Week 5 Predict-shuns

You ever have those weeks when your job just completely gets in the way of everything? I mean sometimes it is unreal. Like seriously, don't my students understand that I just want to look at my fantasy football and Youtube videos in peace? Is that unreasonable for them to teach themselves? Students these days, my goodness, all they want is more and more from me. Listen, I have given all I can the first 7 weeks - you are going to have to take over sometime. 

Okay, so I really hope you know that I completely kidding about that last part. Yes, students can be very demanding - but I knew what I was getting into. After all, my job is to teach and I will not get too "fussy" about that. However.....

We have all voluntarily signed up for Fantasy Football. We all should be actively checking-in. I know we all have lives and other things to do - trust me I have two kids at home. It does not matter! I should not have to tell you that I sent you a trade multiple times. I should only have to tell you once and then you check it. You don't like it - fine, but then it is your duty to send at least one counter. Once that happens we can both either realize a trade is not happening and we are too far apart or we get closer and closer to a trade. 

I guess what I am really saying - I AM LOOKING TO MAKE A TRADE!! HEY EVERYBODY OUT THERE IN MY LEAGUE, I WANT TO MAKE A TRADE!! DO YOU HEAR ME OUT THERE?!? I AM OPEN FOR TRADES!!

Sometimes I wonder if my league has frozen me out. In years past I have been the most active manager on the trading block. However, this season I have made one trade and it was pre-draft. It is incredibly frustrating. I have literally offered half my starting lineup for essentially one player - and don't tell me my lineup sucks because I have the 3rd highest points scored in our league. Anyways, on to what you really came here for....

Certified "G" (2-2) v Waco Kids (2-2)

What a good match-up!?! I don't even mean that sarcastically. We can call this the established running backs (Waco Kids) against rookie running backs (Certified "G"). We will get to see if the rookies are able to score as many points as the bonafide studs.

I also like the matchup between Nelson and Cobb. Which one will Rodgers throw to more? My guess (as well nearly all of America) is Nelson. However, it only takes one big touchdown catch to counter balance all the targets. Also, let the matchup between Gronk vs Kelce and Witten. This is essentially a battle between the top tight ends, excluding Delanie Walker of course ;). 

Seriously, this is going to be an interesting battle and I look forward to watching it...

Predict-shun: Waco Kids wins by 15 - thanks to the running backs!

I Miss Tyler (1-3) v Aaron Rodgers is GAY (2-2)

This is also a fun matchup. One team had a great start to the season and has come back down to earth (ARIG) and the other just exploded on to the scene last week (Miss Tyler). Both these teams have scored less than 80 points and scored nearly 130 in a given week. Personally, I think this matchup is not really close.

Wentz is better than Taylor - however, Wentz is playing Arizona - so essentially it is even. 

Green and Allen are essentially even with Jeffery and Evans. In fact, both teams have a stud, Green or Evans, and I would actually say that Allen is much better than Jeffery. It is funny that Wentz is on one team and Jeffery is on the other.

Neither tight end is work talking about. 

Both the Flex players have a chance to have big weeks or complete duds of a week. That is the type of player they both are - Crabtree is a little more consistent, but not without Carr at quarterback.

I purposely skipped the running backs. This is where the advantage is clear cut. Elliott and Powell are unquestionably the stronger duo over Gore and Gillislee. Miss Tyler could win this matchup solely because of this advantage. Don't call it a streak, bbbbuuuutttt......

Predict-shun: I Miss Tyler wins by 22... thank you Elliott and Powell!

John Robles (1-3) v Sergio Dippsh*ts (2-2)

Sergio Dipp is done having... the... time... of his... life. The Dalvin Cook injury has really hurt his team and any advantage that he used to have. 

I will just say this, if Brady continues down his war path of putting up ridiculous numbers John Robles team looks decent. 

I will also this - this matchup will have the lowest combine score of all the match-ups. Mark it down. Neither team will break 100 points and will struggle to get to the 90s. I just can't get on board with either of these team's receivers. I mean really, I can honestly say that a lot of these guys would not start on many teams in this league. 

There are sometimes you look at a matchup and you are intrigued. The only thing about this matchup is how bad both teams look. Someone please tell me I am wrong?

Predict-shun: John Robles wins by 8... in a closely fought defensive battle!!

Sagging TD's (3-1) v BringBack Harbs (2-2)

It is odd to look at this matchup and see two guys on bye - but that is my fault for writing this on a Wednesday. However, in looking at BringBack Harb's team - I think it shouldn't matter.

Rodgers over Wilson. Done. Nothing else needs said.

Ironically (I have been ragging on Sagging TD's running backs all year), this is the one team that may make Sagging TD's running backs look decent. Obviously Sims is terrible. He might touch the field, unless there are two freak injuries to the TWO running backs ahead of him. But, I would take McCaffrey over both Stewart and Lynch.

