Week 4 Predictions

There comes a time in every fantasy league when those who know they have a playoff contending team start to realize it. At the same time, those that don't have a playoff contending team also realize it and one of two things happen...

1) They give up. They just stop paying attention and stop caring. It is difficult to blame them - their team sucks! Nobody likes doing stuff they are bad at.

2) They begin to explore the trading block. Now, this can be dangerous. Most teams that are not a playoff contending team are really only one or two pieces away from being able to contend. I mean come on, this is Fantasy Football and any team could a player or two have random huge week and could beat any other team. So, when they are exploring the trading block they need to keep in mind that while they may need to give up a key piece - as long as they are getting back a few more viable pieces. It would be like trading Kyrie Irving for multiple players/pieces - you traded the better player but you got back multiple players you can use.

I bring all this up, because in our league - we are reaching that point. Some teams are at the point that they need to either sh*t or get off the pot. It is not that they are way out of it record wise (not mathematically eliminated), but they have struggled to put up points. They need to make a move or decide to just become the bye week. On to the match-ups...

Team Price is a Dick (1-2) vs Juan Fatt Bidge (1-2)
Sergio Dippsh*t (1-2) vs Aaron Rodgers IS GAY (2-1)
Dakster's Lab (3-0) vs Waco Kids (1-2)
BringBack Harbs (1-2) vs Certified "G" (2-1)
The J-Bones (3-0) vs I Miss Tyler (0-3)
Hoosier Daddy (1-2) vs John Robles (0-3)
Mizuno Blue (2-1) vs Sagging TD's (3-0) - Matchup of the Week

Team Price is a Dick vs Juan Fatt Bidge

With both teams needing a win this is actually a pretty big matchup. Both teams sit at 1-2 and if they fall to 1-3 they could be on the outside looking in at the playoffs.

Throughout the season so far JFB has been scored the 4th highest points (2 points away from 3rd) but also has the 2nd highest points against. His team has players that should be fairly consistent from week to week. Newton has yet to actually put together a decent week - his chance aren't high now that his top passing option is out. Rodgers has a rough matchup against a tough run defense. Hilton is facing the "Legion of Boom" - and they just got torched, so you know they are going to make sure to send a message this week. Garcon may be looking at a lot of time with Peterson in his face. What I am trying to say is: JFB has some rough match-ups this week.

On the flip side, Smith looks like he has too many playmakers around him for anyone to actually shut him down. Remember, when he was thought of as just a "game manager?" Bell has a matchup against  a defense that just gave up 44 points to the JAGUARS!! Thomas is playing Oakland, at home - let's just say Oakland is more known for their offense. Even "Long-Tooth Larry" is playing the 49er defense - anybody watch Thursday Night Football last week? What I am trying to say is: TPIAD has some good match-ups this week.

Against all that I just said, I still like JFB to win this week. I don't know why, maybe I am biased? Maybe I like their team better? Maybe TPIAD won't put in a kicker? Who knows?

Prediction: Juan Fatt Bidge wins by 15 points

Sergio Dippsh*t vs Aaron Rodgers IS GAY

This is a matchup between a team that finally broke 100 points last week and a team that scored the lowest points out of anyone last week. Hmmmm, what to do? what to do? Let's just compare positions and go from there...

QB - Advantage Sergio. Big Ben just has too many weapons and Baltimore did just give up 44 points to the Jags.

RBs - Advantage Sergio. Melvin Gordon has scored every week. Dalvin Cook is clearly the lead back for the Vikings. Gillislee had a big week 1, a decent week 2, and a crappy week 3. If this trend continues - he will be none existent in week 4. Gore has longer teeth than anybody - yet somehow he continues to play decent, ARIG is going to need more than decent this week.

WRs - Advantage ARIG. Mike Evans is superior to any of the wide receivers in this matchup, and it isn't even close. Michael Thomas has to travel to London to play and if you have watched the Giants play - it is OBJ or bust?

TEs - Advantage Sergio. Not a big advantage, but essentially I trust Graham against the Colts more than I trust Miller against the Packers.

DEF and Kicker - Advantage Sergio. Broncos are good, but I don't think Oakland's offense will have two off weeks in a row. Baltimore has struggled to move the ball - which means less chances for their kicker. Panthers offense has struggled, but Pats defense is not stellar. Dolphins are playing against the Saint defense - wait, do they even have a defense?

After looking at this, and I can not believe I am going to say this....

Prediction: Sergio Dippsh*ts wins 10 points

Dakster's Lab vs Waco Kids

Dakster is 3-0 and has never won a matchup by more than 10 points, in fact on average his wins are by a hair over 6 points. How does this team continue to squeak by? Can they do it again?/

This is where it stops. Waco Kids have the clear advantage at running backs. Can Chris Thompson really score 30 points again? I wouldn't bet on it. Girley is a man right now, see what I did there? Adams and Jackson have clearly underperformed, but yet the wide receiver department is definitely the downfall for the Waco Kids. I mean, I know this is a 14 team league - but Stills, really? Go out a get a receiver from someone, anyone!!! After that, it is all Waco Kids - Kelce and Witten are far and away better options than Rudolph and Shepard. FAR AND AWAY!! Texans play the Titans, who just lit up the Seahawks this past week. Seahawks play the Colts who haven't been able to move the ball against anyone not named the Browns. 

Just too many options and depth for the Waco Kids. Hey, it was a good run Dakster, 3-1 is nothing to be ashamed of...

Prediction: Waco Kids wins by 23 points

BringBack Harbs vs Certified "G"

Certified "G" is one of my favorite teams to track. They were easily the worst team in week 1 and now they are 2-1 with a decent chance to go to 3-1. But is it really decent?

For some odd reason, I am a big fan of Stafford and the Lions offense. I really like the style they play and at any given week he could throw the ball 40+ times. However, Palmer is facing the 49ers defense. We all know 49ers defense, once again - did you watch Thursday Night Football last week?

