 49ers defense. The problem after that for ARBL is it is a complete crapshoot who else to play. For Team Name, this is a big win - keeping them completely in the middle of the race for the playoffs. It is always nice to secure a win when you have no player scoring above 20 points - that shows the consistency of your lineup. Do I sense a QB battle between K1 and Baker???

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... WRONG!!

The J-Bones** (5-5) v I Miss Tom Brady (5-5)

Where did the middle part of The J-Bones lineup go?!?!? Herbert scores 28 points and Foreman gets 17 points - but everybody in between stayed below 10 points. Also, I would like to take a little credit for the QB swap (even though I may had nothing to do with it). I did write about how I did not like the Geno Smith play and he went with Josh Dobbs... who did outscore Geno (by less than 2 points). Mattison did struggle Singletary picked up the slack.

Prediction: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... WRONG!!

Handy Rudgins (4-6) v Ertz when Eifert (5-5)

It is funny that a team that has a losing record has scored more than 120 points in 3 of the last 4 weeks. The week that he did not reach that benchmark, he scored 80 points. Even further, 2 of the last 3 weeks he has scored more than 145 points. When they are hot, they are hot.... catch him on a cold week and you are golden. On the flip side, Ertz had some big weeks from some unexpected names... Brian Robinson and Tyler Lockett. Some of you might be thinking, Lockett is a fairly big name? Not this year. He is not even a top 20 wide receiver, and has nearly double the amount of times less than 10 points than more than 20 points. However, this week - he came up big.... just happen to catch Handy on the wrong week.

Prediction: Handy Rudgins... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: Handy Rudgins... RIGHT!!

I Hate Chad G (4-6) v PEN15 Wrinkle* (7-3)

Is there a hotter stack than Prescott and Lamb? No. To think that Wrinkle scored 135 points with 3 points from King Henry. Not that it was really needed, Team Hatred struggled this week... not even breaking 90 total points. It is amazing the rawdogging that Wrinkle complained happened to him after the draft and here he is sitting atop the Limp Bizkit division. Hell, I would get rawdogged for one win, let alone top of the division, right about now!!

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle... RIGHT!!

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle... RIGHT!!

With Love

Commish

Season: 32-38

Mystery Guest: 38-32

GD Top Drafted RB: J. Jacobs - 145.5 points

AH Top Drafted RB: B. Hall - 120 points

Week 10 Predictions

With the season winding down and the playoff race heating up, some of you may find yourself looking at the standings on the league page. A few things to note - the Gluten Douches are not officially eliminated... it does still say 1% chance!!! Which does mean they need to win out and probably have some help along the way. Other than that, there are still a slew of teams with chances between 25% and 50% to make it and 4 teams with above 90% chance to make it in. The race is wiiiiide open and it should be an exciting final 5 weeks.

We will start the countdown and scenarios at 4 weeks to go - but for now let me regal you with a little story about a skinny white boy, who worked for the local airport security, and his love life. His ex-girlfriend Marnie was a total b*tch and at best a 3 (with the lights off) - but for whatever reason our hero Kirk tried to get back with her. As fate would have it, a bonafide 10 walks through the airport and leaves her phone - here enters our hero. He picks up and arranges to meet with Molly (banging hottie) to return, sometime later she actually asks him out. Wait whhhhaaat??? I sh*t you not. This bozo is about to reach the promise land of a legitimate 10 - pretty sure he might prematurely handle his business or some sort. He begins to doubt his chances with her and then things fall apart. But wait????? There is more!

He goes back after the girl and they make beautiful love - none that gets witnesses.... but I am sure you could do a quick Google search and find your own final scene if you really wanted. Nonetheless, this little fable is told to remind you good looking fantasy football teams that eventually you are going to end up with the skinny, nerdy, airport security guy and eventually they are gonna f*ck you.

Be careful up there on your high throne - you all gotta come down to the mud with losers at some point.

Matchup of the Week

Gluten Douches (1-8) v Ankle Holster (4-5)

"Sensei vs Mystery Guest"

QB: T. Lawrence v J. Love

Edge: T. Lawrence

Reasoning: Peyton Manny Jr. is going to obliterate J. Love. The Packers offense has been abysmal and Love may be the reason for those struggles. It also doesn't help that Love has to play against Pittsburgh defense - who gets 10 days of rest and preparation this week.

RB: Bijan/Ekeler v Hall/Cook

Edge: Bijan/Ekeler

Reasoning: Let's be honest, Bijan and the Atlanta offense has been a complete let down as of late. I hear reports all the time about how good he is and that they want to protect him - but you have to give him the ball for him to show how good he is!!! As lackluster as Bijan has been (which he is still ranked 13th), Ekeler can be just as good! Detroit has a good defense.... passing defense - they are not known for shutting down the running backs. Look for Ekeler to have a big game this week.

WR: Adams/Thomas v Diggs/Doubs

Edge: Diggs/Doubs

Reasoning: If this matchup were three years ago - easily the edge goes to Adams and Thomas. Unfortunately, it isn't and Diggs is the clear runaway favorite in this matchup. Thomas is pretty touchdown dependent in an offense that looks pretty focused on getting Kamara the ball. Adams is lost in a horrible Las Vegas offense. On the flip side, Diggs is Allen's butt buddy and Doubs plays for team that is losing most games and will need to throw the ball to keep up.

