HE DIDN'T KNOW SH*T ABOUT FANTASY FOOTBALL!!!
So in all reality, this whole viewing and funeral thing have really gotten in the way with my roster tinkering. Nonetheless, we must do what we have to do to make sure the ones we love know we love them. Thus, I am stuck in Jackson, MI shaking hands with everyone that I don't know. What I really want to ask them is, "Should I start Jacquizz Rodgers or "Buck" Allen?" or "Which defense is going to have a better day? Dolphins or Jaguars?"
All of these people are easily well past their prime of caring and probably waiting for their own little basket ride to the dirt. They most definitely don't care about fantasy football. In fact, the only person I could talk to about fantasy football is my brother-in-law. This is the same guy who has half team currently on IR or is suspended - guess I am not taking advice from that clown.
Anyways, on to what you came here for....
I Miss Tyler (0-2) vs Juan Fatt Bidge (0-2)
BringBack Harbs (1-1) vs Dakster's Lab (2-0)
Aaron Rodgers is GAY (2-0) vs The J-Bones (2-0) - Match-up of the Week
Sergio Dippsh*ts (1-1) vs Hoosier Daddy (0-2)
Waco Kids (1-1) vs Team Price is Dick (0-2)
Certified "G" (1-1) vs Mizuno Blue (2-0)
John Robles (0-2) vs Sagging TD's (2-0)
I Miss Tyler (0-2) vs Juan Fatt Bidge (0-2)
What a battle we have here!!! These two teams are fighting for that coveted first win. Both teams look like strong teams on paper - but neither team has had a complete performance.
Miss Tyler clearly is very dependent on Elliott and Green to make the big points. If Elliott actually takes the message of "we demand more effort" to heart - we could see a big week this week. Who knows when the BenGIRLS will actually score a touchdown? Dalton looks lost on the field and it took an amazing catch from Green to save his point total last week.
On the flip side JFB needs to keep getting the consistent points from Walker and McCoy. Will there be an A. Luck siting any time soon? Hilton NEEDS an A. Luck siting. Baldwin could use a little offensive line work to give Wilson a little time for him to actually run a route.
With these two teams, they could score 130 or they could score 80. So I am going to go out on a limb and say one team does score 130 and one team does score 80. And the winner is......
PreDICKtion: Juan Fatt Bidge beats I Miss Tyler by 50 points
BringBack Harbs (1-1) vs Dakster's Lab (2-0)
This very possibly could have been a match-up of two undefeated teams. If the Giants offense could have actually looked like an offense then Stafford would not have handed the ball off 500 times in the second half. Nonetheless, BBH is 1-1 and in the middle of the pack.
Dak is really hoping that Thompson and Amendola can manage 6 or 7 catches and score some decent points. Adams is a solid wide receiver and because he plays in Green Bay he gets as many targets as most other teams number 1 options. Jackson is the exact definition of "big play or bust" wide receiver. Other than that, I don't see Dak scoring more than 100 points this week. Mark it down.
BringBack Harbs has two solid receivers and with the injury to Olsen, Benjamin just became the new number 1 "air option" in Carolina. I still don't really trust the running backs. Lynch will get his goal line touches, but I think he is more of a sideline dancer than a bruiser - especially after his retirement. I am still a big fan of Stafford. I like the offense they are running. In terms of real football - I think the Lions will beat the Falcons. But who cares about that?
PreDICKtion: BringBack Harbs beats Dakster's Lab by 22 points
Sergio Dippsh*ts (1-1) vs Hoosier Daddy (0-2)
Honestly, I don't really want to write too much about this match-up. I know that one of these teams is probably jinxed by me writing too much about them. I will write what I want about the teams with no names and see if you can fill in the blanks...
Team A has a great running back that put up points a variety of ways. Team B is playing a questionable player - he better be watching the injury report. Team A has a good match-up on defense - most teams don't perform very well offensively in that stadium. Team B has a receiver who could make the big play and also will get plenty of volume with another option still suspended. Team A's quarterback has many weapons on offense to pass the ball too.
If you hadn't picked up on it, everything I just said applies to both teams. I really hope one of two things just happened: (A) you feel really dumb for not noticing that sooner (B) you feel offended that I felt like I had to tell you what I was doing. Nonetheless...
PreDICKtion: Hoosier Daddy beats Sergio Dippsh*ts by 18 points
Waco Kids (1-1) vs Team Price is a Dick (0-2)
This is a very lopsided affair. One team is ranked 4th (2 points behind 3rd) in "points for" and the other team is ranked 10th. Yes, folks - this has the outlook of a good 'ol fashion butt whoopin'.