Brown and Diggs over Cooks and WHO CARES!! We do know we are talking about Antonio Brown, right?!? This is the number 1 receiver in draft and the number 3 player picked overall, and for good reason. Let us not forget Diggs, who is going against Chicago and his team no longer has a lead running back and could be throwing a lot. My money, Diggs outperforms all other wide receivers in this matchup - just saying!!!!

Ertz is probably a little better than Bennett. But I do think that a nice Rodgers to Bennett touchdown will be happening this week. Hate to say it, but this is not really that close.....

Predict-shun: Sagging TD's wins by 26..... Diggs leads all scorers in this matchup

Team Price is a DICK (2-2) v The J-Bones (3-1)

Looking at the records you would think The J-Bones have the advantage. Nah, baby, Nah. With the loss of Montgomery to injury and Freeman to the bye week - J-Bones might struggle this week.

TPIAD is going to be feeling good about this win. Especially, while still starting Riddick - hey, at least it isn't Charles Sims!! Bell is a stud. But, Cook at tight end might bad enough to counter balance that. Without Carr, the Raiders offense as a whole will struggle mightily. I also wonder how long "Long Tooth" Fitzy can keep this up. I mean how is he going to make the 4:00 backgammon game at his nursing home with this 1:00 game time?

Nonetheless, unless Hill goes "gangsta" on some defenders this one is going to slip away from The J-Bones. But, I won't count them out - Hill is the man and I would nothing more than to see another clip of him flashing that peace sign.

By the way, I really (like really badly) wanted to put that video back in here - but I resisted....

Predict-shun: Team Price is a DICK wins by 12.... unfortunate bye week struggle for The J-Bones

Mizuno Blue (3-1) v Hoosier Daddy (1-3)

This was a top contender for the matchup of the week. You have Mizuno Blue sitting at 3-1 and Hoosier Daddy who has scored the 2nd most points in the league. A good matchup, a damn good matchup.

I think I just get a little lost on the whole Kizer starting at quarterback - but I get it Matt Ryan is on a bye. Hey, look at that - Brissett is starting, because Cousins is on a bye week. Oh how nice that worked out for both of you!!

Running back wise - this comes down to Hyde v Hunt. Which four letter, h-word is better? My choice is Hash - but if you are asking me about the running backs I will pick Hyde. Purely, and I mean purely, because Hyde is facing Indianapolis and I am fairly positive I could run for a 100 yards against that defense.

In the receiver department, I think Hopkins wins this department by himself. He also may get more targets than the other three combined.

I would also like to point out that I have made fun of both the starting tight ends. I guess it is a battle of the "slim pickins"

Predict-shun: Hoosier Daddy wins by 7... maybe because Clay is actually better the tight end Mizuno Blue picked off the waiver wire with his eyes closed

Matchup of the Week

Juan Fatt Bidge (1-3) v Dakster's Lab (3-1)

Sooooooo, to be honest - this is the matchup of the week for a couple reasons...

A) One team is 3-1 and the other has the 3rd most points scored in the league

B) I disrespected Dakster's Lab by mentioning last week that the last two undefeated teams lost and I did not count his team. Here you go little buddy - you are now in the Matchup of the Week.

Yes, Dakster's Lab was undefeated up until last week. Yes, there were three total and he lost. Yes, he is 3-1. Yes, his average week scores are 89 (him) to 99 (opponent). Yes, his team is........ WAIT, WWWHHHAAATTTTT TTTHEEEE FFFFUUUUU******KKKKKK???!?!?!?!?

Yes, Dakster is 3-1 and has an average week score of losing by 10 points. Fantasy Football is absurd.  

In the actual matchup, I do not think it is close at all. Newton is looking to keep that streak of "swagger" games going. McCoy talked a bunch of smack to the media and now he has to back it up. Hilton is playing the 49ers and will finally get some space to score a touchdown or two. Walker is going to vault himself into the top three 3 tight ends this week. How can forget that kicker? Robbie "Good as" Gould.

Dak is good. Good enough to name your team after. He gets so much time behind that offensive line and has weapons he can get the ball to. Howard and Miller are decent, however - I think the Texans may run the ball more with Watson than Miller this week. I am hoping Cohen plays like he did in week 1 and the Bears forget about Howard on the sideline - maybe he gets lost or something? I would definitely take Hilton and Baldwin over Jackson and Shepard every single week. It doesn't even matter who they are playing.

Let's just say this, I can't lose to a team that I referred as "the girl in the bar that nobody wants to touch." If I did lose, it would be as if I was "the guy in the bar that hit on every girl, got rejected, and then got stuck with Dakster." Please, pretty please, don't make me that guy!!

Predict-shun: Juan Fatt Bidge wins by 22 points

I just want to congratulate you all for making it a quarter of the way through the Fantasy Football season. No matter what happens this week, we are all winners!

Mwah

Are we all winners though?