TE: Engram v African Name

Edge: Engram

Reasoning: I don't want to write that other guy's name.

FLEX: Boyd v Jacobs

Edge: Jacobs

Reasoning: As bad as Las Vegas' offense is, Josh Jacobs is the only thing that keeps them in the games. They need him to touch the ball 15-20 times a game and that kind of opportunity is too valuable. Unless Boyd scores - this is Jacobs matchup.

DEF/K: Raiders/Folk v Colts/Dicker

Edge: Dicker/Colts

Reasoning: The Raiders have the best matchup for a defense - but saying Dicker the Kicker is too fun!

Prediction: Gluten Douches

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

Njigbas in Paris** (6-3) v Hoosier Daddy (4-5)

Don't get me wrong this matchup is still slanted towards Njigbas - but just imagine what it would look like if they weren't missing the Tua/Hill stack and Dallas Goedert is also on a bye. Nonetheless, Allen and St. Brown are no slouches at WR and Stroud has been playing like a top 10 QB. On the flip side, Hoosier Daddy is going with a two TE lineup: LaPorta and Hill. LaPorta is a top 5 TE - and he is apart of a Detroit offense that looks really good (feels weird typing that sentence). Hill is a gadget player - but he has been apart a touchdown play the last three weeks (throwing/rushing). I don't think it will be enough to close the gap with Njigbas - but I am interested to see if he can score again this week.

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris

No Time for Love (5-4) v East/West TD's** (6-3)

Titties welcome back CMC and Etienne to the lineup. This is a huge benefit to the team - they are the 1st and 3rd ranked running backs in the league. The bigger issue is: Who do you start at QB if you are the Titties? Minshew v New England or Young v Chicago. I know which way I would be leaning - but it is probably a coin flip either way. On the flip side, Allen and Kamara are going to try and carry the squad to the victory. It is going to take at least one touchdown toss to Gabe Davis to keep this close - it could happen... but smart money is on the Titties for the win.

Prediction: East/West TD's

Mystery Guest: No Time for Love

Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams* (6-3) v Insert Team Name Here (4-5)

This was a real conversation that I had this morning with a student....

Student: "Tonight's game (TNF) features the two worst teams in the NFL."

Me: "You think so?"

Student: "Yeah, most definitely. Maybe you could throw the Cardinals down there, but now K1 is going to ball out - so they are probably better."

Me: "Who is K1?"

Student: "Kyler Murray, you know K and then his number. He is most known for his ability to stay on the field."

It was at that point, that I realized he was joking about Kyler Murray and that only solidified my selection of ARBL.

Prediction: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

The J-Bones** (5-4) v I Miss Tom Brady (4-5)

If this were Shark Tank and these lineups were business ideas that are pitched to me, The Sharkiest of Sharks. I Miss TB12 would start off his pitch...

"Good morning Sharks, I have a terrific business proposal for all of you. I have Geno Smith and Alexander Mattison leading the way for the squad. I also ha...."

"Excuse me, did you say Geno Smith and Alexander Mattison?"

"Yes, I did"

"For that reason, I am out."

The J-Bones proposal would go like this...

"Good morning Sharks, I have a terrific business proposal for all of you. I have Just Herbert and Tony Pollard leading the way." (a quick pause expecting something to be said) "I also have McLaurin going against a weak Seattle secondary and we are welcoming back James Conner."

"I gotta be honest Mr. Boner, can I call you Mr. Boner? I don't love it - but there is something at work here. Talk to me about your defense."

"Well, I am glad you brought that up - I have the Cowboys defense going against the New York Giants."

"Say no more, for that reason - I AM IN!"

Prediction: The J-Bones

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Handy Rudgins (3-6) v Ertz when Eifert (5-4)

I am going to work under the assumption that both teams will adjust their lineups and make sure they are full - with that assumption I love Handy Rudgins and the opportunity to get a much needed win this week. The Bengals going against Houston - which only means big things for Burrow and Chase. Gibbs (who needs put in the lineup) gets to play a terrible Chargers run defense. Honestly, I don't even mind a nice Hubbard play against Chicago - if he pis put in the lineup in time. On the flip side, there is a lot of distrust in the players for Eifert and their matchups. Shultz played very well last week - can he do it two times in a row? Jackson has been playing top notch football - but now he has the Cleveland front four, and they have been scary. Look for Rudgins to provide a full starting lineup and get the win.

Prediction: Handy Rudgins

Mystery Guest: Handy Rudgins

I Hate Chad G (4-5) v PEN15 Wrinkle* (6-3)

There are some decisions to be made on the Team Hatred side in terms of who to play and not play. Will it matter? Probably not. Prescott and Lamb get to play the NYG - and this could be a field day. We could see 60+ points from those two alone. After that, they only need 40 more points to beat the Team Hatred average weekly score. Look for Wrinkle to lock up a big win and really shoot their chances of getting into the playoffs into the high 90's.

Prediction: PEN15 Wrinkle

Mystery Guest: PEN15 Wrinkle

As always... good luck to everyone... except for you, Ankle Holster, may your entire roster turn into a body double and forget how to play football - eerily similar to the fate of Demar Hamlin.

With Love

Commish