Certified "G" has the advantage with the running backs. Mixon is coming into form and Cohen is explosive. Carson (flex) is also the lead back in Seattle and they are facing Indianapolis - the worst run defense in the history of the NFL. Lynch will get the goal line carries and that is about it. Stewart is the option in Carolina, but they have struggled to get anything going.

When it comes down to receivers Harbs has the clear advantage. Jones and Cooks both have the chance to explode at any given time. Benjamin (flex) is the only receiver that I would look away from. Like literally, he is a solar eclipse and you can not look at him - get him out of there!! Nelson is good, but with so many options in Green Bay - who knows? Crowder has yet to put a decent game together - once again, in an offense with so many options?

Gronk is an advantage for Certified, but not as big as you would think. Wentz has that Eagles offense soaring and Ertz is a big benefactor because of it. He is averaging 16 points a game, and is much more consistent than Gronk. However, Gronk is Gronk and if a Gronk is a Gronk then a Gronk will always be a Gronk!! Make sense?

I just can't get away from those wide receivers...

Prediction: BringBack Harbs wins by 3 points

The J-Bones vs I Miss Tyler

If there ever was a mismatch in the history of mismatches - this is it. J-Bones is 3-0 and Miss Tyler is 0-3.

J-Bones has the advantage in nearly every position. Two top running backs. Two big receivers. A great flex player. A good matchup for the defense. A good matchup for the kicker.

Miss Tyler has one good running back, who happens to be going against a tough defense. A tight end who just had a big game, but is in an offense that may not produce many points. A defense that is playing one of my favorite offenses.

However, Miss Tyler does have A.J. Green going against the Browns. Everybody hear me now, A.J. Green will have a monster game. AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER GAME.

You know the crazy thing about mismatches though, it is only a mismatch until they play the game...

Prediction: I MISS TYLER PULLS OFF THE UPSET AND WINS BY 5 POINTS

Hoosier Daddy vs John Robles

Let's just say, that Hoosier Daddy should not be 1-2 and he may take out his anger here and put up the biggest point spread in a victory this season.

If Brady does not have another 30 point game, John Robles may not break 80 points this week. In fact, I will say it John Robles will score 78.6 points. Mark it down: 78.6 points.

However, Hoosier Daddy is going to break 130 points this week. In fact, I will say it Hoosier Daddy will score 138.4 points. Mark it down: 138.4 points.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy wins by 59.8 points

Mizuno Blue vs Sagging TD's

Matchup of the Week

This is the only matchup with two teams that have winning records this week. The ironic part: Mizuno Blue was ranked 1st in the DDA and Sagging TD's was ranked last in the DDA.

Mizuno Blue has really struggled to replace his injuries and that may be the downfall for him in this matchup. Matt Ryan is going against a decent defense - but he is home and he will always have the best player on the field to pass to. Hyde is a stud. Plain and simple. I don't care if he plays for the lowly 49ers, he will get his points. After that, who knows? Landry... maybe? White... maybe? Tate... could happen, but still a maybe? The Jets tight end... uhhhhh WHAT? 

So can Ryan and Hyde with a bunch of maybes take down Rodgers, Brown, Diggs, Parker, and the boys? Doubtful. Are there hole in Sagging TD's team? Yes. Are there studs on Sagging TD's team? Yes. 

Does the Sagging TD's team have more studs than Mizuno Blue? What do you think?

Prediction: Sagging TD's wins by 22 points

Mwah

Week 3 Results

There are a few times in my life when I find true happiness. Every time my child laughs or hugs me for no reason. When I got married and my wife actually continued to walk down the isle instead of turn around and run. Of course, there was the process of creating my children - bow chicka wow wow!!

None of this compares to getting that first crucial win in fantasy football!! For some people (roughly half the league) that win comes a little later - like in WEEK 3!!!! No matter the week - when you get that first win it is so good!

"So good once it hits your lips - fill it up again"

To the results:

I Miss Tyler (0-3) 101.5

Juan Fatt Bidge (1-2) 134.8

This was a huge win for Juan Fatt. It is about time his receivers finally show up and score some big points like they were supposed to be doing all week long. Everybody just ignore the fact that Miss Tyler had only 4 players score in the double digits. Everybody please notice that Juan Fatt's kicker and defense both outscored both quarterbacks. This win really came through the air...

Juan Fatt Bidge's receivers: 76 points

I Miss Tyler's receivers: 43.2 points

The difference in receivers: 32.8 points

The difference in the total score: 33.3 points

Is this a PPR league? Yes, yes it is!!

Prediction: Juan Fatt Bidge beat I Miss Tyler by 50 points

Result: Juan Fatt beat Miss Tyler by 33.3 points - didn't cover the spread, but got the win!

BringBack Harbs (1-2) 98.7

Dakster's Lab (3-0) 107.6

So yes, I did prediction that Dakster would not break 100 points this week - but who in their right mind would have said that Christ Thompson is going to score 30 points!! I don't care if "Fat Rob" Kelley is hurt - that is ridiculous. It also did not help BringBack that Benjamin went down early and the entire panthers offensive air game fell apart. I really thought BringBack was still going to take the win - that is until Dakster emerged from his lab, told his sister Deedee to get out and balled out on the Cardinals defense. There is just no denying, that he is good and very consistent. He has scored over 15 points every week and is currently 8th in all quarterbacks (3 through 8 are all only three points away from each other). 

Prediction: BringBack Harb's beats Dakster's Lab by 22 points

Result: Dakster's Lab beats BringBack Harb's by 8.9 points - got this one WRONG!!!

Sergio Dippsh*ts (1-2) 111.8

Hoosier Daddy (1-2) 123.2

I would first like to congratulate both teams. Hoosier Daddy, you finally got that much deserved win! Sergio - hey buddy, you finally broke 100 points!!!! Let's all give a round of applause for them... (pause for the clapping)... okay that is enough. 

