Last night I was riding in the Scooby Doo mystery van with my father driving. We were going to pick up some furniture for their new home (which by the way, they are not moving in real life - so no clue why we were doing that). We get a little lost and then all of the sudden we are in Florida.
Now, I currently reside in Bluffton, Indiana. This is a small town about 2 hour north of Indianapolis, Indiana. So when I say, "we get a little lost and then all of the sudden we are in Florida" - we ain't just a little lost! I love how the dream world has no concept of travel or time. You just teleport to the next location with out any time taking place. I wish real life was like that - can you imagine! It would make life so much easier - I am going to assume none of you have traveled with kids, HELL ON LIVING EARTH!!
Anyways, I digress. Sooooooo... now I am in Florida and we are trying to find our way to the furniture store in Indiana - yeah, this is not going to go well. My dad takes a sharp turn off the road and into a swampland. Now, instantly the van starts to sink and somehow he is able to motor us back on a dock. This is no way possible - but, isn't dream world awesome like that! So we are driving along this endless dock and we come across a little shack that sells swamp speedboats. My dad has this great idea to rent one so we can be back on our way to Indiana and pick up the needed furniture. Yeah, okay - I am game. I hope out of the van and go to buy one - but instead of a person inside the shack there are a ton of gators. I take off running and there is essentially nothing I can do - everything starts turning into gators and I just can't get away! I eventually make it to another dock - but of course I get cornered by a group of gators. Then the craziest thing happened - five gators morph into one giant gator! I am talking like Lake Placid sized gator - gigantic!
So I do the only thing I know how to do - I jump on top of the mouth. In all of the shows I have ever watched, I have learned one thing - gators and crocs jaws are weak when opening, but very strong when closing. Sooooo, naturally I jump on top of the jaw and it is working - he is not biting me! However, he is just taking me out into the swamp and then a swarm of gators start biting at my legs. It is like, a momma bird bringing back the kill to her little chicks - only this time I am the kill and the chicks are alligators. I wake up just as I was about to go under water and we all know what was going to happen next.
What a terrible way to try and get some sleep, right? Some people have terrible dreams - others can't sleep because their fantasy opponent has a guy playing in the late Monday night football. To each their own...
The final results
J-Bones defeats Juan Fatt Bidge - 137.3 to 122.3
Mizuno Blue defeats Team Price is a D**k - 105.2 to 91.8
Sagging TD's defeats Hoosier Daddy - 141 to 118.9
Dakster's Lab defeats I miss Tyler - 90 to 84.4
BringBack Harbs defeats John Robles - 94.5 to 90.4
Aaron Rodgers is GAY defeats Waco Kids - 115.6 to 106.9
Generic Name defeats Certified "G" - 81.2 to 65.2
First, I would like to congratulate Sagging TD's with his nice showing - top team of the week! You are just extremely lucky that the Rams played the Colts, who might literally have the worst offense in all of football right now (notice how I said all of football and not the NFL). Hell, I would take Western Michigan's quarterback over what we got right now - and he threw for only 75 yards this week! I do find it amazing the Hoosier Daddy had Kareem Hunt score 45 points and he still lost - but, what do you do?
The match-up of the week did not fail to live up to the hype. With the winning team, J-Bones posting the second highest score of the week and the losing team (Juan Fatt) posting the third highest score of the week. It is always tough to see that - the third highest score loses - especially tough when that team is YOUR FRIGGIN' TEAM!!!! But hey, I thought I would lose - just not to a team who had a quarterback score -3 points! Everybody on Juan Fatt Bidge is on the trading block - time to send a message to my players! That is clearly an over reaction and is no way going to happen.... but seriously, send me some trades!
Obviously, Dakster held on to their lead and won. We all knew it was going to happen - even I miss Tyler knew it. Hah!
Hey, John Robles - you still suck! At least Ingram made it somewhat close - but you might lose to Certified "G" when you play him! In fact, I will make my prediction right now - whenever you two play Certified "G" beats John Robles! You heard it hear first.
Which does bring me to the worst showing of the week. Certified "G" you need to pack your things and leave. You literally only had two players score more than six points. Let me say that again, only TWO players score more than SIX points! I said it, yesterday - Generic Name comes back and wins this matchup. I am sorry for my greatness - I guess I just read the cards and listen to the great Miss Cleo!
However, I am said to say that today we are now looking for a new defensive coordinator. A. Rodgers is GAY did hold off Waco and did get the win. Sooooo, if this is the first time you are finding out - please don't hate on the messenger! You were a great friend and a better fantasy player and I guess that will always be your downfall. You will always be better at fantasy football the head coach and we all know we can't have that. Deuces!
I do also have to make an apology to Team Price is a D**k. I am not sorry about your name - you are just preaching the truth! I am apology for the rant I went on yesterday. You did score some points and you look like you actually belong. Do me a favor, go talk to Certified, cuz he sucks! Congrats Mizuno you held him off and I know you messed up your sleep schedule worry about it.
All in all, I went 5-2 on my predictions. My buddy, who will remain nameless (he doesn't deserve the attention) went 4-3. Who would have thunk it? My predictions are better than his... seriously, who would have thunk it?
Mwah
5-2
4-3
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