"My team is the best team in this league!"
"How can you possibly beat this team? I am going to go 13-3, easily!"
Those are a few quotes from the commissioner and the manager of the only team that is now 1-4 in the league. Clearly, Juan Fatt Bidge is not going to finish 13-3. Clearly, they are not the best team in the league...
Or are they??
Yes, they are 1-4 and yes they are in sole possession of last place. However, they have the highest points against (625 points). They have the 3rd most points scored and are only 5 points away from second place in that category. They are also one of two teams to break 120 points in 3 of the 5 weeks - breaking 130 twice and only failing to reach 100 once. The other team just lost OBJ for the season.
But enough about Juan Fatt Bidge - they are not even the Team of the Week. Starting this week, we will highlight a Team of the Week. Don't worry, everybody will get their turn! This week we have....
Team of the Week - Dakster's Lab
Dakster has somehow managed to get 4-1 - the only team with that record. The most amazing thing about his record is that he still have more "points against" than he does "points for." To say that Dak has somehow found ways to win, even defeat looked so promising, is an understatement.
Let's look at the line-up....
QB - As in the name, Dak Prescott is the leader of this team. He is consistent and with all the attention on Elliott coming into this year, Dak has quietly been the go-to guy for the Cowboys. He has posted 3 straight weeks over 20 points scored and has never posted less than 15 points. Consistency is the key to fantasy football and he is the definition of consistent.
RB's - Jordan Howard and Lamar Miller. If Dak is the leader - these two are the foundation. In a 14 team league, it is incredibly difficult to get two good running backs you can rely on every week. Both these running backs are the starters - and neither team is really known for a running back by committee. These two will get touches and that is the reason why they are ranked 13 and 12 in all running backs.
WR's - Davante Adams and Danny Amendola. Sooooo, I guess we don't really care about our player's health? I guess Adams can be hospitalized during the week leading up to the game - which he took a nasty hit - and then come out and go get himself 2 touchdowns. Shouldn't someone have said, hey Davante if you want to walk when you are 40, maybe let your head stop rattling from the hit you took last week!
TE - Kyle Rudolph. It is unfortunate for whatever poor sap Dakster played this week that Rudolph actually decided to show-up. Rudolph had failed to break 9 points the previous three weeks and then all of the sudden he goes out scores 16 points. Yes, the outlook is much better for Rudolph now that Dalvin Cook is injured and Vikings might have the throw the ball more - but there are too many options on that offense and Rudolph will get lost more often than not.
Flex - Currently Chris Thompson. Thompson has somehow become the big playmaker for the Redskins. He is more of a receiving back and he has made big plays when the ball is in his hands. My only question: do you want to rely on a "big play or bust" player?
Bench - Sammy Watkins, Desean Jackson, Sterling Shepard, Marquis Lee, Jeremy Maclin, Austin Ekeler. Dakster's bench is scattered with receivers who have the potential to make big plays. Most of them are all inconsistent, but would make for decent bye week fillers. Surprisingly, Sterling Shepard looks very promising - after all the injuries to the Giants receiving corps. he could be the #1 target for Eli Manning. And let's be honest, the Giants are going to be losing a lot and be forced to throw the ball.
So here's to you, Dakster's Lab - you dirty, little 4-1 son of a b**ch, here's to you!
Now to the results....
Certified "G" 81.4 (2-3)
Waco Kids 109.5 (3-2)
It looks like Certified "G" is back to his week 1 ways. He managed to scored the 2nd lowest points this week - but hey, he did it all while starting Rob Gronkowski!
Waco Kids should be happy he played Certified this week - because his stud did not show up this week. Gurley had by far his worst week of the season, scoring only 5 points. Before this week, he had failed score less than 20 points. I would call this more of a fluke week - or a Seattle Defense week. Also, I don't want to sound like a broken record - but you gotta do something about those receivers! The past two weeks Waco has not broken 10 points from his receivers.... combined! At least, you can rely on the www steady rocks at tight end - Kelce and Witten.
Certified - if you ever start a player that is ruled out before his game time match-up again - I promise I will never type another word about your team. Your team will cease to exist.
Predict-shun: Waco Kids by 15 points... RIGHT!!
I Miss Tyler 122.8 (2-3)
Aaron Rodgers is GAY 86.8 (2-3)
Well, well, look who finally showed up to participate in the league. Welcome I Miss Tyler - your son has done a great job!
I Miss Tyler has scored the most points in the past 2 weeks. The team is looking stronger and stronger as the season progresses. Elliott is beginning to get back to last year's form and Wentz is looking like the up and coming breakthrough quarterback that everybody thought he would be. If the Bengal offense can continue to move the ball and not look stagnant like the first two week then A.J. Green will be the man in Cincy. With all that said, Aaron Jones gets my star for this week. What a savvy move to play him at the flex - will you go with him again once Montgomery is healthy?
What is there to say about ARIG that I haven't already said? You gotta do something about those running backs. Especially, now that Marlon Mack is looking more and more like he could steal the lead back position in Indianapolis (here's hoping). The one thing that does amaze me - how is Crabtree the number one receiver in Oakland? How did he manage to score 20 points with a quarterback that not even the Jets wanted? Wow, I am blown away. Despite the performance from Crab Apple....
Predict-shun: I Miss Tyler wins by 22 points... RIGHT!!!