Okay, so lets refer back to the predictions and let me explain who I was actually talking about:

Team A (Hoosier Daddy) has a great running back: Kareem Hunt

Team B (Sergio Dipp) has a questionable player: Jimmy Graham (at the time he was questionable)

Team A has a good match-up for defense: Ravens, usually teams can't perform when in London

Team B has a receiver with someone suspended: Michael Thomas (Snead was still suspended)

Now, yes all of those statements also apply(ied) to the other team as well. I will let you figure out what player fits the bill for each statement. 

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy beats Sergio Dippsh*ts by 18 points

Results: Hoosier Daddy beats Sergio Dippsh*ts by 11.4 points - BINGO!!

Waco Kids (1-2) 85.4

Team Price is a Dick (1-2) 127.9

This match-up really surprised me. A huge upset! Especially considering Gurley scored 37.9 points during the Thursday night game. Honestly, who would have thought that the combination of: Ajayi, Cobb, Kelce, Witten, and Seahawks Def score a combined 2.9 points. Unreal. Disgusting. Unlucky. Bullsh*t. Call it what you want - that will not happen often (if ever again). Seahawks are one of the best rated defenses and they got torched by the Titans receivers. Are you kidding me Richard Sherman? Earl Thomas? Kam Chancellor? Where you at Legion of Boom? On the flip side, this matchup actually was extremely close until the Monday night game. "Long Tooth" Fitzy went off for 33.9 points. I bet that if he was a younger version of himself he could have beaten Gurley's score - it is a shame, a damn shame. Nonetheless...

Prediction: Waco Kids beats Team Price is a Dick by 35 points

Results: Team Price is a Dick beats Waco Kids by 42.5 points - this is the biggest point spread to date and I was very clearly WRONG!!

Certified "G" (2-1) 116

Mizuno Blue (2-1) 83.3

There are sometimes when that thing inside my chest starts to really feel bad for someone. Yes, folks I am referring to my heart - and surprisingly I do have one. It may be "grinch-sized" but it is there and sometimes it does feel bad for people. Like when babies fall down or when small animals run into things. I also don't like seeing a fantasy team destroyed by injuries. Mizuno Blue clearly has been riddled by injuries. He is missing his top receiver (Allen Robinson), top running back (David Johnson), and his tight end (Greg Olsen). I am fairly positive those guys could score more than 5.6 points (his replacement players point total). 

But let's not take away from Certified and how much this team has turned it around. Nearly, every key player on this team reached double digits. With the exception of Carr - who had a terrible night, and Crowder - still waiting to get into form (I don't necessarily count the kicker) his team had a very consistent week. Good for you buddy!!

Prediction: Mizuno Blue beats Certified "G" by 13 points

Results" Certified "G" beats Mizuno Blue by 22.7 points - WRONG!!!

John Robles (0-3) 130.9

Sagging TD's (3-0) 157.7

I must say the team that I am most surprised by in this match-up and the first three weeks is Sagging TD's. The DDA had him ranked last among all teams and now he sits 3-0 and highest points scored all season. Part of the reason being Diggs - who has scored more than 27 points in 2 of the three weeks. This week was Case Keenum, so clearly it doesn't matter who is throwing the ball. I do remember last year a stretch when Diggs was the top receiver and then he dropped off drastically. Now, I do not think that the Vikings are the same team as last year and I don't foresee a drastic drop-off, but look for one to happen shortly. 

You gotta feel for John Robles. You scored the 3rd highest this week and lost. Here is some advice for you: go talk to Hoosier Daddy. He will teach you how to recover from this. My advice: a little a lone time. Find a nice dark corner in your house and make sure you have good wifi. Tissues are normally recommended. Once you get there....

Start initiating some trades.

You all are sick with your dirty thoughts!!

Prediction: Sagging TD's beats John Robles by 25 points

Results: Sagging TD's beats John Robles by 26.8 points - do I need to bring back the Miss Cleo gif?

Match-up of the Week

Aaron Rodgers is GAY (2-1) 68.3

The J-Bones (3-0) 76.6

I must apologize, not for me, but for these two teams. I am apologizing who anticipated a high scoring match-up - which is essentially everyone. And so you know, these two teams will not be giving you a scripted apology that is clearly being read of some paper that their publicist wrote for them. Oh no, this is going to be real and from the heart!

Coming into the match-up these two teams were both right at the top in points scored. After this week, ARIG is now 7th in points scored and J-Bones is 2 points away from dropping to 3rd. ARIG did not have any player score multiple touchdowns (we all know passing tds don't count). Just as I predicted. For J-Bones, decent performances from the running back position and a good game from Hill. Just as I predicted. Also, talking about my predictions....

Prediction: The J-Bones beat Aaron Rodgers is GAY by 8 points

Results: The J-Bones beat Aaron Rodger is GAY by 8.3 points - I mean do I get extra credit for this???

This Week: 4-3

Season: 10-11

Competitor: 2-5

Season: 10-11

Before I send you away with my SWAK (Sealed With A Kiss) - I would like you to know that I have written this entire blog on one knee. All of my blogmates interlocked their arms with mine - incredibly hard to type. What do you think Trump will call us, SOBs? Son of Bloggers?

Mwah

Did they read my blog?

Do they read my blog?

Week 1 Thursday night game = Awesome!!

Week 2 Thursday night game = Awful!

Week 3 Thursday night game = Awesome!!

I am sure the Rams and 49ers read my blog post last week about Thursday night football games. They put on a show!! The finals score, 41-39 (Rams won) is the highest scoring game this season. And it happened on a Thursday!

I wrote about how Thursday night games are sloppy. There were plenty of turnovers, 5 - count them all! Even with that, the offensive explosion of both teams more than made up for it.

If you had Gurley (Waco Kid) you were loving every minute of the game! The fact that the 49ers battled back and the Rams had to keep their foot on the gas gave more reason for Gurley to keep trucking through defenders! Goff actually looked good, the 49ers defense had just held the Seahawks offense out of the end zone the week before and Goff threw for 3 TD's.

For 49ers, Hoyer threw for over 300 yards. And to think, that guy used to be a Cleveland Brown! Pierre "Frenchie" Garcon caught 7 balls for over 140 yards - he just couldn't find the paydirt! On top of all that offense, the best part of the game was the last 5 minutes....

