Well, well, well - I had already written the entry below and then, what do you know, the Douches are not fully eliminated. ESPN says we have 1 percent chance to make the playoffs. Be on the look out for scenarios for each team to make the playoffs - the upcoming predictions blog will feature likely scenarios and then predictions. It might take a while to figure out how the Douches can actually make the playoffs.
Don't bother sending me offers - unless you are going rape yourself (without lube), I am probably not going to accept the trade. I like my team and I also think that some of my players would help out a team in the race and since there is no benefit for me to trade away players and get future picks (we should look into doing a dynasty league)... I will just sit in the corner and cuck my way as you guys all fight for a playoff spot.
***The post below was written before the Monday Night Football game***
***It has finally happened.... WE HAVE ELIMINATED A TEAM FROM THE RACE!! Given, it was my team.... but we held for much longer than I thought we would. The Gluten Douches squad is now locked up and can longer be apart of a trade. Which does remove some decent players from those that are desirable - although they shouldn't be that desirable if they couldn't even make the playoffs.
I get it - the Douches sucked this year. To think that a team with Davante Adams/Austin Ekeler/Trevor Lawrence with the addition of Bijan Robinson didn't make the playoffs. I am not complaining - but when those guys would be heavily sought after in the trade market does erk me a little. No worries though.... I get the chance to play spoiler, although my sh*tty ass team will probably fail at that as well.
Matchup of the Weak
The J-Bones** (6-5) v Insert Team Name Here (5-6)
This was a big win for The J-Bones... and I am not going to toot my horn - but I pretty called everything correctly in this matchup. It is ironic that I can do that, but my team still sucks and I am getting it handed to me in picks. Nonetheless, this is a needed win for The J-Bones and I can't help but think if Chubb and Williams didn't get hurt. This team still has a decent chance to make the playoffs and this win carried by Herbert and Cowboys. The Chargers are terrible, but Herbert continues to score well - proving that fantasy football and real football don't always coincide.
Prediction: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... RIGHT!!
Gluten Douches (2-9) v Ertz when Eifert (6-5)
This was a big win for Ertz when Eifert - possibly their biggest. What I mean by that.... this is the most points this team has scored... ALL. F*CKING. YEAR. Going into this matchup they were averaging 30+ less than what they scored this matchup. Given, the Douches were losing anyways - but the narrative rings true.... want a chance at the belt? Fire up some Douches and start cleaning house (see what I did there).
Prediction: Ertz when Eifert... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Ertz when Eifert... RIGHT!!
Hoosier Daddy (4-7) v No Time for Love (7-4)
No Time for Love is getting hot at the right time... and Hoosier Daddy is not. It definitely hurt that a majority of the team was on a bye week - but I am not sure there is enough fire power even when at full capacity. On the flip side, No Time for Love got a huuuuuge win in terms of the playoff push and they did it without Kamara - comfortably 20 points more than both running backs combined this week. There is a good chance that Aaron Jones is done for a couple weeks and now No Time is going to need to do something to make a push deep into the playoffs. They have the firepower... do they have the depth?
Prediction: No Time for Love... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: No Time for Love... RIGHT!!
East/West TD's** (7-4) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams* (6-5)
This was a big win for Titties... 7 wins should make the playoffs. On the flip side, ARBL has a good team and should make the playoffs, but they definitely need to lock up their 7th win before it gets too late. Luckily for them, they face two teams with a losing record and then another team that will be very close in the playoff push. Essentially, their fate is in their hands and they have a comforting schedule to finish the year.
Prediction: East/West TD's... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams... WRONG!!
I Miss TB12 (6-5) v Handy Rudgins (4-7)
The KC Gang lost last night, but TB12 got what he needed. Pacheco runs soooo hard - I really like his game. The only problem with Pacheco - he doesn't necessarily equate to a terrific fantasy football player. He is a terrific runner in an offense that wants to put the ball in their QB's hands. A win is a win and if Burrow and Chase don't score more than 20 combined.... or individually.... Handy's days are numbered!
Prediction: Handy Rudgins... WRONG!!
Mystery Guest: Handy Rudgins... WRONG!!
Ankle Holster (4-7) v I Hate Chad G (5-6)
What a matchup this became!! Team Hatred narrowly took the lead and then made the decision of all decisions.... he took out his defense. They ended up scoring positive points (Eagles - 6 points)... but you would hate to see the end of the playoff race come down to a tie-breaker and they end up losing on "Points Scored." It should also be noted that Team Hatred's bench outscored 5 other team's starters... and that is with two players on the bye.
Prediction: I Hate Chad G... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster... WRONG!!
PEN15 Wrinkle* (7-4) v Njigbas in Paris**** (8-3)
Remember when I said that this should have probably been the MotW? Well, I guess somehow decided to showcase themselves anyway. Those fancy Njigbas... the only position not scoring double digits was the defense (Cleveland had 8 points). That is some serious depth. Let's be real.... Njigbas are probably the team to beat as move closer to the playoffs - which means I may have just jinxed them. Plus, PEN15 becomes even stronger with a trade that went down unbeknownst to me and it will be processed after this week. Sam LaPorta will be joining the squad... which will be a very good replacement for Andrews. Could this be a preview to a future championship?!?
Prediction: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!!
Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris... RIGHT!!
With Love
Commish
Season: 38-39
Mystery Guest: 42-35
GD Top Drafted RB: J. Jacobs (151.6 points)
AH Top Drafted RB: B. Hall (139 points)
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