The first rule of Fantasy Football - we do not talk about Fantasy Football

"Good Afternoon Gentleman... please find your seats and the draft will begin."

These are the words that every man craves once August begins. Wait, August? Football doesn't start till September? True, but that doesn't mean we haven't thought about the Fantasy Football draft all summer long.

I am a teacher and I can personally say, that yes - I love my summers, but I do love the fall time. I love football season. I love watching games. I love hanging out with friends. I love talking trash to league mates.

I am in multiple leagues. But the most important league is the league that everyone works at the same place. I am the commissioner of our league and we (a bunch of teachers) turn into children when it comes time for the Bluffton Bombshells to start back-up.

We are like children over simple issues. Should we have a waiver wire? Should we allow trading of draft picks? Should we know the order ahead of time or should we do it randomly? And trust me, when I say argue like children - I mean it. Nothing is off limits. And that should always be rule number 1 of Fantasy Football.

Rule 1: Nothing is off limits when talking trash.

You need to have thick skin if you are going to partake in such a degenerate activity as a Fantasy Football league. Everyone loves each other - so everything is all good fun. I have never been called a "jackass" more than during football season. I attack people and I expect them to attack me.

There are many reasons we get so passionate about the league. As with most men, pride is a huge factor. We just don't want to lose, especially to a friend. If you lose to a friend, you will never hear the end of it (and rightfully so). But, there are a few teachers who could care less about that. Those are the teams that drop-off about halfway through the season. In order to keep them more interested, you have rule number 2...

Rule 2: There needs to be a buy-in and it needs to be worthwhile.

As stated earlier, I am in multiple leagues. One league has no pay - I will check out of that league after week 3, guaranteed. Once league is with distant college buddies and we each pay $50 - with payouts to the top 3, so if you win the league it is a decent payday. The main league, B.B (Bluffton Bombshells) we all pay $20. Yes, this is not a ton of money - but to a teacher it can definitely be some good fun money. I know at my household, if I win any money from my leagues - it is my money and I can spend it however I please.

Now that you have to first two rules laid-out, after that - it is up in the air. As long as everyone is aware, that trash talking is encouraged and everybody must ante-up you are guaranteed a good time. If you want to make sure you are going to have a great time, continue reading...

Rule 3: Never veto a trade.

It must be understood that every person is trying to win the league. If that is a understood rule than you should run the league as if anyone has the ability to do anything. Even though I am the commissioner of my league, I will NEVER veto a trade. I will also NEVER allow a league vote. It is pointless and can only ever be harmful to the league.

Last season -  one manager of a team, Vicks Vapor Rub, and another manager of a team, Jalopenis Poppers, worked out a trade. The trade was clearly in favor of one team (at least I thought so) and everyone else outside the trade thought so as well. However, both managers thought it helped their team and I pushed it through. It is important to let managers do what they think is best for their team.

Rule 4: Play in a PPR league

Now we get to scoring - PPR (points per reception) - is the only way to play. I play in one league with standard scoring and it is terrible. Imagine if you had a player who caught 8 passes for 100 yards - a very good game for most receivers. With just standard scoring - that player scored 10 points, only 10 points!!! Now that same receiver would score 18 points in a PPR. When a player has a good game, they should be rewarded for that games and I am sorry, but 10 points is not nearly enough of a reward.

Rule 5: One week match-ups in the playoffs.

Deciding a winner can be very tough. I get it, who is the true winner of the league? Are the true winner if you win the regular season? Are you the true winner if you win your division? Are the true winner if you win the playoffs? Trust me, I know that the regular season winner has done probably the most work and deserves to be called the winner (that was me last year - thank you very much!). But when the Patriots lost their perfect season in the Super Bowl against the Giants, who were the world champs?!? Certainly, not the Patriots. You must have a playoff system.

Not only a playoff system - it needs to be a one week face-off. What is the beauty of NCAA March Madness? Any bad team can have a good game and beat a good team. When that happens, nobody says, "Yeah, but Duke is the better team so let's just move them on." No, no, no - you lose your out. Everything rides with that one week.

This is the basic 5 rules you need to run any successful fantasy football league. Please remember, fantasy football is like a Monopoly game. You can always add your own rules for more pleasure!