I can not remember a time when I have seen an NFL team needing so many miracles and then getting them. With the 49ers down by 15, the Rams punt the ball. The 49ers start off with deep ball to Garcon for 59 yards and three plays later punch it in the end zone. 49ers down by 8. On the kickoff, the Rams fumble the ball and the 49ers recover. Happens all the time, right?

The 49ers score on a 4th and goal. Yes, I am telling you that the 49ers were down by 15 - scored - needed a turnover - recovered a fumble on the kickoff - scored - and now have a chance for a two-point conversion to tie. Happens all the time, right?

Well, Cleveland Browns Hoyer rears his ugly face and throws a pick on the two-point conversion. Talk about a roller coaster ride of emotions! So now, the game is practically over. The 49ers line-up for an onside kick... THEY RECOVER THE KICK!!! Are you aware of what just happened?

Here it is in a summary: Rams punt, 49ers score, Rams fumble, 49ers score, 49ers miss two-point conversion, 49ers recover onside kick. WWWWHHHHAAATTTT? This never happens in real life. Is someone punking us and we are watching two kids play Madden 18?

But, as in physics, what goes up must come down. The 49ers then proceed to turn the ball over on downs and the game is over. 

It was absolutely amazing to watch.  It had the ups and the downs of a great story. The rise and fall of a great dynasty. A hero on a quest. And in the end - it was hero who was slain. Plot twist!

I loved every minute of this game. I would like to thank the Rams and 49ers for reading my blog and my frustration about TNF and deciding to actually entertain us fans. Three cheers to you guys!!

Mwah

PreDICKtions - W3

Sooooooo, lets start this off with a moment of silence for Maurice Tavierne. This is my wife's grandfather and he passed away early Sunday morning. We had his viewing in Jackson, MI tonight with his funeral tomorrow. He was a good man. I would say that his only downfall would be..........

HE DIDN'T KNOW SH*T ABOUT FANTASY FOOTBALL!!!

So in all reality, this whole viewing and funeral thing have really gotten in the way with my roster tinkering. Nonetheless, we must do what we have to do to make sure the ones we love know we love them. Thus, I am stuck in Jackson, MI shaking hands with everyone that I don't know. What I really want to ask them is, "Should I start Jacquizz Rodgers or "Buck" Allen?" or "Which defense is going to have a better day? Dolphins or Jaguars?"

All of these people are easily well past their prime of caring and probably waiting for their own little basket ride to the dirt. They most definitely don't care about fantasy football. In fact, the only person I could talk to about fantasy football is my brother-in-law. This is the same guy who has half team currently on IR or is suspended - guess I am not taking advice from that clown. 

Anyways, on to what you came here for....

I Miss Tyler (0-2) vs Juan Fatt Bidge (0-2)

BringBack Harbs (1-1) vs Dakster's Lab (2-0)

Aaron Rodgers is GAY (2-0) vs The J-Bones (2-0) - Match-up of the Week

Sergio Dippsh*ts (1-1) vs Hoosier Daddy (0-2)

Waco Kids (1-1) vs Team Price is Dick (0-2)

Certified "G" (1-1) vs Mizuno Blue (2-0)

John Robles (0-2) vs Sagging TD's (2-0)

I Miss Tyler (0-2) vs Juan Fatt Bidge (0-2)

What a battle we have here!!! These two teams are fighting for that coveted first win. Both teams look like strong teams on paper - but neither team has had a complete performance.

Miss Tyler clearly is very dependent on Elliott and Green to make the big points. If Elliott actually takes the message of "we demand more effort" to heart - we could see a big week this week. Who knows when the BenGIRLS will actually score a touchdown? Dalton looks lost on the field and it took an amazing catch from Green to save his point total last week.

On the flip side JFB needs to keep getting the consistent points from Walker and McCoy. Will there be an A. Luck siting any time soon? Hilton NEEDS an A. Luck siting. Baldwin could use a little offensive line work to give Wilson a little time for him to actually run a route. 

With these two teams, they could score 130 or they could score 80. So I am going to go out on a limb and say one team does score 130 and one team does score 80. And the winner is......

PreDICKtion: Juan Fatt Bidge beats I Miss Tyler by 50 points

BringBack Harbs (1-1) vs Dakster's Lab (2-0)

This very possibly could have been a match-up of two undefeated teams. If the Giants offense could have actually looked like an offense then Stafford would not have handed the ball off 500 times in the second half. Nonetheless, BBH is 1-1 and in the middle of the pack.

Dak is really hoping that Thompson and Amendola can manage 6 or 7 catches and score some decent points. Adams is a solid wide receiver and because he plays in Green Bay he gets as many targets as most other teams number 1 options. Jackson is the exact definition of "big play or bust" wide receiver. Other than that, I don't see Dak scoring more than 100 points this week. Mark it down.

BringBack Harbs has two solid receivers and with the injury to Olsen, Benjamin just became the new number 1 "air option" in Carolina. I still don't really trust the running backs. Lynch will get his goal line touches, but I think he is more of a sideline dancer than a bruiser - especially after his retirement. I am still a big fan of Stafford. I like the offense they are running. In terms of real football - I think the Lions will beat the Falcons. But who cares about that?

PreDICKtion: BringBack Harbs beats Dakster's Lab by 22 points

Sergio Dippsh*ts (1-1) vs Hoosier Daddy (0-2)

Honestly, I don't really want to write too much about this match-up. I know that one of these teams is probably jinxed by me writing too much about them. I will write what I want about the teams with no names and see if you can fill in the blanks...

Team A has a great running back that put up points a variety of ways. Team B is playing a questionable player - he better be watching the injury report. Team A has a good match-up on defense - most teams don't perform very well offensively in that stadium. Team B has a receiver who could make the big play and also will get plenty of volume with another option still suspended. Team A's quarterback has many weapons on offense to pass the ball too.

