Okay, that is long enough.
First, let me just say that the video of his ankle is gruesome. You can quickly search it on YouTube, or just look at this....
I mean just gnarly looking. When I watched it and heard the announcer emphatically announce that "Gordon Hayward has broken his leg. Gordon Hayward has broken his leg" I couldn't look away. It is similar to a female who is so ugly they are attractive. The french have a phrase for this phenomenon, "jolie laid." It represents a woman who is attractive despite having ugly features. Essentially, you can't stop looking at her and there is something that continues to hold your attention. The Gordon Hayward injury is that same way for me. I can't stop looking at it.
Do I feel bad for the guy? Of course, but only for a couple seconds. After that, I come back to reality and realize he is still making millions upon millions of dollars. Earlier this morning a couple students came into my room and we started talking about the injury. It sucks for Hayward, but would I switch careers with him? In a heartbeat. In fact, I will still teach. Just pay me the same salary and I will break my ankle. Would it hurt and be unbearable? Probably. Would it be worth 128 million over the course of 4 years? Hell yes.
Now, in terms of fantasy football this injury does nothing to anyone's team - it is the NBA after all. However, it does give reminder that anyone's season can end within a matter of seconds.
Aaron Rodgers, David Johnson, Odell Beckham Jr., Julian Edelman, Greg Olsen, Tyler Eifert, Brandon Marshall, Allen Robinson, Dalvin Cook, and the list goes on. These are just big name offensive players - but there are plenty of other starters, defensive, and key backups on the list. Injuries can change everything - especially if you were very reliant upon that player on your fantasy team.
I really hope Richard Sherman isn't reading this, he would think that I am objectifying these players. Which I am. But you tell me why I should care about their broken leg and send them a letter of sympathy; they don't even know I exist! The only to relate to these players is through fantasy football. Given, I will never tweet at them and complain about how they messed up my fantasy season - but honestly, I could not care less if they break a leg. They will be fine in a couple months and go back to making hundreds of thousands of dollars (if not millions). I would gladly break one of my limbs once a year to make a couple million a year - but then again I am just a teacher making a salary just above the poverty line.
Which does bring me to my...
Team of the Week: Certified "G"
Certified "G" is the team that has the dad that goes to work - but every so often they get hurt and start collecting disability. However, disability is not enough to put food on the table. Without daddy's paycheck, Certified "G" is not going to win.
Gronk is daddy.
There are lots of little kids running around the house. Every so often they find a way to make money and help out - but it is never a nice steady paycheck. One week one child will help out and the next week they will disappear.
Cohen, Mixon, Gallman - all rookies, are the kids.
If Gronk is daddy, Nelson is mommy. Nelson tries to work hard and tries to put up points, and has done well. However, what is going to happen now? Without Rodgers throwing to him, will mommy still be able to provide?
As with most underprivileged families - you always have extended families staying in the house. Grandpappy Palmer is probably the most consistent person in the "house." He is always talking about when he was the father of the house and how he walked 15 miles, up hill both ways to work. When the young kids tell grandpa he is lying - there is nothing else to do other than prove that the old man still has it. Palmer is still putting work and scoring points. The biggest question, how long can the senior citizen last?
There is great group of looters that are living off this family and anything they have. They never really help out - instead they just scavenge the scraps that are left over. Crowder, Kelley, Kearse, and Rawls are all the next door neighbors that looking for a hand-out. These players are too inconsistent and have not performed up to par. Yet, somehow they still find a way to hang around and stay on the team.
Certified "G" (our team of the week) is also our family that needs help. If daddy doesn't go to work, good luck!
On to the predictions...
Sagging TD's (4-2)
Juan Fatt Bidge (1-5)
Well, here we are again. This is the point in the season where I simply continue the trend of picking the same team to win only to watch them lose. If you haven't caught on, I am going to be picking Juan Fatt Bidge.
It is incredibly hard to argue against a team that is starting Bell and McCoy at running back. Some teams struggle to have one top running back in their starting lineup - JFB has two studs starting at running back. On the flip side, I have to imagine that Ivory is not going to be putting up the same number he did last week. Plus, Newton will be throwing to McCaffrey and company. I wouldn't mind a decent game from McCaffrey, as long as Newton has a nice game as well.
The crazy part about a team having Bell and McCoy is that you would assume their receivers are garbage. Honestly, Hilton and Garcon are not bad. Both are supposedly the number 1 receiver on teams that will need to throw the ball to stay in the game. Here's hoping to more than one catch this week for T.Y.! Brown is obviously the guy in the receiving department. He should outperform all receivers in this matchup.
In most cases the tight end matchup will be a toss-up. Henry v Bennett falls into that category. The same goes for most defense and kicker match-ups.
Predicti-un: Juan Fatt Bidge wins.... I am going to stop predicting points - it is nearly impossible to guess and it is throwing some people off.
Team Price is a Dick (4-2)
I Miss Tyler (2-4)
So this matchup is incredibly lopsided. But not quite as lopsided as it appears...
I Miss Tyler has Elliott on the bench and after yesterday's court decision - I am sure he will be entering the starting lineup. Elliott and Forte could be a decent tandem - but the running back department really comes down to whether or not Peterson is the same Peterson we saw last week. He looked like the AP of old days - I am talking about the days when he was hosting orgies and whipping kids.
The receiving department is TPIAD will be dominate against most teams. There is just too much depth for TPIAD - Bryant, Fitzy (how is this old man still dominate??), Thomas. Not to mention, Agholor and Baldwin on the bench. On any given week TPIAD will be able to have his pick among 5 top receivers - find the matchup you like and throw 'em in the lineup.