Waco Kids brings out 2 solid running backs that are both the bell cow on their respective team. Both running backs should get 20+ touches. Kelce is a solid tier 1 tight end and there are plenty of options for Waco Kids to replace Davis in the flex. I am still not a big fan of the receiving corps as a whole. Two receivers who are on good offenses - but both offenses spread the ball around and if you are not the first option, you just might not get your fair share.
Price is a D has THE running back on his team. Bell could very easily explode for 30 points in a given week and one must think that it will happen soon. TPIAD also has two very good receivers who could get plenty of touches. After that, the drop-off is steep. Riddick clearly let TPIAD down last week and is he really going to start Cook at tight end? The Cardinals offense looks like a lingerie league team right now - I mean they struggled to score against the Colts. THE FREAKIN' COLTS!!
Waco just has too much fire power and once the get a player who is not out in the flex position this could get out of hand...
PreDICKtion: Waco Kids beats Team Price is a Dick by 35 points
Certified "G" (1-1) vs Mizuno Blue (2-0)
First off, I would like to applaud Mizuno Blue. I am not applauding him for his big win after losing so many key players - no, no, no. I am applauding him for losing so many key players and going out there and making trades to continually throw out a decent line-up. You have swindled your way to the top of the league and who knows if you can bet stopped!! Someone stop "The Swindler!"
Certified has the waiver wire pick-up of the year. Supposedly, Jordan Howard's shoulder is fine - but would you trust it if you had the electric Cohen ready to go? Yeah, me neither. Nelson and Gronk will get their targets. Apparently, Carson is the running back to have in Seattle - too bad their offensive line is pretty much non-existent at the moment.
Once again, a round of applause for Mizuno Blue. (Pause for the clapping). Hyde looked amazing last week. Too bad after every big run he had to suck oxygen like a 70 year old - and these guys are supposed to be in the best shape of their lives?!? Tate was a big pick-up in a trade, and in the Lions "dump and run" (commonly referred to as The West Coast offense) he could get plenty of receptions. Landry had 13 receptions last week. Yes, that is not a typo - 13 RECEPTIONS!! Without Olsen, the tight end is the gaping hole in this lineup. I am not sure it will matter this week....
PreDICKtion: Mizuno Blue beats Certified "G" by 13 points
John Robles (0-2) vs Sagging TD's (2-0)
If you look at the records, this looks like a tremendous mismatch. If you look at the teams, this still looks like a tremendous mismatch.
The quarterbacks are a split. Either quarterback could have a big week, especially since New England is committed to the short screen passes and finding the big tight end down field. I like Fournette for Robles, but I hate Ingram. I think that McCaffrey will have a much bigger role in the Panthers offense after the injury to Olsen. After that, it only goes downhill for John Robles...
No one in their right mind can tell me that Decker and Matthews should stay close with Brown and Diggs. Are you kidding me? Decker and Matthews are on the same team and are both going against one of the best defensive secondaries...ever. Decker and Matthews will not break 15 - combined. Jay Cutler was huge on Parker all preseason and I think it is only a matter of time before Parker has a big game. When I say a matter of time, what I really mean is - this week Parker is going to have a big game. Parker will score more than 20 points and beat all Robles starting receivers.
PreDICKtion: Sagging TD's beats John Robles by 25 points
Aaron Rodgers is GAY (2-0) vs The J-Bones (2-0)
Match-up of the Week
I have not picked Aaron Rodger is Gay to win - yet here they are, 2-0 and in this week's "Match-up of the Week." The J-Bones have dominated and find themselves ranked 1st in "points for." Was there really a question of which match-up was going to be featured?
If ARIG wants to stay competitive in this match-up someone needs to explode. In week 1, Gillislee had 3 touchdowns. In week 2, Crabtree had 3 touchdowns. Who will be this week? No one. In fact, ARIG will not have a player score multiple touchdowns this week - and that could be the downfall. Mike Evans may have the best shot at it - and he will have a huge game, but he will not get that second score.
On the flip side, what is not to like about The J-Bones. They have two great running backs, Freeman and Montgomery. They have an explosive playmaker with Hill (no, I will show the play again). It is only a matter of time before Carr realizes Amari "Armani" Cooper is actually the Raiders best receiver. J-Bones could use a slight improvement in the Tight End position, but even then his weakest position is in an offense run by Brees. Not too shabby for a guy who hated his team after the draft!
PreDICKtion: The J-Bones beat Aaron Rodgers is GAY by 8 points
Mwah
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