If you hadn't picked up on it, everything I just said applies to both teams. I really hope one of two things just happened: (A) you feel really dumb for not noticing that sooner (B) you feel offended that I felt like I had to tell you what I was doing. Nonetheless...

PreDICKtion: Hoosier Daddy beats Sergio Dippsh*ts by 18 points

Waco Kids (1-1) vs Team Price is a Dick (0-2)

This is a very lopsided affair. One team is ranked 4th (2 points behind 3rd) in "points for" and the other team is ranked 10th. Yes, folks - this has the outlook of a good 'ol fashion butt whoopin'.

Waco Kids brings out 2 solid running backs that are both the bell cow on their respective team. Both running backs should get 20+ touches. Kelce is a solid tier 1 tight end and there are plenty of options for Waco Kids to replace Davis in the flex. I am still not a big fan of the receiving corps as a whole. Two receivers who are on good offenses - but both offenses spread the ball around and if you are not the first option, you just might not get your fair share.

Price is a D has THE running back on his team. Bell could very easily explode for 30 points in a given week and one must think that it will happen soon. TPIAD also has two very good receivers who could get plenty of touches. After that, the drop-off is steep. Riddick clearly let TPIAD down last week and is he really going to start Cook at tight end? The Cardinals offense looks like a lingerie league team right now - I mean they struggled to score against the Colts. THE FREAKIN' COLTS!!

Waco just has too much fire power and once the get a player who is not out in the flex position this could get out of hand...

PreDICKtion: Waco Kids beats Team Price is a Dick by 35 points

Certified "G" (1-1) vs Mizuno Blue (2-0)

First off, I would like to applaud Mizuno Blue. I am not applauding him for his big win after losing so many key players - no, no, no. I am applauding him for losing so many key players and going out there and making trades to continually throw out a decent line-up. You have swindled your way to the top of the league and who knows if you can bet stopped!! Someone stop "The Swindler!"

Certified has the waiver wire pick-up of the year. Supposedly, Jordan Howard's shoulder is fine - but would you trust it if you had the electric Cohen ready to go? Yeah, me neither. Nelson and Gronk will get their targets. Apparently, Carson is the running back to have in Seattle - too bad their offensive line is pretty much non-existent at the moment.

Once again, a round of applause for Mizuno Blue. (Pause for the clapping). Hyde looked amazing last week. Too bad after every big run he had to suck oxygen like a 70 year old - and these guys are supposed to be in the best shape of their lives?!? Tate was a big pick-up in a trade, and in the Lions "dump and run" (commonly referred to as The West Coast offense) he could get plenty of receptions. Landry had 13 receptions last week. Yes, that is not a typo - 13 RECEPTIONS!! Without Olsen, the tight end is the gaping hole in this lineup. I am not sure it will matter this week....

PreDICKtion: Mizuno Blue beats Certified "G" by 13 points

John Robles (0-2) vs Sagging TD's (2-0)

If you look at the records, this looks like a tremendous mismatch. If you look at the teams, this still looks like a tremendous mismatch.

The quarterbacks are a split. Either quarterback could have a big week, especially since New England is committed to the short screen passes and finding the big tight end down field. I like Fournette for Robles, but I hate Ingram. I think that McCaffrey will have a much bigger role in the Panthers offense after the injury to Olsen. After that, it only goes downhill for John Robles...

No one in their right mind can tell me that Decker and Matthews should stay close with Brown and Diggs. Are you kidding me? Decker and Matthews are on the same team and are both going against one of the best defensive secondaries...ever. Decker and Matthews will not break 15 - combined. Jay Cutler was huge on Parker all preseason and I think it is only a matter of time before Parker has a big game. When I say a matter of time, what I really mean is - this week Parker is going to have a big game. Parker will score more than 20 points and beat all Robles starting receivers.

PreDICKtion: Sagging TD's beats John Robles by 25 points

Aaron Rodgers is GAY (2-0) vs The J-Bones (2-0) 

Match-up of the Week

I have not picked Aaron Rodger is Gay to win - yet here they are, 2-0 and in this week's "Match-up of the Week." The J-Bones have dominated and find themselves ranked 1st in "points for."  Was there really a question of which match-up was going to be featured?

If ARIG wants to stay competitive in this match-up someone needs to explode. In week 1, Gillislee had 3 touchdowns. In week 2, Crabtree had 3 touchdowns. Who will be this week? No one. In fact, ARIG will not have a player score multiple touchdowns this week - and that could be the downfall. Mike Evans may have the best shot at it - and he will have a huge game, but he will not get that second score.

On the flip side, what is not to like about The J-Bones. They have two great running backs, Freeman and Montgomery. They have an explosive playmaker with Hill (no, I will show the play again). It is only a matter of time before Carr realizes Amari "Armani" Cooper is actually the Raiders best receiver. J-Bones could use a slight improvement in the Tight End position, but even then his weakest position is in an offense run by Brees. Not too shabby for a guy who hated his team after the draft!

PreDICKtion: The J-Bones beat Aaron Rodgers is GAY by 8 points  

Well, I gotta get to bed so I can carry a dead guy tomorrow.

Mwah

Week 2 Results

Extra, Extra, Read all about it! Hoosier Daddy has 2nd highest points in the league and is still 0-2!!

Yes, it is true and unfathomable. Hoosier Daddy has scored the 2nd most points in our fantasy league and is still 0-2. Even more unbelievable? He has done with virtually nothing from his first round pick - Odell Beckham Jr. Does this guy know fantasy football or does this guy know fantasy football?

On the flip side, Sergio Dippsh*ts has score the fewest points - nearly 100 points less than Hoosier Daddy and he is 1-1 (and he very possibly could have won in week 2 and been 2-0). Fantasy Football - it is a motherfu*ker.

Take it to the stats...

Juan Fatt Bidge 88.9 
Aaron Rodgers IS GAY 125.6

ARIG is now 2-0 and looking strong for the playoffs. They have strong play from their receivers and as long as they continue to get consistent points from Gillislee ARIG will be a team that you do not want to face. To think, this whole time ARIG has been waiting for A. Luck to come back and he will have a complete team - but then again, is A. Luck going to be that good???