John Robles 131.1 (2-3)
Sergio Dippsh*ts 110.2 (2-3)
Hey, would you look at that? I was completely.... WRONG... about this matchup! Remember last week when I said this would be a defensive battle and that no team would break 100 points? Remember last week when I said that the receivers on these teams we terrible and wouldn't start for any team?
Too be fair, Sergio did chance both his receivers after I made that prediction and the players he had started did score 6.5 points combined. So I was not wrong with his receivers. However, John Robles' side of things is a little different. I guess Devin Funchess does like the physicality of his route running. See, Ms. Rodrigue, I can ask that question to - and actually as wrote that sentence out I chuckled to myself thinking about women trying to play sports! Don't expect me to wear a Rosie the Riveteer pin to work the next day!
The biggest play of this matchup would be Ed Dickinson. Never, in a million years, would I have thought to play Funchess and Dickinson at the same time. Aren't the Panthers supposed to be a run team? Guess not any more!
Predict-shun: John Robles wins by 8 points... RIGHT!!!
Sagging TD's 100.2 (3-2)
BringBack Harbs 119.7 (3-2)
Well....
Rodgers over Stafford - I was right.
McCaffrey scored more than the other running backs - I was right.
McCaffrey and Sims scored more than Stewart and Lynch - I was right.
Diggs leads all receivers - incredibly wrong. I am not sure I could have been much more wrong.
Brown and Diggs beat Cooks and Benjamin - wrong. I am not sure, how this is the one that I got wrong. Brown was a stud this week and if only Diggs didn't play the entire game blindfolded Sagging TD's would have been fine.
Ertz clearly outperformed Bennett. This is probably where I lost this prediction. Thanks a whole lot Bennett.
Predict-shun: Sagging TD's wins by 26... WRONG!!
Team Price is a Dick 104.5 (3-2)
The J-Bones 75.7 (3-2)
Okay, so I am not going to go on a rant about this matchup and how bad The J-Bones were this week. I mean it was a bad bye week for The J-Bones - way to win this one TPIAD!! What I would like to talk about/show you is another Tyreek Hill highlight...
Yes, folks - the man did it again! If I could give out extra points for this move I would make it worth at least an extra touchdown. It is just so funny to see someone who makes other professional athletes look soooooo slow.
Nonetheless, this was not a good week fantasy wise for The J-Bones. My how the mighty have fallen...
Predict-shun: TPIAD wins by wins by 12 points... RIGHT!!!
Mizuno Blue 97.7 (3-2)
Hoosier Daddy 132.5 (2-3)
Well, in the battle of the bye week quarterbacks Brissett wins! Hooray Colts, they have the best bye week quarterback!
I think the bigger question is what happened to Carlos Hyde? He was the lead running back on a team facing Indianapolis - he should been a top 5 play for sure! Luckily, the rumor on the street is Hyde will playing for a different fantasy team starting next week.
As I stated earlier, Hopkins wins the receivers department all by himself. Actually, all of Hoosier Daddy's receivers played extremely well. Also, let us not forget that Hoosier Daddy has Emmanuel Sanders on the bench - which would be a fantastic replacement for OBJ. Hoosier Daddy is looking like he could be the team to beat, if lady luck will let him in the playoffs.
He also has a good backup tight-end - Cameron Brate. I mean you create a hole in his lineup and he has a patch to cover it up.
On the flip side, Mizuno Blue has managed to fill his holes, both fantasy and personally. I don't even know what that means. Landry and White have proven to be very good pickups. And I hate to admit this, but that Jets Tight End (I refuse to type his name) had a decent game. Oh wait, no he didn't - he got lucky with a touchdown catch! He had 6 catches (good for PPR), but he only had 29 yards. Crazy. Touchdown or bust - and this week it was touchdown!
Predict-shun: Hoosier Daddy wins by 7 points... RIGHT!!
Matchup of the Week
Juan Fatt Bidge 130.9 (1-4)
Dakster's Lab 144.6 (4-1)
A text I received from a different team earlier this season....
"f*cking love putting up 130 in a loss"
I feel your pain buddy, I feel your pain.
I have nothing to say about Juan Fatt Bidge. All of the players are at home with their families and trying to decide what is best for their careers. Should they continue down this path of failure? Should they call it quits and stay with their families? Or should they pull their boot straps up and figure how to play this d*mn game!?!
For Dakster, through the first 4 weeks they averaged 88.9 points. This week they scored 144.6. That isa difference of.... carry the one... 55.7 points. Are you serious? Sure, it was an incredibly consistent week for his entire team. Only one player not scoring 10 or more points - and it was probably one of his better players (J. Howard).
I don't know if you call it luck, call it playing to the other team's level, or call fantasy football - but Dakster's Lab continually finds a way to win his match-ups. Sure, if JFB would have started the Jags defense JFB would have won. But, that was not the right move - how can you justify starting a defense against the Steelers in Pitt? You can't. It was just Dakster's Lab's week.
I hope Davante Adams is hospitalized again. Too far? Maybe, but this past week he was hospitalized and then we went out and had his best game this season. So, maybe instead of wishing him ill I was actually wishing him a good next week?
Predict-shun: Juan Fatt Bidge wins by 22 points... WRONG!!!
This Week: 5-2
Season: 19-16
Competitor: 3-4
Competitor Season: 15-20
This is where I politely ask my competitor if he would like to bow out - because I am about to pull a Tyreek Hill.....
(I am Tyreek and you are everybody else)
Mwah
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