We got people dressing up like animals and banging in bathrooms.
We got kids that can't even make their own sentences and use AI for everything.
We got whatever the f*ck a Labubu is.
We got people who can't take out an airpod or take off their headphones when they are talking to me.
And we got nothing beating a Jet2 Holiday....
I mean surely I am not the only one thinking this. I am educated and have decent people skills - surely if I really wanted to I could become some high powered position. So why not? Really, why not?
Well, because the same reason that people like to watch trash television shows. You feel good about yourself. If I am ever feeling down, I just walk the halls take a couple looks around and then I just feel better about myself. I know that my kids will have very little competition for jobs - because hey, as long they can listen with both ears and they don't wear a monkey tail, they are better than half the competition.
You know what else I currently have no competition in?
Matchup of the WeekBEKH (2-3) v ARBL (2-3)
This is a fantastic battle of the abbreviation names... Barely Even Know Her v Aaron Rodgers Blows Llams. Let me tell you, being 3-3 looks a lot better than being 2-4.... like playoff race better. If you lose this matchup... you are looking at being left out come playoff time. Typically, you need to get 8 wins to squeak into the playoffs - dropping to 2-4 would be very detrimental. At this point, BEKH looks like the much stronger team - Daniels (when healthy) can be effective as a fantasy QB because of his scrambling ability, Achane is a focal point for Miami's offense with Hill going down, and Egbuka (don't listen to Gronk try to say his name) is a breakout candidate for ROTY. Things are looking up for BEKH - but this week will be a big swing for the season for both of these teams.
Prediction: BEKH
Mystery Guest: BEKH... "2 bad teams... Hope somebody wins, but will probably end in a tie"
Bootay Pirates (1-4) v Nips and Salsa (5-0)
You can call it what you want, but this should be a good 'ole fashion ass kicking. Now, Bootay Pirates presents arguably one the best lineups of any 1-4 teams out there. However, there are some ESPN projections that I am very hesitant on... Rachaad White is projected for 17 points - we are aware that is more than James Cook is being projected? Calvin Ridley is being projected for nearly 12 points - he has only scored more than 10 points once this season. Justin Herbert is projected 20 points and only broke the 20 point barrier once and never in the US. Essentially, what I am saying - ESPN is a little off on what should be expected this week and the separation is much bigger than what is being projected.
Prediction: Nips and Salsa
Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates... "By a smidge, big upset this week"
Project Tush Push (2-3) v The J-Bones* (3-2)
It is wild to think that The J-Bones just casually has Jordan Love sitting on the bench to replace CJ Stroud for a bye week (honestly, I could not tell you who the real starter is). The bigger issue is going to be replacing Nico Collins. There is going to need to be some things going right for The J-Bones to get a win this week... but at the same time, things have not been going the best for Tush Push. Luckily for TP, Jeanty gets to run against Tennessee and Packers defense gets Cincy horrific offense. Gun to my head, Tush Push presents a lot more consistency throughout the starting lineup... could be a close one.
Prediction: Project Tush Push
Mystery Guest: Project Tush Push... "Not even close, JBones win streak ends at 3"
Ertz/Eifert (4-1) v AR's Finger* (2-3)
Baker Mayfield is probably one of the biggest surprises at QB this season... mainly because Tampa has no problem putting the ball in his hands as much as possible. Mayfield has weapons to use, especially the breakout rookie Egbuka. The receiving core in ARSB and Pickens is terrific combo and present some serious firepower. On the flip side, AR has a few boom or bust players as well. Jameson Williams is someone who has really yet to take-off - the issue is the number of mouths to feed for Detroit. However, he does present a boom week at any given time. On top of that, Javonte Williams is a huge surprise and probably the biggest surprise of the season. He is currently the number 3 running back in fantasy and is averaging 20 points a week. This will be closer that what the records show, but the edge goes to Ertz/Eifert.
Prediction: Ertz/Eifert
Mystery Guest: Ertz/Eifert... "Not close, how is this team winning? Inquiring mind want to know"
1st Downs Syndrome (3-2) v 2AP (2-3)
When completely healthy, Downs Syndrome is a tough, tough team to beat. However, they are not fully healthy - Buck Buck is probably going to be out this week, Mike Evans is out, Ricky Pearsall is probably out if not hampered. These are 3 players that would be starters. On the flip side, Josh Allen is the best football player in the world. Chase and Waddle are extremely good at catching the ball... the issue is the offense they are in. 2AP also is one of the offenses that rock a double TE... both LaPorta and Warren are inside the top 10 and are big redzone targets. However, Drake Maye and TreVeyon Henderson match up against the New Orleans Saint defense - who on average give up 30 points a game.
Prediction: 1st Downs Syndrome
Mystery Guest: 2AP... "Good Matchup, it's a squeaker but Coach gets two important victories this weekend"
Indiana Jones (1-4) v Cleveland Streamers* (2-3)
It is wild that Cleveland Streamers won the belt? Yes. Is it wild that they are heavily reliant upon 2 Minny Vikings players - the horrible Minnesota Vikings offense. And now they are on bye and we are back to a truly struggling fantasy lineup. We are looking at a lineup that has Kendre Miller and Michael Carter as the starting running backs. When it truly comes down to it, Indiana Jones looks like the much deeper and stronger lineup this week - which is good, because they really need a win. If Indiana Jones drops to 1-5, it is almost a wrap on the season.... but 2-4 is much better, not great - but much better.
Prediction: Indiana Jones
Mystery Guest: Indiana Jones... "Who knew Daniel Jones would be comeback player of the year. Stomps the Streamers"
Cocaine Cowboys (4-1) v Slender TDs** (2-3)
This is really the MotW if we didn't have a crucial battle between two 2-3 teams. We have one of the best teams against the top scoring team. Lineup wise this should be close, but if you look closer at the matchups - one team has a slight edge. Slender has much more forgiving matchups...
Both QB's battle each other in shootout waiting to happen, the difference - the Chiefs are much more reliant on Mahomes than the Lions on Goff.
Both RB1's have good matchups, Bijan against a porous Buffalo run defense and King Henry against a Rams defense... both should have good weeks.
RB2 is where the difference begins to really show up - Kamara against a tough New England defense and Breece against a Denver defense much more focused on stopping the pass.
WR1 is a big difference maker as well, with Puka getting a terrible Baltimore defense and DK going against one of the best defenses in the league (Cleveland).
Then you have a Mcbride (TE) against MHJ (WR), both going against Indy... the game script should equate to passing... good for both, but Zona is making a conscious effort to get MHJ the ball more often.
Look for Slender to edge this one out and get a huge division win.
Prediction: Slender TD's
Mystery Guest: Slender TD's... "Big upset this weekend, easy win for Slender"
As always, good luck to everyone - except for you Bootay Pirates - may your entire lineup be stuck in a never ending loop of teaching a blind kid how to ride a bike.
With Love
Commish
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