JFB - is on the wrong side of tough competition. They have the 2nd highest points against - playing 2nd highest scorer each week. You are not going to win games doing that! He is getting pretty consistent play from most of his players - he is just not getting that big game from someone to help put him over the top. At 0-2, you can not panic - but you do need to do something to get the ship turned around!

Prediction: JFB beats ARIG by 15 - WRONG!!

Hoosier Daddy 128.1
The J-Bones 134.1

This is the rough one. Hoosier Daddy has a great team - big play makers (Hunt and Sanders) and consistent scorers (Cousins and Hopkins). I have picked him to win every week and I beginning to think that might be the reason for the bad luck. Sorry buddy, I am going to keep picking you - I mean like I said you have outscored everybody in this league...

Except for J-Bones. The exact words from J-Bones owner after the draft, "I hate my team" and "My team sucks." This is the same guy who didn't know half the players being drafted in the middle of the 3rd round. Yet, here he is at the top of the league 2-0 and the most points scored by any team. How has he done it? Touchdowns and big plays. Outside of quarterbacks J-Bones has 11 touchdowns while the rest of the league averages 6 touchdowns. Unreal. Good for you. We all are happy for you.

Prediction: Hoosier Daddy beat J-Bones by 7 - WRONG!!

Team Price is a D*ck 90.5
Dakster's Lab 94.2

Can I just say this: You let me down Riddick, you really let me down! Now, I have go back to that bar that Dakster was sitting at and look again and really see if she is an 8 or if she really is someone to avoid. You know that crazy thing about those girls at bars - as the night goes on, she begins to look better and better. Hey Dakster, you still don't look that sexy! You haven't even broken 200 points scored and you are 2-0. Someone will definitely leave that bar with you - but it is for sure not me!

Team P is a D, can I just say this: Riddick let you down, he really let you down! You have a decent consistent team, no really big playmakers - but good solid volume. I think you can make a push for the playoffs with Dez and Le'veon as your foundation. But until that push happens, you can join me in the winless corner as we watch Dakster dance with guys that are way, way out of his league!

Prediction: Price is a D beats Dakster by 15 - WRONG!!

Mizuno Blue 102
BringBack Harbs 101.6

This my friends, this is why you have fractional scoring. Without fractional scoring, this match-up is a tie and we all get to hear about Mizuno Blue complaining. Instead, we all wait for a stat change to help out BringBack Harbs! But seriously, one of the most impressive wins considering all the factors. Mizuno Blue has lost 3 of his first 4 picks from the draft. He did manage a good trade and that helped him tremendously - but even then, any team losing 3 of their first 4 picks and still going 2-0 deserves some kind of credit.

What can I say Harbs? I really thought you had this one. I would blame everything not he Giants and their pathetic offense. Honestly, mainly their receivers who dropped at least 5 or 6 catches that I could have made. Nonetheless, you have a good starting lineup and I think if you can consistently redzone touches for Lynch - you should be fine in the long run. Hey man, 1-1 is better than 0-2!!

Prediction: Harbs beats Mizuno by 15 - WRONG!!

Sagging TD's 92.2
Sergio Dippsh*ts 78.4

Sagging TD's - you are 2-0! The team that was voted last in our DDA (read the first or second post for understanding of this) is 2-0. Yes, you played the lowest scoring team this week and would have lost to half the teams in the league this year - but, you only have to beat the team you are facing! I said before and I will say it again - I do not trust your running backs. They will be your downfall.

Sergio - what else is there to say? You are 1-1 and everyone knows (even you) you should 0-2. But like I said early, you only have to beat the teams you are facing! Nothing speaks more true, than this team. Sergio has the lowest point total and somehow managed to get a win (and it very possibly could have been two). Good for you. Good luck in the next couple weeks!

Prediction: Sergio beats Sagging by 10 - WRONG!!

I Miss Tyler 88.2
Waco Kids 132.6

Miss Tyler - you interested in trading Elliott? I mean his effort is just not there right now. If I were you I would trade him to JFB for a solid defense and maybe ask for a kicker as well. By the way, this is a formal offer. Seriously though, I thought this team would be much better. Who would have thought that a team featuring Elliott, A.J. Green, and Martavis Bryant would struggle to reach the endzone? Unbelievable. Seriously though - think about that trade!!

Waco Kids, in my opinion, is one of the biggest surprises of the league. Waco lost a close one in week 1 and then comes out a puts up a big score in week 2. 1-1 is not bad, but this team could easily be 2-0. And to think, he has Big Hittin' Witten on his bench - who scored a measly 25 points this past week. Gurley is returning back to form - I have sent countless trade offers, but to no avail. I can't blame him, Gurley looks like a top 5 back and in a 14 team league with a flex position - you just can't give that up!

Prediction: Miss Tyler beats Waco by 15 - WRONG!!

John Robles 82.5
Certified "G" 101.3

John Robles, John Robles, John Robles. I just like typing that name, because I think it is funny. Great team name, sh*tty team. The only reason why this team scored 80+ is because Brady put up 30 points. All. By. His. Lonesome. That means the rest of this team scored 50 points. Iy yi yi, that is not good! John Robles, I am just saying - time to make some trades or search the waiver wire!!

Certified "G" - this weeks turn around award. Certified was far and away the worst team last week. He goes out and gets whoever he wants on the waiver wire! Lucky for him, Gronk and Carr showed and he didn't really need his waiver wire pickup - Cohen - who didn't do anything spectacular. If Gronk can stay healthy, than this team is trending upwards. This team will go as far as Gronk can carry them!

Prediction: Certified beats Robles by 2 - Hey, I got one RIGHT!!

Well, I went an amazing 1-6 this week. My mystery opponent went 4-3. This is looking about as good as John Robles team right now - and that is pretty sh*tty!

Mwah

6-8
8-6

MNF or ANW

Decisions, decisions, decisions. What to watch?

