Week 9 Predictions

Last week flipped the league upside and let everyone know that no one is safe....

Of the 7 matchups...

5 were won by the underdog team.... based upon records

1 matchup was one by a team with the same record as the opponent

1 matchup was one by the favored team

The belt was one by HANDY MOTHAF*CKIN' RUDGINS!!

If last week has anything to say about this league... nobody is out of the playoff race - not even the Gluten Douches. There are still 6 weeks left and it is quite possible that a team with a losing record will make the playoffs. As it stands...

There are 5 teams that sit at 5-3.... 2nd behind East/West TD's at 6-2. Assuming all 5 teams make it.... not very likely. That is 6 teams in the playoffs and that leaves 2 spots for teams at .500 or below. That also means that 8 teams are within 3 games of each other and 13 teams are within 4 games of each other. Every year there is always a team that emerges from the bottom - looking like Handy Rudgins might be that team - and a team that falls from the top - looking like it could be one of a couple teams.

I can not wait for the race to get tighter and tighter and we start to eliminate teams from the race (even though it is most likely to be my team that is dropped out of the race).

Matchup of the Week

East/West TD's** (6-2) v Njigbas in Paris** (5-3)

This is the matchup of all matchups. The Paul v Mayweather. The McGregor v Khabib. The Primary v Secondary. This is the top 2 teams, leaders in each division, in points scored. The winner of this matchup will have bragging rights (for at least the next week)...

QB: Young v Taguvioauslkdauoiudlaskldi

Edge: Tagosudadlfabfaoweisdla

Reasoning: Young is going to be good.... the key word is "going." Carolina has mediocre weapons - but they are still not the juggernaut offense that Miami has and the weapons they have. Things would have been much different if Cousins didn't tear his achilles - but the edge would still go to Tua.

RB: Dillon/Dowdle v White/Robinson

Edge: White/Robinson

Reasoning: Remember when this matchup was billed as the cream of the crop? Yeah, not so much. We are getting the Junior Varsity Team from Titties... which is a huge benefit to Njigbas. This is the area that Titties would normally excel in... instead CMC and Etienne are on the bye. Which means that White and Robinson somehow get the edge - which is not by much over the backups for Titties.

WR: Hollywood/Puka v Hill/Allen

Edge: Hill/Allen

Reasoning: Do you really need a reasoning for this?

TE: Waller v Goedert

Edge: Goedert

Reasoning: Well, normally I give Waller the edge because Goedert plays against Dallas.... however, I am not sure what the Giants are doing at QB. This means at the moment - I don't even know who is commanding the offense for New York. Goedert should still be in line for a decent game - should get some dump down looks with the pressure put on the QB by Dallas defense.

FLEX: Johnson v Collins

Edge: Collins

Reasoning: See the TE battle... no clue who is playing QB for Pittsburgh and they have a shortened week to prepare for it. Truthfully, even if Pickett was playing - I would not trust Johnson. It is unbelievable how good this Pitt defense is and how much of a waste this offense is. Brutal

DEF/K: Ravens/Younghoe v Browns/Grupe

Edge: Browns/Grupe

Reasoning: As much as I love Young Hoes.... the Browns are playing Arizona. Not only would that be a good match, but the icing on top of the cake is the fact that Arizona traded their starting QB - which means they will be playing your long lost cousin at QB against Myles Garrett... and he almost killed a guy... on the football field.

Prediction: Njigbas in Paris

Mystery Guest: Njigbas in Paris

Gluten Douches (1-7) v PEN15 Wrinkle (5-3)

The Douches won last week and they are looking to build on that win - especially against a team who supposedly got screwed in the draft.... WHEN HE AUTODRAFTED!! This mothaf*cka accused everyone and their mother of screwing them over when he didn't even have the nerve to hop online and draft his own d*mn team. He said, "I was being present with my family." Screw that bullsh*t. Don't bring your sappy, dappy - getting poon three times a week - life story in my house. You will suffer with the rest of us as we disregard our families for the 3/4 days a week and watch football. For that reason and that reason alone - I will be riding with the Douches for lyfe.

Prediction: Gluten Douches

Mystery Guest: Gluten Douches

Hoosier Daddy (3-5) v I Hate Chad G (4-4)

I am very interested to see where this Will Levis train goes... man looked great last week. It also helped that D-Hop decided to have 4 catches and turn 3 of those into touchdowns. I think he could live up to the hype - but I also think, he is going to have rough games. Games where he will face an elite defense that loves to get after the quarterback and put pressure in his grill. Game where he will face free-flowing safeties that will watch his eyes and he will be forced to make some bad decisions. Games like this week. Pittsburgh is going to turn-up the heat on Levis... and it could get ugly.

Prediction: I Hate Chad G

Mystery Guest: I Hate Chad G

Insert Team Name Here (3-5) v No Time for Love (5-3)

I am just going to be completely up front - the options for Team Name at QB are thin.....

Kenny Pickett - but I seriously doubt he will be ready to go, and if he does - who knows how long he will last

Zach Wilson - puke in the mouth

Danny Dimes - Surely, NYG is not going to trot out the suburban dad again

Taylor Heinicke - THIS WOULD BE MY CHOICE - WHICH IS VERY SAD 

Mac Jones - He could barely keep the job - and not many people could have named his backup

Jaren Hall/Tyson Bagent/PJ Walker/Aiden O'Connell/Clayton Tune - All backups and only playing due to injury

Until this problem is fixed - I gotta go with No Time for Love.

Prediction: No Time for Love

Mystery Guest: Insert Team Name Here

I Miss Tom Brady (4-4) v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams* (5-3)

Jalen Hurts faces Dallas Defense.

Patrick Mahomes faces Miami Defense.

I am not normally a one-issue voter, or a voter in general, but this is it. Sometimes it really is just that simple.

Prediction: I Miss Tom Brady

Mystery Guest: Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams

It Ertz when Eifert (4-4) v The J-Bones** (5-3)

This going to be a little against the grain here - but I really do like some of the matchups that Ertz/Eifert have in their lineup. I think that Jackson is going have a field day with the Seattle defense - which has proven to be very underwhelming. I truly do not trust anything out of Tampa Bay these days - which is a good sign for Pierce and Shultz. One of the biggest bonuses I see is Pittsburgh defense going against Tennessee on a shortened week. Typically, the Pittsburgh defense performs very well on shortened weeks - they have only one loss since 2006 and you can only guess that the defense is going to want to keep it that way.

Prediction: It Ertz when Eifert

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones

Ankle Holster (3-5) v Handy Rudgins* (3-5)

The signs...

This morning I had breakfast with 72 junior high students...

Signs...

Josh Jacobs changed his number to 8 this year...

Signs, Signs...

72/8 = 9.... Ja'Marr Chase is projected for 9 catches this week...

Signs, Signs...

Joe Burrow is number 9...

Signs - everywhere

Number 9 - everywhere....

Demar Hamlin went down at 9:09...

Number 9 - everywhere....

Handy Rudgins wins by 9....

It was always the signs....

Prediction: Handy Rudgins

Mystery Guest: Ankle Holster

As always... good luck to everyone... except for you, PEN15 Wrinkle, may your entire roster turn into a body double and forget how to play football eerily similar to the fate of Demar Hamlin.

With Love 

Commish