Week 9 Predictions

We are now hitting the beginning stages of stretching out the league and placing them into their lanes for the final playoff push. We are not fully there... but we are loading the gates. I am not going to lie to you... instantly my brain thought of analogy of a woman dilating during birth and I was going to go into graphic detail for you. Maybe even through up some diagrams, put together an interactive presentation that allows to be like the Magic School Bus and fly into the cave of wonders. Then, for some reason - some feeling I have never felt before - a filter kicked it and said, "Nah, don't do that."

Is this what all of you responsible people feel like every day? I am going to be honest, this sucks. I would much rather just continue saying what I want, when I want. Filters are for pussies. 

Cigarettes? I light the filter side and smoke out of the back. 

Vacuums? Remove filter and you suck up anything roughly 3-7 inches.

Face masks? Just ask 2AP what our opinions on face masks are.

I might even start a new movement - the anti-filter group. However, I would be clever and make two words, but I would switch the first letter of each word that way it would be like a joke. You know something similar to "Joe Blob" or "Pobody's Nerfect." I would call my movement, "Fuck Filters."

See, hard to read with the first letters switched.

Matchup of the Week
Ertz/Eifert* (6-2) v The J-Bones (5-3)

The J-Bones are quickly becoming the team to beat in this league and major part of that is Johnathan Taylor. The even crazier part, Omarion Hampton is on the IR and will probably return around playoff time - which only makes this team stronger. However, Ertz/Eifert has ARSB that returns to the lineup. So the real question is: Who do you put your money on? Johnathan Taylor or Amon-Ra St. Brown. I would bet the house on Taylor. But this week, is not my choice. This week I will be leaving it to Mr. Washington....

Head will always be the home team on ESPN and tails will be the visiting team.

Looks like I am rocking with Ertz/Eifert!

Prediction: Ertz/Eifert

Mystery Guest: The J-Bones... "Good match up, more fire power"

AR's Finger* (2-6) v Nips and Salsa (6-2)

There is no hiding it, the Nips and Salsa have put together a juggernaut of a team. Now, if the players can return from health and actually perform the way they are expected to - this is the scariest team out there. Here is what their starting lineup will look like after this week (Barkley comes back from the bye)

Lamar Jackson - 2nd QB drafted

Jahmyr Gibbs - 3rd RB drafted

Saquon Barkley - 2nd RB drafted

Smith-Njigba - 2nd current scoring WR

Cooper Kupp - Only weak spot in the lineup

Brock Bowers - 1st drafted TE

Kyren Williams - 13th ranked RB

Buccaneers DEF - 4th ranked DEF

Who cares about kicking?

Stupid good and you know what.... ARBL has won 3 out of the last 4 matchups and since AR's Finger traded Brock Bowers - he hasn't played a snap of football. Is the wait going to be worth it? Who knows, but this week I am taking....

Nips and Salsa!

Prediction: Nips and Salsa

Mystery Guest: Nips... "Will he lose the rest of the year? Me's don't think so"

Cleveland Streamers* (3-5) v Bootay Pirates (3-5)

This is a crucial week for both of these teams. In the most recent past 5 years of the league only one team has made the playoffs with 8 losses. Which means that you pretty much need to finish 7-7 to get into the playoffs. Trust me when I say this, you don't want to pick up your 6th loss this week and have to close with near perfection to get into the playoffs. In fact, teams with 6 losses currently are given an average of 13% to make the playoffs. CeeDee coming back gives this team a little more depth, but Streamers holds more firepower in the pass catching department. Honestly, I am okay with either or when it comes to the coinflip - this could be a good matchup!

It looks like it is Bootay Pirates!

Prediction: Bootay Pirates

Mystery Guest: Bootay Pirates... "This team is on a roll. LET'S GO!!"

Slender TD's** (2-6) v 1st Downs Syndrome (4-4)

There truly is nothing better than welcoming back the 1st half MVP to your starting lineup. Puka gets a beautiful welcome back gift, New Orleans Saints. He should have a huge week and will need to for Slender TD's to correct the ship and start moving in the right direction. On the flip side, Downs Syndrome is just hoping that CMC is back to normal and doesn't completely start sucking week-in and week-out. I like my chance with 1st Downs Syndrome, but I would not be upset should the coin select otherwise...

1st Downs Syndrome it is...

Prediction: 1st Downs Syndrome

Mystery Guest: 1st Downs Syndrome... "Easy win for the big fella"

BEKH (4-4) v Project Tush Push (5-3)

For Tush Push, losing Skattebo was a big loss - but that does mean that Singletary gets a little bit of boost. Is it worth the trade-off? Definitely not. It also doesn't help that Achane is on the other side and he is one of the big 3 RB's in the league. Achane is averaging 20 points per week and it is not like Baltimore's defense has done much to stop any type of offense this season. The bigger question is who else is going to step it up for BEKH? Jake Ferguson? Maybe, he is the number 1 TE.... but we all know he really isn't and the actual number 1 TE is on the other side... Tucker Kraft. Anyways, this is where my heart lies...

Looks like I am rocking with BEKH...

Prediction: BEKH

Mystery Guest: Project Tush Push... "Tough match up, going to be close"

Indiana Jones* (3-5) v ARBL (4-4)

Both of these teams have been very active on the trade markets... between both teams there are 4 players that were drafted (not including defense or kickers). Moves were made and now these teams are fighting for their lives. Some think it is admirable, some think it is stupid... one thing is for sure - they are both at least trying to win. That is the only requirement in this league.... effort to win with your team. Some may view your moves as a bad move or a bad trade... but as long as you are genuinely trying to win with your team, that is all that is asked! On to the coin flip....

Although, that coin flip may have been more like a certain banquet reader - I will stay true to the flip...

Prediction: Indiana Jones

Mystery Guest: Indiana Jones... "Who's going to lose with Daniel Jones?"

AP #2 aka Cocaine Cowboys (6-2) v #2 AP (3-5)

I am just going to say it... the name change is intriguing. Not only do these teams now have similar names, but they are also the only two teams that rock a double TE lineup. Yup, that is all I got. Full transparency, I was just picking my teeth with a tooth flosser and popped out a filling. On top of that, about a year ago my wife flipped out on our dentist (at the time) and told them to remove us from their books forever - so now we don't have a dentist. Fun times going to my mind right now, good thing it all comes down to the coin flip!

Looks like it is #2 AP for the flip!

Prediction: #2 AP

Mystery Guest: AP 2.... "Coach's only win this weekend comes on Friday night"

As always, good luck to everyone - except for you AR's Finger - may your entire lineup be stuck in a never ending loop of teaching a blind kid how to ride a bike.

With Love

Commish