Monday Night Football or American Ninja Warrior?

You know how many great writers always have their odd guilty pleasures? Bill Simmons loves MTV The Challenge. Steve Rannazzisi (The League) loves to watch Real Housewives. Me, you ask? I love American Ninja Warrior!

Yes, I am watching the show right now (MNF is on recall), but I am mainly watching ANW. Tonight is the finale. My picks are...

Najee Richardson - a fun, fast former gymnast

Josh Levin - a solid rock climber who has the build and background of someone who could win

The Las Vegas round 2 has a couple new additions and it is looking tough. I just watched Captain NBC almost finish the "wingnut alley." He fell trying to swing to the landing pad. I stand by my prediction: tonight we crown someone a champ!

This first section was just completed at 8:34 and I have seen 11 runners go through and lose on the 2nd round.

Mwah

I just watched Sean Bryan "Papal Ninja" complete stage 2. He looks strong - Akbar Gbaja-Biamila called him a "Swoll Ninja" he also was a former gymnast for Cal-Berkeley when they finished 5th in the nation.

8:44

Mwah

I just finished watching Adam Rayle fall on "wingnut alley." He looked so strong - rock solid strong. He was just flying through and easily catching himself on the wingnuts. The camera caught him as he was getting out of the pool and he said, "You can't always be perfect. Gotta be happy with that!" Noooooo, screw that! I want a pissed off ninja - Adam Rayle you looked good enough to win and you should not be happy with that. That my friends, that is what the professional athletes are not afraid to express - their dissatisfaction with performances.

I was going to stop this section - but, Najee Richardson is up! They are showing his run - and not just snippets of the run while we were at commercial. I can not wait, here we go......

Hook Swing - check
Salmon Ladder - Check
Waverunner - CHeck
Swingsurfer - CHEck
Wingnut Alley - CHECk
Boards - CHECK

THE PHOENIX IS MOVING ON TO STAGE 3!!!!!!

9:01

Mwah

I just watched snippets of Josh Levin's run and he fell on the Waverunner. I not only shocked; I am sad. I really thought he had the best chance.

Now, I am watching my son and daughter's favorite runner - Daniel Gil. I think I just can't get over the fact that he and his fiance's hair is the exact same. Ahhhhhhh - he just fell trying to swing out of Wingnut Alley. Noooooooooooooo!!!

Now, we have the only female to qualify for stage 2 Alyssa Beird. She made it past the Hook Swing and is now on the Salmon Ladder - and she falls at the top of the Salmon Ladder. I don't want to sound like too much of a chauvinist - but I really don't think we will ever see a women complete all four stages in Las Vegas. But who knows, maybe I am wrong - maybe I shouldn't assume genders either? Maybe everyone running the course is an "it" and not a he or she? Maybe, America is too sensitive and that is just some dumb bullsh*t for people who are not comfortable enough with themselves to complain about?

Too edgy?

9:14

Mwah

Currently watching Joe Moravski and he looks strong. He has 1:20 lest and he is in Wingnut Alley. HE MADE IT!!! JOE "WEATHERMAN" MORAVSKI IS GOING TO STAGE 3!!!!!

He looks really strong and could be a force to contend with on stage 3.

9:23

Mwah

Real Life Ninja Drew Drechsel is now running. He is easily the favorite to win this year - here we go....

Hook Swing - check
Salmon Ladder - Check
Waverunner - CHeck
Swingsurfer - CHEck
Wingnut Alley - CHE, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I can not believe that just happened - he was flying from wingnut to wingnut. He literally overshot two wing nuts - the last one he hugged, full-on hugged. He fell on the swing to the landing pad. He said his arm felt like it was "dead-armed" from hitting his bicep on the last wingnut.

This truly is shocking.

9:37

Mwah

Stage 3 is an upper body gauntlet. No timer. Little landing pads. Lots of hanging and grip work. This is the course that you want to be a rock climber. Someone who has plenty of grip strength. Levin would have been a perfect runner.

Sean Bryan is running right now. He looks exhausted. He made it through the first three obstacles. NNNNNOOOOOO - he just fell!!!

NO FEAR, PHOENIX TIME!!

MOVING THROUGH THE KEY LOCK - LOOKED GREAT UNTIL THE LANDING, FELL BUT GRABBED THE PAD. HE IS NOW FACING THE NAIL CLIPPER (KNOCKED HIM OUT IN THE CITY FINALS). LANDS THE DISMOUNT. MY FEET ARE SWEATING!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

He looked amazing. He looked comfortable. He dropped on his second jump on the ultimate cliff hanger. I am crushed - guess it comes down to the weatherman!

9:48

Mwah

Joe Moravski just fell on the last obstacle on stage 3! This new obstacle called the time bomb took him out. It would have been a much bigger surprise had there really been no time left in the show. It doesn't matter though - my feet were still sweaty and I really thought, "He is going to make it!"

The truly amazing thing about Joe Moravski - he is a weatherman. Like for real, that is his job. He is not a gym owner. Joe Moravski is an amazing competitor - 4 out of the last 5 years he has made it to stage 3. Are we all aware of how amazing that is? There will be a time when either wins the entire competition or he retires and I just hope we all can realize how good Joe Moravski actually is and what all he has done for American Ninja Warrior.

Mwah

Swift Punch to the Nuts

New York Jets
Cleveland Browns
Cincinnati Bengals
Indianapolis Colts
Los Angeles Chargers
Chicago Bears
New York Giants (they still play tonight)
San Francisco 49ers

All these teams are bad. All these teams are not just bad - they look bad. They do not pass the eye test of a football team that could turn it around. Smart money would not be on them to make the playoffs.

In fact, since 2007 only 9 teams have started off 0-2 and made the playoffs. So, the odds are clearly not in their favor - Hunger Games, anyone? anyone?