The tight end matchup is interesting. Walker is just now entering his easy portion of the schedule - but still did not score points against Indy's defense. Engram is now one of the top receiving threats in New York - thanks to injuries. Coin flip here.
Still, I just can't go against the receivers that TPIAD have. Too many chances for players to go off for 25+ points. Miss Tyler better hope that Elliott plays and plays with an anger. Maybe he wants to stick it to the NFL and Goodell?
Predicti-un: Team Price is a Dick wins.... that is ironic considering this matchup
The J-Bones (3-3)
Waco Kids (4-2)
This matchup made a strong case for the matchup of the week. However, The J-Bones have not performed up the level of excellence we expect in the matchup of the week and thus they will on the outside looking in.
That is not to say that is not a great matchup - because it most definitely is! Gurley and Ajayi are two great running backs. It is a shame there is no bonus for rushing yards - because nobody sees Ajayi catching any passes! He may run for 110 yards and get his 11 points, good for him! Freeman and Montgomery are both top running backs that are fighting to prove that they are the lead back in their timeshare. Time to prove it boys!
Donte Moncrief. Thanks for screwing me last week! Be careful of that guy J-Bones. Thielen is probably the best receiver in this group. Can you imagine if three years ago I had told you that Adam Thielen was going to be a top 15 wide receiver in fantasy football what your reaction would be? I have said it before and I will say it again; Tyreek Hill is a big play or bust kind of receiver. But, man do I love watching him play!!
Waco Kids is the only team that starts a tight end at the flex position - and why not?!? When you have Kelce and Witten, you should start two tight ends! Both players would be in the top 30 if they were receivers. Witten is only that low because he has already had his bye week, Kelce would be in the top 10.
Predicti-un: Waco Kids wins... thanks to Witten and Kelce
Hoosier Daddy (2-4)
Certified "G" (2-4)
I think that Certified "G" is this leagues roller coaster team and Hoosier Daddy is the most consistent team. Think about,
Week 1: Certified "G" looked terrible, like Handy Rudgins terrible
Week 2: Certified "G" improves by nearly 40 points and gets the win
Week 3: Certified "G" reaches the peak of their performances and wins by 30+ points
Week 4: Certified "G" fails to break a hundred is on their way back down that first roller coaster hill
Week 5: Certified "G" fails to break 85 and is plummeting quickly
Week 6: Certified "G" is heading back up that 2nd roller coaster hill and loses scoring 117
Week 7? Certified "G" finds out that that maybe the roller coaster was not finished and flies off the track
On the flip side, Hoosier Daddy has consistently scored points and somehow found a way to lose. Hoosier leads the league is points scored and some how is 2 games under .500 - unbelievable. I am going to put the league on notice right now - Hoosier Daddy is going to make the playoffs and will pull-off and upset in terms of seeding.
Predicti-un: Hoosier Daddy wins.... let's just hope Certified does something about his starting lineup
Dakster's Lab (5-1)
Aaron Rodger's is Gay (2-4)
If ARIG wants to win this matchup - Evans, Jeffrey, and Crabtree need to have a great week.
Prescott has a great matchup against 49ers defense and Goff goes against the Cardinals defense - not in his favor!
Gillislee looks incredibly bad - my how the mighty have fallen since week 1. We all remember that week 1 outburst of 3 touchdowns for Gillislee, right? Yeah, that is not happening anymore. Howard and Thompson are clearly the best running backs in this matchup.
As I stated earlier - Evans, Jeffrey, and Crabtree are the key to this matchup. I am going to do it, I am going to out on a limb....
Predicti-un: Aaron Rodgers is Gay wins... come on receivers
BringBack Harbs (4-2)
Sergio Dippsh*ts (2-4)
This is a matchup of studs and duds. Essentially, it is Julio Jones v Melvin Gordon.
Wilson and Roethlisberger each have a decent matchup - although Wilson's offensive line is so bad, any defense is not a good matchup for Wilson.
Lynch and Coleman will struggle this week. Mark it down. Gordon is going to score 30 points again. Mark it down.
Julio Jones needs to have a decent week. He has struggled and not put up the big numbers we are used to seeing. The Law of Averages states that eventually he will have his big week, BringBack Harbs is hoping this is that week. At least he has Ertz, who is currently the number 1 tight end!
Predicti-un: BringBack Harbs wins... complete coin flip
Matchup of the Week
Mizuno Blue (4-2)
John Robles (3-3)
I can not believe that Mizuno Blue has a winning record. Not that his team is bad, but more about the amount of injuries that this team had in the beginning of the season.
Mizuno's starting lineup consists of 4 players that were acquired via trade: White, Allen, Landry, Pryor. These are the main point scorers for this team. One the flip side, John Robles has steadfast and not made a single trade this entire season.
Fournette and Ingram both have the ability to have huge games - as shown throughout the season. The question is: Can Fournette and Ingram beat Landry and Pryor? Most of Mizen's players are there because they catch passes - even the running backs. Matthews and Funchess are players that I have talked down the entire season and yet somehow they continue to score points. Matthews is ranked 28th and Funchess is ranked 20th. Never would I have guessed these two are ranked that high this late in the season.
I will say it: Hooper will outscore Seferian-Jenkins. That is what the difference in this matchup is going to be. Do you hear me Mizuno Blue? Seferian-Jenkins is going to lose this matchup for you!!
Predicti-un: John Robles wins... you can ASJ for the loss!!
There you have it gentleman - if you want to scroll back up and take a quick look at Hayward's ankle again - be my guest!!
Mwah
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