Now, in fantasy football they don't keep those kinds of stats. CBS Sports states that they have dug deep into some random abyss of data and found that only 10 percent of fantasy teams that start 0-2 make the playoffs. A high majority of those teams had players they drafted that were suspended at the beginning of the season. I am sorry CBS - but in no way do I believe you actually found these stats. I think you just looked at the NFL and just applied that same thought process to fantasy football.

You my friend - CBS Sports - you are a liar!

With that being said - if you do start off 0-2 in fantasy it never a good thing for your playoff chances. Usually you need to win games to make the playoff - but only usually.

To the match-ups:

Juan Fatt Bidge vs Aaron Rodgers is Gay
Hoosier Daddy vs J-Bones
Team Price is a D*ck vs Dakster's Lab
Mizuno Blue vs BringBack Harbs
Sagging TD's vs Sergio Dippsh*ts - Matchup of the Week
I miss Tyler vs Waco Kids
John Robles vs Certified "G"

Juan Fatt Bidge (0-1) vs Aaron Rodgers is Gay (1-0)

Do you remember when I predicted that Walker would have a touchdown and outperform Reed? Yeah, that happened. Do you remember when I said that Gillislee will not score three times? Yeah, that happened. Do you remember when I said that JFB would beat ARIG? Yeah, that did not happen.

Seriously, who would have guessed that CrabAppleTree scores 3 touchdowns and goes crazy? Who would have guess that the Bills vs. Panthers game ends at 9-3? I guess that means McCoy and Newton aren't scoring that well. It was a mixed bag of bad luck and big time scoring that really just screwed over JFB. Good win for AARIG as he now goes 2-0 and is looking strong for a run to the playoffs. JFB needs to really turn this ship around or he might be writing about the playoffs instead of partaking in them.

Original Prediction: JFB beats ARIG by 15 - boy, was that wrong!!

Hoosier Daddy (0-1) vs J-Bones (1-0)

If you followed the scoring to this game throughout Sunday, it looked like J-Bones was going to lose and lose by quite a few. J-bones had a huge night from both Freeman and Montgomery - both played in the Sunday night game. Just think about the pit in the bottom of Hoosier Daddy's stomach right now - he has played the top scorer each week. Not only that, but he has finished in the top 4 scoring both weeks. He has a bonafide stud at running back in Hunt. Hoosier Daddy should be able to ride Hunt all the way to scoring top 4 in points and still losing every week from here on out! 

Sorry buddy - nothing you can really do about that!

Original Prediction: Hoosier Daddy beats J-Bones by 7 - yup, got that one wrong too!

Team Price is a D*ck (0-1) vs Dakster's Lab (1-0)

Remember when I said that Dak is like that lady at a bar that you think looks good - but as you get closer, she begins to drop on the "hot or not" scale? I still stand by that. Especially, if Howard is going to miss some games. On the plus side, Adams does look like a lot better with the injury to Nelson. 

There was no big time point getter for Price is a D - but just pretty consistent showings throughout. It really all comes down to Riddick and if he can put up some points or not. Many people will say that the Giants defense (which is a run stopping defense) will hold him to under 50 yards rushing. I 100% agree. However, this is a PPR league and look for Riddick to get 6 or 7 catches for 40+ yards.

Original Prediction: Price is a D beats Dak by 15 points.... come on Riddick, make me look good!

Mizuno Blues (1-0) vs BringBack Harbs (1-0)

Last week Mizuno lost David Johnson and Allen Robinson, this week he lost Greg Olsen - if I were a player on this man's team I would request a trade right now! 

Mizuno still put up some nice points with those replacement players. He did make a trade (one that was in his favor) and those players lead the way for him! Landry had a huge game, 13 receptions!! With a game like that you don't even need to get into the end zone! Mizuno also made a phone call to Matt Ryan before the game and he told to avoid throwing a touchdown ball to Jones. Luckily, Ryan checked his voicemail before the game and he complied. It is good to know people, huh Mizuno!?!

Original Prediction: Harbs beats Mizuno by 15 - Stafford is going to make me look so smart, everyone just watch it tonight!

I Miss Tyler (0-1) vs Waco Kids (0-1)

It was just simply not a good week for Miss Tyler. Elliott must still be thinking about that time that he hit his ex-girlfriend.  Powell is very underwhelming in a game when the Jets actually looked like they could move the ball. Green really needs to find a quarterback period. I felt like I had to physically write the word "period" there so you can see the emphasis on that statement. 

Waco has himself a group of players who could all put-up big games at anytime. Gurley has returned from his vacation that took up all of last year. Kelce is a freak of nature - literally a freak of nature. I will say this, the Chiefs are quickly becoming my favorite to watch. Did you see this on Sunday?

Original Prediction: I miss Tyler beats Waco Kids by 15 points - I could not have been more wrong!

John Robles (1-0) vs Certified "G" (0-1)

It is crazy to think that a 30 point outburst from Brady is still not enough to get a win against a team that scored 65 points last week! There is something to be said about losing in week 1 and getting the top pick in the waiver wire. Cohen looks more and more like the stud in Chicago and with Howard going down, this could be the award winning pickup of the year! Plus, 16 points from a kicker always helps. Don't say I didn't warn everyone about Murray and how he will start losing touches to Henry. Henry might be the one good running back to come out of Alabama - about friggin' time!

Original Prediction: Certified "G" beats John Robles by 2 points - I will take the win!

Sagging TD's (1-0) vs Sergio Dippsh*t (1-0) 

Match-up of the Week

Sooooo - remember when last week the matchup of the week lived up to the hype? Yeah, not so much this week. Hey, wait a second this is not over! Yeah, you are right - one team has a kicker left and the other has Marshall. It is just hard to actually say anything nice about one of these two teams - especially when one of them is going to win and more than likely will not break 100! One of these teams is going to go 2-0, while Hoosier Daddy goes 0-2! Only in fantasy, man, only in fantasy!

Original Prediction: Sergio takes down Sagging by 10 points - Eli, do I need to call you? Throw it to your boy Marshall and make me look good, puh-lease!!

Oh, how the Monday Morning Blues are so, so sweet!

Mwah